


Glad You Stayed

by daftydraw, JWMelmoth



Series: Glad You Came Verse [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Glee S6 AU, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:07:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 52
Words: 228,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15577506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daftydraw/pseuds/daftydraw, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth
Summary: Kurt and Sebastian have everything they’ve always wanted and more; professional and academic success, interesting jobs, great friends - and each other. But adulthood is more challenging than high school...and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t escape your past.(see the notes on ch 1 about the warnings)





	1. #47

**Author's Note:**

> A Tumblr collaboration fic by daftydraw and JWMelmoth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their trip to Ohio, Kurt and Sebastian catch up with their friends - and learn something about their family traditions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roughly around season 6; but AU since mid-season 5. Follows on the events of Glad You Came. 
> 
> About the warnings : Roughly 1/3rd into this story, several chapters will have mentions of past sexual abuse; one chapter will have graphic descriptions of violence and rape of a minor. We decided to put the rating and warnings on the entire story right from the beginning so readers who wish to avoid this kind of content entirely can chose to do so. Separate warnings will be put on the specific chapters so you may also opt out of these and still read the rest of the fic. If you have questions or concerns about how we handle these themes, please feel free to contact us (anonymously or not) via tumblr.

"Alex...are you okay?" Steph asked, looking at her boyfriend curiously.

He was staring at Kurt, who was finishing his third plate of ribs at Marc and Paul's table. They were sitting out on the private terrace under a glorious summer sun. Their whole group had been invited to celebrate the Fourth of July and the end of summer finals, Kurt’s summer showcase and Brody’s graduation. Everyone had finished eating by now except Kurt.

"Where does he _put_ it all?" Alex mumbled in awe.

Steph frowned. "Like you didn't have three plates yourself," she chided him.

Alex shrugged. "Yeah, but I'm..." he gestured at himself, making a round motion with his hand. "And he's...!" He waved his hand down vertically. 

Kurt looked up and blushed. "I can't help it," he mumbled. "It's all so delicious! I haven’t had anything that wasn’t soy or _steamed_ in weeks, and with all of these side dishes and sauces, I am pretty much in heaven."

Alice smiled fondly. "You sound like Seb."

"I'm glad you're all liking it. I can't take credit unfortunately," Marc said. "It's all Paul's. He won't even let me _in_ the kitchen when he's cooking."

"You're right, I don't," Paul commented, crossing his arms over his chest. "Because you always try to _eat_ everything before it's done. You're worse than the dogs." He moved the last of the garlic bread towards Kurt. "Help yourself, Kurt."

"I think I will, thank you," Kurt replied eagerly.

"Don’t forget that Kurt puts in more hours than the rest of us put together at the gym," Sebastian said, slipping Lola a piece of bread off his plate.

"That’s true!" Alice said.

"Mmm!" Kurt protested, putting a finger up, because he still had food in his mouth. He quickly finished chewing and added: "Right, I was gonna tell you, Alex. The NYADA gym opens for the public in summer because so many students are off on vacation. Their rates are pretty good and if you want to stay on when the semester starts you could get a discount through me..."

Alex smirked. "Is that a hint?"

Kurt licked his fingers. "If you want it to be," he replied. "The way I see it, the more calories you burn, the more pizza you can eat. That’s really why _I_ work out." He winked.

Alex grinned at him. "Thanks for the offer, but I try to avoid any kind of physical activity that resembles fitness..."

Steph rolled her eyes. "I might take you up on that Kurt...if the offer is extended?"

"Yes! Yes, of course, it‘s a mixed gym. I can send you the info," Kurt said, smiling happily. "The trainers aren‘t there in summer but I can help you get started if you like. I just told Alex because he said he wanted to, a few weeks ago."

Steph beamed at him.

Alex gave him a sheepish grin. “Ye--eah... _saying_ something and _doing_ it…worlds apart,” he confessed. 

Kurt smiled and helped himself to the rest of the garlic bread. One of Marc and Paul's dogs noticed he was the only one with food left on his plate and she came to nudge his knee. Kurt leaned down and gave her a stern look. "Lola, this is _my_ food. I'm not such a pushover as uncle Bas."

Lola barked once and went over to Sebastian, putting her head in his lap and whining plaintively.

Sebastian chuckled and ruffled her head. "Did uncle Kurt refuse you food, baby girl?" He asked her, in a voice akin to one used when talking to toddlers.

He took a new potato from the dish in the centre of the table and held it up to her. She sat up straight and barked.

"Catch," he said, throwing it in air for her. Lola jumped up and caught the potato in her mouth.

"That’s enough Seb," Marc said. "Or you can be on poop duty."

Sebastian grinned at him.

"Kurt," Alice called to him. "How was Ohio? We were all so busy with exams after that weekend, I feel like I’ve not seen you in forever."

Kurt smiled softly. "It was good. Mostly." He exchanged a glance with Sebastian. "My dad had a few...misconceptions about me and Bas, and Satire..." He offered Marc an apologetic look. "We cleared it up!" He added quickly. "It turned out Blaine had come to see him, filling his head with lies about us."

"And your dad believed him?" Alice let out, shocked.

Kurt shrugged awkwardly. "There was a lot he didn‘t know about Blaine. I hadn‘t exactly been honest with him." He reached for Sebastian‘s hand. "But we cleared the air between us, and Bas bribed my dad with crêpes and steak and pretzels-" He winked.

He had known about the little deal between Sebastian and his dad from the moment the lady at the bakery asked if his dad wanted ‘another one’, but had kept his mouth shut to let them have their little secret.

"...and it was smooth sailing from there. Well, until Blaine showed up..."

Kurt and Sebastian braved the shocked faces of their friends and took turns talking, telling them about the confrontation between Blaine and Carole in the mall.

Paul shook his head. "That boy seems very disturbed," he mumbled.

"He‘s fucked up, that‘s what he is," Marc added angrily. "I‘d like to take that little punk and shove a broken bottle right up-"

"Marc."

Marc looked at his husband’s ‘ _not-in-front-of-the-children_ ’ look and held up his hands in resignation.

"Where does his family stand in all of this?" Paul asked, looking at Kurt.

"Well," Kurt started, "I think he‘s been twisting the narrative to his parents from the start, but...the day after we saw Blaine, his brother came to see us..."

**[Ohio, a week earlier]**

The doorbell rang. Kurt was still upstairs, folding clothes into his suitcase. Burt and Sebastian were in the living room, talking about Sebastian‘s new car. Kurt was taking his time deliberately, giving them some time to bond.

Carole went to the door, giving them a fond look on the way. As she opened, she stared a little.

"We...uh...don‘t need any credit?" she said, feeling flustered at the extremely handsome man standing in the doorway holding a bouquet of flowers. She sounded like she was secretly sorry she was turning him down.

"Oh!" Cooper let out, beaming a bright smile at her. "Namaste! I‘m not selling anything today, Mrs. Hummel. I‘m here to see Kurt."

Carole blinked. "Too late," she said. "He already has a boyfriend."

Cooper chuckled. "I know. I‘m sorry, please let me introduce myself. I am Cooper Anderson. I‘m Blaine‘s brother."

Despite his charming smile, Carole‘s face hardened. "What do you want?" she asked, blocking the doorway.

"To apologise," Cooper said, holding up the flowers. "Blaine doesn‘t know I‘m here," he added, sensing Carole‘s discomfort.

Carole stared at him and made a low noise in the back of her throat.

"Please Mrs H...I just want to talk to him."

Carole looked at him and sighed. "Kurt!" she called, turning towards the stairs. "Can you come down here for a minute? You have a visitor." She grudgingly let him in through the door, but shot a glance at Burt and Sebastian in the living room.

Kurt frowned. Who knew he was here? Apart from...Blaine. But surely he wouldn‘t dare to come by - and Kurt was certain Carole would not let him in the house.

He ran a hand through his hair and straightened his shirt. Whoever it was, it would have to do. He made his way downstairs and froze on the last step.

"Cooper?"

"Kurt!" Cooper let out. "You - look _great!_ " he said, with his theatrical enthusiasm, briefly pointing at Kurt. "Wow. You look so grown-up. And you work out, I can tell. Good job!"

"Thanks. Um...you too."  

Cooper always looked great. He was extremely gorgeous and definitely got help from a stylist when he picked his outfits. But Kurt knew Blaine’s brother was not here to pay him compliments.

Kurt sucked in a breath and stepped down from the staircase. Sebastian, who had seen the look on Carole’s face when Cooper entered, appeared at his side and took his hand.

Burt had also risen from his seat, and joined Carole by the door, looking ready to throw Cooper out the minute he bothered Kurt.

"What are you doing here, Coop?" Kurt asked warily.

Cooper’s smile faded a little as he saw the look on Kurt’s face. Blaine really had a lot to answer for. Nerves swirled in his stomach and he felt something a bit like stage-fright. He really wanted to do this right.  

He held up the flowers. "I’ve come to apologise on my brother’s behalf," he said, hoping his timing was right to convey how serious he was about this. He glanced at Kurt’s family. They were a tough audience, glaring at him like that. "Do you - Could we maybe…talk alone?" he asked Kurt.

"I don’t think so kid," Burt said gruffly, folding his arms over his chest. 

Sebastian pressed his lips together and shook his head as well, keeping a tight hold of Kurt’s hand.

Carole put a subtle hand on the door.

Cooper cleared his throat and straightened his back. "Alright. Um. _Kurt_. Like I said, I’ve come to apologise…"

"I’m not taking him back, Cooper." Kurt decided to cut straight to the chase, his voice devoid of emotion. 

"What? Oh god, no," Cooper let out, looking amazed. "I understand that. My little brother has serious issues, you know."

"We know," Burt growled.

"Did he tell you what happened?" Kurt asked, a little wearily. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out whatever fictional version of events Blaine had told his brother.

"Ha!" Cooper let out. "He tried to tell me that you‘d become a gigolo or a gogo dancer or something, and that he got hurt trying to save your innocence... it was ridiculous! Who‘d believe _that_ story?"

"Yeah..." Kurt replied, side-eying his dad.

"So I told him," Cooper continued, "‘little bro, cut the act. I _know_ acting, and you suck at it. I don‘t know _why_ because you went to all my master classes,’ but anyway-" He cut himself off as he noticed Kurt and his family were giving him stoney looks.

Cooper swallowed and added quietly: "I made him tell me the truth."

He paused. "I heard about what happened in LA last summer. In my own house! I had no idea! I mean, I noticed he was acting weird when he came over after New Year’s, but we don’t see each other that often and I just thought he was in one of his sulky moods. And then he told me some other things…" He trailed off.

"I’m really sorry for the way he treated you, Kurt," Cooper said honestly. "For the way he treated both of you." He acknowledged Sebastian as well.

Sebastian stuck his tongue into the side of his cheek and ran a finger along his jaw, the bruise was almost gone now but there was enough residue that Cooper would see.

"I feel responsible." Cooper gave Kurt an intense look. "I should have noticed it sooner. I blame myself for not being around for him, you know? I didn't think he'd ever hurt anyone, except maybe himself with his wardrobe."

"Ha!" Burt let out, then schooled his expression into a more serious one again.

Kurt frowned. "Cooper, you're not his dad."

Cooper shrugged. "You know what my parents are like, though, Kurt. They are enablers. They'd give Blaine anything. He can do no wrong with them. And me? I had to do everything on my own. That's parenting for you. Typical second child complex.” He paused and shook his head. “If I don't look out for him, who else has he got? He's a troubled soul, but he's my baby brother, and I love him. I want to help him." He held up the flowers again.

Kurt sighed. He wasn’t ready to forgive Blaine. Flowers, and an apology from the most handsome man in North America (apart from Sebastian, obviously) could not change his mind on that. Hesitantly, he took the bouquet and looked down on it for a moment.

"Did he tell you I told him I never want to see him again?" he asked softly.

"Yes," Cooper replied, sounding unusually subdued.

"I meant it," Kurt said. "He has crossed the line too many times. Not just with me, Coop. He punched Sebastian in the face. He told my mom-" Kurt shook his head. "This-" he held up the flowers, "does not give me back the three years of my life that I spent taking his abuse."

He heard his dad breathe in sharply, but no one said anything. Cooper gave him a look so crestfallen that it was clear he had finally understood this was not a scene in a play.

"I’m sorry," he said, this time without pointing his finger or using extra emphasis. "I really am. But he won’t bother you anymore. I convinced my parents to let him quit NYADA. He was flunking anyway, and I think the place didn‘t do him any good. I‘m taking him to Los Angeles with me. I‘m gonna find him some help."

He offered Kurt a small smile, and a little flicker of his upbeat persona came through again. 

"If there‘s anything LA has more of than aspiring starlets, it‘s psychiatrists! Everyone has them! My next door neighbour‘s _dog_ even has one! Did you know a dog‘s life could actually be traumatic? They‘re full of depression! _Yah_ , I _know, right_?"

Kurt pressed his lips tightly together, not sure if he should laugh or cry.

Cooper misinterpreted his stunned silence for captivation and continued, leaning forward.

"I see a psychiatrist too, you know. Crazy, right? But it really helps when I have character bleed, you know, it happens when you‘re _Method_ , like me. And like, what if my next part is a sociopath and I suddenly go around killing people? It‘s best to be in touch with your inner self."

Cooper put a hand over his heart and gave them a solemn look.

Kurt tried to wrap his head around it. Blaine leaving NYADA. Leaving New York! It meant he could stop looking over his shoulder everywhere he went. He glanced at Sebastian.

Sebastian looked back at him, pulling up the corner of his mouth briefly.

Kurt turned back to Cooper. "I’m glad you’ll be helping him," he said earnestly. "Someone should make sure Blaine doesn’t do this to anyone else."

Cooper nodded. "I will," he said, sounding genuinely contrite. Then, he forced on a Hollywood smile and made a show of looking at his watch. "Okay, I have to run. I have a skype call with New Zealand about a possible part in a fantasy franchise. Can’t keep them waiting! Take care of yourself, Kurt. And of this handsome man here." He pointed at Sebastian. "He’s not an actor, is he? Because FreeCreditRatings.com is casting for next year’s commercial and I can kinda see him as my successor-" He stopped himself. "Well. We’ll be in touch. We’re mutuals on Twitter, right?"

Kurt let out a deep breath. "Yeah," he replied. "See you, Cooper."

Cooper clasped his hands together and gave him a little bow, pulling a face that he probably thought made him look spiritual. Then, he turned towards the door. Carole had already opened it for him, and he walked out.

"So that’s the brother?" Burt asked gruffly, as Carole closed the door.

Kurt shook his head, a little perplexed. "Yes...that's the brother." 

"Well, at least he's pretty," Carole remarked drily, "because he's not all there upstairs."

Burt snorted. "Yeah, they're definitely related alright." He paused. "What do you mean, he's pretty?"

Carole rolled her eyes.

**[New York, July 4th]**

The group of friends looked at Kurt as he finished his story. "Well um..." Alex started. "At least now you know that asshole has gone, you guys can relax?"

Kurt nodded. "It definitely helps to know he won‘t be stalking me at NYADA anymore next semester."

"And neither will Rachel," Brody added. "I heard Madame Tibideaux told her not to come back after summer."

Alice grinned. "Good riddance to them. The only one who ever deserved to be there was you all along, Kurt."

Kurt ducked his head a little, feeling flattered. He did not try to deflect the compliment, but he still had a hard time looking his friends in the eyes when they switched on fangirl-mode.

"Just one more year," he reminded them, "and then I have to try and make it in the real world."

"You’ll be great, Kurt! Mark my words, you’re not going to know what to do with yourself! The amount of offers you’ll get." Brody said smiling at him. "You’d better take that award acceptance protocol class…"

"And there’s Vogue, I think Isabelle would do anything to keep you on staff." Sebastian added.

Kurt cocked his head and grinned. "That‘s true. I‘m the only one who can handle Tristan." He looked at Marc and Paul to explain. "He‘s from the San Francisco office. His boss works under Isabelle, but because he’s a man he thinks he runs the joint…” Kurt rolled his eyes. ”He‘s _very_ demanding. He makes Tristan call me several times a day for something or other, and it‘s always a _life or death situation._ "

Marc shook his head. "I don‘t get it," he admitted. "I mean, I‘m sure you do a great job, Kurt, but how can _fashion_ be a life or death situation?"

"I think the answer to that is to be found in your 80s wardrobe," Paul replied, smirking. He ran a hand down his own multicoloured American eagle shirt. When he wasn‘t working, Paul wore bold prints and stylish accessories. Kurt admired his eccentric taste.

"And yet, you still married me," Marc teased.

"Yeah, you turned out to be pretty fine underneath those oversized shirts and shoulderpads," Paul replied, then chuckled. "Hold up, you guys need to see this..."

He got up and walked inside, returning a moment later carrying a large photo album.

Marc rolled his eyes. "Come on, Paul, you‘re not gonna-"

"Oh, I am," Paul said gleefully. "Look at _this_."

He held up the album and showed them a picture of Marc in round, wire-rimmed glasses and a big billowy coat that reached nearly to his ankles. Underneath, he wore a checkered shirt and loose slacks, the cuffs rolled up to his ankles. His arm was around a pretty girl with big eyes, poofy hair, a midriff baring shirt and waist-high jeans.

"WHAAAAAAAT...!" Alex let out, laughing. "Oh _dude!_ Even _I_ dress better, and I’m straight!"

Marc chuckled. "That was very in at the time."

"No sweetheart, it wasn’t," Paul said sweetly.

"Who’s the chick?" Alex asked, looking at the picture again. "She’s hot!"

Steph raised her eyebrows at him and he blushed.

Marc smirked. "That‘s Isa, my ex-wife. And you‘re right, she was very hot. Still is, actually." He looked at Alex and waited for what he knew was coming.

"Wait..." Alex let out. " _Y_ _our_ ex-wife? But aren't you...like..." He looked at Paul for help. Paul was just grinning.

"I am," Marc confirmed. "I just didn‘t know it until I met Paul."

"She looks really nice," Steph said, hoping that Alex would get over the first shock without saying anything rude. Her fear was ungrounded.

Alex took her hand. "Well," he started, and everyone at the table braced themselves. "Rest assured, Steph. If hanging out with the best-looking guys on campus hasn‘t made me gay yet, I doubt anything will."

Steph rolled her eyes and patted his arm. "Good to know."

"Alex...do you _ever_ think before you speak? Or do you just say the first thing that pops into your head?" Alice asked.

Kurt looked at Alex' puzzled expression, feeling his heart going a little soft. It was moments like these when he really, sorely missed Finn. He wished he could have been there with them. He would have liked Alex - and he would have gone crazy about Marc and Paul's pool. They had told them to bring their bathing gear so they might take a dip later.

"It's okay, Alex," he said. "We can all use some unfiltered truths now and then."

Alex smiled bashfully. "Just tell me if it's too much. I can _try_ to keep it down, you know."

"Just relax. It's a party. Everyone here should be able to be themselves," Kurt said.

Alex nodded gratefully. "Speaking of parties," he said, "is there any ice cream? I'm not sure the Fourth of July is complete without ice cream."

"You just had 3 plates of-" Steph started, then shook her head. "Yeah. You're right. I want some too."

Marc smiled. "Finally, my moment has come," he said. "I'll be right back."

Paul rolled his eyes fondly at his husband. "He’s bought himself a new ice-cream maker," he explained to the group. "And he’s been trying out new flavours...I recommend the peanut butter one...though the kiwi isn’t half bad either."

Marc walked back out carrying a tray containing two tubs of ice cream, a stack of bowls and some spoons.

"Ta da!" he said proudly.

"Peanut butter!?!" Alex let out. "Marc, you‘re my hero!"

Marc beamed, and the two of them started a lively debate about different brands and crunchiness of their favourite spread.

Alice took some of the kiwi, and sighed blissfully. "My mom used to make her own ice cream until she read somewhere that dairy is evil," she mused. "After that, my dad, my sister and I used to sneak out on the fourth of July to get ice cream from the shop that sold the fireworks."

Kurt smiled. "I think the first few years after my mom died, we ate nothing _but_ ice cream on the fourth of July."

Steph watched her friends a little wearily. To distract herself, she asked: "What about you, Seb? Did you celebrate it at all, or did your family save the celebrations for the fourteenth?"

“What’s the fourteenth?” Alex asked under his breath.

“Their national holiday. Bastille day. Seb told you a million times!”

Sebastian smiled at them. "We did both," he explained. "We celebrated Fourth of July as a family - if it was a school day we’d just do it in the evening as it’s not a national holiday in France. And then on the fourteenth we threw a massive party for all the neighbours and our friends."

"What about you Steph?" Paul asked. "How does your family celebrate?"

Alex lowered his spoon and swallowed, getting ready to speak, but Steph shook her head.

"My mom has this thing against today..." She shrugged. "But she'd let me and my sister go to the neighbours and join their bbq, so I didn't miss out." Steph looked a little torn.

"Look, its not a fun story, okay? I don't want to drag this party down," she added.

Alex gave her a sympathetic look and pushed his bowl of icecream towards her, offering her his spoon. She took it and scooped some into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry," Paul said, "I didn't mean to-"

Steph shook her head. "It's ok, you couldn't know." She looked at her friends. "I told Alex last year, but..." She took a deep breath and let it out.

"When I was about 9, my mom was pregnant again. She was due on the fourth of July, but she miscarried a few months before. She and my dad had been having problems and this was the thing that finally broke them apart. He packed up his stuff and left. After that, whenever the fourth of July came around, my mom wasn't exactly feeling festive, so we stopped celebrating it in the house."

Steph shook her head. "I didn't know about it, about the baby. My mom hadn't told us she was pregnant yet. Apparently she'd had several miscarriages, one before Caroline came and other one in between her and me, and it was still very early. She only told us when Caroline had Bonnie. So...as a kid, all I knew was that my mom didn't like the fourth of July, and my dad didn't like us anymore."

Kurt sat listening with a hand over his mouth, his ice cream forgotten. "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Steph shrugged awkwardly and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Why didn’t you tell us?" Alice asked quietly. She kinda got it...she didn’t know if she could willingly divulge that kind of information. But she still wished she’d known, so she could have been more sensitive around the subject.

"I only found out when Bonnie was born...and..."

"It’s okay Steph," Sebastian said quietly. "We understand. We’re all here for you though! Whatever you need."

Steph smiled thinly. "Actually, there is something..." she started. "I was gonna tell you guys later, but..." She sat up straight. "It's my dad. He wants to see us. Me and Caroline...and his granddaughter. At first Caroline said she wasn't gonna go, but last week she changed her mind. And now she wants me to come, too."

She pulled up her shoulders. "I don't know what to do."

"If I may?" Paul asked carefully. Steph nodded and he continued. "The way I see it, uh- you're an adult, and you don't _have_ to go. No one can make you. But you can also try going, and if you feel too estranged from him, you can always leave. At least you'll have given yourself the opportunity to get closure."

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "We could be out of there like _that_ -" he snapped his fingers, “and back home before he knows it.”

Steph bit her lip. "Well, yeah, but… Not really. He lives in Canada. It's not exactly around the corner."

“Wait… _Canada_?” Alex repeated, dumbfoundedly. “He wants you to come all that way...after _he_ left? Why doesn’t he come to New York?”

Steph shrugged. “He said he has this really big place and he wants all of us to stay at his house, like...a family.”

Sebastian bit his lip and looked at Alice, who nodded. "Maybe...we could all go with you?”

“Yeah, we’re your family too,” Alice added.

"Roadtrip!" Alex let out eagerly, nearly knocking over his bowl of ice cream.

Steph looked close to tears. "You'd do that?" she asked timidly.

"Of course," Brody assured her, taking Alice's hand. "We can stay in a hotel nearby and we'll be there as soon as you need us.

"Actually, you might be able to stay at the house too. If I tell him it's all of us or no one..." Steph already looked a little more sure of herself.

"I'd love to meet your sister and her husband, too," Kurt added. "And little Bonnie." He hesitated. "I'm just not sure how much time we can take off work..." He glanced at Sebastian. They had already taken a weekend off to go to Ohio.

"Don’t worry about that Kurt," Marc cut in before Sebastian could. "Joe always hires summer staff - college kids who moved out of the city for school, who want some work over the vacation. It means that us full timers can take a break without the bar suffering."

Sebastian nodded. "But if any of the main staff want more hours, we get preference over the temps."

"I guess it still not completely registered that Joe is not like Gunther," Kurt said. "He'd never let two of us take a break at the same time, summer or no summer. 

"Joe's awesome," Marc agreed, helping himself to more peanut butter ice cream. "And he'd totally get it if you tell him it's a family thing."

Steph busied herself eating Alex' ice cream, and for once, he didn't protest. She looked relieved that the conversation was continuing without her in the middle focus.

"That’s settled then," Alice said kindly. "We’re all coming with you."

Steph half-smiled and nodded.

Marc cocked his head. “Speaking of family things...has Joe asked you about the benefit yet?”

Kurt looked at Sebastian for a moment. Then they both turned to Marc. “No?” Kurt said. 

Marc nodded. “Okay, then I’m sure he will. He’s planning to hold a benefit night at Satire this year. A fundraiser for HIV/AIDS research. It’s the 30th anniversary of his brother’s death.”

“Wow…” Kurt let out quietly.

Marc glanced at his husband for a moment and took his hand. Then he turned back to Kurt and Sebastian. “I think he’s planning to ask the two of you to do something special for your routines. You know, the bigger the crowd the better the fundraiser.” He offered them a smile.

Kurt already knew without asking that he’d do it. One look at his boyfriend told him that Sebastian felt the same.

"Anyone fancy a dip in the pool?" Paul asked, standing up to start clearing the table. "We have it booked..."

Alex looked to Steph, not wanting to show his enthusiasm at the suggestion without her say so. "How about it?

Steph smiled. "Sure."

Alex enthusiastically kissed her cheek, and once again, Kurt could not repress the memories of his brother. He looked at Sebastian and took his hand.

"We're in too, right?" Brody asked. 

"I got a new bikini just for today," Alice said cheerfully. "With stars and stripes."

"God bless America," Brody joked.

Paul smiled. "Marc and I will clean up here. Seb can show you the way."

"We need to be back up by 9 though," Kurt reminded them. "Because when Macy's starts firing up their show, I want to be sitting out here on a picnic blanket under the fireworks, and kiss my boyfriend. It’s on my bucket list."

Sebastian returned his smile and kissed the back of Kurt’s hand.

He’d seen couples kiss under the fireworks and had always thought it was a tired cliché. But since he had started dating Kurt, he had realised that maybe it was okay to have some clichées in his life.


	2. Tonight I'm Loving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian try out a new routine at the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this chapter : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UecPqm2Dbes

"We really should start getting dressed," Kurt said, sounding very reluctant. They were still lying in bed, half entwined. Kurt was nuzzling the back of Sebastian‘s neck, an arm still firmly around his middle. ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and relaxed back into Kurt’s arms. It had quickly become one of his favourite places in the world. ****  
** **

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to the top of Kurt’s arm. ****  
** **

"I guess we should," he agreed reluctantly, but made no effort to move.  ****  
** **

Kurt‘s stomach rumbled mutedly against Sebastian‘s back. The ingredients for the lasagne stood untouched on the kitchen counter next to the wine.  ****  
** **

Sebastian felt his own rumble in answer. "We’d better pick up some food on the way to Satire too. We don’t have enough time left to cook." ****  
** **

Kurt sighed and resigned himself to his fate. "To be continued, then," he said resolutely, hugging Sebastian tightly for a moment before letting go and sitting up.  ****  
** **

Kurt ran a hand through his hair and looked around, trying to locate his clothes. He‘d need a new shirt, that was obvious. The one he’d been wearing lay crumpled up between the sheets. (He’d been aiming for the chair but apparently that hadn’t worked.) He slipped off the bed and walked over to his closet.  ****  
** **

"Do you need a fresh shirt as well?" he asked over his shoulder. ****  
** **

Sebastian rolled onto his back and stretched out like a starfish across the bed. He watched Kurt rummage around in the closet, blatantly checking him out.  ****  
** **

"Um...yeah,” he said jogged back to reality. "I think my dark teal shirt is in there.” ****  
** **

Kurt hummed and looked for the shirt, finding it between his own. There were quite a few of his things at Sebastian‘s as well. It was only practical on days like these. ****  
** **

He picked out a shirt that looked good with Sebastian‘s and carried both to the bed. As he noticed Sebastian looking, he struck a pose. "Like that, boyfriend?" he asked playfully. "It‘s all for you...but not until after work." He winked. ****  
** **

So far they‘d managed to keep their private lives and work separated. It wasn‘t always easy - especially when they did their routines and Sebastian was singing, which always made Kurt want to take him right there on the bar - but they were professionals.  ****  
** **

"I like everything about you," Sebastian said, rolling out of bed and stalking towards Kurt with a hungry look in his eyes, using the height difference to his advantage. "You should better put some clothes on before I decide to cancel work this evening and drag you back to bed to show you how much I like you." ****  
** **

"Tempting..." Kurt said coyly, eying Sebastian up and down, "but we didn‘t rehearse this routine to death only to flake out now. You can show me later." He gave Sebastian a small peck on the lips, took his shirt and headed to the bathroom. ****  
** **

Not long after, they were both dressed and headed for work.  ****  
** **

"Okay, it‘s about show time," Kurt said, licking the last crumbs of his deli pastry off his fingers. They were nearly at the bar. "One more kiss?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt, their lips sticking together slightly from their sugary dinner. ****  
** **

He stepped back, took Kurt’s trash off him and tossed it with his into a trash can on the corner of the street. ****  
** **

As they approached the bar, the first few patrons were queuing up outside. The bar didn’t open for another twenty minutes but it wasn’t unusual for the queue to start earlier. Their regulars recognised them, and applauded them as they got closer. ****  
** **

Kurt and Sebastian grinned and waved at the club goers as they walked through the doors into the club. ****  
** **

"Evening gents," Sebastian said to Marc and Joe. Marc was wiping glasses behind the bar, and Joe sat on a stool at the bar looking over a spreadsheet on his tablet. ****  
** **

"Hey kids. You up for it tonight?" Joe asked as he looked up from his work. "Jessy tells me our social media accounts are nearly exploding with people wanting to hear and see more of you." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. They‘d been greeted at the door like rockstars. "We have a new one, Joe. I think we‘ll rock the house." ****  
** **

Joe nodded. "As long as everything is cleared with Francis. I don‘t want to get sued for copyright violations on your songs." ****  
** **

Francis, who was in law school during the day and specialized in such topics, always made sure to get the performing rights for their songs. The bar really couldn‘t afford to get sued. Not that the routines didn‘t bring in a lot of money - they did - but they might be closed down while things were settled, and that would be bad for business. ****  
** **

"It‘s double-checked," Kurt assured him. He was already a little nervous. There‘d be a lot of interaction with the public for this one; but it was what they wanted. They were always clamouring for it, and now they were going to get it. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded along with Kurt as he spoke and added at the end. ****  
** **

"We got this Joe. The boys are gonna love it." ** **  
** **

He grabbed the two buckets they used for ice and turned to Kurt. "I’ll sort the ice if you do the fruit." ****  
** **

"Alright," Kurt agreed, and he reached for a pair of latex gloves and a cutting board under the counter.  ****  
** **

Joe was watching them work in unison and smiled fondly. "You‘re a good team." ****  
** **

Kurt looked up from the limes and grinned. They were. There was no competition, no real envy - they shared the pleasant and the unpleasant tasks of their jobs equally.  ****  
** **

"I‘m just glad not to be wiping ketchup off every surface anymore," he said, rolling his eyes a little. "I definitely owe Sebastian one for recruiting me." Even if he‘d be cutting fruit and clearing away glasses all night, it would still better than Spotlight. ****  
** **

Joe chuckled. "So do we. Maybe I should make him employee of the month, what do you think?" ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. "Of the year, even." ****  
** **

"Of the century more like," Sebastian said with a grin as he walked back into the bar carrying two buckets of ice. ****  
** **

Joe rolled his eyes fondly. "Or maybe I won’t at all." ****  
** **

"Aww, come on Joe, you know you love me!" Sebastian set the two buckets up on the side along the back wall. "There’s a queue forming outside already." ****  
** **

"Maybe that‘s just for _me_ , though," Kurt chipped in, blowing Sebastian a kiss. "Come to think of it, maybe _I_ should be employee of the month." ****  
** **

"Or me, for having to listen to you two lovebirds one-up each other," Marc commented drily. "What do you say, Joe? I may not bring in the big tips, but at least there‘s no risk of me eloping mid-shift..." He waved his hand, and the ring on his finger caught the light. ****  
** **

Joe shook his head. "I think I‘m gonna finish this in my office." He picked up his tablet "You kids have fun now." ****  
** **

Kurt finished the first batch of limes and put his gloves to the side. They had to set up a bunch of shot glasses and prepped mixing cups for their routine. As usual, the shots Kurt would be taking were watered down; after a few months at the bar, he‘d gotten a higher tolerance for alcohol, but he still preferred staying sober until after their performance.  ****  
** **

He checked the headsets. Both had enough battery power left. They were all set. ****  
** **

"Let‘s see what twitter says," Marc announced, and switched on one of the monitors over the bar that had a live feed. "I bet it‘s all you two again. No one ever mentions the poor schmuck who‘s worked here longest." ****  
** **

Kurt patted him on the shoulder. He knew Marc didn‘t mean it. They‘d asked if he wanted to take part in the routines, but he‘d refused, saying it wasn‘t his kind of thing. He complained, but never with real menace. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip. "Aww come on Marc!” he said, setting down the drip mats into the bar. "Everyone knows you’re the glue that holds us all together.” ****  
** **

"Yeah, yeah," Marc agreed, somewhat mollified. "Here, check this one out: _Kurt & Bas please do Too Sexy bc U R 2 sexy for this clubbb xxx #Satire_." Marc spelled out each letter carefully. "So eloquent." ****  
** **

Kurt smirked. "Not really in my range, but I agree with the general message of the song."  ****  
** **

Marc shook his head. "This one needs some Biology 101: _Just watching them made me pregnant #Satire #MyBabies_ ...honestly, no words."  ****  
** **

"That's awful," Kurt agreed. "I can tell you now I am not going to get anyone pregnant, ever." He winked at Sebastian. "Though we can keep trying, if you want." ****  
** **

"You never know,” Sebastian said with a grin. "We might break science!" He turned his back on them and shook his ass in a stupid manner. ****  
** **

"And _that_ is more than I ever wanted to know about your sex life," Marc said, shaking his head. ****  
** **

"Hey, this is inside information for the online polls," Kurt joked. "There are bets, you know." ****  
** **

"No, I _don't_ wanna know, thanks," Marc said, though not unkindly, and picked up a crate of beer bottles to restack the fridge in the back. ****  
** **

"Poor Marc," Kurt said to Sebastian. "We should take it easy on him. Though he did kind of start it." He finished topping off the prepared shots.  ****  
** **

"He totally started it.” Sebastian laughed. ****  
** **

He looked up as the doors opened and picked a bottle up, weighing it in his hand before spinning it around his wrist. ****  
** **

"Show time.” ****  
** **

Kurt rolled up his sleeves, and prepared to take the first orders. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

The club packed in quickly and they were soon rushed off their feet with orders. It was a good thing that the three of them worked so well together as they moved around the bar seamlessly without any mishaps. ****  
** **

Sebastian flirted his way through his customers, a wink here, a free shot there and they were soon eating out of his palm. ****  
** **

Out the corner of his eye he saw Kurt and Marc behaving in a similar manner and grinned. The game was on again - on Fridays, they made it a competition who could get the most numbers by the end of the evening, despite them all being in established relationships.

"That‘s niii-iiine," Kurt sang melodiously as he passed the other two to refill the ice, and folded a napkin into a small square before their eyes. ****  
** **

"Pa-theeee-tiiic," Marc replied in the melody, showing Kurt a large beer glass that held at least twice as many napkins with phone numbers. ****  
** **

Both looked at Sebastian expectantly. ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled and pulled a handful of napkins and slips of paper, adding the latest one to the pile. "Fifteen...come on Kurt, you’ve gotta at least try to help me push Marc off the top." He flirted with a grin. ****  
** **

Kurt gasped. "You‘re cheating, the both of you!" he said, mock-indignantly. "I bet you‘re just giving out free shots. I‘m telling Joe!" ****  
** **

Marc made an unmistakably rude hand gesture and blew him a kiss.  ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled and went to get the ice. He was enjoying himself immensely. He would never have thought he‘d find a place where he could have this - a camaraderie of sorts - with other guys. Without being the one singled out or having to tone down or police his voice or gestures. He was just ‘one of the guys’, and he could be as rude or raunchy as anyone without the others feeling threatened or disgusted. Of course, what was even _better_...one of the guys would take him home tonight. ****  
** **

Kurt wasn‘t really worried about losing their contest. They still had their routine coming up. When it was about that time, his count was up to fourteen and it could only get better. ****  
** **

He clipped on his headset and saw Sebastian do the same. The lights went out briefly, and a cheer went up in the crowd. They knew this cue by now, and everyone pushed towards the bar.  ****  
** **

Marc put down his towel and stepped back, ready to take a break. ****  
** **

The music started and Sebastian and Kurt looked at each other. Sebastian winked at Kurt and grinned as they each strutted down the bar and chose a victim.  ****  
** **

" _You, you."_ Sebastian sung, pointing at a guy who’d given him his number earlier.  ****  
** **

" _I know you want me."_ He ran his index finger under the guy’s chin. ****  
** **

" _I made it obvious that I want you too…"_ He pulled his finger away and turned his back on the man, bending down to grab a bottle that had been placed on the floor for this purpose. Out the corner of his eye he saw Kurt do the same. ****  
** **

" _So put it on me_ …" He stood up and turned with a snap, throwing the bottle in the air. " _Let’s remove the space between me and you."_ ** **  
** **

Their audience roared loudly, clamouring to be included.  ****  
** **

Kurt looked out over them, picking someone new. " _Damn, I like the way that you move_ ," Kurt sang, fixing a tall, blonde man with his eyes, " _So give it to me..._ " He kicked up a leg and planted his boot on the shelf below the bar, thrusting his hips forward in time with the mixer he was shaking. "' _Cause I already know what you wanna do..._ " ****  
** **

He saw the man‘s eyes glitter hungrily, and lowered his leg so he could lean forward. The man moved closer as well, wetting his lips. Kurt slid a drink over the bar and left him there, cocking his head with a sly smile and pulling up his shoulders apologetically. He had more than one person to cater to. It only made the others push in closer, realizing they might be next. ****  
** **

" _You know my motivation given my reputation...Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude…_ " ****  
** **

Kurt could see people push to get closer to Sebastian as well, holding dollar bills and business cards.  ****  
** **

" _But tonight I‘m loving you!_ " they sang together, each to guys in their own segment.  ****  
** **

Kurt flipped up a bottle of tequila and slammed a salt shaker onto the bar top. " _Tonight I‘m loving you…"_ ****  
** **

With each new line, he‘d beckon someone closer, lick a stripe over his own wrist, sprinkle salt on it, take a slice of lime on his palm and offer them a shot.  ****  
** **

He couldn‘t help but laugh at how eagerly they accepted, lapping at his skin and biting the lime out of his hand. It was a pretty heady feeling. In between shots, he‘d wipe down his arm discretely, and then offer it to someone else.  ****  
** **

By the time the second refrain came around, he had two well-intended hickeys on the crook of his arm as well as a handful of phone numbers. Nope, he was not losing to Marc tonight.  ****  
** **

As the song moved into the rap verse, Sebastian grabbed a bottle of liquor with a spout on the end and indicated for the guys nearest the front to bend their heads forward. They all did, opening their mouths and Sebastian walked along the line pouring the liquid into their mouths.  ****  
** **

Kurt was doing the same on the other side and they met in the middle at the line. ****  
** **

_"And I love the way you shake that ass,"_ Sebastian turned around and pressed his ass up against Kurt, rotating his hips seductively. _"Turn around and let me see them pants."_ ****  
** **

He turned back round and sung to Kurt. _"You stuck with me, I'm stuck with you...Let's find something to do..."_ He winked. _"Please excuse me I don't mean to be rude..."_ ****  
** **

" _But tonight I‘m loving you..._ "

God, Kurt wanted him so badly, and he was sure it showed. Hopefully, they could pass it off as part of the act. He raised his bottle for Sebastian and poured him a shot, before crouching on the bar to sing to the others.  

His end cue was up with Sebastian, and he took up the salt shaker and reached behind the bar for his prepared shots, taking several between his fingers. For the last repeating lines, he rose up to his knees and looked up to his boyfriend in the middle of the bar, among the cheering crowd. Kurt only had eyes for him. " _Tonight I‘m loving you!_ "  ****  
** **

He licked his lips. Sebastian knew what was coming, and obligingly pulled his shirt out his trousers and out of the way, baring his abs. ****  
** **

Kurt repeated his trick with the salt, licking it off Sebastian‘s stomach slowly before raising the shots between his fingers into the air as a toast, canting his hand so that the drink poured from one shot glass into the next until it reached his lips.   ****  
** **

Sebastian shivered at the feeling of Kurt’s tongue on his abdomen and the sight of him on his knees, inches away from being able to use that tongue on something else.

It took all over Sebastian’s will power to reach his hand out to Kurt and help pull him up. What he really wanted to to do was to do was drop his fly and use his hand to push Kurt’s face forward. ****  
** **

But not yet. They were here to do a job, and as much as Joe liked the show that they put on and the money they raked in, Sebastian didn’t think their boss would appreciate a show of _that_ kind on top of his bar. ****  
** **

They stared at each other for a moment, unspoken promises for later on passing between them before they turned to their audience and began taking orders. ****  
** **

"Good show," Marc said, throwing his towel over his shoulder and ending his break. “I am still gonna win our numbers game, though. While you were up there splashing alcohol over your abs, I was here raking them in…" He showed them his beer glass full of napkins.  ****  
** **

"As if!" Kurt replied, snorting. “We didn‘t get them warmed up for you to go home with the big bucks tonight." ****  
** **

Marc chuckled, pleased to have gotten a little rise out of him.

Sebastian slid up to Kurt and whispered in his ear. "You were so sexy tonight, babe. I can’t wait to get you back on your knees like that… but I guess we’ll just have to wait till we get home." ****  
** **

At Sebastian‘s words, a shiver ran down Kurt‘s spine. Keeping his eyes ahead, fixing one of their regulars, he replied: "Home? I‘m not sure I can wait that long. As soon as our shift ends, you‘re mine. I know Joe’s rules about this place, but as far as I know, he’s said nothing about the alley behind the fire exit." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and sauntered away from Kurt sashaying his hips. ****  
** **

The rest of the night went by fairly quickly after that. Sebastian continued to subtly tease Kurt, brushing up against him as the passed each other, bending suggestively when he had to get something from one of the low shelves and flirting with every guy he served. ****  
** **

He knew he’d pay for his behaviour later, but that was exactly the reason he was doing it. ****  
** **

Finally the last stragglers of the evening were kicked out and it was just the staff left behind. ****  
** **

"Right kids, it’s been fun but I gotta shoot," Marc said putting his jacket on. "It’s Paul’s birthday tomorrow and I’m taking him out for the day. Gotta be fresh." ****  
** **

"No worries Marc!" Sebastian said wiping the bar down. "We can lock up." ****  
** **

“And don’t feel _too_ sad about losing," Kurt teased as he walked Marc to the door. “I’m sure you gave it your best shot."  ** **  
** **

“Fuck you, Kurt," Marc replied, shrugging on his leather jacket and glaring at Sebastian, chuckling in the back. “Insolent children." ****  
** **

“We love you too, Marc,” Kurt said jovially. “Night guys,” he added to Terry and John as they walked out the door after Marc. ****  
** **

“Night Kurt, great show,” Terry said. ****  
** **

“Thanks,” Kurt shut the door behind them and bolted it shut. ****  
** **

"Terry and John just left too," Kurt announced, as he walked back to the bar. "Time for you to give me what you’ve been promising all evening...or was all of this-” he stepped up and put his hands around Sebastian, taking hold of his ass. “False advertising?” ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at Kurt and felt his knees go weak.  ****  
** **

“Never,” he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. How on earth had Kurt Hummel become the one person who could turn him into a desperate needy wreck? ****  
** **

They shared a heated kiss and locked up the club. Then, Kurt was pulling Sebastian along by the hand into the alley. He felt adventurous, sexy, and completely free. Kurt finally had everything he wanted. **  
**

 


	3. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Canada Roadtrip is on, but it isn't without obstacles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter - there's been a few versions of this song and they're all amazing. Here's a couple:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrLk4vdY28Q  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBo-n_17XU0  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRP8d7hhpoQ

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because we’ve been on the road ten minutes and it’s a nine hour car ride with stops."

"But are we _there_ yet?"

"I swear to God Sebastian if you ask me that one more time you can _walk_ to Canada."

Sebastian laughed and sat back in his seat, looking out of the window as the city rolled by them.

It was the first week of August and, as promised, the group of friends were travelling up to Niagara Falls to support Steph as she reconnected with her father after eleven years. Her sister and husband were heading up too but had opted to fly. Caroline had said that she’d rather suffer a 2 hour flight with an infant instead of a whole day in the car.

Steph needed the time in the car to psych herself up for the meeting. She had asked her friends to come with her and they’d risen to the challenge. They had hired a 7 seater SUV, planned the route which included passing a few landmarks on the way and the whole group promised to keep her mind busy for the length of the journey.

She was currently sitting up front with Alex, who was driving the first shift. Alice and Brody sat in the middle of the car and Kurt and Sebastian took up the two seats at the back.

"You know," Alex said conversationally, keeping his eyes on the road, "I can't _believe_ I have been dating a half-Canadian for almost two years and never even knew it!"

Steph sighed deeply and let her head drop against the headrest. "Alex, I told you a million times already: I am _not_ Canadian!!"

" _Half_ -Canadian," Alex corrected.

"No! Not half either! My dad moved to Canada after he and my mom split!"

"And now he's a Canadian citizen," Alex continued unphased. "And you're his half-Canadian daughter..."

"No, that's _not_ how that works, I'm.... _uuurgh_ _!"_  Steph threw up her hands in frustration.

Kurt hid his smile behind his hand and exchanged looks with Sebastian. He knew Steph wasn't amused, but listening to them squabble was just too funny.

"Say, what do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?" Alex asked, following up with the answer immediately. "The taste! Ha! Eh? Eh?"

"I'm going to leave him in the mountains to die," Steph said grimly. "Can anyone please shut him up?"

"Oh, put my playlist on!" Alex said. "It is roadtrip-alicious!!!"

Steph sighed. "Fine." She connected his phone to the car stereo. Shania Twain started playing and she settled back into her seat.

Brody turned around to face Sebastian and Kurt. "So either of you guys ever been to Canada?"

"Not me," Kurt said.

Sebastian shook his head too. "Me either.”

"I’ve been to Toronto once, it’s a very nice city." Brody said.

"I have to say I’ve always wanted to see Niagara Falls." Sebastian said. "Did you know that the reason behind the name ‘Bridal Veil Falls’?” They shook their heads. "It’s not because loads of people choose to get married there..." he explained. "It’s because the falls resemble a bride’s veil with the long trails of water."

"Um, yeah, thanks Mr Wikipedia," Alice remarked, adding " _nerd_ ," under her breath.

"Hey!" Kurt let out, kicking her chair. That was his job now. He took Sebastian's hand. "I think it's interesting," he said.

Sebastian grinned and stuck his tongue out at Alice who rolled her eyes and grinned back. He squeezed Kurt’s hand. He thought it was sweet that Kurt stood up for him. It was a nice feeling.

"Maybe we could go for a walk one day,” he said to Kurt quietly.

"I'd like that," Kurt replied, raising their hands to his lips and kissing the back of Sebastian's hand.

"Okay, I got another one," Alex announced, as a song by Bryan Adams just faded out, "You know why Canada has a hard water problem? Most of the time it's _frozen!_ "

A collective groan went through the car.

"So your dad's place must be pretty big if he has room for all of us," Kurt suggested, hoping to lead the conversation away from Steph wanting to kill her boyfriend.

Steph shrugged. "I guess. I've never been invited before. But his family owns a lot of real estate in California and Florida so it's not like he couldn't afford to live somewhere splashy." She looked out of the window. "Not that he ever bothered to pay more child support than he legally owed, though." She sounded slightly bitter, but Kurt didn't blame her. Going to meet a parent you hadn't seen for that long must be like meeting a stranger.

"In school, I used to think my parents were freaks because they were still together," Alice admitted. "All of my friends' parents were divorced. I actually asked them once! I thought it was pretty cool they all got to celebrate Christmas twice, you know?"

Brody rolled his eyes.

Sebastian bit his lip. He always felt awkward when conversations about parents came up. He squeezed Kurt’s hand and looked out of the window.

Alice noticed she'd put her foot in it and offered Kurt an apologetic look. "Seb..." she started, but Kurt shook his head. Nothing she could say was going to bring either of Sebastian's parents back, so it was best just to leave it.

Another Shania Twain song came on. Kurt tapped the beat into Sebastian's palm, teasing him back into their world again. He knew his boyfriend loved her music.

Sebastian glanced at Kurt and smiled at him a little.

"What’s more fun than a Canadian Microwave?" Alex said trying to lighten the atmosphere. "A Dutch Oven."

"SHUT UP ALEX!" the other five people in the car yelled, and Alex cackled and cranked up the tunes.

-

An hour later Alex had finally stopped the jokes and the atmosphere in the car had relaxed somewhat.

Alice and Brody were playing a game of travel uno on the seat between them, Steph and Alex were chatting quietly up front and Kurt and Sebastian were reading. Sebastian had leant Kurt the book he’d tried to give him last year and every so often would have to stop reading his own book to help Kurt translate or pronounce a word.

Sebastian had just finished helping Kurt with a particular phrase when Brody stopped playing to look up and speak to Sebastian, turning around in his seat so as to look at him properly.

"I think it’s amazing how you can switch from one language to another like that," he said honestly. "I was never good at languages in school and we only ever spoke English at home. Though my grandmother tried to teach us Italian…very unsuccessfully."

Sebastian smiled at him. "Well, my grandparents spoke English but, I had a French nanny who looked after me when I was small, and then I went to a local school...there was no other option _but_ to speak it. Plus, I was just always fascinated with words. It amazed me that the same phrase could be said a hundred different ways but mean the same thing."

"Wait… you don't speak Spanish?" Alice said, looking up from her cards. "You sang a Spanish song at Callbacks!"

Brody grinned. "Yeah, uh...I just taught myself that phonetically. I have no idea what that song is actually about. I always just hope it‘s a bit like the English version."

"I can‘t believe it! I was so impressed!" Alice let out.

"Then it worked," Brody said smoothly.

Kurt watched the two of them from behind his book and smiled softly. He couldn‘t blame Alice... bilingual people were _very_ sexy.

"Then what about those times-?" Alice whispered urgently, breaking off as she realised there were other people in the car.

Brody shrugged. "Well, _those_ words aren't hard to pick up..." He put a card down that helped Alice get Uno. "Come on, don‘t be mad. If it really matters that much to you I‘ll take a course."

Alice looked embarrassed. "No, I guess...that‘s ok."

"I’m sorry, Angel.” Brody said. "You can put down that pick up four and kill my ass if you want?"

Alice rolled her eyes but couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped through her mouth. "You’re an idiot," she said fondly.

Steph listened to their friends talking and smiled. She was glad she’d asked them to come along. It was a good distraction. She took Alex’s hand where it was resting on her leg and squeezed it.

Alex squeezed back and turned to her for a moment smiling. "We're all here for you, Steph," he said softly. "And if he's an ass, we'll pack up and go home."

"I know," she replied softly. She glanced over her shoulder to look at the others. They were her best friends. She had no idea how her dad would feel about Kurt and Sebastian, but she was fully prepared to stand up for them. They meant more to her than an absent, voluntary _Canadian,_ who happened to share some DNA with her.

A slow song started playing, and Steph smiled. They all knew this one from karaoke night. It was one of Alex' favourites. She looked at him from the side and started singing along softly.

" _I've heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord...But you don't really care for music, do you?"_

Alex immediately chimed in, his low register layering over Steph's softer pitch. " _It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth - the minor fall, the major lift..."_

The group in the back heard Steph and Alex start to sing and they smiled.

" _The baffled king composing Hallelujah…"_   Brody joined in, the other three following on with the rest of the line.

" _Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof…her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you,"_  Sebastian sung smiling at Kurt.

Kurt didn't try to follow Alex' key- it was too deep for him, and he knew it would sound forced if he tried. Instead, he layered their voices by going up a few octaves.

Alice closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. Listening to Kurt sing was always like going to a private mini-concert.  

They sung out the song together, their various pitches mixing together in a soft harmony.

Kurt hit the high note on the final 'Hallelujah' and they all smiled at one another.

"Oh I love that song!” Alice sighed happily. "Good choice Alex.”

Alex grinned. "Love me a bit of Leonard Cohen."

"Wasn’t he Canadian?" Brody asked innocently.

Alex grinned. "THANK YOU!!" he let out. " _Finally_ someone noticed."

Kurt frowned. "What do you mean?" he asked. _Oh_. Celine Dion. Bryan Adams. Avril Lavigne. Alanis Morissette, Michael Buble...Just then, Shania Twain started playing again. He sighed a little, half-amused, half-exasperated. "A _Canadian_ playlist?"

"It took you long enough!!" Alex said loudly from the front seat, honking his horn once at the car in front of him.

Kurt looked at Brody. "You knew...?" he asked.

Brody shrugged. "Of course," he said matter-of-factly, then sang along with the lyrics of _I'm gonna getcha good._

Kurt raised an eyebrow and looked at Alice.

"Oh, don't get me started," she replied. "He has a whole Shania playlist."

"Shania is a to-tal MILF," Brody let out in a high voice in the melody of the song, throwing Alice a kiss.

Alex held out his arm to the back and Brody fist-bumped him. Steph looked at Alice and rolled her eyes.

"Boys!" she let out.

"Excuse me?" Kurt said. "Shania Twain is not a Mom I'd like to _anything_ , thank you."

"Okay okay," Alex said, I got one for you boys, hold on." He fiddled with the entertainment panel on the car. Justin Bieber started playing.

"Oh god, that's just _Bas_ , not _me_ _!!"_  Kurt let out indignantly.

Sebastian smirked. "I like his music," he shrugged unashamed.

"Yeah!" Alice agreed. "He may be an asshole but his music is good."

"Yup," Alex agreed, drumming to the beat on the steering wheel.

Steph shook her head and smirked a little at her boyfriend. As annoying as he could be sometimes, she knew he meant well. It was his way of cheering her up and she loved him for it.

"How long have you been planning this?"

Alex shrugged. "A few weeks. I was going to just make a playlist of your favourite tunes, and then I realised a lot of those are actually Canadian and it seemed kinda fitting. I didn‘t even know Mr Snooty Bubbles was from Canada!"

He looked over his shoulder. "He‘s her fave. It‘s probably genetic!"

"Alex..."

"That was the last one, Steph, I promise! No more Canada jokes all weekend!"

"He might explode holding them all in," Kurt whispered to Sebastian.

-

But Alex was true to his word, and not a single Canada joke passed his lips for the hours to come.

In the back, Sebastian had given up on his own book and was quietly reading Kurt‘s French novel aloud. Kurt was listening, though his head was resting against Sebastian‘s should and his eyes kept slipping closed.

It didn‘t bother the girls at all that neither of them spoke French. They both agreed that it was simply a pleasure to hear Sebastian speak.

Every now and then, Alex would pick up a word and try to pronounce it, sounding like an animated french chef. Brody, who had admitted to knowing only a few pick-up lines in French, kept himself busy with his phone.

"Can we stop soon dude?" Brody asked Alex just after noon. "I need to take a leak."

"Me too!" Sebastian called out.

"There’s a rest stop about ten miles out," Alex said, nodding back at the sign they’d just passed. "We need to fill up the tank and I could do with stretching my legs as well."

-

A little while later they bundled out of the SUV stretching and groaning a little.

Sebastian took Kurt’s hand and squeezed it. "I’m gonna hit the head."

"Don‘t run off with strangers," Kurt joked, kissing his cheek.

Steph was looking down on her phone. "Caroline arrived. She says Bonnie was crying on take-off and landing but the rest was okay."

"Then the rest of the plane got lucky," Alice said. "The last time I flew, this baby next to me was screaming its little head off all through the flight." She shuddered.

"Bonnie isn’t really a crier," Steph said. "Thank god! She just can’t control the ear pressure thing."

"Poor baby," Alice said as they walked into the air conditioned rest stop. "Man, I love flying!" She said looking up at the sky. "I wanna fly somewhere where I can just lay on a beach all day and have Brody bring me cocktails."

Kurt chuckled. "There are no cocktail recipes with your bionade, though. I should know," he teased.

Alice stuck out her tongue and Kurt blew her a kiss.

He smiled. He didn‘t miss his old friends at all, apart from Mercedes. Of course, he‘d always be missing Finn. But the others? Blaine was in Los Angeles with Cooper. He’d not heard from Rachel since she cornered him outside of his dance class. From that radio silence alone he assumed the rumours about her being asked not to come back next year were true. He felt a little sorry for her. She had always been ambitious, but he couldn’t ever forgive the way she had sided with Blaine over him.

No, he didn‘t miss their drama at all. He‘d much rather be here, with Steph, to support her as they had all supported him after his break-up.

Kurt, Steph and Alice had just started trying on various novelty sunglasses in the shop when the others came to collect them.

"Oh that one looks great!" Brody commented, smirking at Alice, whose eyes were hidden behind two huge fluorescent pineapples. "Very Elton."

Alice snorted. "Shall I get these for you?" she asked sweetly, handing him a pair that looked like boobs in a bra. Brody put them on and they posed for a selfie.

"Alright, we got gas, let‘s go," Alex announced, holding up the keys. "Whose turn is it? I need a nap."

"Mine," Kurt said, holding his hand up. He didn‘t mind driving. In fact, he kinda missed it, having sold his old car. The rental reminded him a bit of his Navigator. "Shotgun, Bas?"

Sebastian grinned at him "oh yeah,” he said sliding his sunglasses on.

They bundled back into the car and Sebastian climbed into the front passenger seat. He smiled at Kurt as his boyfriend readjusted the driver's seat. His breath still caught sometimes when he looked at Kurt and realised that he was _his ._

They belonged to each other, each one a half of the whole. He leant across the centre console and placed his hand on Kurt’s leg as they pulled back out onto the highway.

 _'I love you, you know that?'_  He said quietly in French.

 _'I_ _do_ , _'_   Kurt replied, putting his hand on Sebastian‘s. He smiled. It sounded _even_ better in French.

Alex's Canada playlist was through, and they‘d put a local radio channel on. Kurt softly hummed along with a song.

A while later, nearly all of his passengers were dozing. There was only so many road games they could play before it got boring. Kurt enjoyed the peace and the long, straight road cutting through the country. Though the landscape was different, it reminded him of home.

The car made a jolt, and the steering wheel pulled to the left. Kurt frowned, correcting it to stay on the road. Had he run over a rock or a small animal? He checked the rear view mirror but saw nothing. The steering wheel jerked again.

Sebastian stirred as he felt the car jerk and he sat up suddenly. He looked at Kurt, who was trying to keep the car on the road.

"What’s happening?" he asked, sounding worried.

Behind him he heard their friends stir and start to ask similar questions.

Kurt pulled over and put his warning signals on. There was no other traffic, but still.

"The tire probably," Kurt mumbled. "I‘ll go check."

He got out of the car and walked around it. Sure enough, the back left tire was almost completely flat. Kurt sighed.

The others got out as well.

"Oh, crap," Alex said. "I thought they were supposed to check everything before a car is rented out!"

Brody shrugged. "Doesn't mean the tires are immune to punctures..."

"So...now what?" Steph asked, looking at Alice.

She shrugged. "I guess we have a spare?"

Somehow, the girls and Alex all glanced at Brody.

He caught their eyes and held up his hands. "Don‘t look at _me_! I have a musical theatre degree."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I‘ll do it," he announced, sounding a little bummed. He had given himself a manicure last night. So much for that - he‘d be arriving at Steph's dad with black cuticles.

"For real?" Alex asked. "You can do that?"

"Sure."

"His dad is a mechanic, Kurt grew up working in his shop," Sebastian said proudly.

"Ohh..." The others chorused softly, staring at him in awe.

"Is there anything he _can’t_ do?" Steph whispered.

Sebastian grinned. "Bowling."

Kurt winked at Sebastian and got back into the driver's seat and pulled a lever. The trunk popped open.

"Uh, shouldn't you pop the hood?" Alex suggested. "I think the spare‘s in the front. The rental guy showed us."

"Yeah," Kurt agreed, walked to the back and pulled out his suitcase. "But I‘m not changing a tire in a 60$ shirt."

He unbuttoned his shirt, pulled it off,  and took out an old McKinley Titans shirt he had packed to sleep in. It‘d do.

The girls stared at him.

Sebastian stared as well.

"Do you need a hand babe?" he asked as Kurt rummaged in the trunk for the emergency repair kit.

Kurt smiled. "You could check the glove department for the manual. I know what to do but there‘s a few things different for each model and it‘s been a while. Could you check if this car‘s pinch flange has a notch for the jack?"

He saw Sebastian‘s expression and quickly added: "If you read me the titles of the manual I‘ll know where you can look."

Kurt took out the tools and one of the floor mats, putting it down next to the flat tire so he could kneel without getting too dirty. He grimaced. The whole wheel was blackened with dust. But, like his dad said, ‘you can‘t be a mechanic without getting your hands dirty’. He pulled off the hubcap and set to work loosening the key lock and the lug nuts.

Sebastian found and read him the instructions for the jack, and, happy he had changed his shirt, Kurt lay down on his back to turn the jack‘s handle to lift the car.

"This is kind of amazing," Alice whispered, taking a picture. "Waiting for the road service would have taken hours."

"And the road service guys aren't usually this hot," Steph whispered, grinning.

Kurt lifted the flat tire out and put it aside. The spare was heavy and he could feel his arms protest. "Help me?" he asked, looking at Sebastian. The tire was new and clean, and together they carried it to the right spot. "Thanks," Kurt said, quickly stealing a kiss. He fitted the spare, let the car off the jack and tightened the lugs.

"I think this‘ll be okay until we get there," he announced after putting the tools and the flat tire away. He used a few of the paper towels with hand cleaner from the tool box, frowning at his nails. "But we should call the rental service and ask them for a shop referral before we drive back."

"Dude, you’re going to the top of my speed dial list for any car problems!" Alex said in awe.

"Thanks," Kurt replied. "But if this was my dream job, I could have stayed in Ohio."

"Thank you, Kurt," Steph said smiling at him.

"Yeah dude!” Alex said nodding. "We’d be lost without you."

"I know I would be," Sebastian said, staring at Kurt with wide eyes. He couldn’t stop the mechanic fantasies that were currently filling his mind.

Kurt smiled at him knowingly. He recognised the way Sebastian was looking at him. It promised good things for the week to come. He had no idea what the rooming situation was going to be like, but 'outdoors' was still on his bucket list anyway, and it didn't get much more outdoorsy than Canada.

"Alright, everyone get back in and let's go. The sooner we get there, the sooner I can soak my hands!" Kurt said happily.


	4. Reconnected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steph and her friends arrive in Canada and it's not quite the reunion she imagined.

The spare held, and after a few more uneventful hours, they arrived at the house of Steph's father. ****  
** **

Kurt, Sebastian, Brody and Alice waited a little down the path. Steph and Alex were still by the car. Alex was talking softly, his hands on Steph's shoulders. She was nodding. ****  
** **

"I know it must be scary for her," Kurt said softly, "but she has the chance to get a parent back, in a way." He took Sebastian's hand. It was no use thinking that way, for either of them, but he didn't hold back, knowing that he could say these things and Sebastian wouldn't get angry with him. ****  
** **

Sebastian squeezed it and brought their hands up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of Kurt’s hand softly. ****  
** **

"Depends on the parent I suppose," he said, looking back at Steph. He didn’t need his dad back. Smythe Sr. could stay wherever the hell he was. ****  
** **

They watched as Alex bent down to kiss Steph and she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. He held her for a moment before they pulled apart a little and made their way down to the rest of the group. Alex still had his arm around her. ****  
** **

"You ready?" Alice asked, stepping away from Brody to take Steph’s hand. ****  
** **

"As ready as I'll ever be," Steph said. "Let's go see if he's finally willing to give me a pony." She put on a smile and lead them to the door. ****  
** **

A tall man with a bushy beard opened the door. He was carrying a baby on his arm, cradling her against his shoulder. "Come in," he whispered. "Bonnie just fell asleep." ****  
** **

He stepped aside and let them all through. Steph looked a bit bewildered, but spotted her sister down the hall. Caroline shrugged and held up her hand in a 'what can you do?' gesture. She took her sister aside. ****  
** **

"He insists on carrying her everywhere," Caroline whispered. "He hasn't put her down since we arrived." Caroline straightened her back and walked over to her father. "I'll put her in the travel crib so you can say hi to Steph and her friends," she said, in a strict voice that had somehow grown on her with motherhood. Her father reluctantly handed the baby over, and remained quiet until Caroline had taken Bonnie out of sight. Then, he turned to Steph. ****  
** **

"Stephanie! You...look so beautiful," he said, looking at her with soft eyes. ****  
** **

"And you...have got Bonnie's drool on your shirt," Steph said. "Hi, Andrew." She looked at Alice and the others. "These are the friends I told you about." She briefly introduced them. ****  
** **

"Yes. Welcome! Thank you so much for coming. We have several guest rooms, I'll show you later, when Bonnie's awake. For now, let's just go to the living room so we don't make too much noise." He held out his hand to show the way. ****  
** **

"He was not this considerate when _I_ was a kid," Steph whispered quietly to Alex. ****  
** **

Sebastian squeezed Kurt’s hand as they all shuffled in.  ****  
** **

The house was beautiful, large and open. The evening sunlight shone through the windows  casting everything in a soft orange glow. ****  
** **

As they moved into the living room, Sebastian noted the large open fireplace and thought it would be the perfect place to cosy up in front of in the harsh winters. ****  
** **

"You have a beautiful home, sir," Sebastian said. The others all murmured their agreement. ****  
** **

"Thank you," Andrew said smiling as he walked up behind them. "Please call me Andrew and make yourselves at home!" ****  
** **

He went to make sure everyone had refreshments, and Steph and the others caught up a bit with Caroline‘s husband while Andrew was in the kitchen. Caroline had stayed upstairs with Bonnie to take a nap. ****  
** **

"She‘s tired _all_ the time," Ben muttered. "I mean, I am too, but at least I get to escape to the office for a few hours each day. I don‘t know how she does it." ****  
** **

"Bonnie‘s a darling!" Andrew let out, coming back to the living room with a tray of food and drink.  ****  
** **

"Oh yeah," Ben agreed. "She‘s also exhausting, loud, and pukes a lot." ****  
** **

"Gross!" Alex exclaimed, laughing uncomfortably. ****  
** **

"It‘s just milk," Steph‘s father said tenderly.  ****  
** **

Steph shifted in her seat. Alex offered to pour her a glass of water, but she shook her head.  ****  
** **

Kurt looked down on his hands. The situation was a little tense. ****  
** **

"Did you know Steph‘s really good in the monthly poetry competition at our local coffee shop? She‘s already won twice," he offered. ****  
** **

Andrew looked up at his daughter looking impressed. "Wow, that’s really good, Stephanie," he said. "What is your poetry about?" ****  
** **

"Oh umm, well my last one was-" Steph started to say, a little shocked that Andrew had taken the opportunity to ask but thankful to Kurt for the in. Bonnie suddenly started crying upstairs. ****  
** **

Andrew sprang into action, cutting Steph off. ****  
** **

"Hold that thought, I’ll just go and check on the baby." ****  
** **

"It’s okay Andrew, Caroline is up there. Bonnie probably wants feeding." Ben said, checking his watch. ****  
** **

"I can help." ****  
** **

"Might be a bit difficult as she breastfeeds," Steph snapped. ****  
** **

"Oh... um, yeah," Andrew said. "But I might just check if she needs anything, just in case." He hurried out of the room. ****  
** **

"Can you believe him?" Steph let out. "I don't even know what we are doing here. All he cares about is Bonnie, anyway." ****  
** **

"I'm sure that's not true," Kurt said, but he knew where she was coming from. Back when Burt only spent time with Finn, he felt the same way. ****  
** **

They all looked at each other, unable to think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound forced. ****  
** **

"I think, maybe...you’re overreacting a little," Alice tried carefully, looking at Steph. "We have only just arrived. Maybe your dad’s just nervous, and babies are an easy topic." ****  
** **

"I know, but…" Steph sounded very small and crestfallen. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lips and looked at Steph. "I don’t think you’re overreacting Steph," he said quietly. "You have every right to be pissed off and annoyed...but, maybe, for the time being...we give him the benefit of the doubt?" ****  
** **

"It’s okay to feel weird," Kurt added. "It‘s a weird situation. Don’t we all act a little different around our parents? I mean, we want them to _know_ we‘re adults, and have our lives settled, and we don’t need them anymore." He pulled up a corner of his mouth. "I mean, I spent my whole Christmas at home last year pretending Blaine and I had no problems..." He shook his head to dispel the thought. "But at the same time, we want them to pay attention to us the way they did when we were little. Like everything we do is amazing."  ****  
** **

Steph bit her lip and nodded a little. ****  
** **

"I’m sure it’ll get better once we’ve all settled in," Brody said, putting an arm around Alice. "Maybe if we all try to help him connect to you a little, Steph? If we get everyone talking and share a few stories that put you in a good light…"  ****  
** **

Steph shook her head. "No! No, I don’t want you to do that. If he’s not interested in me on his own accord, then-" ****  
** **

"He will be, once we tell him how awesome you are," Alex said, smiling. ****  
** **

Steph made a soft, whining noise and fidgeted in her seat. "I don’t like it," she admitted. "It feels too forced. It makes me uncomfortable." ****  
** **

"We’ve got you Steph," Alice said. "That’s why we are all here. And if it doesn’t help, we’ll stop." ****  
** **

"Okay," Steph said, relenting. She nodded to her herself. "But you _have_ to be more subtle about it than Alex was about Canada." She added the last almost pleadingly. ****  
** **

"We will," Sebastian reassured her with a kind smile. ****  
** **

"It’d be hard to be _less_ subtle than Alex," Kurt said with a grin. Everyone but Alex laughed.  ****  
** **

"Hey, it took you losers over an hour to figure out the theme of my playlist so you can bite my maple leaf, eh?" Alex said grumpily. ****  
** **

"Maybe later," Steph joked, giving him a peck on the lips. She looked like she was doing a little better already. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Unfortunately, the situation with Steph's father did not improve over dinner. Even though Caroline had managed to get Bonnie to sleep and was now enjoying a well-deserved moment of adult-time with her husband and friends, Andrew still seemed preoccupied with his granddaughter, asking about her health and their daily life. ****  
** **

Any attempt of the friends to direct the conversation towards Steph sort of ended nowhere, and it was clear Steph was getting agitated again. ****  
** **

"Could you check the weather report, honey?" Caroline asked her husband. "I want to make sure to pack the right clothes for Bonnie and if I don‘t pack tonight I‘ll surely forget something vital." She turned to her sister and Alice. "Nursing dementia; it‘s a _thing_." She smiled. ****  
** **

Andrew frowned. "Are you really sure you want to take Bonnie tomorrow? I mean, the Falls are so loud for such a little babe, I‘m sure she‘d be more more comfortable here. And you’d have to carry her everywhere and won‘t be able to look at everything you want... If you leave me some formula, I could-" ****  
** **

"You know what, Andrew?" Steph cut him off. "Maybe Caroline wants to take Bonnie on the trip because she’s _her_ baby. Maybe they want to do things _together_ , as a _family_. A family where children don‘t get left behind if they are inconvenient." ****  
** **

Kurt held his breath and shot Sebastian a look from the side. Alice and Brody froze as well.  ****  
** **

"Wh-" Andrew said looking at his daughter in shock. "That’s not what I-" ****  
** **

"Oh, sure it’s not," Steph snapped bitterly. ****  
** **

"That’s not what I meant at all! I just meant, maybe Caroline and Ben want to spend some time alone together, and then I can spend some time with my granddaughter." ****  
** **

"Oh, but of course," Steph said in mock understanding. "How silly of me. I really should have known, since she’s all you’ve given a damn about since the moment we arrived." ****  
** **

"Steph..." Alice tried carefully, but Steph shook her head. ****  
** **

"Bonnie‘s my granddaughter," Andrew tried, looking conflicted. ****  
** **

"Yeah. And Caroline and I are your _daughters_. I thought the reason we were invited here this week was so you could get to know _us._ " ****  
** **

"You are!" ****  
** **

"Well, then you have a poor way of showing it," Steph let out. "We haven’t heard from you in _years-_ " ****  
** **

"Your mother and I had our problems," Andrew tried. ****  
** **

"So that’s an excuse to just up and abandon your _entire_ family?" ****  
** **

Andrew looked up at his daughter and felt guilt settle inside him. ****  
** **

"No, of course it’s not an excuse..." he tried. ****  
** **

Sebastian shuffled uncomfortably in his seat and reached for Kurt’s hand. He looked up at Steph and felt a mixture pity and pride. Pity because she _had_ to do this, and pride because she was doing something about it. He thought about his own family and wondered what he’d do if he got a similar opportunity. It would be nice to show them what he’d made of himself and his life. He’d proved them wrong. But there was still so much hurt there, and he knew deep down that nothing he said would ever change their mind...so what would be the point? ****  
** **

He scowled. There was never an excuse for parents abandoning their children, and yet so many people _did_ and got away with it. ****  
** **

Kurt held on to Sebastian‘s hand, knowing it had to be hard to witness yet another family dispute. But maybe, in a way, it made him feel less like it had only happened to him. ****  
** **

"I had a lot of problems with myself, too," Andrew confessed. "And when your mom lost-" He stopped himself. ****  
** **

"We know about the baby," Caroline said, speaking up for the first time and sounding a little choked up. ****  
** **

"It was my fault," Andrew continued. "She was supposed to avoid all forms of stress, but I went and lost my job, and we were fighting a lot-" He shook his head. "I couldn‘t deal with it. It was too much." ****  
** **

"But you didn’t just leave her, Andrew...you left _us,_ " Steph said sadly, the fight fading from her. ****  
** **

"I...I handled it badly." ****  
** **

"That’s an understatement," Caroline added under her breath. "I get you leaving mom, relationships don’t always work, but you just abandoned _us_ ...we woke up one morning and you were just _gone_ ..." Caroline continued. "Mom tried to explain, but both of us _knew_ it was us. _We_ did something wrong and it made you leave."  ****  
** **

Andrew clasped a hand over his mouth, looking between his grown daughters with tears in his eyes. "No, Caroline...no." ****  
** **

Caroline shrugged. "It didn‘t matter if it was true or not. It changed us. I took a job after school as soon as I could to support mom. Steph stopped sleeping through the night, became afraid of the dark again. She‘d wake me up to go and check if mom was still there." ****  
** **

Steph leaned into Alex. He put an arm around her. ****  
** **

Andrew looked devastated.  ****  
** **

Sebastian’s heart went out to him a little. But then he looked at his friend. Steph looked as though one more word would shatter her. Sebastian’s expression hardened. Andrew deserved to be confronted with this truth. ****  
** **

"I’m so sorry..." Andrew said quietly. ****  
** **

"Sorry doesn’t make up for eleven years with nothing, Andrew," Steph said blankly. ****  
** **

"I know," he whispered. "I feel so ashamed. The last thing I want to do is make you feel unwelcome. I want to know you, Stephanie, and you, Caroline...I hope you’ll give me the chance to redeem myself." ****  
** **

"Why now?" Steph asked. "Why not when I graduated? Or when Caroline got married? Did you think you could just skip a generation and try again with Bonnie?" ****  
** **

"I didn‘t think you would have wanted me there," Andrew said softly. "I was afraid you‘d turn me away." ****  
** **

"Yeah. Imagine how _that_ would have felt," Steph said bitterly.  ****  
** **

Caroline sighed. "Steph, I think he gets it." ****  
** **

"I do, Stephanie, and all I can do is apologise. And try to do better." ****  
** **

Steph sucked her teeth but nodded. The atmosphere around the table was stilted. ****  
** **

"People call me _Steph_ , now," she offered.  ****  
** **

"Okay," Andrew replied, nodding. ****  
** **

Bonnie started crying upstairs and Caroline automatically stood up and hurried from the room. For the first time all day, Andrew remained seated. ****  
** **

"So um..." he started, unsure of what to say. ****  
** **

"So," Alex picked up, "the way I see it, Andrew, you have a bit of history to catch up on. Now, I wasn‘t there for the first couple of years, but I could fill you in on how Steph and I met. It‘s actually kind of hilarious-" ****  
** **

Everyone visibly relaxed as Alex started talking. Kurt sat back and listened. He hadn‘t heard this story yet either. ****  
** **

"She hit me with her bike."  ****  
** **

"She what?" Kurt asked, unable to help himself. ****  
** **

Steph laughed a little. "I crashed into him...I was cycling through the Park and a flock of pigeons flew up in front of me, I swerved to avoid them...and crashed into him." ****  
** **

"A kit of pigeons," Sebastian added under his breath. ****  
** **

"Shhh, linguistics nerd," Alice whispered.  ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. ****  
** **

"So this beautiful girl literally comes falling into my arms, and smart as I am, I catch her and use the opportunity to ask her out. I think she mostly said yes because she felt so guilty, but...whatever works, right?" Alex continued. ****  
** **

Brody chuckled. "Good call, bro." ****  
** **

Andrew smiled at Alex. "Well...thank you, for making my daughter happy and for looking after her..." ****  
** **

Alex smiled. "It’s my pleasure sir, I love her." ****  
** **

Steph pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. ****  
** **

Sebastian watched them with a smile and raised his and Kurt’s joint hands to his lips. He smiled at Kurt and kissed the back of his hand. ****  
** **

Andrew looked around his table at the small group. "Thanks to all of you," Andrew said. "For driving up here and giving me the opportunity to meet her." ****  
** **

Caroline came back into the dining room. "Bonnie’s asleep again," she said, and yawned. "If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go and pack for tomorrow’s trip and then join her." ****  
** **

"I’ll come with you," Ben offered. ****  
** **

"Wait, don’t you want to hear about the time Steph saved me from getting kicked out of Dr Thiessen’s class?" Alex asked. "It’s an awesome story…" ****  
** **

"Maybe tomorrow, okay? Bonnie’s bound to wake up at least twice more tonight and we both kind of need our sleep," Ben replied. ****  
** **

"Maybe we should also go," Alice offered. ****  
** **

"But I haven’t heard this story-" Brody protested, until he saw the look on Alice’s face. It didn’t look like she was very tired at all.  ****  
** **

Alex had seen it too, and just held out his fist to Brody without looking at him.  ****  
** **

Brody bumped it, and quickly followed Alice to their guest room. ****  
** **

"I’d like to hear it," Andrew said. "Who’s Dr. Thiessen?" ****  
** **

" _Oh boy_ ," Alex started, and got ready for a long story. ****  
** **

"Actually, can we save this one for tomorrow?" Steph asked quietly. "I’m exhausted." She looked it, the emotion of the last few hours seemed to have caught up with her. ****  
** **

"You can tell me in the morning," Andrew said gently. "I really have a lot to catch up with." ****  
** **

"You do," Steph agreed, but there was a little less sadness in her voice than before.


	5. Fireside Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everyone else has gone to sleep, Kurt and Sebastian spend some well-deserved 1:1 time by the fireplace.

"What a day," Sebastian said, sinking back into the sofa. Andrew had just headed up to bed with the rest of their party, leaving him and Kurt alone. "I mean, the car ride alone was tiring but…poor Steph. Dinner really was a disaster." ****  
** **

"I know," Kurt sighed, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder. ****  
** **

"I hope things will settle down tomorrow," Sebastian said, putting his arms around Kurt. ****  
** **

Kurt burrowed himself a little further into Sebastian's arms. "At least her dad apologised. Better late than never…” He paused. There was something about the fireplace and the way the sofa was aimed at it instead of being pointed at a tv set that made him feel like cuddling up and have long, deep talks. ****  
** **

"If your grandparents asked you to come back to Paris to talk things over...would you go?” he asked in a quiet voice. The thought had been floating around in his head all evening. ****  
** **

Sebastian sucked in a breath as the thought ran through his mind. He bit his lip. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “Maybe if it was Mamie. It was mainly my grandfather who said all the stuff and sent me away.” He swallowed. “But even though I miss her sometimes, she didn’t stand up for me, or come after me...and I don’t know if I can forgive that.” ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. “I understand.” He thought about it. “I’m not sure they deserve your forgiveness. It would just be interesting to hear what they have to say for themselves, I guess.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag that all up.” ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. “It was already brought up,” he said quietly. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since we got here.” ****  
** **

“Me too,” Kurt admitted. “Having been here tonight though, watching Andrew be confronted with the pain he has caused his daughters, I feel like...your grandparents got off too easily. I wish I could go there and give them a piece of my mind.” ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at him. “Me too. Maybe one day we will…” His smile faltered. “I love my life here, Kurt. I love you and our friends, and Marc and Paul...but I get homesick sometimes. I don’t know if I could go back now. Seeing it again...it might make it too hard to come back, you know?” ****  
** **

Kurt nodded thoughtfully. “I would not let you go alone,” he promised. “So if we ever do, and you want to stay in Paris...I’ll stay there with you.” ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and turned into Kurt, pressing their foreheads together and holding him close. He couldn’t put into words what it meant to him that Kurt would do that, even hypothetically. ****  
** **

Kurt held Sebastian tightly, holding the connection.  ****  
** **

Sebastian pulled his legs up on the couch and moved to rest his head against Kurt’s chest.  ****  
** **

After a while of sitting in silence, Kurt, still holding Sebastian close, looked around the room. ****  
** **

“It was nice of Steph to offer us the larger guest room. I think she may have done it to provoke her dad a little, but he handled it well,” he said as a way to give Sebastian an out of the heavy emotions of the evening. ****  
** **

Their room was the only one with a double bed; one that looked inviting and comfortable, and Kurt couldn’t wait to try it out. Andrew hadn't batted an eye when she suggested it. Maybe the idea of two strangers sharing a bed, whatever their orientation, was easier for him than the idea of his daughter and her boyfriend sleeping there. ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled and kissed Kurt’s chest over his shirt, tightening his arms around him. "I think after Steph’s outburst he wouldn’t have dared," he said. ****  
** **

He closed his eyes and nuzzled the fabric, the familiar scent of laundry detergent and cologne lulled him into the secure feeling he only found in Kurt’s arms.  ****  
** **

"I have major house envy," he said looking around the room. "This place is beautiful." ****  
** **

"Yes..." Kurt sighed again. "Imagine having enough room to spontaneously host 8 adults and a baby..." He glanced out of the window. "And have an actual garden... I mean, I love New York and there's always the parks, but...it has something." He grinned. "Of course if we _did_ get a place with a plot of land around it, we'd need a very attractive gardner…" ****  
** **

"Oh yes!" Sebastian agreed. "And a pool boy." He grinned and kissed Kurt’s throat. "We can have whatever kind of place you want, babe. All I ask for is a big kitchen." ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. "And a big bed..." he added playfully, running a hand up Sebastian's thigh. ****  
** **

"Oh yes!" Sebastian agreed, moving his face to nuzzle Kurt’s shoulder. "And a waterfall shower that’s big enough for two." ****  
** **

Kurt sighed. "It'll be a while before we can afford something like that...unless I get a good part soon, of course," he added idly. It didn't really matter; it was all future talk. For now, they both still had their own places. ****  
** **

"Yeah," Sebastian said smiling. "It’s a nice dream to have, though." ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt agreed. It felt good to have a dream again, to think of the future and not just see the great unknown. He used to have so many dreams...and somehow they had all fallen by the wayside to that one vision of marrying Blaine. He silently wondered how long it would take before he could think about his time with his ex without feeling angry and bitter all over again. He deliberately locked it away now and focused back on Sebastian. ****  
** **

"What about dogs? Maybe we could adopt one or two from a shelter...preferably house-trained ones…" ****  
** **

"Oh, I want at _least_ two dogs," Sebastian said, nodding with a smile. "Big dogs like Poppy and Lola, though I guess medium sized dogs would be okay…I don’t want small yappy things." ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. "Then we both get to pick a name. But we also get veto rights! I don‘t want anything obscene...and no New Directions." ****  
** **

"You underestimate me, babe," Sebastian said, looking at Kurt. "Why the hell would I ever name my dog after one of those people?" ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "Ironically, maybe," he mumbled, a little relieved. He could not live with a dog called Rachel Berry or Mr Schue, ironically or not.  ****  
** **

He turned his head towards his boyfriend and kissed his lips. The hypothetical naming of fur-babies could wait, when they had this view, the fireplace and a comfy couch all to themselves. ****  
** **

Sebastian hummed happily against Kurt’s lips and kissed him back softly. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of this. ****  
** **

"What did I do to deserve you?" He whispered. ****  
** **

"You're _you_ ," Kurt mumbled cryptically. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and sat up a little to kiss Kurt’s lips. "I love you." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled and closed his eyes, returning the kiss and basking in his boyfriend‘s words. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at him. He paused for a second before speaking softly. ****  
** **

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked quietly. ****  
** **

Kurt opened his eyes and turned to look at Sebastian. "Of course." ****  
** **

"Why don’t you say ‘I love you’ more?" Sebastian asked. "Either when I say it to you, or even in general...you don’t say it much." ****  
** **

He didn‘t look disappointed, just curious. Kurt tried to explain.  ****  
** **

"I‘d rather say it when I want to say it...in my own time, you know? Otherwise, it‘s just like an automatic reply...It does not mean I _don‘t_ love you," he said looking down at him.  ****  
** **

Sebastian sat up so he could see Kurt properly and nodded. "I guess I have been in this longer than you," he said wistfully. ****  
** **

"That’s not it. That’s not it _at all_ ," Kurt said earnestly. He hesitated. He didn‘t like talking about his time with Blaine, but at the same time, saying things aloud that he hadn‘t dared to say back then helped him come to terms with what happened, and maybe it also helped Sebastian understand him better. ****  
** **

He took a deep breath.  ****  
** **

"Blaine...said it a lot. Usually to end an argument. Because when he said it, I _had_ to say it back- which meant interrupting the conversation and dropping what I was about to say. If I didn’t say it...he would act like he was the victim.” ****  
** **

Kurt paused. With some distance, he could see more clearly how manipulative it had been.  ****  
** **

"His ‘ _I love you’_ s were like...a blanket apology, or excuse. ‘ _I spent your wages on expensive take-out. I invited others without asking. I slept around. I hurt you - but_ I love you _, Kurt, so it’s okay.’_ ”   ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed hard.  ****  
** **

"It felt like...a reminder to be grateful - because he loved me, _despite_ of my faults, and that alone was so _generous_ and _brave_ of him that it meant he had permission to do whatever he wanted." ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip, silently seething with anger at Kurt’s ex. He’d always known it was bad, but until Kurt had started opening up over time, he’d never appreciated how bad it actually had been for his boyfriend. ****  
** **

"I’m not him, Kurt. I would never use it against you like that." ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "I know you’re not him, Bas.” ****  
** **

He knew it wasn‘t easy for Sebastian to hear things about his previous relationship.

"Maybe I can re-learn to say it again in reply without all the added baggage,” Kurt offered. "But until then...I‘d rather say it spontaneously." ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip. “You don’t, though. You hardly say it at all…” ****  
** **

Kurt was a little taken aback at the look on Sebastian’s face. “I...didn’t think I needed to,” he admitted. “I thought you’d...feel it in the things I did.” ****  
** **

It was a little bewildering. For Kurt, it was clear as day that he loved Sebastian. From the way they made love, to the absence of mind games and passive-aggressive sarcasm, to the fact that he’d introduced Sebastian to his parents - he felt like he said it with every single kiss, every shared meal, every touch. Maybe it just wasn’t as clear as this for his boyfriend. ****  
** **

“I do, for the most part...but sometimes, I guess I need the confirmation...for it to be said out loud?” Sebastian said, almost like a question. He felt silly for voicing it and didn’t want Kurt to feel bad. ****  
** **

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said softly. He took Sebastian’s hand. “I love you, Sebastian. I love everything about you. And I will tell you so more often, so you don’t forget.” ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and nodded, squeezing Kurt’s hand. “Thank you.” ****  
** **

"You know, if you want," Kurt started, a grin creeping onto his face, "We could go for a nightly walk...and I’ll _show_ you just how much I love you…” He winked.  ****  
** **

Sebastian ran his hand down Kurt’s back and rested it just above the swell of his ass. ****  
** **

"Why, Kurt Hummel, are you propositioning me?" he asked in a sultry voice. ****  
** **

"Maybe I am, only one way to find out," Kurt replied, mentally already crossing something off his bucket list. ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

Kurt shivered. He had already showered after they had come back inside, but he was still freezing. It had been worth it- but now he needed to get warm again before he lost a toe. Sebastian was still in the bathroom. Kurt poked his head back inside. ****  
** **

"I'm borrowing your red socks, okay?" ****  
** **

Sebastian was brushing his teeth and just nodded. Kurt blew him a kiss. It hadn't gotten old yet, wearing his boyfriend's clothes. There was something about them that felt like a portable hug. ****  
** **

Kurt hummed happily and opened Sebastian's suitcase. The socks were neatly rolled up in a corner. Kurt's fingers brushed the red pair he wanted, then frowned. One pair of socks was larger and lumpier than the rest. Looking over his shoulder in the direction of the bathroom, Kurt hesitated. He didn't want to invade Sebastian's privacy. He remembered very well how awful it had felt when Blaine had gone through his phone, and he trusted Sebastian. Still, he was very curious. He softly squeezed the pair of socks, and his eyes widened. There was a small, square lump inside. ****  
** **

Like a small jewelry box. ****  
** **

Kurt pulled his hand away quickly, grabbed the red socks and closed Sebastian's suitcase. His heart was pounding. ****  
** **

Sebastian rinsed his mouth out and walked back into the room. Kurt still stood by the suitcase and Sebastian smiled. He stepped up behind his boyfriend, and wrapped his arms around Kurt’s waist. He buried his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck and breathed deeply, the scent of apple filling his nostrils from Kurt’s body wash. ****  
** **

"You smell divine,” he whispered, biting Kurt’s shoulder lightly through his t-shirt. "Good enough to eat, I’d say." ****  
** **

Kurt forgot the suitcase and its contents for a moment and closed his eyes. "Mmm...I thought we were going to sleep," he mumbled, his hands pulling Sebastian's shower-warm arms closer around him. He dropped the rolled up socks. As they landed on his bare feet, he remembered.

He knew he had a choice: to pretend he never noticed anything, and act surprised when or if Sebastian decided to tell him what it was, (knowing it would probably mean more than a few sleepless nights), or to ask him about it. ****  
** **

As carefully as possible, he decided to ask. ****  
** **

"Bas...I'm sorry for snooping, but...what's with the box in your suitcase? In your socks, I mean? I didn't take it out, I just- " ****  
** **

Sebastian, who had started peppering Kurt’s shoulder with tiny kisses, froze at Kurt’s question, and then grinned, relaxing again. ****  
** **

He pressed one more kiss to the base of Kurt’s neck and then released his grip on him to reach forward and pluck the socks in question from the suitcase. ****  
** **

"I’m sorry,” he said gently, taking the small Tiffany box out of the wool. "It’s not for you.”  ****  
** **

He opened the box to show Kurt the simple white gold band with a pear drop diamond. "Alex asked me to look after it. He’s planning on proposing to Steph this week.” ****  
** **

He hoped Kurt wouldn’t be disappointed that the ring wasn’t for him. Sebastian knew he would be marrying Kurt one day, but they weren’t there yet - they had only been together a few months after all. ****  
** **

"Wow..." Kurt let out admiringly. "It's so beautiful... She'll love it!"  ****  
** **

He smiled, suddenly feeling very relieved. "So he has plans...I always took Alex for more of an impromptu guy, you know?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. "Apparently, he bought it after their first date,” he said quietly, thinking back to the week before when Alex had turned up at his door looking nervous. ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

"Hey Seb, here. Check this out." Alex leaned over on the couch and took out a small box, opening it facing Sebastian. ****  
** **

It was a week before their Canada trip, and Alex was hanging out at Sebastian's place, killing time until Kurt was ready at Vogue and they could go and see a movie. He gave Sebastian an expectant look. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at the ring nested in the Tiffany’s box and smiled. ****  
** **

"Oh _honey_ , I didn’t know you cared so much,” he said, placing his hand over his chest. "The answer is _yes!_ ” He batted his eyelashes. ****  
** **

"Ha fucking ha, Seb," Alex said grumpily. "It's for Steph. _Obviously_." He snapped the box shut. ****  
** **

"Steph? Who is this Steph? I thought I was your only love!?” Sebastian cried dramatically.

Alex glared at him and Sebastian grinned. "Sorry,” he offered, chuckling at his friend. ****  
** **

"I thought maybe, uh...you could keep it safe for me,” Alex said shyly after Sebastian had stopped teasing him. "I want it to be a surprise, and knowing myself I'd probably lose it or forget to take it with me...I wanna do it in Canada." ****  
** **

"Of course I will,” Sebastian said smiling at Alex and taking the box from him. He looked at the ring again, admiring the cut of the stone. ****  
** **

"What do you think?" Alex asked nervously. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at his friend and closed the box. "I think Steph is a very lucky girl. She’ll love it. Congratulations.” ****  
** **

Alex smiled bashfully. "Thanks. Yeah, I, uh...I got it after our first date. I mean, I wasn't gonna propose _then_ , that would have been creepy and I don't even think she liked me all that much back when she met me, but...I knew right away she was the one." ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at his friend and a warmth blossomed in his chest. For all his joking and brash nature, Alex really did care. ****  
** **

"I’m happy for you, really!” He paused. "Who knew you were such a softy.” ****  
** **

Alex frowned. "I am not! I am a _hard_ , _manly_ man!" He looked at Sebastian and blinked. "Um. You know what I mean," he muttered. He fidgeted for a moment. "I'm kind of afraid she'll say no," he confessed. "But I think it's time I try, anyway. Ever since her sister had her baby, Steph's been...I don't know. Maybe not jealous, but...I think she feels a bit left behind. I wanna show her that I‘m serious. About her, you know? About us." He shrugged. "I know I joke about a lot of things, but... I really love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and patted Alex’s back. "I don’t think she’ll say no. Steph loves you Alex, don’t ever doubt that.” ****  
** **

Alex nodded thoughtfully. "I hope you‘re right. I‘m _so_ out of my depth. I already googled like, twenty epic proposals but there‘s no way I can get a moonwalk down, or get the president on the phone, or…" ****  
** **

Sebastian had never seen Alex so nervous before. It was an unusual sight, but not in a bad way. It was sweet. ****  
** **

"You don’t need to do any of that, dumb-ass. Just tell her how you feel. And throw in the fact that you’ve been carrying that ring around for nearly three years!” ****  
** **

"Well, technically I had it in my sock drawer..." Alex started, but he smiled again, looking relieved. ****  
** **

"Do you think it‘s dumb if I take _her_ name? It‘s just so much cooler sounding than mine. And I don‘t think my parents will mind, they‘ll just be happy I‘d manage to keep a girl at all." ****  
** **

"I don’t think it’s dumb at all,” Sebastian said honestly. "I’d take Kurt’s...” He blushed a little. It  was the first time he’d said it out loud. ****  
** **

Alex looked at him. "I...didn't know guys even did that." He thought about it. "But I guess it makes sense. I mean, he'll probably be pretty famous and you're gonna wanna tag onto that," he said, winking. ****  
** **

Sebastian rolled his eyes. _Aaaaand Alex is back in the room_ , he thought. ****  
** **

"I don’t care about that,” he said honestly. "But being a Smythe hasn’t ever done me any favours, and Kurt’s family are amazing. I’d happily take their name and be a part of them.” ****  
** **

Alex smiled sadly. "I get that," he said. "Hey, but don't jump the gun on us and steal my thunder, okay? I think Steph would like being the first in our gang." ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed and shook his head. "Don’t worry my friend, I have no immediate plans to have a husband.” ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. He could just imagine it. He had gotten to know Alex quite well by now. He was thoughtful, and quite romantic in his own way, and he cared about Steph more than anything. ****  
** **

A thought struck him and he wrinkled his nose. "I hope he doesn't plan on asking her _dad_. I don't think that would go over very well with her. I hated the fact that my dad knew Blaine was going to propose before I did. It was humiliating." He shrugged. "Like the rest of the proposal, I guess.” ****  
** **

"Yeah,” Sebastian agreed, still feeling awful he had been a part of that. "But I don’t think he will. I don’t know if he has a plan, he just wanted me to bring it as he wants to do it here.” ****  
** **

He smiled. He was happy for his friends. ****  
** **

"He’s a pain in the ass,” Sebastian added, hugging Kurt again. "But he cares...and he worships the ground Steph walks on.” ****  
** **

"Yes, he does," Kurt replied. Then he grinned and hopped on the balls of his feet. "I love wedding planning!" he let out. "Maybe Steph will let me help. Oh, will you be best man? We'll need to get new suits!" He gasped. "Maybe Chase can help us, he's so many connections-"  ****  
** **

Suddenly, Kurt was not tired or cold anymore at all. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned. "I will be his best man yes, and I am positive that you will be consulted on fashion choices.” ****  
** **

"I can‘t wait!" Kurt said happily. "Oh, maybe he‘ll ask tomorrow, at the Falls?" ****  
** **

"Maybe,” Sebastian mused, running his hands down Kurt’s arms. ****  
** **

"Are you disappointed that it wasn’t for you?” he asked quietly. ****  
** **

Kurt looked at Sebastian. "To be honest, I‘m a little relieved. I mean, we don‘t even live together. This is our first holiday...I think I just want to enjoy having a _boyfriend_ for a while before getting another fiancé." ****  
** **

He hoped Sebastian knew what he meant. To make extra sure, he took Sebastian‘s hand. "I love you, Bas. I want to be with you. I just want to take it slow and enjoy every step of the process." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and squeezed Kurt’s hand, using the grip to pull Kurt towards him. "I want to enjoy it too! I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I want to enjoy it and get to know each other this way before we go any further.” ****  
** **

He kissed Kurt slowly, raising his free hand to cup Kurt’s cheek. "But I love you too, and I hope that we’ll get there one day, when we’re both ready.” ****  
** **

"I‘m sure we will," Kurt promised. He could easily see the things they had talked about - the house, the dogs; but he was not in a hurry. This, right here, was already a pretty good happily ever after. **  
**

  



	6. Niagara Falls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The friends visit an impressive Canadian landmark, and come back in good spirits- most of them, anyway...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lullaby in this chapter can be listened to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN38P4DypUo

"I‘m serious, if you put that picture of me online I will _end_ you," Kurt repeated for the fourth time, trying to grab Brody‘s phone. Brody teasingly held it out of reach. ****  
** **

"But you look so lovely, Kurt," he laughed. "A vision in disposable bags! Maybe I should email it to your boss as an idea for her newest collection." ****  
** **

"Don‘t you dare!" Kurt put up a threatening finger. _All_ of them had worn the flimsy plastic raincoats they were given at Niagara Falls to protect their clothes from the spray, but Brody had taken a very unfortunate picture of Kurt just as a gust of wind made the baggy coat billow out like a plastic jellyfish. ****  
** **

"Bas, _do_ something!" Kurt sulked as they entered the house of Steph‘s dad and put down the bags they had taken on their small day trip. "Your best friend‘s lover is a menace." ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed and snatched the phone out of Brody’s hand. He looked at the photo and couldn’t help but laugh at the indignant look on Kurt’s face as the see-through plastic billowed up around him. ****  
** **

"Send that to me?" he said to Brody with a grin. ****  
** **

"Sure," Brody said, taking his phone back and and forwarding it. ****  
** **

"I hate all of you," Kurt muttered. He didn‘t really think Sebastian (or Brody) would do anything really bad with it, but somehow he knew the joke would probably be on him for the rest of the trip now. ****  
** **

The Falls themselves had been very impressive. The four couples had split up for a while to take a walk in pairs, and then rejoined later for group selfies and a visit to the Clifton Hill fun fair. It was there that Brody had gotten bored with their constant reminiscing about Coney Island and had started scrolling through his pictures and found the horrendous snap of Kurt. ****  
** **

Kurt preferred his picture from Coney Island by far. ****  
** **

"Hey, welcome back! How was it?" Andrew greeted them as they walked through the front door. He looked as if he was tempted to take Bonnie from Caroline, but resisted and helped Steph out of her coat instead. ****  
** **

"It was great!" Alice said happily. ****  
** **

"It was beautiful," Steph said, blushing slightly as her dad helped her. After her outburst the night before, Andrew had been making a bigger effort with his daughters. It was taking some getting used to, but wasn’t unpleasant. ****  
** **

"And we got some great shots for the family album!" Sebastian said, patting his phone. The notification of Brody’s message had just come through. ****  
** **

Andrew smiled. "Sounds like you had a good day. I’ve laid out fresh towels incase you all want to shower and warm up before dinner. I figured as it’s nice out we’d barbecue." ****  
** **

"Good. I‘ll go first," Kurt said. He looked at Sebastian and narrowed his eyes. "By myself," he added pointedly. ****  
** **

Brody glanced at Sebastian and made an apologetic face. He half-expected Alex to chime in, but he was talking quietly to Steph. It didn‘t look like either of them had heard Kurt at all. ****  
** **

After Kurt went upstairs, Brody stepped up to Sebastian. "I won‘t really upload it anywhere, you know that, right?" he asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned at him and nodded. "I know, but it’s fun to tease him. And the make-up sex is fantastic." He winked. ****  
** **

Brody chuckled. ****  
** **

"I’m gonna go freshen up too," Alice said, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss Brody’s cheek. ****  
** **

“I hope you guys don’t mind, I’m going to bed for a bit,” Ben said, kissing his wife and daughter. “I took the night shift last night and I’m completely beat.” ****  
** **

“That’s fine, honey. We’ll save you some for later,” Caroline promised. ****  
** **

"I’ll go set up the barbecue," Andrew said. ****  
** **

Slowly they all followed Kurt up the stairs. Sebastian entered his and Kurt’s room and heard the sound of the shower through the wall to the ensuite. ****  
** **

Grinning, he stripped and grabbed a towel before making his way into the bathroom. He hung his towel up on a hook on the wall and opened the glass door to the shower, stepping up behind Kurt. ****  
** **

"I’m sorry," he said, kissing Kurt’s shoulder. ****  
** **

"Yeah yeah," Kurt mumbled, "I‘m interested in deeds, not words." He glanced over his shoulder and winked, showing Sebastian he wasn’t _really_ upset. Though that didn‘t mean he wouldn‘t let Sebastian grovel a little. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

About an hour later, everyone had found a seat on the terrace. Andrew and Brody were standing by the barbecue, discussing ‘wood versus coal’. Alex and Steph were sitting together, and Alice sat by Steph‘s sister. She had little Bonnie on her lap. ****  
** **

"Why is it that men are only interested in cooking when it involves fire and smoke?" Alice said, rolling her eyes and wiggling her fingers at Bonnie. ****  
** **

"I‘ve seen Brody cook turkey before. _Indoors_ ," Kurt said, a little irritated by Alice’s generalisations about his gender. He was sitting on Sebastian‘s lap. "Apparently it was so good Rachel even forgot she was a vegan." ****  
** **

Alice frowned. "Oh. We haven’t...I guess we‘re just too busy for cooking," she mumbled, not looking too pleased. ****  
** **

Kurt felt a little sorry, but Alice did sometimes need a little reminder that her experiences were not universal.  ****  
** **

"Bas and I like cooking too, by the way," he added, just in case. ****  
** **

"Maybe it’s a straight guy thing," Caroline said as she watched Brody and her father at the barbecue. “Ben is not interested in cooking anything if he can’t burn it to a crisp.” ****  
** **

Kurt sighed deeply and gave up. ****  
** **

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt’s waist and hugged him close. "Maybe they are right. I think there is something about fire in general that brings out the tribal ‘we are men, men make fire and cook meat,’" he said. ****  
** **

"Neanderthals," Caroline agreed nodding. ****  
** **

"I‘m so glad you‘re a girl," Alice cooed in a high voice, looking down at Bonnie. "Yes, _yes_ I am! The world needs more kick-ass women and less Neanderthals!" ****  
** **

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Well, _this_ Neanderthal isn‘t getting smoke in his freshly washed hair, tribal instincts or not." ****  
** **

"Kurt has a point," Caroline said, and changed to a seat closer to them to be out of the fumes. ****  
** **

"See how women flock to me?" Kurt joked. "Natural selection. Only guys that don‘t smell like bbq get the girl." ****  
** **

"Unless the girl is hungry," Steph objected, speaking up for the first time. She turned to Alex. "Go hunt me some red meat, my manly man of the tribe!" ****  
** **

Alex grinned and got up. Steph used the opportunity to slap his ass. ****  
** **

They sat around chatting until the food was ready. There was an art show coming up just before school started again, and they were making plans to go and view it. When Andrew shouted to announce the food was ready, the group got up and helped bring out dishes of bread, potatoes, salad and a big bowl of coleslaw that Alice had made. Kurt slid into the seat next to Sebastian and began helping himself to food. Sebastian loaded his plate with one of everything and began eating a turkey skewer with vigor. ****  
** **

"As much as you all bitch about it, nothing beats meat cooked over an open flame," Alex said, biting into his burger. ****  
** **

"Or roasted vegetables," Alice added, brandishing a tofu-and-paprika shishkebab.

“Is tofu even a vegetable?" Alex asked looking at Alice. ****  
** **

“Yes," Sebastian said coming to her rescue. “It’s made from mashed soya beans, and, if seasoned correctly, can actually be quite enjoyable." ****  
** **

Alice smiled at him in thanks and Sebastian winked.  ****  
** **

"I suppose you guys don’t get to barbecue much in the city?" Andrew asked. ****  
** **

"Not much, none of us have balconies, let alone gardens," Brody said. "And Central Park only allows public barbecuing on special holidays." ****  
** **

"We had one together on the fourth of July, though," Kurt added, glancing at Sebastian and smiling. He put his hand on Sebastian‘s knee and squeezed softly. They had kissed under the stars, and it was one of his favourite new memories. ****  
** **

"It was super-romantic," Alice sighed. "We had this view looking out over the entire city...we watched the fireworks…" ****  
** **

"Ate a shit-ton of food..." Alex sighed. ****  
** **

Sebastian took hold of Kurt’s hand and squeezed it, smiling at his boyfriend warmly. That had been a good day. ****  
** **

"Speaking of super-romantic..." Steph started, and Alex sat up, wiping his mouth on a napkin. He gave her a small nod. ****  
** **

At Steph’s words Sebastian perked up and looked at Kurt. He was grinning. They turned to Alex and Steph expectantly. ****  
** **

"When we were at the Falls today Alex asked me a very romantic question..." Steph beamed at Alex and held up her left hand. "And I said yes." ****  
** **

"The question was if she‘d marry me," Alex added importantly. ****  
** **

"I think they got that from the ring, darling," Steph whispered fondly. ****  
** **

"I knew it!" Alice let out, squeaking happily. "I _knew_ something was up when all of us went to get hotdogs and _Alex_ stayed behind. Pay up, B." She held out her hand and Brody grudgingly slapped a bank note onto it. ****  
** **

"Congratulations, you two," Caroline said. "That‘s wonderful." ****  
** **

"It is," Andrew agreed “I’ve only just met you, Alex, and I’m still getting to know you again, Steph, but I can already see how great you are together." ****  
** **

“Thanks," Steph said softly. ****  
** **

The others all congratulated the couple as well. ****  
** **

When everyone had said their bit, Steph looked at her father. "I thought, maybe...you could walk me down the aisle...dad?" ****  
** **

Andrew was visibly moved. "I‘d be honoured," he said softly. ****  
** **

"Please let me help with the planning!" Kurt blurted out, unable to wait any longer. ****  
** **

Everyone chuckled at Kurt fondly and Sebastian dropped his hand to slide it around Kurt’s waist instead. ****  
** **

"Of course!" Steph said. "I need your expertise. And," she said turning to Alice and her sister, "I need you two as my bridesmaids...and Bonnie as the flower girl!" ****  
** **

Alice and Caroline both squealed. "Of course!" they exclaimed. Alice lifted Bonnie’s little arms in the air and mimicked ‘jaay’. “Matching baby dresses! I want it NOW!" she added excitedly.   ****  
** **

"And you lot will be my ushers?" Alex said to the men around the table. ****  
** **

"Duh!" Sebastian said, taking a sip of his drink. Alex had already asked him to be best man. ****  
** **

"I can hardly wait!" Kurt said excitedly. "There‘s _so_ much to discuss!" ****  
** **

"Well, we‘ll have plenty of time," Steph said. "I don‘t want to do it in the middle of a semester so it‘ll probably not be until next summer, or after graduation. I need time to parade this around too..." She showed her ring around again, smiling happily. ****  
** **

Alice handed Bonnie back to her mother so she could switch seats and dote on her best friend. ****  
** **

Brody watched her for a moment, then turned to Kurt and Sebastian. ****  
** **

"You know what this means, huh?" he said, and leaned forward to them, lowering his voice. "Epic. Bachelor. Party." ****  
** **

"YEAH!" Alex yelled loudly, startling Bonnie. She started to cry. ****  
** **

Alex looked instantly guilty and apologised to Caroline. She waved him off. "It’s okay. It was just the sound. She’ll be fine." ****  
** **

The girls turned to coo at Bonnie while the men started to discuss plans. ****  
** **

"We’ve gotta go away somewhere!" Brody said instantly. "My cousin did _Disney World_ for his." ****  
** **

"Steph will kill me if I do Disney without her, pretty sure Alice would kill you too," Alex argued, shaking his head. ****  
** **

"What about Vegas?" Sebastian suggested. ****  
** **

Alex‘ eyes grew big. "Dude!" he let out. ****  
** **

"Oooh, we could go see Celine Dion!" Kurt chimed in. ****  
** **

They all smiled at him. ****  
** **

“Bless your innocent mind," Brody said fondly. He looked like he was resisting the urge to pat Kurt on the head. ****  
** **

"So long as you don’t pull a ‘hangover’ and lock me on top of the building we’re golden!" Alex said pointing at him. "Then yes, we can see Celine Dion." ****  
** **

"I haven‘t even seen that, so I think we‘re good," Kurt agreed. "Jaay, Celine Dion!" ****  
** **

"Canada‘s finest," Andrew commented. ****  
** **

"That reminds me of a good joke-" Alex started, but one look at Steph made him change his mind. "Which I‘ll tell you guys later," he finished. "Gotta go get my fiancée another drink." He got up and obligingly refilled Steph‘s water glass. ****  
** **

"So whipped," Brody said, smirking. Then Alice held up her glass and he groaned. "Forget I said anything," he mumbled, and got up to get her a refill as well. ****  
** **

Caroline got up and walked up to Kurt and Sebastian. "Could you take Bonnie for a bit? I need to go change my blouse and you haven‘t had her yet." ****  
** **

Kurt glanced from the large wet spot on Caroline‘s clothes to Bonnie, who was looking angelic in a potentially dry-cleaning incident kind of way. He glanced at Sebastian. "Uh...?" ****  
** **

"Do you want to go to uncle Sebby, honey?" Caroline asked Bonnie, who burped and wagged tiny pink fists. ****  
** **

Sebastian’s eyes widened in surprise but he held out his arms instinctively and allowed Caroline to place Bonnie in them. ****  
** **

He settled back in his chair and adjusted the baby until she was comfortable. Bonnie looked up at him with wide eyes and gurgled happily. ****  
** **

"Hello, little one." He cooed softly, poking her hand gently with his index finger. Bonnie grabbed on to it and instantly brought her hand up to her mouth. Sebastian chuckled. ****  
** **

Kurt watched his boyfriend with a soft smile. He already knew how good Sebastian was with dogs, but he looked pretty comfortable with Bonnie as well. ****  
** **

"Yes, Bonnie. My boyfriend looks good enough to eat, doesn‘t he?" Kurt joked. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked up at him and winked, grinning. ****  
** **

"She’s so tiny," he whispered in awe, looking back down at her. "And soft." ****  
** **

Sebastian took his finger away to run it down her face instead. Bonnie closed her eyes and sighed softly. ****  
** **

' _Au Clair de la lune, Mon ami Pierrot_ ,' Sebastian started singing softly. ' _Prête-moi ta plume, pour écrire un mot._ ' ** **  
** **

This had been one of Sebastian favourite nursery rhymes as a child. Singing it now brought back faint memories of his grandmother singing him to sleep. ****  
** **

' _Ma Chandelle est morte, je n’ai plus de feu. Ouvre-moi ta porte, pour l’amour de Dieu.'_   ** **  
** **

Kurt cocked his head, watching the two of them. If he could fall in love with the same person twice, it was happening now. He got up and lifted his chair to put it closer to Sebastian and Bonnie. He remembered the song from one of his mother‘s books, a collection of French fairy tales and nursery rhymes. He put a hand on Sebastian‘s arm and softly sang the second verse. ****  
** **

_'Au clair de la lune Pierrot répondit: Je n'ai pas de plume, je suis dans mon lit…'_ ****  
** **

Sebastian looked up and smiled at Kurt. His heart swelled in his chest and his visions of the past were quickly replaced with views of the future. Him and Kurt holding their _own_ child and singing them to sleep. ****  
** **

' _Va chez la voisine, je crois qu’elle y est_ ,' Sebastian sang, joining in with Kurt for the last half of the verse. _'Car dans sa cuisine, on bat le briquet.'_ ** **  
** **

Bonnie had fallen asleep under the gentle sound of their singing and everyone around the table had stopped to listen. ****  
** **

"Seriously you guys, could you get any fucking cuter?" Alex said shaking his head and handing Steph her drink. ****  
** **

Sebastian blushed but smiled at Kurt happily. ****  
** **

"They do set the bar pretty high," Brody mused. ****  
** **

"Are they from France?" Andrew said, looking a little confused. "I thought you said-" ****  
** **

"Seb lived in France for a long time," Steph explained. "And Kurt can do anything." ****  
** **

"Yeah, he fixed our car on the way here!" Alex said. "And he knows like, martial arts and stuff, and he writes music-" ****  
** **

"Alex, please," Kurt said quietly, feeling a little embarrassed. "You‘ll wake Bonnie again." ****  
** **

"Oh, she‘s asleep! That‘s amazing, thank you so much," Caroline said, walking back out in a fresh shirt. "Shall I put her in her bed?" ****  
** **

Sebastian blushed a little and shook his head. "No, it’s okay," he said. "She’s comfy." ****  
** **

"Where in France did you live, Sebastian?" Andrew asked intrigued. ****  
** **

"Paris," he responded. ****  
** **

"Oh wow, what did you move back for?" ****  
** **

The whole table froze. "A-Andrew," Alex said hurriedly, "W-where did you get these turkey legs? They’re amazing." ****  
** **

"Had ‘em my whole life," Andrew said, slapping his thigh.  ****  
** **

Steph was never happier for an actual dad joke in her life.  ****  
** **

"Nice," Alex said, chuckling. ****  
** **

“No, it’s okay guys," Sebastian said. He turned to look at Andrew. “My family kicked me out after finding out I was gay." ****  
** **

Andrew sat back, staring at him a little. “I-...I’m sorry. I did not expect that." ****  
** **

Sebastian briefly pulled up a corner of his mouth. “Yeah, neither did I. But here I am." He looked at his friends. “And I have a new family now. A better one. One that actually wants me." ****  
** **

“You do, man," Alex said, blinking a little.  ****  
** **

“Yes," Alice agreed.  ****  
** **

“To family," Brody said, raising his glass. He nodded at Andrew, including him in his toast. ****  
** **

Andrew cleared his throat. He got up and raised his glass as well, looking at Steph and Caroline. “To family," he agreed.


	7. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian meet Dani at a hipster bar to scout new talent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs for this chapter : Lady Gaga, Monster - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mP2srT6hh2Y  
> Michael Jackson, Is It Scary - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Io6b5GlkaU

The rest of their week in Canada passed quickly - a sign of all of them having a good time. Andrew had been the perfect host, and as things settled down, he and his daughters started rebuilding their relationship. There was still a long way to go; eleven years worth of hurt and pain couldn’t be eradicated in a single week. But a lot of groundwork work was covered, and as Steph hugged her dad goodbye on the morning of their departure, she felt like they had all made a big step towards becoming a family again. ****  
** **

"Bye, dad," she said against his broad shoulder as she held him tight. "Thank you for a really nice week." ****  
** **

"Thank you for coming," he said quietly. "Thank you for giving me a chance to get to know you. You’ve become a fine young woman, Steph. You’re so beautiful and talented and have a great group of friends. And I’m so happy you have found Alex. What you two have is special. That doesn’t come around all too often, so hold on to it." ****  
** **

Steph blinked back tears and hugged her dad tighter. "Thank you." ****  
** **

Andrew closed his eyes and kissed his daughter’s hair. "I love you,  Steph." ****  
** **

Smiling she pulled away from him and kissed his cheek before releasing her grip on him so that he could say goodbye to the others.  ****  
** **

"You okay?" Alex asked her, wiping a tear away from her cheek. ****  
** **

"Yes," she said honestly. "I am. I guess…I have my dad back." It still sounded a little surreal. ****  
** **

Alex smiled at her. ****  
** **

As Andrew said goodbye to their friends, Caroline and Ben came up to Steph, carrying Bonnie. ****  
** **

“Thanks for coming along, Steph,” Caroline said. “And for bringing the entourage. I think it would have gone a lot differently without them.” ****  
** **

“Yeah,” Steph agreed, her fingers playing with her engagement ring. She wasn’t quite used to the feel yet, but it gave her little butterflies every time she brushed her fingers over it. ****  
** **

“Will you be okay here?” she asked her sister. Their flight wasn’t until later that evening so they would be spending most of the day with him. ****  
** **

Caroline smiled. “Sure. I’m gonna take dad up on his offer to babysit Bonnie. And you know what I am going to do?” Her eyes glittered. “ _Sleep_.” She sighed happily. “Wonderful, glorious sleep.” ****  
** **

Ben grinned. “You deserve it,” he said. He kissed Steph’s cheek. “Will we see you at your mom’s next week?” ****  
** **

Steph nodded.  ****  
** **

Once all goodbyes had been said, they all bundled into the SUV. ****  
** **

The day after Niagara Falls, Alex and Kurt had taken the car to a garage in town to buy a new spare. ****  
** **

"I hope there’s no more stray nails on the road," Kurt said from the middle row of seats, where he and Sebastian sat as Brody pulled out onto the main road. "If my dad hears I changed another tire, he might yet try to get me into the family business." ****  
** **

"That would be a big loss for NYADA. But I bet you’d look good in grease-stained coveralls, babe," Sebastian said with a wink. A collective sigh from Steph and Alice told them that they agreed. ****  
** **

"I look good in _anything_ ," Kurt replied confidently, feeling pleased. ****  
** **

"Apart from plastic see-through bags," Brody said grinning at Kurt through the rearview mirror.  ****  
** **

Kurt held up his middle finger at him. ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed a little and kissed his cheek. “I think you looked great in that too,” he said. ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

"Babe? What time are we meeting her again?" Sebastian called out into the apartment. ****  
** **

It was the day after their return from Canada. He was stood over the bathroom sink shaving away the stubble that had grown over his face whilst they were away. Kurt had teased him for neglecting his grooming on their vacation, but Sebastian knew he secretly kind of liked the scruff when they made out. Now it was time to get back to their New York habits though. ****  
** **

They were getting ready to go out and meet Kurt’s friend Dani. The two had reconnected since bumping into each other at the clinic, and this evening, she had invited them out to a gig her friend Elliot was doing.  ****  
** **

("It’s a tough crowd and he needs support, come with me please?") ****  
** **

They had agreed and were meeting her at the venue later that evening. ****  
** **

"At ten, but it‘s not far," Kurt replied from the bedroom.  ****  
** **

He was standing in front of his closet, considering what to wear. Dani had told them it was a hipster bar/restaurant, and they had asked Elliott to fill in the evening entertainment. She had insinuated that the place wasn‘t a perfect match for his special talents, and that she expected enthusiasm to be mediocre.  ****  
** **

Kurt was curious. Dani was over the moon about her friend, but friendship went a long way. With Kurt’s new position as Isabelle‘s PA, Satire and replacing Marco as Mr Hura‘s TA on a permanent basis now, Kurt had given up hopes of starting his own Madonna cover band, but it didn‘t mean he wasn‘t interested in scouting new talent. Their karaoke group could always use reinforcement. ****  
** **

Kurt chose a patterned button-down and plain dark jeans, deciding low-key was the way to go. He hoped the bar served anything besides Bionade. ****  
** **

"Can I take your hoodie for the way home if it gets cold?" he called out. ****  
** **

Sebastian peered around the bathroom door and smiled at him. "Of course babe, you know you don’t need to ask." He swept his eyes over his boyfriend’s outfit. "You look great." ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. "So do you. I think it‘s my favourite look for you." He blew him a kiss. "But maybe you should get dressed if we want to make it outside." ****  
** **

Sebastian winked at Kurt and turned his back to him, shaking his ass comically.  ****  
** **

"I thought I’d just go out in my underwear," he joked. "Purple _is_ a good colour on me." ****  
** **

"It‘s also a good colour on my floor," Kurt mused. ****  
** **

\--

Shortly before ten, Kurt and Sebastian were hurrying to the bar, looking a little rumpled and flushed. At least it hadn‘t been more than a few blocks. ****  
** **

"There you are," Dani let out. She was waiting outside with her phone out. "I sent you like three texts." ****  
** **

"Sorry! We, uh- got held up," Kurt explained, shooting a glance at Sebastian and grinning. ****  
** **

Dani rolled her eyes, but then smiled and hugged him and Sebastian in turn. "Thank you for coming." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at her. "I love a good indie show...I’ve been looking for something new to write about on my blog." ****  
** **

Dani smiled at him. "You write?" ****  
** **

"Reviews and articles mainly...English Major."  ****  
** **

"Wow," Dani said. "We're reversed-cliché-twinsies! I do-" ****  
** **

"Chemistry. To get into forensics," Sebastian supplied, smiling. ****  
** **

"You remembered?" Dani asked, looking surprised.   ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and nodded, "of course...I remember everything." ****  
** **

"Everything, huh?" Dani replied, wiggling her eyebrows.  ****  
** **

"Hmm-mm," Kurt confirmed. It was simultaneously a good and a bad thing. There were quite a few things he'd told Sebastian about Blaine that he wished they could just forget. Then again, he also never had to ask his boyfriend to do a chore more than once. ****  
** **

"How've you been, Dani?" Kurt asked. ****  
** **

Dani smiled and took his arm as they went inside. "Same old. Gunther's an ass. Broadway folk are bad tippers...I had a girlfriend on the Roller Derby team for a bit, but, eh..." She shrugged. "I'm too young to settle down." She winked at Kurt. She was the same age as him, but age was a feeling. ****  
** **

"How about you guys?" ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. "We went on a roadtrip to Canada with a couple of friends. It was amazing! We went to see Niagara Falls, and two of our friends got engaged! _And_ \- we saw a moose." ****  
** **

Dani snorted a little. " _That_ was your personal highlight? Seeing a moose?" ****  
** **

"Well, _a_ highlight...of many," Kurt admitted. "The others aren’t PG." ****  
** **

He looked around the bar. There were chairs and tables attached to the ceiling, hanging upside down, and some of the regular seats were upcycled carnival bumper cars. The wallpaper had pictures of anthropomorphic bunnies playing chess. Most of the bar's clientele were wearing knitted hats and large scarves. "Oh...kay," Kurt said slowly, side-eying Dani.  ****  
** **

She shrugged. "I know. It's not my kind of place either. And definitely not Elliott's. But beggars can't be choosers, right? He said their band was kind of cool." ****  
** **

Sebastian looked around the place, silently thinking that Alice would love it. "What kind of music is he gonna sing?"  ****  
** **

Dani had said that Elliot’s style didn’t quite match the venue. ****  
** **

"He's a bit of a glam, electronic dance guy," Dani replied, cocking her head and frowning. "He _rocks_ . This place...does not. I told him to throw in a few mellow ballads about craft beers or saving the earth or something. Because these guys-" she nodded at the people sitting next to them at another set of carnival ride seats, "are not gonna get up and dance." ****  
** **

Kurt smirked. "No, they don't look like the type..." ****  
** **

They had just settled down with their drinks (Dani had taken a bumper car, but neither of the boys were able to fold their long legs into one and still sit comfortably so they had taken a plush chaise longue together) when the band came on to the little stage in the corner of the bar. They started setting up their instruments. There was no sign of Elliott yet. Dani had told them they'd know him once they'd see him. She hadn't promised too much. ****  
** **

As the music started playing, a tall, dark-haired man stepped into the room, wearing a sequined top hat, a sparkling frock coat and a steampunk kilt over platform boots that made him look even taller. His eyes were heavily rimmed with black kohl and glitter, and he wore fingerless leather gloves and deep blue nail polish. He carried a pink rhinestone-set cordless microphone, and started straight into _Life on Mars_. ****  
** **

"Starchild, huh?" Kurt whispered, looking at him with wide eyes. ****  
** **

"I see what you mean," Sebastian said quietly to Dani. Starchild definitely did _not_ fit here...but he was spectacular. "His voice is amazing!" ****  
** **

"I know!" she said smiling. ****  
** **

Kurt was unable to take his eyes off him. He looked intimidating and vulnerable at the same time. "Is he...out?" he asked carefully. ****  
** **

"Oh yeah," Dani replied, cheering up a little. "You can say that."  ****  
** **

A couple next to them laughed a little as Starchild struck a pose at the end of the song, and Kurt frowned. They reminded him of his fellow students at McKinley. To make up for it, he clapped loudly.  ****  
** **

Starchild seemed to have taken Dani‘s advice, and after his opening song, launched into a generic pop song. The mood visibly relaxed, but Kurt was secretly hoping he‘d present more of his own style. ****  
** **

Sebastian liked Elliot, too. He was a good performer and owned his stage. If he was put off by the lack of atmosphere from the crowd, he didn’t show it. Between each song, Sebastian, Kurt and Dani shouted and clapped as loud as they could to show him support. The rest of the audience mostly ignored the stage. ****  
** **

"What is wrong with these people?" Sebastian asked the other two. ****  
** **

"Hipster zombies," Dani grumbled. "I mean, I like my phone and my coffee as much as the next millenial, but when someone is making an effort, it's only polite to pay a bit of attention." ****  
** **

Kurt didn't reply. He was too captivated.  ****  
** **

Starchild gave his indifferent audience a dark look. " _I've never seen one like that before..._ " he announced in a sultry tone, and Kurt shivered in anticipation.  ****  
** **

_"Don't look at me like that…"_ ****  
** **

Kurt gasped. Was he going to do Lady Gaga, right here, for _this_ crowd?  ****  
** **

Starchild made a beckoning finger to their seats, looking at Dani. ****  
** **

"This is my cue, guys," she said, getting up. ****  
** **

The intro to _Monster_ started, and the drummer set the tone with loud disco beats. Dani got onto the stage and took up a spare microphone. The keyboard player was lacing it with a different melody, though, and the beat changed to resemble a heart beat. Kurt gasped as he realised it wasn't just going to be a cover. It was a mash-up. Dani started singing Lady Gaga's refrain in the background. ****  
** **

_"That boy is a monster... m-m-m-monster...."_

_"_ _There's screaming in the dark - hear the beating of his heart," Starchild replied._ ****  
** **

_"That boy is a monster...!"_ _  
_

_"Can you feel it in the air - ghosts be hiding everywhere…"_ _  
_

_"That boy is a monster - he ate my heart...."_ _  
_

It was working - the different tone and style had made people sit up and pay attention. Starchild straightened his back and looked into the audience.  ****  
** **

" _I'm gonna be exactly what you want to see,_ " he sang, drawing the words out with his incredible voice, doing Michael Jackson justice.  " _Am I amusing you, or just confusing you?_ " He batted his heavily made up eyes at someone at the front. " _Am I the beast you visualized?_ " ****  
** **

_"That boy is a monster, m-m-m-monster,"_ Dani sang. ****  
** **

_"And if you want to see eccentricities I'll be grotesque before your eyes..."_ Starchild sang, opening his eyes widely and making a claw with his gloved hand. He began moving around the stage, putting a platform boot up on the speaker, posing, contorting his back and making scary faces that would make Lady Gaga proud. Then he moved to the center again, dropping his act and offering the audience an open look. ****  
** **

_"But if you came to see the truth, the purity, it's here inside a lonely heart..."_ He put his hand on his chest before raising it in the air in a fist. _"So let the performance start! Is that scary for you baby? (that boy is a monster!) Am I scary for you, oh! (A m-m-m-monster - he ate my heart!)"_ ****  
** **

The song continued, and he had everyone's attention now. ****  
** **

Sebastian’s eyes were transfixed on the stage. They were incredible together. He thought back to the day he’d met Dani last summer. She’d said back then that her voice was better suited to a Rockier vibe...he could now see why. ****  
** **

The chemistry between the two of them was electric, their voices mixed well together so that even though they were singing two songs...it sounded like one. ****  
** **

_"I am tired of being abused - you know you’re scaring me too...I see the evil is you!"_ ****  
** **

As the song came to a spectacular end, the whole room finally broke into applause. Kurt and Sebastian made as much noise as they could for the two on stage - causing a few looks of annoyance from the tables around them. They paid them no heed. ****  
** **

Starchild took off his top hat and took a theatrical bow. Dani joined him at the front and kissed his cheek. They exchanged a few words that no one but them could hear, and Kurt smiled. He remembered how supportive she‘d been to her friend on the phone when they met at the clinic. It was good to see them have a connection without any sexual tension or awkwardness. ****  
** **

"They are amazing," he said to Sebastian, though it was clear from his boyfriend‘s expression he already felt the same way.  ****  
** **

Dani made her way back to them with a wide grin on her face. ****  
** **

"Ells just needs to help the band build down the set and then he‘ll come to see us," she said. "What did you think of that last one? It was all his idea, I‘m just backup vocals." ****  
** **

"You were incredible!" Sebastian said honestly! "If forensics doesn’t work out you have a great future in singing!" ****  
** **

Dani beamed at him. "Thanks, but I think I’ll keep it as a hobby." ****  
** **

"We should all sing together some time," Kurt said. "We'd totally destroy the karaoke round at Pianos." He grinned at the thought. Starchild could probably sing _anything_. A few years ago, he might have felt threatened by his talent, but not anymore. He knew his own strengths and weaknesses and knew they could co-exist with others. ****  
** **

They ordered another round of drinks and waited for Dani's friend to join them. As he did, Kurt almost didn't recognise him. He'd changed his clothes and was wearing glasses, his hair combed back. Only a faint dark shadow around his eyes told of the stage make-up he had been wearing. A few stray specks of glitter still clung to his cheekbones.  ****  
** **

"Hey guys," he said shyly, his voice softer than Kurt had expected. "Thanks for the support just now." He held out his hand. "I'm Elliott." ****  
** **

Elliot was _not_ what Sebastian had expected at all. It was evident that he worked out and he dressed impeccably, but he was more _stylish_ now rather than ‘in your face’. On stage he was a star, confident and almost arrogant...but the man sat in front of them now was shy, quiet and a little unsure of himself. In a way, he reminded Sebastian of Kurt when they had first met. ****  
** **

"Sebastian," he said holding his hand out to shake Elliot’s. "Great set!" ****  
** **

Elliott smiled. "Thanks, man. We kinda sprang the last one on everyone, but I just didn't want them to nod off, you know?" ****  
** **

"It was brilliant," Kurt added, holding out his hand. "I'm-" ****  
** **

"Kurt Hummel," Elliott finished. "Star of NYADA and the One That Got Away from Spotlight..." He shook his hand and winked at Dani. "Dan's always telling me about you. She even showed me a few of the videos on your blog." ****  
** **

"Oh!" Kurt let out, "Oh, they're not _my_ videos! I mean, they are, but they're not on my blog. I don't have a blog. It's just NYADA people, I have nothing to do with that!" ****  
** **

"His _fans_ ," Dani added proudly. ****  
** **

"Well..." Kurt started to interject. ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled and wrapped his arm around Kurt. "Kurt still has trouble realising that other people know how amazing he is." ****  
** **

Dani grinned. "Ells is the same." ****  
** **

"Yes, well...the response I got here tonight would prove that I’m right," Elliott said. ****  
** **

"You were incredible!" Sebastian reassured him, these people just have no taste." ****  
** **

Elliott looked down on his drink. Kurt could tell he was pleased and embarrassed at the same time, and somehow felt an instant connection to him. ****  
** **

"I was just saying to these two that we could totally slay karaoke together," he said. ****  
** **

Elliott looked up at him. "You want to sing with me?" ****  
** **

Kurt smirked. "Only if you don‘t make me took _too_ bad..." he teased. "Your range is amazing." ****  
** **

"Madame Tibideaux wasn’t too impressed…" Elliott said shyly.  ****  
** **

"What? You auditioned for NYADA?" Kurt let out, going wide-eyed. ****  
** **

"Twice," Elliott replied, and shrugged. "I guess I just didn’t have what it takes…" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "That’s insane! You are _way_ better than half my class - and I had to audition twice too, by the way." ****  
** **

"You did?" Elliott asked, looking equally surprised. ****  
** **

Dani looked at Sebastian. "Aren‘t they adorable?" ****  
** **

Sebastian watched Kurt and Elliot and noticed the visible heart eyes that Elliot had for his boyfriend. He didn’t feel threatened. He knew Kurt loved him (after their talk the previous week Kurt had been making more of an effort to say it), but he couldn’t help the slight feeling of jealousy. ****  
** **

"Yeah," Sebastian said in response to Dani. Then he shook himself. "He’s right Elliot, your range _is_ amazing...if you ever feel like playing to a more accepting audience, we know the perfect place." ****  
** **

"You do?" Elliott asked, still surprised and starstruck. ****  
** **

Kurt looked at Sebastian and knew what he was thinking. "We do," he confirmed. "Think Spotlight...but at nighttime...and more gay." He winked. ****  
** **

Dani chewed her lip. "Would I be able to get in?" ****  
** **

"Of course! Everyone can come in - well, except from _Blaine_ as he‘s gotten himself banned for life-" Kurt explained, rolling his eyes a little at the thought of his ex. "But generally speaking...sure. Not many women do, though." ****  
** **

Dani shrugged, "I can live with that." She grinned at them. ****  
** **

"Sounds like a great place...how did you find out about it?" Elliot said. ****  
** **

"We work there," Sebastian said, smiling at him. ****  
** **

" _That’s_ why you left Spotlight? To go work in a gay bar?" Dani asked her eyes raised. "Damn boy, now I’m jealous!" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "No, I left because Gunther is an asshole, and you can quote me on that," he said. He looked at Elliott to explain. "One of my regular customers had died and I asked for the morning off to attend her funeral. My boss said no." ****  
** **

Elliott frowned. "That‘s awful." ****  
** **

Dani nodded. "It was. Gunther told everyone he had fired you for calling in sick too often, but I defended you." ****  
** **

"Thanks." Kurt swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat at the mention of his sick days- which hadn‘t been sick days at all. ****  
** **

Sebastian tightened his grip around Kurt. "Our boss at Satire is amazing though, much better than Gunther. He actually _cares_ about his staff...he’s super flexible without hours. If we have loads of school work or finals he’ll relax and reduce our hours, but if we have a week where we need the money, he’ll move things around and give us the hours we need." ****  
** **

"He sounds great..." Dani said thoughtfully. She hated her job. "I bet you don’t have to wear short skirts as a uniform either." She winked. ****  
** **

"We do not," Kurt confirmed, grinning. The feeling had passed. Sebastian‘s presence had pulled him back to the present. ****  
** **

"Any chance your boss is hiring?" Dani asked. ****  
** **

Kurt looked at Sebastian. "We can always ask. Maybe you should come and check it out." ****  
** **

Dani grinned at Elliott. "We definitely will, right?" ****  
** **

"Yes!" Elliott added, looking eager. ****  
** **

One of the bar‘s servers came to their table and placed a bottle of Bionade on a napkin, sliding it towards Elliott. ****  
** **

"Uh, I’m sorry, I didn‘t order this..." he started, and the server smiled.  ****  
** **

"Compliments of table five," he said mysteriously, and nodded towards the back before leaving. ****  
** **

Elliott picked up the bottle and saw that the napkin had a few words and a phone number scribbled on it. He glanced at the table in the back.  ****  
** **

A group of students sat talking, paying the rest of the bar no attention. Except for a young man with shoulder length black hair and a plaid jacket over a black band shirt. He was looking their way, and as he caught Elliott‘s eye, raised his own bottle in a toast. ****  
** **

"What does it say?" Kurt asked, unable to keep his curiosity to himself any longer.  ****  
** **

Dani swiped the napkin away from her friend and read it. "It says _you ate my heart._ "  ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. Clearly not their _entire_ audience had been indifferent to Starchild‘s performance. ****  
** **

Elliot smiled at the guy and held up the bottle in thanks before turning back around. He looked at the bottle dubiously. ****  
** **

"What the hell is Bionade?" ****  
** **

"Some kind of naturally processed soda. Our friend Alice drinks it all the time." Sebastian said smirking. "You should try it," he added innocently. ****  
** **

Elliot out the straw in his mouth and took a sip, gagging almost instantly. "That’s disgusting," he moaned putting the drink back down and sliding it away from himself. "Who would willingly drink that?" ****  
** **

Sebastian and Kurt laughed.  ****  
** **

"Let me try it," Dani said picking up the bottle. She sniffed it a little before taking a sip. "Ugh, it tastes like piss." ****  
** **

Kurt scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, piss from someone who‘s been eating nothing but bubble gum all their lives. The amount of sugar in that stuff is insane." ****  
** **

"So much for that, then," Elliott mused, using the napkin to wipe a few drops of the spilled lemonade off the table, crumpling it up afterwards. He sighed dramatically. "I‘d rather be single than be with someone with no taste..." ****  
** **

Dani patted his arm. "Your time will come, and so will you," she said sagely. ****  
** **

Elliot shrugged. "It’s okay," he said, in the way people did when things weren’t really _that_ okay. He paused. "I’m quite happy on my own." ****  
** **

"I know, babe," Dani said, stroking his arm. "But we do need to get you laid, you’re far too uptight." She winked at him.  ****  
** **

"You know that’s not my thing...I can’t just do random hookups." ****  
** **

Kurt listened quietly and somehow felt even more sympathetic towards Elliott than he already had. There was a story there; one that might be shared in due time. ****  
** **

"Well, I happen to know Sebastian is an excellent wingman," he offered, smiling to show that no one thought any less of Elliott for not jumping on the first chance to hook up. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned at his boyfriend, remembering the time he’d played "wingman" for Kurt. ****  
** **

"Oh I am, and I have _excellent_ contacts." Sebastian winked. "I can lend you my little black book. I don’t need it anymore…" He looked at Kurt and smiled brightly. ****  
** **

"No, you don’t," Kurt agreed, then looked back at their friends. "I got it covered." ****  
** **

Dani snorted. "I bet," she added. ****  
** **

Elliot smiled at Kurt and Sebastian. They made a good couple. "We’ll see," he said.  "Maybe we’ll just stick to coming to your club for now...I’m in no rush to jump back into the game." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "No pressure. We’re only joking, man." ****  
** **

“Yeah, I know all about taking your time before jumping back in,” Kurt said. When Elliot looked at him, Kurt explained. “My ex was...it didn’t end well. And it took me a long time to open up to someone again. Bas was _very_ patient. He still is.” ****  
** **

“You’re worth the wait, baby,” Sebastian said quietly. Kurt smiled. ****  
** **

“What I’m saying,” Kurt continued, “is that there isn’t a time limit, okay?” ****  
** **

Elliot smiled at him and nodded. “Thanks.” ****  
** **

“No problem.” Kurt smiled. “Now, how about we finish these drinks -except the Bionade, of course- and ditch this place for somewhere more accepting?” He held up his drink. “After your performance I wanna get my Gaga on!” ****  
** **

“I’ll drink to that,” Dani said chinking her glass against Kurt’s.


	8. Sexy Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all Kurt could do to remember their rules - to always hit the panic button before anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain descriptions of violence and attempted sexual abuse. If you’d rather have a summary of this chapter for the plot, please scroll down and leave a comment, or contact us on tumblr!
> 
> Music for this chapter: Justin Timberlake, Sexy Back - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gOHvDP_vCs

 

"It’s amazing that no matter how many times we lug crates of alcopops or beer bottles, they’re always fucking heavy," Sebastian grumbled as he heaved the stack of crates up on to the bar. It was Friday night and he, Kurt, Marc and Danny were setting up the bar for their shift. Joe sat on a stool at the end of the bar going over the shift plans for the next few weeks.

Joe shook his head. "Just be thankful that you don’t have to lug barrels around," he said from behind the bar. "I worked in an old Irish pub back in college and let me tell you…carrying a few crates is nothing!"

"Just consider it getting paid for working out," Kurt joked. "Other people pay the gym for that." He was quite pleased it wasn't his turn. He was setting up barstools and admiring the view of his sexy boyfriend in his shirt and tie, biceps bulging.

"Yeah, I should reduce your pay for this!" Joe chimed in, chuckling. Kurt grinned at the look Sebastian shot him.

They were performing again tonight, and he was already looking forward to it. It was about as risqué as they could get without crossing the line to obscene, and it played with a few ideas that, the more he thought about them, Kurt had definitely warmed up to. Maybe, tonight after work, he'd discuss it with Sebastian…

"You’d never dock our pay, Joe." Sebastian said cockily. "You can’t risk us leaving. We make you too much money."

Joe grumbled. Sebastian was right. The club’s accountants had never been happier with him since the boys had started their monthly performances. Word had started to spread around and crowds were often queuing around the block. The thought of that reminded him of something.

“Hey boys, could I talk to you two for a moment? It’s about the benefit. Marc said he already told you a bit about it?”

“Yes. Of course,” Kurt agreed. Sebastian nodded and put the crate he was carrying down to join Kurt and Joe at the bar.

“So, ” Joe started, “I want to host a benefit night at the club on December first. The proceeds of the night will go to ACRIA, and I’ll be inviting a few volunteers to come and talk about the organisation and what they do. I’m negotiating with a health care provider to have someone come and talk about PrEp and the assistance program for people who can’t afford prescriptions-” He held up his hand to stop himself.

“But that’s on _my_ plate. What I wanted to ask _you_ boys, is if you would like to be in charge of the night’s entertainment. Your routines already bring in a lot of extra guests, but I was thinking that maybe, just for the night, we put up a stage and host a few musicians, I don’t know…Kurt, maybe you know anyone at your school who’d be interested? I’ll pay them, of course - I just don’t really know where to start.”

Kurt beamed at him. “Joe, that sounds amazing! And _yes!_ I definitely want to do this!”

“Have you asked Jesse yet?” Sebastian asked. Their DJ might have a few suggestions too.

“Ah,” Joe let out, frowning. “He’s...He already let me know he’d rather not work that night, but he said he’d help us put a crew together for the technical side.”

Kurt pressed his lips together and nodded. It sounded like Joe wasn’t willing to volunteer any more information about Jesse’s reasons behind refusing the gig, and that was his right.

“Well, I already know someone who’d be perfect!” he said eagerly, and he looked at Sebastian. “Starchild!”

“ _Starchild_ …?” Joe repeated sceptically. “I do need all performers to be at least 18…”

Kurt laughed. “Oh, he’s not actually a child,” he replied. “It’s just his stage name. He’s amazing. And I think I have a band, too.” He thought about the guys who’d helped him write the score for his original song for NYADA. His mind was already spinning. Maybe Mercedes would have time to come over and sing with him, too.

Sebastian was watching his boyfriend with an amused smile. “I think you asked the right one, Joe,” he said proudly. “Kurt is already in his element.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me,” Joe said.

“This place - and you - mean a lot to us too, Joe,” Sebastian said, clapping his shoulder.

Joe shook his head a little but smiled, clearly too moved to comment. “Alright, back to work,” he mumbled, picking up his shift plans, and walking to his office.

-

The bar opened just after eleven and as predicted, the place was swamped within half an hour.

Sebastian placed a tray of shots on the bar and winked at his customer. "That’s $15." The man handed him a $20 bill and told him to keep the change.

"I’ve never seen this place so busy," Sebastian shouted to Marc over the noise. They were at maximum capacity already and there was still a queue halfway round the block.

"It’s all for you and Kurt," Marc shouted back with a smile. "You guys really did good."

"Yeah," Sebastian said looking at the large crowd a little nervously. He hadn’t sung for such a large crowd since Regionals.

"You'll be fine," Marc reassured him. "Kurt doesn’t look worried."

Sebastian looked over at his boyfriend and saw him leaning casually against the bar, throwing a shaker in the air as he talked to a tall dark skinned guy. A blonde guy with long floppy hair stood next to him. Sebastian recognised Sam and Georgio. He nodded at Sam when he looked his way.

Seeing Kurt so relaxed made Sebastian feel better. He smiled at Marc and moved to greet another customer.

Kurt couldn't be happier. The patrons were in a good mood, and like each time on their special Fridays, there was a sense of anticipation in the air. People were willing to spend money and get warmed up on drinks, and he couldn't complain about lack of attention either.

Georgio and Sam had just finished telling him about their mini break after final exams. Kurt was happy for them. They seemed to be hitting it off. Kurt had told them about their Canada road trip in return, triggering a whole range of Canadian accent impressions by Sam.

He eyed the clock eagerly. Just under an hour before he got to climb up on the bar again. Kurt would freely admit to anyone who asked that he'd gotten a little addicted to it. The heightened sexual tension, knowing just about all the eyes on him were undressing him, and being with Sebastian, playing their little game of 'who can make the other come in their pants before the shift ends’. God, he loved it.

He didn't intend to lose tonight, either.

By the time their performance slot came round and Marc clocked off to take his break, the bar was packed tighter than it had ever been. People could hardly move, and as the lights flickered, the whole place felt like it was vibrating. Under the cover of darkness Sebastian and Kurt shared a quick kiss and then moved into their respective positions at either end of the bar.

The music started and the whole place erupted as the familiar song blared out through the speakers. Sebastian and Kurt climbed up on to the bar and began strutting down the bar towards each other.

 _"I'm bringin' sexy back, yeah!"_ Kurt ran his hand down his chest and thrust his hips. _"Them other boys don't know how to act - yeah..."_ He pointed at the crowd below him as he sung and they all cheered. He turned to look at Sebastian who was shaking his head as if what Kurt was saying was laughable.

 _"I think it's special, what's behind your back - yeah,"_ He sung to Sebastian stalking towards him. " _So turn around and I'll pick up the slack..."_ He raised his eyebrows at Sebastian in challenge.

Sebastian pivoted, landing with his back to Kurt and his legs spread as far as the bar would allow, and he bent over swiftly, their hips almost - but not quite - touching. " _Dirty babe_ ," he sang as he arched up again slowly, running his hands up on the inside of his thighs, " _you see these shackles baby-"_ his hands snaked up his chest, wrapping his tie around his wrist, " _I'm your slave..._ "

He pulled it taut, letting his head snap to the side as if an invisible hand had pulled his leash.

Kurt's hand came up to cover his wrist and Sebastian spun into him, making it look like Kurt had yanked the tie to make Sebastian face him.

Sebastian gave him a wide-eyed look of mock surprise before closing his eyes and licking his lips, following the implied lead of Kurt’s hand on his tie and dropping down slowly to his knees in front of his boyfriend.

" _I'll let you whip me if I misbehave..._ " Sebastian sang into the headset, giving Kurt his most sultry look. He undulated his hips.

Kurt let go of the tie and ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of Sebastian’s neck, a small, seductive smile on his lips.

Sebastian dramatically dropped his head back to the beat with a look of pained ecstasy as if Kurt had pulled his hair.

" _It's just that no one makes me feel this way..._ " Sebastian gave Kurt the hungriest heart eyes he could muster as Kurt let go the grip of his hair to softly caress Sebastian's cheek. Sebastian nuzzled his face into Kurt's palm like a needy pet.

It was illusion at its finest and choreographed to a T. Sebastian lead each movement so there was never really any force. The crowd was lapping it up, shouting and reaching for them.

Kurt used the hand Sebastian was nuzzling to place under his chin as Sebastian stood up, making it look like he was forcing Sebastian to rise. He pulled off Sebastian’s tie and wrapped it around his hand, holding his gaze for a moment before turning his eyes on the crowd.

He picked up a bottle from behind the counter and walked down the bar, twirling the bottle around his wrist and scanning the crowd as if looking for a special someone. The whole front row was clamoring to be special.

" _Come here boy_ -” he sang, his eyes glittering as he fixed them on Giorgio, knowing he’d be in for a game. " _Come to the back...VIP...drinks on me._ " He knelt in front of Georgio and held up the bottle. Georgio grinned and raised his glass.

Then, Kurt held up a slim finger, shook his head, and poured a shot from the prepared bottle into his own mouth. It was unsweetened apple juice, but since he wasn't sharing, no one would know. He blew Georgio a kiss and got up again.

He straightened his back and crooked his finger at Sebastian, beckoning him closer, letting his tie swing from his hand.

Sebastian's look sent shivers down Kurt's spine. He filed that back for later, not allowing himself to become distracted now.

Sebastian slid towards Kurt as if he was being drawn in by an invisible lasso. He arched his torso back with his hips forwards so it looked like he was resisting. Some members of the audience were trying to grab hold of him, maybe to playfully hold him back from Kurt.

It was becoming more and more difficult to not step on anyone.

He shook them off and focused on the song and performance. They’d been rehearsing for ages and Sebastian did not want to mess this up.

" _Dirty babe...You see these shackles, baby, I'm your slave..._ " he sang again.

Kurt ran his tie around behind Sebastian’s neck to reel him in and Sebastian rolled his hips forward.

" _I'll let you whip me if I misbehave..._ "

Kurt pulled the tie free and and let it snap against Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian accentuated the impact with an inward jerk of his ribcage and a wince on his face, pretending the soft silk was the kiss of a whip.

" _It's just that no one makes me feel this way..._ " Sebastian stepped back and ran his hand down his chest, undoing the buttons of his shirt as he started to sink to his knees in front of Kurt.

He didn’t see it coming.

Hands grabbed him again, pulling hard, and Sebastian felt himself topple over. He could do nothing to stop it.

“Ahh!” he yelled out loud, reaching for Kurt.

A group of men that Sebastian didn’t recognise pulled him into their midst, closing the circle around him fast, their hands groping and touching him wherever they could. Sebastian tried to push them off, all thoughts of the song gone from his mind as panic started to set in.

"Bas!" Kurt shouted, trying to catch him, but failing. He had to stand by and watch how too many hands pulled Sebastian down from the bar, tore at his hair, ripped off his headset, yanked his shirt open and pawed all over his naked chest. They pried at his skinny jeans. Then the crowd swallowed him up, and Kurt couldn’t see him anymore.

"SEBASTIAN!"

Someone kicked Sebastian in the back of his legs, and his knees buckled, sending him crashing to the floor. A man grabbed a fistfull of his hair and yanked his head back, causing him to cry out in pain. It was _nothing_ like their choreography.

"Don’t pretend you don’t like it like this," the man hissed into Sebastian’s ear, flecks of spittle hitting Sebastian’s cheek.

Sebastian tried to get up, but a heavy boot landed in his stomach and he doubled over as the wind was knocked from his lungs. He caught himself with his hands so his face didn’t hit the floor. The boot descended again, this time to twist its heel onto Sebastian’s hand, crushing his fingers.

Sebastian screamed. As soon as he opened his mouth, the sound was muffled by a large hand, pushing a meaty thumb passed his lips and holding his jaw open. The hand in his hair was steering him towards someone’s crotch. They were unzipping.

Panic coursed through Sebastian and suddenly, it was like he was seeing double. At a different time, in a different place, another hand forced his mouth open. Sebastian went wide-eyed, blinking rapidly to dispel the vision. He had to focus on the present. He knew what was coming. Ignoring the blinding pain in his hand, Sebastian bit down hard on the thumb in his mouth and made another effort to stand up, twisting his head free and swinging his uninjured hand towards his assaulter’s exposed groin.

A blow to the back of his head sent him sprawling forward, and his forehead hit the floor. Everything went black.

It was all Kurt could do to remember their rules - to always hit the panic button before anything else. He dropped himself flat on the bar, reached behind the counter and flipped the switch.

Bright emergency lamps went on over the bar, flooding the hall with light. The music broke off abruptly. From the corner of his eye, Kurt saw security come running from all sides. Joe and Marc came hurrying out from the office.

They were too slow.

Kurt scrambled to his knees and jumped off the bar, into the crowd. If hands brushed him too, he didn't notice. He was too intent on pushing and shoving his way forward to where he had seen Sebastian last, yelling at people to get out of his way and kicking and hitting them if they didn't.

"Sebastian! Sebastian!" Kurt shouted, starting to panic. Terry and Danny pushed through to him.

"What happened?" Terry shouted over the noise of the people.

"Some guys pulled Bas off the bar!" Kurt replied, his eyes still searching furiously. Then, a familiar face appeared, and Georgio burst through the crowd. Sam followed close behind.

"Over here!" Georgio yelled, and Kurt and the others quickly made their way to him. People moved out of the way for them, eying the angry-looking bouncers and a frantic Kurt warily.

Finally, the crowd dispersed enough for Kurt to see Sebastian lying on the ground. His face and right hand were bloody, and his jeans were torn at the belt loops from where his attackers had tried to get them off his body. He was unconscious.

They all moved as one, the bouncers carefully turning him around, checking his vital signs,  covering him up from prying eyes. Kurt struggled to get to him too, but Georgio and Sam held him back, saying something about letting them do their job.

Kurt didn't care about their job. He struggled like a wildcat, ready to fight both of his friends if it meant they'd let him go - but then Sebastian woke up. He sat up and blinked at the bright lights around him, looking disoriented. He was shying away from Terry and Danny’s touch.

In the back of his mind, Sebastian registered that they were friends and he was free, but the front of his brain was taking a while to catch up.

Georgio and Sam let go of Kurt so he could finally go to him.

Kurt knelt by his side and enclosed his boyfriend in his arms, not sure if he'd ever dare to let him go again.

Sebastian froze at the sudden touch. But then he caught a whiff of mint and ginger and relaxed instantly as he realised it was Kurt. He closed his eyes and breathed out in relief, sinking into the warm embrace.

"I’m fine," he whispered, hugging Kurt tightly. "I’m okay."

"I thought they'd tear you apart," Kurt whispered thickly, pressing his face against Sebastian's neck.

Then Marc appeared, crouching down next to the boys and placing a tentative hand on Sebastian’s forehead. Sebastian winced in pain.

“Can you get up?” Marc asked quietly.

Sebastian nodded slowly and moved a little. Kurt pulled away and stood up, ready to help Sebastian if he needed it. Sebastian took Kurt’s hand with his good one and slowly pulled himself to his feet.

He swayed a little and the room spun before his vision blacked out for a moment. “Woah,” he mumbled.

“Alright,” Marc said gently. His face was white. “Sit back down.” He grabbed a chair from a nearby table and then helped ease Sebastian down. He looked up and noticed Kurt’s friends.

“Can you get a bottle of water from behind the bar? And some ice in a towel?” he asked Sam. Sam nodded and disappeared.

In the background, Kurt could vaguely hear Joe and the bouncers ushering the crowd away from them, but all he cared about was Sebastian.

Kurt took in the sight of his boyfriend with dread. Sebastian’s hair stood out in all directions, and a large bruise was forming on his forehead. There was a small cut by his ear, probably where his headset had caught. His body was covered in long scratches. They ran up his sides and over his chest. The fingers of his right hand looked puffy and stiff, and dirt stuck to a bloody wound on his knuckles. The sight of it made Kurt feel sick to his stomach.

Sam returned with the water and handed it to Marc. Marc unscrewed the top and held the bottle up to Sebastian’s mouth.

“Slow sips,” he said softly. “I think you have a concussion.”

“I’m f-” Sebastian started to say before a wave of nausea hit him and he leant forward to throw up on the floor.

Kurt rubbed Sebastian’s back, looking at his boyfriend with worried eyes. Sebastian finished being sick and sat up again, leaning against Kurt with his eyes closed. Kurt took the ice from Sam and pressed the towel against the swelling on his head.

“No Seb, stay with me son, you can’t sleep,” Marc said.

“I’m not sleeping,” Sebastian said groggily.

“I need you to sit up and drink some water for me,” Marc urged. He sent Sam and Georgio off to get a mop and bucket.

Sebastian sighed and opened his eyes with difficulty.

“How is he?” Joe was back.

“He has a concussion and from the looks of it, he has broken his hand,” Marc said. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“I’ve cleared the bar and we’re closed for the night,” Joe said quietly. “I think the guys who did it ran off as soon as the alarm was raised. But we have CCTV and…If you're up to it at some point, maybe, we can go to the police and file charges. Get descriptions out. Terry said we have several eyewitnesses.”

Marc scowled but nodded. _Eyewitnesses. Why the fuck hadn’t they helped Sebastian then? They should all be arrested._ He took out his phone, his hands shaking with anger and adrenaline as he pressed his speed dial.

“Or not, it's up to you," Joe continued, giving Sebastian a worried look. "Either way, their profiles go up at the door and they're blacklisted for life."

Sebastian ignored them. He vaguely heard Marc talking to someone, but flashes of a distant memory were appearing in his vision again - another club, a run-down bathroom, hands on him that he couldn’t ward off. He shuddered and squashed the memory down, focusing instead on Kurt’s calm reassuring strokes on his back.

“The ambulance is on its way,” Marc said hanging up the phone. “And I’ve called Paul. He was already at home but he’ll come to meet us at the hospital.”

“He doesn’t need to come. I’m f-” Sebastian started to protest.

“Kid, if you say you’re fine _one_ more time,” Marc said shortly. He crouched down in front of Sebastian and gently stroked the hair back off his face. “Just let us take care of you, okay?”

Sebastian frowned and shook his head. “I can’t go to the hospital, I don’t have insurance,” he whispered.

“Don’t even _think_ about that!” Marc said firmly. “Okay?”

Sebastian shrugged but nodded, leaning further back into Kurt’s embrace.

Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair, untangling it as well as he could.

"At least now we can tell my dad the panic button works," he said, offering Sebastian a small smile.

Sebastian smiled weakly at him and closed his eyes at Kurt’s touch. His heart was racing and confusing images kept flashing in his mind. _Probably to do with the concussion_ , he mused. But they were unsettling. Instead, he tried to focus on the reassuring hold of Kurt’s arms and the soft caress of his hand in his hair as they waited for the ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The link for the charity that Joe mentions is here https://www.acria.org/   
> Their action programs mission is 'to pioneer the newest HIV prevention and health education, and get that information into the hands of the people who need it the most.' If we had a club in NYC and were organising such an event, this would be the organization we'd turn to ;)


	9. Damage Report

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the hospital, Paul and his team try to assess the severity of Sebastian’s injuries.

Paul stopped outside of Sebastian’s hospital room and rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling exhausted. He looked through the narrow window in the door at Sebastian’s sleeping frame. He had a temporary bandage wrapped around his hand. His face and arms were littered with scrapes and cuts. The deeper wounds had been treated with wound tape.

It had been a long day.

-

Paul had just walked through the door, in desperate need of his bed, when he’d gotten Marc’s call. It had taken a moment for him to take in what his husband was saying.

_There had been an attack at Satire. Sebastian was injured and an ambulance was on the way to take them to the hospital._

Paul had been out the door and back in his car in under three minutes.

He’d arrived at the hospital just before the ambulance and greeted a worried Marc and shell shocked Kurt from the back of the cab.

Sebastian had fallen unconscious again during the journey across town. Paul had not made any friends when he pulled rank on the paramedics before they had even transferred him to a stretcher, demanding to take him in and take his vitals again himself before calling in his team.

-

Shaking himself from his reverie, Paul opened the door and stepped into the room.

Kurt sat in a chair next to the bed, holding Sebastian's uninjured hand, his eyes fixed on Sebastian’s face. Marc sat in another chair. He, too, was staring at Sebastian as if he was scared to blink in case something happened.

At the sight of his husband, Marc stood up and walked over to him. "What did they say?" he asked urgently. Kurt rose from his seat as well, looking anxious.

Sebastian stirred and groaned a little at the noise and Paul nodded towards the door, leading them from the room.

"His CT confirms the concussion. No hematomas or oedema, but he’s going to have to stay in, for the rest of the night at least, maybe longer. They’ll wake him up every hour to check his brain activity," Paul said. “We may take him to get an MRI tomorrow to check for nerve damage, based on tonight’s findings.”

Kurt whimpered and Marc put his hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

"What about his hand?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

Paul sighed. "There’s definite damage,” he said. “The angle of his middle finger suggests the tendons are damaged. There could be fractures, but it‘s impossible to say anything about the severity of the injuries until the swelling goes down and a scan can be made. They cleaned the cuts, but if he needs surgery it has to wait until we can rule out internal haemorrhaging from the concussion. It‘s too dangerous to put him under right now. Maybe it can be done with local anaesthesia. I’ll look at the scans myself and make the call.”

Kurt shook his head. He couldn't listen. The only word that hit home was _dangerous._ He felt sick. All of this was _his_ fault. He had picked the song, suggested moves; he‘d _wanted_ to get the audience as excited as they had. He had never anticipated this could happen, not in the place where he felt so at home. If only they‘d tackled _him_ instead, it would have been justified.

"Kurt?" Paul squeezed his shoulder.

"What?" Kurt asked, snapping out of his thoughts.

"Marc asked if you want to stay in the hospital overnight." Paul exchanged a glance with his husband. "Personally I think you‘ll be of more use in the morning if you‘ve slept. I am going home too. I‘m on call, but I already had a 12-hour shift and the dogs need to be let out."

Kurt looked back at the door, feeling desperate. "I want to stay."

Marc and Paul looked at each other. "I’m gonna stay too," Marc said, glancing at Kurt.

Paul sighed and nodded, stepping forwards to kiss his husband. "I’ll be back at eight, call me if anything changes."

Marc nodded and squeezed Paul’s hand. "Love you."

"I love you too," Paul said, kissing Marc again and squeezing Kurt’s shoulder before walking away.

"He’ll be okay, Kurt," Marc said softly.

Kurt made a noncommittal gesture, something between a shrug and a nod. He had heard all the hospital platitudes before. If Sebastian was _okay,_  he wouldn't need to be kept overnight. A lot could happen in a few hours.

Marc nodded. He understood there was nothing he could say now that would relieve Kurt‘s fears. He opted for the next best. "Coffee?" he offered.

Kurt swallowed, clearing his throat. "Yes. Thank you." He didn‘t feel tired or thirsty, but it‘d give them something to do.

“Sure, why don’t you go back in there and I’ll be along in a minute.”

Kurt agreed and slipped back inside the room.

Marc watched Kurt’s retreating back and stayed there, staring transfixed at the door. He backed up against the opposite wall and rested his head back against the cool surface. His eyes slipped closed and he suppressed a sob.

He’d been in the office with Joe when the attack happened and hadn’t seen it. He’d never forget the feeling that had sunk in his gut when the red lights came on.

-

“So Kurt and Seb are in, and it sounded like Kurt already had a few ideas to get some of his friends involved... I think we should have a good show,” Joe said to Marc. “Do you think Paul might stand up and talk? I know he’s a pediatrician, but…”

“I can ask him. If he can’t make it personally then he’ll know someone who can.”

“Thanks. I just... I really want this to work you know? For Bennie…” Joe trailed off. He couldn’t believe it had been thirty years since he lost his baby brother.

“I know, Joe,” Marc said, sipping his drink. “With all the work you’re putting in, it’ll be-” he cut off abruptly. The light in the office had just gone out and a large red bulb had started flashing above the door.

Marc felt his stomach drop to his feet and his heart rise to his throat. He and Joe looked at each other through the darkness. There was only one reason that light would have come on… _Please, not Sebastian_ , he thought selfishly. _Or Kurt..._

They simultaneously jumped to their feet and hurried to the door. The club was in chaos. People were shouting, someone was running and over the sea of people, Marc saw Kurt leap from the bar into the crowd, calling Sebastian’s name.

His worst fear realised, Marc started pushing and dragging people out of his way until they parted to make a path. He finally made it through to the opening in the crowd and saw the security back away from Sebastian. His chest was exposed, he was covered in blood and was as white as a ghost.

-

Marc let out a shaky breath and composed himself. He straightened his back and headed towards the coffee machine.

-

Kurt sat down on the chair closest to Sebastian’s bed and took his boyfriend’s hand. Fresh tears welled up in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Bas,” he whispered into the darkness.  

He pressed his forehead against their joined hands on the bed, contemplation the night’s events. It didn’t seem real. _How had this happened?_

He couldn’t comprehend it. He had learned early on that people like him and Sebastian always had to be on their guard, even in New York. Yet he had always regarded Satire as a safe place. A haven for like-minded people to meet and have a good time. He hadn’t anticipated such violence among their own community.

Kurt shook his head. It was stupid. Naive. Going to a gay bar- or being gay, for that matter, didn’t automatically make someone a good person. He should not have let his guard down.

The door opened behind him, pulling him from his thoughts. He looked round expecting to see Marc with the coffees but instead saw a woman around the same age as Carole, walking towards him.

She had a warm, friendly face and greeted Kurt kindly. The nurse explained that she had to wake Sebastian now to check how lucid he was. "It may seem a little cruel to keep waking him like this when he wants to sleep, but it‘s really the only way to keep track of how his brain is coping," she said, looking apologetic. "Do you want to step out? It‘s not fun."

Kurt shook his head. "No, I want to stay. If...if I may."

The woman nodded. Then, she switched on a small pen light and shook Sebastian‘s shoulder lightly.

"Sebastian?" she said loudly. "Sebastian! Wake up, honey. Talk to me. Sebastian, do you know where you are?"

Sebastian felt like his head was underwater. He could hear someone saying something, but it was muffled. He tried to open his eyes but there was a bright light that burned into his brain.

" _No_ ," he mumbled, _"_ _l_ _et me sleep."_

"Sebastian, sweetheart, I’m sorry to wake you, but I need you to tell me where we are?"

He heard the voice a little clearer this time, but couldn’t bring himself to speak. Why wouldn’t they just let him sleep?

"Sebastian, do you know what year it is?"

 _What a stupid question,_ he thought. _It’s 2015_. He heard a faint chuckle and wondered if he’d said that out loud.

The nurse gave Kurt a bewildered look. Kurt realised she didn't speak French.

"He knows it's 2015," he quickly explained. "And he says he wants to sleep."

"The chart didn't say anything about him being a foreigner, I'm afraid I'm not-"

"I can help," Kurt offered. Finally, there was something useful he could do.

 _"Bas, can you hear me, baby? It's Kurt. I'm here_." He squeezed Sebastian's hand.

The sound calmed Sebastian instantly. He’d always know that voice.

 _"Kurt,"_ he whispered. _"I want to sleep."_

 _"I know. But we need you to talk for a bit - you hit your head. You're in the hospital. Do you understand?_ " Kurt looked at the nurse, who nodded and urged him to ask again. " _Bas, do you remember what happened?_ "

Sebastian frowned. He heard what Kurt was saying and knew he should understand, but the only thing he could focus on was the warm hand on his forehead and the soft pillow under his head.

"Bas?"

Sebastian heard Kurt say his name again but sleep’s call on him was too strong and he succumbed.

"It’s okay honey, we can try him again in an hour or so," the nurse said, placing a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

The door opened behind them and Marc walked in carrying two coffees.

"Is he okay?"

Kurt shook his head, clasping a hand over his mouth. Tears were welling up in his eyes again. It was _not_ okay. Sebastian didn’t even know where he was or what had happened. Kurt’s imagination was running wild. What if he didn’t remember anything? What if he didn’t remember _him?_

"Hey," the nurse said softly. "It's okay. We were able to wake him up, that's _good_ news. It's normal for him to want to sleep. His brain needs to recover from the impact. I know it's scary, but it's not permanent. I'll come back in a bit, and we'll try again. You'll help me, right? We're a team now. We're on team Sebastian, ok?"

Kurt nodded, squeezing his eyes closed. Tears ran down his cheeks. _Team Sebastian_.

Marc shot her a grateful look and took over, handing Kurt a coffee and putting an arm around him.

"He’ll pull through, Kurt," Marc said softly, trying to convince himself as much as Kurt. "He’s a tough kid."

He looked at Sebastian laying there in bed. He looked so young and fragile. Marc checked his watch. It was past three am. "You should try and get some sleep, Kurt," he said, rubbing Kurt’s shoulder. He knew it was futile, but he didn’t know what else to say. He knew that nothing in the world, aside from Sebastian making a full recovery, would comfort Kurt right now. Just as nothing else could comfort him.


	10. The Rise of Dawn or Damage Report 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Sebastian sleeps off his concussion, Kurt worries and can’t let go of the notion that everything is his fault.

Morning came, and Kurt was woken by Ludmilla, the nurse from the previous night. ****  
** **

"Kurt?" ****  
** **

She waited until he sat up in his chair, giving him time to realise where he was and that Sebastian was still there. ****  
** **

Kurt rubbed his eyes. His sleep had been just as interrupted as Sebastian‘s, as he too had needed to wake up every hour to help Ludmilla translate. ****  
** **

To his relief, Sebastian had started to sound better as the night wore on. He had opened his eyes and recognised Kurt. He had started to reply to their questions, and had even begun to show a mild irritation at the repetition. He was still preferring French, though he had thanked Ludmilla in English after she changed the height of his bed. ****  
** **

"Good morning," Kurt mumbled, rolling his shoulders to relieve the stiffness in his neck from sleeping on a chair. "Do we need to wake him again?" ****  
** **

Ludmilla shook her head. "I just wanted to say goodbye. My shift is over. I just transferred his care to my colleague, who will be here shortly. He‘s fully informed. The doctor will be in soon too." ****  
** **

Kurt took it all in. With the first shock faded, he was better able to concentrate. "Thank you so much," he said. ****  
** **

"You‘re welcome, honey. I wish you all the best." She looked at Sebastian with a soft smile. "Tell Seb and his dad hi from me, ok?" ****  
** **

Kurt looked at Marc, who was sleeping with his head pillowed on his arms at the foot of Sebastian‘s bed. ****  
** **

"Oh, he‘s not-" he started, then nodded. "I will." ****  
** **

She placed a hand on his back and left the room. ****  
** **

Marc heard the door close and stirred. He yawned heavily and sat up, stretching his back. He looked at Sebastian. In the light of day his injuries didn’t look quite as scary.  ****  
** **

Marc looked at Kurt and smiled sympathetically. "You alright?" ****  
** **

"Yeah," Kurt said, sitting up. "The nurse just ended her shift. She said someone else will take over for the day." ****  
** **

Marc nodded. "They work long hours here," he mused. "I should know." He sat up and checked his phone. ****  
** **

Kurt got up and felt Sebastian‘s forehead. His temperature was normal. The swelling from where he‘d hit his head had gone down a lot, though the colour now looked awful. ****  
** **

Anger and guilt rose up inside of him again. None of this would have happened if it wasn‘t for him. He wished there was a way to take it back, or take it onto himself. ****  
** **

Before he knew it, another tear rolled down his cheek. Kurt wiped at it angrily. ****  
** **

"Paul is on his way," Marc said, and looked up from his phone. "Are you sure you‘re ok?" ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "I choreographed the song, you know," he said. ****  
** **

Marc looked at Kurt and sighed. "Kurt," he started, "this is _not_ your fault!" He glanced at Sebastian. "Sebastian would never blame you and he’d hate to think that you’re blaming yourself." ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "You didn‘t see the show, Marc. I basically _invited_ them. I made him dance like that and then I failed to keep him safe." ****  
** **

It had been turning over and over in his mind. He‘d had at least 10 seconds before Sebastian fell. There were a million things he could have done in ten seconds. And he had just stood there. ****  
** **

Marc shook his head and stood up, walking around the bed slowly until he stood next to Kurt.  ****  
** **

"Listen to me," he said, placing his hand on Kurt’s shoulder, turning Kurt until he was looking at him. Kurt was the same height as he was, but somehow seemed so much smaller in that moment.  ****  
** **

"It is _not_ your fault. Dancing, no matter how provocatively, is just that. Dancing. No one ever gets a free pass just because someone dances or dresses a certain way. Those guys are _sick_ and evil...it’s all them!!" ****  
** **

"I know that," Kurt mumbled. "But if we _hadn‘t_ done it, maybe..." He shrugged. This hadn‘t been some unavoidable force of nature or an accident. They had provided an opportunity. ****  
** **

With his mom, and later his dad, he had felt completely powerless. This was somehow even worse. ****  
** **

Marc sighed, unsure of what else to say to Kurt to make him feel better. Instead he pulled Kurt into a hug and held him tight. ****  
** **

"Hey, hands off my man," Sebastian joked feebly, glancing up at them. His eyes were still half closed and his head hurt like hell, but he pulled up the corners of his mouth to show he was teasing. ****  
** **

"Bas!" Kurt let out, his heart leaping up in his throat. ****  
** **

Marc let him go with a grin. "You know he‘s safe from me, Seb. I like _older_ guys." He chuckled. "Good to see you awake." ****  
** **

Kurt leaned over and carefully kissed Sebastian‘s cheek. "Do you know where you are?" he asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes at the touch and let out a shaky breath. He surveyed the way his body felt, then opened his eyes again and looked around the room. "Hospital?" ****  
** **

"That’s right," Marc said placing his hand on Sebastian’s leg. "Do you remember what happened?" ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned and tried to search his brain for the memory but it felt foggy. "No...was...was I in an accident?" He looked at Kurt. He looked scared and tired, but uninjured. "You’re okay?" ****  
** **

"I‘m okay," Kurt assured him. "We were doing our new routine at Satire. You were...attacked and hit your head." ****  
** **

He had told Sebastian what happened every time he woke up during the night, and yet saying it didn‘t get easier. ****  
** **

"You have a concussion. The nurse says you‘ll probably be able to remember when your brain catches up, so to say." ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned and tried to remember. He lifted his right hand to his head but felt a pain shoot through his fingers and down his wrist. He looked down at his hand and saw it was heavily bandaged. There was blood under his fingernails. ****  
** **

"Wh-" ****  
** **

"The attackers stood on your hand," Marc said in a dark voice. "Paul said two of your fingers might be broken but they need to do more scans to determine the full damage." ****  
** **

"Oh..." Sebastian said quietly. Flashes appeared in his mind; a bathroom, someone strong-arming his hands behind his back. _But that’s not right_ , Sebastian corrected himself. Kurt had said they were doing their routine. _Why would he have been in the bathroom?_ ****  
** **

Kurt saw the confusion on his face, and mistook it for irritation about his hand. ****  
** **

"You were unconscious for a bit. Dealing with that had priority. Your fingers will be taken care of today, Paul said he’d look at the scans himself." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. He turned his head away and closed his eyes. Why couldn’t he remember? _Duh_ , a little voice said in his head. _You hit your head and were unconscious._ But if he had been unconscious, how come he could remember things Kurt hadn’t told him about? ****  
** **

"Maybe you should sleep again son," Marc said quietly. "Your brain needs time to heal." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and nodded, letting sleep claim him. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

There was a knock on the door, and after a brief pause, Paul came in. He was wearing a lab coat over a deep blue shirt, and Kurt couldn‘t help but notice it was an unusually subdued look for him. ****  
** **

"Morning." He walked up to Marc and kissed him softly. "Change of the guards. You can go home and rest if you want," he suggested. ****  
** **

Marc looked at Sebastian, feeling torn. He knew he really should go and sleep and shower...and eat. But he didn’t want to leave Sebastian. ****  
** **

"Honey, you need rest. You’re no good to him if you’re dead on your feet." ****  
** **

Marc sighed and nodded, giving in. "I know...Fine. But you call me the instant something happens." He looked at his husband fiercely. ****  
** **

"I promise," Paul said. Marc nodded and kissed him again before turning to Kurt. ****  
** **

"Kurt? You should head home too." ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed. "I can‘t. The nurses don‘t speak French." ****  
** **

Paul raised an eyebrow and gave him a stern look. ****  
** **

"What if he needs me?" Kurt added. ****  
** **

"Then I‘ll call you," Paul offered him a sympathetic look. "I‘d be the same if this was Marc. I was tempted to stay last night, too. But I‘ve seen first hand what can happen in my profession if we don‘t get enough sleep. And I’m taking no risks with him, okay?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded, feeling a little reassured. He knew Sebastian was in the best hands. ****  
** **

"I also happen to speak French," Paul added nonchalantly. "Maybe not as fluent as you guys...but enough to tell him you‘re on your way. Deal?" ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt whispered, suddenly feeling extremely tired. ****  
** **

Marc looked at Kurt sympathetically. He didn’t like the idea of Kurt going home alone. "Why don’t you come home with me? You can have a shower and get some sleep and then we can both come back in a couple of hours?" He glanced at Paul. ****  
** **

Paul nodded. "Poppy and Lola had their walk and their second breakfast," he said, rubbing his hands with disinfectant, his eyes already on Sebastian. "Don‘t let them trick you into giving them a third." ****  
** **

Marc smiled. "I won‘t," he said, knowing they‘d probably try. ****  
** **

Kurt picked up his jacket and gave Sebastian a last, longing look. ****  
** **

Sebastian stirred from his sleep at the sound of voices. He looked around the room and let out a groan. "Kurt?" he mumbled. ****  
** **

Immediately, Kurt dropped his jacket and went to his bedside, taking his uninjured hand. ****  
** **

"I‘m here, Bas." ****  
** **

Sebastian relaxed at the sound of Kurt’s voice and sought him out with his eyes. He tried sitting up but the pain in his head held him down. ****  
** **

"Wh-what happened?" ****  
** **

"You were attacked at work and hit your head. You have a concussion," Kurt said patiently. ****  
** **

"Do you know what year it is, Seb?" Paul asked, using a pen light to shine into his eyes one by one, checking the dilation of his pupils and his reflexes. ****  
** **

Sebastian squinted against the harsh light and frowned, trying to move away. "2015," he said. ****  
** **

"That’s great," Paul said, holding Sebastian’s chin in his hand and shining the light into his eyes until he was satisfied. He lowered his torch. "Okay, I’m gonna tell you three words and I need you to remember them, okay?" ****  
** **

Sebastian raised his eyebrows but nodded. ****  
** **

"Okay. Boat. Tree. Cat." Paul turned back to Marc and Kurt. "We need to test his information retention...as sleep seems to be wiping his memory." ****  
** **

They both nodded. Paul examined the bandage around Sebastian’s hand. It was time to get  it x-rayed. ****  
** **

"Okay Sebastian, can you repeat the three words for me?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at him and sighed, thinking back to what Paul had said. He didn’t like being treated like he was five years old, but there was probably a point to it all. His brain felt so foggy. ****  
** **

"Boat," he said after a minute. "Tree…" He looked at Kurt. "Cat?" ****  
** **

Paul smiled at him. "That’s really great Seb, well done." ****  
** **

"My hand hurts," he said quietly. ****  
** **

"You may have fractured your fingers. We're going to take you up for x-rays soon." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed. "Can I have some water?" ****  
** **

Kurt handed him a glass and looked at Marc apologetically. "Say hi to Poppy and Lola for us," he offered. Now that Sebastian was awake, he wasn‘t going anywhere. ****  
** **

Marc shook his head a little, but assured him that he would. "I‘ll see you guys in a few hours." ****  
** **

Once Marc had left it wasn’t long until Sebastian was whisked away for his x-ray. Kurt used the time that he was gone to call his parents. He didn’t tell them too much for now - just that there’d been an incident at work and that Sebastian was in the hospital. They had immediately offered to fly over, but Kurt had assured them that it was going to be okay and that there was nothing they could do. Just being able to tell someone had already helped him a little. After that, he called Isabelle and took a week off, telling her he’d be in touch once he knew more. He also called Joe to give him an update. Both his employers ensured him he could take as much time off as he needed. Joe also reminded him that as an employee, Sebastian was insured through Satire. That also took a load off Kurt’s mind.  ****  
** **

Then, a nurse brought Sebastian back into the room. He’d been awake for a while now and his head, while still painful, was clearing up a little and he didn’t feel quite so tired.He had just settled back into his bed when Paul walked into the room carrying an iPad. ****  
** **

"Hey guys," he said smiling at them. "How are you feeling?" ****  
** **

"Sore...but okay. I don’t feel as lethargic now." ****  
** **

"That’s good news," Paul said, sounding relieved. "I have your x-rays here." ****  
** **

He held up the tablet and showed them both the images. ****  
** **

"You have what’s called a boutonnière deformity in your right index finger," he said gently, pointing to the joint between the base and middle part of his finger. "This is why you can’t straighten the finger out. The middle finger is slightly fractured." ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed and nodded. He was very touched that Paul was taking the time to talk him through everything. Paul was the head of Paediatrics so normally wouldn’t get involved with cases like his. ****  
** **

"Will I need surgery?" Sebastian asked. ****  
** **

Paul smiled and shook his head. "No, we can splint the fingers together. You’ll need to keep the splint on for four weeks and then come back for another x-ray to check how it’s healed. Then, physical therapy. After that, you should be able to regain full use of your fingers." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and nodded. Four weeks without the use of his dominant hand. That was gonna suck. ****  
** **

"That's...quite good, I guess," Kurt suggested. "It looked much worse." He offered Sebastian a tentative smile before turning back to Paul. "What about his concussion?" ****  
** **

"Well, the MRI showed no neck injuries; there's no sign of skull fractures, his pupils are responsive, and my report says he hasn't vomited again in the last 8 hours-" ****  
** **

"Well, he hasn't eaten anything either," Kurt cut in. ****  
** **

"Yes, um - that _could_ be the cause of that," Paul agreed. "We should get you something to eat from the cafeteria. You'll hate it, but there's no better alternative in a five mile radius, trust me, I tried everything." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled bravely. He knew Paul was trying to cheer him up a little, but he was still concerned about his hand, and the strange visions he kept having. ****  
** **

"So...how long will he have to stay here?" Kurt asked. ****  
** **

Paul contemplated the question for a moment. He looked at Sebastian. "If you feel up to having the splints done today, and you remain symptom-free for the next-" He checked his watch. "Twelve hours, I'd say, I can have you discharged in the morning." He paused. "But I'm not letting you go home." ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned. "Wh-" ****  
** **

"You’re coming home with Marc and I. Kurt, you are welcome to come too, of course," Paul added, looking at him. ****  
** **

"I..." Sebastian started to say but the look Paul gave him was enough to shut him up. ****  
** **

"Sebastian, you have had a blunt trauma to your head and will have limited use of your hands. This is not up for negotiation, you understand?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked up at Paul with wide eyes and swallowed. It had been years since an adult had shown this much care. He nodded and reached for Kurt’s hand. ****  
** **

"Thanks, Paul," Kurt said. He had been up for a while that night googling medical information, and while almost every website said something else, they did seem to agree that secondary symptoms could still occur hours or days later, and he‘d feel a lot safer if Sebastian wasn‘t alone. ****  
** **

Paul looked at the two of them, pursing his lips in thought. "I talked it over with my team. As soon as you‘re discharged I am taking personal leave to keep an eye on you at home. Marc‘s been bugging me to take some time off anyway." ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded. "Thanks." ****  
** **

Paul’s pager beeped and he checked it. "I’ve gotta go, I’ll have Dr Slater come up this afternoon and take you to get your hand splinted okay? Rest up." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded again and Paul left. ****  
** **

"So...sleepover at Marc and Paul’s?" he said to Kurt, making an attempt at a joke. ****  
** **

"Sounds great!" Kurt replied, repressing the urge to apologise again. He'd done that enough in the night, and this wasn't about him. It was about Sebastian. ****  
** **

On the small bedside table, Sebastian's phone buzzed. It took Kurt a moment to realise it meant someone outside of the hospital was trying to reach them. Within a few hours, his world had shrunk to these four walls. He looked at the screen. "It's Alice," he said. He suddenly remembered they were supposed to meet up at the museum for modern arts. "I'll talk to her." ****  
** **

He unlocked Sebastian's phone and walked to the window. ****  
** **

"Hey, Alice, it's me, Kurt. No, I'm...in the hospital. It's Sebastian." Kurt explained the situation in the briefest terms, leaving out everything about the nature of the attack. He focused on telling her Sebastian was already doing better and that he didn't need surgery. He could hear she had put him on speaker for the others. ****  
** **

"Can we come to see him?" Steph asked. ****  
** **

Kurt hesitated. "I don't know. There's no one I can ask right now, and Bas is still very tired." He suppressed a large yawn of his own. "But if everything goes well today, he can go home tomorrow. We’ve been invited to stay at Marc and Paul's while he recovers. Maybe-" He yawned again, "it'd be better if you come when we're there." ****  
** **

They exchanged a few more words of sympathy, and Kurt hung up. He turned back to Sebastian. ****  
** **

"Alice said they'll get you a photo book of the collection," he said, offering him a smile. It was the last weekend of the exhibition they'd wanted to go see, and it seemed unlikely that Sebastian was up for it within the next 36 hours. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded. He was disappointed he couldn’t see it, but it was a touring exhibition and if it was popular this time round, it might come back. ****  
** **

"Thanks for talking to them," Sebastian said quietly. "Are you okay?" ****  
** **

Kurt looked exhausted. ****  
** **

"Sure," Kurt said, shrugging a little. "I could use another coffee, but I ran out of coins somewhere last night. They should think about offering a caffeine flatrate." ****  
** **

Sebastian stroked Kurt’s arm, guilt settling inside him. "Thank you for staying with me," he said quietly. "I love you so much...but you can go home and sleep if you want to. You _should_ go home and sleep. You must be exhausted." ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip. "I thought I could have a short nap here when the doctor comes to splint your fingers. Or when Marc comes back." He stretched his back. "I’m used to it. I didn’t get that much _more_ sleep last year when I was juggling work and school." ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at Kurt sympathetically. Then he had an idea. "If were staying with Marc and Paul, we’re going to need some clothes and stuff...I would help but can’t. Maybe, you could go home and pack us a bag? And then...get some sleep while you’re there? Please baby, I don’t want you to make yourself ill. You need sleep, and these hospital chairs will do your back no favours." ****  
** **

"I can wait till Marc gets back. I don‘t want to leave you here by yourself," Kurt said softly. "Last night...I was terrified I was never going to see you again. I need some more time to assure myself we‘ll be okay." ****  
** **

"Kurt," Sebastian said brokenly, shuffling to the right a bit. He patted the space on the bed next to him. ****  
** **

Kurt hesitantly sat on the bed next to him and Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt, careful to not jostle his bad side. As Kurt laid his head against his chest, Sebastian kissed his forehead. ****  
** **

"I’m okay baby, I’m gonna be fine. I’m a bit banged up, but I’ll heal." ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt mumbled. Feeling Sebastian next to him was enough to make Kurt relax properly for the first time since the attack. As Sebastian whispered quietly into his hair, Kurt felt the clutches of sleep curl around him, and, with the reassuring sound of his boyfriends heartbeat under his ear, he finally succumbed. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

A while later, a young doctor pushing a wheelchair came in and found the both of them asleep on Sebastian‘s bed. ****  
** **

"Mr Smythe?" he said quietly, putting his hand on Sebastian‘s legs to shake him a little. ****  
** **

Sebastian jumped a little at the unfamiliar voice and it took him a minute to get his bearings. ****  
** **

His eyes settled on the doctor’s lab coat and it clicked. ****  
** **

"I’m sorry to wake you Mr Smythe, but it’s time to take you to have your hand splinted."   ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. ****  
** **

"I don’t want to wake my boyfriend," he said quietly. "He’s been awake since yesterday morning." ****  
** **

The doctor nodded sympathetically and helped gently lift Kurt so that Sebastian could extract himself. Once his arm was free, he sat up slowly, and with the doctor’s help lowered himself into the wheelchair. ****  
** **

The movement made his head spin and he dug the heel of his left hand into his forehead. ****  
** **

"Easy," the doctor said kindly, taking his hand away from the bruise on his head and handing Sebastian a cup of water from the table. "Slow sips." ****  
** **

Sebastian sipped the water and allowed his body to get used to the new position before handing the cup back to the doctor and nodding. ****  
** **

“Okay. Let’s do this,” he said, hoping it sounded braver than he felt.


	11. Homeward Bound (I wish I was)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is discharged after spending one more night in hospital, but his healing process is only just beginning.

Kurt stirred, frowning in his sleep. "Bas?" he mumbled, his hand brushing the sheets, feeling around blindly. As he found nothing, Kurt tore open his eyes and sat up. The bed was empty. "Bas!" he called out, panic rising in his throat.

"I'm right here babe," Sebastian said, rolling closer to Kurt. He sat in a wheelchair, a hospital blanket draped over his legs.

Kurt took a few steadying breaths, taking everything in. "I'm sorry," he said, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm awake now. How's your hand?"

Sebastian held up his splinted fingers. "Stuck in a permanent F.U."

Kurt smirked. "Practical. Alex will be jealous."

Sebastian grinned and laughed a little.

There was a knock on the door, and after a few moments, Marc came in. He was carrying a small bouquet of yellow roses.

"Hey," he greeted them. "I talked to Paul on the way in, he said you don't need surgery. That's great news!"

Sebastian smiled at him and nodded. "Yeah, they just cleaned it a bit and put this on it." He held his hand up to show to off the splint.

"I'm so relieved," Marc said honestly. "He also said you can come home tomorrow. I'll get your room all set up for you tonight, make it nice and comfy."

He handed Sebastian the flowers.

"Thank you," Sebastian said quietly. "For everything."

Kurt smiled. It was good to know that Marc and Paul weren't just fair weather dads who could throw lavish parties and give expensive gifts - they were really coming through for Sebastian now.

He got up from Sebastian's bed and stretched his back. "I'll go get a vase, I saw they have some in the kitchenette by the coffee machine."

Marc handed Kurt the flowers and Kurt left the room.

"You don't have to thank us Seb. You're family and we care about you. This is what you do for family, okay?"

Sebastian lick his lips and caught the bottom one between his teeth. He nodded.

"You want some help getting back into bed?"

Sebastian nodded again and, with Marc's help, settled himself back on the soft mattress.

"How were the dogs?" he asked to distract himself from his thoughts.

Marc smirked. "Loud. It took me a while to get to sleep. They're very intuitive, you know. They sense when something's up." He sat down on a chair by the bed. "I guess they got a little agitated because I smelled like hospital."

Kurt came back in and carrying the flowers in a basic glass vase. He set them by the bed and wrinkled his nose a little.

"Do you think I could use the shower here?" he asked.

Marc looked at Sebastian, who nodded subtly. "Kurt, I'll be at home again this evening. Paul is on a long shift so will be staying here overnight. Why don't you come home with me? You can shower and sleep, and then in the morning we can go to your apartments and pick up some clothes and personal items for you both."

Kurt frowned. "I don't know, I kind of want to stay..."

"Yeah, but there's only one bed and Seb needs his rest too," Marc argued.

Kurt shrugged. "That's okay. I already slept, so..."

"Baby," Sebastian started, reaching his good hand out to Kurt. "You slept for like, an hour...two at most. And if you don't sleep you'll end up here as a patient with sleep deprivation."

He kissed Kurt's hand. "I love you for wanting to stay, but you should go and get a proper night's sleep and a shower...nothing is going to happen to me, I promise."

Kurt still hesitated, but the thought that Paul would be there to keep an eye on Sebastian finally helped him see reason. What could he do, anyway, apart from keep Sebastian from his rest?

"Okay," he agreed. "If you're sure...I guess I can do that. Is there anything special I should bring from your place?"

Sebastian smiled at him. "My glasses? So I can tell how much of this blurry vision is the concussion and how much is just my crappy eyesight?”

Kurt grinned and nodded. “Sure thing. Anything else?” he asked eagerly, wanting to feel helpful.

“My laptop? And maybe some books, please?"

“Okay!”

"We're not leaving just yet Kurt, I only just got here," Marc said kindly. Seeing Sebastian again now that he'd slept and was cleaned up made Marc feel a little reassured himself. Sebastian was in good hands.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want to miss this delicious dinner, anyway," a friendly nurse announced cheerfully, pushing a cart stacked with aluminium-covered trays. She took out three portions and handed them to Kurt.

"Um, thanks? But we're only visitors..."

"That's ok, honey. The boss signed off on it." She winked at him. "Enjoy your meal."

A little stunned, Kurt handed Sebastian and Marc a tray. "Paul really calls the shots around here, huh?" he said.

"He's worked here a long time," Marc said smiling. "They've offered him Chief more times than I can count, but he likes surgery and teaching too much."

Kurt secretly loved the pride he could hear in Marc's voice. They loved each other so much. It made him miss his dad and Carole. They had more in common with Sebastian's dads-by-choice than it would seem at first glance.

He set his tray to the side and rose to help Sebastian take the foil off of his. It smelled a bit like the food from the cafeteria at McKinley; a vision of overcooked vegetables, rich sauce and unidentifiable chunks of meat swam before Kurt's eyes- both of the times he'd tried to eat it, and the times he had to wash it out of his hair in the boys' room sink after the jocks tipped his tray over accidentally-on-purpose. His stomach churned a little, but he knew he had to eat _something,_  and so should Sebastian.

"Yum, hospital food," Sebastian said in a monotone, then winked at Kurt.

"I guess this is...not so bad," Kurt offered, looking down on his tray.

"Wait till you try it before passing judgement," Paul said walking into the room. "Hey," he said kissing Marc on the cheek and then focusing on Sebastian. "I thought I'd come and see how your hand is doing, are you in any pain?"

Sebastian rolled his wrist and shrugged. It itched a little bit. He figured it was because of the splint - his fingers weren't used to being fixed in one position.

"No," he said quietly, awkwardly spearing a piece of broccoli onto his fork with his left hand. "My heads a little fuzzy, but I'm okay."

Paul nodded. "Fuzzy. Can you be a little more specific? Headaches? Auras? Are you seeing starbursts around the lights? Or is it more like feeling tired? Any nausea? Apart from the food, I mean."

Marc frowned a little. "Can you let him eat in peace?" he mumbled.

"I'm trying to find out if I can discharge him in the morning," Paul explained. "It's my responsibility."

"You can have my pudding if you sit down for five minutes," Marc offered.

Paul raised an eyebrow. "I'll take it, if only to stop _you_ from eating it. Those are bad for you." He snatched the cup off Marc's tray and sat down in Sebastian's vacated wheelchair.

"My hero," Marc teased.

Sebastian smirked a little and then considered Paul's question. "I don't know," he said. "I guess I feel tired? I have a bit of a headache, but the kind I get if I've been reading a book all day?"

Paul nodded thoughtfully as he spooned the pudding out of his cup. "That's expected. I think some more rest will help with that. But let me know if you feel your vision overlap or if the lights are causing you pain, okay?"

He didn't wait for a reply but turned to Kurt right away."How are _you,_  Kurt?"

Kurt swallowed a bite of mashed potatoes and licked his lips. Paul was a little intimidating when he did his doctor thing. "I'm okay," he started, but quickly added: "But Bas and Marc already convinced me to go home to your place for the night."

Paul nodded. "That's good. You need rest too, now that the adrenaline has faded."

He put down his empty cup. "I should do the rest of my round and head back to my office to meet with my team. I usually give them more time to prep when I am taking leave."

They all nodded and, with another kiss to Marc's cheek, Paul left the room.

Sebastian ate his dinner slowly, the potato feeling heavy on his tongue. "God," he grimaced. "How can they get away with serving this to patients?"

Marc grinned. "I guess most of the patients are drugged up and not in a state to refuse," he joked. "But Paul says the food in the staff cafeteria is the same. He's always complaining about it."

Kurt shrugged. "It's hardly worse than our school food. Dalton's was nicer...though that would be expected given what they charged for tuition."

Sebastian hummed and pushed the dinner container away, reaching for his pudding instead.

"Thank god I'm only here for one more night..." he mumbled. "At least, I hope so...God..I hate this." He put his half opened chocolate pudding down and looked at his legs.

"Paul sounded confident you get to check out tomorrow," Marc said.

"And then we can cook you something decent to celebrate!" Kurt suggested cheerfully. "Provided Paul lets me into the kitchen, of course."

Marc smirked. "I can't make any promises. His kitchen is sacrosanct. I can't even tell you what he spent on a new set of knives the other day, it was outrageous."

Sebastian half-smiled at their attempts to cheer him up. Scratching his hand absentmindedly, he sunk back into his pillows and listened to Kurt and Marc talk about Paul's possessiveness over the kitchen.

After a while, they noticed Sebastian was getting tired, so Marc and Kurt decided to go.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" Kurt said for the third time and kissed his boyfriend's cheek. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Hang in there, Seb," Marc offered, squeezing his shoulder. "I hear the breakfast is slightly better."

Sebastian smiled and turned his head to kiss Kurt softly. "Have a good night."

"You too."

As they left, it was quiet on the floor. Visiting hours had been over for a while. Kurt was glad the hospital was cutting them this much slack. They weren't even officially Sebastian's relatives. Things could have gone very differently if it hadn't been for Paul. Sebastian could have been really alone - throughout the whole thing. Kurt doubted his father would have showed up, even if Sebastian would have listed him as his emergency contact (which he knew he hadn't).

-

Sebastian sighed and scratched his hand again. Figuring he should probably try and sleep, he closed his eyes and settled down.

His phone buzzed just as he was drifting off and he groaned, opening his eyes. He reached awkwardly to the table over his legs and looked at the screen.

Smiling a little, he swiped to answer and held the phone up to his ear. “Hey Alice.”

"Oh my god, Seb, it's so good to hear your voice," Alice said. "How are you? I've been texting Kurt but he hasn't even read my messages yet!"

“I'm...okay, just a little banged up. I'm sure Kurt will text you, he's been sleeping this afternoon so that's probably why. How are you?”

Alice paused a little. "I'm fine," she said finally. "Brody and I have been looking at apartments and we have put ourselves on the list for two of them, it's very exciting! But-" she audibly stopped herself. "I want to hear about _you_. Does it hurt? Is your room okay? Are you sure you don't want me to come over?"

Sebastian bit his lip and rubbed his right hand against his hip. “My right hand is busted, I have to keep the splint on for four weeks, and I still have a concussion...my room's okay, the food is shit...I don't think they'll let you come,” he sighed. “Visiting hours are over.”

"Oh, right…" Alice sounded a little dejected. "I'm sorry." She sighed. "I wish there was something I could do."

Sebastian rolled over slightly and curled his legs up. “You can tell me about the apartments you've been viewing, are you gonna have a housewarming?”

"Okay!" Alice said eagerly. "Right, so this first place we went to was an absolute disaster…"

**[The Next Morning]**

The door opened and Paul walked in, dressed in his civilian clothes and holding a clipboard. He had already come to see Sebastian earlier for a last check-up, and upon finding everything in order, had gone to deal with the paperwork.

"Here you go, Seb," he said, handing the clipboard to Sebastian. "You need to sign these and then you're free to go."

Sebastian took the pen from the clipboard. It felt awkward in his left hand, but he managed to scribble a legible signature. Paul turned and handed the clipboard to a young colleague who had followed him in.

"Take these to the nurses station, please," he said.

"Yes doctor," the woman said. "And what should we do about the kid in 7?"

"Abbie?" Paul asked. "Tell her if she doesn't stop picking her stitches the wound won't heal and I'll have to chop off her arm." Paul grinned at the intern and she chuckled, backing out of the room.

Sebastian watched her go with a smirk on his face. "So, uh...should I be worried you're gonna chop off my hand, too?" he asked playfully.

Paul turned around, his expression neutral. "It'll _probably_ be okay. But you might want to update your resumé just in case...I hear flairtending isn't all that easy with a hook."

Sebastian grinned at him.

Paul smiled back at Sebastian. He pushed the wheelchair closer to the bed and held out his hand. "Come on. The girls will be happy to see you."

-

The dogs _were_ happy to see him. As soon as Paul opened the door, Poppy and Lola were at his heels, barking and wagging their tails. Paul whistled to get their attention and they sat down.

"Gently! Sebastian is hurt and needs to be looked after. Be gentle."

Sebastian smiled at them and held his uninjured hand out for them to sniff. Poppy licked it softly and Lola nudged his leg with her head.

"Marc and Kurt have gone to pick up your things,” Paul said holding up a note that had been left on the side table next to the door. “Marc said he has set up your room for you, do you want to lie down? Shower?"

Sebastian looked around the apartment, feeling at home instantly.

"Shower, I think," he said. "I feel gross…” He hesitated. “Thank you, Paul, for doing this."

Paul squeezed his shoulder. "You're welcome in our home any time, Seb, you know that. And Kurt is too, of course." He thought about the night before. "He's tougher than he looks," he mused.

"Don't I know it," Sebastian said. "I don't know what I'd have done if it had been reversed...I'd have been a basket case."

The thought of anything happening to Kurt made his stomach turn over.

"No, you wouldn't have. You're tougher than you look, too," Paul said, nodding at him.

-

"You know, it's okay to take a little break and just sit, you know?" Marc said gently. "You don't have to power through like this."

Kurt didn't reply. He was sweeping through his apartment, picking up things to put in his overnight bag. He was grateful for the night he had spent in Marc and Paul's comfortable guest room, but now that he had slept, he felt ever more determined to get back to Sebastian as fast as he could.

"I think your phone is ringing," Marc called out as Kurt had gone into the bathroom to pack his toiletries.

Kurt dropped his bag and came hurrying out. He grabbed his phone without looking at the display. "Yes?" he said urgently.

"Hey Kurt, it's Dani-"

Kurt lowered the phone for a moment and sighed. For a moment, he had been convinced it would be Paul calling that Sebastian had collapsed or something else had happened to him. He gathered himself and dutifully raised the phone to his ear again.

"-thought we were gonna go to your bar yesterday? I sent you a couple of texts. What happened, did you and your sexy boyfriend get distracted again, huh? Just how long does this honeymoon phase last for you guys anyway? ...Kurt?"

Kurt let himself drop into the couch. "I'm here. Sorry, Dani. I completely forgot. I was at the hospital."

"Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's Sebastian. A, um...fight broke out at the bar on Friday. He has a concussion and two broken fingers-"

"Geez...But I should see the other guys, right?" Dani suggested supportively.

"Yeah...yeah," Kurt mumbled. "Look, he's getting out today and I was just getting some stuff ready-"

"I understand. We'll catch up when he's feeling better. Tell him we wish him all the best, alright?"

"Sure. I will. Uh...say hi to Elliott for me." Kurt didn't have the concentration to tell them about the benefit now. For the moment, he didn't want to think about Satire at all.

He hung up and looked at Marc.

"Is that the...um...version you want to go by for now?" Marc asked carefully. "A fight?"

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe? I don't know what Sebastian wants." He was suddenly uncertain if he'd said the wrong thing. But telling everyone how Sebastian was attacked meant owning up to what they'd been doing to incite it.

"I don't mind," Marc said quickly. "I just want to know so I don't put my foot in it when I talk to your friends."

"Thanks, Marc." Kurt got up. "I should finish packing. I'd like to go and get some things for Sebastian's place, too."

-

Sebastian stepped under the hot spray of his ensuite shower, holding his arm out of the way so that he didn't get his hand wet. Paul had wrapped a plastic bag around it, but he still wanted to be careful.

He stared at the porcelain shower base, shuddering a little as the water flowing around his feet turned grey. He moved slightly and winced as a sharp stinging pain shot through his back.

"Ow," he mumbled, moving away from the spray. He craned his head to look at his back and saw a long deep scratch over his shoulder. "What the-?"

He started examining the rest of his body. There were bruises and scrapes everywhere, and it hit him with sudden clarity that someone had _put_ them there. This had not been an accident. The closer he looked at the marks on his hips, the more he realised they looked like fingerprints. An onslaught of visions hit him as his imagination filled in the gaps of how they ended up there. He tried to shake them off.

He reached for the shampoo that Paul had said he could use and awkwardly managed to squeeze some directly in his hair with his left hand. He closed his eyes and started massaging it in.

Suddenly, he found himself tightening his own fingers in his hair, making a fist against his scalp and tugging experimentally. He dropped his hand immediately.

Sebastian opened his eyes wide. His heart was beating wildly. He looked around and realised he was alone. He lifted his hand, for a moment staring at his own palm like it was a foreign object. He realised he was tearing up, and held his head under the spray to get the soap out of his eyes.

What was _wrong_ with him? At first he'd been thinking about Kurt and their choreography, until suddenly, he wasn't.

He stood under the warm water for a while, letting it run down his face. Slowly, he could feel himself relaxing, and he slumped forward a little, lowering his head on a sigh and directing the hot jet of water to the back of his neck and his shoulders. He rested his face against the wall of the shower.

_He was being held up against the bathroom wall, his face pressed hard into the greying tiles. The outline of the tiles and grout cut into his cheek. Someone's breath was hot in the back of his neck, and there was the unmistakable sound of a belt buckle coming undone._

Sebastian pushed away from the wall in disgust and felt a wave of nausea hit him. He sidestepped to balance his feet on the wet floor. What the _hell?_

He shook his head as he tried to make sense of the visions flashing in his mind. It didn't make _sense_. He turned off the water, feeling cold despite the steam that had fogged up the room. He reached for a towel and wrapped it around his waist, covering up the marks on his hips. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and wiped his hand over the wet glass of the bathroom mirror.

The swelling on his head had gone down but the bruise was large and a deep purple colour, almost black, and it covered most of his forehead. He ran his finger over it gingerly and winced.

"Seb?" The sound of Paul's voice calling him from behind the door made him jump. Sebastian cursed silently at how easy he spooked and shuffled to open the door a little.

"It's almost time for the next dose of painkillers," Paul said, discretely fixing his eyes on the hallway as he spoke.

"Okay, thanks," Sebastian replied quietly. "I'm almost done."

Paul nodded. Something about Sebastian's tone caused him to glance his way. He opened his mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it and closed it again.

"Don't take too long," he said, looking away again. "If you miss this round you won't be able to have any more until morning."

Sebastian hummed softly and closed the door again. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, trying to calm his raging heartbeat. As he glanced back at the mirror, it had fogged up again.

Sebastian finished drying off and went into the guest bedroom. There was a small pile of clothes set neatly at the foot of the bed. He recognised the sweatpants as his, left over from when he stayed at Christmas. The t-shirt and hoodie had to be Marc's, as they were definitely not Paul's style at all.

Smiling a little, he sat on the end of the bed and slowly started to dress.


	12. Call In The Troops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian settles in at Marc and Paul’s and the Scoobs come over for a visit.

"I got it," Marc said, reaching for his key. Kurt had his hands full. "Let's not ring in case Seb's asleep." He opened the door and stepped aside for Kurt.  ****  
** **

Kurt heard the voices of his and Bas' favourite fictional medical staff, and smiled. It didn't sound like his boyfriend was asleep. One glance revealed him decked out on the couch, comfortably settled in with Marc and Paul's dogs, watching Grey's Anatomy. ****  
** **

Kurt set the heavy overnight bag he had packed with his and Sebastian's things down on the floor, shaking out his arm to get his circulation up again. Not knowing how long they would be staying, Kurt had packed as much as he could. He had chosen comfortable sweaters and drawstring slacks for Sebastian that he could easily manage with his splinted hand and some house guest-appropriate outfits for himself, Sebastian’s glasses, toiletries, phone chargers, laptops, Mr Robesbear and some of Sebastian's books.  ****  
** **

"Hey," he said, walking up to Sebastian. "I thought you might have had enough of hospitals for a bit?" Kurt put Mr Robesbear on Sebastian's lap. Poppy and Lola immediately sniffed it. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Kurt and took the bear in his good hand, thumbing the fuzzy blue fur absentmindedly. ****  
** **

"I’ll never have enough Grey’s," Sebastian said. He was watching the last couple of episodes of season five. The doctors had just realised John Doe was George. ****  
** **

Kurt handed him his glasses, putting the case on the table in front of them. ****  
** **

Sebastian put them on, feeling his eyes instantly relax a little. He waited until Kurt sat down and then rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder, curling his knees up under himself. ****  
** **

Kurt softly placed a kiss in Sebastian's hair. It was still damp from the shower. It smelled different, but good. ****  
** **

"How's your head?" he asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes at Kurt’s touch but opened them again as some of the images from the shower appeared in front of them.  ****  
** **

"A bit fuzzy," he said. "When I was in the shower...I had flashes of what I think happened, but I’m not sure I remember it all correctly…" ****  
** **

He paused, swallowing.  ****  
** **

"I think I’m remembering the attack," he said quietly to Kurt. "But it’s a bit muddled...can you, I mean...would you tell me how it happened?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. He'd given Sebastian abbreviated versions of the attack several times last night, but his short-term memory hadn't been able to retain the information. Now that he was lucid, Kurt understood Sebastian would want clarity. From the corner of his eye, he saw Marc and Paul draw closer. Marc hadn't been in the main room when it happened, and Paul had only heard the medically relevant details. ****  
** **

"We were doing _Sexy Back_ ," he started. "The atmosphere was...pretty heated. You went down on your knees for me. I was going to pour you a shot. As I was reaching for a bottle, some guys grabbed your hips and pulled you off the bar." ****  
** **

He paused, trying hard to stick to the story and not go off in a tangent of apologies about how he should have never picked that song, choreographed their routine, or allowed himself to become distracted.  ****  
** **

"It was like everyone wanted a part of you. They were tearing at you, pulling at your clothes. And then you were gone. I couldn't see you anymore. I hit the panic button and then we all tried to find you." ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned. That didn’t explain the bathroom. ****  
** **

"So...I was in the bar...I wasn’t anywhere else?" ****  
** **

Kurt frowned and shook his head. "Georgio found you. It looked like they may have tried to drag you to bar two but you were still in the main room." He swallowed, not wanting to think about what could have happened if his attackers had managed to get him into a room with a lock. ****  
** **

"You were unconscious," he continued. "Terry and Dan were able to wake you and you started throwing up. We realised you had a concussion and called an ambulance." ****  
** **

Kurt didn't want to burden him with the details about the bar's CCTV and the eyewitnesses. It could wait. ****  
** **

He hesitated. "What do _you_ remember?" he asked carefully. ****  
** **

Sebastian scratched his forehead a little, trying to sort things in his head. "I remember falling, and...someone stomping on my hand," he said quietly. "And maybe someone grabbing my hair?" He paused. He didn’t want to tell them what else he had seen. "I don’t know...it’s mostly still a blur." ****  
** **

"That’s alright Seb," Paul said walking into the room. "The concussion is in the frontal lobe, and that is like...the main computer operating system for your whole body. It controls a lot of things, including memory." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. He hesitated, then pushed on. "Did I have my clothes on? I mean, they didn’t...I wasn’t…" He broke off. “Was I?" He felt so ashamed that he had to ask. Just voicing it made him want to have another shower. ****  
** **

"No!" Kurt assured him hurriedly. "I mean...you still had your jeans on, so..." ****  
** **

"It can't have been more than a few minutes," Marc added. "The bar cleared out in no time after the alarm went off." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. He knew Marc had to be right, even though it had felt like an eternity to him while he was looking for Bas. There wouldn't have been enough time to get him undressed and then dress him again. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed a little in relief. It didn’t explain what he had seen, but maybe he was just confused and his mind was playing tricks on him.   ****  
** **

Poppy nudged his hand and licked it. Sebastian stroked her head softly. Then he looked at Kurt. "Thank you. You know, for...hitting that button. I guess it could have gone differently if you hadn’t." He smiled mirthlessly and raised his hand. "I mean, this is not so bad. I’ve had worse from my piano teacher." ****  
** **

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Worse than breaking two fingers?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged awkwardly, his momentarily buzz of flippancy fading as soon as it had flared up. "Maybe not. Sorry. I just…" ****  
** **

"I know," Kurt reassured him. "It’s okay." ****  
** **

Sebastian’s phone dinged and he reached into his pocket to pull it out. It was a message from Alice. ****  
** **

**From Alice (18:23)** ****  
** **

**Hey sweetheart, did you get to go home today?** ****  
** **

**We’re all thinking of you and are ready to descend as soon as you’re up for visitors! <3 love you xxxx** ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. He held up the text for Kurt to see. ****  
** **

"Do you want them to come over?" Kurt asked. He looked at Paul. "Would that be okay?" ****  
** **

Paul cocked his head. "Do you want my medical opinion or my permission as house-owner?" he asked drily. "Because our home is your home, you know that." He looked at Sebastian pensively. "If you feel well enough, I don‘t see why not," he concluded.  ****  
** **

Sebastian thought about it. It might be nice to have his friends over. The activity would distract him from his thoughts. Now that he knew what had really happened, maybe his mind would give him a rest. ****  
** **

"Maybe for a bit?" he half-asked. ****  
** **

Marc smiled at him. "Sounds like a good idea, Seb. I’ll go see if we still have some snacks." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

True to their word, their friends made their way to Marc and Paul's as soon as Sebastian told them it was okay. The concierge gave word they were on their way up, and Kurt went out to meet them in the hallway. Brody was carrying a bouquet of flowers and Steph had a plastic bag from a nearby supermarket hanging from her arm. Alice held a glossy hardcover catalogue from the museum. ****  
** **

"Hey," Alice said quietly, hugging Kurt tightly. "How is he?" The others gathered around them.  ****  
** **

"Okay, I think, given the circumstances," Kurt replied. "Look, um, he doesn't remember much about what happened, because of the concussion. I have the feeling it's stressing him out a little that he doesn't know. So maybe don't ask him too many questions, okay?" His eyes caught on Alex. ****  
** **

"No questions, I get it," Alex mumbled. "Don't need to single me out." ****  
** **

"I'm sorry," Kurt said honestly. He was still so tired - despite the nap he’d had at the hospital and the night he’d spent at Marc and Paul’s. "Come on." He walked them down the hall to the apartment. Paul greeted them at the door and showed them to the living room.  ****  
** **

As soon as the dogs noticed strangers had entered the house, they jumped up from the couch and started barking and growling, positioning themselves between Sebastian and the newcomers. ****  
** **

"Girls!" Paul shouted warningly.  ****  
** **

The dogs stopped barking but kept their alert stances in front of Sebastian.  ****  
** **

"I’m sorry," Paul said to the group. "They won’t bite. They’re just protective." ****  
** **

"It’s okay," Alex said walking forward slowly. "They’re just looking out for one of their own, right? Aren’t you, pretty ladies?"

Lola started a low rumble in her throat and showed her teeth, but Alex held out his hand for her to sniff. "Hey girl," he said quietly, bending down to her level. She sniffed him warily, little growls still coming out, but he held his hand out flat, waiting. After a moment she licked him and wagged her tail a little. ****  
** **

"Can I say hello to my friend?" Alex asked, stroking her ears. She nudged his hand a bit and licked him again. Alex smiled. "Thank you." ****  
** **

He stood up and moved to sit next to Sebastian on the sofa. He realised that the room was quiet and everyone was staring at him. "My family breed dogs," he said, shrugging. ****  
** **

He turned to Sebastian and nudged him gently. "How are you feeling, dude?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. "Better," he said honestly. Just having his friends around was calming him down. He looked at Kurt and smiled. ****  
** **

Kurt felt his heart swell. The need to stay at Sebastian‘s side lifted a little, knowing that he‘d be alright with them. ****  
** **

"I‘ll go help Marc in the kitchen," he offered, giving Sebastian and his friends some space.  ****  
** **

"I‘ll go get a vase," Paul agreed, taking the flowers from Brody and following Kurt into the kitchen. ****  
** **

Alex gestured at Steph. "It‘s okay," he said, watching the dogs. "Just move slowly." ****  
** **

Steph hesitantly stepped up to the couch, but Poppy and Lola were more interested in her shopping bag than in her. They came up to sniff it and started wagging their tails.  ****  
** **

"We, um - got you something, Seb," she started.  ****  
** **

Alex cut in. "It was my idea!" ****  
** **

"It was _our_ idea," Alice corrected. "We figured you might like it better than a fruit basket." ****  
** **

"Yeah, because it‘s not like you have the flu!" Alex explained. ****  
** **

Steph handed Sebastian the shopping bag.  ****  
** **

Sebastian took it with his left hand and balanced it on the sofa between him and Alex. He looked inside and felt his heart flutter. It had several carefully wrapped pieces of gourmet cheese in it.  ****  
** **

"You guys," he said looking around at his friends.  ****  
** **

"It’s not much," Alice said sitting on Sebastian’s other side. "We just wanted to do something…" ****  
** **

She looked at her friend and had to fight the urge to cry. The bruises, the cuts, the splint on his hand…it was too much.  ****  
** **

"I’m fine, Alice," Sebastian said as reassuringly as he could. "Honestly." ****  
** **

Alice nodded, not trusting her voice enough to speak.  ****  
** **

"You spooked us all, though," Brody said. "When Kurt told us you were in the hospital, we had to hold Alice back from running there on foot!" He walked over and shook Sebastian’s hand before sitting down on Alice’s other side. She leaned in to him and he rested his hand on her back. He had long since accepted that when it came to Sebastian, Alice would drop anything, and it didn't make him jealous. ****  
** **

Alice shrugged. "I just don't understand," she said softly. "Why didn't they go pick a fight somewhere else?" ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed. "I think...I think it was just the atmosphere," he said. "I don’t remember much, but Kurt said that it happened during our performance." ****  
** **

They all frowned. "Wh-?" Alex started. ****  
** **

"I was on the bar and they..." Sebastian swallowed. "Grabbed me. Pulled me down. And, uh- roughed me up a little, as you can see." He shrugged, hoping it sounded blasé. ****  
** **

Sebastian's friends were quiet for a moment. Poppy and Lola nuzzled at Sebastian's legs, pushing his friends away to replace them with their furry comfort. Alex watched them for a moment and took in Sebastian's expression. He wasn't completely sure what Sebastian's words implied, but he could tell how it made his friend feel. He decided to give him an out. ****  
** **

"Wow, that must have been some pretty bad singing, then!" he teased. ****  
** **

"Alex!" Alice let out, frowning. ****  
** **

"What?" Alex said, feigning ignorance. "Maybe you should let Brody give you some singing lessons, bro." ****  
** **

Sebastian stroked the dogs with his good hand, and laughed.  ****  
** **

"Yeah...maybe I should," he said, smiling at his friend. "So, how was the exhibit?" He nodded subtly at the catalogue Alice was still clutching. ****  
** **

"Oh, right!" she muttered, and presented it to him. "It was really great!" ****  
** **

"But not _too_ great," Brody modified, winking. ****  
** **

"Yeah, it was rubbish!" Alex picked up eagerly, giving Brody a big fat wink back. ****  
** **

Sebastian smirked. "It’s okay, guys. You’re allowed to have fun without me, you know." ****  
** **

The group relaxed and slipped into an easy conversation about the exhibition.

“-and so, Alex was gearing up to fight this old lady over the collection catalogue because we all thought it was the very last one, right," Steph finished, “but luckily it didn’t come to that as they still had a large stack in the back." ****  
** **

Alex shrugged. “I didn’t know that," he mumbled. “I just really wanted to get that catalogue. That old lady looked like she couldn’t read anything anymore anyway." ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. He’d come back into the room part way through their story with snacks and a tray of drinks. “Thank you, Alex. It’s the thought that counts." ****  
** **

Alex nodded. He didn’t always appreciate being the punchline of their group, especially not when he had been doing his best. He breathed in and wrinkled his nose. Before anyone could accuse him of something again, he asked: “Ugh, did someone take off their shoes? This is _not_ me, you guys!" He glared at Brody. ****  
** **

Brody frowned. “Me neither-" ****  
** **

Sebastian offered them a sheepish smile. He had a small package of unwrapped cheese on his lap. ****  
** **

“Oh my god, that’s just horrible, dude," Brody said. ****  
** **

Kurt, who recognised the smell from when he had bought cheese for Sebastian the summer before, nodded in agreement. “And it tastes as bad as it smells, too." ****  
** **

“It does _not_ ," Sebastian said, breaking off a piece and plopping it into his mouth happily. “And I wasn’t going to offer to share anyway, if you’re going to be babies about it." ****  
** **

“It’s all yours," Alice said fondly. She reached for the bowl of pretzels Kurt had brought out. ****  
** **

“How can you even eat right now," Alex mumbled, sounding faintly disgusted. ****  
** **

“I’m used to Seb’s horrible choices from our lunches," Alice said. “The trick is to breathe through your mouth." ****  
** **

“You guys don’t know what you’re missing out on," Sebastian said with his mouth full. “Typical Americans." ****  
** **

Kurt watched him, and allowed himself to feel a little hopeful again.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Alice and the others left just before nine PM. While he’d been happy to see them, their presence had drained the little energy Sebastian had left. ****  
** **

"You okay Seb?" Marc asked. Kurt was seeing their friends out. ****  
** **

"Yeah, just tired." Sebastian scratched his hand a bit. "This thing is itching as well." ****  
** **

Marc nodded. "It‘s probably just healing. Do you wanna ask Paul to take a look at it?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged. "I’ll see how it is is in the mor-" ****  
** **

"Get me to have a look at what?" Paul asked, walking into the room. ****  
** **

"Seb’s hand is itching," Marc said. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed a little, wishing he could have told Paul himself at a more convenient time, like when he wasn’t dead on his feet. ****  
** **

Paul nodded thoughtfully. "Well, yes, that’s expected. The blood in your fingers is producing bone cells, getting ready to knit the fractures together. I’d rather not disturb the splints. I can give you some antihistamine if you want." ****  
** **

"Yes please," Sebastian said, scratching his hand again. ****  
** **

"Don’t scratch it!" Paul said sternly. "You’ll disturb the splints. Just try and ignore it." With that, he disappeared into the kitchen. ****  
** **

"He’s bossy, but he knows his stuff," Marc said in a low voice, offering Sebastian an apologetic look. ****  
** **

Paul returned with a strip of tiny pills and a glass of water. "Here," he said handing the glass over and popping a pill into Sebastian’s hand. ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed it and followed it with some water. "Thanks," he said quietly. ****  
** **

Poppy’s ears pricked as the front door closed and she let out a low rumble. She relaxed and started wagging her tail when Kurt walked into the room. Sebastian smiled at him. ****  
** **

Kurt returned his smile. He could tell the visit had done Sebastian good. Somehow, things didn‘t seem so bad anymore. ****  
** **

"So...what now? Do you wanna watch some more Greys?" he asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian thought about it but his head was starting to ache and he could feel the clutches of sleep start to take hold of him. ****  
** **

"I think I might try to sleep actually, if...if that’s okay? I know it’s early, so you don’t have to come with...but I think I need to lie down?" ****  
** **

"Of course, yes," Kurt amended quickly. "I don‘t mind. I was going to call my dad, maybe, give him an update."  ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded and stood up. The dogs both sprang into action. ****  
** **

Marc shook his head a little but smiled. He didn’t blame them for being over protective. A big part of him wanted to wrap Sebastian up in bubble wrap and never let him leave the house again. “Let me know if you need anything," he offered instead. ****  
** **

Sebastian assured Marc that he would. ****  
** **

He kissed Kurt, said goodnight to the others and walked towards the bedroom. Poppy and Lola followed close on his heels. ****  
** **

He took off the hoodie and sweatpants and climbed under the soft covers. Lola jumped up onto the bed and settled herself over his feet. Poppy curled up along the side of the bed on the floor. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and curled up under the heavy duvet. He fell asleep almost instantly. ****  
** **

It didn’t take long for the nightmares to return.


	13. It's Not Right (And Not Okay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian’s mind is still trying to catch up, and it’s making him feel irritated and uneasy.

_What’s up, Killer?_ Sebastian writhed in his sheets. His hand throbbed.  ****  
** **

Multicoloured Christmas lights blinked, decking out the bar in a rainbow of reflections. The jukebox played a tired power diva anthem. Something little Aretha from Nude Erections might sing. Sebastian secretly liked it.  ****  
** **

_Come here often? Sure. I pretty much live here._ ****  
** **

Someone’s hand cupped the back of his jeans. Sebastian froze. A blue neon sign advertised Cocktails. Sebastian stared at it until it burned into his corneas. When he closed his eyes, hot white flashes spelled _cock_ against his eyelids. ****  
** **

_Do you want a drink?_ ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed, swallowing hard. He licked his lips and pressed his face deeper into the pillow. ****  
** **

His coke tasted like someone left it in the fridge without the cap. His tongue felt dry. Did someone turn down the music? 

There were no rainbow lights in the bathroom. There was muted pleasure, sharp pain and _fear_. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Sebastian woke with a start, breathing heavily. He could feel the sweat drip from his forehead. The sound of the door closing made him jump and he sat up a little, disoriented.  ****  
** **

A low grumble sounded somewhere near his feet and he heard a soft musical voice make shushing sounds. ****  
** **

"Kurt?" Sebastian asked, his voice a little rough. ****  
** **

"Oh, hey," Kurt said softly. He was using the flashlight on his phone to light his way to the bed. "I didn‘t mean to wake you…" ****  
** **

He sat down on the empty side of the bed. ****  
** **

Lola grudgingly made room, yawning widely, then put her head down again. ****  
** **

Sebastian blinked and rubbed a hand over his face. "You didn’t wake me," he said honestly. ****  
** **

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked.  ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged. "Everything’s fine." ****  
** **

Lola smacked and pawed at the sheets. Sebastian looked down on her. At least _someone_ was sleeping peacefully.  ****  
** **

"You can put the dogs in the hall, if you don’t wanna share the bed with them," he offered. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. "Well, I'd rather just share the bed with _you_ ," he said, switching the light off and putting his phone down, "but it seems mean to wake Lola again. There's room enough." He got under the covers and moved a little closer to Sebastian. "A goodnight kiss?"  ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt, curling his hand up to hold on to Kurt’s shirt and shuffling closer. "I love you," he whispered. ****  
** **

"I l-..." Kurt started, sighing. Then he pulled away a little. "Bas...you're burning up."  ****  
** **

Kurt opened his eyes to look at Sebastian in the dark. He reached up to put his hand on Sebastian's forehead. "Do you have a fever? Should I get Paul?" ****  
** **

Sebastian pulled away from his touch. "I’m fine, Kurt," he said evasively. ****  
** **

Lola growled in her sleep, moving a paw over Sebastian's leg.  ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed. It was probably the warmth; the blanket, the dogs. He'd woken Sebastian, it was no wonder he was groggy. ****  
** **

"Okay," Kurt offered softly. "Just go back to sleep then. I'll be right here if you need me." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed, feeling guilty. "Sorry," he whispered, stroking Kurt’s face. ****  
** **

"It's fine, Bas. I worry too much," Kurt whispered, closing his eyes. "Let's just sleep." The last thing Kurt wanted was for Sebastian to feel smothered. ****  
** **

Sebastian leaned forward and kissed him. "Goodnight, then." ****  
** **

"Goodnight, Bas. I hope you feel better in the morning." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and stayed close to Kurt, searching for his hand under the covers and slipping his under it. Kurt responded by tightening his fingers ever so slightly around Sebastian’s. ****  
** **

Having Kurt close relaxed him. Maybe the jarring dreams would leave him alone when Kurt was close. ****  
** **

With that comforting thought, Sebastian let sleep claim him again. ****  
** **

_Don’t pretend you don’t like it like this. I don’t - not like this, please. You’re hurting me!_ ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

When Sebastian woke the next morning it was with a start. The horrifying images that had plagued him since the attack had flooded his dreams, causing him to wake fretfully every hour or so until the sun came up. It was like his subconscious was trying to tell him something by repeating the same nightmare over and over. ****  
** **

At the foot of the bed, Lola stirred with him and nuzzled his hand. Sebastian glanced to his side and saw Kurt laying flat on his belly, his arms curled up under his pillow, fast asleep. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed. He wished he could sleep, but every time he did, he just saw the same thing. He didn’t want to see it again. ****  
** **

Instead he slowly got out of bed, being mindful to not step on Poppy. Although he moved very quietly, both dogs sat up immediately. Sebastian hurried to shush them, moving too fast, and his head spun. ****  
** **

He placed his hand on the wall to steady himself before moving carefully to slip out of the room, luring the dogs with him, trying desperately to not wake his boyfriend. He didn’t want Kurt to worry, and wake up Paul. ****  
** **

Kurt sighed in his sleep, hugging his arms tighter around his pillow. ****  
** **

Sebastian walked barefoot through the apartment and into the kitchen. Marc was sitting at the kitchen counter drinking a mug of coffee. A newspaper was spread out in front of him. ****  
** **

Poppy bounded over to him and jumped up to put her front paws on his leg. Lola stayed close to Sebastian. ****  
** **

"Morning," Sebastian said quietly. "I didn’t think anyone else would be awake."  ****  
** **

"Good morning," Marc said, looking up and smiling at Sebastian. "I couldn't sleep." He ruffled the fur on Poppy's neck. "I missed you, baby. No one was snoring and yelping in my ear…well, except Paul." He chuckled.  ****  
** **

His smile faded a little as he took in Sebastian's appearance. "Are you okay? You look tired." ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged and opened the fridge to get out the carton of orange juice. ****  
** **

"I didn’t sleep that well either," he said honestly. He reached for a glass in the cupboard and poured himself some juice, rubbing his splinted hand against his chest as he did.  ****  
** **

Marc frowned. "Because of your hand? Is it still itching? I thought Paul gave you something…" ****  
** **

Sebastian sipped his juice. It hadn’t been his hand, but Marc didn’t need to know that. If he did, Paul would know, and then _Kurt_ would find out and they’d all just panic and worry even more. ****  
** **

His hand really did itch though, more than it had yesterday and it was starting to throb, so he used it. "Yeah. I guess it wore off." ****  
** **

"Oh yeah, of course," Marc replied. "Sorry. Paul‘s still asleep, but I could go wake him? It‘s his turn to take the dogs out anyway." ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged. "It’s okay. I really don’t want to bother him, let him sleep. I can take the dogs down, if you want?" ****  
** **

"I‘m sure they‘d like that, if you feel up to it," Marc replied. "Wouldn‘t you, girls? Do you wanna take uncle Seb for a walk?" ****  
** **

Poppy barked, abandoning Marc‘s lap immediately to join Lola.  ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled tiredly and stoked Poppy’s head. "Alright, I’ll go get changed." ****  
** **

He left them in the kitchen and made his way back to the bedroom. He grabbed his clothes silently, pausing for a minute to look at Kurt sleeping. He was so beautiful. Sebastian was a little jealous of his peace. He sighed deeply and slipped out of the room. ****  
** **

Once he was dressed, he made his way back into the kitchen and saw Paul, who was standing at the stove making scrambled eggs. ****  
** **

"Oh. Morning, Paul," Sebastian said, smiling at him. ****  
** **

Paul glanced at him, nodded in greeting, and turned back to the stove. "You‘re not going out, Seb," he said offhandedly. ****  
** **

Marc looked up from his paper. "He offered to take the girls." ****  
** **

Paul shook his head. "He has a concussion. It‘s not even been 72 hours. He stays." ****  
** **

Sebastian opened his mouth to protest. ****  
** **

"There’s no point arguing, Sebastian," Paul said calmly. "If you want some fresh air you can go and sit on the terrace." ****  
** **

"I’m not a child, Paul!" Sebastian snapped. ****  
** **

Paul turned to face him. "I am aware of that, Sebastian. This was my advice, as a physician, to an adult patient with a concussion. You are still within the timeframe of secondary hemorrhaging and I do not want to run the risk of you collapsing on the sidewalk. You would endanger both yourself _and_ Poppy and Lola, both of whom would follow you anywhere, but who are not capable of bringing you home or dialling 911." ****  
** **

Sebastian scowled at him and folded his arms across his chest. "Fine," he let out bitterly, and stormed from the room. ****  
** **

He threw himself down onto the sofa, regretting the movement immediately as it made his head spin. The dogs both followed him at a more sedate pace. Lola jumped up onto the sofa next to him and tucked herself into the space behind his curled up legs, her head resting on his hip.  ****  
** **

Poppy sat in front of him, her head resting on the sofa. She looked up at him with big brown eyes and whined a little. Sebastian sighed and stroked her behind the ear. ****  
** **

He felt incredibly guilty for snapping at Paul. He knew that the rules came from a place of caring and that Paul _did_ know what he was talking about, but Sebastian was just _so_ tired. It was like he couldn’t even think straight anymore. Everything anyone said, every look, every audible _breath,_ felt like a personal attack.  ****  
** **

He heard Marc and Paul talking quietly in the kitchen and sighed. ****  
** **

-  ****  
** **

"Well if his hand is still bothering him that‘s one _more_ reason for him to stay inside!" Paul argued, covering the pan with a large lid to keep the eggs warm. He looked at his husband. ****  
** **

Marc sighed. "He was just gonna take them round the block, stretch his legs a bit. He’s got cabin fever… He’s been stuck inside; first in the hospital, then here...all he’s done for the last 2 days is lay in a bed or on the couch." ****  
** **

"Yes, and that‘s exactly how a concussion _should_ be treated in the first week," Paul agreed.  ****  
** **

Marc shook his head. His husband was an excellent doctor, but he could also be quite infuriating. It was always ‘his way or the highway’ when it came to medical issues. And of course he always won in such cases. If all else failed, he’d simply remind Marc of the bad choices he was making with his own health and thereby invalidating his opinion. ****  
** **

It wasn’t fair. Marc cared deeply for Sebastian and would never put him in danger, and his own smoking and drinking habits did not cancel that out.  ****  
** **

"Fine," Marc said placatingly, knowing there was no point in arguing. "Just...don’t be so hard on him okay?" ****  
** **

Paul sighed. "I‘m not doing this to punish him, Marc," he said. He sat down at the table, taking Marc‘s hand. "I just want him to be safe." ****  
** **

Marc placed his other hand over Paul’s and squeezed. "I know." ****  
** **

From the other room they heard Poppy and Lola starting to bark. ****  
** **

Marc looked at his husband and they both jumped up, hurrying into the living room. ****  
** **

Sebastian was doubled over on the couch, clutching his hand. There was blood staining through the bandage. "It hurts!" he cried. ****  
** **

Paul frowned. "Yeah, it would, if you scratch the stitches."  ****  
** **

"I didn’t!" Sebastian protested. "I just moved the bandage a little-" ****  
** **

Paul looked at Marc. "Keep him steady, I‘ll get our first aid kit." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Meanwhile, the sound of Poppy and Lola‘s worried barking had woken Kurt. Without thinking twice, he jumped out of bed and hurried towards the sound of the noise. ****  
** **

"What happened?" he asked, seeing Marc and Paul crowded around Sebastian, who was looking pale and grim. ****  
** **

Paul sighed deeply, frowning at what he had uncovered after cutting through the bandages and taking off the splints. "The wound is infected," he stated. "It looks like it wasn‘t cleaned properly. Did they do it in the ambulance?" ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt said. He‘d been with Sebastian. ****  
** **

“They cleaned it when they splinted it too,” Sebastian said through his tears. ****  
** **

Paul was clearly irritated. "Well, they missed something. I‘ll need to wash it out and put you on a broad spectrum antibiotic, because those amateurs messed it up," he said angrily. "You’re lucky we caught it before necrosis set in." ****  
** **

Sebastian looked his hand and felt his stomach turn at the sight of the blood and puss. ****  
** **

"Is he gonna need to go back in?" Marc asked quietly. ****  
** **

"No. I can do it here and have the antibiotics delivered," Paul replied. "But I'll definitely be making a call to find out who fucked this up. This is standard procedure, it's _basic_ wound hygiene. This shouldn't have happened. No _wonder_ it itched last night." ****  
** **

"I thought you said-" ****  
** **

"I _know_ what I said!" Paul said angrily. "But I don’t have x-ray eyes, alright? The itch _could_ have been the healing. There was no justification for taking off the bandages yesterday-" He stopped himself when he realised none of them were actually accusing him of anything. He sighed, letting go of his defenses. ****  
** **

Kurt came up and sat down next to Sebastian, softly nudging the dogs away. He took Sebastian's uninjured hand. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at Kurt and tried to smile but failed. Instead he rested his head against Kurt’s shoulder and closed his eyes. ****  
** **

"Maybe you should try and go back to sleep?" Marc offered kindly. "Once Paul’s done his thing." ****  
** **

Sebastian opened his eyes. _To rest would be great_ , he thought. _But sleeping means dreaming._ ****  
** **

"I’ll be okay," Sebastian said quietly, wincing as Paul checked the wound to see how deep the infection went. ****  
** **

Kurt wrapped his arm around Sebastian, cradling his head against his chest. He didn‘t want to look at the wound, but he made himself. It was a part of their reality now, and he didn‘t want to look away in case he might need to describe it to someone at the hospital later. ****  
** **

"It‘s not as bad as it looks," Paul concluded, sounding subdued. "Or feels," he added, giving Sebastian a resigned look. "But I‘m ordering stronger painkillers for you too. I‘m not going to lie, Seb- this is not pretty and it‘s gonna hurt a lot to clean it up." ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and buried his face against Kurt’s chest. ****  
** **

"Is there nothing you can give him to ease the pain first?" Kurt asked. ****  
** **

"They don’t allow you to bring stuff like that home." Paul looked at Marc. "Might be a good idea to keep the girls out while we do this." He nodded at the dogs, who were whining and crying as they watched Sebastian. ****  
** **

Marc nodded. "Come on girls, time for your walk." He lead them out of the room. ****  
** **

Paul put on surgical gloves and took out disinfectant and gauze. ****  
** **

Kurt watched him. Paul was completely calm, which made sense, Kurt thought, as this was basically his day job. Kurt was glad _he_ didn‘t have to do it. He’d cleaned up enough cuts and scrapes on himself to know this had to be hurting _a lot_ . ****  
** **

Sebastian hissed as the disinfectant ran into the wound. It felt like his hand had been plunged into a beehive. ****  
** **

Kurt held Sebastian close and ran his free hand through his hair. Paul was right, it had been wise to remove the dogs. There is no way they’d have coped seeing this. Kurt himself was struggling. ****  
** **

"I’m sorry," Paul said as he doused the wound again. "But we’ve got to make sure it’s clean before I wrap it again." ****  
** **

"I know," Sebastian grunted. "But it really fucking hurts." ****  
** **

Paul nodded. "I know. I'll talk to the person responsible for this. This should _not_ have happened." ****  
** **

Kurt could tell that Paul was angry and frustrated, and was trying hard to stay calm about it. _But the person responsible_ , Kurt though bitterly, _was not someone on the hospital staff_... _it was whoever had crushed Sebastian's hand under his foot._ ****  
** **

Kurt hated that he hadn't even seen their faces. He had no outlet, no face to project his anger on, no one to look out for in a crowd to protect Sebastian or seek revenge. It was like invisible men had swooped in, hurt the one he loved, and vanished.  ****  
** **

"Ok, this is the best I can do," Paul concluded, tearing open a fresh roll of bandages to wrap Sebastian's hand up again. "I'm gonna make a call for the antibiotics and the extra painkillers now, and get someone to deliver them here. I can't give you any more antihistamines because they'll interfere with the morphine." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and nodded. He lifted his hand gingerly and looked at the fresh bandage. ****  
** **

"Thanks," he whispered tiredly. ****  
** **

"Are you sure you don’t want to go back to bed?" Kurt asked carefully. "I wouldn’t mind a little more sleep either…" ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. "You go. I think I’ll just...go and sit on the terrace for a bit." ****  
** **

Kurt sighed and got up. "Okay, suit yourself. Wake me up when you need me, though." ****  
** **

"Sure." Sebastian knew he wouldn’t. He already felt too much like a burden. They didn’t both need to lose out on sleep because his brain was messed up.  ****  
** **

Kurt probably knew he wouldn’t, too.  ****  
** **

He wondered how long it would take for his wounds to heal - and for him to be honest with Kurt again.


	14. Everyone’s Out To Get Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain and lack of proper rest are driving Sebastian up the wall.

Over the next few days Sebastian’s mood didn’t improve. If anything, it got worse.

His sleep was still plagued by confusing dreams - hands holding him down, his body immobilised and powerless. It was terrifying. He was tired _all_ the time, making him very susceptible to taking things the wrong way.

Paul was also still insisting on keeping Sebastian in the apartment. ‘Your brain needs time to heal’, was all he got when he tried to argue his point.

The morphine was helping with the pain, but his whole hand was still useless. His index and middle fingers were strapped together, making it difficult to use the other three fingers for anything - he could barely lift a sheet of toilet paper. It made Sebastian _feel_ useless and pathetic. He couldn’t help out around the house - he couldn’t even help _himself._ His left hand was clumsy and his wrist was beginning to feel strained by the unusually heavy use.

All of it was causing Sebastian to feel trapped and irritable. He kept losing his temper and snapping at everyone. At first he’d tried to stop it. It wasn’t _their_ fault he was an invalid, or that he was having crazy dreams like some kind of psycho.

But after almost three days with no sleep, his patience was wearing thin.

 _"_ _In my dreams, you come and get me. You take me by the hand and you lead me away. This life is too much for me to bear. I look at the key and I long for you and for the past. For the innocent, easy days before the war. I know now my scars will never h-"_ Kurt read aloud. He broke off and tried again, frowning at the French words on the page. " _Will never h-e-_ "

Sebastian sighed. _‘Will never heal’,_ he said annoyed.

Kurt had been reading to him for the last hour. _Sarah’s Key_ was one of Sebastian’s favourite books. The copy Kurt was reading from was dog-eared and worn so much from excessive use that the pages were taped together. Normally Sebastian didn’t mind listening to Kurt read. He didn’t even mind helping him with the harder words. But everything was annoying him recently and Kurt’s butchered attempt at reading his favourite book was grating on his nerves.

"Yes," Kurt said softly. "I'm sorry."

He understood how hard it was for Sebastian not to be able to read at his own pace, but focusing on the words still gave him a headache, and Paul said the strain would slow down the healing process. Kurt hesitated. "Do you...want to do something else?"

"Doesn’t really matter what I want to do, does it?" Sebastian bit back angrily. "You’ve all got me confined to this house like a prisoner. I can’t even take a shit without someone fucking hovering."

"Bas..." Kurt started, sighing. "There's no need to be so crass." He lowered the book. A loose page slipped out.

Sebastian sat up a little. "Oh, I’m sorry, _princess._ I forgot words like ‘taking a shit’ were too harsh for your delicate ears. Would you prefer it if I say ‘use the lavatory’?" He said the last phrase in a mock British accent. "Maybe I should ask Sam to help me brush up on my James Bond."

Kurt breathed in slowly, and put the book down on the couch. "Maybe you should," he said icily, getting up. "I need a coffee. I'll be back with your meds in a bit."

"Perhaps you should see if there’s any wet wipes in the kitchen so you really can wipe my ass," Sebastian called after him, crossing his arms over his chest and sinking so low into the sofa he thought it might swallow him whole. _At least if it did, it’d be a change of scenery,_ he thought bitterly.

"No thanks," Kurt said on his way out. "If I wanted to take care of a baby I would have married Blaine. Maybe you should check Craigslist and find yourself a daddy."

Sebastian felt a brief moment of pain before he scowled and stared at the black screen of the TV, ignoring his boyfriend.

Kurt stomped into the kitchen, too angry for words.

Marc and Paul looked at him curiously.

"Everything ok?" Marc asked carefully. They had both heard Kurt and Sebastian raise their voices. It wasn't the first time; none of them were used to living in such close quarters, even if the apartment was spacious.

"No, everything's _not_ ok," Kurt replied angrily. "I‘m sick and tired of Sebastian's self-pity!"

Marc bit his lip. It was true that their youngest house guest had been losing his temper more and more as lately, but he couldn’t help it. Marc figured he’d probably react the same way it’d it were him.

"What happened?" Marc asked carefully.

"Apparently my reading skills aren‘t worthy of him, and when I asked him if he wanted to do something else, he practically bit my fucking head off," Kurt said.

He glared over his shoulder. "I have put up with more than my share of shit over the years, I‘ll be damned if I get stuck like that again."

Both Marc and Paul looked at him with wide eyes. They’d never heard Kurt swear before.

"I have to say, it is wearing thin," Paul agreed. "I know he’s frustrated, but there’s no need to be rude. We’re not the ones who attacked him."

"I don’t think he’s sleeping well," Marc said quietly. "The last few mornings I’ve come out he was already sitting on the terrace with the dogs, looking like he had been there a while."

Kurt rubbed a hand over his face. "I know," he said. "But the way he‘s talking to me - and to you - it...reminds me of the way he talked to me back in school, long before we were together, and that wasn‘t exactly the happiest time of my life." Just like that, his anger had evaporated, and a lump had formed in his throat.

"He promised me he'd never do that again," he whispered. Tears were brimming up in his eyes.

"Kurt..." Marc started, but broke off when Paul rose from his seat.

"I'll talk to him," he said.

-

Sebastian had picked up on the conversation in the kitchen. He hadn’t been able to hear all of it but he thought he had gotten the gist. As Paul now walked into the living room, Sebastian addressed him in a stony voice.

"So you’ve actually decided to talk to my face now, have you?"

"I have," Paul replied. He sat down in a chair opposite to Sebastian and crossed his legs.

"Tell me about your level of exhaustion. Would you say 7 out of 10? 8? Have you been sleeping at all? Because my medical opinion is-" He paused. "You look like shit."

Sebastian scowled at him. "Gee, _thanks_."

Paul raised his eyebrow.

"I’m fine," Sebastian lied.

"Yeah. Then tell me why Kurt is crying in the kitchen," Paul asked neutrally. "Is that the way you treat him when you are _fine_?"

Sebastian swallowed and bit the inside of his lip.

"I can’t sleep," he finally said quietly. "I try, but it just doesn’t come." He left out the bit about the dreams.

Paul nodded. "That could be a side effect of the morphine. How's your pain? Do you think you can go a night without the pills?"

Sebastian shrugged. He didn’t know how his actual pain level was because the morphine was taking the pain away. But looking at Paul, he didn’t think a flippant answer would do him any good.

"I don’t know...maybe."

"Alright. We can try, and I can give you something to help you sleep as well. A combination of both might help."

Paul paused. "We are all trying to help you, Sebastian. We're not your prison guards."

Sebastian looked at the floor, feeling ashamed. "I know, I’m sorry."

Paul nodded and got up. "You should tell Kurt that too. But maybe after you've rested. I'll get you something to help you sleep."

Sebastian nodded and settled himself down on the sofa. He pulled his hood up over his head and lay down with his head pillowed on one of the thick throw cushions.

He really hoped that whatever Paul was going to give him would keep him asleep, and keep the dreams at bay.

"Here," Paul said quietly upon his return, handing Sebastian a pill and glass of water.

Sebastian briefly sat up to take them, then settled back into the couch. He closed his eyes and tried to give in to sleep. Paul stroked his head a little and pulled a blanket over him. "Sleep well, Seb," he said quietly.

-

_"Sebastian? Sebastian?"_

_Someone was calling his name. It sounded like they were on the other end of a long tunnel. Sebastian tried to open his eyes in response but the movement caused a wave of nausea to sweep over him and he stopped._

_"God, he’s really ill," someone else said in the distance. "Should we get matron?"_

_"He’s not ill, he’s hungover. You can smell the alcohol on him. If we get matron he’ll be in trouble."_

_"We can’t just leave him like this!"_

_"We’re not gonna leave him, Jeff. It’s Sunday, he has all day to recover and if he’s still not right tomorrow we can say he’s got a stomach bug."_

_"You’re cutting him a lot of slack, Thad. I say we turn him in before we all get caught out of bed. He’d do the same to us."_

_"No, Trent. He’s a Warbler, a misguided one maybe, but he’s a brother and we look after each other. Come on, help me lift him up."_

-

Sebastian woke up confused. He’d dreamt he was back at Dalton. It had felt so real that waking up in Marc and Paul’s living room disoriented him for a minute.

He looked around at his surroundings. It was dark outside, the lamps next to the sofa were casting a soft glow around the room and Kurt was curled up by his feet wrapped in a blanket, reading the book from earlier.

Sebastian felt a pang of guilt. He’d been awful to Kurt. "Hey," he whispered softly, preparing for the storm.

Kurt looked up from the book. "Hey, you're awake," he said. He had spent a while stewing over his anger in the kitchen, but eventually, the need to make sure Sebastian was ok and to be close to him had won out, and he had gone to sit with him while he slept.

Sebastian rubbed his eye and sat up slowly. "Mmm, how long was I asleep?" he asked. It had still been late morning when Paul had given him the pill.

Kurt checked his watch. "About ten hours. Marc and Paul just went to bed." He yawned and stretched his back. "We left some dinner for you if you want. Paul made lasagne."

He paused. "How's your hand?"

Sebastian looked at his hand. "It feels okay," he said honestly. Then, the words rushed out of his mouth. "I’m so sorry Kurt!" He felt something thick in the back of his throat. "I am so, so so-sorry, I didn’t mean any of it! I feel awful, please..."

Kurt looked at him for a moment. "I love you, Sebastian," he said simply. "But if you call me princess unironically one more time, I'm packing up my stuff and going home."

Sebastian closed his eyes and felt a pang in his heart. He nodded. "I know, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you so much Kurt, you’re the last person I want to push away."

He shuffled towards Kurt a little, wanting to be closer to him but unsure if he’d be allowed.

"You can call me some names too if makes you feel better?"

Kurt shook his head. "I don't want revenge, Bas. I want you to get better."

He sighed and took Sebastian's left hand. "Paul said you've been having trouble sleeping. I know what that does to anyone's mood in the long run. I understand. But if being with Blaine taught me anything - if _you_ taught me anything back then - it’s that I don't need to put up with everything that's thrown at me. I forgive you, but try to remember I am on _your_ side."

Sebastian swallowed and nodded, squeezing Kurt’s hand, afraid that if he didn’t hold on to it tightly, Kurt’d let go.

"You’re right, you’re so right! You _shouldn’t_ have to! I really am so sorry. I know you’re on my side. Of course I know that." He felt tears prickle in his eyes. "Please don’t give up on me," he whispered. "I can’t lose you, Kurt."

"Never," Kurt assured him, putting a hand on his cheek and leaning in to kiss his lips. "I might get mad sometimes, and I _will_ hold you accountable for yourself, but I will _never_ give up on you."

Sebastian let out a puff of air and kissed Kurt again, leaning into the touch. "I’m sorry," he whispered. "I love you so much, Kurt."

"I love you, too," Kurt replied. He was glad he stayed out on the couch with Sebastian rather than going to bed angry. They kissed again. Sebastian's lips were dry from sleeping, and Kurt ran his tongue over them. It sent a little shiver down his spine. He swallowed and moved in again, holding Sebastian's face a little tighter.

"You know," he whispered against Sebastian's lips, "I understand you're frustrated because you can't do the things you want to do because of your hand...but I can think of something that you can do hands-free that might cheer you up…?"

He moved away from Sebastian's lips and began kissing down his neck, hoping Sebastian would get the hint.

Sebastian felt a split second shock of panic and his eyes flew open as he remembered his dreams, but then Kurt’s teeth caught his earlobe and he shivered deliciously.

 _This was Kurt_ , he told himself. _Not some abstract dream or some handsy guy in a club._

He closed his eyes again and leant back against the back of the sofa, pulling Kurt with him. He tried to focus on the feeling of Kurt kissing his neck.

Kurt pushed off the blanket and straddled his boyfriend, kissing a path down his collarbone. He reached for the hem of Sebastian's sweater and pulled it up a little, running a hand up under it. Sebastian's skin felt warm and a little clammy, but he'd just been sleeping in a hoodie, with a blanket. Kurt didn't think he had a fever. If they kept the physical exertion low and he did all the work, he'd be okay, right?

Kurt wasn't sure he'd dare to ask Paul permission for _that._

Sebastian moved to accommodate Kurt and placed his hand gingerly on Kurt’s hip. He sucked his stomach in a little as Kurt stroked him. He felt his heartbeat quicken and hoped Kurt would think it was through arousal, not fear.

Kurt shifted a leg to move in between Sebastian's thighs, pushing them apart and running a hand up the inside of his leg. He felt Sebastian tremble a little. He looked up to Sebastian's face.

"I‘m not hurting you, am I?" he asked uncertainly.

Sebastian sucked in a breath and shook his head. "N-no," he gasped.

Kurt smiled and went back to kissing Sebastian’s neck. Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to surrender to the feeling, but as Kurt’s hand slid further up his leg he slapped it away reflexively.

Kurt sat up, pulling his hand back against his own chest. He looked at Sebastian with wide eyes. "Bas?" he asked softly. "Are you...okay?"

Sebastian froze, his eyes closed and his breathing was heavy. "No," he gasped in a whisper. "I’m sorry, I...I don’t think I c-can..."

For a moment, Kurt was confused. Then it hit him, and he covered his mouth with his hand, closing his eyes. How could he have been so _stupid?_ Sebastian had been assaulted; touched, _groped;_ his clothes torn. Not even Sebastian himself knew what exactly had happened. _Of_ course he didn't want this now.

Kurt slowly lowered his hand. "Of course. I'm so sorry, Bas. I didn't _think…_ I'm really sorry." He climbed off his boyfriend's lap, feeling horrible.

Sebastian closed his eyes and let his breathing calm down, reaching for Kurt’s hand. "I’m sorry, too," he whispered.

Kurt shook his head. "Don't. It's my fault, I should have known better." He paused. "It took me _a lot_ longer than a couple of days to stop feeling afraid every time I heard a locker slam around me."

He squeezed Sebastian's hand and brought his fingers up to his lips, lightly kissing his fingertips. "Please tell me these things. I messed up, but not on purpose, I swear. Tell me so I'll know what not to do."

Sebastian nodded and looked at him, "I didn’t know," he whispered. "I didn’t know that I couldn’t until just then, it’s not your fault."

He let out a frustrated cry. "I hate this! I hate it."

Kurt breathed in sharply, wincing. His heart broke seeing Sebastian like this. "We'll figure it out," he said softly, pushing down the heartache he felt to offer Sebastian a strong front. "You and me, okay?"

Sebastian nodded and let out a shaky breath. "Maybe we should just go to bed?" he said quietly. "I don’t really feel very hungry."

"Ok, sure," Kurt agreed. "Whatever you want. It might be best to try and settle into a regular sleeping schedule again, even if you already slept." He hesitated. "I could also sleep here, on the couch, if you… if that's easier for you?"

Sebastian looked at him as if he’d grown two heads. "No!" he said adamantly. "I want you with me, I need you." He stood up, untangling himself carefully from the blankets and held his hand out to Kurt. "Please?"

Kurt nodded, feeling more relieved than he could say. He wasn't sure he would have been able to take the rejection if Sebastian would have taken his offer. He took his hand and followed him to the guest room.

They got ready for bed in silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say to each other. Sebastian felt awful for pushing Kurt away, especially after the way he’d spoken that morning, but he couldn’t help it.

His thoughts drifted over the dreams and tried to piece them together, It felt like more than just a dream, like it was a memory...but surely he’d remember something like _that_.

 _But you don’t remember Satire either,_ a small voice said in argument in his ear. _So maybe something happened and you_ did _forget._

Sebastian sighed and climbed under the covers, automatically seeking out Kurt’s warmth.

He thought about the dream with the Warblers. That was the one that confused him most, odd though it seemed.

 _There was that one weekend though,_ the voice said again. _Back at the start, when you drank so much and had that awful night._

 _Yes_ , he said to himself. _Too many Long Islands, it made me ill. I had unprotected sex. I never made that mistake again. But that had just been a bad choice, hadn’t it?_ The sudden horror swept over him and he clutched the fabric of Kurt’s shirt, staring into the darkness with wide eyes.

"I'm here," Kurt whispered, gently easing Sebastian's grip on his shirt. "It's ok. Go to sleep." He kissed Sebastian's forehead. "I'm here."

-

_Sebastian was walking down a familiar marbled corridor. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Thad walking towards him. He looked angry. He started shouting in a demanding voice but Sebastian couldn’t make out the words._

_He turned and walked away from Thad, leaving him standing alone in the corridor._

_He walked through the large mahogany doors but rather than walking towards the grand stairwell, he found himself walking into Scandals. He frowned and looked behind him, expecting to see the Dalton corridors, but all he saw was the old fashion jukebox._

Sebastian rolled over in his sleep, a frown on his face.

_Sebastian looked around the club and saw someone trying to catch his eye. It was a handsome man in his early twenties. There were two drinks on the table in front of him and he was beckoning Sebastian over. As Sebastian walked passed the bar he caught his reflection in the mirror on the wall behind it. He was in his school uniform._

Sebastian huffed out a breath and kicked the duvet cover off him. In his dream, the scene changed again.

_He was in the bathroom. This time he recognised it. He was definitely at Scandals. The trousers of his school uniform lay under the sink. He looked down on his naked legs. Heavy hands on his shoulders started pushing him down._

_"No," he tried to say, but no sound would come out._

"No," Sebastian said into the darkness, twisting around the covers trying to get away. "No, leave me alone."

Kurt blinked, turning his head towards Sebastian. "Mmm...what?" he mumbled, groggy with sleep. "Did you say something, Bas?"

"Please, leave me alone," Sebastian whimpered.

Kurt swallowed. "Okay," he said softly, scooting to the side of the bed to give him more room. “I’m sorry.”

_Too many things happened at once. He was pushed and pulled; he choked and couldn’t breathe. He was cold and miserable, and his socks were wet._

Sebastian shivered in his sleep, curling in on himself as if to hide.

_Pain and terror intensified. It was too much._

Sebastian let out a blood curdling scream and flung his arms out wildly, trying to fight off his attackers. "No," he sobbed. "No, please." He screamed again.

" _Hey!_ " Kurt let out, unable to stop himself. Sebastian had pushed at him, nearly propelling him off the bed. He sat up. "What do you think-"

“NO!” Sebastian screamed.

Kurt's eyes widened. "Bas! Hey, baby, wake up," he urged, now understanding that Sebastian was having a nightmare. He reached over and put a hand on his arm, shaking him gently.

Sebastian shouted again, trying to push off Kurt’s hand. "No, let go, I want to go home," he sobbed. " _Mamie, I want to come home."_

A light turned on in the hall and the sound of barking echoed through the house. The bedroom door opened and Marc and Paul came hurrying in, both clearly having just woken up. With the light pouring in from the hallway, they took in the scene in front of them.

Sebastian, thrashing around on the bed, drenched in sweat, still asleep and screaming. Kurt was trying to wake up him, tears in his own eyes.

Paul shut the door to keep the dogs out and switched the light on, using the dimmer switch to keep it as low as possible.

Marc walked forwards. He knelt by the side of the bed and started to stroke Sebastian’s hair, trying to wake him up too.

_The person behind him pulled away and he fell down, down down._

_Now he was in Satire, being pulled from the bar. Hands were groping him, nails scratching. Sebastian struggled, but there was too many of them._

"Don't touch him," Paul warned. "It's not a nightmare, it's night terror. You'll frighten him more."

Marc and Kurt looked at Paul like he had lost his mind. "He's terrified," Kurt protested. "We have to wake him!" Sebastian was no longer thrashing around, but instead had hunched in on himself, quietly whimpering.

"You _can't._ It's a different stage of sleep. He'll wake up on his own."

Sebastian whimpered again and curled into a tighter ball.

Marc reluctantly removed his hands and, after a moment so did Kurt.

_Red lights flashed brightly. The hands tugging and pulling at Sebastian released him and he crashed to the floor._

"Ah!" he yelled sitting up right, his eyes wide and looking around furiously.

"Seb, it's ok," Marc said. "It's us. You're safe."

Remembering Sebastian's spells in the hospital, Kurt repeated the same in French, just to make sure. He didn't dare touch him again.

Sebastian was breathing heavily, sharp heaving breaths.

"Easy, Seb. You’re okay," Paul said calmly. "Just breathe, son."

Sebastian looked around for the voice and found Paul. They locked eyes and he held the contact.

"That’s it, nice easy breaths, in...and out." Paul repeated the chant softly and Sebastian focused on it, matching his breath with Paul’s words.

Kurt closed his eyes, finding himself breathing along in the same rhythm. One look at Marc told him he was doing the same.

"Okay," Paul said. "Do you know where you are?"

Sebastian looked at Paul and then glanced around, "I’m at your apartment," he said quietly. "Kurt-" he looked around in search of his boyfriend.

"I'm here," Kurt said. "It's okay." He didn't know what else to say - Sebastian did not _look_ okay. But at least he was awake now.

Sebastian reached out his hand looking for Kurt.

Kurt took it, entwining their fingers. "It was just a dream, Bas," he said softly.

Sebastian closed his eyes and swallowed, shaking his head. "No, it wasn’t," he whispered, tears welling in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian let out a shaky breath and let go of Kurt’s hand. He drew his knees close to his chest and hugged them.

"Back when I was at Dalton...there was a night after Sectionals, when I went out..." He didn’t look at any of them, just focused on a spot on the bed. "I-I never remembered anything from that night, just that I was ill for days after. I always just thought I’d had too much to drink and partied a little too hard...but..." his voice trailed off.

The others sat and looked at each other in horror, hoping against hope that Sebastian wouldn’t say what they thought he was going to.

"...I think I was raped," he whispered.


	15. Scandals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to Ohio, after Sebastian has just moved from France.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of this chapter will contain graphic descriptions of rape of a minor. We have added spacer lines so the parts can be read separately, but if you’d rather have a summary of this chapter for the plot, please scroll down and leave a comment, or contact us on tumblr. 
> 
> Alternatively, if you need a little break from the drama or a pick-me-up after reading this, we’ve posted the first chapter of a fun little AU adventure featuring Sebastian, Kurt, Brody and Alex called ‘Four Men and a Little Lady’ :)

**Ohio, December 2011** ****  
** **

"Sebastian, you can't just walk out of a Warbler meeting!" Thad called after Sebastian. He was still standing in the doorway to the choir room, watching the navy-clad back of their newest member with disdain. "We have to talk about what happened at Sectionals." ****  
** **

"What's there to talk about? How we were a _joke_? We got through on a technicality and that's because half the rival choir were made up of student teachers...We tanked that performance and you know it!" ****  
** **

"It was the first time we've performed without Blaine, it threw us off…" Thad replied, already looking a little less sure of himself. ****  
** **

Sebastian briefly closed his eyes, then gave Thad a hard look. "Anderson...fucking Anderson. You all harp on about him as if he's God's gift to music...but you realise that you never _actually_ won a competition with him, don't you...so really, how 'lucky' is he?" ****  
** **

Thad bit his lip. "You don't understand…" ****  
** **

"You're right. I don't!" Sebastian stared at the boy in front of him and shook his head. "If you actually listened to me and trusted me...I could make us great! We don't have to stick to a boring, two step side-shuffle! If you let me teach you guys some moves, we could really be in with a chance!" ****  
** **

"That's...that's not how we do things." ****  
** **

"Well how _you_ do things hasn't really worked for you the last decade, has it?"  ** **  
****

Thad bit his lip, still hesitant. ****  
** **

"Forget it." Sebastian turned around and stomped away from Thad, ignoring the calls of his name. ****  
** **

He stormed through the corridors towards the dormitories. Once he was in his room, he picked up a pillow from his bed and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and slumped to the floor. ****  
** **

He was sick and tired of this, it wasn't fair! He didn't belong here. He belonged in Paris with his _real_ friends and his _own_ room and...he let out a cry and threw himself face first onto his bed, screaming in frustration. ****  
** **

His phone dinged in his pocket and he froze, rolling over defeatedly on to his side. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. The first notification was a whatsapp message from Blaine; a picture of him pulling a stupid face that was probably supposed to be flirtatious. Sebastian deleted it. He was so _done_. ****  
** **

Another message popped up and this one made him smirk. His frustration at being stuck in Ohio seeped out of him. ****  
** **

**From Chad (16:42)**

**Hey Killer, will I be seeing you tonight? ;)** ****  
** **

Sebastian felt butterflies flutter in his stomach. He'd met Chad a few weeks ago at Scandals. It was the only gay club within the Dalton bus route, and to his delight, they didn't care if your ID was real or not. Chad was older, smoking hot and had taken interest in him right away. ****  
** **

He looked at the message again. He liked the nickname the older man had given him. It made him feel special. He had started using it on Blaine, hoping it would lend him some of that 'experienced' charm. He smiled and typed a reply. ****  
** **

**To Chad (16:43)**

**If you're lucky ;)** ****  
** **

The reply was instantaneous. ****  
** **

**From Chad (16:43)**

**Maybe tonight** **_you'll_ ** **get lucky ;p** ****  
** **

The butterflies fluttered in his stomach again. Despite the things he'd told everyone, Sebastian had never actually had full-on sex. He'd fooled around with guys, but it was mainly just quick hand jobs in the locker room or the showers at Dalton. There had been that one blow job at Scandals that made him see stars - with the 'man of his dreams' he'd told Kurt and Blaine about, but that was as far as he'd gone with a guy.  ****  
** **

Tonight though, hopefully, that might change. Ever since he'd met Chad, he'd hoped it would be him. There was just something about him that intrigued Sebastian. And from what he'd gathered in their many dance sessions, Chad was packing below. The thought made Sebastian's knees weak. ****  
** **

It was with excited nerves therefore that he sent back a wink emoji, hoping it would look enthusiastic enough to show he was interested, but not _too_ interested. He placed the phone on his bedside table and rolled on to his back, staring at the ceiling, unable to keep the excited grin off his face. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

It was a little after ten when Sebastian finally got to the club - he'd had to wait until the RA had done his rounds before he could sneak out. He'd almost missed the last bus. ****  
** **

As he walked into the bar, he saw Chad sitting at a table, a drink already set out for Sebastian in front of him. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and walked over to the table, sitting down in the chair next to Chad. "Hey," he said with a grin. "Sorry I'm late." ****  
** **

"I thought you were going to stand me up, Killer," Chad said, sliding Sebastian his drink and leaning in to kiss him. Sebastian sighed happily into the kiss for a moment before pulling away and reaching for his drink. ****  
** **

"What's this?" he asked, taking a sip. ****  
** **

"Long Island Iced Tea, you like?" Chad rested his arm along the back of Sebastian's chair and ran his finger up Sebastian's back. ****  
** **

"Hmm." Sebastian hummed happily, shivering a little at Chad's touch. His drink tasted like a flat coke with a bitter after-taste and wasn't actually that good, but it was free and he wasn't about to complain. ****  
** **

"Who's this, Chad?" someone asked, taking one of the seats opposite them. A couple of other guys sat down too, the last one dragging a chair over from another table and sitting on it back to front facing the end of the table. ****  
** **

"Guys, this is Sebastian. Killer, these are Bob, Tyrell and Vinnie, friends of mine from work." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at them all a little nervously and waved awkwardly. "Hi," he said. ****  
** **

Two of them looked friendly enough, but the man called Bob took one look at Sebastian and frowned. "Where did you pick this guy up, Chad? The _playground_? He's like, twelve." ****  
** **

Tyrell and Vinnie snorted. ****  
** **

Sebastian sat up. "I am not!" he said defensively. "I'm - _eighteen_!"  ****  
** **

Bob rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. And I'm one of Santa's magical reindeer." ****  
** **

"You're hairy enough," Tyrell commented, punching him in the shoulder. ****  
** **

"Hey, at least I _shave_ ," Bob grunted. "Unlike this kid here." ****  
** **

"Guys, come on," Chad said, putting an arm around Sebastian. "If you can't be nice to my new friend you can all take a hike." He squeezed his hand around Sebastian's arm and leaned in close. ****  
** **

"Bob's an asshole, just ignore him. He has a tiny little dick and is always making up for it somehow," he whispered, his breath tickling Sebastian's ear.  ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed and relaxed into Chad's touch. He shivered a little as goosebumps raised on his neck. ****  
** **

Chad slid Sebastian's drink closer to him. "Let's just drink and dance…" he whispered again. ****  
** **

"Okay," Sebastian replied, taking his drink and sipping it through the straw. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

A while later, Sebastian and Chad were on the dance floor. Sebastian had his back pressed up close to Chad and the older man was moving them sensually to the music. He _really_ knew how to dance. ****  
** **

As the song changed, Chad took up Sebastian's hand and spun him around so they were chest to chest. He placed his hands low on Sebastian's hips and pulled the boy closer. "Are you having fun, Killer?" he whispered into Sebastian's neck.  ****  
** **

"Yes." Sebastian shivered, his hands gripping tight to Chad's shoulders. "Your friends are...interesting." ****  
** **

"They're harmless really, but if they make you feel uncomfortable we can ditch them."  ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and glanced over at the three men. Tyrell smiled and waved at him. He was kind of hot. "No...it's okay, I just like being here with you." ****  
** **

"Me too," Chad replied. "Though I could also use another drink. It's very hot in here...or maybe that's just _you_." ****  
** **

Sebastian smirked and batted his eyes at Chad. ****  
** **

"Either way, it's making me _very_ thirsty," Chad added. His eyes glittered in the lights of the dance floor. "Can I get you another one too?" ****  
** **

Sebastian glanced at their table. He was already feeling his drink. He wasn't sure what exactly went into a Long Island Iced Tea, but his legs felt heavy and his head started to feel slightly fuzzy.  ****  
** **

He wasn't used to drinking alcohol - the stories he had told Blaine were mostly just made up. His _grandfather_ drank Courvoisier, and sometimes he'd get a sip. Still, if he ordered a coke now, Bob the asshole would surely make fun of him.  ****  
** **

"Maybe just another tea?" he suggested, hoping it would sound interesting. ****  
** **

"From Long Island?" Chad replied, grinning.  ****  
** **

"Yeah…"  ****  
** **

"You got it. I'll be right back."  ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded and spun on his heels, choosing for a little solo dance rather than going to sit with the others on his own. He hoped they were watching and envying Chad very much. He knew he was easily the youngest and most attractive person in this bar, and it was all for Chad. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"What do you say, Killer... Do you wanna come to the back with me?" ****  
** **

Chad's voice was low in his ear, and Sebastian had to concentrate hard to understand him. Half of his second drink was still in his glass, yet he felt drunker than he ever had before. He was trying hard not to let it show. This was it. It was the moment, and he was not gonna let it pass him by. He nodded, his vision briefly going out of focus. "Yeah," he said, hoping his lopsided smile would compensate for it. ****  
** **

"Have you ever had an audience before?" Chad whispered. ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned. His mind went to the Warblers, and further back - music recitals, plays. "Wh- what? Yeah…sure," he mumbled. ****  
** **

"Really? Wow...Then you won't mind if my friends watch?" Chad asked. "I think it'd be really hot. _I_ have never done that before, but if you're okay with it…" ****  
** **

Sebastian's brain caught up and he blushed. An audience...for _sex_? He briefly panicked, but put on a brave smile. "Sure. Whatever. No videos, though," he added the last on an afterthought, hoping it sounded experienced, like guys would offer to film him all the time. He sometimes secretly wondered if he had what it took to be a porn star. He knew he was hot enough. ****  
** **

Chad smirked. "Of course not. Come on then…" ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded and let Chad lead him into the bathroom. It was bright in there. The artificial light blinded him as he entered the room and he swayed a little. Chad laughed affectionately and wrapped and arm around him. "Easy there, Killer."  ****  
** **

"S-sorry," Sebastian slurred a little. "It's bright…" ****  
** **

"We can do something about that," Tyrell said kindly, flicking the switch on the bathroom wall. The light went out and the only light source in the room came from the spotlights above the mirror. "Better?"  ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. He noticed Bob was still looking slightly disapproving, and it was making him feel edgy. ****  
** **

"Just look at me, okay?" Chad whispered, kissing his cheek. "Forget about those jerks. It's just us. They're only here to watch the door." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. He wished his grandfather could see him now.

****

*****

*****

*****

****

Chad took Sebastian's face in his hands and drew him into a long kiss that took Sebastian's breath away. When he pulled back for air, Sebastian's mind went blank and he swayed again, his vision going black.  ****  
** **

"Wh-" ****  
** **

"I got you," Chad said, gently coaxing him around. "Hold on to the sink." ****  
** **

Sebastian took his advice, gripping the sink with both hands to hold himself steady. The world swayed some more, then came back into focus. He breathed through his nose. The bathroom smelled of piss and stale alcohol. He looked down. Chad was undoing his jeans. It was weird to see another pair of hands do that. They were like his own, but different. Sebastian watched them, mesmerised, as they pulled his jeans and his underwear down his thighs. He was half-hard, and Chad began stroking him. Sebastian closed his eyes. ****  
** **

Not sure how much time had passed, Sebastian felt Chad's fingers push into him. He sighed and tried to relax. He'd been trying to touch himself like that and practise in the semi-privacy of his shared dorm room, but it was something else now that it was another hand doing it. He was definitely hard now, and he pushed back a little. Chad whispered encouragements in his ear. ****  
** **

He winced as Chad pulled away, his back suddenly feeling cold and exposed. He glanced over his shoulder. Chad's friends were still there, watching. Bob had his hand down his own pants and was touching himself. Sebastian turned his head away to not have to look at him.  ****  
** **

"I'm just getting a condom," Chad explained. "That's ok, right?" ****  
** **

"Uh...yes. Yes, please," Sebastian replied, and he could hear someone chuckle. Probably Bob.  ****  
** **

Anticipation made it feel like forever, but at least, Chad returned to him, put a hand on his hip, and started pushing himself in. Sebastian automatically bent forward, trying to relieve the pressure. It hurt and he curled in a little. ****  
** **

"Shhh...it's ok," Chad reassured him. "You can take it. You're doing great." ****  
** **

Sebastian was taking deep breaths that were making his head spin. He closed his eyes. It'd get better. It had to. Under Chad's encouragement, he tried to relax, letting himself hang forward. Chad was stroking him again and the repetitive push and pull was luring him into a half-slumber of pleasure. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

What could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, Sebastian came round. He was sitting on a toilet seat. The door of the stall was open. He could see his jeans and underwear lying under the sink. He was still wearing his socks. They were wet. Someone was kneeling in front of him. He vaguely wondered where his shoes were. The toilet seat was cold under his skin and he tried to get up. A pair of hands on his shoulders held him in place. ****  
** **

"Easy, kid," Bob said. Sebastian frowned at the sound of his voice. "We got you." ****  
** **

"Such a pretty cock..." That was Tyrell and _oh..._ that was Tyrell's mouth on him. What was going on? Where was Chad?  ****  
** **

Sebastian looked around and saw Chad standing back, leaning against the outside wall of the stall, looking in. He smiled reassuringly at Sebastian. Sebastian tried to smile back. It _did_ feel pretty good - better than what Chad had been doing, actually. And Tyrell was hot...maybe this was just his lucky night. He let his legs fall open. ****  
** **

"Pretty mouth too," Vinnie said, running his finger along Sebastian's lips. "Wanna open it for me, boy?" ****  
** **

As he opened his mouth to speak, Vinnie pressed his thumb in as far as it would go, keeping his jaw open. The next thing Sebastian knew there was something hot and heavy on his tongue, forcing its way into his mouth. He gagged a little as he felt the head of Vinnie's cock hit the back of his throat. He tried to pull away but the hands on his shoulders kept him in place. ****  
** **

"Now now, you're getting some, it's only fair that we get some too," Bob said in his ear.  ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes tightly and sought out the numb darkness of the alcohol consciously this time, letting it pull him under. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

When Sebastian came round again he was being held up against the wall, face smushed into the cold tiles. There was a hand in his hair, pulling tight, and someone was pounding hard and fast into him. Vaguely, he could hear a stream of moans and noise echoing off the tiles. It took him a moment to realise they were coming from his own mouth. A hand moved to cover it. The hand smelt foul and Sebastian gagged, feeling the bile rise up his throat. ****  
** **

"Ugh, the little fag threw up on me." ****  
** **

The person behind him buried himself deep and pulled Sebastian's hips back into him. The hot heavy pants on the back of Sebastian's neck made his skin crawl. He could hear nothing but the sound of skin slapping against skin, sticking and unsticking. His back was cold and clammy with sweat. Other pairs of hands replaced the ones on his hips, gripping tightly. It felt like it would never end.

Finally, he was released. He slumped forwards into the cold wall and sunk to his knees, completely spent.He heard jeers and laughter around him but he paid them no notice. He lay down on the floor, curled up, and let sleep claim him.  ****  
****

 

-

"Kid, hey kid, you gotta get up."  ****  
** **

There was someone shaking him awake. Sebastian blinked his eyes open and winced against the harsh light. He was back in the bar, his half-finished drink and a few beer bottles on the table in front of him. Sebastian looked down at his body and noticed that he had his clothes on. Even his shoes. ****  
** **

"W-" ****  
** **

"It's closing time and I wanna get home." ****  
** **

Home. "Yeah. Okay," Sebastian mumbled, getting to his feet. He winced as he felt a sharp sting in his gut and something ran down the inside of his pant leg. Sebastian's stomach rolled. ****  
** **

"I got a cab waiting for you outside, you can't drive like this."  ****  
** **

Sebastian half nodded, not really registering the man's words. He couldn't drive at all yet, but now might not be the time to point that out. ****  
** **

He was steered out of the club. If the bar owner suspected what had just gone down, he didn't let on; either for his own conscience's sake or to avoid police attention.   ****  
** **

Sebastian breathed in the cold winter air, and felt it was about the only clean thing about himself. He somehow made it into the taxi and rested his head back into the leather seat. ****  
** **

"Where to, kid?"  ****  
** **

"Home," he whispered, thinking of his warm comfortable bed at his grandparents' house. "I want to go home." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

When Sebastian woke up, the first thing that hit him was the stench of sick and sweat. A fresh wave of bile rose up in his throat and he leant up to throw up over the side of his bed. This seemed to have been anticipated, as there were newspapers and towels spread out on the floor. ****  
** **

"Easy," someone said soothingly. They rubbed his back as he heaved and then settled him back against the pillows gently. A cold flannel was pressed against his forehead and Sebastian opened his eyes. It was Nick. ****  
** **

"Wh-" ****  
** **

"Dude," Nick said quietly. "What the hell were you thinking?" ****  
** **

"I-I don't…" ****  
** **

"I know you lived the high life back in France, but you're in Ohio now, man…this stuff could get you expelled."  ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes.  ****  
** **

"How much did you drink?" Nick asked, managing to sound awed and disapproving at the same time. ****  
** **

"I don't remember," Sebastian croaked.  ****  
** **

"Here," Nick said handing Sebastian a bottle of water with a straw. "Small sips." Sebastian did as he was told and let the cold liquid soothe his sore throat. ****  
** **

"What happened?" Sebastian asked confused. ****  
** **

"You went out Saturday night after Sectionals, drank way too much and turned up Sunday morning like this. You were in and out of it all day. We were all really worried." ****  
** **

"All day?" Sebastian mumbled. Sunlight was streaming through the window. "What day is it now?"  ****  
** **

"Dude, it's Monday. Classes have just ended. We all took turns sitting with you. I skipped English, Thad ditched Maths, Jeff sat with you through PE...Trent didn't want to skip class but he had a free hour before Science." ****  
** **

Sebastian blanched. " _Monday_? How can it be Monday?" He had lost 2 days.  ****  
** **

"You...don't you remember?" ****  
** **

Sebastian tried to think back, but the last thing he remembered clearly was sitting down at the table with Chad. His body was sore, and deep inside he had an inkling of what must have happened, but he shook his head. He looked up at Nick. ****  
** **

"I don't remember anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a lot out of us, and for a long time we kept it in a backstory file and were going to show only Sebastian's nightmares. However, to clarify what happened, we decided to post it. We hope the warnings were sufficient. If you feel troubled, please reach out. You are not alone.


	16. Day One (Everyone’s Out To Get Me, Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The scene where Sebastian wakes up from his night terrors, continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with us; We're sorry it's been so heavy, but now the healing begins.

Everyone in the room sat in shocked silence as Sebastian told them the bits he remembered from that night and the morning after. Kurt had tears in his eyes, Marc's face was as white as the bed sheets and Paul looked like he was going to be sick.

Sebastian shook as he finished his story. He told them that it had been coming back in flashes since the attack at Satire and that was one of the reasons he hadn’t been sleeping.

"I think they drugged me," he said looking at Paul.

Paul cleared his throat and shook his head a little, as if reminding himself that he had a job to do.

"You um-” he coughed. “Said you felt sick for days...longer than, um - a bad hangover?"

Sebastian nodded.

"Fever? Vomiting?"

Sebastian nodded again.

Kurt listened to them as if he was caught in a nightmare himself. He wasn't sure he fully understood what Sebastian was saying. He couldn't help his mind flashing to the times they had sex together; times _he_ had pinned Sebastian against the bed. That _had_ been consensual, hadn't it?

"Did you have trouble breathing? Tightness in your chest?" Paul continued. “Did the drink itself taste bitter? Was it cloudy or clear?”

"I don't-I don’t know," Sebastian ran his hands through his hair and winced as he felt how sweaty he was. "I wish I remembered..." he whispered. "Or maybe I wish I could forget again..."

"This wasn’t your fault, Sebastian," Marc said quietly.

"But how could I just forget something like this!" Sebastian protested, feeling frustrated.

Paul shook his head. "There are several drugs out there that cause anterograde amnesia. Rohypnol, in sufficient dosage, combined with alcohol, or GHB..." He stopped, realising Sebastian wasn't in a state to listen.

Marc got up and took Paul aside. "Can't this just be a bad nightmare?" he asked, keeping his voice down. "I mean, this anti- antero- the amnesia...why would it suddenly go away?"

Paul looked at his husband. He could tell Marc was clinging to a last thread of hope, and he was loathe to destroy it.

"The mind," he started carefully, "is still...mostly a mystery to science. We know it is capable of blocking the access to memories, blanking them out after trauma, especially in younger-"

He broke off, swallowing down the revulsion he felt knowing how young Sebastian had been when it happened. He forced himself to continue.

"In _children_. Whether those memories can be accessed again, through suggestion, hypnosis, triggers...it's an ongoing debate. Some say it's a fabrication of the mind, others..." Paul shook his head. "There have been cases where children remember things they couldn't have possibly made up."

Marc closed his eyes. _Children._ Sebastian had been underage when this had happened. A _child,_ who had been an adult's responsibility, and the adults in his life had given up on him. Marc wanted their blood.

"With Sebastian...the shock of the attack at Satire, the fear of what was threatening to happen - maybe even the literal impact on his brain, could have unlocked repressed memories. The details and repetitive nature of his dreams-" Paul continued.

He looked at Marc's crestfallen expression and saw the darkness flicker behind his husband's eyes. He knew what he was thinking.

"As much as I wish I could tell you it is impossible, I am afraid we must assume that these are actual memories," he finished.

"Oh god," Marc let out, covering his face with his hands. Paul wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Sebastian heard Marc and Paul talking but didn't really take in what they were saying. The realisation of what had happened to him kept circling around his mind. Saying it out loud had made it real. He rested his head on his knees and stared into the empty space in front of him. He suddenly felt extremely dirty, contaminated.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to Kurt.

Kurt, who had been torn between listening to Paul and focusing on Sebastian, looked at him in wonder.

"No, Bas...you couldn't have known," he said. "It's not your fault."

Paul hugged Marc close for a moment longer, and then let go. He straightened himself and turned to Sebastian.

"I suggest we go into the hospital tomorrow and get you tested."

Kurt blinked. "Can you still test if he was drugged?" he asked.

"No," Paul replied, sounding faintly irritated. "We're about four years too late for that. I meant for STDs, anything that could have remained dormant-"

Sebastian shook his head. "I'm clean," he said quietly. "After that night...even though I didn’t remember everything, I think I knew I'd had sex. There was...evidence...and I was in pain for days." He swallowed the bile in his throat and fought the urge to run to the shower and scrub himself raw. "I just put it down to a bad experience, got tested and have been checked over every three months since."

A fleeting look of surprise crossed Paul's face. Then he nodded in approval. "That was very responsible of you," he said.

Something about that didn't sit well with Kurt. Was he implying he found the rest of Sebastian‘s behaviour _irresponsible?_

Marc glared at his husband but didn't say anything.

Kurt rubbed Sebastian's back, feeling helpless.

Sebastian closed his eyes and pulled away from the touch. He didn't want to contaminate Kurt too.

Kurt withdrew his hand, stung, and let it fall to the bed behind Sebastian.

"I, um," Sebastian said standing up. "Can I shower? I'm covered in drying sweat."

"Of course!" Marc said, focusing his attention back on Sebastian. "I'll get you some clean sheets for the bed too." Marc turned and headed for the door. He looked back and saw Paul staring after Sebastian as he retreated into the en-suite. Marc coughed. "Paul, why don't we give the boys some space?"

"But Seb-"

"I'm sure Kurt can manage for a few minutes. _Now_ , Paul."

Paul frowned at his husband but followed him from the room. Poppy and Lola jumped on them both as they emerged, desperate to go in and see Sebastian.

Marc ushered them away and walked down the hall into their bedroom. He opened the wooden chest at the foot of the bed and started sorting through bed sheets and duvet covers.

Paul followed slowly, focusing on his feet as he walked. _One step in front of the other,_ he said to himself. _They need you._

He closed the door behind him and looked down at Marc. He knew he should say something, find some words of comfort...He should be doing something constructive, to _fix_ this, but he came up blank.

"Marc," he whispered.

Marc looked up at him with such a steely expression that Paul took a step backwards.

"What-" Paul let out.

"What the _hell_ is your problem?" Marc hissed angrily.

"Wh- I don't understa-"

 _" You_ don't understand? _You?"_ Marc stood up and turned to face him. "Why are you treating Sebastian like he's just another patient?"

Paul felt what little colour he had left drain from his face.

"He's _not_ your patient! He's our s-" Marc cut off, unable to say the word out loud without breaking completely. "All week you've been treating him like some insolent kid on the ward who won't listen to you. Harping on about _science_ and quoting a bunch of medical jargon as if any of us actually understand what you're saying." He felt a lump form in the back of his throat but pushed through, afraid that if he gave in he would drown under shock and sadness.

Paul blinked and felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"We've just found out that he was r-" Marc broke off again, feeling sick. "That he was _hurt._ And you're drilling him, trying to get a _diagnosis_ out of him-" he stopped talking, unable to continue.

To his astonishment, it was Paul who broke down first. He suddenly squeezed his eyes closed tightly and covered them with his hand. His shoulders shook with quiet sobs.

"What else am I supposed to do, Marc?" he asked brokenly. "It's the only thing I _can_ do." He lowered his hand and shook his head. "It's the only way I know how to cope with this."

Marc looked at his husband in shock. He could count the number of times he'd seen Paul cry on one hand. He was usually so strong and steady.

Paul looked back at his husband. "You know I never wanted children. I work with sick kids all day. Most of the time we can save them...but sometimes we can't. I see parents go out of their minds with worry and grief. I see it every day and I never wanted to have to deal with that myself." He shook his head. "I knew I wasn’t strong enough."

"But somehow we ended up with a son, and I love him. But we found him too late and now…" Paul choked on a sob. "He tells us-" he broke off and sucked in a deep breath, releasing it shakily.

"Those other parents, they get to _practise,"_ he added desperately. “They start with lost toys. Scraped knees. Things that can be kissed better!"

He gave Marc a helpless look. "I don't know how to help him with this, Marc. At least with his hand, I knew how to fix it. But I can't fix _this_. He's not a child anymore. I can't pretend to put magic in his IV and promise that he'll get better - I don't know what to _do._ "

Marc stepped forwards and wrapped his arms around his husband, his anger forgotten. Paul wrapped his arms around Marc and buried his face into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Paul whispered. “I just wish...we could have taken him in _then_ , right after he came from Paris, then none of this would have happened-"

"Shh," Marc soothed, his face scrunched up as he felt his own tears roll down his face. "I know. Me too. But how could we have known? We don't even know anyone in Ohio. You can't think like that." He let out a deep sigh. “He's safe now, he's here with us and he's safe. We'll protect him."

"It's too late," Paul let out. "Too little, too late."

He clung to Marc. He knew what they usually did. Tests. Statements. Psych evaluation. Therapy. And then _nothing_. It wasn't enough. Nothing short of time travel would be enough.

Marc held him and choked out a sob. "I know, but we have to try," he whispered. "He has us, and his friends, and Kurt. He's not alone anymore, and he’ll never be alone again. He... _we_ will get through this, all of us together."

Paul nodded. He took a deep breath and stepped out of his husband's arms, taking his hand instead. "I'll try to be more...fatherly," he promised. "It's just hard. I am afraid of making a mistake."

Marc shook his head and stroked Paul's cheek with the back of his free hand. "This is new territory for me too," he said quietly. "I never saw myself as a father...and when we met Seb, I had no idea he’d become what he has to us. I’m just as clueless as you."

He closed his eyes. "I have _no_ idea where to even begin on putting this right, and it might not happen for a long time...but we'll get through it the way we do everything else..."

Paul nodded and kissed Marc's hand. "Together."

-

As they made their way back to the guest room, fresh sheets folded over Paul's arm, it had gone quiet. Poppy and Lola rose to their paws from their position in front of the door. Both instinctively sought out their favourite human. Lola nudged Paul's palm, her ears drooping. Marc put his hand on Poppy's head. Her tail was between her legs and she whined plaintively.

 _Maybe_ , Marc mused, _they had been parents longer than they realised._

Paul knocked, waited a moment, then opened the door. Sebastian was out of the shower and was curled into himself, his head resting in Kurt's lap. They were awake, but silent. Words were falling short to describe their thoughts.

The dogs left their owners' sides to lie by Kurt and Sebastian. Poppy licked Sebastian's face, as if to test if he was still responsive.

Sebastian glanced at Poppy and reached a hand up to stroke her head. She settled down next to him, her body laying out along the length of his. He wrapped his arm around her and and she whined sadly, licking him again.

Lola sat next to Kurt and put her nose against his cheek, licking him softly before taking up a similar position to her sister, her head resting over Kurt's lap next to Sebastian's.

Paul swallowed hard at the sight. He cleared his throat.

"Seb, I'm..." He broke off and tried again. "I have clean sheets, if you want to change them and...I could get you something to sleep, if you want," he said, looking like that wasn't what he had been planning to say. "I think some more sleep would be good for all of us."

Sebastian moved his eyes to look at Paul, "I-" his voice came out hoarse so he cleared his throat. "I don't think-" he broke off again.

If he slept, he'd dream again and now that he knew his dreams were actually memories, he _really_ didn't want them.

He reeled closer to Kurt and tightened his grip on Poppy. "I'll be okay," he said finally. "Thank you."

"I can stay up with him for a bit," Kurt assured Paul. "Maybe we'll read some more." He rested his hand on Sebastian's shoulder.

Marc nodded. "Good night, then. Call us if you need anything."

"We will," Kurt said.

Paul placed the sheets on top of the chest of drawers and took Marc's hand. They both looked at the boys for a moment before backing out of the room and closing the door behind them.

Kurt looked down on his boyfriend. "You want to change the sheets?"

Sebastian thought about it and shook his head. Now that he'd showered he didn’t feel quite so dirty, and he was comfortable in Kurt's lap.

"Okay, shall I give _Sarah's Key_ another try?" Kurt asked softly.

Sebastian thought about it. "Yes please," He said quietly. "But not if you have to move to get the book...."

"Modern technology," Kurt mused. "The world's libraries are at our fingertips." He reached for his phone, and settled back, determined to get his pronunciation right this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Day one, day one, start over again._  
>  _Step one, step one, I'm barely making sense._  
>  _For now, I'm faking it_  
>  _'till I'm pseudo making it_  
>  _From scratch, begin again."_  
>   
>  Not As We - Alanis Morisette  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tto1fB8p0  
> 


	17. Touch Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Sebastian’s revelation, his friends come to visit him.

Marc rubbed his eyes tiredly as he waited for the espresso machine to stop hissing. After the mid-night interlude, none of them had gotten much sleep and they were all suffering this morning.

Sebastian had taken himself on to the terrace. Marc glanced out at him, feeling helpless. One look at Kurt, who sat at the breakfast bar, and Paul who was making pancakes, told him that they felt the same way.

A loud buzzing sound startled them all.

"Who on Earth is that?" Paul asked, looking at his watch.

Kurt looked up. He had gotten dressed, but only halfheartedly, simply slipping into yesterday's clothes and leaving his watch and accessories on the nightstand. To look at the time, he checked his phone instead. He blinked as he saw two reminders of their appointment with Alice, Steph and the guys.

"It's probably our friends," he told Marc. Kurt glanced over his shoulder towards the terrace. "I'm not sure..." he mumbled, hesitating.

"I'll ask him," Marc said quietly, squeezing Kurt’s shoulder as he walked passed.

He walked across the living room and popped his head out of the door. "Seb," Marc said quietly. "Your friends are here, do you want to see them? I can turn them away if not."

Sebastian looked up at Marc with wide eyes. He'd completely forgotten about their friends coming over. The thought of trying to be social caused panic to rise inside him.

"It's okay," Marc said, seeing the look in Sebastian’s eyes. "Maybe another day?"

Sebastian relaxed and nodded his head silently.

Marc passed Kurt on the way to the door and softly shook his head. Kurt got up to see Sebastian, making sure he was okay.

Marc walked into the hallway. He steeled himself for a moment before opening the door. The expectant and excited looks of the gang caused a pang in his chest.

"I'm sorry guys, now is not a good time," Marc said apologetically.

"It's _always_ a good time for cheesecake!" Alex said, holding up a large box.

"And board games?" Alice tried.

Marc sighed. "I'm sorry, he's very tired."

"We'll let him win!" Alex offered.

Marc briefly smiled, but shook his head.

"Can I just go for a quick round in the pool then?" Alex asked.

Brody put a hand on his shoulder, activating the Alex-mute-button.  "Is Kurt there?" he asked.

Marc hesitated and looked at the curious faces of the group in front of him.

"Is everything okay?" Steph asked.

"Wait here," Marc said softly, not answering her question. "I'll see if Kurt can come to the door."

He backed away and closed the door gently, making his way over to the terrace.

"Kurt, they want to see you, if you're up for it."

Kurt looked at Sebastian.

Sebastian shrugged.

Kurt's heart twinged. He could tell Sebastian was trying hard not to care, but it was clear he was disappointed.

"I'll tell them we’ll see them another day," Kurt offered, at the same time as Sebastian said "Don't tell them."

Sebastian paused. "I mean-"

"I won't," Kurt promised. He leaned over and softly kissed Sebastian's cheek. "I love you," he whispered, and went to see their friends.

-

When Marc had left, the group of friends looked at each other, varying looks of concern on their faces.

Kurt emerged a few minutes later. It was clear from the look on his face that something had changed since their visit of three days ago.

"Kurt!" Steph said stepping forward, "what happened? Is everything okay?"

Kurt pressed his lips together, looking troubled. "Sebastian had a rough night," he said quietly.

"Looks like you did too," Brody said gently.

Kurt looked at him, brought his hands up to hug his own arms, and nodded.

"Is he OK...are _you_ OK?" Alice asked, desperately wanting to hug him but fearing that one touch might make him collapse.

Kurt slowly shook his head. He looked away and shrugged. _He_ was okay; physically, anyway.

"Kurt, what _happened_?" Steph asked, sounding worried.

Kurt knew he had to tell his friends _something_. "The wound on Sebastian's hand is infected. It's very painful and a side-effect of the painkillers is insomnia."

They all winced.

"Is there anything we can do? Anything you need?" Steph asked. “Shall we make a run to the drugstore?”

"We're all here for you man," Brody said.

"Yeah!" Alex agreed.

Kurt shook his head again. "Paul is helping him. He's getting antibiotics, it's-"

He looked at them. He had promised he wouldn't tell, but he couldn't purposely mislead them either. "It's not just his hand."

He paused. "What happened at Satire triggered memories for him. Something from...when he just moved here, that he'd repressed. It's...come back to him now and it's like everything's happened all over again and I-"

Kurt broke off, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Oh god," Alice whispered, covering her mouth with her hand. She knew there were parts of Sebastian's past that she didn’t know about. He had told her how different he had been back then, how angry and hurting. Putting one and one together, she wondered if the fight at Satire maybe reminded him of some kind of conflict back then. Had he picked a fight and hurt someone? Had someone hurt him? _Please don't let him have been bashed_ , she thought fervently.

"D-did you know?" she asked, "what happened back then?"

She reached behind her for Brody and felt him wrap his arm around her.

"No," Kurt whispered. "He told us last night."

"Did it...change how you feel?" Alice asked softly. She knew they'd had a rocky past before meeting again in New York.

Kurt looked at her, and the intensity in his eyes made her back up into Brody's arms.

"Absolutely not," he said, unwavering. Then, his expression crumbled. "But I think...it's changed for him," he added in a whisper.

Steph stepped away from the group, pushed up on to her tip toes and wrapped her arms around Kurt firmly.

"He loves you Kurt," she whispered. "Nothing will ever change that. Whatever this is, however bad it seems, he _will_ get through it. You both will."

 _Yeah, but how?_ Kurt thought desperately. Sebastian couldn't even _sleep._ The night before, Kurt had read to him for hours until he finally fell into a half-sleep around dawn, only to wake up as soon as the dogs stirred for their morning walk. Since then, he'd been on the terrace, staring out at the city below them.

"I can’t help him," he confessed quietly into Steph's hair. "I don’t know how."

Steph held him tighter, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly she felt two more arms circle around the both of them. The height of the person told her it was Alex. Then two more sets appeared around them as Alice and Brody moved in too.

"I guess we just have to give him time," Brody said quietly. "But you know where we are if you need anything."

Just then the door opened and Paul appeared. He saw the group hugging Kurt and felt something tighten in his chest. He coughed quietly. "Um, Kurt," he said softly. "Sorry to disturb you, but Sebastian is asking for you."

"Okay," Kurt said, pulling himself together. He wiped at his eyes and looked at his friends. "I need to..." he started.

Alex thrust the box he was holding into his hands. "Take the cheesecake," he said gruffly. "You need it more than we do."

"Thanks," Kurt choked out, gave them a last look, and turned to hurry to Sebastian.

Paul looked at the group sadly. "I’m sorry guys, maybe try again in a few days. The boys will be in touch."

-

Kurt walked out onto the terrace and noticed Sebastian looked a little more alert than before. He hoped that was a good sign.

"Alex got us cheesecake," he said, offering Sebastian a small smile.

Sebastian looked at the box and offered Kurt a smile. "Were they mad?" he asked, his smile slipping.

Kurt shook his head. "Of course not. They're _worried_ , not mad."

He sat down next to his boyfriend, putting the box down. "Did you want me for something?"

Sebastian nodded and licked his lips. "I’ve been going over what I remember, again and again..." he said.

He noticed the worried look on Kurt’s face and ploughed on. "About the drugs... I know it doesn’t matter anymore what they gave me, but it frustrates me that I can’t really answer Paul’s questions. I told you the Warblers looked after me while I was sick. I was thinking one of them might remember something. Nick was my roommate, he might be able to help fill in a few of the blanks. Maybe...I even told him something that I don’t remember now. I could ask him if he remembers anything."

Kurt nodded. "Yes, that's a good idea."

Facing his memories felt like a step forward. Kurt couldn't imagine what it had to be like not knowing what happened. He figured, if it was him, he'd want to know too.

"I guess we could contact him through Facebook?" he suggested.

Sebastian shook his head and pulled his phone out of the pocket of his hoodie. "I have Nick's number."

After his birthday video, he’d messaged the Warblers on Facebook to say thank you and Nick and a couple of the others had responded. They'd switched numbers so they could stay in better contact.

"Stay with me?" Sebastian asked as his finger hovered over Nick’s number. He felt Kurt wrap his arm around him and, leaning in to the touch, he hit dial.

"Nick," he said when the former Warbler answered. "It's Sebastian."

"Hey, man, what's up!" Nick said pleasantly.

Kurt looked out over the city, not for the first time wondering where all their old classmates were now; what they were doing, and if they were happy.

Sebastian put Nick on speaker. "Kurt’s here too, I’ve put you on speaker."

"Hi Nick," Kurt said softly.

"Hey man, is everything okay?"

"Umm, no not really," Sebastian said quietly. "Look, I know it seems a bit  random, but I'm hoping you can help. Do you remember back in Junior year, that weekend I was really ill after a night out?"

Nick was quiet for a moment. "Yes," he said finally, clearing his throat. "Yes, I remember that."

Sebastian looked at Kurt and swallowed. "D-do you mind, telling me _what_ you remember? How sick was I? Did I say anything or..." he trailed off. "I don't remember and I think I need to."

"Uh...okay. Um...you come home late that night. I was already asleep, but I woke up when you came in. I asked where you'd been, but you didn't say anything. You just lay down on your bed. I figured you were still angry at us about Sectionals so I tried to go back to sleep, but then you started throwing up…"

Kurt swallowed, tightening his arm around Sebastian.

"I didn't know what to do. I mean, you were drunk off your mind and you might have been expelled if someone caught you like that. So I went and got Thad and the others. We, uh...got you cleaned up as well as we could, and then sort of took shifts watching you..." Nick paused. "I was afraid you might choke if we just let you sleep unattended…"

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said honestly. "I um...I've talked to a doctor, and, in retrospect, we think my drink was spiked."

" _Spiked_? Like...drugged?" The shock in Nicks voice was clear. "Dude…"

"What happened after that?" Sebastian asked, not keen on divulging more information about the night's events.

"In the morning, you had a fever. You'd be asleep and then wake up in a panic, and you were saying things...I couldn't understand, you were speaking French and it was very slurred...I asked Trent but he said he didn't understand either." Nick paused again. "Shit, we really messed up, didn't we?" he asked quietly. "We should have called the police or something...but I thought it was just booze, I mean, you talked about that a lot-"

Sebastian bit his lip. He _had_ talked about it a lot, making up stories, hoping it would make him sound cool. "I did. None of that was true, but it was an easy assumption to make. I was an ass. I don’t blame you, Nick," he said quietly. "I blame the guys who did it."

"The guys...?" Nick repeated hoarsely. "What...I mean, do you know why...did you like...get robbed?" He sounded almost a little hopeful, like he expected the answer to be different but still hoped it would be less bad.

Sebastian closed his eyes and leaned further into Kurt. "No...I didn't get robbed," he said.

It was quiet for a moment. "I'm really sorry, Sebastian," Nick offered. "I really didn't think...The next day, when you started feeling better and being awake for longer stints, I asked you what happened, and you said you couldn't remember. I guess we all just...filed it under a party gone a little overboard."

Sebastian nodded. "So did I, I guess," he admitted. "Honestly Nick, it's not your fault...I’m just glad that you looked after me. But now I'm trying to piece together the events of that weekend, and my brain is sending me conflicting messages…"

"I understand. That must be hard," Nick said quietly. "Maybe Trent can tell you more?" He paused. "You, um...seemed a bit angry with him that week. You told me not to talk to him about you."

Sebastian swallowed. He remembered telling Trent to back off after the boy had halfheartedly tried to lecture him on the dangers of alcohol poisoning.

"Yeah. Do you have his number?"

"I think so. I can send it to you."

"Thanks Nick." Sebastian paused. "Nick...Do me a favour?"

"Anything, Seb."

"Please don't mention this to anyone...I-"

"I won't," Nick said immediately. "I didn't tell anyone then and I won't now. Warbler's honour."

Kurt smiled softly.

"Sebastian," Nick continued, "If there's anything...if you need to talk...you can call me, okay?"

Sebastian smiled and closed his eyes. "Thanks Nick, I will. Say hi to Jeff for us."

"I will. We should arrange something soon! It's been ages since we caught up and it'll be great to see you again too, Kurt."

"Yes, I'd like that, we'll be in touch...when things settle down," Kurt said. "Bye, Nick."

Sebastian hung up. Kurt looked at him. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Sebastian nodded sadly. "I remember Trent trying to talk to me..." he said quietly. "He was a pain in the ass back then and...we did _not_ get on. When he started questioning me, it sounded so patronising and accusatory that I just shut him down...big mistake apparently."

Kurt bit his lip. "You don't have to talk to him again if you don't want to," he said. "Do you think he'd tell _me_?"

Kurt wanted desperately to be of help.

Sebastian shrugged. He really didn't want to have to talk to Trent if he could help it, but he also wanted answers. "He did always like you..." he said.

Kurt pressed his lips together. "He liked _Blaine._ I was just the side-effect." 

Sebastian's phone buzzed. Nick had sent him Trent's contact. Sebastian looked down on the number resignedly. "I should probably do it myself." He pressed dial and waited, feeling giddy.

"Hello?"

"Hi Trent...It's Sebastian."

"... _Smythe_?" Trent asked. His voice went up a little. Sebastian confirmed, and it was quiet on Trent's side for a moment. "What...why...I mean, hi."

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you out of the blue. I hope every is okay with you?" Sebastian asked politely.

"Yeah..um, things are good, thanks...Wh-what can I do for you?"

Sebastian swallowed. "Umm...you know that weekend in Junior year after Sectionals, when I was really ill? I talked to Nick about it, and he said you might have picked up some of the stuff I talked about in my sleep...I was just wondering um...if you remembered what I said?"

-

" _Please, don't. No more. I feel sick. I want to go home."_

"What's he saying?"

"I have no idea."

"Me neither. I only take Spanish and Latin."

"Trent, you take French! What's he saying?"

" _I just want to go home...let me go, please. I won't tell anyone. Please, you're hurting me."_

Trent swallowed hard and looked at the others, shaking his head a little. "I...I don't know," he lied. "It's just gibberish...He’s sick...It's a nightmare or something."

-

"I'm...not sure I could ever forget," Trent said quietly. "But you told me not to talk to you about it anymore."

Sebastian closed his eyes and leaned into Kurt. He put the phone on speaker and held it out between them.

"I know and I'm sorry...I was awful to everyone back then. You helped me out and I bit your head off. I’m so sorry..." He swallowed, working up the courage. "Umm, do-do you mind telling me now? What you remember?"

"Are you...is this - I'm not in trouble, am I?” Trent asked, sounding wary.

Sebastian frowned. "No, of course not!" He took a deep breath and spoke again, hoping to keep the irritation out of his voice. "I just want-" He shook his head and swallowed. " I am trying to find out what happened that night and I n-need some help putting the pieces together...I..." He broke off and looked at Kurt helplessly.

"Hey Trent, it's Kurt. I'm here with Sebastian," Kurt added. "It's OK, we're not trying to set you up."

"Kurt, I'm sorry," Trent stuttered, "but after what happened with Hunter, I just..." He trailed off. "You two are a couple now, huh?"

Kurt closed his eyes briefly, trying to stay calm. "Yes, we are. Look, Trent. It's really like Sebastian says. He wants to find out what happened that night and you might have some missing information for us. It won't have any consequences for you. Please…if you remember anything, tell us."

They heard some shuffling on the other side of the line. "Okay," Trent said softly. "Um... Nick woke us all up that night. You were throwing up… _a lot!_ "

Kurt made an impatient gesture with his hand, but remained quiet as Trent talked them through what Nick had already told them. Then Trent's narrative arrived at the time he spent alone with Sebastian, watching over him.

"You were talking in your sleep...or in your nightmares, I don't know- It was...pretty dark. At first, it was mostly just...you, begging someone to stop. A lot. You said they were hurting you, and you wanted to go home. I tried to wake you, but you'd fight me off when I tried and you were a lot stronger than me, even though you were sick," Trent explained, talking fast. He paused. "At some point, you...cried and like...pleaded down. You knew they weren't going to stop so you were asking them to use condoms."

Sebastian’s mouth hung open and he almost dropped his phone. It really had happened.

He looked at Kurt. His boyfriend looked like he felt.

"Then, you just...cried and asked for your...I don't know. Your mom? Your-"

"Grandmother," Kurt whispered, having heard that too the night before. He cleared his throat. "Sebastian grew up with his grandparents."

Trent was silent for a while, though they could hear he was holding his breath and letting it out in short gasps. It sounded like he was crying.

"I am so sorry, Sebastian," he finally choked out. "I knew what had happened and I kept it from the others on purpose. I guess a part of me felt...I don’t know. Vindicated. I know now that was wrong! But at the time...you were always talking down to us, making us sound small and provincial and nothing we did was ever good enough, cool enough, in your eyes. You were always bragging about your drinking and all the guys you had sex with…I guess I thought-" Trent broke off.

"That I deserved it," Sebastian finished, feeling hollow.

"Yes," Trent confessed, sounding very small. "But I don't think that way any more! Please, you have to believe me!" he begged. "There were so many times I thought about talking to you about it, but...I was so... _afraid._ It overwhelmed me. I didn't know what to do so when you told me to leave it alone, I...I did."

Sebastian wiped his cheek with the back of his hand, catching a tear that had rolled down from his eye.

He pulled away from Kurt and stood up, walking to the edge of the terrace and back again. It felt like he wasn't even himself. It all felt like some elaborate dream - nightmare - that he was looking down on from above.

Why had he'd been such a dick in school? Making up stories, keeping the others at a distance, artificially sustaining his homesickness instead of accepting the reality of Ohio. If he had been nicer to Trent...to all of the Warblers, he would have found out what had happened sooner. Or maybe he wouldn't even have felt the need to go to Scandals at all.

"I was wrong, Sebastian," Trent said urgently. "I was jealous and intimidated and insecure, and I just didn't-"

"It's OK, Trent," Sebastian said quietly. "Th-thank you for telling me now. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I was a jerk to everyone. I had a lot of personal problems back then, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You all helped me. You might even have saved my life...I-" he broke off unsure of what else to say. He couldn't even imagine how his father would have reacted if he had been expelled from the expensive boarding school for underage drinking. "It’s OK..."

"No, it's not," Trent said. "And I need to live with that regret."

Kurt steeled his heart. "Was that all you remember, Trent? Did he mention any other names?"

He heard the sharp intake of breath.

"Nothing. Just what I told you...over and over."

Kurt nodded in resignation. "Okay. Thank you, Tr-"

"Sebastian?" Trent interrupted him. "I really mean it. I was wrong about you, and I deeply, sincerely apologise for that...I hope...you and Kurt will be happy together."

Sebastian stared at his phone for a moment and then looked at Kurt. "Thank you, Trent," he said quietly. "Thank you for telling us this...I um...Nick mentioned getting together for a catch up sometime. Maybe...maybe we should get a couple of the others too, if you're up for it?"

"Yeah...yeah that'd be good," Trent replied, and although he sounded hesitant, Kurt felt it was genuine.

They hung up, and Kurt looked up at Sebastian. This was likely as close as they were going to get to finding out what had happened.

"Do you want to call any of the others?" Kurt asked carefully.

Sebastian frowned a little and shrugged. "I don't know..." he said quietly. "It won't change anything."

"I guess not," Kurt agreed.

Sebastian sighed.

"How can I help you?" Kurt whispered.

Sebastian shrugged again. It was hard to describe exactly what he was thinking or feeling. He felt numb, like _ice_.

"Oh! I know what we need," Kurt said in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Cheesecake!"

Sebastian huffed a little and felt some of the ice start to melt. He wasn't sure if he'd feel hungry ever again, but he appreciated the thought behind it.

-

They found Paul lounging on the sofa, eyes staring blankly at a film on the TV. Lola sat on the floor in front of him, her head resting on the seat next to Paul's outstretched leg.

"Hey," he said softly as they approached. Sebastian sank into the seat next to Paul and stroked Lola's head.

"Do you want some cheesecake?" Kurt offered.

Paul shook his head. Kurt looked at Sebastian. He shook 'no' as well. Kurt sighed and sat next to his boyfriend. His natural instinct was to wrap his arm around Sebastian, but he wasn't sure Sebastian was in the mood for it.

He settled for taking his boyfriend's hand.

"Marc's gone for a nap," Paul explained. He looked over the faces of the two boys. "I think you both should too."

Sebastian froze.

Kurt noticed how tightly he suddenly gripped his hand, and looked at him. "I'll wake you if you have a nightmare again," he promised.

Paul looked at Sebastian too, contemplating his options. "I can give you something to help you sleep," he finally offered. He didn't want Sebastian to start relying on pills if there was a way to avoid it, but after the night before, he understood why Sebastian wasn't eager to subject himself to that again. Until his body was rested, maybe his mind needed a bit of chemical help.

Sebastian looked at Paul as he spoke and bit his lip. He knew if he didn’t sleep he could make himself seriously ill, but what if the dreams came back?

"W-will it be possible to wake me up if I _do_ have a nightmare, even with the pills?" he asked. If he was under the influence of drugs they might not be able to.

"Well, there's always the cold shower," Paul said with a neutral expression, and Kurt wasn't quite sure if he was serious until he smiled. "It's just something to help your mind relax. It will not affect your body as such."

Just to make sure, Kurt softly added: "No one will think less of you if you give yourself a little break, Bas."

Sebastian sighed and nodded. "Promise you'll wake me up though!" He looked at Kurt pleadingly.

"I will," Kurt said. "I'll be there the whole time, Bas." He wished he could do more, but he could not go back in time.

Paul nodded and got up to get Sebastian the pills.

When Paul returned with a small cup holding the sleeping pill and a glass of water, Sebastian stood, took them from him with a small "thanks", and he and Kurt headed into their room.

Sebastian stripped down to his underwear and slid under the covers. They had been changed since the night before. Hopefully he would not sweat through them again. He swallowed the pill with some of the water and rolled on to his side to look at Kurt as he too got into bed.

"I'm scared," he whispered.

"I know. Me too," Kurt said softly. He longed to reach out and hug his boyfriend, but decided against it, remembering how Sebastian had reacted to being touched in his sleep. If they fell asleep like this, it might make the dreams worse. "I'll read for a bit until you're asleep," he offered.

Sebastian nodded, silently relieved that Kurt was giving him his space. Trent's words were swimming around his head. _You were always bragging about your drinking and all the guys you had sex with…I guess I thought you deserved it._

He _had_ been a provocative little shit. Maybe he _had_ led the guys on. Hadn't he gone out that night looking for sex? He'd gotten what he wanted…

Sebastian shivered and felt bile rise in his throat.

He rolled away from Kurt as he started to read and closed his eyes against the tears that prickled behind them. After a few minutes with the intrusive thoughts swimming around his mind, he drifted off to sleep.

-

Kurt sighed in his sleep, tightening his arm around Sebastian and pressing his face against the nape of his neck.

Something shook him awake. It took Kurt a moment to notice what was going on. Sebastian was writhing in his arms, and he was crying. In his sleep.

Kurt grabbed his shoulder and shook him softly, whispering his name. It didn't work. He shook harder. Sebastian whimpered.

Suddenly Kurt understood. His body was slotted against Sebastian's, and his touch was adding to Sebastian's nightmares. _Again_. As carefully as he could, Kurt pulled his arm out from underneath Sebastian and shifted away on the mattress. He adjusted his sleep shorts, feeling angry with his body for adding to Sebastian's misery.

As Kurt moved away, Sebastian stilled instantly, sighing deeply, his breathing becoming regular again. Kurt knew what he had to do.

He got up and took one of the extra pillows Marc had left for them to choose from, placing it between the two of them in bed. He had promised to watch over his boyfriend, and he would not break that promise by leaving. But he had to protect him from what his body wanted in his sleep.

He lay back down, feeling guilty and awkward as he turned his back on the love of his life.


	18. Strangers In The Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of them mean so well - but Kurt and Sebastian are no longer on the same wavelength.

When Sebastian woke up, the room was bathed in warm sunlight and he realised he'd slept through the night. No nightmares. _Maybe the chat with Nick and Trent was a good thing_ , he thought. _Closure, of some kind._

As his brain woke up and he took on his surroundings, he heard Kurt behind him. His soft breathing with the occasional snore made him smile. Even in sleep, Kurt was adorable. In the light of day and after the first peaceful night he'd had all week, Sebastian felt a little more human. He rolled over to look at his boyfriend properly, but was met instead by a pillow.

He frowned. Kurt had his back to him and was fast asleep, a pillow wedged between them. Sebastian suddenly felt like he'd been doused with cold water.

_He doesn't want to be near me when we sleep. That's why he said he wanted to read...he wanted to build a wedge between us without hurting my feelings._

Sebastian knew he shouldn't feel surprised. Hadn't he turned away from Kurt's touch himself last night?

Knowing it was unfair and irrational, Sebastian could not suppress his disappointment. Yes, he had turned away, but shouldn't Kurt be able to look beyond that? Wasn't it his job to break through the walls and see that what Sebastian really needed was his support? Instead, Kurt had accepted it and kept his distance. Didn't he know him at all?

Swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth, Sebastian rolled over and reached for his phone, hoping to distract himself from the pain of his heart breaking.

-

Kurt woke up by himself. Sebastian's side of the bed was empty, and the dogs were gone. He hoped he hadn't slept through another of Sebastian's nightmares, but every time he'd been awake in the night after the first time, Sebastian had been sleeping peacefully. Maybe it had really just been his touch that had triggered him.

He got dressed and went into the kitchen, glancing at what had become Sebastian's seat outside on the terrace. It was empty.

"Paul and Seb went for a walk with the girls," Marc said, looking up from his tablet. He was sitting on the couch, his bare feet crossed in front of him on the coffee table. He sat up and put his iPad away. "Are you okay? Shall I make us some coffee?"

"Uh...yeah. Yes, thank you," Kurt replied. He hesitated. "Did you see him before they left? How was he?"

"Seb? He looked pretty good," Marc mused, getting up. "Like he finally slept. He said he felt ok, too. He sounded well enough to convince Paul to take him along."

Kurt nodded to himself. "That's good."

"Did you have to wake him?" Marc asked. "Seb said he couldn't remember having any nightmares."

Kurt shook his head. "No...at some point I thought that maybe he was dreaming, but...then he calmed again without waking up." He couldn't bear to tell Marc he had caused it. "Don't tell him, though. If he doesn't remember, it's probably better that way."

"Yeah," Marc agreed. He sighed. "I feel so bad for him. I wish there was something we could do."

Kurt pressed his lips together in a thin smile. "You're already doing it, Marc. All of this-" He gestured at their place. "It's a lot more than he had when it happened. I know it doesn't change anything, but...maybe it'll be easier for him to deal with this now, here, with us, than it was back then on his own."

"Which is why his mind blocked it off, I guess," Marc said gloomily.

"Yes."

The sound of the front door opening pulled their focus and they looked towards the door. Two dogs preceded the humans into the room, both seeking out their water bowls. Marc smiled fondly at them.

Sebastian walked into the room and smiled at his boyfriend and Marc. "Morning," he said softly. Kurt turning away from him at night still stung a bit, but the walk had cleared his head a little and, deep down he knew he didn't blame Kurt. No matter what, the sight of him would always bring a smile to Sebastian's face. "How did you sleep?" he asked.

"Okay," Kurt replied, his conscience plaguing him a little. "How about you?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Better. I don't feel as spaced out..."

"Sleep will do that to you," Paul said, walking in behind him.

"How's your hand?" Marc asked, pouring out more coffee.

Sebastian flexed his hand a little and nodded. "Better, too. The itching has stopped, though it aches a bit.”

"The infection is on the decline," Paul commented. "Sleep will have helped with that, too."

"I'm glad," Kurt said, relieved that Sebastian really did seem to be doing a little better. "Do you want breakfast?"

"Yes please," Sebastian said, feeling hungry for the first time in days.

"Sit down both of you, I'll make it," Marc said already opening the fridge.

Sebastian sat down next to Kurt, hoping that was still okay. Kurt leaned over and kissed his cheek, startling him.

"I need to lay off the pancakes, Marc," Kurt said conversationally as he saw what Marc was taking out of the fridge. "I'll just have some eggs. NYADA will start up soon and I need to start sugar-detoxing."

"You know that's a fad, right?" Paul remarked casually. "There's no such thing as a detox-"

"Paul, remember how we talked about unsolicited medical opinions?" Marc said.

"Not over breakfast," Paul said dutifully.

"Not over breakfast," Marc confirmed.

Kurt smirked. "It's okay, Paul. I know what I'm doing." He wanted to say more, but was interrupted by his phone. He took it out and glanced at the display. It was Isabelle. Kurt frowned and denied the call.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's Isabelle,” Kurt said, waving his hand. "She can wait, I'm not working."

A few moments later, it rang again. His boss probably thought he had closed the call by accident.

Sebastian nodded at his phone. "It's okay," he offered. "I don't mind."

Kurt bit his lip, looking at Sebastian. After two more rings, he picked up.

"Kurt? Hey, it's me. I'm sorry for calling you on Saturday, but it got so late at the office yesterday I didn't find the time. How's Sebastian?" Isabelle asked, sounding genuine.

"Better, thank you," Kurt said, his eyes still on Sebastian. He offered his boyfriend a small smile.

"I'm glad to hear that," Isabelle said. "Look, I don't want to pressure you, but I was just wondering if you were going to come in on Monday. I mean, it's okay if you're not, everyone will understand! I just...I could really use your help. Tristan is driving me insane…"

Kurt sighed. "Yeah. No. I don't think so…" he trailed off. "I think I need more time. Maybe another week…? I don't know. It's hard to say."

Sebastian listened to Kurt's half of the conversation and frowned a little. From the sounds of things, Kurt was needed back at work, but was refusing. He kept throwing Sebastian furtive looks.

 _He's trying to spare my feelings_ , Sebastian thought. _He wants to go back but doesn't think I'm well enough to be on my own._ Sebastian sighed. He didn't want to hold Kurt back, all that would do was cause resentment. In fact, convincing Kurt to go back to work would be a valid way for Sebastian to give Kurt the space he needed.

Kurt hung up and Marc gave him a curious look. "Another life or death situation in the fashion world?" he asked.

Kurt shrugged. "It's just busy. The fall/winter layouts are due and the SF office is putting pressure on her again. But she knows I can't, right now."

"You could go in, you know,” Sebastian said. "I don't mind...you're clearly missed."

Kurt pressed his lips together and shifted in his seat. "I don't want to. Not now. I mean, you can't work yet and school hasn't started back up...I'd rather keep you company."

 _Even if my company makes it worse at night_ , Kurt added sadly in his mind.

 _It didn't look like you wanted my company last night,_ Sebastian thought sceptically. "Only if you're sure, I don't wanna hold you back."

Kurt smiled softly. "Hanging out with the man I love won't ever hold me back."

Marc let out a deep, sentimental sigh. Kurt blinked and sat up, suddenly reminded that Marc and Paul were listening in.

"Don't mind me," Marc said hurriedly, busying himself with breakfast. He glanced at Paul, who was smirking at him. “Shut up," Marc mumbled.

"I wasn't going to say anything," Paul said, looking very amused.

Kurt looked back at Sebastian. "What do you want to do today?" he asked. "We could go to the park?"

Sebastian blinked a little. He had still been mulling over Kurt's words. Did he really still love him, or was that just something he said in front of Marc and Paul? Still, _something_ was keeping him here, even if he didn't want to be close to him while they slept.

"I...the park was starting to get busy when we headed back...summer is almost over, everyone's gonna go there now." He felt pathetic for saying it, but crowds made him nervous.

"Oh, okay," Kurt said agreeably. "We'll think of something else then." He didn't mind staying in. He should probably be more worried about getting back into shape for NYADA, but at the moment, all he cared about was being there for Sebastian.

"You could take the girls for their haircut. The pet salon is not far, just a few blocks," Marc suggested. He smiled at them. "Or get yourselves one, get pampered a little. I know a good address for a barber shop as well. Paul loves it there."

“That's true. They're amazing," Paul agreed. “They do a great shave, too."

Sebastian sighed. He did _need_ a haircut, it was getting far too long.

"I guess we could," he said. "Maybe a bit later? The walk outside has...my head hurts a little...can we go later?" He avoided Paul's scrutinising medical gaze.

"Sure! Whatever you want," Kurt agreed again immediately. "Do you want to lie down? Or I could read you something…"

Sebastian shook his head. He got that Kurt was trying to help, but it didn’t compute with the distant behaviour he’d displayed the night before. Either Kurt wanted to be there with Sebastian...or he didn’t. Watching him mold himself into whatever he thought Sebastian needed was confusing and also reminded him too much of what Kurt had done for Blaine. He was agreeing to everything, letting him dictate their entire day. Sebastian didn't want to do that to him. That wasn't love - it was self-effacement. Kurt deserved better than that.   

"I might just go sit on the terrace," he stood up and picked up his coffee, suddenly wanting to be alone.

Kurt watched him go. After a moment, he rose to his feet, but stopped as he felt Marc's hand on his arm.

"He'll come back to you," Marc said. "Just give him time."

Kurt felt a weight settle down on his stomach, pressing just hard enough to make him feel nauseous. _Time_. He didn't want to give Sebastian time...he wanted to make him feel better _now_.

Sebastian waited at the balcony. The desire to be alone had faded as soon as he was outside, and he had been ready to turn back and throw himself at Kurt's feet, begging him to stay with him - but something was holding him back. He was afraid of asking more than Kurt was willing to give.

 _It has to be enough like this_ , he told himself. _I can get used to this. It is still better than losing Kurt entirely._ He vowed to give Kurt more space and take up less of his time, to show him he could get by on his own.

Kurt didn't come after him, and Sebastian told himself it was okay.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NB: Sorry the last few chapters have been heavy, they are on the road to recovery but it's a process.
> 
> Also, just a friendly reminder that the title of the fic is _Glad You Stayed_ ;)


	19. New York's Finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is time for Sebastian to give his statement at the police station.

"Thanks for driving us, Marc," Kurt said again as they arrived at the police station.

It was still early, and the idea of going into the crowded subway during rush-hour had made Sebastian very nervous. Marc had offered to drive them, as he still had to give his statement too. He wasn't sure how much use it was going to be, considering he hadn't actually seen anything happen, but he would do anything that might lead to finding Sebastian's attackers and help him feel a little safer again.

Kurt took hold of Sebastian's hand. They'd gone over it a few times - Sebastian still couldn't remember much that could identify anyone, but his statement was needed for the bar's insurance and the reports. "Just...tell them what you know," he said. "Paul has already given them information about your condition."

Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment and squeezed Kurt's hand, focusing on his breathing as he tried to stem his nerves. Despite the change in their relationship, it was a relief to know that Kurt would still support him when he really needed it.

Then, he opened his eyes, squared his shoulders and dropped Kurt's hand. "Okay," he said, "I'm ready." He led the way across the underground parking lot towards the stairs.

Kurt and Marc followed. Kurt was a little anxious too, but he was trying to keep it in. It wouldn't help Sebastian if he flaked out now.

They were given a number and were told to wait. After a few minutes, their number was up and an officer came to collect Sebastian. Another called in Marc and then Kurt.

"Did you recognise any of the individuals?" the female officer asked Kurt as they sat down in a small office room that smelled like second-hand smoke.

Kurt shook his head."I hardly saw them. It went so fast..."

"Do you know of a reason someone might have to attack your colleague - your _boyfriend,_ isn't he?"

"He is," Kurt replied, not sure how to interpret the police officer's neutral tone. "Um, I guess they just wanted...I don't know, I don't think it was personal, if that's what you mean."

The officer looked down on her notes. "No relationship drama? Exes?"

Kurt was a little taken aback. _Blaine?_ For a moment, he paused. He wouldn't. He _couldn't!_ For all the jealousy and anger his ex might hold against Sebastian, it hardly seemed like his style to hire others to do his dirty work. He wouldn't give up the chance to see the results first-hand; and he was banned from the club.

Exes of Sebastian, then? Kurt didn't know about any. Sebastian kept his dating past to himself, and Kurt wasn't even sure he really wanted to know. All Sebastian had ever said about it was that it no longer mattered, and was forgotten the moment he and Kurt got together.

"No," Kurt replied finally. "Not that I know of." With that, he was ready to go. The police officer made some final notes and then lead him back out into the waiting area. Marc was already sitting in the front office again.

"Are you okay?" Marc asked.

Kurt nodded. "Just a little...weirded out. It kind of sounded like they had hoped we _knew_ these people."

Marc frowned, then scoffed. "Of course. Because if they keep it within our community, it's our problem, not theirs."

-

"Mr Smythe? I asked you a question."

Sebastian bit his lip and played with the edge of the bandage still on his hand. "Yes," he said quietly.

He looked at the officer sitting in front of him. He was an older gentleman with bags under his eyes and a lot of worry lines.

So far Sebastian hadn't said much besides stating his name and date of birth. The officer had read him through the medical documents that Paul had sent over and Sebastian confirmed each one of them with a nod or vocal affirmation.

The man sighed. "Alright. Then please go through it step by step. I have it from other accounts that you were... _on top of the bar_ when it happened?"

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, we -"

"You and your…?"

"Boyfriend," Sebastian said, feeling slightly irritated. "He's my colleague. We were singing and doing our cocktail mixing routine, and then..." he trailed off and his voice caught in his throat.

"And then?"

"And then some guys pulled me from the bar and dragged me into the crowd." Sebastian felt irritated. They knew all of this already.

"How many guys? Were they old, young? Tall, short? Black, hispanic, caucasian?"

Sebastian let out a huff of breath. "I- I don't know. It was dark and crowded, and…"

"Did they say anything?" the officer prompted.

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to listen to the voices in his head. It was still difficult to separate each incident.

"They grabbed my hair, and one of them s-said: 'D-don't pretend that y-you don't l-like this.'"

The police officer frowned and gave him a calculated stare. "So, they seemed to be under the impression that you wanted their attention?"

The man paused. "Did you?"

Sebastian felt his mouth drop open. "No!" he said firmly. "I tried to fight them off, and they broke my hand and knocked me out!"

"Yes, but," the officer said, "you _were_ dancing on top of the bar- ...maybe it just got a little out of hand? Got a little more than you were advertising for?"

He shrugged as if to say 'we've all been there'. Then he went for a new angle.

"Do men approach you at the bar often?"

Sebastian felt the colour drain from his face. This was like talking to Trent all over again. "Well...I'm a bartender. If people want a drink, they come and talk to me."

"And if they want _more_ than a drink?" The man sat back and fiddled with his pen. "Do they flirt with you?"

"A lot of people try to flirt with me, it's just...a bartender thing," Sebastian said, knowing where this was headed but not wanting to give up this easily.

"That must be nice," the man mused. "Do you flirt back?"

Sebastian refused to comment. "Being nice to customers comes as part of the job," he simply said.

"Yes, but surely dancing _on top of the bar_...is a bit like flirting back?" the officer said. "Like uh... _come and get it_?"

"No! It's...it's part of the routine...we mix drinks and sing to the crowd. Our regulars, they know the boundaries..."

"Hmm," the officer confirmed. "And um, did any of these encounters with your...regulars ever lead to more? After hours?"

Sebastian huffed out a breath. "Sometimes. But I don't see how that's relevant here."

"Well, it might be. Maybe these men who attacked you didn't know you have a boyfriend. Or maybe they did, and felt a little robbed with your act...Are you monogamous?"

Sebastian felt himself go red in the face. " _Yes,_ I'm monogamous! It might be difficult for you to believe, but I'm in a committed and loving relationship. I was just doing my job. I did _not_ ask for this."

The police officer held up his palms in a sign of surrender. "I'm just trying to get the whole picture here. I have never been in a _gay bar_ myself." He looked down on his notes. "Our other witnesses say you guys were, uh, undressing each other on the bar..."

Sebastian shook his head. "No! I mean...yes, but...no! I unbuttoned my shirt, but it was an act, it was a part of the choreography. I wasn’t _stripping._ The attackers were the ones who _ripped_ my clothes. Th-they tore my shirt off and tried to rip off my jeans. I still have the scratches on my chest to prove it!"

"Okay, okay," the man hushed him, looking uncomfortable. "I guess what I'm trying to get at is, maybe, they just got the wrong message. I didn't say we're not trying to get them. But if you're used to hooking up with your customers-"

Sebastian pushed his chair back and stood up. "I'd like to leave, please."

"It's a free country, Mr Smythe. We're just trying to help you." The officer got up as well and walked him to the door. "We'll be in touch should there be any developments."

Sebastian scoffed a little and walked purposefully out of the door without saying another word to the officer.

"Seb!" Marc said as he saw Sebastian approach. He and Kurt rose to their feet. Sebastian ignored them and walked towards the entrance of the parking lot. He pulled open the door and started down the stairs.

Kurt shot a worried look at Marc and followed Sebastian out. Marc hurried after them.

"Bas!" Kurt called out. "Sebastian. Wait! What happened?"

Sebastian stopped walking, unable, ever, to ignore Kurt. He turned to face them and could tell from the shocked and worried looks on their faces that he must look awful.

"Apparently," he spat sarcastically,"What happened was to be expected...because I'm a bartender and I was dancing on top of the bar...oh and also, because _I'm gay."_ He breathed in sharply, his lips twisted into a sneer.  "But, hey, it doesn't matter because I'm not able to be monogamous anyway, right? The more the merrier!" He scoffed and ran his hand through his hair. "And...what else was it? Oh yeah, because of my _promiscuous_ past, the guys probably felt like me dancing in front of them was _false advertising_ and that they were _robbed_ because I have _only one_ partner now _._ "

He dropped his arm, suddenly feeling exhausted and close to tears.

Kurt halted in his steps. "Wait... _what_ _?_ " he asked quietly, trying wrap his head around what Sebastian had said. "...They said it was _your fault?_ "

Marc felt his stomach turn to lead.

"Well, he didn't actually say those words...but it was _heavily_ implied." Sebastian folded his arms over his chest. "I walked out."

"That's _insane_ _!_ " Kurt let out indignantly. He thought about what Marc had said earlier, and could feel anger rising inside of him. Sebastian had been attacked. The law should be on _his_ side. They should be trying to help him. He turned around, intending to march back inside and give them all a piece of his mind. Marc's hand on his arm stopped him.

Kurt wheeled around, not sure why Marc of all people would try and stop him. Marc just shook his head.

"It _is_ insane," Marc agreed. "It's disgusting and I wish going back in there would make them change their minds, but it wouldn't...it would only make things worse."

Kurt deflated, knowing Marc was right.

Marc dropped his hand from Kurt's arm and turned back to Sebastian. "I'm sorry, Seb," he said, heart-broken. "I wish it was different, but there are a lot of people who still think about our job like that. About our life."

"That doesn't make it right!"

"I know," Marc said, stepping closer to him.

"He didn't even try to hide how he felt about me. He just said 'that it doesn't mean they're not looking for the guys'." Sebastian's outburst had taken all of the energy he had left, and his voice sounded small.

Marc nodded. "I'm sure they are. It _is_ their job, no matter what their personal opinion about it is. And Joe said there were other eyewitnesses too, and maybe we got something on the security footage...They'll find them. Alright?"

Sebastian laughed a little manically, unsure of what else to say. "I'm actually kinda glad they don't know about Ohio...can you imagine what they'd say _then?_ " He felt like he was going to throw up.

Kurt shook his head. "Don't think about that," he said softly, knowing it was easier said than done. He was thinking of it too. He remembered what Trent had said, and knew that was just the way a lot of people justified bad things beyond their control. In a life that now felt far, far away, Kurt too had laughed at Santana's jabs about Sebastian's sex life. But reality was hardly ever a punchline.

Marc put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "Come on. I'll drive us home."

Sebastian faltered and leant in to Marc's touch for a moment, nodding.

Marc paused and looked at Sebastian. He looked so dejected and hurt. Without thinking about it, Marc slid his arm around Sebastian's shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

Sebastian hesitated for a moment before caving and wrapping his arms around Marc. He buried his face in Marc's shoulder and began to cry quietly.


	20. Losing My Religion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's friends come over to try and cheer him up - with mixed results. Meanwhile, the misunderstandings between Kurt and Sebastian continue to deteriorate.

When they got back from the police station, Sebastian took himself off for a shower and then set up root in his usual place on the terrace. Watching the city rush passed below him without having to be a part of it soothed him somehow. ****  
** **

This time, he knew it was him who was actively seeking space, but after everything that had happened at the station that morning, Sebastian felt even more contaminated than ever. ****  
** **

All the other inhabitants of the apartment could do was look on sadly. Nothing they said or did could make Sebastian feel better. ****  
** **

Marc and Kurt told Paul what had happened the minute they got home and Paul was still reeling. It was ridiculous that even after all these years and with all the advancements made in equality, they still lived in a world where victims of sexual assault were seen as the ones at fault. ****  
** **

"There must be _something_ we can do?" Marc asked softly, walking up to stand next to Paul. They looked out at Sebastian together.  ****  
** **

Paul shook his head and took Marc's hand. "I don't think there is," Paul said helplessly. "The only thing that will make any of this right is those guys being found, and _time."_ ****  
** **

"Maybe he should talk to someone?" Marc suggested. ****  
** **

"Therapy?" Kurt asked, walking over to join them. ****  
** **

"It might help," Paul agreed. "If he's willing to try. It isn't effective if he's not open to it." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded in agreement. His phone chiming in his back pocket caught his attention and he slid it out, expecting to see Isabelle's name flash up. ****  
** **

"Alice," he said, a little relieved. He felt bad for not being able to help Isabelle out. He knew the office had to be chaos right now, and he caught himself thinking about all the things he had left undone when he suddenly did not return after that Friday. "They want to know if they can come round today." ****  
** **

Paul looked back out at Sebastian. "I think Sebastian could use the distraction."  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

The terrace door slid open behind Sebastian and he closed his eyes. A light breeze swept over the terrace, carrying the scent of mint and ginger, telling him it was Kurt approaching.  ****  
** **

"Hey," Kurt said softly. "I just had a text from Alice - she asked how you are and wants to know if you feel up for visitors. She tried to call you but-" ****  
** **

"I turned my phone off," Sebastian cut in.  ****  
** **

"Oh. Shall I... tell her to try again in a few days? Paul thought that maybe you could use some company..." Kurt looked at Sebastian, feeling helpless.  ****  
** **

Sebastian thought about it. He really wasn't in the mood for visitors - but if he kept pushing Alice away she'd eventually turn up anyway, demanding to know what was going on. ****  
** **

"They can come over...but I don't want them to know." _It'll just make them look at me differently, like you,_ he added in his head. ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed. "They are your friends, Bas," he said gently. "Please don't shut them out. They‘re worried about you." He couldn't help but include himself in thought. ****  
** **

"I'm not shutting them out!" Sebastian said shortly. "I just don't know what to tell them." ****  
** **

"Tell them you're not ready to share this with them, and just have them over as a distraction," Paul suggested, walking out to them with Marc. ****  
** **

"I could ask Alex to bring some films?" Kurt added. It was strange how 'hanging out' suddenly seemed like an event that needed planning.  ****  
** **

"Okay," Sebastian finally said. ****  
** **

"If it gets to be too much," Marc said quietly, "we can always ask them to leave." ****  
** **

"Yeah, we'll stay in the apartment, and you can send me a text if you want me to bail you out with some medical excuse," Paul offered. ****  
** **

“Or I'll say it's your turn to take the dogs out," Marc added. “I'm sure your friends remember what it's like living at home." He winked.   ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. Kurt bent and kissed the top of Sebastian's head, stroking his hand through Sebastian's hair before retreating back inside to call Alice. Sebastian closed his eyes, chasing the touch with his own fingers long after they had gone inside, and wished Kurt would still touch him when no one was around.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Alice was delighted for the invitation of a movie day and, an hour later she, Steph, Alex and Brody turned up laden with movies and snacks. ****  
** **

The doorbell buzzed, and Marc went to show them in. Kurt took a deep breath and offered Sebastian what he hoped was an encouraging smile. ****  
** **

Despite knowing Sebastian had rested, Kurt was still a little nervous. He tried hard not to let it show. These were his friends; he should _not_ be nervous to see them. He just hoped Sebastian would manage to keep it together - and so would he. The last thing he wanted was to blurt out their troubles in a moment of weakness. ****  
** **

Their friends bounded into the living room full of energy, but fell short upon the sight that met their eyes. ****  
** **

Sebastian sat curled up on the large armchair, Poppy draped over his lap. Kurt was hovering by the entrance to the kitchen, Lola keeping guard by his legs. They looked anxious and tired, and not at all their usual self. They looked somehow...out of touch. ****  
** **

"Um, hi guys!" Alex said, trying to recover from his shock. "We didn't know what you'd be in the mood for, so I bought a few." He held up the bag which was bulging with thin, flat boxes. ****  
** **

"And we bought popcorn and candy," Alice said. ****  
** **

"Yeah, we thought if we're gonna do this we should do it properly," Brody said. ****  
** **

"That's great!" Kurt said walking towards them. Lola followed closely behind. "I‘m sure we'll find something." He could tell from the way they looked at him and how hard Steph hugged him that his façade was only partially successful. "Marc and Paul have a kick-ass surround sound system too," he added, hopeful that Alex might pick up the slack. ****  
** **

"Aw yeah!" Alex let out on cue. He stepped further into the living room and approached his best friend. "Hey man," he offered, a little subdued. "How's the hand?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked up at his friends and offered them a smile. "Hey," he said softly. "Better thanks, the infection has almost gone." ****  
** **

"That's good," Alice asked, walking towards him too. "How are you feeling? Kurt said you haven't been sleeping…" ****  
** **

Sebastian tensed slightly as they approached but forced down the urge to flinch. "I'm okay," he said quietly. "I've managed to sleep through the last couple of nights…" ****  
** **

"That's great," Alice said. She moved to sit on the arm of his chair, but Poppy growled at her. She froze, and sat down on the couch instead.  ****  
** **

" _Poppy_ ," Paul said sternly, looking in from the hallway. "Seb, do you want me to take them?" ****  
** **

Sebastian scratched her ear and she settled down. "No, it's okay." ****  
** **

He looked at Alice. "Sorry," he said softly. ****  
** **

"It's ok. I guess they notice I‘m not a dog person," Alice said.  ****  
** **

"Wait, what?" Brody said, raising his eyebrows. "You have, like, _five_ stuffed dogs on your bed!" ****  
** **

Alex snorted. "She's a furry!" ****  
** **

"I am not!" Alice protested. "My mom gave me those, ok? They're keepsakes." ****  
** **

"I kicked them off once when we were getting down to it, and _boy_ was I in trouble! They have _names_ and everything," Brody mumbled to Alex from the corner of his mouth. ****  
** **

Alice gave him an indignant look. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled, a little of the tension inside of him easing. It was good having them here. "I‘ll get us a round of drinks," he offered. ****  
** **

"I'll take one of those fancy cappuccinos!" Steph said happily. Marc and Paul had an excellent coffee maker. ****  
** **

"Ditto," Alex said. ****  
** **

"Bas?" Kurt asked, looking at him. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at him. Maybe having his friends over _was_ a good idea. "Hot chocolate please," he said, feeling himself relax. ****  
** **

"Ooooh!" Alice said, jumping a little. "Me too, please!!" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded and walked to the kitchen. ****  
** **

"If everyone is having chocolate can I change mine too, Kurt?" Alex called after him. He turned to Brody. "I didn't know we are allowed, with all the candy we brought. Lately Steph's been..." He made a head-slicing hand movement. ****  
** **

Brody just grinned. ****  
** **

“Hey, I'm just watching my weight, okay?" Steph protested. “And it doesn't help if you're sitting next to me drinking slurpies." She turned to Sebastian. “Today's fine, though. And _you_ can have as much popcorn and cocoa as you want, of course. That's part of the healing process." ****  
** **

_Chocolate won't fix this,_ Sebastian thought, but he smiled at them both. "So, what's new?" he asked, hoping to steer the conversation well away from himself. ****  
** **

"Well, my boss is still a dickhead," Alex said conversationally, "so there's that…" ****  
** **

Steph sighed. "Alex, it's only been three weeks…" ****  
** **

"Yeah! Ex-act-ly!" Alex said indignantly. "It's been _three_ weeks and I have yet to see _anyone_ famous, even though all the VIPs supposedly _a-dore_ Sprinkles, and the worst of it is, I can't even try the merchandise." ****  
** **

"You're the delivery guy! You can't go around eating other people's orders!" Alice let out. ****  
** **

"I know, but...listen-" He turned to face Sebastian with a very serious look. "You can't even eat them if you drop them. If they're like, unsellable. I _tried_." He shrugged and shook his head, as if the concept was just too abstract for him to understand. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

In the kitchen, Marc gave Kurt a hand with the machine. "Everything okay?" he asked. ****  
** **

"Yeah. Yeah, sure," Kurt replied. "We're just talking for a bit now, and we've got the movies as back-up. We'll be fine." ****  
** **

"Alright," Marc said, clapping Kurt on the shoulder. "Have a good time, then. And help yourself to anything, okay?" ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed a little at the look on Alex's face. "Maybe once you've settled in a bit?" ****  
** **

"I doubt it," Alex said looking crestfallen. ****  
** **

"Don't worry honey," Steph said. "We can make our own cupcakes, it's not that hard...." ****  
** **

"Not the same," Alex muttered grumpily. "I just thought I was gonna meet Oprah." ****  
** **

"Maybe Kurt can get you her autograph when he's on her show to promote his work," Brody said, winking at Sebastian. "Because we all know he's the most likely to ever meet her." ****  
** **

Alex sighed heavily. "You're crushing my dreams, man." ****  
** **

Brody shrugged. "Just keeping it real. NYADA starts again soon, right? Is it next week, or the week after?" ****  
** **

Alice took out her phone. "Probably around the same time NYU does?" she mused. Then she looked up at Sebastian, suddenly realising something. "Do you...I mean, can you-" She trailed off. "Have you decided what to do yet?" she finally asked quietly. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "We haven't talked about it...obviously I _need_ to come back, but..." he trailed off as the thought of going back to school and being surrounded by people flooded his mind. He felt his pulse start to race and something caught in his throat. ****  
** **

Poppy whined and raised her head to lick his chin. ****  
** **

If people had been able to grab him so easily at Satire, who was to say they wouldn't be able to do it again? He closed his eyes and sunk back into the chair, his fingers curling into Poppy's fur. ****  
** **

"You could defer for a semester, maybe," Brody suggested. ****  
** **

"Yeah, Paul would probably be able to sign off on it?" Steph added gently. "I mean, if you're not all healed…" ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head, keeping his eyes closed. Walking around the park with Paul and the dogs had been okay. And he'd had Marc and Kurt with him at the police station earlier that morning. But they couldn't go to school with him. ****  
** **

"Or maybe we could act as your human shields?" Alex said. "Cover you from all sides?" ****  
** **

"That's a good idea."  ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head again. "No!" The thought of being caged in, even by his friends, was terrifying. ****  
** **

"What about-" ****  
** **

"Shut up!"  Sebastian said a little desperately. "I know you're trying to help, but please just _shut up_ about it. I don't know what I am going to do. I haven't thought that far ahead and right now I don't want to. Please just shut up." ****  
** **

Kurt came back in just in time to hear Sebastian. He put the drinks for his friends down unceremoniously to hurry to him.  ****  
** **

‘ _What‘s going on?_ ' he asked sharply. ‘ _What are they saying?_ ' He spoke French deliberately, not caring that their friends could not understand him. Right now, they were upsetting Sebastian, so they were the enemy. ****  
** **

He put Sebastian‘s drink down in front of him and offered him his hand. Kurt wished he could hug him, but Sebastian seemed to have purposefully chosen the only single seat in the room to keep everyone at a distance, including him. ****  
** **

Sebastian curled his hand round Kurt's and clutched it tight. He pressed his head back into the cushions and allowed his breathing to slow down. ****  
** **

"W-we were just asking him about school..." Alice said faintly. Her eyes were locked on her best friend and felt tears prickle in her eyes. He looked so _broken_. _What_ the hell happened to him?  ****  
** **

Kurt squeezed Sebastian‘s hand and then let go, resting it on his shoulder instead.  ****  
** **

"We're still...looking at things on a day-to-day basis," he explained. He saw the looks on their faces and knew it wasn't enough. "Right now, that's all I can tell you," he added, hoping they'd not voice the questions he could read on their faces. ****  
** **

Alex nodded thoughtfully. "You know, it‘s ok to tell us to shut up if we hit the wrong topic," he offered. "We don't mind, right? It's cool. But you _can_ talk to us if you want to, you know that, right?" ****  
** **

Steph nodded. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip, and shook his head before whispering, "I _can't_ tell you this." ****  
** **

He looked away from them and pulled away from Kurt's touch, curling in on himself. ****  
** **

Alice looked between the two of them, a sense of dread settling in her. The way Sebastian pulled away from Kurt made her wonder. Had _Kurt_ done something? She opened her mouth to speak, but Brody, guessing what was on her mind, shook his head. ****  
** **

"Sebastian," he said softly. "You can tell us anything." ****  
** **

"I _can't_ ...I'm not ready. It'll change _everything_." ****  
** **

"It won‘t!" Alice argued. She knew Brody was trying to stop her, but this was Sebastian, and he had been _her_ friend first, before all of them. Even before Kurt. ****  
** **

"Kurt wouldn't tell us anything the other day, now you won't! Just...stop trying to protect us from whatever it is." She looked at Kurt before turning back to Sebastian. "Or are you just protecting _him?_ " ****  
** **

Sebastian glared at her and both dogs started to growl quietly. "None of this is Kurt's fault, Alice. And I'm getting sick of you jumping down his throat or assuming it's _him_ whenever I'm upset or hurt. He didn't say anything the other day because I _asked him not to_." ****  
** **

"That's fair enough," Brody said. He could see how tense Sebastian was getting and hoped that Alice could see it too. He had seen that look in someone's eyes before, when a former colleague had shared the details of an experience with one of her clients. Suddenly, he had an inkling of what had happened. He prayed that Alice would let it go. ****  
** **

"No, it's not!" Alice said loudly, standing up. She didn't notice Sebastian flinch. " _What_ is it? What could possibly be _so_ awful that you can't tell us? We're your friends! We have a right to-" ****  
** **

"I was raped, okay?" Sebastian half-shouted. "When I was sixteen. I got myself a fake ID, I went to a gay bar, someone drugged my drink and I was gang-raped by a group of grown men."  ****  
** **

His heart was racing and his hands were shaking. "I was so out of it that two whole days went missing from my memory, and I was living in blissful ignorance until last week, when _another_ group of guys decided to pull me from the bar and try _again_ , breaking my hand and nearly bashing my head in in the process. And _that_ was when my brain said: ‘HELLO SEBASTIAN GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU!' and started filling me in on four years of repressed trauma. I now get to relive what happened, every. Single. Fucking. Time. I close my eyes."  ****  
** **

Sebastian's breath caught in his throat and he looked away from them, already regretting his outburst. He didn't want to see how they would be looking at him now. ****  
** **

Kurt‘s expression hardened and he stepped in front of Sebastian, blocking him from view. ****  
** **

"I hope you're happy that you got to enforce your _rights_ as a friend, Alice. Because as far as I'm concerned, it was the last time." ****  
** **

Alice stared at him with her mouth hanging open. Between Sebastian's ragged breaths and Kurt's stone-cold expression, she was lost for words. ****  
** **

"I..." she started, but Kurt turned away from her to kneel by Sebastian‘s side.  ****  
** **

"I'm so sorry, Bas," he whispered. ****  
** **

Sebastian reached for his hand. ****  
** **

"Seb-" Alice started, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I-god, I'm so sorry." She sat back down and leaned into Brody's side. He wrapped his arm around her but didn't look at her. She was his girlfriend and he loved her, but he was angry at her for ignoring all the signs and just pushing on. He hated that his suspicions had been confirmed.  ****  
** **

Sebastian let out a shallow breath and looked at Kurt. The pain in his boyfriend's eyes reflected his own and he curled their fingers together.  ****  
** **

"We can leave if you want," Steph said quietly. ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. The cat was out of the bag now. He might as well tell them the whole story. Slowly, with his eyes focused on Kurt, he began to talk. ****  
** **

Hearing it a second time, even in the abridged version, wasn't easier. If anything, Sebastian's honesty about his expectations of that night made what had really happened all the more heartbreaking. ****  
** **

Their friends listened quietly and in growing horror as the story unfolded. By the time Sebastian was telling them about the Warblers, Alice was crying into Brody's arms. He was looking pale and resigned. Kurt realised it might not be the first time Brody had heard a story like this. ****  
** **

For the others, it clearly was. Alex was looking away. Steph was holding his hand. Kurt was pretty sure Alex was crying, too. ****  
** **

"So...you didn't remember any of this until the attack at Satire?" Steph asked quietly. ****  
** **

Sebastian licked his lips and shook his head. "No...apparently it was a side effect of the drug and a coping mechanism in my brain. Paul explained the medical theory of it, but...it's like my brain put up a wall that blocked it all out...and then the attack knocked the wall down and brought everything back. It's why I've not slept all week...nightmares." ****  
** **

"The day you all came round and we sent you home was the morning after the first one," Kurt explained darkly. ****  
** **

Brody nodded. Sebastian focused on him. "I didn't want to tell you, because I don't want you to look at me differently. I'm still trying to process it myself, without trying to answer a million questions." He looked at Alice. ****  
** **

"I'm - I won‘t," Alice promised.  ****  
** **

"No, you won‘t," Kurt said sternly. He looked ready to throw her out. ****  
** **

"Kurt..." Brody started, but Alice cut him off. ****  
** **

"Kurt is right. I shouldn't have pushed. He already told us to back off days ago and I didn‘t listen. I guess I overestimated myself, thinking that once we'd talk, everything would be okay." ****  
** **

"This is not a tv show, Alice," Kurt snapped. "Not everything can be solved in 45 minutes." ****  
** **

“Minus commercials," Alex mumbled, but it was clear his heart wasn't in it. ****  
** **

Alice nodded, stricken. "I know, I'm sorry. I really am. I just wanted to help." ****  
** **

"I know. But it would have been more helpful to trust that I have Sebastian's best interests at heart, Kurt said. “You‘re not the only one who cares about him." ****  
** **

"I know," Alice said to Kurt. "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to being shut out..." ****  
** **

Kurt crossed his arms over his chest. "Sebastian‘s well-being was more important to me than not hurting your feelings," he said bluntly.  ****  
** **

Alice nodded. Suddenly, she understood that even her apologies were only helping _her_ feel better, not Seb.  ****  
** **

While Kurt talked, Alex had wiped the tears off his face and had gotten up from his seat to crouch by Sebastian‘s side. "You're my best man, Seb. Nothing's gonna change that, okay?" He said it quietly so that only Sebastian and Kurt would hear. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at Alex and felt his lips curl into a small smile. "Try and stop me," he said quietly.  ****  
** **

Alex grinned and nodded.  ****  
** **

"Have you been to the police?" Steph asked hesitantly. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at her, paused for a minute and then nodded. "We were there this morning." ****  
** **

"Can they do anything? About -" ****  
** **

"Not about Ohio. I don't know the identities of the guys who did it, and it's too late to find out. And besides, it's not in their jurisdiction and after the reception I got about Satire...I'm not sure I want to tell them." ****  
** **

"What-" ****  
** **

Sebastian quickly regaled the interrogation he'd received at the station that morning. ****  
** **

"That's outrageous!" Alice shouted indignantly.  ****  
** **

Sebastian recoiled and shivered. "Please stop shouting." ****  
** **

Alice shook her head. "But how the hell is it _your_ fault?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked her in the eyes. "Because I'm gay." ****  
** **

Alice pressed her lips together and fell silent. The atmosphere in the room was so thick it could have been cut with a knife.  ****  
** **

Sebastian reached up for Kurt's hand, relieved when Kurt took it willingly. It was good to know that despite the changes in their relationship, Kurt would accept his touch if he really needed it. ****  
** **

They sat for a moment in silence.  ****  
** **

"Maybe we should put a movie on," Alex suggested.   ****  
** **

Alice leant back against against Brody and nodded.  ****  
** **

Sebastian used his grip on Kurt's hand and tugged him gently. "Sit with me?" he whispered and shuffled on the seat to make room for his boyfriend. He didn't want to push his luck but he needed to double the reassurance that Kurt was still there. ****  
** **

"Of course," Kurt said. As long as Sebastian was awake and initiating contact, Kurt figured he‘d be okay.  ****  
** **

Alex nodded and grabbed his bag, looking determined to offer the distraction everyone sorely needed. ****  
** **

"Sooo...We‘ve got _Pretty Woman_ \- that was Steph's pick by the way, I had nothing to do with that - _Transformers_ , which is awesome, _Jurassic Parc_ because, _hello!_ A classic! And then a bunch of art house films from Alice... _snore_ ...so basically it comes down to Julia Roberts, dinosaurs or robots-in-disguise." ****  
** **

Brody put his hand up. "Dinosaurs!" ****  
** **

Alice gave him an indignant look. "I brought that film about Toulouse Lautrec, Seb said he'd been wanting to see it-" ****  
** **

"Di-no-saurs," Alex spelled out. "Help me out here, Seb." ****  
** **

Sebastian settled back against Kurt and rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. " _Pretty Woman_ ," he said quietly. ****  
** **

He avoided Alice's gaze. He knew she was trying to make things right, but that didn't change the fact that she'd forced him to tell everyone. Too many things had happened to him in his life that he had no control over, and she'd just taken one more thing away. It'd be a while before he could forgive her for that. ****  
** **

"Pretty woman it is!" Steph said triumphantly, standing up to put the dvd in. ****  
** **

_‘Thank you,'_ Sebastian said quietly to Kurt. _‘For standing up for me.'_ ****  
** **

' _You would have done the same for me,_ ' Kurt replied, kissing his temple.  ****  
** **

In the kitchen, Marc and Paul embraced. They had heard Sebastian's outburst, and had been ready to go in and break it up - only to realise Kurt had it covered. So now his friends knew, for better or worse, and Sebastian had to deal with that. ****  
** **

"They'll make it," Marc mumbled. They have each other." ****  
** **

"They do," Paul agreed. "They don't seem like the kind of people to run, even if he pushes with all his strength." ****  
** **

"No, they're good kids." Marc paused. "He's gonna be okay, right?" ****  
** **

Paul sighed and kissed his husband's shoulder. "I hope so." ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

Sebastian closed the door behind their friends as they left a few hours later and took a moment against the door to process what had just happened. ****  
** **

Despite Alice's continued apologies, he was still mad at her. He guessed it was probably a good thing that they knew, but at that moment, he couldn't be anything but resentful. ****  
** **

Sighing, he turned and walked back into the living room. Marc and Paul had rejoined them and were talking quietly to Kurt.  ****  
** **

"Seb," Paul said as he noticed him walking in. "How are you feeling?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged. "I'm not sure, honestly." ****  
** **

Paul gave him a calculating look, giving him a physical once-over to assess if his medical expertise was needed. He decided that it wasn't. ****  
** **

"Alice pushed him too hard," Kurt said, mostly at Marc and Paul. "I know she meant well, but she went too far." ****  
** **

"We heard," Marc said, shooting Sebastian an apologetic look. ****  
** **

"She seems very young," Paul said. "I imagine she had a rather sheltered, privileged life." He didn't sound like he blamed her for it.  ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip. Despite everything he felt guilty for divulging her story, but maybe it was time. ****  
** **

"In our freshman year, Alice was in a really bad relationship. He was older, much older. They'd known each other for a long time, he was like...a friend of the family or something, but he'd waited until she was _legal_ before actually dating her. She insisted that she was in love with him, but…" Sebastian shook his head.  "He was very restrictive and controlling." Sebastian looked at them sadly. "She wasn't allowed to be friends with us, he told her what she could and couldn't wear, how to do her make-up It got to the point when he'd even stop her coming to class." ****  
** **

"Oh god," Marc said quietly.  ****  
** **

"It was awful and we begged her to leave him." Sebastian shook his head again as he thought back to that time. "It took her a while, but she finally did and was a million times better for it...but since then, she's very protective of _everyone,_ me in particular, when it comes to relationships." ****  
** **

"Jeremy, huh?" Kurt mumbled, and Sebastian nodded. Kurt had only heard a few things here and there, and from the atmosphere in their group every time that name was mentioned he'd understood that it was a bad ex, but he hadn't known just how bad. ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip. He was still angry with her too, but he couldn't help but think of Blaine, and the things he had done to him that Kurt still struggled with to the current day. He knew it was possible for relationships to be abusive even if everyone around them thought it was the most romantic, loving thing in the world. Alice had briefly suspected _Kurt_ was to blame for Sebastian's condition, despite all of the evidence against that theory, and had been ready to do something about it. She had been willing to go against all of her friends to be the only one who believed Sebastian. He couldn't really blame her for that. ****  
** **

He let out a long breath. "Well. You cleared it up. Maybe that was for the best." ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded. "I guess...I just didn't want to _ever_ have to tell them." ****  
** **

"I know," Kurt said softly. "There were a lot of things I never intended to tell my dad either...but after I did, it felt like a relief, I guess." He pulled up his shoulders. "They're probably a bit shocked now, but I don't think they'll treat you differently." He looked into Sebastian's eyes. "They have no reason to. You're still _you_." ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at him sadly. "I guess...." He felt so lost and alienated from everyone. Sitting with Kurt while watching the film had been nice, but all the way through he'd felt Kurt's hesitance. He noticed the way Kurt would step around him carefully, as if he was scared to touch him. ****  
** **

He wasn't going to break and the nightmares had stopped. But maybe Kurt was just too repulsed by him to touch him and he _had_ just been putting on a show. ****  
** **

\-- ****  
** **

Sooner than Kurt would have wanted it, it was time to go to bed. He had been dreading it all day. He had no idea how to broach the subject with Sebastian without telling him about the nightmare. It would only just make him afraid to go to sleep again, and that was the last thing Kurt wanted. Maybe he should just stay awake until Sebastian fell asleep and then put a pillow between them again. ****  
** **

"Do you mind if I read a little?" he asked, putting up his pillow against the headrest so he could sit up in their shared bed. ****  
** **

Sebastian paused as he was folding back the covers to climb in and looked at Kurt. "O-of course not." ****  
** **

He settled himself against his pillows and steeled himself. He should ask. He should mention to Kurt that the pillow between them that morning had hurt, should ask him to not do it again. But he didn't want to force Kurt to do something he clearly didn't want to do. Sighing, he pulled the covers up over himself and looked owlishly at Kurt over the top of them. "Read to me?" ****  
** **

Kurt smiled softly. "Sure."  ****  
** **

He settled back against the headrest, looked up his bookmark, and started to read out loud. After a while, he could see Sebastian start to relax. He paused for a moment to see if Sebastian was asleep. His boyfriend shifted a little, but didn't open his eyes. Kurt read to the end of the page for good measure. Then, he put the book away and reached for the extra pillow. He shifted away a little, trying not to disturb Sebastian, and placed the pillow between the two of them.  ****  
** **

Sebastian felt the soft pillow rest next to him and felt his heart sink. The light switched off casting the room into darkness. He lay there for a minute before whispering quietly. "Kurt, can you not put the pillow there, _please?_ Please hold me..." ****  
** **

Kurt started. He hadn't expected Sebastian to still be awake. "Oh! Of course," he said hurriedly, pulling the pillow to the side. "I just thought - I was just -" He sighed and broke off. He moved closer and reached out his arm, putting it around his boyfriend and pulling him a little closer until their chests touched. He could feel Sebastian's heart pound, and saw unshed tears glisten in his eyes.  ****  
** **

"I'm here," he whispered. "It's going to be okay." He was just going to have to stay awake until Sebastian was really asleep - and think of gruesome things to be his own buzzkill until then.  ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and buried his face into Kurt's chest, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry," he whispered.  ****  
** **

"Just sleep, Bas," Kurt whispered back. He began carding his fingers through Sebastian's hair, and softly started humming _Au Clair de la Lune._ ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

He jolted awake as Sebastian's elbow lashed out and hit him hard in the ribs. Kurt gasped for breath. Blinking against the darkness, he tried to make out what had happened. He saw Sebastian writhe in his sheets and cursed his own stupidity. Kurt had fallen asleep, and just as the night before, Sebastian was having a violent nightmare, triggered by the body cradling his. Kurt's body - which had responded to the warmth and feel of his lover the way it had been conditioned to over the past months...with ardent desire. ****  
** **

Kurt moved away as far as he could, wincing as the cold spot of the mattress touched his bare legs, and he shushed Sebastian softly, fervently hoping he'd manage to let go of his nightmare without waking up so he wouldn't remember in the morning. ****  
** **

_Someone was holding him down. His arms were pinned to his side and he couldn't move._ ****  
** **

_He tried yelling for help but no sound came out._ ****  
** **

_All of a sudden the restrictions were gone and he was alone. He could move and breathe again. He stayed frozen for a moment, sure his attacker would be back. When no one did, he relaxed and everything went dark again._ ****  
** **

Kurt watched Sebastian calm down as soon as he had let him go. Resolve settled inside of him. He got up and tucked Sebastian back in, untangling his boyfriend's legs from the sheets. The splint on his hand had caught on his pillow. Kurt carefully put his arm down. He leaned down for a kiss. Then, he walked over to the window and curled up on the armchair, hoping Sebastian would sleep peacefully now that he was out of his bed. He spent the time until he fell back asleep making plans for the next morning.


	21. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation between Kurt and Sebastian hits breaking point, and they do what they should have done long ago...communicate.

Sebastian awoke the next morning facing the wall, his back to Kurt's side of the bed. As his mind cleared of the sleep fog, it took a moment for him to realise that something was off. Frowning slightly, he rolled over and was met by the cold, empty sheets next to him.

Disappointment rose up in his throat and he swallowed it down. He cast his eyes around the room until they fell onto the sleeping form of his boyfriend. He was curled up awkwardly in the chair, a blanket draped over himself as he slept.

Sebastian felt tears well in his eyes and he rolled over again, the pain in his chest growing. Now Kurt couldn't even bear sleeping in the same bed with him. It made Sebastian feel dirty. He didn't blame Kurt for not wanting to be near him. He probably only sat with him yesterday to keep face in front of their friends.

Scowling, Sebastian got out of bed and dressed. He could hear Paul up and moving around, no doubt getting ready to take the girls out.

Sebastian would see if he could go with them again. Maybe giving Kurt some space would help.

-

As Marc woke up, he was a little surprised at how late it was. He hadn't even noticed Paul getting up. Yawning a little, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, taking stock of his body's needs. He felt well-rested, be it a bit groggy. Marc stood up, stretching his arms wide until he heard the satisfying crack. He shivered and reached for his glasses, put them on, and walked into the bathroom.

On his way to the kitchen, he passed Kurt and Sebastian's bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and he could hear someone move around inside, so he figured the boys were awake. He pushed the door open and saw Kurt folding up clothes and putting them in his overnight bag. He frowned.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

Kurt looked up. His eyes were red-rimmed. He pressed his lips together and turned away, resuming his task.

"Are you _packing_?" Marc asked sharply. "Sebastian is hardly ready to leave."

"He's not," Kurt said, his voice sounding rough. "I am."

Marc stood shocked for a moment before shaking himself and fixing Kurt with a steely glare.

"You're giving up?" he asked, feeling as though he was seeing Kurt clearly for the first time.

Kurt looked away and continued packing. "It's for the best," he said softly.

Marc walked forwards and stood on the other side of the bed, facing him. "Better for whom? Sebastian? Or _you_?"

Kurt's head snapped up, shooting Marc an angry look. "For Sebastian!" he replied. "My being here is making everything worse."

"Of course it's not," Marc argued. "He's getting better. His nightmares have stopped-"

"He still _has_ nightmares. He just doesn't remember them. They haven't stopped," Kurt said. "And it's _my_ fault!" He threw up his hands in frustration. "He wants me to be with him, to hold him - but I...my body does not have an off-switch, okay? And then-"

"So...what? You're leaving because he's not putting out?" Marc asked incredulously. "If that's what you want from him, I'm throwing you out, myself."

"No! Of course not! You don't understand. I do _not_ want to have sex with him!" Kurt said loudly, feeling frustrated.

-

In the hallway, Paul and Sebastian stood frozen to the spot. They had entered just in time to overhear Kurt raise his voice.

Pain and sadness flooded through Sebastian as he listened to Kurt talk. _He doesn't want to have sex with me...he doesn't want to touch me, or be around me...he's leaving. So much for never giving up on me._

Hurt, Sebastian turned to leave. A hand on his shoulder stopped him.

Paul looked at him and shook his head. He could see the hurt in Sebastian's eyes, but knew there had to have been more to the conversation. He knew Kurt loved Sebastian, and there had to be a reason for this. He wanted Sebastian equipped with all the information before he acted.

Paul turned Sebastian around and kept his hands on his shoulders in a reassuring way, urging him to listen to what Kurt would say next.

-

"Then what _do_ you want?" Marc demanded. "He can't help it if he's still having nightmares. I can't believe you'd be so selfish-"

"You don't get it!" Kurt shouted at him. " _I'm_ the reason he's having those nightmares in the first place! As long as he sleeps alone, he's fine!"

Sebastian's eyes widened. The news that his nightmares hadn't stopped startled him. He thought he was getting better.

"And leaving is your best solution?" Marc asked Kurt.

Sebastian swallowed as he waited for Kurt's answer.

Kurt let out a shuddering breath and shrugged. "I leave...he sleeps...and rest makes him better," he said softly. "But...it's not just the nightmares."

Paul felt Sebastian's shoulders droop under his hands and stepped closer, pulling him back against his chest.

"I don't think he wants to be with me anymore." Kurt faltered. "He's become distant, withdrawn. I know what that means, I've been through this before. It's the beginning of the end."

Sebastian, heart broken, pulled out of Paul's touch and walked into the bedroom.

"Kurt," he choked out. "Please don't leave, I need you here, I need _you_."

Kurt gasped, startled to find Sebastian had overheard them. He let go of the shirt he was folding. It dropped to the floor.

"Bas..." he sighed. "I don't understand. You...hardly want me around."

Sebastian shook his head, "I was giving you space. It's _you_ who doesn't want to be near _me_ ," Sebastian said quietly. "You-you can barely look at me, or t-touch me, and...you keep putting up barriers between us and then th-this morning you weren't even sleeping in the bed." He let out a shuddery breath.

"I-I know that I c-can't do stuff at the moment, but I still need you. Please don't give up on me. I-I can't lose you, _please_ don't go." He wrapped his arms around his waist and looked at Kurt, trying with all his might to fight back the tears.

Kurt felt his heart start to break at Sebastian's words, and the look on his face did the rest.

"No," Kurt whispered. He knew this as a moment where the choice between the truth and a lie could mean all or nothing.

"You've been having nightmares. Last night...the nights before. You may think you haven't, but you did. You just don't remember. I know I promised to wake you, but...I discovered that the way to stop them was just to...let you go. Once I stopped touching you, you'd drift back into a peaceful sleep."

Sebastian sucked in a breath, so it was true. He _was_ still having nightmares. "You should have _told_ me," he whispered. "You promised to tell me."

Kurt closed his eyes and nodded remorsefully. "I know." He swallowed, and took in a steadying breath. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to be afraid of going to sleep again. I could tell you were improving with every extra hour of sleep and I didn't want to sabotage that. Even if it meant...keeping away from you."

He paused. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you."

"Yes," Sebastian whispered. "You should have. Kurt," he said looking at his boyfriend. "If I'm going to get better I _need_ all the information...y-you can't just _not_ tell me stuff...I thought you d-didn't want me anymore. I thought you were staying out of _obligation_..."

"I'm not- I'd never-" Kurt broke off, shaking his head.

Suddenly he realised he hadn't been the only one plagued by memories of his previous relationship. Sebastian _knew_ there was precedent for Kurt staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons. Kurt had never even considered that Sebastian might think it would apply to them that way.

In a flash of clarity, he also recalled Alice's words from that day at Coney Island. _He's been cast aside by people who were supposed to love him far too many times._ It hit Kurt like a slushie to the face.

After everything they had been through together, Sebastian still assumed that one day, Kurt would leave him because he was not good enough, like his family had.

He looked Sebastian straight into his eyes. "I love you, and I still want you. I'll always want you."

"Then why did you tell Marc you didn't want to have sex with me?" Sebastian asked timidly.

Kurt shook his head. "Because I _know_ that it not what you need right now. But that doesn't mean I'm not still _every bit_ as attracted to you as I was before!

I _want_ to be close to you. I'm just afraid of making you feel pressured, or worse. I don't ever want you to be afraid of me, or go along with something just because I want it. So when the feel of my body was triggering your nightmares, I did the only thing I could think of, and that was keeping away. "

He gave Sebastian a pleading look. "But I do, I do, I _do_ love you and want you more than I can say."

Sebastian bit his lip and blinked back tears, his arms still wrapped around himself. "Me too," he whispered. "I love you Kurt. I still pinch myself every day to make sure I'm not dreaming. You're so incredibly beautiful and I'm still attracted to you, too...I just _can't_ have sex." He stepped forward a little,"but that absolutely doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm sorry. It must sound stupid..."

Kurt shook his head and crossed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Sebastian. "It's not your fault," he said, holding him tightly. "I am sorry I made you feel like I didn't want to touch you. I should have talked to you instead of doing what I thought you needed."

He was grateful Sebastian had stopped him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Walking away from this, from him, was something he would regret forever.

Sebastian closed his eyes and crumbled into Kurt's arms. He curled his fists into Kurt's top and held on tightly.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered. "We're normally better than this at communication."

Kurt let out a pained chuckle. "Yeah...though it did take me months to see my best friend had a crush on me...and even longer to admit I felt the same way."

Sebastian smirked.

He pulled away a little to look into Sebastian's eyes. He raised his hand to his face. The bruises had turned to a palette of greens and yellows. Soon, they'd fade. Kurt wished his memories of that horrible night would fade as quickly.

Sebastian closed his eyes at Kurt's touch, sighing a little.

"I will try to stop assuming I know what's best for you, and just ask. And maybe you try telling me what you need-" He paused. "Even if you think that might hurt me."

He remembered their fight of the other day, and how much it had hurt to hear Sebastian lash out at him; but if he needed more space - or less, for that matter - even hard words worked better than none at all.

"I promise," Sebastian whispered, pressing his forehead against Kurt's. "You have to promise to wake me, okay? If I have a nightmare, I need to know. Otherwise I think I'm getting better when I'm _not_. Promise me, _please_?"

"Yes," Kurt whispered. "I promise."

Marc, who'd been quietly standing by the door, took Paul's hand. For a moment it had seemed everything was falling apart between their young guests, and his own fears had made him assume the worst about Kurt. Marc felt awful about it, though he suddenly understood their friend Alice a little better.

Paul closed his hand around Marc's. "Let's go," he whispered. "They'll be okay."

Kurt and Sebastian were kissing; softly, tentatively, like anything too fast might break them.

-

"I wish my subconscious recognised this as a safe place," Sebastian said quietly, drawing away a little from Kurt's arms.

It will," Kurt said. "Maybe, instead of sharing a bed at night, we could spend some time together when you wake up...make it part of our morning routine? It might help your mind remember."

Sebastian sucked in a breath and held Kurt close. "No," he whispered. "I don't want you in a separate bed." He paused. "The um...the pillow worked the other night, right?"

Kurt nodded.

"Okay, so...now that I know what it's for...maybe we keep doing that?"

"Okay," Kurt agreed. "We can try." He offered Sebastian a smile. "We'll figure this out together." He glanced at the bag on the bed, then back at Sebastian. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

Sebastian sighed in relief and nodded. He kissed Kurt again and buried his face in Kurt's neck, wrapping his arms around him tight.

Out in the hallway Marc and Paul looked at each other. Somewhere in their past they heard the echo of shouting, a door slamming and a night where neither of them slept.

Marc swallowed and stepped closer to his husband, wrapping his arms around Paul's waist and tucking his head up under Paul's chin.

-

Paul knocked on the bedroom door a little before midday and when given permission, pushed the door open. He smiled a little at the sight and felt a flicker of hope in his chest.

Kurt laid with his head on Sebastian's chest, their arms around each other and their legs intertwined. They were talking quietly, reconnecting after weeks of miscommunication.

"Hey guys," Paul greeted quietly. "As neither of you really ate this morning, Marc and I thought it might be nice if we treat you to lunch? There's a really cute French place just on the other side of the park that we sometimes go to, if you're up for it."

Sebastian's stomach rumbled at the mention of food and he grinned sheepishly down at Kurt. "How about it babe?"

"You had me at _French_ ," Kurt replied, beaming at him. He kissed Sebastian's cheek and sat up. He knew just what to wear, too.

Half an hour later, they were on their way. Marc and Kurt were walking up front, walking faster than the others. Paul and Sebastian were waiting for Poppy and Lola to stop sniffing trees and marking their territory.

"Kurt, I owe you an apology for earlier," Marc said. "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that."

"Oh, that's-" Kurt started, but Marc stopped and put a hand on his arm.

"No, I mean it. Even if I didn't agree with what you were going to do, I shouldn't have doubted your motive. I'm sorry."

Kurt looked at him and then slowly nodded. It was still a bit strange to have adults ( _real_ adults, he added in his mind, not really counting himself as one yet) apologise to him. "Thank you," he said. "I appreciate you telling me."

Marc offered him a smile. "Are we good?"

Kurt nodded and returned the smile. "We're good." They started walking again.

"And you and Seb? Are you good, too?"

Kurt thought of that morning and smiled. "I think so. I mean, it's not like before...and it probably won't be for a while. But we're _together_ again. It's not...Sebastian and his handsome male nurse anymore." He winked at Marc.

Further back, Paul watched Sebastian encourage their dogs to get moving, promising them something about lamb chops under the table. He smiled.

He waited for Sebastian to join up with him again, then decided to broach a subject he'd been thinking about the last few days.

"Sebastian...would you consider talking to a therapist?"

Sebastian's step faltered as he fell into line next to Paul. _Therapy_. _Therapy was for people who had something seriously wrong with them, wasn't it? Was he really that far in?_ _But then,_ Sebastian thought, _how much more serious did it have to get?_

"Um...I hadn't considered it, no." He looked ahead at Kurt and Marc, thinking over that morning and the past few weeks. "But...maybe?" He hesitated. Admitting he needed help was one thing...but therapists were also _expensive_. "I dunno if I could afford it though, if I can't work at the moment."

Paul shook his head. "That shouldn't be a reason not to try, Seb. You know we will help you with that."

They walked on in silence for a moment.

"I won't _make_ you go," Paul said. "Apart from it being unproductive, I've already bossed you around enough the past couple of weeks. This is something long-term, that you'd need to commit to voluntarily and keep up after moving back to your own place."

Sebastian bit his lip. He was still getting used to the idea that he had _parents_ to help with things. He hadn't had that in a long time.

"I want to get better," he said softly. "I don't want to keep pushing people away. It's what I did before...when I first moved to America and I was miserable...I don't want to do that again, _especially_ to Kurt."

Maybe therapy would help him.

"Is therapy...how would it work? Like...what would I need to do?"

"Wanting to try is the first step," Paul said. "Then, we find a therapist that feels right. It needs to be someone you trust, someone who understands you. You may need to talk to a few before you find someone. I know that NYU offers free short-term counselling and a psychiatric assessment through their student insurance program-" he paused. Marc had told him Sebastian had dropped his insurance after immatriculation to cut costs. "But it can also be paid for privately. And there are other other options. I have a few contacts, but it's not my area of expertise, so I can only point you in a general direction." He sounded apologetic.

"There are many different approaches, different kinds of therapy. I can talk you through, but there's a lot of good information online as well. I think maybe cognitive behaviour therapy could work in your case, but I have no personal experience with it. It's said to have a high success rate, though."

He looked at Sebastian. "I know it sounds like hard work, and it is, in a way. But you're worth it, Seb." He cleared his throat, and fell back into the safety of his profession. "Until you find someone, you could also consider going to a group meeting. They are guided by professional counsellors and are open for all and usually relatively inexpensive."

Sebastian pondered that thought for a moment. While he knew the people in his life would listen to him talk about his feelings any time of day, none of them were able to offer the support that he really needed - because none of them had ever experienced anything close to this. They had no prior knowledge or experience to fall back on.

Even Paul as a qualified doctor could only do so much...Perhaps talking to other people who _did_ have similar pasts would help.

"That might be something to try," Sebastian said. It sounded a damn sight better than laying on a shrink's couch being asked how he _felt_.

Paul nodded. "Sometimes it's for family and loved ones too. Kurt could join you, if you want." He'd given it a lot of thought, but wasn't sure what Sebastian would prefer. "We can google for the nearest meetings in your area after lunch and then when I get to work later I'll ask around if my colleagues in the psych department know the counsellors who lead them."

He stopped to look at Sebastian. "That wasn't supposed to sound like I am kicking you out."

Sebastian smiled and shook his head, "I didn't take it that way." He paused for a moment. "Paul, I-" he let out a breath and then stepped forwards and hugged Paul tightly. "Thank you, for everything you've done for me...I know I haven't made it easy, but thank you, it really means a lot."

Paul froze for a moment, then let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around Sebastian. "I wish I could do more," he admitted softly. "We really care about you, Seb."

Sebastian closed his eyes and relaxed a little into Paul's embrace. "I know," he whispered. "I maybe didn't realise how much before, but I do now...Thanks, dad."

Paul tightened his grip on Sebastian and held him close, words, for once, failing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are considering seeking help and need information or resources, you can try one of the following links (with thanks to LoveJoyBliss for helping us with these, as neither of us are from the US) :  
> https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists  
> http://newyorkbehavioralhealth.com/How-To-Find-a-Therapist-in-NYC


	22. Do You Need Anybody?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Sebastian's first night back at his own place…and he needs a little help from his friends.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Marc asked as he and Paul set Sebastian's bags down on his bed.

They had already dropped Kurt home. He was starting back at work that evening - his first shift at Satire since the attack, and he had mentioned something about needing proper grooming before stepping foot into public again. He had made Sebastian promise to text or call if he needed _anything_ though.

Sebastian secretly thought to himself that he wouldn't, even if the block burnt down. But Kurt didn't need to know that.

"Yes Marc, I'll be okay," he said quietly. "Thank you, both, again. For everything...but I think I'm ready to stand on my own."

It had been a week since Kurt had almost left and things had slowly started getting better. The line of pillows between them was working and time spent together before and after sleep, was enough to reassure both of them that the other was _there_ and that they were _together._

Kurt had only had to wake up Sebastian a couple of times, and that hadn't happened for the last three nights in a row.

Sebastian and Paul had also found a group therapy session that met on the NYU campus itself and their first meeting after the summer vacation was on Wednesday. Sebastian was nervous, but positive that things may finally start getting better.

"Okay. _Call_ us," Marc said again. He was taking a shift with Kurt, and it was hard to say which of them was more nervous about Sebastian moving out.

"I think he gets it," Paul said, looking at Sebastian and winking.

Sebastian promised he would, crossing his fingers behind his back, and closed the door behind him. He loved Kurt, Marc and Paul and was thankful for all their help and support over the last month - but he was tried of them all watching him as if he was going to break. He needed to prove to them, and to himself that he could do this.

As he turned back to his empty apartment however, the sudden sense of _alone_ settled over him and threatened to overwhelm him.

Deciding to keep busy, he headed back to his room and began to slowly unpack. His right hand still hindered him but his left was getting stronger and over the next hour he unpacked and straightened away his things.

As the afternoon slowly turned into evening however, Sebastian became more and more jumpy.  He froze when the people living upstairs suddenly turned up their music, clearly getting ready for a night on the town.

Foreign noises never used to bother him, but now, every laugh, slam of a car door or siren passing his window seemed amplified, threatening.

He missed the comfort of Poppy and Lola curled up over him. He had become used to their presence, and the quiet of Marc and Paul's top floor apartment. It was high above the busy streets so that they weren't bothered by the hustle and bustle of the city below.

He knew he could call Paul or Marc and they'd come pick him up in a heartbeat, but he refused to give in to the fear. He didn't want to prove them right. Perhaps, if he just went to sleep…

-

Sebastian lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. The streetlights outside were casting strange shapes on the walls and ceiling. He checked the clock on his bedside table and sighed. Almost midnight. Satire would be packed now and neither Kurt or Marc would be able to leave. He wasn't sure he could bring himself to worry them either. It wasn't like this was an emergency. He wasn't in danger… even if his mind kept tricking him into thinking he was.

His phone had gone off a million times over the course of evening, both Kurt and Marc checking in. He'd ignored them, pretending that he was asleep.

After another hour however, he became desperate. Someone swore loudly outside his front door and slammed against the wall. Sebastian curled his fists tightly into the blankets. He knew he wouldn't get through the night on his own without giving himself a heart attack, or more nightmares.

He reached for his phone and dialled Alex's number.

-

"Mmmnn...Alex, I told you so many times to switch your phone off before bed," Steph mumbled drowsily, rolling over and hugging her pillow.

"Wh- what?" Alex said up, blinking at the light coming from the nightstand. It took his brain a moment to catch up. When it did, he knew he had to answer. "It's Seb."

He reached for his phone and answered. "Hey man," he said, clearing his throat. "What's up?"

Steph sat up as well, pulling the blanket up around her. She looked at the clock and then at Alex, frowning in worry.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian half-sobbed. "I didn't wanna wake anyone but can you come over? I can't sleep and I don't want to call Kurt..."

Alex didn't need to think about it. "Sure. I'm on my way." Steph went wide-eyed, but Alex held up his palm, signalling her not to panic. "Should I bring anything, like from the store?" he asked, already getting up to look for his jeans.

"No," Sebastian said. "I'm really sorry to wake you...I thought I'd be okay-"

"Don't worry about it. See you in a bit."

Alex hung up and looked at Steph. "He's ok," he reassured her. "Just nerves, I think. It's his first night back home."

"Oh, right," Steph said. She shivered and ran a hand through her hair. "Shall I come?"

Alex shook his head. "I think it's better if I go alone." Sebastian didn't specifically say so, but if it were him, Alex would want as few people to know as possible.

He stepped into his jeans and reached for a fresh t-shirt. "I'll probably crash there, then," he said. "I'll call in sick with work in the morning."

"I can do that," Steph offered. "So you won't forget."

Alex smiled. "Thanks." He kissed her cheek. "Go back to sleep. We'll be alright."

Steph nodded. "Give him my love. And call me in the morning, okay?"

"I will."

-

The streets in New York were never really empty, but Alex made good time. He parked his car and took out his phone.

"Hey man, I'm at the door," he said. "Buzz me in?"

Sebastian, who had been sitting by the door, pressed the button and waited. He heard Alex's footsteps outside the door and opened it, blinking at the harsh artificial light as it hit his eyes.

"Hey," he said a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry...Was Steph pissed?"

Alex shook his head. "Nah. She offered to come, but I told her it was a bro thing." He winked at Sebastian. "So..." he stepped inside and looked around. "Want me to check for monsters under the bed?"

Sebastian smiled. "Would you judge me if I said yes?"

Alex paused for a moment, pretended to contemplate it, then shrugged. "Not really. Did I tell you about that time Steph convinced me to watch _The Fly_? I didn't sleep for _two days_. And bugs still freak me out."

He let himself fall on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. "So...do you wanna hang or shall I just...uh, stake out while you sleep? I don't mind if that's what you want."

Sebastian shook his head and sat down next to him. "I'm too wired to sleep," he said honestly.

Alex shrugged and smiled at him. "No problem."

They sat in silence for a while. With someone else in the apartment, the noises suddenly didn't seem so bad.

"I just couldn't shut off," Sebastian said, breaking the silence. "Everything here just sounds so loud. There are always people coming and going, opening and slamming doors...and upstairs had a pre going out party and it just put me on edge, you know?"

Alex nodded. "I get that. Party people...I guess it reminds you of the bar. _Bars_ -" he corrected. He looked around. "You know, an extra lock is never a bad idea in New York," he mused.

Sebastian pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah...would you come with me tomorrow to get a couple?" He paused. "Oh, wait - it's Saturday...I guess you have to work, never mind."

Alex shrugged. "No, it's cool. Steph's gonna call me in sick. She's the _best_." He grinned. "She figured if we're gonna pull an all-nighter it'd be best not to show up at Sprinkles half-dead. Though _why_ people need cupcake deliveries at 8 am is a mystery to me anyway." He frowned. "Although...they _would_ make an awesome breakfast..."

He looked at Sebastian. "I'm hungry now. Got something to eat that's not stinky cheese?"

Sebastian followed Alex's bizarre stream of consciousness and laughed fondly. "Help yourself. Marc and Paul stocked my fridge for me before they left...you might have to cook something...or there might be a bag of Doritos or something." He sighed. "Sorry I'm not a very good host."

Alex got up. "Man, I wish _my_ doctor would get me Doritos," he joked, walking to the kitchen. "Alright, alright, cool, cool, cool," he mumbled, looking at the contents of Sebastian's fridge. "I can work with this. Do you want something too? A late dinner or a very early breakfast? You know, peanut butter can be _anything_. It's so versatile."

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. "I'm good, thanks."

And he was. Having Alex in the apartment made him relax instantly.

"Thanks for coming over dude, I mean it...I'm not normally so pathetic..."

"I know that," Alex replied offhandedly, with his mouth full of peanut butter sandwich. He chewed and swallowed. "I only hang out with cool dudes."

He walked back to the couch with a plate that held more sandwiches and set it down on the coffee table. He settled down next to Sebastian and looked at him.

"It's OK," he offered, a little more serious. "You don't have to pretend to be fine, you know. It's me, Al. You're always gonna be cooler than me no matter what you do."

"That's not true," Sebastian said. "You're a cool guy Alex, you're my best friend."

Alex smiled at him dopily.

"There's no one else I could have called. Alice would probably have blamed Kurt again for leaving me alone..." He scowled bitterly. "Kurt would have panicked and dropped anything to come over and Paul and Marc would have whisked me off home..."

Alex pulled up his shoulder. "Yeah, but... just because they care," he said. "I know Alice is taking this a little hard, but Kurt is just...he's in Captain America mode for you."

"I know, and I love him for it," Sebastian said, then paused. "But Alice is really pissing me off. I know she's taking it hard. But none of this is Kurt's fault."

Alex scrunched up his lips and thoughtfully reached for another sandwich. "I'm not a psychologist," he said, "but I guess...attacking someone who's around is easier than being angry about some faceless strangers."

He quickly added: "I'm not saying it's right! Just...that she feels powerless, I guess."

Sebastian scowled. "Still, it's not Kurt's fault." He picked up a sandwich and pulled it apart.

"Speaking of psychology...Paul wants to help me find a shrink to talk to…" He breathed in and held it for a moment. I think I'm gonna do it. Apparently, I have a lot of stuff I need to work through." He nodded at the room and at Alex - if he was fine, he wouldn't have needed to call in the troops. "He also suggested  'group therapy'. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now, I don't know..."

Alex considered it. "Maybe it'll be easier to tell your story to a group of strangers than it was telling us?" he suggested. "And you already managed that, so... if they're dicks about it, you just tell them to go to hell and leave."

Sebastian hummed. "I didn't _want_ to tell you guys though," he said. "I might have eventually…but not like that, not _then._ "

"Yeah, I know," Alex replied. He was quiet for a while. "Maybe you don't have to talk right away, though. You could just listen to the others and...I don't know. Feel less alone with it?" He shrugged. "I mean, you can talk to me but it's not the same. I can only imagine what it must have been like."

Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a short breath. "I-I still don't fully remember, myself. I don't even know how many…"

He looked at Alex, hoping he'd understand without him having to explain, but how could he? Sebastian pushed on.

"I think I remember my _date_ ," he scoffed, and shook his head, "and some of his friends. But there are _gaps_. I don't know how long I was in that bathroom for, I don't know how many other guys came in and decided to have a go at me-"

Alex breathed in sharply, his sandwich forgotten.

"...I don't know _anything._ What about the bartender? Did he join in? Did the taxi driver take me straight back home or make a stop along the way? Christ, my mind is driving me so crazy I don't even know if the _Warblers_ were in on it."

"You can't think like that!" Alex protested. "Not _everyone_ would do that to someone!"

"Wouldn't they?" Sebastian asked. "If they _knew_ they could get away with it, without repercussions?"

Alex shook his head. "No. No, I don't believe that," he said firmly. "I _refuse_ to believe that."

Sebastian swallowed hard. "Be glad you have that luxury. I don't. My mind keeps coming up with the wildest theories, especially at night."

He paused. "The fact is: I will never find out. And that's the thing that gets me most. All I have is _nightmares_ and they're not reliable. I know that I was ill for days, which Paul says sort of proves that I was drugged - and it _hurt_ for about a week, but...after that, it was like it never happened. And they all got away with it because I had no idea."

He shivered and pulled his sleeves down over his hands. "Just like this time. My concussion has gone, my hand will be healed in another week or so, and then...what? I go back to school, back to work, and just hope that it doesn't happen again?"

"They might catch the guys-" Alex started, but Sebastian shut him down.

"Yeah. Maybe they will, maybe they won't. But it hardly matters. This wasn't a coincidence, Al. Those guys in Ohio saw me and _knew_. And this time, too, in New York. There's something about _me_ that sends out a signal. Like, 'do whatever you want to me' or 'free for all'. I'm not buff like Danny or aloof like Kurt. I am just a kid they can pull from the bar and do whatever they want with. Like the police implied...they know I've been with so many guys it doesn't matter anymore."

He shivered. "The worst thing is, I _cultivated_ that look for _years_ . But not like that...it was always consensual. Plus, now that I am with Kurt, I don't want to be like that anymore. I only want _him,_ but it's like I have a target painted on me. How _the hell_ am I ever going to feel safe again?"

Alex blinked away the tears that had welled up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Seb," he said quietly. "For what it's worth...I think Paul's right. You should talk to someone. Other than me or Kurt- someone who knows what to say. This stuff...it's too much to deal with on your own. It will _really_ drive you crazy. There has to be a way to stop torturing yourself with these thoughts."

"Like what? _Meditation_?" Sebastian scoffed again. "Are they gonna make me so _zen_ I'm not gonna be afraid anymore?"

"Yeah. No. I don't know," Alex admitted. "But there has to be _something._ "

"I wish I wasn't gay,"  Sebastian said bitterly.

"Dude," Alex started, eyes wide. He moved to place a hand on Sebastian's shoulder but Sebastian shrugged out of his grip.

"No, I mean it. If I wasn't gay, my grandparents wouldn't have kicked me out and I'd have never moved to America and then none of this would have happened. I'd have been happy and safe..."

Alex frowned. "No. If your grandparents were _decent people_ they wouldn't have kicked you out!" he said loudly, sitting up and nearly knocking over his plate. "Jesus, Seb..." He broke off and sighed.

"Listen, I get where this is coming from, but...it doesn't work that way. If you hadn't moved to America, you might have choked to death on a croissant in Paris the next day and poof, no more Sebastian." He pointed his finger at his friend angrily. "And don't you _dare_ say that's a better scenario than coming here and meeting _me_. Uh. And Kurt."

Sebastian flushed and realised what he'd said. "Of course I'm glad I met you, and Kurt is...I thank god every day for him...but things would have been so much _simpler_..." He sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. God, could you imagine _me_ being straight?" He laughed a little again.

Alex shuddered exaggeratedly. "You'd totally be dating Steph. _Not cool_ , dude."

He held the stern gaze for a second, then grew serious again. "I never had a friend like you, Seb. I feel like I can tell you anything and you wouldn't....I don't know. Think less of me? And to hear you say these things about yourself, about not wanting to be _you_ \- it's like...it hurts, man. You're good the way you are. It's _them_ that did something wrong, not you. No matter what the police said, or what your mind makes up at night."

Sebastian smiled at him and released his sleeves. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I'll try to remember that when the voices start."

Alex returned his smile and picked up another sandwich.

"I feel the same you know, I've never had a friend like you either," Sebastian added.

"One who comes round in the middle of the night to eat your food?" Alex joked, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"No," Sebastian replied honestly. "One who comes round in the middle of the night, no questions asked, and helps chase the monsters away."

Alex raised his sandwich in a salute. It felt good to know he could help, even if it was just a little bit.

"So..." he said after a while. "Netflix? I think it has Independence Day."

"Why not, maybe we'll fall asleep."

-

In the end, Sebastian _did_ manage to fall asleep. He jumped awake a couple of times, but the sight of Alex curled up at the end of his sofa reassured him and he drifted off again easily.

The sun rose high in the morning and both boys woke to the sound of their phones chiming. They smiled at each other and reached for the small devices.

Sebastian had four messages, one each from Marc, Kurt and Paul asking how he was and how his night had been and one from Alice asking him to hang out. He fired off quick responses to the first three and paused on his response to Alice.

He missed her, and knew that he should clear the air with her before school started, but he was still mad and wasn't in the mood for any more confrontation.

"Breakfast?" he said to Alex.

"Is that a trick question?" Alex mumbled, stretching his back and groaning. "I had the tune of that last thing we watched in my head all night. So annoying. How did you sleep?"

Sebastian shrugged. "Not great, but every time I woke up and saw you, it calmed me down."

He liked that he could talk honestly with Alex. Most straight guys would flee if he said something like that.

"How's Steph? You'll tell her I'm sorry for stealing her man, right?"

Alex checked his phone and typed a reply. "She says hi, and that my boss is a dick. Well, I already knew that." He looked up from his phone and smiled. "But she gave me an alibi so I am free to hang out with you today and turn this place into Fort Knox." He breathed in. "I should probably shower before we go anywhere, though."

Sebastian smiled. "First stop, iHop? The least I can do after calling you out in the middle of the night is treat you to breakfast."

" _Yes_!" Alex agreed happily. "For that, I'll be here same time tomorrow, too!" He winked and hummed the Ghostbuster song.

Sebastian smiled and felt a little warm patch heal over a crack inside him.


	23. Through the Looking Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice and Sebastian finally make up, and Kurt gets a roommate.

Alice looked at the door of the cafe again. The croissants in front of her smelled delicious, but she knew she couldn't start before Sebastian got there. She was very grateful he was giving her another chance. He had been very standoffish (and with right), but she hoped to get back on his good side before classes started again, otherwise it might be very awkward.

A couple came in. Alice sighed and looked at her phone again, checking for messages. Nothing from Sebastian.

She had rehearsed a few things to say. It felt weird to be nervous meeting her best friend. Was he even still her best friend? Alice knew she had messed up bad, and with incredibly bad timing. He was hurting, and she had made it worse. She had made up her mind to do better - a lot better.

The next time the little bell on the door chimed, it was Sebastian. She looked up and smiled shyly, putting her hand up to draw his attention.

Sebastian noticed her as soon as he entered the cafe. She was smiling nervously. He nodded to indicate that he'd seen her and joined the queue to order their coffees.

Sebastian had told Alex during breakfast that Alice wanted to meet up and Alex had encouraged him to do so.

So he had asked her to meet him at the cafe just down the road from his apartment and Alex had dropped him off.

Once he had their coffees balanced on a tray - baring most of the weight with his good hand and just using his bad one for balance - he made his way over to the table and set the tray down.

"Hey," he said softly. "Usual?"

"Thank you! I got croissants!" Alice said eagerly, half-getting up from her seat to help until she saw Sebastian could manage. She took a deep breath and let it out, keeping her smile up. "So, is it good to be back at your place?" she asked hopefully.

Sebastian sat down and got himself comfy before answering.

"Actually, I had to call Alex in the middle of the night..." he started. "I guess I'm not ready to be on my own yet. Kurt was working," he added quickly. "And I didn't want to disturb him."

Alice frowned a little but tried to keep herself from saying anything. She didn't understand why he was keeping Kurt out of it; as far as she was concerned, it was his job to look after Seb, and that was more important than his work at the bar.

"And was that...okay?" she asked. Alex and Seb got along well, but she suspected Alex's idea of keeping him company was booze and take-out...not exactly a solution for every night.

Sebastian thought about the previous night and smiled. "Yeah, he helped keep the monsters at bay."

He sipped his drink. "How's the new apartment?"

Alice smiled. "Good. The hot water situation is a bit tricky but Brody's a gentleman and always lets me shower first, so..."

She picked up a croissant and tore off one of the ends. "There's some good food places nearby too, Thai and Italian, and a vegan soup thing; I think I'm already addicted to their fennel-almond soup! You should try it soon."

Sebastian held his croissant on the plate with his right hand and used the left one to slice it open.

"I'd like that," he said quietly. "Sounds like something Kurt might like too." He awkwardly spread some jam along one side of the croissant and tore a bit off.

"Uh...yes, of course. Kurt can come too," Alice quickly added. "I didn't think he'd want to, but he's welcome, of course."

"Why wouldn't he want to?" Sebastian asked a little shortly. He knew what she was hinting at and he was willing to discuss it, but he wasn't going to make it easy for her.

Alice fidgeted in her chair. "Well, because I- because _he_..." she started. She gave her friend a pleading look, but he wouldn't budge. She tried again. "I got the impression he was very angry with me for, um...you know. Making you tell us."

Sebastian ate another piece of croissant and looked at her. "He is, but he's still your friend."

He sipped his coffee. "I'm still angry too, just for the record…" he paused. "You couldn't have just let it go? I _told_ you I wasn't ready to talk about it. Kurt told you too!"

Alice lowered her head. "I know. _I know._ I'm so sorry, Seb. I- I don't know what came over me. I just thought...you were treading so carefully around Kurt, you still are! It seemed like something bad had happened between you two, and you were afraid to tell us because of him. I figured that if you did, you'd feel better. So I pushed...like...ripping off a band-aid."

Sebastian felt the colour drain from his face and he glared at her.

"I'm going to say this _once_ ," he said in a level voice. "And then I am never saying it again. Kurt has been nothing but supportive throughout this _whole_ thing. He has been by my side every step of the way and everything he does is with my best interests at heart."

He swallowed. "I love him, and he loves me. You are my sister and I will always need you, but he is the love of my life and you need to stop accusing him of things he has never and would never do."

"Look, I know I made a mistake, okay?" Alice let out in frustration.

"This isn't the only time this has happened Alice. It might be the worst, but it's not the first."

Alice opened her mouth to speak but Sebastian held up his hand.

"When Kurt and I got together after my birthday you attacked him because you thought we'd had sex when I was drunk. When I couldn't come to the film festival because I had the flu, and you accused Kurt of not letting me go with you. When you went all out on Kurt after making a joke about Bionade when it's usually your _own_ boyfriend making jokes about that stuff…" He ticked them off on his fingers, then lowered his hand.

"Also, Kurt told me that when he turned you guys away at Marc and Paul's door that first day, you asked him if his feelings for me had changed after what happened...do you really think so little of him that you would think he could ever do that? Has he not proven himself a million times over? After everything _he_ has been through?"

Alice was speechless for a moment. "I don't think that little of him," she whispered. "I think that much of _you._ " She crumbled her croissant into small pieces absentmindedly.

"I know Kurt's a good guy. He's a great guy. I knew from the moment I first met him that you'd be good together. I guess I just...hold everyone around you to an incredibly high standard, because I don't want you to get hurt."

Sebastian looked at her sternly. "Well, you need to stop putting me on a pedestal. I'm not perfect - _nobody_ is. And you putting me up there and holding everyone to such high standards, is _what_ hurts. It's not fair to me, nor to the people I care about - and that includes _you_ and Brody." He saw her lip tremble as she nodded, and finally felt his walls break down. He reached his good hand over the table and placed it over hers.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was wrong, and I am so sorry."

"I know," Sebastian replied, sighing. "And I love you for looking out for me, but you can put the sword away, okay? I promise to tell you if you need to draw it, but hurting me is the last thing Kurt would ever do." He squeezed her hand. "How would you feel if I jumped down Brody's throat constantly? Always second guessing his actions?"

Alice pressed her lips tightly together and looked at him with a guilty expression. "Awful," she admitted. Then she offered him a cheeky smile. "Because _I_ am the only one who gets to complain about Brody."

"Exactly," Sebastian said smiling. "The same goes with Kurt."

He paused and the smile slipped from his face again. "I need you in my life, Alice, but he is my world, and if you attack him, you're attacking me. Please don't ever make me choose between you."

Alice nodded. "I understand," she said quietly, and she did. She read the underlying message as clear as if he'd written it down in front of her. If it ever came to a choice...he'd pick Kurt. The realisation was sobering. She vowed to never put Sebastian in that position again. She turned her hand under his so her palm was facing up. "Truce?"

Sebastian squeezed her hand. "Truce. Now, how about we finish up here, and you show me how small your apartment really is?"

He grinned at her.

"I'd love to!" Alice replied, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. "I didn't clean up though!"

Sebastian raised his eyebrow and smirked. "When do you ever?"

Alice's jaw dropped in a very exaggerated 'O'. "I _clean_!" she protested. "...for special occasions. Like when my mom is coming over." She grinned. It already felt a little bit like having her best friend back.

-

On Sunday morning, Kurt looked over the outfits he had laid out on the bed. He started back at NYADA the following day, and he was sorting through his clothes trying to find the right thing to wear. Most people would probably do it in the evening, but he wasn't most people - Kurt Hummel was an excessive planner. Plus, this way he'd still have all day to change his mind or do a load of laundry if needed.

He was happy with his choice however. He wanted his look to show confidence and style, but he had also chosen it based on the things he felt he had to hide behind his layers; worry, stress, and less muscle mass than he started the summer holidays with. He felt even less prepared to go to NYADA than when Madame Tibideaux made him start halfway through the year.

He walked to the kitchen to make himself a herbal tea and checked his phone while the water boiled. He smiled softly. He had one new notification - a message from Sebastian asking if he was awake and if he could come over. Kurt sent a quick reply and set his phone back down, the smile on his face widening.

He missed Sebastian already. It had only been a day and a half, but after spending the entire summer together, not having his boyfriend around now felt like a large part of himself was missing.

He set two mugs down on the counter and resisted the urge to check his phone again. Yesterday, Alice had checked herself and Sebastian in on Facebook at the cafe near Sebastian's place, and he was anxious to know how it had gone. While Kurt was still angry with her, he knew that her friendship meant a lot to his boyfriend and that he missed her.

Sebastian had sent him a message later that evening to say he was at her and Brody's new apartment, so Kurt hoped it meant they had made up. He walked into the living room, checked his hair in the mirror, and sat down while he waited for Sebastian to arrive.

-

Sebastian bit his lip nervously as his cab navigated through Sunday lunchtime traffic.

He had ended up spending the evening with Alice and Brody and then stayed the night on their futon that pulled out into a single bed. Their apartment really was tiny, but Alice was good with space - even if she wasn't the tidiest of people - and it felt cosy and welcoming.

After a shared breakfast, Brody had dropped him off at his place on his way to meet up with some old friends from NYADA.

At home, Sebastian had once again been confronted with the empty space, the noises, and his demons. He knew he wasn't ready to do face them by himself yet, so he had done the first thing he could think of: text Kurt. After his reply, Sebastian had packed a bag and called a cab.

 _Just one more night,_ he told himself as the cab driver pulled up on the street outside Kurt's apartment. _One more, and then you need to get over this, Smythe. You're not a baby. You've lived on your own long enough not to be afraid of the dark anymore._

"Thanks," he said to the driver, handing over some money and waving away the need for change. He shouldered his bag as he stepped out of the car and picked up the two Subway bags he had brought for their lunch.

He climbed the stairs to Kurt's floor, panting slightly as he got to the top, and knocked on the door apprehensively.

Kurt opened the door and spotted the food. With a smile, he said: "Oh, you're much cuter than my usual delivery boy! Just a quickie then, my boyfriend is coming over soon."

Sebastian smiled fondly at Kurt, his doubts and self-loathing leaving him for a moment. Playfully, he pretended to hesitate. "Are you sure? Word on the street is that your boyfriend is a big beefy macho sort...wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of him!"

"I'm worth the risk," Kurt said confidently, and winked at him. Then, he dropped the act and stepped aside to let Sebastian in.

"How was your day so far?"

Sebastian stepped passed Kurt into the apartment. "Okay," he shrugged. "I bought lunch," he said unnecessarily, and handed Kurt the bags so that he could removed his coat and put his backpack down.

"How about yours? How was work?"

"It was good," Kurt replied, bringing the food over to the table. "I had bar one with Danny. Boy, he really knows how to reel those phone numbers in! I'd never seen him in action like that before...I don't think anyone even noticed I was there too." He offered Sebastian a smile. "Not that I cared, of course," he added, "but he's kind of a tip-stealer, isn't he?"

He walked to the kitchen to take out two large plates for the subs.

"Your regulars were asking for you...They all wish you a speedy recovery."

Sebastian flexed his wrist, which was still strapped to a splint. "That was nice of them...and yeah, Danny certainly gets the numbers...he _is_ the only single one now after all." He grinned a little and moved to lean against the counter.

"Alice and Brody say hello...I ended up staying at their new place last night...it really is small. You could fit it into this place twice."

Kurt smiled. "So you two made up?" he asked carefully.

Sebastian shrugged. "Yeah...kind of. I figured I should clear the air before school starts, she's in so many of my classes - but I set her straight and she apologised..."

Sebastian looked at him sadly. "I also told her off for jumping down your throat all the time, because that had really started to piss me off."

"Thanks," Kurt said. "I think coming from you, she'll listen." He let out a huff of breath, feeling relieved they had settled that. It was one thing less to worry about.

"Shall we eat?" he suggested.

During lunch, he told Sebastian a few more details about his evening at Satire; the large order that fell through before he could even finish it, the two under age boys that had managed to sneak in around Terry and who were carried out under Terry's arms, the private function that Marc was bar tending for at bar two that demanded thrice the usual order of lemons...Kurt kept his stories light and did not mention how he'd kept within an arm's length of the panic button at all times. Nothing had happened, so there was nothing for Sebastian to worry about.

After they finished their food, Kurt made tea and they settled down on the couch. Kurt still had a stack of magazines he wanted to look through before returning to Vogue, and Sebastian had brought a novel. All that was missing was the dogs.

Sebastian stretched out along the sofa and rested his feet in Kurt's lap. Kurt had his propped up on the coffee table and for a while they read in a companionable silence.

Every so often Kurt would pull Sebastian from his book to show him a particular item of clothing or catwalk look that stood out to him. It felt easy, relaxed...it felt like home.

But as the afternoon slowly dwindled into the evening, Sebastian began to feel nervous. He knew Kurt wouldn't mind him spending the night, and the fact that Sebastian had brought his things over kind of showed that he planned to. Still, he felt he had to ask.

"Um, babe?" he said quietly.

"Hmm?" Kurt said looking up from his magazine.

"Can I...is it okay if I stay tonight?"

Kurt frowned. "Of course, you don't need to ask." He paused. This seemed like more than just a casual sleepover. "Are you okay?"

Sebastian let out a shaky breath. "Um...no...Turns out I don't do so well on my own." He blushed a little. "I thought I could handle it...but I can't."

Kurt briefly closed his eyes, grateful for Sebastian talking to him after the time they had spent trying to mask their pain from each other. When he opened his eyes, he offered him a warm smile. "Is that why you spent the night at Alice's?" he asked gently.

Sebastian shrugged. "Not intentionally, but maybe, yes. On Friday, I, uh, had to call Alex in the middle of the night and he hung out with me until we fell asleep." He bit his lip. "I know I promised to call you, and I _wanted_ to...but I also knew you were working and I really didn't want to disturb you...I'm sorry." He looked at Kurt guiltily. "I guess...I'm not as brave as I thought."

Kurt breathed in and checked his response. Sebastian was here now, that was enough.  "I think _that_ was very brave," he said softly. "Asking for help is not for the fainthearted."

He was glad that Alex had shown up. He knew from experience that it wasn't easy to sit with Sebastian while he was working through his dark thoughts. "Alex is a good friend," he mused.

Sebastian smiled. "He is. He made peanut butter sandwiches and we sat and talked."

He paused. "I never noticed how many noises there were...Marc and Paul are so lucky being that high above the city. Their place is so _quiet_ and peaceful."

"Mmm...lucky...and loaded. It takes a serious paycheck to rise that high," Kurt mused.

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah, it does. I think Paul comes from money, though. He told me he inherited a lot when his parents died, and he's a world class pediatric surgeon, so he _does_ make a hefty paycheck too…" He paused, thinking about the way Marc and Paul lived. Then his mind turned back to them.

"We'll get there one day," he added, "you'll make it big on Broadway and I'll get tenure as a college professor, and we'll be set."

Kurt smiled. "I like that," he agreed, and sighed. "But until then, all my paycheck can afford is a white noise machine." He squeezed Sebastian's hand. "Which I am happy to share with you."

Sebastian grinned. "Thanks, babe."

They sat for a moment, and then Kurt checked his watch. "Speaking of Broadway, though...I should be getting ready for bed. My first class is at 9 tomorrow, and I have to be there half an hour early to help Mr Hura."

Sebastian nodded. "That's okay, I'm knackered," he said honestly. "I think I'll be able to sleep, too."

Kurt smiled. "Good. Give me a few minutes to clean up my bedroom. I wasn't expecting company tonight." He kissed Sebastian's cheek. "Gotta hide the boyfriend pillow," he joked, and got up to clear away his outfits.

Sebastian grinned. "Replacing me so easily, babe?" he joked back. He knew about the pillow and thought it was cute. Back before they got together it had been something that Sebastian teased Kurt mercilessly about.

"A boy has needs," Kurt replied airily, walking to the bedroom.

Sebastian froze. He smiled a little, but he felt like ice inside. He knew Kurt was joking but he couldn't help the twinge his heart gave at Kurt's words.

Of course he had needs. Since the day they got together, they hadn't gone more than 48 hours without some form of intercourse, and it had now been almost a month. Yet he was being so gentle and patient...Sebastian knew it must be torture for Kurt to be this close to the person he loved yet not being allowed to touch him. He _knew_ how Kurt felt about intimacy, how much, for him, it was coupled with love and attraction and self-worth.

And even though for the longest time, sex had been separate from any of that for Sebastian, sex had taken on a new meaning for him too. Being intimate with Kurt was an affirmation of their feelings for each other - a way to connect on a deeper level than simply talking. _Feeling_ the way they love each other, without having to put it into words. He missed it sorely.

Sebastian sighed, frustrated. He really wished he could just move passed this. It was frustrating them both.

 _Maybe therapy will help_ , he thought to himself.

He followed Kurt into the bedroom when he was called and they got ready for bed.

As they were curled up together, Kurt wondered if they still needed the extra pillow. "Do you want to try sleeping like this?" he asked softly.

Sebastian settled his head against Kurt's chest and hummed a little."I'd like to try," he said, "but...maybe not exactly like this."

He moved away from Kurt to settle on his own side of the bed, rolling onto his side and looking at Kurt with his arm out, hoping Kurt would take the hint.

Kurt smiled, and settled himself in Sebastian's arms, enjoying the feel of his warmth against his back. "Will you stay with me?" he asked drowsily.

Sebastian tightened his arm around Kurt, being careful to not jostle his splint, and kissed Kurt's shoulder.

"For the night?" he whispered. The warmth radiating off of Kurt, and the feeling of safety that came from having him close, allowed Sebastian's brain to relax for the first time since leaving Marc and Paul's. He felt sleep settle over him like a warm blanket.

"Forever," Kurt sighed, his eyes already closed.

Sebastian paused, his eyes wide. Kurt words echoed vaguely from his birthday night. He smiled and felt his heart swell.

He'd only meant to spend the night with Kurt, one more night of indulging himself and catching up on sleep before trying to get back to his own place.

If Kurt was serious however, he might not need to after all.

He kissed Kurt's shoulder again. "I'll stay as long as you want me to," he whispered. "I love you."

For a moment, Kurt was quiet, and Sebastian thought he had fallen asleep.

"I love you too," Kurt finally whispered, and suddenly, it seemed the noise of the city around them had gone quiet.


	24. Back Into the Fray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the first day of NYADA and NYU, and Sebastian and Kurt try to settle back into their regular lives, with their friends, teachers and each other.

The noise of Kurt's alarm stirred Sebastian awake on Monday morning. He kept his eyes closed as his body moved into the land of the conscious and allowed his other senses to scope out his surroundings.

He could hear the movement of early morning commuters outside in the street. The smell of Kurt's shower gel filled his nostrils and the solid mass of his sleeping boyfriend in his arms almost lulled him back to sleep.

Suddenly, Sebastian's eyes flew open. Kurt was still in his arms, their bodies tangled together in the cocoon of the duvet. He had made it through the night without any nightmares.

He grinned and squeezed Kurt's waist happily. It had worked!

"Mmm...hit snooze, I don't even hear the dogs yet," Kurt mumbled, refusing to move. As the alarm continued, Kurt realised why it was going off, and where they were. He reached out for his nightstand, trying to reach it without pulling away from Sebastian's arms too much, and switched off the noise. Then, he turned around to look at his boyfriend.

"Hey...."

Sebastian grinned at him and ran his hand up and down Kurt's back. "Hey," he whispered, kissing him gently.

"How was your night?" Kurt asked.

"Good," Sebastian said, and kissed Kurt again. "No nightmares."

Kurt sighed happily. "I'm glad." He brushed a lock of hair off Sebastian's forehead. "Do you want to snooze for a bit while I shower? I'll probably need more time than you do."

"Actually," Sebastian said shyly. "Could we maybe just lay and kiss a little?"

He felt silly for asking, but after everything that had happened, he felt like he should. He didn't think he was ready for anything more, but in that moment he just wanted to be close to Kurt and feel a little of that connection again.

"Oh! Um...yes, okay," Kurt said, a little surprised. "Of course."

He offered Sebastian a shy smile and leaned in to kiss him. It felt familiar and new at the same time. He let Sebastian take the lead, careful not to overstep again as he had done before.

Sebastian smiled and slid his hand up round the back of Kurt's neck, holding him there gently. He kissed him once, twice, three times and held the pressure for a moment.

In a way, it felt like his first ever kiss.

"This is nice," Kurt whispered. "This is how I want to start every day from now on."

His alarm went off again and he let out a frustrated huff of breath.

Sebastian smiled. "You can, if you want...When I came over yesterday, it was with the intention of only making it one night, but...I don't know...I don't think I want to go home. Did you mean it? When you told me to stay?"

Kurt felt butterflies swirl up in his stomach. "Yes, I meant it," he said. "Do you want to move in with me?"

Sebastian couldn't fight the grin that spread over his face and the sense of relief that washed over him. "Yes," he whispered. "I do."

He kissed Kurt again, soft and gentle but with meaning. Butterflies fluttered inside him too. It was the first time he'd felt truly happy in a month.

As Kurt's alarm went off a third time, they finally got up. Paul was coming to pick Sebastian up later, and neither of them couldn't afford to be late on the first day of the new semester.

-

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked an hour later, looking around the corner of the bathroom. He felt about as nervous as Sebastian looked.

Kurt hiked his bag up on his shoulder. Going back to NYADA felt strange - like going back to a different world. One where they cared about what he wore, how he presented himself. A world where time was measured in bars and counts of eight, and not in hours between meds, dog walks and nightmares. He didn't feel ready. He hadn't worked out since the incident at Satire, and although he had joked about watching his food intake to put a smile on Sebastian's face, he knew Ms July was going to roast him alive in his first class.

The only thing he had worked on with Marc's gym equipment was his stage combat skills, but not in a way that would benefit him at his new TA job. Kurt had been practising how to use his theatrical skills in an actual fight. He had no intention to ever stand by idly again.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian had been staring into the free standing mirror in the corner of the room looking at his reflection. The bruise on his head was almost completely gone now and hopefully the splint would be removed on Saturday, pending x-ray results.

There would no longer be any visible signs that something had happened. Yet, under the surface, he still felt broken. Knowing he could stay here with Kurt helped. He wouldn't have to be alone again. But Kurt couldn't come to school with him, and aside from hanging with his friends the day before, he hadn't been out in public without Kurt, Marc or Paul since the attack.

"Bas?"

"Hmm?" he said shaking himself from his reverie.

"It's time to go," Kurt said gently. "Paul just called. He said he's waiting in the car because he is double-parked." He offered Sebastian his hand. "It'll be okay."

Sebastian looked at Kurt and heaved a sigh, his happy bubble from an hour ago popping. He nodded and picked up his school bag, slinging it over his shoulder before taking Kurt's hand.

"I know."

-

Paul climbed out of his car as they stepped onto the street.. "Hey," he said cheerfully, taking Sebastian's bag from him. "Do you want a ride as well, Kurt?"

Kurt hesitated. Before he knew Sebastian was coming over, he had planned to use the time on the subway to go over his notes from last semester. In the car, with Paul, he'd probably feel tempted to make small talk instead. He glanced at Sebastian. "It's kind of a detour..." he said, trailing off.

Sebastian smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "You don't have to, babe," he said quietly. He knew Kurt liked his alone-time on the way to school.

Kurt pressed his lips into a thin smile. "Okay. Then I'll see you after class, okay?" He reached up to kiss Sebastian's lips. "Roomie." His eyes twinkled.

Sebastian smiled and felt the happy bubble from earlier that morning fill up a little again. "Have a good day. I love you."

"I love you too," Kurt said grinning.

Sebastian kissed Kurt again and backed away. He waved a little before sliding into the front passenger seat.

"Roomies, huh?" Paul said shutting his door behind him. He glanced at Sebastian from the side before starting the engine. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days…"

Sebastian snorted and shook his head. "It's not like that. We're not...I still can't..." He paused and sighed. "Turns out, that I, like...panic when I'm home alone. So I'm...moving in with Kurt."

He avoided looking at Paul, knowing he'd likely ask why Sebastian hadn't call him and Marc.

"Hmm." Paul took a turn and focused on traffic for a moment. "Well, that's, um, good, I think," he finally said. "I mean, you're welcome to come back to us, but I do understand you'd rather live with your partner than with your, um - family."

Sebastian felt a different kind of warmth settle inside of him. _Family_. He knew he saw _them_ as family, but it still caught him by surprise every time he was reminded that they thought of him as such too.

"Thank you. I will definitely still come and stay over sometimes," Sebastian promised. "I love you both and I really appreciate what you've done for me. You've secured yourselves a dog-sitter for life!"

Paul grinned and nodded. He stopped in front of a red light and turned to face Sebastian. "Did you talk specifics yet? Are you gonna give notice on your apartment? Is Kurt's place big enough for the two of you? Living together in close quarters really is a test on any relationship."

He didn't want to put Sebastian off moving in with Kurt. He knew it was a natural step in any relationship and they _had_ already been practically living together all summer. But still, it was one thing to imitate living together and another entirely to commit to it.

He remembered when he and Marc moved in together - and how long it had taken for them to get used to each other.

Sebastian blinked and shook his head. "We haven't talked logistics yet," he said honestly. "We literally just mentioned it this morning. I think I'd like to keep my place for a while, just whilst we see how it goes...uh...so...details pending.."

Paul nodded, relaxing a little. "What classes have you got today?" he asked."

Sebastian looked at him. "Race, Civil War and Reconstruction, Alex is in it too...it's funny, he keeps saying he doesn't know what he's gonna major in...but at this rate he'll end up with a double major like me. He's in _all_ of my classes." He shook his head and chuckled.

"Well, he could go in many directions with both of those," Paul offered. "So can you."

"I know, that's why I chose it…I don't know what I want to do exactly, but this gives me options you know?"

Paul smiled. "What about your other friends?"

"They're both English majors, we have the same class this afternoon."

"Well, that sounds good. It means you'll have someone around while you're there."

"Yeah…" Sebastian said, trailing off to look out of the window. He picked his bandage nervously.

"This is me reminding you not to pick at your splints," Paul said, keeping his eyes on traffic but reaching out to place a hand over Sebastian's. They drove for a while, then Paul sighed and removed his hand. He remembered the promise he had made to Marc. Less doctor, more dad.

"I‘m sure they‘ll be happy to see you, even Alice...I bet she misses you," he offered. "And afterwards, you‘ll have the lecture to talk about."

Sebastian nodded. "I know...and Alice and I cleared the air Saturday. I'm just...nervous?" he said with a lilt so it sounded like a question. "It's a busy campus at the best of times, but it's first week back and there'll be all the freshers stalls as well..."

"And the freshmen will be very intimidated by such a handsome Junior, and will probably be too shy to ask you for directions," Paul said kindly. "You can do this, Seb."

He hesitated for a moment, then pushed on. "If you _do_ feel anxious in the crowd, it would be good to mention that during your first therapy session," he said. "To work on, I mean. You're too young to, uh - become a recluse, I think."

Sebastian half-smirked at him and nodded. Paul was right; he _couldn't_ cave in on himself and stay inside for the rest of his life - it would mean the attackers had won. That didn't make it any easier though.

"My first group session is this Wednesday," he said quietly. "Alex suggested that maybe the first time I just sit and listen? If I don't want to talk...but...don't they _make_ you?"

Paul shook his head. "I doubt that. You'll probably need to introduce yourself, but if you tell them your name and that you're not ready to talk yet, I think that will be enough. There wouldn't be much of a group if they scared people away at their first session."

Sebastian nodded. "I guess you're right..." he trailed off. "How are the dogs?" he asked as a way to change the subject.

"Missing the extra food you kept sneaking them under the table," Paul replied drily. "They keep sniffing at the guest room door and barking. They'll get the hint soon."

He pulled up to campus. There was a bit of a traffic jam, with a row of cars dropping people off. "Okay, here we go. Is that Alex over there?" Paul nodded at the young man in a red hoodie, eating a donut.

Sebastian looked over and noticed Alex. He smiled fondly. "Yes."

Paul put the car in park and Sebastian sunk into the chair a little, gripping his seat belt. The street was _packed_.

"One step at the time, Sebastian," Paul said. "And then just keep going until you're there."

Sebastian sucked in a breath and released it slowly. He nodded and unbuckled his belt.

"Thank you for driving me," he said. "I really appreciate it."

Paul gave him a brief nod, resisting the urge to walk him to his friend. He didn't want to embarrass him, and it would probably be better if Sebastian went out on his own. Still, it was hard. Did all parents feel this way?

"It's like the first day of school," Paul mumbled to himself after Sebastian got out. He watched until Sebastian had reached Alex, then started his engine and hit dial for Marc's number.

-

"Hey man," Alex said, dusting off his fingers. "How you doing?"

Sebastian smiled at him and secured his bag over his shoulder. "I'm..." he paused and turned back to look at Paul's car. It was still there. Paul was talking. Sebastian assumed it was Marc. Paul saw Sebastian looking and nodded reassuringly.

"I'm okay. I stayed at Alice's Saturday, and at Kurt's last night," Sebastian said.

"Good. I was a little worried I might have slept through my phone," Alex admitted. "Steph kind of missed me two nights ago, if you know what I mean, and I was pretty exhausted by the time we went to bed. Mmm!" He held up a box of donuts. "Breakfast?"

Sebastian shook his head but took a donut with a smirk. As he bit into the sugary dough, someone bumped into him and hurried passed. Sebastian's eyes went wide and he froze, unable to swallow the food in his mouth.

"Hey, watch it!!" Alex yelled after them angrily, looking ready to go after them if they reacted the wrong way. He watched with satisfaction as they scurried off quickly, then turned to Sebastian. "What a dick," he offered. "You okay?"

Sebastian closed his eyes and swallowed. He breathed deeply a few times, counting to ten in his head. He then opened his eyes and nodded.

"We should get to class, I need to sit on the outside."

"No problem," Alex replied. They walked the rest of the way in silence. Alex didn't need an explanation or an excuse from Sebastian; if this was what he needed right now, Alex would do his best to help him.

The class passed by without incident. Sebastian had managed to snag one of the aisle seats, and with Alex beside him as his buffer, he was able to concentrate on the lecture. He'd even been able to offer answers to questions and discussion topics, despite hardly studying at all.

Once the class ended, he and Alex remained seated until the crowd had dispersed.

As they stepped outside they saw Alice and Steph sitting on a bench. The girls stood up as they approached.

"Hey babe," Alex said, kissing Steph. "We ate all the donuts," he added in a whisper. "Don't tell Alice we brought any."

Sebastian watched them with a smile and turned to Alice. "Hey, how was class?"

"Interesting," Alice said, "though I am not sure someone from the UK should be teaching American Lit, it's just weird. Shouldn't they do Shakespeare or something?"

"That's like saying an American shouldn't teach English Lit...and most of our professors _are_ American." Sebastian said.

"Yeah, well, maybe they shouldn't!" Alice argued. She grinned at Steph. "We should have more people from England on campus. Remember _Simon_? Oh god, everything just sounded so much sexier coming from him. I wish _all_ our teachers were British."

Steph snorted. "We wouldn't get any work done, though."

"And I wouldn't be able to understand half the lectures," Alex objected. "That Oxford slang is not for me. Plus, I'd need to enrol in all of _your_ classes too to make sure you behave," he added, winking at Steph.

Steph stuck out her tongue and held up her hand, showing him her engagement ring.

Alex smiled at her, mollified. "And don't you forget it!"

She rolled her eyes fondly and kissed his cheek.

"I wouldn't mind more British teachers," Sebastian mused. "But it depends where they're from...some of those accents are _hard_."

"That's what _she_ said," Steph quipped, shooting a glance at Alice.

Alex shook his head. "She didn't make jokes like this when we met, you know. I don't know if my influence is rubbing off on her or if she was always like this and just kept it hidden until I asked her to marry me," he mused idly. He noticed someone was about to pass their group and he casually stepped out so they wouldn't brush Sebastian.

"Where's Brody meeting us?" he asked Alice. "And is there anything on the menu without kale in it?"

"He's meeting us here," she replied, ignoring his jab at her favourite health food. "He just texted that he's just gotten off the subway."

"We don't have to get the subway, do we?" Sebastian asked nervously. "I don't-"

"No, no, there's a place a few blocks down, we can go on foot," Alice said quickly, looking worried.

Sebastian let out a breath and nodded. "Okay...sorry."

"It's okay, Seb," Steph offered.

They were all silent for a moment. No one really dared to start a new topic. Alice looked around hopefully.

"There he is!" she said in relief, waving at Brody.

"Hey guys," Brody said as he drew nearer. Alice smiled at him and returned his kiss when he offered it. He held out his hand to Sebastian in greeting. "Hey Seb. Looking good, man."

"How was your interview?" Alice asked.

"I think it went okay, I should hear by Wednesday," Brody replied.

"Oh, what were you interviewing for?" Steph asked.

"They need instructors at a dance studio for senior citizens. It's not exactly what I am looking for, but you know - Bionade is not the cheapest drink." He winked at Alice, who stuck out her tongue. "Not to mention NYADA is gonna want their tuition debts paid…" Brody continued. "So, I have to get my Patrick Swayze on for a bit and teach the rumba to some old ladies until I find something better. I have my time with Cassie on my resume, so...as long as they don't ask why she had to let me go, I think I stand a good chance."

"We're crossing our fingers," Steph said.

"Thanks. How long do you have till your next class?" Brody asked.

Alex checked his watch. "We have to be back here in about 75 minutes."

"It's a ten minute walk," Alice said, "so we can totally make it." She turned to Sebastian. "I know how much you hate rushed lunches."

"Food should never be rushed," Sebastian agreed.

"I don't know man, there's something about fitting half a can of Pringles inside your mouth in one go that's incredibly satisfying," Alex mused.

"Pringles are not _food,_ " Alice said. "It's that's so gross, you know."

"I keep telling him that!" Steph agreed.

"Alice is right, Pringles _aren't_ food...but yes, it _is_ satisfying," Sebastian said like a tired dad mediating between his quibbling kids. They started to walk together; the group silently placing themselves around Sebastian so that he wasn't jostled too much.

"Oh...I uh, have some news," he said quietly, hoping Kurt wouldn't be mad that he was telling them already. "I'm moving in with Kurt."

Steph gasped. "That's great!" she said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, that's good, man," Alex agreed. "I know you'll do well."

"Congratulations," Brody said. He felt Alice's shoulders stiffen and took her hand, squeezing it softly.

"Yeah, congratulations" she agreed quietly. "It's so far from campus, though…" She added, unable to help herself.   _I just got you back,_ she thought him her head. _Now you're moving away for_ him.

"It's only twelve minutes on the subway," Sebastian said with a small smile. "When we first started staying at each other's places, we timed it."

"Don't push," Brody whispered in her ear discreetly. "This isn't about you. And besides, in a place like New York, that still makes us practically neighbours...It takes you longer to brew your chai tea."

Alice nodded, feeling her cheeks flush. "I am really happy for you, Seb," she said, genuinely this time. Then she pointed her finger at him. "But don't have your housewarming party on the same day as ours!"

Sebastian grinned. "Wouldn't dream of it."

He bumped his shoulder against her lightly. "We haven't even talked logistics yet..." His face fell. "I just can't be in that apartment on my own..."

"The main reason you're moving in with him, though," Alex reminded him gently, "is that you love each other and you want to see each other every day, right? Like... _from this croissant on till my dying crêpe_!"

Sebastian chuckled. "Yes," he agreed. "That _is_ the main reason...I've gotten so used to him being there 24/7...not being with him feels like I'm missing an arm or something..."

"You really do love him," Alice said thoughtfully, despite everything it was only now just sinking in. Kurt was his forever.

"I really do," Sebastian said, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"He loves you too," Steph said warmly. It was nice to see Sebastian smile again.

"I know," Sebastian replied with certainty.

-

Time flew by. Between Brody's stories about his job interview, Steph and Alice bonding over foreign accents and Alex skillfully leading the topic away from things that seemed to make Sebastian sad, they bridged lunch without too much awkwardness. Every now and then, Sebastian even caught himself forgetting about the past few weeks completely. Brody walked them to their next lecture, and the afternoon was filled with learning.

After their final class, Sebastian's friends waited with him until Marc drove up. Marc flashed his lights at them once he'd parked and Alice turned to Sebastian and hugged him swiftly. "See you tomorrow," she said kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, later, dude. Say hi to Kurt for us," Alex added.

"I will," Sebastian said in a forced calm, trying not to flinch as Alice hugged him. He was only okay with physical contact if _he_ initiated it, but he didn't know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings - they'd only just reconciled and he knew she still felt guilty. He detached himself from her arms and, after checking around him, made his way across the pavement to the car. He turned and held his hand up in farewell before climbing into the front passenger seat.

"Hey," Marc said as Sebastian shut the door behind him. "How was it?"

Sebastian closed his eyes for a second, letting his body calm down. He glanced out of the window at his friends and noticed Alex talking to Alice quietly. He saw her shoulders drop and she cast him an apologetic look and nodded as Alex said something else. Sebastian breathed out.

"It was okay," he said quietly. "No real incident...And the classes are going to be interesting."

Marc smiled. "That sounds good." He started the car. "So...to Kurt's place? I mean, _yours_ and Kurt's?" Marc grinned at him. "Paul told me you moved in."

Sebastian's lips curved in a smile and he felt his cheeks warm pleasantly.

"Yes, please...though, could we maybe stop and pick up some stuff from mine first? Please? I only packed an overnight bag yesterday."

"Of course!" Marc replied. "I don't start work till eight and Paul's eating at the hospital cafeteria. I have all the time in the world."

He adjusted his course and changed lanes.

They made light chat while Marc made the short drive to Sebastian's apartment.

At the apartment, Marc helped Sebastian pack some clothes, books and other items into a suitcase and carried it back down to the car for him.

"Thanks Marc," Sebastian said once they were settled back in and pulling back out onto the street. "I don't know what I'd have done without you and Paul recently."

"You're welcome, Seb," Marc said simply. Sebastian had thanked them so much already, he had run out of things to say. It was good to know that Sebastian appreciated their help, but Marc was just happy he had _accepted_ it at all, unlike the summer before.

As they pulled up outside Kurt's - _their -_ apartment, Kurt came around the corner on foot. He smiled brightly at them as he approached. "Hey, my favourite scholar," he said, stopping next to the car.

Sebastian and Marc smiled at him.

"Hey," Sebastian said walking towards him while Marc got the suitcase out of the trunk. "How was your day?"

He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's lips.

"Sweaty," Kurt replied. "But it was okay." He was glad Sebastian looked relaxed. He'd been nervously checking his phone for messages and missed calls all day. "I will definitely need a new moisturiser, though. I took _three_ showers today in between classes."

Sebastian smirked at him. In another time he'd have made a joke about Kurt being hot and sweaty - but things were different now.

"Mind opening up the door Kurt?" Marc asked as he carried Sebastian's suitcase over.

"Oh! Yes, gosh, sorry," Kurt let out hurrying to take out his key. He had given Sebastian his spare, but it was a reminder to add him to the lease if they were really going to do this. He let Marc in and held the door open for Sebastian too.

"How was it for you?" he asked quietly, not sure if Sebastian wanted Marc to hear.

"It was okay. The classes seem like they're going to be interesting," Sebastian said with a smile. "And having Alex and the others there helped. Oh and I noticed a new Italian restaurant that's opened just down the road from campus. We didn't go in, but maybe you and I could try it...some time?"

"I'd love to!" Kurt said happily. Having Sebastian volunteer to go somewhere outside, in public, was a good sign.

They reached his floor and Kurt opened the door to his apartment. _Theirs_ , he corrected himself, and felt butterflies flutter in his stomach again. He turned to Sebastian.

"Welcome home."

Sebastian smiled at him. "You too, _roomie_ ," he said echoing Kurt's words from that morning.

Marc set the suitcase down under the coat rack and turned to face them.

"Thanks again Marc," Sebastian said. "Do you want a coffee or anything?"

"Thanks, I'm okay. I think the two of you deserve some together-time after those weeks you had to put up with my wrinkly old face." He winked at them.

" _You_ said it, not us," Kurt joked.

"Watch it!" Marc replied, chuckling. "See you boys, have a nice night."

"You too, Marc. Thanks again for taking my shift!" Kurt had originally been scheduled to work that evening, but knowing that Sebastian needed him at home, Marc had offered to take over.

"No problem. More tips for me," Marc said.

Sebastian smirked at him and Marc left with a wink.

As Kurt shut the door Sebastian felt himself fully relax. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply before opening them, and smiled at Kurt.

"You switched your shift with Marc?" he asked.

"I did," Kurt replied. "I wanted to spend the evening with you." He didn't know how they were going to make this work the coming weeks, or how long Sebastian would need to feel at home and safe on his own within their four walls, but if Joe needed to hire a replacement to fill Kurt's hours, he could find a new job. He couldn't find a new Sebastian.

Sebastian smiled and kissed him. "Thank you. I don't want you to change your life for me though, babe. I won't be like _him_."

Kurt shook his head. "You're not. You taught me to think of myself and what _I_ want - and that night at Satire has made me see very clearly where my priorities lie."

Sebastian let out a breath and took Kurt's hand. "I love you, so damn much."

The corners of Kurt's mouth twitched a little nervously. "Well, good," he said. "Or I'd be in big trouble. I only have one heart to lose."

Sebastian kissed Kurt's hand. "It's safe with me," he whispered.

Kurt smiled.

"We'll have to figure something out though babe, you can't _not_ go to work forever…"

"I know," Kurt sighed. "...but for tonight, let's not think about it?" His eyes fell on Sebastian's suitcase. "Is it okay if you unpack later? I'd like to make some tea, sit on the couch, and hear about your day," he said. "And leave nothing out!"

"Sure," Sebastian said with a smile. He walked over to the couch and sunk into it. He waited for Kurt to return with mugs of tea and quickly made room on the coffee table to put them down. Then, he held out his arms, letting Kurt settle in his embrace on the couch and with his cheek hugged against the side of Kurt's head, started to talk.

Kurt couldn't be happier. He was warm, cosy, and comfortable listening to the sound of his boyfriend's voice as he told him about his classes, new teachers, jokes Alex had made, and the food he had for lunch.

After a while, Sebastian ran out of things to say.

"How about your day? You mentioned your TA stuff, but how were your actual lessons?" he asked.

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment and went over his day in his mind. "Well, once we'd set up this morning, the first class was with the Freshmen...and honestly, it was hilarious. I spent most of the lesson trying to show them how to hold a stage sword without poking someone's eye out. I know I shouldn't laugh because I remember what it was like myself, but this one girl honestly walked around like she was playing ‘pin the tail on the donkey'!" He shook his head. "Then we had our own class. It was nice to catch up with Nick, Tim and Georgio a bit - they all send their best."

Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt's hair.

"I forgot to take lunch with me so picked up a salad from the cafeteria...can I just say that I _really_ miss Paul's food?" Kurt sighed and pulled Sebastian's arms a little tighter around him.

"Then, after lunch, it was time for Dance 401..." Kurt let out a short huff of breath. "I'll be feeling that all week. But she does that every semester. The first few classes are hardest, like a test, to see how many students drop out. It's usually about 25%. Ms July calls it The Reaping."

He paused. "She wasn't rude, though...not to me, anyway. I didn't get singled out-" That had been his greatest fear coming back to her class, apart from being thrown out entirely "-not until _after_ class, anyway..."

**[earlier that day]**

"Alright, I give up. I can see this is all you got for me today. But I know what you did this summer and it _wasn't_ training. Class dismissed!" Ms July called out, tapping her cane on the floor.

Her students, too exhausted to talk among themselves, started to file out to their gym bags. Kurt shuffled along.

"Mr Hummel, a word, please."

Kurt froze, feeling his heart drop. The other students cast Kurt sympathetic looks as they passed. He turned around and hurried to his teacher, who was standing by the piano.

"I'll do better!" he blurted out before she could say anything.

"At _what_?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.

"At...at everything...I...I know I wasn't very good just now..." Kurt trailed off, not sure if she expected him to list specifics or just shut up and take her criticism. _Please don't throw me out_ , he thought fervently.

Cassandra July looked at Kurt with a piercing gaze and didn't speak until all of her students were out of the room. Kurt looked terrified and just about ready to sell his soul to stay in the class.

Once they were alone she dropped the hard act and raised a hand to gently squeeze his shoulder.

"Kurt," she said quietly. "I was _going_ to ask how your boyfriend is doing, and also...how _you_ are?"

Kurt looked at her with wide eyes. "I...how?" he let out.

Ms July offered him a sympathetic look. "Brody told me. He came to see me last week to ask for references for a job application." She saw Kurt's expression change from surprise to worry. "He told me no specifics," she assured him. "He knows you value your privacy, and from what I understand it is a sensitive issue. He just wanted to make sure I didn't confront you in the middle of class." She pulled up her shoulders as if that had been a likely and completely legit move.

Kurt’s shoulders sagged a little in silent relief. He hadn’t thought Brody would really go around talking about Sebastian’s private life, but he had immediately felt defensive on Sebastian’s behalf.

He let out a tired sigh."I'm as okay as I can be, I guess. It's been hard, but...Sebastian is...getting help," Kurt said quietly.

She squeezed his shoulder again. "I'm sorry that happened to him," she said softly. "There are some truly sick people in this world. Trust me, I've worked with a lot of them. I hope he gets the help he needs."

Kurt offered her a weak smile.

Ms July sighed. "So now the question is: what help do _you_ need? I understand why you haven't trained over the last month, but watching you today...You're behind - _way behind_ \- and we need to get you back up to speed. You're one of the most promising students in your year, Kurt, you're _good_ , and I want to keep you in my class. So, Thursday afternoon, you are to be here at 4pm and we will train. We will train weekly until you've caught up."

Kurt stared at her. "You'd...do that for me?"

"I just said so, didn't I?" Ms July looked at him. "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you deserved it. So don't mess it up." Her lips quirked.

"I won't!" Kurt let out eagerly. "I'll be here! I...I'll need to figure out a way to clear my schedule but I will, this is very important to me. Thank you!"

"If any of the other teachers are giving you a hard time about it, tell them to come talk to me," Ms July said. "Most of them are afraid of me, so they'll leave you alone if they know what's good for them."

She saw doubt flicker in his eyes, and added: "No one needs to know why you'll be taking remedial dance, Kurt. If anyone asks, you can say I am just making you do it because I am evil. No one will hear anything from me."

"Thank you," Kurt whispered.

She smiled at him and nodded. "I know you have it in you Kurt, and I don't want you to miss out on your shot because of events that were out of your control." She waved him off. "Now, get out of my class and wipe that dazed look off your face."

-

"Wow," Sebastian said as Kurt finished telling his story. "Isn't she the one that threatened to cut off a girl's hair last year?"

"She is!" Kurt let out. "I'm still not entirely sure why she's being so nice to me..."

"Because you're the best, and you deserve it. She said so herself," Sebastian kissed Kurt's head. "I'm glad she's giving you the chance to catch up. It's my fault you're out of shape."

"No, it's not!" Kurt protested. "No one forced me to slack off over summer, that was all _me_. But if you want to blame someone, you _know_ whose fault it is."

They were quiet for a moment. Not knowing the identity of Sebastian's attackers made it a lot harder to hold them accountable, but Kurt knew they couldn't keep taking it onto themselves.

"I didn't tell you this to make you feel worse," he added softly. "It was beyond either of our control - and Ms July sees that. It doesn't mean she _had_ to help me, though. She could have just as easily thrown me out, and no one at NYADA would have questioned her. It was a conscious choice on her part _not_ to be indifferent. And that's...new."

Sebastian sighed and hugged Kurt close. "Well, you're a senior now...maybe she takes more interest in her seniors? Or, she really does just want you to succeed? Maybe don't try to over-analyse it," he suggested. "‘Don't look a gift horse in the mouth,' you know?"

"Yes. I know. I'm sorry," Kurt whispered, closing his eyes. He was definitely not trying to over-analyse this renewed intimacy between them and just tried to enjoy it for as long as he could.

Sebastian smiled and tipped his head against the top Kurt's. "I um, thought I might take a shower," he said quietly, "...but...maybe you could join me? If you want?"

It was something he'd been thinking about for a while. He didn't know what it meant...he wasn't even sure he wanted it to mean _anything_. He just knew that being close to Kurt felt _good_ and at that moment, he wanted to be closer.

Kurt sat up. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean...of course I want to! But this…" he nodded at the couch. "This was already fine, I mean, _more_ than fine. I really enjoy being close to you, Bas. But I didn't ask you to move in with me to...you know? Force intimacy on you that you might not be willing to give. You can stay here without-"

"I know," Sebastian replied. "I know that's not why you asked me to move in." He thought about it for a moment, trying to process his feelings.

"Holding you last night...and like this-" he nodded at the couch. "I felt in control. I guess that is what I need for now....It feels okay."

"Okay," Kurt said, taking it all in. "I understand." He smiled shyly. "It feels okay for me too. _Very_ okay."

He had spent weeks taking care of Sebastian, being strong, arranging things and stepping up. It made for a nice change to be held and simply loved for being there. Butterflies rose in his chest again. "Would you maybe like to wash my hair?" he asked. "I was going to do myself it in the morning, but...it'd be family-friendly?"

Sebastian smiled down at him, recognising the invitation for what it was. Kurt was meticulous about his hair. He hated people touching it, even in the throes of sex. This was a big moment for them.

"I'd love to," Sebastian said quietly. "Come on."

"Okay," Kurt replied, feeling relieved. Although they‘d been doing this dance for a while now, he still occasionally missed a step.

They stood up and made their way into the bathroom, smiling nervously at each other. It felt a little surreal. They'd seen each other naked hundreds of times, but standing in the little bathroom undressing in front of each other almost felt like the first time.

Sebastian felt a little thrill at the thought. He'd never experienced the novelty of a first love like most people. He'd had the potential in France, but had been ripped away from that life before anything could have developed. He'd then head-dived into a life of drinking, parties and sex...and look at where that had gotten him.

This thing with Kurt, re-learning each other and the new dynamics of their relationship, felt like he was being given a second chance.

Kurt pulled his sweater over his head, smiling a little shyly at Sebastian as he stood there in his jeans. "May I?" he asked, stepping closer and picking up the hem of Sebastian‘s cardigan, hoping Sebastian would tell him if it was too much.

Sebastian swallowed nervously but nodded, allowing Kurt to slide the cardigan from his shoulders and pull his t-shirt up over his head.

He unbuttoned his own jeans and stepped out of them.

He watched Kurt switch on the shower and climb up into the bath under the spray. He took a deep breath, took off his boxers, and followed.

"I don't know why I feel so nervous," he said quietly. "It's stupid, it's not like we've never showered together before."

"It's not that stupid," Kurt replied. "I'm a little nervous as well." He couldn't really explain why either, though a part of it was definitely him not wanting to make a mistake and do something to hurt Sebastian.

He looked down at the bath. "Would it help if we sat down?"

Sebastian thought about it, but with Kurt admitting his own nerves out loud, it suddenly didn't feel so scary.

"No, it's okay," he said with a smile, stepping towards Kurt slowly. He let the water run over his face and hair, sighing as the warm water trickled down his body.

Kurt couldn't help but watch him, for a moment forgetting everything around him. "You're so beautiful," he whispered in awe, following the course of the water drops with his eyes. He hoped the need to trace them with his tongue wasn't too threateningly obvious on his face.

Then he remembered his offer, and picked up a bottle of shampoo. He handed it to Sebastian.

Sebastian blushed at the praise but accepted it. "So are you," he replied, eyes glancing over Kurt's body. Sebastian took the shampoo and squirted some into his hand. He let it run under the water for a moment and then lathered it up between his palms.

Kurt felt a little giddy as he waited for Sebastian to touch him, but it was more like butterflies than nerves.

Sebastian reached up and began lathering the sweet-smelling shampoo into Kurt's hair, using his fingers to massage his scalp.

Kurt let out a soft moan and let his head drop back. It was crazy how something as simple as this could feel so erotic. Maybe knowing nothing was going to follow this up made him enjoy the moment more. Kurt concentrated on the feel of Sebastian's fingers, and if his body remembered his touch from elsewhere, he ignored it.

"Oh Bas, that feels so good," Kurt whispered, not wanting it to end.

Sebastian smiled and continued to massage the shampoo into Kurt's hair before leaving it to sit for a while, then reached for the shower nozzle to rinse it out.

As he watched the soap suds disappear in the drain, Sebastian decided to be bold. "Do you want to do mine, too?"

Kurt nodded, running his hands through his hair to wash out the last of the shampoo. He reached for Sebastian's hair products.

Sebastian turned his back to Kurt and tipped his head back to allow him to run the shampoo through his hair, sighing happily at the touch. It was as good as he remembered from _before._

Kurt softly started humming a melody as he worked the shampoo into Sebastian‘s hair. They were warm and comfortable, and that was enough for now. He guided Sebastian‘s head under the spray to wash it out, sliding his hands through Sebastian's wet hair down to his neck, and began to massage his shoulders and neck lightly. His hairdresser in New York usually did that too, so Kurt figured it was relatively safe.

Sebastian hummed happily at the feeling of being looked after. He concentrated on Kurt's hands and felt himself relax, almost to the point of nodding off.

"Is this okay?" Kurt asked. Sebastian didn‘t feel tense under his hands, but with his back turned, Kurt didn‘t want to take any risks.

Sebastian opened his eyes and blinked water drops from his eyes. "Hmm?" He asked sleepily. "Sorry, I almost dozed off...that feels so nice."

Kurt chuckled. That was his answer right there. He pressed a kiss to the nape of Sebastian's neck and continued his massage, including the muscles between Sebastian‘s shoulder blades but not venturing any lower. A few minutes later, he reluctantly let go.

"We should do that again soon," he said longingly as Sebastian turned off the spray, and he reached for the towels, offering one to Sebastian.

Sebastian took the warm fluffy towel with a smile and patted himself dry before wrapping it around his waist.

"Maybe we will," he said non-commitantly. It had felt great, but he was worried about raising Kurt's expectations too high. "Let's just...see how it goes, okay?"

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "Just say when."

Sebastian nodded, hoping this had really been a first step, and not a fluke. He guessed only time would tell.


	25. If I Could Turn Back Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At his first group therapy session, Sebastian runs into someone unexpected.

On Wednesday evening, Sebastian found himself hovering outside the main hall of the community building on campus. The meeting started at 5:30. It was currently 5:23 and a few people had already passed him to enter the hall, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't muster the courage to push the door open and step inside.

His conversation with Alex swam in his head. Logically, he knew that Alex was right. It probably _would_ be easier to speak to a group of strangers than it had been with his friends. At least they had similar experiences and would know what he was going through.

The thing that was stopping him though, was that by doing this - by taking this step - he was admitting it was real. He knew that was stupid; he already knew it _was_ real...but it felt like this would _officially_ label him.

"Sebastian?"

Sebastian started and spun around. A tall man with black hair was walking towards him. His  eyes were green and had a hint of kohl around them. He was looking at him curiously. "Are you..." he nodded at the door. "Are you coming to group?"

Sebastian felt cold sweat creep down his back and his breath caught in his throat. _No,_ he thought. _This is wrong...I'm not suppose to know anyone...it's_ supposed to be _anonymous_.

"Elliott! Umm...I..." he stammered.

Elliott saw the look on his face and took a little step back, offering him space. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's just...I thought you might be waiting for someone. Um, we're about to start. Do you want to come in?"

Sebastian swallowed. Maybe Elliott was leading the group? Frantically, he tried to remember what Elliott had said he was studying at NYU. His mind came up blank. He only remembered that Elliott had made it clear that his passion was in music, but everyone needed to pay rent, so maybe this was Elliott's day job.

 _Surely_ this hadn't happened to Elliott too.

Sebastian took a deep breath and nodded.

Elliott pulled the door open and allowed Sebastian to walk in front of him.

Sebastian looked around the room. It had a high domed ceiling with a large spherical light hanging down from the middle. The bulletin boards on the walls had a variety of flyers pinned to them; other support groups, health information pamphlets and diagrams.

There was a circle of chairs in the middle of the room. A couple of people were already sitting down and Sebastian and Elliott took seats together. Sebastian wasn't sure he wanted to, but it seemed rude to take the seat furthest away from him, and Elliott had recognised him already anyway, so there was no point in pretending. This was it. Now it was official.

"So um, how many people are you expecting?" Sebastian asked Elliott, glancing at the empty chairs.

"Oh, we're usually about ten to fifteen, give or take," Elliott replied. He nodded at someone who walked in after them.

It was strange how normal everything seemed. There were men of various ages. They were talking among themselves or playing with their phones. A few were getting themselves a coffee at a table by the wall where a small buffet was laid out. It seemed they could have been waiting for anything; the bus, a dental check up, a parent-teacher night...or a support group for male survivors of sexual abuse.

A woman with short-cropped grey hair, glasses and a well-cut white pant suit walked in, carrying a clipboard. Upon seeing her, the men at the buffet went to find their seats.

"Gentlemen," she greeted them, smiling warmly. "I hope you all had a good summer. Welcome back - and welcome to some new faces as well. Hello! My name is Jamie, I am 64 years old, and I am a licenced social therapist."

Sebastian felt his heart sink. He looked at Elliott with wide eyes. He couldn't help it; suddenly scenarios flashed before his eyes as he tried to comprehend how someone as tall and intimidating as Elliott could have gone through anything like he had.

Elliott looked to Sebastian from the side and offered him an encouraging little smile.

Jamie continued. "We're here tonight to help each other, share stories, listen, and chat. As always, I would like to remind you that everything you tell us here falls under a strict patient-doctor confidence, and your contributions are completely voluntary. If you are just here to listen, that's okay."

Sebastian let out a soft breath.

"However," Jamie added, "whenever there's someone new in the group, we do start off our sessions with introductions. Nothing major, just...tell us your first name, maybe your age, or where you're from. For our organisation I would like to know how you found us," she held up her clipboard, "but you can also tell me that after the group."

She looked around the group.

"Andy," she said in a warm voice. "Why don't you kick it off for us."

The man to her left stood up and offered the group a small smile and a wave. "Hi, I'm Andy. I'm 53 years old, originally from Rhode Island and I'm a bus driver."

"Thank you, Andy," Jamie said as he sat back down. She nodded at the man next to him.

Slowly, each man in the group stood up and introduced himself. Some divulged a little information about why they were there, and some just stated their name and age.

It was a little overwhelming, but it also settled Sebastian a bit. Seeing so many others made him feel not quite so alone.

Finally, the round of introductions reached them. Elliott stood up.

"Hiiii!" he said, smiling. "My name is Elliott Gilbert, I'm from New Jersey. I'm a student and a musician, I am 23 years old...what else, what else…" He pretended to think, tapping a finger to his lips. "My favourite colour is emerald, I'm a virgo, and I'm gay. Oh! And I like curry." He sat down with a flourish.

A few men in the group chuckled a little. Somehow, the atmosphere had changed, and Sebastian felt a little lighter than before. He rose to his feet.

"Hi, I'm Sebastian, I'm 21, I'm originally from France and I'm currently studying English and History at NYU." He glanced at Elliott, who was smiling at him. "Uh...and I really like blue cheese," he added on a whim.

Elliott's eyes sparkled.

Sebastian sat back down. The faces that met him offered open and sympathetic looks. He wasn't the youngest or the oldest man there. He didn't think they were all gay; apart from Elliott, only two others gave him the feeling they might be. Not that it mattered. None of them had said anything or made a face when Elliott came out to them so casually. And, Sebastian figured, now that they were here, they were all kind of the same.

Jamie looked around the circle. "Thank you, and welcome again to our new members. I am glad you are here, and I hope you will feel at home with us. Now, and this is for all of you: is there anything anyone needs help with this week?"

An elderly man raised his hand, and after getting the go-ahead from Jamie, started into a rather long-winded narrative about his family; apparently, with the holidays coming up, he was worried about interacting with siblings, who treated him like he was senile.

Sebastian felt bad for him, but at the same time, felt too agitated to connect to his story. He didn't have any siblings, was about forty years younger, and had different problems on his mind. The holidays were over a month away - he was more worried about getting through the _week._

Jamie offered some advice and mentioned a relaxing exercise, but her words meant nothing to Sebastian. He thought about his talk with Alex, and wondered if she'd be teaching them to meditate next.

Another man shared something about his workplace, and again, Sebastian couldn't help but let his mind wander. He kept looking at the men in the circle, wondering what had happened to them and when, how they lived their lives - how they had moved on. Would any of them have anything to say that could actually help him, or was he just wasting his time?

"Anyone else?" Jamie asked.

It was quiet for a moment, as eyes were averted and feet shuffled. A man who had introduced himself as Akeem raised his hand.

Jamie nodded and motioned for him to go ahead.

Akeem smiled a little shyly. "Well, I have a new girlfriend," he started, and several men broke out in a smile and mumbled approval and congratulations. Sebastian forced a smile.

Akeem held up his hand to let them know it wasn't just an announcement. "The thing is, she's great and all, and we've gone on a couple of dates...but last week she kind of started hinting that she wanted us to have sex." He paused.

"I told her about my past on our first date." He shrugged, and Jamie held up her hand to stop others from interrupting. Akeem nodded at her. "I know we talked about how I didn't have to, but I just wanted to get it over with and see if she was still interested - and she was. She still is. Only…" He broke off.

"I don't know if I can. I'm not even sure I _want_ to. And I don't know how I'm supposed to - I mean, she's _so_ beautiful and sexy, and I want to make her happy, but the thought of us…" He shook his head.

Sebastian sucked in a breath as he listened to Akeem talk. It was like listening to his own thoughts.

"I know what you mean," a man named Cole said quietly. He was one of the two that had silently pinged on Sebastian's radar. "My friends keep trying to push me into dating again...but I just _can't_...The last guy that I tried to date put his arm around me in the movie theatre and I jumped so high it felt like I'd left my body behind."

Sebastian shuffled uncomfortably. It all sounded far too familiar.

Out of the corner of her eye, Jamie noticed Sebastian's discomfort and turned to face him. "Is this something you can relate to, Sebastian?" she asked carefully.

Sebastian licked his lips and sucked the bottom one between his teeth. He nodded nervously.

"My best friend hugged me goodbye the other day, and it took every ounce of strength I had to not flinch or throw up…"

"I hate that," a man called Kyle said. "I actually _did_ throw up once. I bumped into someone I'd not seen in years and he...he was never the smallest of people. And he grabbed me up in a big bear hug and I almost fainted. I threw up all over his shirt…"

Sebastian nodded. "I'm okay-ish with physical contact, if _I_ am the one initiating it...but that's just _holding hands_ with my boyfriend or sitting and cuddling on the sofa...th-the thought of _sex_ …"

"Makes you want to peel your skin off?" Elliott offered, scrunching up his nose in an expression that was uncannily close to Kurt's.

"Yes!" Sebastian said. "Which...if any of you knew me before…" he shook his head. "I _loved_ sex, I _miss_ sex. I miss having that connection with my boyfriend that is just ours...but...I _can't…"_

"Is your boyfriend pressuring you?" Jamie pushed gently.

Sebastian could see Elliott shift in his seat.

"No! No not at all!" he said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for Elliott to think Kurt was hurting him. "He's been amazingly supportive. He always lets me lead the situation and has gotten really good at reading cues that I don't even notice myself. He doesn't try anything, or drop hints, or...he even offered to sleep in separate beds! It's _me._ I am the one who wants things to be as they were between us, but I just _can't_...I can't feel him touch me like that, without seeing-" he cut off and closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

"Yeah," Akeem agreed. "The thought of it is enough for me to break out in a sweat. But how are we supposed to tell _them_ that? Like, without making them think we're accusing _them_ of something?"

Jamie nodded thoughtfully. "It's hard," she agreed. "But communication _is_ key. I know I keep saying it, but it's true. The right person will _listen_ to you. A safe partner respects your boundaries. If you let them know that you are not ready, or that you may react with fear or panic, or may need to stop, they need to be open for that, and understand that it is not personal. They need to know and understand where you are in your journey, and for them to understand, you need to tell them how you feel."

She looked around. "I know this is difficult. I know it's unfair. Most couples around you will not need to have such talks before or during their relationships - and yes, this is _maddening_. And it's _okay_ to admit that anger. But you should not forget there are methods to help you cope, to help you work through this."

She softened her look. "And while you do, please also don't forget there are many ways to be intimate with your partner, or to express your need for them. Sex is not the ultimate goal of a relationship."

Sebastian's mind flew back to Monday night, when he and Kurt had showered together. There had been nothing sexual about it at all, and yet the connection it had sparked between them was something Sebastian couldn't put into words.

He explained briefly to the group what had happened. Then, he offered Akeem a sympathetic smile and added something he hadn't confessed to anyone but himself yet. "...but, while it was nice...I'm also scared that he'll want to do it again...and I don't know if I can. I don't always feel as...brave."

Jamie nodded thoughtfully. "That is a very weighted word you are using, Sebastian. Brave. That implies that refraining from intimacy out of self-protection is somehow cowardly, doesn't it? But there are many things that factor in the healing process. It's not just about courage."

"But if I've already done it once-" Sebastian tried, trailing off. "It makes no sense. I should be able to do it now. Maybe not go further, but-"

"But you've taken a step and nothing bad happened, so not repeating it feels like falling back?"

Sebastian nodded.

Jamie studied him for a moment, then addressed the whole group. "What you're feeling is natural. We all have expectations of ourselves, and often, I find we lay the bar too high. It's not a linear process. There may be moments where you feel as though you've started moving forwards, and moments where you _feel_ like you've been set back to where you started. But it _won't_ mean that you've lost your progress. A setback does _not_ mean you're back at square one."

She looked around, making sure everyone was listening. "When you started, you did not have the knowledge, the skills or the resources that you have now. You are training a trigger-resilient muscle, gentlemen, and falling down and getting back up is a part of that. You're building up strength that will help you face moments like that in the future."

Sebastian bit his lip and let out a huff through his nose. Building up strength was all very well, but that was not what Kurt needed. Not what he _deserved_.

There was also the fact that _Blaine_ had been hot and cold as a way to punish and control Kurt, and Sebastian never _ever_ want to Kurt think that that was what he was doing. Kurt had already almost left once. The memory made Sebastian feel almost physically sick.

Jamie focused on him. "Can you try to put into words why it is important to you to move forward? Do you want to be able to do more for yourself, or for your partner? What would be the consequence of things staying as they are now?"

"I want my life back!" Sebastian cried. "I want to be the person I was two months ago. I want to be able to walk down the street without constantly looking over my shoulder. I want to be able to take the subway without being terrified of the enclosed space. I want to be able to go out with my friends without them treading carefully around me...I want to be able to touch my boyfriend, and have him touch me, without flinching or being overcome with fear...I want to be whole again so that I can be the man my boyfriend deserves."

He was breathing hard, and tears were brimming in his eyes. He had wanted to come to therapy, to get a little better every day, and then be _done_ with it. This whole ‘setback' bullshit was infuriating. "I _don't_ want to be caught up in some fucked-up version of snakes and ladders where, just as I think I'm making progress, I slip on a snake's head and get sent back to the start!"

Sebastian shook his head. "I want this to never have happened! I want to go back in time and grab my sixteen year old self, slap him round the face and tell him to not be such a fucking jackass!" he continued, but the fight was leaving him and he slumped in his seat, feeling drained and embarrassed for shouting at a group of strangers,

"I understand your anger, Sebastian. But I don't think your sixteen year old self deserves that," Jamie said gently. "Nor did he deserve what happened to him."

Sebastian bit back his retort. Saying any more would mean delving deeper into his past and he wasn't sure he wanted to do that in front of the group. He closed his eyes and let his blood pressure settle.

"I just want to be whole again..." he whispered.

"And with the right therapy, you can work on that, Sebastian," Jamie said. She turned her attention back to the group. "Akeem, thank you for sharing this with us. As you can see, you are not alone. I advise all of you to communicate; take your partner with you to a counselling session if that is an option for you, use someone as mediator if you feel it's too hard to broach the subject alone. Your relationship will be the better for it."

"Or not, and they run for the hills," someone spoke up darkly.

"Yes. That may happen," Jamie admitted.

Sebastian looked away from them all to stare at a spot on the floor. He sniffed a little but didn't say anything.

Elliott looked at Sebastian out the corner of his eye and felt his heart ache for his new friend. He closed his eyes and tried to refrain from reaching out to hug him - but considering what he'd said about physical contact, Elliott knew it wouldn't be welcome. Instead, he waited until they paused for coffee and the others had left their seats before talking to him.

"Sebastian, I'm so sorry," he offered. "I don't know you or Kurt very well, but from what Dani tells me, and what I saw at the club that night, you are this amazing couple, like...the real deal. I think you can overcome this together." He paused. "I hope it doesn't freak you out that I'm here. I, uh, like to switch up my introductions a bit now and then, but I _do_ take this seriously. "

Sebastian started a little as Elliott spoke and he turned to look at him. He had such sincerity in his eyes, it was a little overwhelming.

"I don't mind that you're here," he said honestly.

He paused. "As for Kurt and I...we _were_ a great couple and maybe we still are...but...I don't know if we're strong enough to overcome this. He promised to be honest, but...he also promised he'd wake me up if I had nightmares and he didn't."

Elliott frowned. "Maybe he thought he had good reasons for it?" He looked down on his dark blue fingernails and fiddled with his cuticles. "Dani, she sometimes… _thinks_ she's helping, but she's not." He looked up at Sebastian. "Jamie said it's because, even if they love us, the people close to us aren't always the best people to turn to for help."

He shrugged. "Like...sometimes you just need to be sad or angry or...irrational, and it frightens them. They want to help, but they don't know how. Just because this…" he gestured at the circle, "happened to us, does not automatically make _them_ therapists. And then a part of your mind knows that and holds back, and it all just-" He closed his hand into a fist. "It doesn't help."

Sebastian thought about Elliott's words for a moment. It was true that Kurt had withheld the truth because he thought he was doing what was best. Since then, they had gotten better at their communication, but Elliott was right. He did sometimes hold back to spare Kurt's feelings. So how could Kurt ever fully understand, if he didn't get the full picture? Sebastian knew if the roles were reversed it would have driven him crazy.

Elliott waited for a moment, then offered, "If it helps, you can tell Kurt I go here too. I don't mind. Dani knows, my parents know- I'm okay with it. It might...give you an opening to talk about today with him." He paused. "And...if you want, I could tell you a bit about what I went through, some time. Only if you want to know! You know, if you think it might help you feel less...different."

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded, offering Elliott a smile. "Thanks."

Jamie came back over and the session resumed. Sebastian sat in silence for the rest of the meeting, listening to the others tell their stories. Now that he was more engaged, their stories seemed more relevant.

Towards the end, they talked about ways to cope with triggering situations and things to do that would distract from intrusive thoughts. With things still reminding and triggering him every single day, this was advice Sebastian felt he could apply in real life immediately.

As the group broke up at the end of the session, Sebastian waited until Jamie stood by herself and approached her.

"Um, Jamie, do you have a second?"

Jamie offered him a smile. "Of course, Sebastian. What can I do for you?"

"Well, you said to tell you where I heard about this group. Um...I googled using my zip code. My, uh…my dad helped me. He's a doctor."

Jamie nodded. "Okay. Thank you, I'll write that down. It's always good to know that our efforts for online visibility are working.

"Yeah...yeah, first hit," Sebastian mumbled.

Jamie cocked her head. "Anything else?" She made no move to go.

"I'm not sure," Sebastian started. "I think I need...more help than this. You said ‘with the right therapy' I could work on this stuff...what...did you mean?"

"Well, there are many different types of therapy. What works for one person might not work for another, so it's not uncommon to try a few approaches until you find something that fits for you..."

Sebastian nodded, thinking. It was pretty much what Paul had said, too.

"I wasn't trying to imply that you are not welcome here," Jamie added. "I just noticed that maybe you were feeling a little overwhelmed. _In addition_ to group therapy, you could also try personal therapy; talking to someone one on one."

Sebastian swallowed. So a couch after all. "And this...personal therapy…do you do that, too?"

"I do," Jamie confirmed. "Would you be interested in that?"

When he didn't reply, she carefully continued.

"I have my own practise with two colleagues. I can give you our number. I have an assistant who deals with the practical side; paperwork, insurance, referrals. We do have a waiting list, but in my experience, a lot of applicants drop off before their turn, or they apply for sessions at several practises at the same time and take the one that accepts them the fastest without cancelling their other applications, so a long waiting list does not automatically mean a long wait. We can do an assessment and decide if our approach may benefit you."

Sebastian's eyes glazed over a little. A referral? Applying at several practises? He didn't have any of that. No one had told him he had to. Panic gripped him. Was he doing it wrong already? What if they turned him down at the assessment? What if they couldn't help him… because no one could?

Jamie put a hand on his arm. "It sounds complicated, but it's not. My assistant has been with me for a long time. You don't need to tell her anything beyond your details, and that I gave you our number today. She'll walk you through the rest. Okay?"

Sebastian relaxed a little. "Thank you. I'll mention it to my dad, and we'll be in touch."

"Alright, Sebastian. Thank you for coming today."

"See you next week," Sebastian said and backed away, tucking her business card into his pocket.

He joined Elliott who had hung back for him.

"Everything okay?" Elliott asked.

Sebastian nodded. He could probably ask Elliott about his experiences finding a therapist, but his mind was spinning as it was and he had enough of investing in his future for the day. He wanted to go home.

"Do you need a ride anywhere?" Sebastian said instead. "Paul is picking me up...I'm not so good with the subway at the moment. Too many...people."

Elliott smiled. "Thanks, but I think I'll walk. It's only a few blocks and I want to clear my head a little. Hey, um...will I see you next week?"

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

Elliott gave him a shy look."Listen, um...do you wanna take my number? You know, in case you wanna chat or something..." He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the circle of chairs before looking back at Sebastian."I can chat about...other stuff too, you know. I mean, Dani and me, and you and Kurt, we said we were gonna hang out and then-" He frowned. "I just mean, you can call me for whatever. It doesn't have to be about this."

Suddenly his eyes went wide. "Though I'm not trying to hook up with you!" He laughed a little awkwardly. "I mean, I know you're with Kurt and this is probably the _worst_ place for a pick up anyway…" He rolled his eyes.

Sebastian snorted. "Okay. Got you. And yeah, we _did_ say we'd hang out, before...and I guess we can...you guys should come over for a movie night or something."

"I'd like that," Elliott said.

"Me too," Sebastian said. He held the door open for Elliott and they started walking towards the exit. "I'll talk to Kurt and we'll arrange something."

They stepped out onto the street and Sebastian spotted Paul's car parked in the drop-off zone. He held a hand out to show him that he'd seen him and turned to Elliott. "Thanks, for this evening...I'm actually glad I knew someone in there...not that I'm glad that you...I don't mean…" he stammered, realising what it sounded like. "The circumstances are awful and I wish it wasn't this way...I'm sorry, I don't know what I am saying."

Elliott smiled and took his hand. "It's okay. I know what you mean. I'm glad it was okay for you. It's a really good group. It took me a while to find the right place, but I feel comfortable around them."

Sebastian smiled at him. "Me too," he said. "Thanks...see you next week then."

"Definitely," Elliott said. They shook hands and Sebastian walked over to Paul's car.

"Hey," Paul said as Sebastian climbed in. "How are you?"

"I'm...okay." Sebastian said as he buckled himself in. He paused for a moment before continuing "Initially, I was sceptical - I mean - what can a bunch of strangers do that my family can't?" He licked his lips and looked at Paul. "When the first few people started talking...I dunno...none of their stories applied to me, you know?"

Paul looked at him and nodded, waiting for him to continue if he wanted to.

"But then one guy said something that _really_ resonated and I started paying attention...I even joined in on the conversation. I kinda lost it a bit at one point, actually…"

"What happened?" Paul asked softly.

"I guess I just got a bit frustrated? They were talking about ‘progress' and ‘setbacks' and how having setbacks doesn't mean losing the progress you make. Which pissed me off, because I don't _want_ setbacks. I just want to be better! " He could feel a little bit of his anger return, but it was quickly followed by regret.

"I guess I thought that I'd go in, they'd give me a...I dunno...a checklist of things that I could do and then when I'd completed the list I'd be cured," he confessed. "...but maybe it's not supposed to work like that."

Paul looked at him sadly, unsure of what to say that didn't make him sound like a doctor. Instead he looked into his rear view mirror and saw the young man Sebastian had left with walking away from them.

"Was that someone from the group?" he asked.

Sebastian glanced back at Elliott. "Yeah. Uh, I actually already knew him. A friend of a friend, so to say."

Paul raised his eyebrows in surprise. "What a small world! Did you know he was in this group?"

"No, I didn't even know that he was - I mean, I still don't really know what happened but I guess he's there for a reason...like me," Sebastian finished lamely. "He says the group is very good, though."

Paul nodded. "I'm glad. It was a recommendation from a colleague, but a lot of it has to do with personal chemistry, and as an open group, you never know who'll come in and what they're like." He checked his rear view mirror again and moved to start the engine. Then, he paused as an idea came to him. He turned to to look at Sebastian.

"Seb...as it was your first time, Dr. Randell probably told you about the confidentiality clause, right?"

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah, she said that anything that is said in group, _stays_ in group."

"As doctors, it's something we take _very_ seriously," Paul said. "And I want you to know that you _can_ talk about your sessions with me, or with Marc if you want to - just...you don't _have_ to, okay? I appreciate you sharing this with me now...but it can also be a private thing, for you-" He put a hand on his chest, "like a safe place where you can be open about things you don't want us to know. Just because we care about you, it doesn't mean you owe us transparency."

Sebastian smiled a little and nodded. "Thanks."

He looked out of the window for a moment and then turned back to Paul. "Jamie said something that made me think...maybe I should try personal counselling sessions after all. Because...I think maybe I have more issues to talk about than just that night. Like...my father and Paris, and-" He grimaced. "I can't monopolise the group with all of my crazy!"

Paul frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but Sebastian shook his head, dropping his smile.

"I know, I know," he mumbled softly. Kurt would definitely have something to say about him calling himself that. "So anyway," he continued, clearing his throat. "Jamie gave me her business card and said to make an appointment for an assessment."

He pulled it out of his pocket. "...what do you think?"

Paul looked pleasantly surprised. "I think that's great," he said honestly. "She's a distinguished specialist in her area. And if you feel comfortable with her, that's a really good start." He smiled.

He had been hoping Sebastian would be willing to try private therapy, but so far he had seemed reluctant. He started up the engine again. "I think that's _so_ good, in fact, that we should have celebratory burgers that neither Marc or Kurt will ever hear about. What do you say?"

Sebastian laughed and grinned at him. "Absolutely!"


	26. You Must Love Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian talks to Kurt about his first group therapy session, and they make each other an important promise.

Sebastian opened the apartment door and set his bag down under the coat rack. "I'm back," he called out to the apartment. ****  
** **

After the meeting he and Paul had gotten burgers from a food truck and sat under the Brooklyn Bridge. It had been a nice moment. They had talked but not about anything in particular. Paul liked jazz and fashion, two things Marc wasn't particularly fond of, and he found a willing listener in Sebastian. Sebastian for his part enjoyed telling him about the books he'd been reading. It had been nice to just sit with familiar company.  ****  
** **

"I'll be right out!" Kurt called back. He was in the bedroom changing from his Vogue outfit into loose slacks and a soft shirt. It felt like he had been confined in his suit for days, but it had only been one stressful afternoon. Isabelle had not been kidding when she said they had a lot of work to do. Kurt rolled his shoulders, took a quick glance in the mirror (cozy, but not sloppy- just because they lived together now did not mean yoga pants and ugg boots were okay, it was a slippery slope) and went out to greet Sebastian. ****  
** **

"Hey," he offered. "Welcome home." He walked up and kissed Sebastian's cheek, moving slowly to give him enough time to move away if he didn't want to be kissed.  ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Kurt and, after a momentary pause, accepted the kiss. ****  
** **

"How was your day?" he asked, slipping his shoes off and hanging his jacket up. "Vogue crumbling without you?" ****  
** **

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes. "Ugh, don't get me started. The temp they hired for the summer did _nothing_ , everything was still as I left it, on _top_ of the new stuff Tristan's been sending in..." He shook his head. "But I'll tell you later. I just got home myself. I want to hear about _your_ day, and - mark the calendar that I am actually saying this - I don't want to hear about _anyone's_ outfits, okay?" He smiled. "How was the group?"  ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled. Vogue really must have worn his boyfriend out if he didn't want to talk fashion anymore. "It was...good, and I want to talk to you about it...but, I kinda want to shower and change first...is that okay?" he asked nervously. He knew he was stalling, but after talking about so many other things with Paul, he needed some time to get back into the right mindset. ****  
** **

"Of course. Take your time," Kurt said. "Shall I make us some food?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled a little sheepishly. "Paul and I stopped for burgers on the way home. I'm sorry, I should have texted ahead." ****  
** **

Kurt pulled up a corner of his mouth. "Hmm. More for me, then. I got avocados." He playfully stuck out his tongue and walked to the kitchen.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Half an hour later, Sebastian walked back out into the kitchen, freshly showered and dressed in a pair of gym pants and a long sleeve top.  ****  
** **

Kurt spotted him as he turned away from the draining board where he'd just finished washing his plate. "Great timing," he said with a grin, "I was just ready for desert." ****  
** **

The look on Sebastian's face made Kurt realise that in another lifetime - barely two months ago - that sentence could have had a very different meaning. "I meant fro-yo!" he added quickly. "Do you...want some?" ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed down the panic that had risen in his throat and pictured the waves in his head. _Calm the waves_ , he thought to himself. ****  
** **

As his heart rate returned to normal, he looked at Kurt shyly and nodded. "Yes, please...Sorry." ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "No, it's okay," he said, inwardly cursing himself. "Go sit down and I'll bring some over." ****  
** **

"Okay," Sebastian said quietly. He walked through to the living room and settled down on the sofa, curling his legs up.  ****  
** **

Kurt kept quiet as he scooped desert into two bowls. He didn't want to start up a round of apologies again; they did that too much lately. They needed to navigate through new territory, where harmless-words-turned-innuendo had to become safe again. It would take a little rewiring on both their parts. ****  
** **

He walked to the couch and handed Sebastian a bowl. "We could just watch tv if you don't feel like talking," he offered. ****  
** **

Sebastian took his bowl from Kurt and held it in his lap. "No...I want to talk about it," he said quietly.  ****  
** **

He picked up the spoon and stabbed at his frozen yogurt. "It was a lot better than I thought it would be. I stood outside for like ten minutes before I went in, trying to psych myself up to it." He paused.  ****  
** **

"The building itself is so un-opposing it seems a bit ridiculous, but it felt like a crushing weight...What if they didn't accept me? What if they laughed and rejected me, or said I didn't belong there because I let it happen to me...but they didn't. Everyone was so welcoming and even though we're all different - I think most of the group were actually straight - we were all somehow the same?" ****  
** **

He ate a spoon of ice cream and looked at Kurt. "There was no pressure to talk, apart from introducing myself at the start...but I did actually end up talking a bit." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded thoughtfully. His desert was melting a little. Sometimes, he wondered what it would have been like if _he_ had had professional help back in school - _actual_ professional help, not a guidance counsellor with unhelpful flyers. "And did the therapist say anything about...whatever you told them?" he asked carefully. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "A little. She mainly just let us talk and...helped open the floor for other people. Though, she did say that it's okay to feel whatever it is we're feeling. Like...if we're angry, or scared...or upset." He looked at the patterns his spoon made in the melting yogurt. "And she gave us some exercises to help push the anxiety away before it becomes overwhelming."  ****  
** **

He paused as his heart rate started to speed up again. _Say it_ , he thought. _She said it was okay to say it._ ****  
** **

He let out a breath. "So...the thing I talked about a bit with the others was...being intimate again, and, how terrifying it is..." He saw the look on Kurt's face and broke off. He wanted to make Kurt understand, but he knew he wasn't doing a very good job. ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip. Being intimate with him was _terrifying_? He knew why, but hearing that really hurt. He tried to focus. "So...you'd...rather not do that again?" he suggested. ****  
** **

"No...th-that's not what I'm saying!" Sebastian said quickly. "I...I really liked that the other day, and, I would like to try it again...some time, but...sometimes, maybe I won't...and-" He broke off frustratedly and ran a hand into his hair, tugging it a little. ****  
** **

"I _hate_ that I'm like this, because I love you, Kurt. I love you and I want to be whole again for you. You _deserve_ someone whole...But I don't know how long it will be before I can-" Sebastian broke off again and sighed "…I'm sorry, I'm not doing a very good job of this." ****  
** **

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't lose you, Kurt. I've lost so much already. I can't lose you too." ****  
** **

"Hey, hey," Kurt whispered, putting his hand over Sebastian's and gently taking it down from his hair. "What's all this? I'm not going anywhere…" He pulled up the corners of his mouth and forced a smile. "I'm still the only one on the lease of this place, remember?"  ****  
** **

Sebastian didn't laugh or tease back, and Kurt sighed. "I love you too, Sebastian. And I told you before: you don't need to sleep with me to get me to stay." ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and swallowed. "You say that now," he whispered. "But what if this _never_ goes away? What if I can _never_ be that intimate again? You'll get bored with me...or start resenting me." ****  
** **

Kurt watched the crestfallen look on Sebastian's face and felt it almost like a physical pain in his chest. Immediately, he yearned to make it better with a thousand promises. That he would _never_ be bored with him. That he couldn't _possibly_ resent him for what happened. That sex was not important to him, that he could live without it, that it didn't matter as long as they were together. ****  
** **

But he knew he couldn't. There were too many broken promises in his past, and he remembered every single one, from his mother telling him she'd always be there and his dad promising he'd always be on Kurt's side, to Blaine promising he'd never hold changing schools against him or cheat on him (ever again). Kurt had learned that such broad and all-encompassing promises, well-meant as they might have been, were impossible to hold. ****  
** **

Their physical relationship had been strong from the moment they got together, and Kurt missed it. He knew he could not promise he'd never feel frustrated about having to give up that part of their life. For now, it seemed unimportant in the scope of things, but a year, five years, ten years from now? ****  
** **

"I don't know how I will feel in the future," he said honestly. "So I would be setting us both up for potential heartbreak if I promised you it will never be an issue between us. I already broke a promise to you once, and I won't do that again." He hesitated. "I just don't know what I can-" he broke off, his frown relaxing as an idea came to him.  ****  
** **

"Hold on," Kurt mumbled, and rose from the couch. He walked over to his work bag and pulled out a small stack of pink post-its and a pen. ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned a little. Then, the corner of his mouth quirked in a reluctant smile. He felt a warmth blossom through him as he realised where Kurt was going with this. ****  
** **

"Okay, _Grey's Anatomy_ , season five finale," Kurt started, holding up his pen like a conductor, "Meredith and Derek wrote down their vows on a post-it, remember? _Nobody walks out..._ " ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. " _No matter what happens_ ," he finished quietly. ****  
** **

" _Ever_ ," Kurt agreed. "And they both signed it, and it was like a contract."  ****  
** **

He held up the post-its.  ****  
** **

"I'd like us to write one now," he announced. "It might not be marriage vows, but-" He offered Sebastian a shy smile. "I want to do _something_ like that with you now. A contract between us that we both sign." He hesitated. "What do you think?" ****  
** **

Sebastian felt his heart swell and he gave Kurt a watery smile. "Yes," he said choked up. ****  
** **

Kurt returned his smile and started writing, reading it out loud as he wrote.  "Number one; No matter what happens, we face any problems head-on _together,_ and do everything we can to find a solution." ****  
** **

Kurt looked up and Sebastian nodded.  ****  
** **

"Two, we talk," Sebastian suggested. "Openly and honestly about anything that is bothering us. Complete transparency." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded and wrote it down. "Recap. One: working on it together, two: talk. Two things I will promise to do." ****  
** **

Sebastian let out a shaky breath and reached out to hold Kurt's hand. " _We_ will promise," Sebastian corrected him in a whisper. "I promise too…" ****  
** **

"It doesn't count until you sign it," Kurt joked, and signed the post-it with his curly script before offering it to Sebastian. "Sebastian Smythe, will you sign my pink post-it promise?" ****  
** **

"Always," Sebastian said, taking the pen in his left hand and signing under Kurt's name. He was getting better at writing with his left hand, but it still felt a little awkward. He couldn't wait to have the splint removed at the weekend.  ****  
** **

He gripped the pen in his fist and leant forwards slowly to kiss Kurt. "Thank you," he whispered.  ****  
** **

"You're so welcome," Kurt replied. "I know it's not the most romantic thing in the world, but - I _do_ love you, Bas. You need to know that." ****  
** **

"I know you do," Sebastian said, "that isn't what worries me." ****  
** **

"Then what is?" Kurt asked, squeezing Sebastian's hand.  ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and took a deep breath. "That in the end, love won't be enough."  ****  
** **

At the hurt look on Kurt's face he pushed on. "I'm angry, Kurt. I'm angry at the world, I'm angry at the guys who did this, but I'm mostly just angry at myself." ****  
** **

"I keep thinking that if I could just go back in time and kick my sixteen year old self up the ass and tell him to not be such a jackass, I wouldn't have been a dick in school, you and I could have been friends and maybe we'd have become more earlier..and maybe...I wouldn't have ended up in the club that night and this never would have happened." ****  
** **

He looked down at their joined hands and ran his thumb over the back of Kurt's hand. "But that's not ever going to happen...and _that_ makes me angry, too, even though I know it's a waste of time thinking like that. And then I get angry at myself for _being angry!_ " ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. "I get that. Sometimes the ‘what ifs' drive me crazy as well," he said sadly. "But...for what it's worth...you wouldn't have liked me back then. I was arrogant and judgemental, and my outfit choices were _really_ out there." He made a face. "I'd kick my sixteen year old self in the ass too." He smiled thinly at the thought. "I also think, knowing us, kicking either of us would only have made us even _more_ determined to keep doing what we were doing." ****  
** **

He paused. "I guess we need to look forward." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "I'm trying. I'm trying so hard, Kurt. Like with the shower. It felt so good, even if we didn't really do anything, but-" ****  
** **

"But it wasn't enough...because you remember what it was like before?" Kurt tried. ****  
** **

"Kind of...I don't really know how to put it into words," Sebastian replied, sighing.  ****  
** **

"It's more like...I liked it, and I'd like to try it again, but you need to understand that even though it worked once, it might _not_ work again, or it might not work _all_ the time. It depends what my head is doing at that moment...but if it _doesn't_ work, it's not because of _you_. And it's not that I don't _want_ to...just that I _can't_." ****  
** **

Kurt tried to take it in. He knew it made sense, but at the same time, for _him,_ it was just a shower, and it was hard to understand. Still, he knew he had to try. He post-it promised, after all. ****  
** **

"Okay," he said. "So...we should agree on how we deal with that. Do you want me to...wait for you to take the lead and just sort of...stay on stand-by until you initiate something? Or do you want me to ask - with the option to say no, no questions asked?"  ****  
** **

Sebastian looked so troubled, Kurt tried to explain. ****  
** **

"I'm not trying to be difficult. I just want to know how to behave around you, without causing misunderstandings or accidentally triggering you. I don't want to _hurt_ you, Bas." ****  
** **

Sebastian thought about it for a moment. "I want things to get back to normal," he said. "I used to like it when you were vocal about what you wanted. It was clear. I never said ‘no', but I always knew I _could_." ****  
** **

He offered Kurt a determined look. ****  
** **

"So...if you want to suggest stuff, like showering or cuddling or kissing, then do it. But...with _words._ For now. So I know what's coming? And I'll do the same?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. "Okay." He paused. _And what if words were a part of the problem?_ ****  
** **

"Just now, when I mentioned desert, you kind of...jumped, didn't you?" he asked carefully. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "My mind went there and I got spooked. I can't warn you for something like that, though. I know you didn't mean it, but I don't know if something is going to be a trigger, until it is. I just need to deal with them as they come. The exercises that Jamie gave us should help...like it did just now." ****  
** **

"Oh! You did an exercise? That's...impressive. I didn't notice anything," Kurt said.  ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged it off, feeling a little awkward for being complimented on calming himself down. ****  
** **

Kurt seemed to read his thoughts off his face and let out a sigh. "It's weird having to say this kind of stuff out loud," he admitted. "But good! I think we needed it," he added, not wanting Sebastian to feel bad about it. ****  
** **

"I agree it's weird," Sebastian said. "I hope over time, it _won't_ be needed, but for now...Thank you for being so understanding...Elliott said you'd understand." ****  
** **

" _Elliott_?" Kurt asked surprised. "Dani's friend?" ****  
** **

"Uh yeah...he's in the group too," Sebastian said sadly. ****  
** **

"But...why would- ...Oh. Oh, _no_ ," Kurt whispered as he understood. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded, "I know..." He shook his head. "I was so shocked when I saw him! I don't really know what happened to him, but he said he wouldn't mind if I told you about him being there.  I'm actually, in a horrible way, glad that I know _someone_...you know?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. It was a pretty terrible thing to bond over, though. He thought about the Starchild performance he had seen. Watching Elliott perform, seeing the way he was dressed, you wouldn't have guessed- but Kurt knew a lot about hiding behind a flamboyant mask. Still, Elliott put himself out there to sing, he had resumed his life... which meant there was hope for Sebastian too.  ****  
** **

"I'm glad you decided to give the group a try," he said. ****  
** **

"I am too," Sebastian replied honestly. "I think it's going to help. I'm also going to try and book some private sessions with Jamie. I told Paul and he thinks it's a good idea. He did originally say that I might need to meet a few therapists before I decided...but I trust her." ****  
** **

"I guess that's the most important thing," Kurt said. "I am kind of relieved it's a woman. I know that's probably sexist, but..." He trailed off. ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. "I am too. I don't think I could handle it being a man...being in a room with those other men is okay...because they're fellow survivors." Sebastian set his bowl down and moved position. He paused for a moment before tentatively resting his head on Kurt's shoulder.  ****  
** **

Kurt shifted a little and lightly wrapped his arm Sebastian. He tried not to second-guess it; his boyfriend would tell him if it was too much. He let out a soft sigh when Sebastian did not move away. ****  
** **

"You are the bravest man I know," he said quietly, planting a kiss in Sebastian's hair. ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't feel brave..." He sighed. "Enough about me...I want to hear about your day." ****  
** **

Kurt hummed. "Well...I caught a subway earlier than I planned to, so I got to Vogue early. And that was a good thing, because the place was a mess…" ****  
** **

He talked Sebastian through his work day, stopping every now and then to give him some background info on a colleague or a client.  ****  
** **

"And then, just before I went home, Isabelle called me into her office and told me the San Francisco office had lodged a complaint against her; claiming she‘s using her position to withhold information and make them look bad - basically they‘re just after Isabelle‘s job, which is outrageous and sexist, and-!" Briefly, a fire of indignance flickered in Kurt‘s eyes, before dimming again. He shook his head. "Isabelle and Chase managed to de-escalate the situation and now there‘ll be lots of meetings and a two-day _communication workshop_ for the entire staff with some of the SF crew and-„  ****  
** **

Kurt broke off. "That's actually something we should maybe talk about." ****  
** **

He paused, not sure how to start. ****  
** **

"Um...Tristan will be there too, and Isabelle asked me to, um...keep him _occupied_ while she dukes it out with his boss, and said maybe I could show him around New York a bit." ****  
** **

Kurt held his breath, trying to gauge Sebastian‘s reaction. ****  
** **

Sebastian listened to Kurt's story, humming a little. He liked Kurt's boss. He felt sorry that she was being turned out because men didn't like a woman in charge. ****  
** **

"Tristan? He's the one who calls you six times a day?" ****  
** **

"...Yes," Kurt said timidly. "But-" ****  
** **

"Well, it sounds like a smart move," Sebastian said smiling at him. "I've heard the way you handle him, if anyone can keep him out of the way it's you. You could go shopping! I bet he's better at that than I am." He grinned at Kurt. ****  
** **

Kurt paused, feeling a little confused, like there was a set script and his boyfriend wasn‘t delivering the right lines. ****  
** **

"Y-eah," he agreed hesitantly. "It‘s just...you know how flirty he gets on the phone and I always managed to keep him off because I never thought we were actually going to meet-" He broke off to correct himself. "I _don‘t_ think he‘ll be trouble. I‘ll tell him I'm not available right away. I can handle it. I just figured you should know, I mean, he _is_ gay and we‘ll be hanging out for a couple of days...and this whole project kind of hinges on appeasing the SF team into dropping their issues…" ****  
** **

He trailed off. "I just didn‘t want you to think I‘m interested in him, because I‘m not. I‘m with _you._  I'm not...you know. Looking for someone who can...I won't cheat on you." ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and tipped his forehead against Kurt's shoulder. "I know that, Kurt. I'm sorry if what I said made you feel as though I think you're looking to cheat...because I _know_ you wouldn't ever do that." ****  
** **

"Yeah...no," Kurt mumbled, "it's...not just what you said." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  ****  
** **

"If this had happened with Blaine, he'd-" He broke off.  ****  
** **

Kurt didn't even want to _imagine_ the tantrum- or the jealous, angry sex that would have followed (that he now recognised as such, but would have considered 'romantic and passionate' back then). "I would have been making it up to him for weeks, even if nothing ever happened," he finished. ****  
** **

Before Sebastian could protest, he quickly added: "I know you're not him. I just...for the sake of communication, I wanted to make _extra_ sure you know it'll be strictly business." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and kissed him softly. "Thank you." He sat up and looked at his boyfriend. "I trust you, I do. I know how things can get at work. It's basically like what we do at Satire...and _we_ know that that is only business, right?" ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt agreed. He leaned into the kiss, chasing the taste of desert on Sebastian's lips.  ****  
** **

Sebastian briefly thought about their job...would he be able to go back to work? He loved his bartending, but would he be able to handle being around so many people? Being flirted with...flirting back? That was maybe something he could discuss in group next week. ****  
** **

Kurt's thoughts went in the same direction. "Speaking of Satire...I, um...I had two shifts planned for the weekend. Marc can take one and I thought about asking Danny for the other, but-" He swallowed. "At some point, Joe's probably gonna want me to come in again. And I usually pay for lunch at NYADA with my tip money, which is...kind of missing right now." He hesitated. "Do you think, maybe...it'd be okay if I took some shifts after this stuff at Vogue is over? I don't want to leave you alone in the evenings, but...maybe you could call Alex again?" ****  
** **

Sebastian frowned and looked at him. "Of course you should go to work, Kurt. I'll...figure it out.  I could ask the guys to come over...or Alice, if you don't mind her coming here." ****  
** **

"I don't mind," Kurt said. "As long as she treats you like a friend." He knew they had made up and he would not begrudge Sebastian his best friend- but while he had forgiven her, Kurt did not forget easily. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. Talking to Jamie and the others made him feel like he could do this. It was a challenge, but he would deal with it. He knew his friends would help. Like Elliott. "Oh, I kind of invited Elliot and Dani over for a movie night, was that okay? We said we might, before… all of this." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. "Yes! Having people over at _our_ place!" He squealed a little in excitement, but then his face fell. "But I have the Vogue visit first, though." He sighed. "At least I'm on the payroll now…" ****  
** **

Then, he cheered up again. "But if I'm at Vogue three days in a row, that does leave Friday afternoon free. Maybe we could do something nice together then?" ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded along as Kurt spoke and smiled warmly at him. "That sounds nice." He tipped his head forward to press their foreheads together. "How are you so amazing?" ****  
** **

"I was born this way, baby," Kurt said, and kissed his lips to prove his point. **  
**

 


	27. Tristan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt picks up Tristan from the airport with the intention to show him around the city...but things don't quite go to plan.

Kurt stood by the arrival gate at JFK, holding up a sign that said 'Tristan Carter - Vogue'. He'd been fine all morning, but now he was starting to feel a little nervous. It was silly - he talked to Tristan on the phone every day (even that morning, before his colleague had boarded). However, now that they were actually going meet, Kurt felt a bit like he did before a big performance.

He was dressed sharply, wearing a jacket from Chase's line. When Kurt had been getting dressed that morning, Sebastian had playfully insinuated that maybe he _was_ a little jealous after all - seeing Kurt all dressed up.

Kurt knew Sebastian only meant it as a compliment, not an accusation, and he appreciated it - but Sebastian was his boyfriend; he was biased. Looking good to _him_ was something else than looking good to a former runway model.

The first passengers of the flight started coming out of the gate, and Kurt scanned their faces. He had prepared by looking Tristan up online. His pictures had been rather intimidating. Kurt held up the sign and waited. _Pull yourself together, Kurt_ , he told himself. _You deal with models every day. One even used to stay on your couch. You got this._

-

Tristan balanced his phone between his ear and shoulder as he passed through security. He was dragging his small suitcase and had a laptop bag clutched under his arm. His boss was talking down his ear about arrangements for his hotel and the car that would pick him up from the airport.

"Yep, I've got it, Roy."

" _And I need you to finish the presentation asap, my flight gets in at 7pm and I'm meeting an old acquaintance for dinner. Book some time in tomorrow morning before we meet the bitch so you can explain it to me. I don't want to look like an idiot...that woman already has it in for me..._ "

"I know," Tristan sighed. He walked out into arrivals and looked around the crowd for Kurt. Kurt had promised he would have a sign. "I'll sort it Roy, I've got to go..."

" _I mean it, Tristan."_

"Yes, I know..." He was cut off as his boss hung up. He sighed and slipped his phone into his pocket. He caught sight of an attractive young man holding a Vogue sign and made his way over to him.

"Kurt?" he asked, and Kurt recognised his voice and his British accent from the phone immediately.

"The one and only," Kurt answered with a smile and offered Tristan his hand.

Tristan returned the smile and shook Kurt's hand. "We finally meet. It's nice to put a face to the name."

"Likewise," Kurt said. _And what a face it is,_ he added in his mind. Kurt's eyes swept over Tristan. It was instantly obvious why this man used to be a model. He was _gorgeous_ , and it wasn't even in a subtle way. He was right-there, smack-in-your-face, drop-dead gorgeous and Kurt felt his neck heat up under the collar of his shirt.

Tristan was slightly shorter than Kurt, but his lean frame made him look even smaller, like one strong gust of wind would blow him away. Kurt couldn't help but envy the way it didn't make him seem young or androgynous; the chiseled chin and five o'clock shadow helped with that. Sharp green eyes seemed to pierce through him, right into his soul. Pictures just did _not_ do him justice.

"How was your flight?" Kurt asked and was embarrassed to find that he sounded a little breathless. He coughed and added, "did you manage to get any sleep?"

"Oh, it was fine, thank you," Tristan replied politely, "I managed to get a lot of work done in the cell phone free zone. It was about as relaxing as it can get on a plane without joining the Mile High Club." He grinned at Kurt. "That is a _fabulous_ jacket, by the way."

Kurt flushed and looked down. "Thanks, it's from my friend's line, Chase Madison. You'll meet him tomorrow actually, for today I thought we'd-"

He was cut off by the sound of Tristan's phone ringing. Tristan grimaced and held up a finger. "Hold that thought." He pressed accept and raised the phone to his ear.

"Hello Roy. What-I...yes, I _did_ book a first class seat, it must have been over- ...I _know_ that you only fly- ...Yes, I'll take-"

He lowered his phone. "Care of it," he finished, and gave Kurt a weary look. "My boss has been bumped off his flight. I need to make a quick call and - can I take it outside? I _really_ need a smoke."

"Of course," Kurt said blinking, Tristan talked _really_ fast. "There's a smoking area by the taxi stands." He stepped away a little and help up his arm to indicate the way to walk. They fell into step next to each other.

They found the smoking area and Tristan lit up a cigarette instantly, taking a long drag. The look of pure relief on his face intrigued Kurt. Tristan tipped his head back and blew out a stream of smoke. Kurt watched the line of his throat for a moment before Tristan pulled out his phone and looked back at him. Kurt blushed again. He stepped away to give Tristan some privacy and so that he was out of the direct line of cigarette smoke. The stench would take ages to get out of his clothes and hair, and he did not want to ruin Chase's jacket.

While he waited, Kurt sent Sebastian a quick text.

**To: P. Martini 14:37**

**Found him!**

**To Kurt (14:38)**

**Good! Behave yourself ;)**

**Have a good day baby, love you xx**

**To: P. Martini 14:38**

**I always do…!! See you tonight xx**

-

Tristan took another long drag of his cigarette as he waited for the airline to connect him. He smiled at Kurt apologetically. Kurt shrugged in understanding. As Tristan's eyes wandered to his surroundings, Kurt took the time to inspect his colleague a little more.

He was wearing skinny jeans, a printed t-shirt that Kurt recognised as new season Hugo Boss under his leather jacket, and a long, looped scarf that hung off his frame down to his knees. It was very _casually chic_. But then, Kurt suspected he'd look casually chic in just about anything.

Tristan's dark hair was thick, dark and unruly. It looked like he had just got out of bed, but Kurt knew that style actually took quite a few expensive products. It was a look Sebastian sometimes worked with and was able to pull off to great success, something that - try as he might - Kurt just wasn't able to replicate. He didn't resent them for it though. Kurt knew he had other things in his favour.

"Hi! Yes! I booked a first class flight for my boss from San Francisco to New York but he's been bumped... _Catastrophic!_ I need you to put him back, he's a regular flier with you, his name's Roy Davis. Yes, I am aware you're overbooked, but if you don't put his flight back I am in _serious_ trouble," Tristan said to the phone operative when they finally answered.

He paused while the operative brought up the flight details. "Yes, that's him...do you know what he'd do to me if I told him the next plane he can fly first class on isn't until _tomorrow_ morning?"

He held the cigarette between his lips and ran a hand through his hair as the woman on the end of the phone tried to explain.

Kurt smiled at Sebastian's message again, brushing his fingers over the screen.

He heard Tristan make his usual hyperboles - threatening torment and death and a closed casket funeral. They no longer worked on him, but it sounded like it was working with the airline employee.

"And it's not an aisle seat, right? Perfect. Yes, that'll be fine. Oh, Linda, you're a lifesaver. I mean it. I _love_ you. If only I knew what you looked like...but your voice is so lovely, I am already smitten...Thank you _so_ much, Linda. Yes, I will definitely look you up. Cheers."

He hung up and started typing the infos into his phone.

"Did they fix it?" Kurt asked carefully.

"They did," Tristan said, breathing out the last of his cigarette smoke and pressing the stub into the ashtray. He shook his head. "I'm sorry about that."

Kurt smiled. "I didn't mind. I wouldn't want to stop you chatting to the love of your life." He winked.

"Who? Oh. _Linda_ , yes. Well, she sounded nice...You know how it is, Kurt." Tristan offered him a bashful smile.

"I do. Honey catches more flies than vinegar…and then there's always the death threats." Kurt chuckled.

Tristan nodded. "A combination usually does the trick," he admitted.

"I bet your accent gives you a few free passes here and there, too," Kurt said. He knew Alice and Steph would definitely like him.

"Does it?" Tristan asked, cocking his head and giving Kurt a curious look.

Again, Kurt could feel his face flush. "Well, I've grown immune by now, of course," he mumbled.

"Of course," Tristan echoed with a small smile.

"I thought we might get you checked in to your hotel and then maybe grab lunch and hit some of the sights...maybe do some shopping?" Kurt said, changing the topic.

Tristan's smile faded and he bit his lip. "That sounds amazing, but...I have _so_ much to do before tomorrow, even with the extra time I had on the plane...could we maybe just go to the office?"

"Oh no, I'm under specific orders from Isabelle to keep you away from the office," Kurt joked, although there was a grain of truth in it - they needed time to prepare and Isabelle was under quite a bit of stress herself. "Didn't you say this was your first time in New York?"

"It is, but…" Tristan shrugged.  "It's fine, I don't mind. I came here to work. But I can work in the hotel. Roy is gonna fry my arse if I don't get this presentation done before tomorrow..."

Kurt gave him a reassuring smile. "The meeting isn't until 11, there's plenty of time. Did you get something to eat on the plane?"

"Uh, I flew economy. I had a coffee. I'm fine, though."

Kurt wondered if Great Britain might call their citizens home if they didn't politely insist they were fine at least twenty times a day.

"I haven't had lunch either. I know a great place, it's right across the street from the hotel!"

Tristan looked at Kurt and opened his mouth to decline again, but his stomach rumbled unpleasantly and he sighed. "I guess I _should_ eat something," he said, making it sound like an extravagance he didn't really deserve.

"Yes," Kurt agreed. "We can multitask and ask our driver to take the scenic route to the hotel. Then food, then shopping. I've cleared the rest of my day for us, there's only one stop I need to make at Gabrielle's and then I'm all yours."

"That _does_ sound tempting," Tristan replied, his eyes glittering.

Kurt cleared his throat. "Come on, this is us." He nodded at a black Mercedes. The driver got out and opened the door for them.

"You...get to use the car service?" Tristan asked, staring. "Roy won't even pay my tram fare."

"Just for today. Isabelle insisted we use our time efficiently."

She had also said to pamper Tristan and his boss until they were agreeable to their themes, but Kurt thought it best if he didn't tell Tristan that outright. They might have different ideas about the concept of _pampering._

Their driver took Tristan's suitcase and they got into the back of the town car. Tristan's phone rang again.

"Go ahead, I don't mind," Kurt said.

Tristan smiled apologetically and slid his finger across the screen to answer the call.

His boss started speaking straight away and he bit his tongue while he listened.

"Yes, I already sent you the - _yes_ , you'll have a window seat...your dry cleaning was delivered to your house this morning. I confirmed with Olivia and she packed it herself. She is meeting you at the airport with it...no, I'm not at the office yet-" He shot Kurt a look. "We're driving there now."

Seemingly satisfied, his boss launched into the next topic. Tristan opened his laptop and quickly connected to his phone hotspot. His email notifications pinged up on the screen instantly. "I've just had the email confirmation from him...yes, next Monday at ten am...I- yes, I _tried_ but you know what he's like...yes...sorry...yes, I know I-" the phone was cut off and he sighed tiredly, opening up one of his emails and typing out a reply.

"I'm so sorry...this won't take a minute."

Kurt watched silently. How did Tristan ever get _any_ work done with a boss like that? Up until now, he'd assumed Tristan was just prone to exaggeration, but he seemed to be genuinely swamped, receiving constant pressure from above.

He waited until Tristan finished typing, and then carefully asked: "You arrange for your boss's dry cleaning?"

Tristan huffed out a laugh. "Yes…I also get his coffee and help his kids with their homework…last week he had me wait in line at the Apple store for 5 hours because his son just _had_ to have the latest iPhone." He shook his head. "It's fine. I shouldn't complain. I know a lot of people would die for this job, the opportunities, the contacts…"

He opened up another email from one of his freelancers. It was the final draft of an article that was due the following day. He sent off a reply of thanks and opened the article.

Kurt frowned. "But you're a content marketing manager - not an intern!"

"Ah yes, but his PA quit so I get _that_ lovely job on top of everything else I do…I can't smoke in here can I?"

Kurt shook his head and Tristan sighed, closing his laptop. "Thing is…I actually love my job…my proper job. Originally, I only applied so I'd have some work experience that didn't involve flashing my hip bones, but - it's actually quite fun, and I'm good at it. I just wish I'd get more time to actually _do_ it."

Kurt pressed his lips together, feeling sympathetic. "I understand. Hey, I did my job for _free_ for almost two years just for the chance of working with Isabelle and being able to namedrop Vogue on my resumé. I guess they know we'll put up with just about anything for that...Though Isabelle is great! I love working for her. And she is single with no kids, so, no homework and no iPhones! The only thing she occasionally wants is for me to answer the phone if her ex-boyfriend calls."

Tristen smiled at him. He was intrigued to meet the woman that sparked so much hatred from his boss. She always sounded quite rational on the phone - when Kurt would finally put him through - unlike the hysterical madwoman his boss made her out to be. "The things we do to get our feet in the door, huh?"

His phone rang again and he sighed. "I have to take this. He's on his way to the airport and his flight leaves in an hour...he'll finally need to switch off his phone and we'll get some peace, I promise."

Did his boss _ever_ let up? Suddenly Kurt wondered if the reason Tristan called him so often was just to hear someone else's voice for a few minutes.

"Tomorrow? But you _said_...Oh. Right. Yes, of course. I'll try. I'll _try_ , that's all I can-" Tristan closed his eyes briefly. "I understand."

He gave Kurt a tired look and lowered his phone. "He fires me about three times a week," he explained. "It really got to me at the beginning. Wait for it..."

His phone buzzed with a text message. Tristan looked down on it, seemingly unfazed. "I'm hired again, and he asks if the meeting can be pushed to 11:30 tomorrow because he has an important Skype call with his second ex-wife's lawyer about their divorce papers. Apparently he missed the deadline. Again. I don't know how often I reminded him."

Kurt shook his head. He did not look forward to meeting Tristan's boss at all.

Tristan's phone rang several more times as they drove through Brooklyn Heights, and although Tristan was looking out of his window, Kurt doubted he was able to enjoy the view of the town houses or the skyline.

"Does he ever do anything on his own?" Kurt mused out loud as the car stopped at the hotel.

Tristan sighed and shook his head, putting his phone into his pocket. "Nope, he'd make me hold his dick while he pisses if he wasn't afraid of a sexual harassment lawsuit. And I'd probably do it, too."

He climbed out of the car after Kurt and straightened his clothes.

"I'm really sorry I haven't been a very attentive guest yet...I mean, I know am here to work, but you went through the trouble to pick me up and all I can do is complain…I promise you, I'll try harder from now on." He looked at Kurt with a wide-eyed look and Kurt couldn't help but notice that the fashion shoot photos he'd seen online had failed to capture the multitude of colours in his eyes.There was a dark rim around the outside that slowly turned to blue then green and right in the centre around the pupil there was a hint of chestnut.

Kurt blinked, breaking their eye contact, and smiled a little nervously. _What are you doing?_ he asked himself. _The colour of his eyes is not relevant to tomorrow's meeting!_

"At least now I understand why the SF office is constantly over budget,"  Kurt said, trying to hide how flustered he was. "It's your phone bills."

Tristan snorted. "Cheers," he mumbled, shaking his head in amusement.

-

They arrived at the hotel and Kurt gave the concierge his booking information. The woman shyly glanced over Tristan, who was busy with his phone, then focused back on Kurt.

"A single room, correct?" she asked carefully, looking between the two of them again.

Tristan looked up just in time to catch Kurt's blush. "Yes, just me, I'm afraid," he replied. "Business before pleasure."

Somehow the concierge seemed a little pleased in a hopeful way. Kurt was sure Tristan would be able to use that to his advantage for better room service later.

The concierge checked Tristan in, and Kurt thought Tristan might have had a panic attack when the bell boy took his laptop from him and placed it with his suitcase on a trolley to be taken up to his room. Luckily he'd calmed himself down enough to accept that he deserved a few hours away from it.

"No laptop for now. I'm in charge of entertainment. You don't want _me_ to get in trouble do you?" Kurt teased.

"Of course not," Tristan replied as he followed Kurt across the street to the restaurant.

Despite Tristan's promise to be more attentive, they were interrupted by phone calls two more times between ordering and the arrival of their food. As Kurt saw their waiter coming, he waited for Tristan to look up from his device and then snatched it from his hand, switching it off.

"Wh-" Tristan said, looking at Kurt in shock. "No, come on now, that's not funny." He frowned and reached for it, half-rising out of his seat. "Please, Kurt, I let you take my laptop but you can't just-"

"He's on a plane, Tristan, what is he gonna do? Fire you? _Again_?" Kurt replied, holding the phone out of his reach as the waiter put down their plates. "Look, I have been dating a Frenchman long enough to know that once food is on the table, business is off of it, okay? Please, consider it my welcome-to-New-York gift to you. Half an hour of smalltalk, cheese and wine. It's like magic."

Tristan sat back down and tried to calm his nerves. He knew Kurt was right…but not having his phone nearby made him feel anxious. Still, he appreciated Kurt's offer and tried to relax. There had been a time he wasn't glued to his phone, though it was long ago. He knew it was _possible_. Maybe the world _could_ turn on its own for a little while.

As the waiter set their food down in front of them and another poured their wine, Tristan considered what Kurt had said. "A Frenchman, huh? Oh la la. Now I _am_ jealous."

Kurt smirked, pleased that something finally got Tristan's attention. "Mmm-mm. Well, technically he's American, but he lived in France for most of his life, and when it comes to food…" He trailed off and smiled. "Let's just say you won't find us at Pizza Hut very often."

"Nice," Tristan replied. "So...is it true that Frenchmen make the best lovers?" He had that open, curious look on his face again.

Kurt blushed on cue. "I'm not sure that's a topic for a business lunch," he replied, quickly taking a sip of his wine.

Tristan looked around him at the other patrons of the restaurant. "So it's a _yes_ , then," he whispered cheekily, and winked. "Good for you." He turned back to Kurt and saw that his expression had fallen a little.

"I'm sorry," he offered immediately. "Did I say something wrong? I was just joking, honestly."

Kurt shook his head. "No, it's fine."

Tristan frowned, but left it alone for now. He picked up his cutlery and began eating his lunch. Now that there was no risk of his boss calling while he had his mouth full, he gave into his hunger. To make up for whatever he had said to make Kurt sad, he told him a little more about his own home life as he ate.

Tristan, as it turned out, lived alone. His job didn't leave him much time for dating, or even meeting anyone at all. His last relationship ended around the time Roy's PA quit.

"It was quite tragic," Tristan said thoughtfully. "Though to be honest, I think both of us only ever saw it as a roommates-with-benefits thing. But him leaving doubled my rent and left me without anyone to shag, so - like I said. Pretty tragic." He smirked.

Kurt blushed. He doubted Tristan would have any trouble replacing his roommate, if he'd only let himself take the time off from his phone.

"I went to Paris with Roy last year for Fashion Week…" Tristan continued. "Not that I got to see much of the city, mind you…or try any of the - ahem, French hospitality, if you know what I mean...But the food was good."

Kurt took a sip of his wine to stall. Tristan wasn't saying anything he wouldn't on the phone, but it was different having to sit across from him while he did. Kurt made a valiant attempt to change the topic.

"I haven't been to Paris, or anywhere, really. I hope I can go some day."

"I'm sure you will," Tristan offered. "You don't seem like the type to be stopped by anything."

Kurt opened his mouth in surprise, then smiled and nodded, feeling pleased.. "That's true." He held out the bread basket and Tristan took out a roll.

"So, Kurt," he said, tearing up the soft bread between his fingers, "why aren't you a model?"

Kurt paused mid-chew. "Huh?"

"I'm serious. You're gorgeous. With your cheekbones and your hairline…I could give you the names of at least three agencies who'd fight each other to the death to sign you on."

Kurt swallowed his food and scrunched up his nose a little. "Well, I'm from nowhere, Ohio," he said, as if that explained it. "Talent scouts don't go looking for crumbs under the rug."

Tristan shook his head a little. "Scouts are a thing of the 80s. All you need is a few good shots and an internet connection. So that's no the real reason, is it?"

Kurt shrugged. "Let's just say I lacked positive confirmation in my formative years," he mumbled, not really wanting to get into it.

"I'm sorry," Tristan offered. "Hey, but it's not too late. Let me know if you ever want to try."

"Thanks," Kurt said. He knew Tristan was just trying to be friendly, but all the same, his words unnerved him a little. He tried to shift the focus back onto Tristan. "So how did you become a model, then? I read that you started out very early…"

"Did your research then?" Tristan teased, batting his eyes at Kurt with a cheeky smile.

"Um…just to be prepared," Kurt replied. "I didn't find _that_ much-" For a moment, he felt like the time he had told Sebastian he had looked up his blog.

Tristan smiled and let him off the hook. "Well, my mom entered me in one of those competitions when I was thirteen, just for fun, really. She used to model a bit herself when she was younger, and she thought it'd be nice for me to make some pocket money. I didn't win, obviously-" He snorted and rolled his eyes a little, "but they did offer a few of us a try-out shoot with the agency and I ended up getting signed on."

"Wow, at thirteen?" Kurt said, a little awestruck. He remembered when _he_ was thirteen, he'd gone through an awkward hat phase, trying to hide upcoming problems with his skin. It was then that he'd started becoming more thorough about his washing rituals. No one in their right minds would have offered _him_ any contract back then. He wasn't even sure if he would have wanted it.

"So what was that like? I mean, whenever I read anything about female models who started out as kids, there's always a few mentions of...problematic employers. What was that like for you?" he asked.

Tristan cocked his head. "You mean, did I ever work with dodgy photographers?"

Kurt shrugged awkwardly, belatedly realising this wasn't exactly a question for a business lunch either. _Hey, by the way, were you traumatised as a kid?_ Kurt could just kick himself.

Tristan shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe I was just lucky, maybe it's different for boys. Or maybe they just never tried anything because my mom was always there. She came with me on every shoot until I was eighteen." He grinned. "She probably would have come along after that too but she was kind of killing my vibe with the _good_ photographers, if you know what I mean." He winked. "It took moving to San Francisco to stop her from offering."

Kurt smiled.

"So how did your mom feel about you moving to New York?" Tristan asked casually.

Kurt gave him a resigned look. He was used to questions like that, though it never really stopped hurting just a little inside. "My mom died when I was eight," he replied. "But my _dad_ was a bit weepy when I left. He knew it was coming, though. It was all I could talk about since I was sixteen or so."

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea," Tristan offered, but Kurt waved him off.

The waiter came to clear away their plates, and they ordered a coffee. Tristan was tapping his fingernails to the inside of his palm. Kurt suspected he might need a smoke soon - or his phone back.

"We should go to Satire tomorrow night," Kurt decided. "Cocktails, dancing...limited phone reception..." He winked.

Tristan grinned at him. He liked Kurt. It was refreshing to meet someone in the fashion world who wasn't obsessed with themselves.

"Hmm, sounds like my kind of place..." His smile faltered. "That is, assuming that I actually make it out of tomorrow's meeting alive." He sighed. "If Roy fires me for real I need to get back to SF on the first plane that'll take me before he remembers Vogue pays for our flights and I get stuck here."

"What on Earth would he actually fire you for, though?" Kurt asked. "You work harder than anyone I've ever seen!"

Tristan ducked his head a little, appreciative of Kurt's indignation on his behalf, but then shrugged. "He's made it pretty clear to me that if things don't go his way it will be _my_ fault and I can kiss my job goodbye. That's why I have to get this presentation sorted. My life literally depends on it."

Briefly, Kurt wondered why Tristan had left it till the last moment, but the answer was easy-  knowing his boss, he would have made 'last minute' edits every half hour, changing the entire concept around. Even if Tristan would have had time to work on it earlier (which Kurt doubted), he would only have had to re-do it anyway.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked. "Because I meant it, my day is cleared for you."

Apart from making arrangements for the SF team, booking the conference room and arranging catering, Kurt's involvement in the upcoming meetings was limited. Isabelle and Chase would represent their department, Tristan's boss would do his side, and a moderator from Human Resources would talk them through communication concepts.

Tristan hesitated. "Well, I've got my part of the presentation done. But Roy's...the thing is, he keeps wanting to me add things to it to make it sound..." He broke off. He gave Kurt a calculating look. "Can I be honest with you?"

Kurt nodded, setting his coffee down.

"Roy has absolutely no idea of what we're doing in day to day business. He lives in his own world, picking up things here and there and thinking he's contributing by forwarding it all to me, but in reality he's just making my job harder."

Kurt frowned. "I don't understand. He's in charge of acquiring the deals for the promoted content, you're editorial - right?"

"Right," Tristan replied darkly. "Only his idea of acquiring deals is going to brunches and golf games with his marketing buddies, and leaving the _actual_ negotiations to me. If I'm lucky, he'll bring back some business cards along with the bills." He shook his head.

Kurt stared at him. If _that_ was what Tristan was doing, on top of his own job (and his boss's laundry, apparently), he could understand how there weren't enough hours in the day to get it done.

"And that's _without_ all the jobs he hands out left and right," Tristan added.

"Huh?"

"Freelance gigs. Not a month goes by where I don't have to wade my way through the worst amateur articles and vlogs from his friends' kids, rewriting most of it, actually - because he promised all of them they'd be on the Vogue payroll."

"But _you're_ in charge of content!" Kurt protested.

Tristan nodded. "That's why he sends them all to me." He briefly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were filled with fire and determination. "Look, I know it's not ideal, and I won't be doing this for much longer. Bosses like him come and go. I give him a year, tops, and then he'll be promoted anyway. And when a new one comes, I can tell 'em how it's done."

Kurt bit his lip. "So...what you need is a presentation of the work _you_ do, and make it sound like _he_ does it?"

Tristan sighed tiredly and nodded. "Yes, but it's not so bad, really. It shouldn't take long. I can use the time while he has no signal to get it done...and as I say...if I can survive the year, then when he moves on I can show the new guy- or girl- and hopefully it'll be a boost for me and I can advance."

"Okay," Kurt agreed, feeling equally determined.  "I'll help you. But the office might not be the best place to go. Knowing Isabelle, seeing me at my desk means she can pile work on it. Maybe we'll just work on it in your hotel room?"

Tristan looked at him in disbelief. "You'll _help_ me?" He couldn't remember the last time someone had offered to help him.

Kurt smiled. "Sure. The sooner you're done, the sooner we can meet Gabrielle and hit up  Macy's. I remember you said on the phone you wished you could go, so...it's on the list."

Tristan grinned at him, sagging a little with relief. "Deal. Thank you Kurt...if I'm ever rude to you on the phone again-"

"I'll know it's because Roy is an ass," Kurt finished, holding up his hand to signal for the check and taking out his Vogue creditcard.

Tristan smiled. "So, um...will your boyfriend the Frenchman not mind you hanging out in my hotel room?" he asked playfully, taking out a cigarette and his lighter. His eyes glittered.

"He won't if you're a gentleman," Kurt replied smoothly. "Can I trust you with my honour, Tristan?"

His colleague's smile softened. "Yes, of course. I would never interfere with people's relationships. It was just a joke."

"I know," Kurt assured him. "And besides, you wouldn't last long enough without answering your phone to keep up with me, anyway." He winked.

—

"So, this is where I hang out when I am not on the phone with you," Kurt teased gently, holding open the door to Gabrielle's atelier a couple of hours later. They had managed to get the presentation set up and sent it off to Tristan's boss, and Kurt had booked the conference room at Vogue for the next morning so that Tristan and Roy had time to go through it. Something about it didn't sit quite right with Kurt, but he did not want Tristan to lose his job.

"Kurt Hummel, my favourite fashion visionary," Gabrielle greeted him with a bright smile. "You brought another of your lovely models for me today?" They gave Tristan an appraising look.

"Gabrielle, this is Tristan from Vogue San Francisco," Kurt introduced them. "Tristan, this is Gabrielle, our number one fabric supplier."

Tristan smiled at Gabrielle. "Hello."

"Hello darling," Gabrielle greeted flirtatiously. "You don't sound like you're from San Francisco…"

"Actually, I'm from-" Tristan started speaking but was cut off by his phone ringing. He sighed and excused himself.

"He's from England," Kurt finished.

"He's cute. But he seems a bit tense," Gabrielle said, cocking their head and looking at Tristan, who was speaking quietly into his phone with his back turned to them.

"He is," Kurt agreed. "He works a lot."

Tristan hung up and he immediately dialled someone else's number. He was talking fast, spinning an unlit cigarette between his slim fingers.

"So," Gabrielle said, turning back to Kurt. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Kurt focused on Gabrielle. "Isabelle asked me to order silks for a shoot. I've bulk-ordered online before but they didn't drape well, and they didn't float. I know it's not in your usual sortiment but I thought if anyone knows where to get quality product, it'd be you."

Gabrielle smiled. "Well, flattery always gets you a long way," they said, looking pleased. "I know someone in Hawaii who might be able to help you. Makes her own dyes, all natural, doesn't weigh anything down like the chemicals do. I don't have official samples here, but I have a scarf she made, it's in my bag. I can show you."

"That's great!" Kurt said, at the same time that Tristan mumbled "that's awful."

Kurt looked back at him. He looked more stressed than ever, and Kurt heard he was now getting in touch with the hotel his boss was staying at.

"Is he alright?" Gabrielle asked.

"I don't know," Kurt said quietly. "I may have made it worse by helping him today."

"That makes no sense, honey."

Kurt shook his head. "It does. His boss is a dick. An incompetent one, and he's making Tristan cover for him." He sighed. "You know, I spent three years making excuses for someone who didn't deserve it, giving him a free pass and doing all the work - and now I'm doing the same for this guy. It feels wrong."

Gabrielle nodded thoughtfully. "I don't know enough about this to be able to oversee the consequences of letting his boss fall on his face, but I know your friend here looks close to a burn-out. He needs a break; from his boss, or his job, or maybe just-"

"-his phone," Kurt finished. "Yes. You're right." He smiled a little. "He's here until the day after tomorrow, so I thought I might take him to Satire tomorrow night - once the meeting is over you know? That might help a little."

"Mmm, you working?" Gabrielle asked. Kurt had told them about his second job as a flairtender.

"No, I took this week off to show Tristan around town. Hey, do you want to come?"

Kurt wasn't sure if Gabrielle would feel comfortable in a club like Satire, dressing the way they did, but they'd be welcome.

Gabrielle smiled. "I might make an appearance."

"Sorry about that," Tristan said, walking back in. Even when he was 30,000 feet in the air, his boss could cause an aneurysm. Using the onboard WiFi, his boss had sent him a revised report that he wanted to be included in the presentation - that had nothing to do with what they were discussing.

"No worries darling, you didn't miss anything," Gabrielle reassured him. "We were just talking about going to Kurt's club tomorrow after you boys finish work."

"Well, it's not _my_ club," Kurt added modestly.

"Are _you_ coming, then?" Tristan asked Gabrielle, pushing the cigarette in his fingers behind his ear.

"I might," Gabrielle replied coyly. "If my fairy godmother magicks me something to wear. I can't go like _this_!" They looked down on their perfectly styled red sheath dress. It had an artfully draped neckline that Kurt thought was to die for.

"Why not?" Tristan asked, licking his lips. "I think you look stunning."

"And I could listen to you talk _all_ day," Gabrielle replied, looking very pleased.

Kurt watched the exchange and admired how easy it was for Tristan to switch on the charm. Once he was off his phone, that was.

-

As they left Gabrielle's shop some time later, Tristan told Kurt about Roy's comments on the presentation.

"I swear he is going to be the death of me!" Tristan exclaimed as they climbed back into the car. "What am I going to do?"

Kurt looked at his colleague and felt resignation settle over him. " _We_ are going to go back to your hotel and revise. We'll make the changes he wanted and get it right, and _then_ we will go shopping. Macy's is open until ten pm so we have plenty of time."

-

They didn't have plenty of time. One revision turned into more, and by the time they had added in the report Tristan's boss had sent, Roy had rejected several segments of the rest of the presentation.

"It's hopeless," Tristan sighed, letting himself drop back onto his bed. The concierge had given them an interested look as Tristan and Kurt had gone up to Tristan's room together after lunch, but had politely kept her thoughts to herself.

"We might as well trash it and start all over…" Tristan mumbled.

"I don't understand how he can do this," Kurt argued. He was sitting at the small hotel desk by Tristan's laptop. "Does he think you can just pluck a new presentation out of thin air?"

Tristan didn't reply.

Kurt felt awful. "What if we just tell him it's too late to make such big changes?" he suggested, looking over to the bed. He quickly averted his eyes as he realised it was a little too hard to concentrate at the sight.

"Trust me," Tristan said, rolling over onto his stomach, "it's better to give in to his every whim than to face the massive drama that occurs if you don't. I tried. It's not worth it."

Kurt felt his stomach turn to lead. He suddenly recalled hearing himself say those very words - or at least thinking them - a lot of times when he was with Blaine. It made him all the more determined to help Tristan.

"I'll just have to pull an all-nighter," Tristan continued, and Kurt was pulled back to the present. "You can go home if you want."

"No, I'll stay and help," Kurt offered. "I just need to check in with my boyfriend." He took out his phone and wrote a quick text.

**To: P. Martini 17:56**

**We're working on tomorrow's presentation and it's more work than I thought. Is it okay if I stay for a little while?**

**-**

Sebastian shut the door of their apartment and set his bag down as he heard the ding of his phone. Smiling, he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and read the message from Kurt. He frowned a little. He had _hoped_ that Kurt would be home soon, but he was determined to not hold Kurt back. Sebastian felt he'd been enough of a burden recently. He typed out a quick reply and set his phone down.

**To: Kurt 18:00**

**Of course it's okay! I just got home and was going to make dinner. Do you want me to do enough for you or will you be eating out? X**

**To: P. Martini 18:02**

**We had a big lunch at the Brasserie, so minibar nuts or room service it is. See you later then! Xx**

The reply from Sebastian was instantaneous.

**To: Kurt 18:03**

**See you later baby, don't work too hard. I love you xx**

Kurt looked down on his phone and suddenly realised he had nothing to worry about. The handsome man on the bed had _nothing_ on his boyfriend. The prospect of Sebastian waiting for him at home made the colour of Tristan's eyes completely irrelevant.

**To: P. Martini 18:04**

**I love you too. I'll be home as soon as I can.**

Kurt looked at their messages for a bit longer, then put his phone away. "All clear," he announced. "Let's fix this thing."


	28. Hell in a Handbasket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt wakes up in the wrong bed, and the catastrophes of the day are only just beginning.

When Kurt woke up, it took him a moment to realise why his pillow was so flat and hard. It wasn't a pillow at all - it was a binder of notes that he had fallen asleep on...on top of Tristan's hotel bed. He sat up and rubbed his face. Tristan had fallen asleep on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed. Kurt glanced at his wrist watch and got a fright. It was six am, Tuesday morning. ****  
** **

He had spent the night in Tristan's hotel room - and what was much worse...he had left Sebastian home alone overnight by himself. ****  
** **

Kurt felt sick to his stomach. What if Sebastian had had an anxiety attack? After everything Kurt had promised Sebastian about Tristan, how did it look now with him staying out all night? What if Sebastian thought Kurt had changed his mind and had sex with his colleague after all? ****  
** **

Kurt leapt off the bed, cursing himself quietly, and looked around for his shoes. ****  
** **

The rummaging shook Tristan awake. "Hmmm...what time is it?" he asked. Suddenly, he sat up.. "Did we oversleep? Have we missed the meeting?!" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head, frowning as he tried to push his feet into the pointed toes of his ankle boots, cursing their design. "It's six am," he muttered, "and I _really_ need to get home." ****  
** **

Tristan's eyes widened and his expression turned guilty. "Will you be in trouble? Nothing happened, right? I mean…" he paused and looked down at his clothes. He was still fully dressed from the day before. "Nothing _did_ happen...did it?" ****  
** **

Kurt blushed and shook his head. "No, nothing happened, but I still need to get home." He had visions of Sebastian curled up in a ball somewhere in the apartment, unable to move through fear. "Ugh, I'm so _stupid!_ " Finally, his foot slipped into his boot and he got up. ****  
** **

"I'm really sorry," Tristan offered. He got up and picked up Kurt's jacket from the chair. He held it out awkwardly. "This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't let you come back here to help me." ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. It didn't matter. All he wanted now was to get home. ****  
** **

"I'll see you at the office, okay?" he said, grabbing his jacket. "You should try to get one or two hours of sleep. Just set an alarm." ****  
** **

Tristan shook his head. "I need to work. I'll see you there...I really am sorry Kurt…" ****  
** **

Kurt was already out of the door.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

The ride on the subway seemed to last forever. Kurt kept checking his phone. There were no messages. How were there _no_ messages? Was Sebastian okay? Had he gone out to look for him? ****  
** **

As he got off the subway he tried dialling Sebastian's number. It just rang and rang before hitting voicemail. _Where is he?_ ****  
** **

He finally got to the apartment and took the stairs two at a time. _At least I get a morning workout_ , he thought vaguely. He threw the apartment door open and rushed inside.

"Bas?" he called out, flipping on the light. "Sebastian...I'm here. I'm so sorry, we-" He broke off. Sebastian wasn't in the living room.  ****  
** **

"Bas?" he called again, walking to the bedroom. He pushed the door open and stopped in his tracks. Sebastian was there, fast asleep, curled up in the soft embrace of Bruce, Kurt's boyfriend pillow. ****  
** **

Kurt took a moment to calm himself down. His heart was still racing. His eyes travelled over Sebastian and what he saw surprised him.  ****  
** **

Sebastian's skin was rosy and his hair was flat - but not as messed up as it got when he pulled at it in his sleep during a nightmare. A moist spot on Bruce's one-armed shirt matched the glistening corner of his mouth. Sebastian seemed completely peaceful and at ease, lost in his dreams. The sight made Kurt well up a little. ****  
** **

Slowly, so as to not startle his boyfriend, he crossed the room and sat down carefully on the bed. ****  
** **

The dip of the mattress stirred Sebastian from his sleep. He blinked his eyes open and shut them again, groaning a little. It was barely daylight and the room was still mostly dark. He slowly opened his eyes again and let them adjust. With the help of the light filtering in from the other room, he could make out the body sitting next to him.  ****  
** **

He rubbed his eyes and moved a little. ****  
** **

"Kurt?" he asked confused. "What time is it?" ****  
** **

Kurt winced. "It's almost seven. I fell asleep while we were working on today's presentation. I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't mean to! I swear I just fell asleep, that's all that happened. Are you okay? Did it take you ages to go to sleep? I am _so so_ sorry. I didn't get any messages from you but maybe the hotel had bad reception, I don't know, or-" Kurt stopped his waterfall of worries as he realised Sebastian was still too sleepy to catch up with him.  ****  
** **

"Are you okay?" he rephrased. ****  
** **

Sebastian moved Bruce away from himself, dumping him unceremoniously on the floor, and rubbed his eyes again. He noticed the wet feeling on his cheek and wiped it off. ****  
** **

"Hmm? Oh yeah...just-" he yawned. "Sorry." He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so deeply, and it was taking longer than usual for his brain to wake up. Finally, the tension in Kurt's voice got through to him and he did his best to jolt his brain into action. ****  
** **

"I'm really okay," he said again, a little clearer this time and shuffled to sit up, reaching blindly for the night stand light. Once the soft glow illuminated the room he saw Kurt properly. He looked _awful_. ****  
** **

"Are _you_ okay?" Sebastian asked. "You look like you've barely slept." ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "We worked until late and then I slept in my clothes on top of my notes. I woke up at six and when I realised I'd been out all night I got up and came home as fast as I could." He looked at Sebastian guiltily. "I was so worried. I promised that I'd be back before you went to sleep and I honestly intended to keep that promise! It completely took me by surprise. I _never_ nodded off before, not even when I was working three jobs in between classes!" ****  
** **

"Kurt," Sebastian said, placing a hand on his boyfriend's hand to stop his rambling. "It's okay." ****  
** **

Kurt paused and stared at Sebastian with his mouth open in surprise. "Aren't you angry with me?" ****  
** **

Sebastian yawned again and shook his head. "When you didn't come home I figured work had run on...I did have a moment of panic, but then Elliott texted and it distracted me. He had had a bad day and needed to chat, and we kinda helped each other through it...and then Bruce and I had an affair without you." ****  
** **

Sebastian winked at him with a cheeky grin, and patted the bed next to him. Kurt moved closer and nuzzled into Sebastian's side. Sebastian wrapped his arm around him and Kurt felt himself relax. Sebastian was still soft and sleep-warm and Kurt finally let go of the tension in his shoulders.  ****  
** **

"I did worry a little," Sebastian added, kissing Kurt's head,  "but I knew if you were in trouble you'd call. So I just figured you were caught up with helping Tristan...how did it go?" ****  
** **

"Well, I found out why he's always so stressed," Kurt started. "He's basically doing two full time jobs…" ****  
** **

He told Sebastian about their talk and the work Tristan had been saddled with.  ****  
** **

"...It's completely unfair, but I'm afraid if I tell anyone I might jeopardise his job," Kurt finished. "So I offered to help him instead."  ****  
** **

He looked up at Sebastian. "I'm sorry you panicked, but I'm glad you had someone to turn to," he said honestly. _Even if it wasn't me_ , he added in his head. ****  
** **

"It was only momentary," Sebastian smiled. "And...in then end I was okay. I slept, all the way through...no nightmares, nothing." He grinned. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled, his worries about his boyfriend finally at ease. Then he sighed. "I should probably shower, put something else on, and meet Tristan at the office." ****  
** **

"Maybe have a _little_ nap before you get ready?" Sebastian asked, tightening his grip around Kurt so that he didn't move. "No offence baby, but you look shattered. What time do you need to be at the office?" ****  
** **

"Mmm...the meeting is not until eleven thirty," Kurt said, sighing. He cuddled closer and peeked up at Sebastian. "But catering is arriving at ten and I know Tristan is probably going to be there at nine to walk his boss through the presentation and I have a lot of other work still left on my desk…"  ****  
** **

He felt his eyes droop as he talked. The combination of the long night and the comforting warmth of his boyfriend made him realise how sleepy he still was. He knew Sebastian was right. He _was_ exhausted, and it really wouldn't help anyone if he arrived at Vogue looking like he had partied all night. He smiled up at his boyfriend. "Maybe I'll sleep for a little bit. Will you be my Bruce?" he asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and nodded. "Always."  ****  
** **

Kurt stood up and took off his clothes before joining Sebastian under the covers. Sebastian reached over and turned off the side light. He slid back down so his head was resting on the pillows and rolled over so he could wrap himself around Kurt. ****  
** **

"Sleep for an hour, and then you can meet him at the office at nine," Sebastian whispered, kissing Kurt's shoulder. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Kurt was glad Sebastian had convinced him to sleep a bit more. When he got up over an hour later, he felt a lot more alive than he had before. He showered quickly, and by the time he got out, Sebastian had made him breakfast and everything just seemed perfect.  ****  
** **

Of course, Kurt should have known such moments never lasted long. ****  
** **

When he arrived at Vogue, Tristan was already there, hunched over a laptop and a stack of print-outs. He looked every bit as tired as Kurt had felt that morning, and Kurt doubted very much that Tristan had taken his advice to go back to bed. He was so out of it that he hadn't noticed his phone buzzing next to his hand. ****  
** **

"Tristan?" Kurt asked, knocking the open door of the conference room with his knuckles. "Tristan?" ****  
** **

His colleague sat up with a start and looked at him with wide eyes. His hair looked a little wild (and yet, Kurt begrudgingly noticed, _still_ managed to look stylish).  ****  
** **

"I'm up!" Tristan said. "I'm here!" He finally noticed his phone and quickly picked it up. "Roy! Yes! No, I was just-" He glanced at Kurt and grimaced, "taking another call, I'm so sorry. Yes, I'm already here. Yes, I got the- Well, I ordered you a taxi, so-"  ****  
** **

He shook his head and lowered his phone. "You know, just for _once_ , I wish that man would let me finish a sentence," he said. ****  
** **

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked. "Can I get you a coffee? Catering won't be here for another half hour." ****  
** **

"Oh Kurt, a coffee would be fabulous, _thank_ _you_ ," Tristan said looking at him as if he was Father Christmas, The Tooth Fairy _and_ the Easter Bunny all wrapped up wearing a Boss suit. ** **  
****

Kurt smiled at him and backed out of the room. ****  
** **

While he waited for the coffee to brew, an idea came to him. He checked the small fridge and smiled. They were in luck. One of the art directors had celebrated her birthday the day before, and as hardly anyone at Vogue ever ate, there were left-over danishes. He put one on a plate, poured a coffee and carried them both through to the conference room. ****  
** **

"I'm guessing you didn't eat breakfast?" Kurt suggested, and set the plate and mug down next to his colleague. He was met with a thankful moan. ****  
** **

"Oh Kurt, I love you! That's twice you've saved my life now," Tristan said reaching for the coffee. He inhaled the scent for a moment and then took a sip, sighing in relief. ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. "It's okay, I'll just add it to the list of favours you owe me...You know, for when you go back to San Francisco and start clogging up my phone lines again," Kurt teased and trapped his tongue between his teeth.  ****  
** **

Tristan shook his head. "I am _forever_ in your debt, and will never harass you again!" He took a large bite out of his pastry and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying it. ****  
** **

"Uh huh," Kurt said playfully. "I'll believe _that_ when I see it." ****  
** **

He winked and turned to leave the room but as he reached the doorway, Tristan called him back again. ****  
** **

"Hey, Kurt? I really am grateful," he said sincerely. "I don't know how I'd have got all this done without you." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled at him. "You're welcome," he said. "I just hope it all pays off." ****  
** **

Tristan visibly hesitated. "So...what did your boyfriend say? Was he mad??" he finally asked. "Do you need me to talk to him and convince him that nothing happened…?" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "He wasn't mad at me. He trusts me. But sometimes, he has trouble sleeping, and I promised I'd be there for him, you know?" Kurt sighed and shook his head, his smile fading a little. He still blamed himself for Sebastian's moment of panic, even if it hadn't been too bad.   ****  
** **

"I'm sorry," Tristan said softly. "Was he alright?" ****  
** **

"He had a good night," Kurt said, in a decisive voice that made it clear he wasn't going to divulge any more information.  ****  
** **

Tristan let out a relieved sigh. "I'm glad. I would have hated to have messed things up between you two. You helped me a lot, Kurt." ****  
** **

"That's what I am here for," Kurt replied, and left to carry out his usual morning tasks.  ****  
** **

Half an hour later, he had a table set up in the conference room ready for the catering delivery, and Tristan was standing by Daphne at the reception desk, anxiously waiting for his boss to turn up so that they could go through the presentation. ****  
** **

"He isn't here yet?" Kurt asked, walking up to them. ****  
** **

"Trust me, you'd know if he was," Tristan said darkly.  ****  
** **

Isabelle came in, breezing by in a cloud of Stella McCartney, holding a cellphone to her ear and talking rapidly in Italian. She looked stressed. ****  
** **

Kurt frowned. "I should go check on her," he said, stopping at his desk to pick up his tablet.  ****  
** **

As he followed Isabelle, he could hear Tristan start up a bit of smalltalk with Daphne, and just before Kurt reached Isabelle's office, he heard Daphne laugh. It startled him; he had never heard her laugh before. ****  
** **

Isabelle hung up her phone as he entered and immediately started telling Kurt about some new issue that was plaguing her. Every now and then, he looked over his shoulder at the entrance. Roy was running late. Kurt silently hoped he wouldn't blame Tristan for it, but knew he probably would. ****  
** **

"I'll tell you what Kurt," Isabelle said looking harassed. "I'll be glad once this is all over! What a night-" ****  
** **

A Skype message popped up on her laptop and she shrieked. "Oh no, he's here, and I'm not done with my stuff yet. Why is he already here, the meeting isn't until eleven thirty!"  ****  
** **

"He wanted Tristan to-" Kurt started, but Isabelle shushed him.  ****  
** **

"Please go see to him, Kurt, I don't want to talk to him yet. I need at least one Advil and a coffee first. Go, go!" She made a shooing motion with her hands. ****  
** **

Kurt nodded, got up and left the room, bracing himself.  ****  
** **

"-And you can stop smooth-talking the receptionist, it's not like she's gonna fall for your London accent shit," he heard Roy say as he approached. "I doubt you even ever _had_ a girl at all with the way you look. Don't you know how combs work?"  ****  
** **

Roy turned to Daphne. "How about some coffee, honey? I'm sure they don't pay you just to look pretty around here." ****  
** **

Kurt clenched his jaw. "I'm in charge of that," he said coldly, knowing that Daphne was, in fact, taking a dual degree in design and business administration and was only at the reception desk because they lacked office space - which was actually _Roy's_ fault, as his department was getting the extra money. ****  
** **

Roy turned to look at him, and Kurt could tell by the twist of his lips that he did not like what he saw. Kurt had seen that look a lot of times in his life. _The bad coffee it is,_ he thought vengefully. ****  
** **

"This way, please," Kurt said, smiling tersely. He caught Tristan's eyes over Roy's shoulder. Tristan offered him an apologetic look. ****  
** **

Kurt lead them to the conference room and excused himself to make some new coffee - though he planned to just rebrew the old batch of earlier and only serve it to Roy. ****  
** **

"I'm sorry about that," he offered Daphne on his way to the kitchen. "I am told he's always like that." ****  
** **

"I don't mind," Daphne said, her usual morose tone back now that Tristan was gone. "Guys are like that. Why did he say Tristan needed a girlfriend? He's gay, isn't he?" ****  
** **

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm not sure Roy cares enough to notice - or care. Tristan's not from London, either. But Roy probably prefers the idea of Tristan he has made up in his own mind." ****  
** **

Daphne sighed. " _Straights_ ..."  ****  
** **

For once, Kurt didn't feel the need to remind her not to generalise. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Catering arrived, and Kurt helped the delivery woman carry the trays into the conference room. The food looked exquisite and he secretly hoped there'd be some left-overs for him...there was a particularly scrumptious looking smoked salmon and cream-cheese sandwich that had caught his eye.  ****  
** **

Tristan and Roy were deep into the presentation. Tristan was trying to explain what they had planned for him to say, but Roy's eye kept wandering to the food table - and the woman laying it out. ****  
** **

The next time she passed him with her hands full, he pretended to stretch, brushing her backside with his hand. Tristan didn't notice, but Kurt did. He looked at the woman and held out his hands for the platter she was carrying so she could slap Roy's face, but she shook her head in a tired gesture. Not wanting to embarrass her, Kurt let it pass, but he was starting to get more annoyed with Roy. Who did he think he was, coming in here with his attitude and his insults and his groping? ****  
** **

Thankfully, the last of the catering was now inside and Kurt walked the delivery woman to the door so he could apologise out of Roy's earshot. Vogue had a reputation to uphold, and he felt responsible. ****  
** **

When he returned, Roy and Tristan were arguing. ****  
** **

"So how do I explain those costs then? What if someone asks?" Roy demanded. ****  
** **

Kurt saw the chart and knew at once what he was talking about. _Then we tell them about your weekend splash in the Four Seasons,_ he thought grimly, but Tristan had made him swear to keep that between them. It was listed under 'various expenses', as were Roy's golf trips. ****  
** **

"Nobody will ask," Tristan assured his boss. "It's not the point of the presentation." ****  
** **

"Well, if they do, you'd better have something up your sleeve, Trent." ****  
** **

"Tristan," Kurt corrected him sharply. ****  
** **

Roy frowned. "That's what I said. Who are you, anyway? Don't you have coffee to tend to? Or a kitchen to clean?" ****  
** **

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "I am Kurt Hummel, Ms Wright's PA." ****  
** **

"Oh, good, Kurt, you've covered introductions," Isabelle said, coming in with her tablet, a mug of coffee and a large purse. "Then we just need to wait for Mr Madison and our communications coach and we can get started. Kurt, could you please go to the front desk and send them our way when they arrive? ****  
** **

Roy grinned at him, no doubt pleased over Kurt's dismissal. ****  
** **

_Joke's on you, asshole_ , Kurt thought. _I'm just glad not to be in the room with you._ ****  
** **

Kurt took up a seat next to Daphne and pulled out his phone. He had a text from Sebastian. ****  
** **

**From P.Martini (11:05)**

**Chin up baby, hope the meeting goes well. I love you <3** ****  
** **

**To: P.Martini (11:27)**

**Tristan's boss is a total jerk! I have so much to tell you later xxx** ****  
** **

Then, Kurt saw Chase arrive and quickly put his phone away. The coach from HR arrived a couple of minutes later and Kurt led them straight in to the conference room (with a warning to Chase to only use the _left_ coffee thermos). He closed the glass doors behind them and glanced at Tristan as he did so. Tristan was twiddling his fingers nervously and his leg was jutting up and down under the desk. Kurt smiled at him reassuringly and backed away from the door, hoping his new friend would be okay in there. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Kurt's morning seemed to _drag._ He had a list of things to do but he just couldn't focus. Instead, he texted Sebastian a bit more until his boyfriend's class started and he couldn't reply anymore. Every now and then, Kurt would pick up some files and walk from his desk to Isabelle's office, just to have an excuse to pass their room and peek inside. At some point, Tristan's boss was standing up, clicking through their presentation. Tristan was quietly talking to Chase, no doubt filling him in on what the slides were actually supposed to mean as opposed to what Roy was saying. Later, as Isabelle was talking, Kurt spotted Roy scrolling through his phone. Not realising his back was to the glass wall, he was browsing buzzfeed articles and quizzes. ****  
** **

Once the presentation was over and they took a break, Tristan made a dive for the exit - clearly in need of a cigarette. Kurt stood up to follow him out, eager to know how it had gone, but Isabelle collared him as she passed his desk. ****  
** **

"A word please?" she asked as politely as she could, though Kurt heard the underlying tone. With a glance at Chase, who shook his head, Kurt followed her instead.   ****  
** **

"Close the door, please, Kurt," Isabelle said, letting herself fall into her chair. ****  
** **

"Is...everything okay?" Kurt asked carefully. ****  
** **

Isabelle closed her eyes and rubbed her index and middle fingers against her temples. "Honestly…" she whispered. "I don't know _what_ it is about him, but I _really_ hate that guy," she mumbled. "-and it's not just because he's out for my job...there's just something about him that doesn't sit right." ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip. ****  
** **

"I'm in there, and it's like...I'm listening to him talk and all I can think is...he's full of shit! The presentation is well-prepared and seems reasonable...but everything _he's_ coming out with doesn't match it. He keeps going off on tangents and Tristan, the poor guy, he keeps trying to help but I don't really think even _he_ understands...Maybe I'm biased," she concluded. "I mean they _are_ trying to turf me out." ****  
** **

She shook her head. ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip again, feeling torn. He'd promised Tristan he would keep his secret, but listening to Isabelle now, it was clear she though them both incompetent and he couldn't let that happen. ****  
** **

"You're not biased," he said quietly. He threw a glance over his shoulder and spotted Roy talking to Daphne again. He was leaning over her desk and from her body language it was clear that she felt uncomfortable. "Roy's an asshole and he _doesn't_ have a clue about what's going on. I can assure you however that Tristan _does_." ****  
** **

As quickly and discreetly as possible, he told Isabelle everything Tristan had told him; from the golf trips and holidays with his ‘contacts' to forcing the work of three people on to Tristan, and everything in between. He told her how he'd spent the entire day yesterday helping Tristan finish the presentation, including the barrage of interruptions and amendments by Roy. ****  
** **

Isabelle sat quietly while Kurt talked, her expression becoming more and more stoney the longer he went on. ****  
** **

"And then this morning he turned up almost an hour late, managed to insult Daphne, Tristan _and_ me within the space of thirty seconds, _and_ sexually assaulted the catering girl when she was setting up the food." ****  
** **

Isabelle held up her hand and Kurt fell silent. His fists were clenched tight and he was shaking with rage. ****  
** **

"Okay," she said calmly, reaching for her desk phone. "Here's what's going to happen. You are going to go to the bathroom, calm yourself down and then go out there and rescue Daphne. Tell her to take her lunch break now and reroute incoming calls to voicemail. Then tell Ms Thompson and Chase to come in here." ****  
** **

Kurt bit his lip and nodded.  ****  
** **

"And then, and I'm sorry about this, I need you to keep Roy and Tristan both distracted while we talk  and make a few calls. You can sit in the conference room with them and help yourself to the food...I saw the salmon sandwiches and know that's your kind of thing." Her eyes twinkled just a little. ****  
** **

Kurt pulled up the corner of his mouth in a half-smile. "What are you going to do?" he asked warily. ****  
** **

"Well, I am _not_ going to put up with this," Isabelle said darkly. "I know people seem to think I'm incapable as I'm just a silly _female_ , that I rely on you all too much and I'm a bad leader - but that is why I have to do this. Please go do what I've asked and leave this to me." ****  
** **

Kurt stood up, his heart sinking to his feet. He'd really blown it. ****  
** **

"Tristan really does do a good job, I really don't want to get him in trouble…" he pleaded quietly.  ****  
** **

Isabelle waved her hand, already pressing a number on her phone.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

As Kurt entered the conference room, Tristan was still downstairs. Isabelle had called Chase into her office next, so Roy was sitting on his own and was playing with his phone. ****  
** **

Kurt raised his chin and put on a professional smile. ****  
** **

"More coffee?" he asked. ****  
** **

Roy scoffed. "God, no! That sludge is awful!" ****  
** **

_"Really_ _?"_ Kurt said innocently, pouring a cup for himself from the fresh thermos, "it's a fine Italian roast." ****  
** **

"Well, then it must be your brewing," Roy scoffed. "I'm glad you're not _my_ PA." ****  
** **

"So am I!" Kurt said sweetly, taking a sip of his coffee. ****  
** **

"Where is everyone?" Tristan asked, coming in. "I thought we said ten minutes?" ****  
** **

"She's holed up in her office with HR and that pompous fag," Roy scoffed. ****  
** **

Kurt raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Tristan. "Mr Madison is one of our top designers," Kurt said icily. ****  
** **

Roy visibly rolled his eyes. "Is there anywhere I can take a leak around here?" ****  
** **

"Down the hall to the left and it's the second door on the right," Kurt said as politely as he could. "I can show you if you like?" ****  
** **

"No thanks, I don't need some twink staring at my junk." ****  
** **

Kurt narrowed his eyes and smiled thinly. ****  
** **

As soon as his boss was out of earshot, Tristan turned to Kurt. "I'm so sorry," he offered. "It didn't go very well and he's looking for someone to take it out on." ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head and walked over to the table. "Don't apologise. It's not your fault." ****  
** **

"I know, but I-" Tristan stopped talking and frowned. "What are you doing?" ****  
** **

"Setting up a conference call," Kurt mumbled. "In case he needs to rant some more." ****  
** **

"A conference call? To where?" Tristan asked. ****  
** **

"Isabelle's office." ****  
** **

Tristan frowned. "Please don't. Kurt, I beg you, he'll fire me for real and I-" ****  
** **

"Isabelle already knows," Kurt confessed. ****  
** **

"Wh- what?" Tristan whispered. ****  
** **

Kurt was about to explain when Roy burst into the room, looking angry. Hoping to be inconspicuous, Kurt pressed the number for Isabelle's desk. A small green light went on. ****  
** **

"Apparently, the feedback round is cancelled," Roy announced. "Her royal bitchiness has required my presence in her office. What's this about, Trent?" ****  
** **

Tristan paled. "I d-don't know," he stammered quietly. ****  
** **

"What did you _do?"_ Roy said stepping towards them menacingly. "What the fuck did you tell her?" ****  
** **

"Nothing!" Tristan said. "Nothing, I-..." ****  
** **

Roy turned his eyes on Kurt, who crossed his arms over his chest.  ****  
** **

"The truth," Kurt said coldly. ****  
** **

"And what would _you_ know about that, boy?" Roy demanded. ****  
** **

"More than you do about doing the job you are paid for," Kurt replied. "Or the names of your employees." ****  
** **

Roy shook his head angrily. "Listen, I don't know what _he_ told you-" he gestured at Tristan, clearly at this point not daring to make a guess at his correct name, "and I don't care. As far as I am concerned, he no longer works for me. I want to know what that cunt thinks of me." ****  
** **

"I'm sure she'll tell you. Right after you explain the golf club membership, the presents for your future ex-wives, and all the business trips on Vogue expenses," Kurt said. ****  
** **

Roy turned on Tristan. "You _told_ him?" ****  
** **

Tristan opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish, no sound was coming out. He felt utterly betrayed and backed into a corner. ****  
** **

This was it, his life was over. He'd be fired from this job and probably blacklisted against every magazine. He'd be lucky to get a job with TV Guide. ****  
** **

"I-I-" he stammered. ****  
** **

Kurt felt horrible, but it was too late to take back. From the corner of his eye, he could see everyone in in Isabelle's office sitting around the phone.  ****  
** **

"We would have found out eventually," Kurt said. "No matter how good Tristan tried to hide it- on your instructions- eventually stuff would have come out. Someone else would have told on you." ****  
** **

"Like Denise..." Tristan mumbled, understanding suddenly dawning on him. "Denise, your PA! The day you fired her for good you told me to re-do that month's billing because she had messed it up! She was on to you, wasn't she?" He rose from his seat. "You bastard. What did you make me cover up? _What_?!" He had nothing to lose, and only moral satisfaction to gain. ****  
** **

The green light on the conference phone went out, and Kurt hoped it meant Isabelle had disconnected to contact Roy's old PA. Chase was coming their way. He opened the glass door of the conference room.  ****  
** **

"Ms Wright will see you now," he announced, his face neutral.  ****  
** **

"This will have consequences," Roy spat at Tristan and pointed at him menacingly before backing out of the room. ****  
** **

Tristan sank back into his seat, feeling weak. "Oh my god," he whispered. ****  
** **

"Tristan," Chase said softly. "Please don't worry, we are going to sort this, okay?" ****  
** **

Tristan let out a choked sound half way between a sob and a laugh. ****  
** **

Chase looked at them again before following Roy back into Isabelle's office. ****  
** **

" _Kurt_ !" Tristan cried accusingly. "What the hell? I _specifically_ asked you not to say anything. How _could_ you?" ****  
** **

"I'm sorry!" Kurt let out. "I didn't mean to, but Isabelle...she was about to throw you _both_ out with the bath water! I told her because I didn't want her to think you were incompetent!" ****  
** **

Tristan shook his head, "and now I'm probably out anyway! He is going to ruin me! I'm gonna have to go back to England...I'll never get another publishing job here."  ****  
** **

He ran his hand through his hair. "All that work..." he whispered. "For _nothing_." ****  
** **

Kurt felt close to tears, but wanted desperately to offer his friend some hope. "We'll find you something. I'll help! I promise I won't rest until-" ****  
** **

"You've already done enough, Kurt," Tristan said, getting up. "I need a smoke," he announced, and was about to head out as they heard shouting from Isabelle's office. It was muted, but it was clear that Roy was very angry. He pulled open the door and stormed out. ****  
** **

"My lawyer will hear of this! You haven't seen the last of me!" he shouted, grabbed his coat from the wardrobe and stalked towards the exit. As Roy blew passed him, Tristan backed up against the glass wall of the conference room, his stomach sucked in. ****  
** **

Kurt looked at Tristan, his eyes wide. ****  
** **

Tristan stared back at Kurt. His heart was pounding in his chest. He had no idea what to think. What was going to happen now?  ****  
** **

"Tristan," Isabelle said gently. "Would you come in here, please? We need to talk with you." ****  
** **

"You too, Kurt," Chase added.  ****  
** **

Kurt could feel his heart beat in his chest. Was he in trouble too? For helping Tristan cover everything up with the presentation? He rose from his seat and followed Tristan, feeling sick to his stomach. What would he do if he lost his job as well? He'd still have Satire, but his resumée would be shot. Kurt immediately reprimanded himself. This was all a lot worse for Tristan, who didn't have a backup job.  ****  
** **

"Please sit down," Isabelle said.  ****  
** **

They both did as she asked. Tristan's backside was barely on the seat when he started talking. ****  
** **

"Please, I know it's bad, I know I did wrong but please, _please_ don't fire me. I need this job, I don't have anything else. I'm sorry, I'm so sor-" ****  
** **

Isabelle held up her hand and he fell silent, his heart caught in his throat. ****  
** **

"Tristan," Isabelle said gently. "It's _us_ who should be apologising to you." ****  
** **

Tristan's mouth fell open, his heart sinking to his feet. ****  
** **

"Wh-" ****  
** **

"Isabelle is right, Tristan," Ms Thompson said. "The treatment you have received at the hands of one of our senior executives is unacceptable and I would like to assure you that we will be taking this seriously." ****  
** **

Tristan swallowed. He could hear his blood rushing in his ears so much he wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. ****  
** **

"Mr Davis has been suspended without pay pending an investigation based upon what we heard here today. We will need a formal statement from you, but his company credit card has been frozen and his system access has been revoked." ****  
** **

Tristan stared at her with his mouth hanging open, comprehension failing him. _But...who would do the work?_ ****  
** **

"Naturally, if the investigation proves the allegations, we will need to reassign his position permanently...but in the interim, Isabelle and Chase have agreed to help _you_ carry out the role alongside your own, if you are willing to accept? As I understand it you've been doing the job for over a year anyway...This way, you won't be shouldering the burden completely by yourself - _and_ you will receive financial compensation for it." ****  
** **

Tristan turned to look at Kurt. Kurt looked back at him and pulled up his shoulders. ****  
** **

"I'm not fired?" Tristan asked, just to be sure. ****  
** **

"Are you crazy? I _need_ you!" Isabelle said. "I know I've not been the easiest person to work with in the past and I used to make Kurt tell you I wasn't in my office, but it wasn't personal! I promise I won't do that anymore. We'll help, and get the SF office back on track." ****  
** **

"Me too," Kurt added. "Uh, as much as I can, of course." Then he looked at the woman from HR. "Would Tristan be eligible for the job for real? I mean, if his boss is fired?" ****  
** **

Ms Thompson smiled pleasantly at him. "He'd have to formally apply, and then we'd review his credentials," she replied. "But we'd certainly take into account that he's been unofficially filling the position already."  ****  
** **

Tristan sucked in a huge breath and felt tears prickle his eyes. He closed them and let out a shaky breath. ****  
** **

He nodded. "I can do that, I love my job...I know that's a thing people say but I really do love it." He paused… "I'm really not fired?" ****  
** **

"No, you're not," Chase said, squeezing his shoulder. ****  
** **

"When are you flying back to San Francisco?" Ms Thompson asked. ****  
** **

"Tomorrow morning." ****  
** **

"Would you be willing to rearrange that and stay another day?" she continued. "I think it would be good for everyone if you can all sit down and put a plan of action together. Work out what you can hand over to the New York office and what you can keep in San Francisco." ****  
** **

For a moment, Tristan panicked, wondering what Roy would say. Then it hit him. No more Roy. Probably not ever. "Uh...yes, I think I can manage that," he mumbled, still a little dumbfounded. ****  
** **

Kurt hopped in his seat, feeling very pleased. He couldn't wait to tell Sebastian - _and_ Gabrielle. Suddenly, the end of their work day could not come soon enough. "I'll rebook your flight," he offered, getting up.  ****  
** **

"We did have this afternoon blocked out for the team building...but as I understand it you haven't slept," Isabelle said. ****  
** **

Tristan bit his lip. ****  
** **

“So maybe the two of you take the rest of the day off and catch your breath,” Isabelle suggested. ****  
** **

Chase nodded. "Isabelle and I will take the afternoon to make plans and I'll clear my schedule for tomorrow morning to go over them with you." He looked from Kurt to Tristan. "But not _too_ early. How does noon sound?" ****  
** **

"Great, but...I-I mean...I can probably come in earlier," Tristan rushed to say. "You really don't have to move everything around for me. If we're going to be working _together_ it should be a two way street." ****  
** **

Isabelle looked at him like Christmas had come early. That was definitely not something she'd ever heard from Roy. ****  
** **

"Alright," Chase said smiling at him. "How about ten, then?" ****  
** **

"I'll be here," Tristan said immediately. He looked over at Kurt with a grin, his green eyes sparkling. ****  
** **

Kurt grinned back. Neither of them were fired. It called for a party, and he knew just the place.


	29. Three Is A Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Tristan go to Satire to celebrate and convince Sebastian to go with them.

"-And then he just stormed out! And I was sure they'd toss me out right after him, and he'd kill me in the streets," Tristan said breathlessly, a little flushed from the retelling. ****  
** **

"And then when Chase called me in as well, I was sure _I_ was fired, too!" Kurt added. They were sitting on the subway, having picked Tristan up from his hotel for a night of celebration. Sebastian had already heard the short version when Kurt came to pick him up at NYU, but it was a story worth retelling in detail. ****  
** **

Sebastian was smiling, listening raptly and looking between the two of them, one more excited than the other, and for now, it was enough to calm his nerves. ****  
** **

**[3 hours earlier]** ****  
** **

"You know, this is probably the first night in months that Tristan doesn't have to work," Kurt commented conversationally as they put down the Chinese take-out on the table. They'd stopped for food on the way home. "And Chase made sure not to set a meeting in the early morning...he doesn't say much, but he notices a lot, that man." Kurt smiled at the thought. Tristan had immediately agreed to go to Satire later that night.  ****  
** **

They had used their free afternoon to finally go to Macy's. At one point Tristan had almost lost himself over the latest Versace coats, before Kurt dragged him off to look at shoes. ****  
** **

When they were finally shopped out ("surely there's no such thing Kurt?"), Kurt had dropped Tristan off at his hotel before making his way to pick up Sebastian. ****  
** **

"I bet he's not gonna know what hit him," Sebastian said, slipping his shoes and coat off and sinking into the couch, one leg crossed under himself. "I'm proud of you for helping him...I hope you have fun tonight." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled and picked up two boxes and two pairs of chopsticks. "You know, I was thinking," he said, walking over to the couch and handing Sebastian his food before sitting down next to him.  ****  
** **

"We'd have a lot more fun if… _you_ came along with us." He paused and bit his lip. "Tristan would really like to meet you, and I just know once we're at Satire he'll probably have charmed half the club by the time I get my jacket off, and then he'll leave me all by myself for sure…" ****  
** **

Sebastian paused in opening his box and looked at Kurt, a hint of fear creeping up his spine. ****  
** **

He'd not been back to Satire since the attack. ****  
** **

"You'll hardly be on your own babe, you know everyone there," he said with a fake air of ease. ****  
** **

"I know," Kurt said softly. "And if it makes you uncomfortable, I won't push it. I just thought...it might be nice. And I won't be working so I we can stay together at all times. We can dance, maybe have a drink - or not! I can stay sober if that makes you feel safer! And I know Joe and Danny and the others would love to see you too…"  ****  
** **

Kurt had given it quite some thought over the afternoon and had decided to try and ask. He had promised Sebastian to tell him things that were on his mind, and this was one of these things. ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip and looked at Kurt. He knew he'd have to go back at some point...after all, he still worked there and he _did_ enjoy his job...though he wasn't sure if he could get back up on the bar again. ****  
** **

Though, there was also the added hurdle of the subway. He'd still not braved taking it yet. ****  
** **

He held Kurt's gaze for a moment, weighing it up in his head. "I'll try," he said quietly. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled excitedly. "As soon as you want to leave, we're out of there. I promise." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"I think I spent about an entire pay check at Macy's but it was _so_ worth it," Kurt sighed as he finished his story of their epic day, leaning his head against Sebastian's shoulder. ****  
** **

"So Tristan's a better shopping buddy than me, is he?" Sebastian teased. ****  
** **

"Oh yes," Kurt agreed. "It definitely helped that he gave his honest opinion on my choices and didn't just say I ' _look better without it on'_ at every single item I showed him." Kurt stuck out his tongue. ****  
** **

Tristan chuckled. ****  
** **

"I am just being honest, babe," Sebastian replied, grinning. "I'm glad you two had fun." ****  
** **

"We did," Tristan said happily. "And it felt amazing to not be constantly checking my watch!" He shook his head. "I can't believe it honestly, it feels so surreal." ****  
** **

"I know, right? Not being interrupted by your phone all the time was a big plus, too. It was the first time since you arrived that I heard you get to finish your sentences!" Kurt chipped in.  ****  
** **

A man with a phone in his hand came to sit opposite them, and Kurt put his arm around Sebastian. The man glanced at them, then continued looking at his phone. ****  
** **

Sebastian leant into Kurt's touch a little, thankful that he was there. While Kurt had been in the shower earlier, Sebastian had sent out an SOS text to Elliott. His new friend had talked him through how to deal with the subway and the club, but when it came to reality, Sebastian knew he couldn't do this without Kurt. ****  
** **

While Sebastian had been apprehensive about sharing his problems and darker thoughts at first, having Elliott to talk to had been a blessing. As much as he loved Kurt, his dads and his friends, having someone who _knew_ how he was feeling and had been there himself, was paramount to how much progress he'd made in such a short space of time. ****  
** **

Unaware of Sebastian's thoughts, Tristan watched them together and smiled. "Kurt told me you grew up in France, Sebastian. How did you two meet?" ****  
** **

Sebastian and Kurt grinned at each other. "The first time? Or the second time?" Sebastian asked. ****  
** **

Tristan looked a bit confused, so Kurt helped him out. "We first met when we were both in high school," he started. "But it was not to be. Rival school choirs and everything." ****  
** **

"Very star-crossed," Tristan commented fondly. ****  
** **

" _Very,_ " Kurt agreed, glancing at Sebastian. "But then we both grew up and moved to New York, and one fine Tuesday, I decided to check out this bar...which happened to be the one where Sebastian worked." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Kurt and held his gaze. "And the rest as they say...is history." ****  
** **

Tristan watched them and sighed a little, a small smile on his lips. "And the bar we're going tonight…?" ****  
** **

"Is the same place," Sebastian finished. "Though I'm not currently working." He bit his lip and looked away, focusing on an advert running above the window on the opposite wall. ****  
** **

"Me neither," Kurt added, glossing it over. Sebastian did not owe everyone his story. "Tonight, we're just there to party!" ****  
** **

"Hear, hear," Tristan said. ****  
** **

"One of Sebastian's dads might have a shift tonight, though," Kurt mused. ****  
** **

"Oh, is it a family business?" Tristan asked. ****  
** **

"Sort of," Kurt replied. "It's very tight-knit." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Ten minutes later they climbed the steps from the subway up to the main street and joined the crowds. It still amazed Sebastian a little that no matter the time of day, the streets of New York were always busy - it really was the city that never sleeps. ****  
** **

They turned down the side road that would take them to Satire and they felt the bass of the music through the pavement. As they drew nearer, they saw a small queue to get in and Sebastian stopped in his tracks, staring up at the pink and turquoise neon sign that displayed the club's name. ****  
** **

Tristan and Kurt followed behind Sebastian. Tristan was talking to Kurt about the upcoming spring fashion weeks, but broke off when he noticed Sebastian stop in his tracks. ****  
** **

"Is something wrong?" Tristan asked quietly. ****  
** **

Kurt felt his heart sink. He knew he couldn't just tell Tristan _nothing_ , and it was better if he stopped Tristan from asking Sebastian directly. He put a hand on Tristan's arm to make him lean in a little closer.  ****  
** **

"Sebastian has PTSD. Some situations are hard on him, though it isn't always easy to say what will trigger it," Kurt said quietly. "It's possible he may want to leave early." ****  
** **

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tristan offered. He quickly connected the dots. "Is that why he has trouble sleeping?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. ****  
** **

"Is there anything we can do?" Tristan asked. ****  
** **

"I'll talk to him. Maybe you could hold our place in the queue." ****  
** **

Tristan nodded, and Kurt walked up to Sebastian. He didn't say anything just yet, simply slipping his hand into Sebastian's. ****  
** **

Sebastian started a little when he felt Kurt's touch but didn't pull away. He looked down at their joint hands and then let his gaze travel up to Kurt's face, his eyes wide. ****  
** **

"It's our home, remember?" Kurt said softly. "Let's reclaim it." ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't let go of my hand?" he said in a shaky voice. ****  
** **

"I won't," Kurt promised, raising it to his lips and kissing the back of Sebastian's hand.  ****  
** **

They re-joined Tristan, and waited for their turn. There was a new bouncer; a broad-shouldered, serious looking man. Marc had told them he was a retired wrestler, and he looked the part. He was, however, friendly enough, especially after Kurt showed his employee card. The new bouncer introduced himself as Charlie and let them in free of charge. ****  
** **

As usual on a Tuesday, it wasn't very crowded. Danny and Marc were on bar one, and bar two was closed. ****  
** **

"This is why I liked coming on Tuesday," Kurt said loudly over the music. "Not much going on...plenty of time to flirt with the bartender…" He squeezed Sebastian's hand. ****  
** **

"I see..." Tristan said, looking at the bar - and more specifically, at Danny mixing drinks. "Wow. What does a boy have to do to get _his_ attention?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked towards Danny and grinned. "Have a pulse?" he said jokingly. ****  
** **

His heart rate settled a little as he realised it really was a typical Tuesday. The sight of Marc reassured him as well. ****  
** **

They approached the bar and both Danny and Marc looked up. ****  
** **

"Seb!" Danny cried happily. "God, it's so good to see you! How are you?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and hopped up onto a stool. ****  
** **

"I'm getting there, thanks," he said warmly. "How are you? You've not burnt the place down in my absence?" ****  
** **

"Ha ha," Danny said dryly before shaking his head and grinning. "I'm doing good, thanks man. We really miss you around here. Place isn't the same." ****  
** **

Sebastian felt warmth blossom inside him and he smiled. ****  
** **

Danny returned his smile and extended it to Kurt. "Who's your new friend?" he asked nodding his head towards Tristan. ****  
** **

"I'm Tristan," Tristan said, leaning over the bar a little and batting his eyes. ****  
** **

Danny smiled at him. "What can I get you, Tristan?" ****  
** **

Tristan leered and let his eyes drag over Danny's torso. "I don't know," he said flirtatiously. "What's good here?" ****  
** **

"The Hanky-Panky," Danny said without batting an eyelash. ****  
** **

"Sounds delicious," Tristan replied. ****  
** **

Kurt snorted and exchanged a look with Sebastian. He had predicted this would happen. He hadn't considered Tristan would actually try to hook up with someone they _knew,_ but Kurt was pretty sure Danny would not be heartbroken if Tristan left for San Francisco in a few days, so if they were both in agreement, he saw no problem with it. ****  
** **

"Do you want to dance?" Kurt asked Sebastian, "or shall we go say hi to Marc?" He nodded at the other end of the bar. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked out at the dance floor. It was fairly empty by Satire standards, but he wasn't feeling quite brave enough yet. ****  
** **

"Let's go say hi." ****  
** **

Kurt offered Sebastian his hand, and together, they made their way around the other patrons. ****  
** **

"Hey boys," Marc greeted them. He took away a few empty glasses and used napkins to clear some space for them at the bar and wiped it down. "Would you like to see a menu?" he added playfully. ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed. "Why yes, actually I would!" ****  
** **

Marc winked and placed a menu in front of them. "I highly recommend the Anal Blast," he said with a straight face. ****  
** **

"Oh god!" Sebastian said, his face going a little red. "I think I'll just stick to a Pornstar Martini, thanks." ****  
** **

Kurt watched the exchange with a fond smile. He still hadn't changed Sebastian's display name in his phone. "I'll have a Shirley Temple please, Marc." Sebastian hadn't said anything about his offer to stay sober, but Kurt had never needed a drink to have a good time. ****  
** **

"Is that your colleague?" Marc asked, nodding at Tristan, who was leaning over the bar to talk into Danny's ear. He had one hand on Danny's bicep. ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. "He's like that with everyone," he said. "Ineffectively in my case, of course." He winked at Sebastian. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Kurt. "He seems like a nice guy, but even if he wasn't, you know what Danny's like...if it's got a pulse and a cock he'll go there." ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head a little bit smirked. ****  
** **

"Now come on, Seb, you know that's not true," Marc argued. "He's more of an ass man." He winked at them both and started mixing their drinks. ****  
** **

"Tristan got promoted today, so we're celebrating," Kurt explained. "Well, actually I got his boss fired and he is now the interim on that post- but same thing, really." ****  
** **

Marc looked up with raised eyebrows. ****  
** **

"Hey, his boss deserved it!" Kurt said, and peeked over the bar at his drink. "More cherries, please." ****  
** **

"Remind me to never piss you off, Kurt," Marc said with a chuckle, adding extra cherries to the top of Kurt's drink. ****  
** **

He finished mixing Sebastian's and strained it into a glass, topping it off with a passion fruit half and a shot of Prosecco. ****  
** **

"Thanks," Sebastian said, handing over the money. "Put the change in the jar." He picked up the shot and poured it into his drink. "Cheers," he said holding his drink up to Kurt. ****  
** **

"Cheers." Kurt clinked his glass to Sebastian's and took a small sip. Then, he fished out a cherry with his fingers and popped it into his mouth. "I'd eat these all day if Satire offered better dental," he joked. ****  
** **

"That's probably why we don't," Marc replied, holding out the bowl to Sebastian to offer him one too. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Kurt but shook his head at the bowl. "No, thanks." ****  
** **

Marc nodded and looked at him searchingly. "You okay?" ****  
** **

Sebastian sipped his drink and nodded. "Yeah, just...not in the mood for a cherry." ****  
** **

Just then Tristan came sauntering over. "Oh my god, that man is delicious," he said sipping his drink. "I need to come to New York more often." ****  
** **

"Only the best for you," Kurt said. He introduced Tristan to Marc and they exchanged a few words. Then, a tall, dark skinned man with high cheekbones and tight-fitting shirt and jeans walked up to them. "How about a dance?" he asked. ****  
** **

Kurt did a double-take. He knew that voice. ****  
** **

" _Gabrielle?_ " he asked, a little uncertainly. They looked radically different from their usual attire at the fabric store. ****  
** **

"Yes, Kurt, it's me," Gabrielle said, grinning and jutting out one hip to strike a pose. "Call me _Gabe._ " ****  
** **

"Wow," Kurt whispered. "I'm… I didn't know-" ****  
** **

"Get you someone who can do both, honey," Gabe teased, winking at Tristan. ****  
** **

Kurt wondered if Gabe had been at Satire before, and he had just not recognised them. ****  
** **

"I'd _love_ to dance," Tristan said. "Lead the way." ****  
** **

"I always do," Gabe said with a flirty smile, and lead him away by the hand. ****  
** **

Marc watched them go. "Danny's got competition," he mused. ****  
** **

Sebastian glanced down the bar at their colleague, who was busy putting on a show for a group of regulars. He caught him wink at one of them. "I think he'll be okay," Sebastian chuckled, sipping his drink. ****  
** **

"So, you boys on for Thanksgiving?" Marc asked. "Kurt, I spoke to Carole yesterday and confirmed with her. I think they're looking forward to it." ****  
** **

"Oh yes, so are we, right?" Kurt said, looking at Sebastian. He couldn't wait to get a few days off. Sure, he looked forward to seeing his parents and eating excellent food (Paul had promised to cook) but what Kurt really needed was R&R with Sebastian. And what better place to get that than at Marc & Paul's luxurious place?  ****  
** **

"It's very nice of you to have Carole and my dad stay over," he said.  ****  
** **

Marc smiled at him. "We're both looking forward to it. You know Paul, he _loves_ entertaining, and this way, everyone gets to be together." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. After everything that Marc and Paul had done for him over the last few months, he couldn't imagine spending the holidays without them. He also wanted to be with Kurt and so he was more than happy with this arrangement.  ****  
** **

He knew Kurt hadn't been able to spend last Thanksgiving with his parents and his Christmas and New Year were both busts. Sebastian was determined to make this year's holiday season special for Kurt. ****  
** **

"It'll be great!" Sebastian said. "I miss cuddles with the girls!" ****  
** **

"Now there's a sentence that doesn't get uttered in this place every day," Marc joked, and winked at them before directing his attention to another order. ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. "I miss the dogs too," he agreed. "And the pool. And the sheet thread count…" He sighed. "I'm glad we came here tonight. It feels good to be back here with you." ****  
** **

Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt and pulled him close, pressing a kiss to his temple. "I'm glad we came too...I wasn't sure if I could, but I'm happy to know that I can." ****  
** **

He finished his drink and gathered his courage. "Do you still want to dance?" ****  
** **

Kurt beamed at him. "With you, always." ****  
** **

They went to the dance floor, and for the next few hours, it was just the two of them and the music. Every now and then, they'd be joined by Tristan and Gabe, who seemed to be getting on very well, though Tristan was also drawn back to the bar (and Danny) now and then.  ****  
** **

"I wonder if he'll make up his mind before closing time," Kurt mumbled, and yawned, stifling it against the side of Sebastian's neck. They were slow-dancing, though by now they didn't so much move as softly sway while embracing. "I think I'm ready to go home soon, though. I'm sure Tristan'll find his way back to the hotel. Shall we go say goodbye?" ****  
** **

"Yes," Sebastian said and pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead. ****  
** **

As they reached the bar, Tristan and Gabe were there, watching Danny mix them a drink. ****  
** **

"Hey, we're gonna go home," Kurt said. ****  
** **

"So soon?" Gabe asked.  ****  
** **

"Well, it's-" Kurt started, but Tristan interrupted him. ****  
** **

"One dance? Please, Kurt? Is that alright?" He looked from Kurt to Sebastian. ****  
** **

Kurt hesitated. He had promised Sebastian he'd be with him all night, and so far he had. ****  
** **

"I can stay at the bar," Sebastian said. ****  
** **

Kurt looked into his eyes to make sure he was okay, then nodded. "Just one, and then we'll go," he promised, and followed Tristan to the dance floor. ****  
** **

A slow song had just started, and with a shy smile, Tristan stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Kurt's neck. Kurt could feel his heart pound in his chest. This close, Tristan was even more attractive, and he smelled amazing. He hesitantly put his hands on Tristan's waist. ****  
** **

"I haven't had the chance to thank you yet," Tristan said, his voice low in Kurt's ear. "In the course of two days, you've changed my whole life around." ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed. "I just couldn't sit by and let you get fired because of Roy. It wasn't right." ****  
** **

"No," Tristan agreed. "But it really means a lot that you stood up for me. Fashion is usually an everyone-for-themselves industry." ****  
** **

"So is NYADA," Kurt replied, "but I still won't rejoice when someone in my dance class breaks an ankle, even if it means I get a solo." ****  
** **

"Because you're _you_." ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "I'm probably not cut out for this business." ****  
** **

"Maybe not, but this business needs you," Tristan said. "I'm glad I met you." ****  
** **

Not quite sure what to do with his praise, Kurt remained silent and they danced a bit more.  ****  
** **

"I hope he gets better," Tristan offered quietly.  ****  
** **

Kurt stopped moving for a moment and looked at Tristan. He could tell his words were genuine and his eyes were filled with understanding. "Thank you," he whispered. "We're...working on it." ****  
** **

"Well, he's got the best man at his side," Tristan said. The song drew to an end and he stepped away. "How do I look?" he asked, raising his chin in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Think I might get lucky tonight?" ****  
** **

Kurt broke out in a grin. "I have absolutely no doubts about that."


	30. A Favour Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has a surprise for Sebastian - and gets a surprise in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [DD] I just want to say thank you for all the support I've received over the last couple of weeks. It's been a really difficult time for my family and I, and we are doing our best to help each other through it. The love and support I've received has been heart-warming and I love you all tremendously.  
> I would like to add a massive thank you to JW - I don't know where I'd have been without you the last two weeks.  
> We hope you like the chapter tonight, it was really fun to write and is a little bit of light amongst the dark.  
> The funeral is on the 14th Jan so there may not be a chapter next week. 
> 
> Content warning: The very end of this chapter has a moderately graphic (consensual!) intimate situation going on ;)

"Alright guys and gals, don't forget: your papers are due by midnight next Tuesday, I will not accept late submissions! Have a good weekend all of you!"

"I hate when they make deadlines so late!" Alex said grumpily. "I like my sleep!"

"You do realise that the deadline just means that's when you have to submit it _by,_ right?" Alice asked."It's a limit...not a goal." Alice shook her head.

Alex rolled his eyes. "I haven't even started the paper...I was going to do it this weekend- unless..." he looked at Sebastian. "Boys weekend?"

Sebastian shook his head. "No can do," he said, sliding his laptop into his bag along with his textbook. "I um...it's my first shift back at work tonight, and...depending on how that goes, I'll be working tomorrow and Sunday too. We need the money. Plus, Kurt and I wanted to spend some time together..." He shrugged and offered his friend an apologetic look.

Things had been slowly getting better between Sebastian and Kurt recently. With regular therapy sessions once a week, plus the group, Sebastian was starting to feel steadier again. He had begun to get a feel for his triggers and how to avoid and/or deal with them, and how to push intrusive thoughts to the background until he could talk through them in a session.

Sebastian still didn't feel ready to have sex, but they had been growing closer, and rebuilding intimacy; holding hands, kissing, and spending time together on the couch watching TV or reading.

"He's actually meeting me outside, so we better get a move on," Sebastian said.

"Okay," Alice said hesitantly.

"Don't chicken out," Steph whispered in her ear as she passed. "You promised me."

"I know," Alice replied, then offered Sebastian a nervous smile. "Do you think Kurt will have a minute to talk to me? I, um...I should- I mean, I _want_ to apologise to him."

Sebastian shouldered his bag and looked at her. "I think so." He offered her a smile. "Thank you."

She nodded and they joined the crowd filing towards the door, Sebastian only flinching once or twice. _I can handle this_ _,_ he told himself, _and if I can't, Alex will kick their ass._ It helped.

He spotted Kurt as soon as they stepped onto the courtyard. He was sitting on the circular bench that ran around a large oak tree, scrolling through his phone. As if he could feel he was now being watched, he looked up and and caught Sebastian's eye. His face lit up and he rose from the bench.

Sebastian smiled back at him and waved, suddenly feeling warm, the crowd around him forgotten.

Alice felt lead in her stomach as she followed behind Sebastian. Kurt's eyes flickered over her and his expression changed almost imperceptibly to one of a guarded nature.

"Hi Kurt," she offered timidly as Sebastian stepped back from greeting him. "D- could I have a word?"

Kurt breathed in slowly and nodded. He knew he had to give her a chance for Sebastian's sake.

"Sure," he said, keeping sight of Sebastian from the corner of his eye.

Alice led him a little away from the others and looked up at him nervously. He really was very tall.

"I um...I am so sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry for accusing you of hurting Sebastian, and I'm sorry for overstepping...I was just _so_ worried and...my brain got the better of me. I jumped to conclusions. I know you've been through a lot, and if I had only stopped to think about it, I would have known that you would never hurt him. I know you love Sebastian more than anything. I should have trusted you more. I just, I really am sorry."

"I know," Kurt admitted. "And I know you did it because you love Sebastian." He glanced back at his boyfriend, offering him a smile before turning back to face Alice.

"You mean a lot to him, and I don't want to get in the way of that. I want us all to be friends again," Kurt said, meaning it. "Thank you for taking the first step."

Alice nodded. "He means a lot to me too...but so do _you,_ Kurt. I really, really want to be _your_ friend again too, if you'll still have me."

"I do." Kurt smiled. This whole situation had left everyone needing to realign themselves and say things that would normally go without saying. "We should go. I have a surprise for Sebastian and I want to give it to him before work."

Alice's eyes glittered. "Oooh! What is it?"

Kurt grinned and opened his arms. "Come here, so Bas doesn't suspect anything," he encouraged her.

Alice stepped into his embrace, and as he hugged her, he whispered it in her ear. She gasped.

"I love it!" she whispered back. "I know he will, too."

"I hope so," Kurt said. "I'll let you know."

"Yes!" Alice said happily. "See you, Kurt."

Kurt smiled at her and walked back to Sebastian. "Shall we?"

Sebastian beamed at him and offered Kurt his arm. He waved at his friends.

As Kurt slid his hand through the crook of his elbow, Sebastian placed his free hand over it, squeezing gently. "Thank you," he said quietly as they headed towards the large gate. "For giving her a chance."

"Hey, members of Team Sebastian should stick together, right?" Kurt said.

Sebastian smiled at him and squeezed his hand again. It felt like another step forward to normal life.

They walked to the subway and discussed their day for a bit. Kurt knew Sebastian was nervous about going back to work so he tried to distract him with talk about the latest NYADA gossip and questions about his lectures at NYU.

They reached their apartment, and before Kurt opened the door, he turned around to Sebastian, took his hand, and said: "Ok, close your eyes. I have a little surprise for you."

Sebastian swallowed. He trusted Kurt, of course he did - but there were however, some things that still made him nervous, and not being able to see what (or who) was coming was one of them.

"Trust me. Nothing bad will happen," Kurt coaxed. "I don't have three school choirs hidden in there to sing you a proposal song or something," he added lightly.

Sebastian laughed. It helped. The thought that either of them would do something so public like that was ridiculous, and imagining three choirs stuffed into their tiny apartment did the rest. He let go of his tension. Maybe Kurt had baked something, or gotten him a present. He blushed. Maybe he really wanted to propose...not with choirs, but by himself? Sebastian's heart fluttered.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He heard Kurt unlock the door and under his guidance, Sebastian walked into the apartment. He let out a giddy breath as Kurt let go of his hand to shut the door. For a moment, nothing happened.

"Um...babe?"

Kurt moved back to his side and lead Sebastian further into the apartment. "Okay, just over here, yes, right there is good. Now...check this out."

Kurt waited for Sebastian to open his eyes and see the picture frame on the wall. "My boyfriend is a published author," he said fondly. "I thought we‘d celebrate."

Sebastian blinked, taking in the frame in front of him. Inside it was a printed article page. He read the byline and swallowed.

"You...you submitted my essay...to _The New Yorker?"_ He noticed the footnote at the bottom of the page. "...Kurt..."

Kurt bit his lip. "Um, well...You asked me to proofread it and then I was talking to Tristan when he was here, and he mentioned meeting someone from The New Yorker at a networking party, and I decided to call in a favour. Tristan sent it to his friend and they said they were looking for something _just_ like this and...yes, I did?" Kurt was suddenly afraid Sebastian hated it.

"Are you mad? I'm sorry, I just...thought it was _so_ good, and..."

Sebastian shook his head. Anger was one emotion he was _not_ feeling at that moment. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Kurt tightly.

"I love it. And I love _you,_ so much."

Kurt let out a long breath. "Okay. I was worried for a moment there." He smiled. "You worked hard on it, I felt it deserved to be read by more than just me and your teacher. I'm really proud of you."

Sebastian grinned and let out an excited laugh. "I can't believe this...I never thought that people would want to hear what I have to say."

Kurt beamed at him. "I never doubted that for a second."

He glanced at the frame. He knew almost every word by heart. "It's an advance print," he explained. "It won't come out until Thanksgiving." He hopped on the balls of his feet.

Sebastian looked down at the article and then looked at Kurt beaming. "Thank you, Kurt."

He moved forward slowly but deliberately, and kissed Kurt full on the mouth.

Kurt closed his eyes and returned the kiss, not stopping until Sebastian finally drew away. "Don't forget me when you're on your sixth book deal," he whispered a little out of breath.

Sebastian kissed him again and pressed their foreheads together, looking deep into Kurt's eyes.

"I'll never forget about you, Kurt. You've been so supportive over the last couple of months, I don't know where I'd have ended up if I hadn't had you."

"I'll remind you of that when fame has gotten to your head," Kurt replied playfully, hoping to keep the atmosphere light. It made him a little uncomfortable to be praised just for helping the man he loved above everything. That should have been a given.

He kissed Sebastian's lips again, wishing they didn't have to get ready for work.

Sebastian grinned at him and pressed a final kiss to Kurt's lips before stepping away. "We should get ready...do you want to shower first? I can make us some food?"

"I already showered at NYADA. But some food sounds good," Kurt replied. "I'll just change and then you can get ready too."

He knew Sebastian was stalling, but they had enough time to indulge a little.

-

A light French meal later, Kurt and Sebastian stepped off the subway a few blocks away from the club.

Sebastian still preferred other modes of transport when he was alone, but had managed to brave the crowded subways with company for a couple of weeks now. Kurt and his friends had fit it into their schedules to travel along with him as much as they could, and it felt natural by now; they'd use their time together to catch up, discuss homework or plan their weekends. Most of the time, Sebastian was able to forget the strangers around him and just focused on them.

As they exited the station and hit the familiar pavement, Sebastian found Kurt's hand and squeezed it.

This wasn't his first trip back to the club, but it _was_ his first night working, and somehow that was more nerve-wracking. The attention bestowed upon a bartender was very different from the anonymity of being just another patron in the crowd.

As they rounded the corner and the club came in to view, Sebastian halted.

Kurt felt him stop and looked at him. "You can do this," he whispered. "We're all here with you."

Terry was standing by the door, having a smoke. A few patrons were standing around chatting, waiting for the club to open. Kurt looked them over. They looked harmless, and he tried not to second-guess his first impression. Things were going to be okay.

Sebastian looked at the door, sucked in a breath and nodded. Tightening his grip on Kurt's hand, he started to walk.

The few patrons saw them and their faces lit up as they noticed Sebastian. "You're back!" One of them called happily. "How are you doing?"

Sebastian swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. The guys stayed where they were and made no move towards him.

"I'm...okay," he said quietly. "Thanks for asking."

"Sebastian!" Terry flicked his cigarette butt onto the street and walked up to them, a beaming smile lighting up his face. He put two large hands on Sebastian's shoulders and pulled him into a bear hug. "Man, it's so good to see you. Danny said you were here the other night but I wasn't here that day."

Sebastian sucked in a breath at the sudden contact. He looked at Kurt with wide eyes and fought the urge to struggle free. He closed his eyes and let out the breath.

"Th-thanks Terry," he said shakily, half-patting him on the shoulder. Terry let him go and he stepped back to the safety of Kurt's side. "And yeah, I came down with Kurt and a f-friend."

Terry shot a worried look at Kurt. Kurt shook his head almost imperceptibly.

Terry's smile faded. "Look, Seb...I wanted to say...I'm sorry for what happened to you. They must have slipped by me, I- It's my job to keep guys like that out-"

Kurt stopped him. "No one expects you to be a mind reader, Terry."

"No, but I am supposed to be a _people_ reader."

Sebastian reached out his free hand and placed it on Terry's shoulder. "I don't blame _you_ Terry...this... _wasn't_ your fault, okay?"

"Still," Terry shrugged, "I'm gonna do better, alright? It won't happen again, to anyone in there. Not on my watch." He opened the door for them. "Let me know if anyone gives you trouble and I'll be there immediately, OK?"

Sebastian smiled at him sadly and nodded a little before leading Kurt into the club. It was dark, but empty. The music playing through the sound system was not yet as loud as it would get later on.

The familiar scent of stale alcohol and dry ice from the fog machines filled his nostrils and he squeezed Kurt's hand.

They headed to the office first. Joe had asked him to put his head in before his shift. Both Joe and Marc were in there when they entered, and they  stood up when they saw him.

"Hi," Sebastian said nervously.

"Seb!" Joe rounded his desk, holding out his hand. "It's really good to see you. You look great."

Sebastian smiled and shook his hand, silently glad Joe hadn't hugged him too. He glanced at Marc and guessed that he'd given Joe a heads up.

"You alright?" Marc asked, squeezing his shoulder.

"Yeah, just...nervous I guess," Sebastian said, avoiding Joe's eye.

"Yeah, about that," Joe started, and Kurt looked up sharply. "I have decided that we might put the musical numbers on a back-burner until after the holidays. We're going to have enough on our hands with the benefit and the bar's revenue has always been good in the second half of the year. Next year, we'll talk about it, okay? It was always an extra thing, it's not part of your job description. Alright?" He gave Sebastian a fatherly look.

Kurt relaxed again, grateful that Joe took some of the pressure off the job. He didn't think Sebastian would want to get up on the bar any time soon - if at all - so it was good to know his boss didn't expect him too.

Sebastian nodded and offered him half a smile. "Thanks...but...it's not just that...I...would it be okay if I just stay behind the bar and don't go on empties rounds? I don't think...I can't walk through the crowds...I'm sorry."

"I can do that," Kurt offered immediately.

"We all can," Marc modified. "It's no problem, Seb."

"Whatever you need," Joe said. He held up his hands. "And if tonight's too much, take more time off. You'll always have a job to come back to here." He frowned. "I feel responsible for putting you in that situation in the first place."

Sebastian looked at his boss and shook his head. "I don't blame you, Joe. I don't blame anyone that works here for what happened."

He glanced at Marc and Kurt. They knew it wasn't just the attack at Satire that haunted his thoughts, but Joe didn't. Perhaps he would tell him some day, but for now, he wasn't ready to drag it all up for yet another person. For tonight, it sufficed to negotiate the way he could do his job with the knowledge Joe already had.

"Thank you, though."

Joe nodded. "Just as long as you don't blame yourself, either," he said, then paused. "Marc told me what they said at the police station."

He shook his head. "People just don't change. You know they told my brother Bennie the same thing; that it was his fault that he got sick, that it was his lifestyle, his friends...some even said it was _God's will_ . But whatever it was, it was not _their_ problem. He was to keep quiet and keep it within his _own ranks_ _."_

Sebastian felt his stomach turn uncomfortably. "I'm sorry Joe," he said solemnly. "Hopefully one day people will come to their senses..."

"I'm not holding my breath for it," Joe mumbled. "But that's why we've got places like this."

He looked up and seemed to shake himself out of his gloomy mood. "Sorry about that! It's Friday night, we should be getting ready to give everyone a party! T G I F, right?" He spelled it out in sing-song, wobbling his head at each letter, and Marc did a little happy dance.

It looked so silly that Kurt cracked up.

"What? We're too old to be cool?" Joe asked indignantly, nodding at himself and Marc, though Kurt was pretty sure they'd done it deliberately.

"Watch it, Joe - _I'm_ not too old," Marc protested. "I'm with _them_!" He pointed at Kurt and Sebastian.

Sebastian grinned at him. "You kinda _are_ old, pops...but we'll let you hang with the cool kids..." He winked, feeling himself relax under the familiar banter.

Marc narrowed his eyes and pointed at him, but it was all he could do not to laugh so he kept his lips firmly pressed together.

Joe chuckled. "Off you go, kids," he said fondly. _"And_ Marc _."_

Marc let out a dramatic sigh. "See, this is why I married an older man. At least _he_ makes me feel young." He lead the way out of the office.

Kurt took Sebastian's hand and stole a quick kiss on their way to the bar. "It's good to have you back here," he said. "Everyone's more fun with you around."

Sebastian smiled back at him. He could do this, this was familiar. "Love you," he whispered, stealing another kiss.

-

An hour later, the clubs doors had opened and the first rush of orders was finally over. Sebastian had been overwhelmed by the reception from their usual patrons.

They had all asked if he was okay and expressed their joy that he was back, leaving generous tips despite him not being able to be overly ambitious with his bottle throwing. It made him feel welcome and at home.

After finishing up an order, Sebastian turned around to put the money in the till and rolled his right wrist a little.

Kurt watched him, momentarily worried Sebastian was straining himself too hard. Kurt knew better than to try and take over, though. Now that they lived together, they had agreed that Kurt would only step in if Sebastian actively asked for help.

Kurt's customers demanded his attention again, and he leaned over the bar to hear their order better. A man put a hand over his wrist as he spoke, caressing Kurt's pulse with his thumb. He asked if Kurt remembered him from their tequila night. Kurt smiled professionally. He had invited a lot of men to touch him that night as part of the choreography. He regretted it a little now, realising belatedly it might have created expectations that he never intended to meet. He offered the man a free shot for ‘old times' sake', hoping he'd leave it at that.

Sebastian noticed the guy grabbing hold of Kurt's arm and felt the dread of panic start to rise in his throat. He opened his mouth to shout out, but just as the first syllable left his mouth, the man smiled and Kurt gently retracted his arm to pour him a drink.

The man eagerly took the shot, leaving Kurt a large tip before going back to the dance floor. Kurt breathed out and allowed himself a few seconds to gather his countenance before counting out the money.

Filled with adrenaline that now had no way to go, Sebastian fell back against the bar, closing his eyes to calm himself down.

After a few moments, he opened his eyes and walked towards Kurt, placing his own hand over the spot on Kurt's wrist the man had touched. "Are you okay?"

Kurt saw the remnant of fear in Sebastian's eyes and felt the echo of it in his chest.

"I'm fine," Kurt assured him. "For a moment, I-" He shook his head. "It was just a guy trying to flirt a little to get a drink. I gave him a free shot. I'm sure he would have preferred the way we served it during our routines, but..." He shrugged. "I'm okay."

It had reminded him that most guys there, when turned down politely, would _not_ resort to violence to get their way.

He leaned up and kissed Sebastian's cheek. Perhaps it was best if they left the whole "single at the job" thing behind them and showed their patrons they were not available from the start.

Sebastian closed his eyes and rested his temple against Kurt's for a moment, before pulling away. A patron was trying to get their attention. It was Sam.

"Hey!" Sebastian said with a smile. "What can I get you?"

"Vodka-Martini..." Sam said in a low voice. "Shaken...not stirred." He raised an eyebrow, paused for a moment, then broke character and grinned. "Actually, can I have a beer? I don't like Martinis at all," he said in his normal voice. "How are you, man? Kurt's been giving us a few updates but it's good to see you back here."

Sebastian chuckled at the impression.  He turned round to pull a bottle of beer from one of the fridges that ran along the back wall under the counter. He placed it in front of Sam.

"I'm...doing better, thanks," he said, sobering a little. "First night back, actually. How are things with you? Still with Georgio?"

A huge grin spread over Sam's face and he blushed a little. "Yeah. We spent all summer together and went to see his family. They live in Florida. Man, they were so awesome. Really relaxed with everything. I mean, Gio wasn't just bringing a guy home, he brought like...Whitey McWhite!" He pointed at himself. "But it was all good."

He took his beer and raised it in a toast. "Next up: _my_ family at Christmas. But I think they'll be cool too. I'm sure my brother and sister will love him, he's great with kids."

He smiled softly at the memory. "He has three brothers and like, _ten_ nieces and nephews, and they all go to Disney once a year on a family trip. Some are the same age as Stevie and Stacey, and when I told them, Gio's brothers immediately invited all of us along! And we've never been, my parents couldn't afford it. Stacey is going to _lose_ it!"

Sebastian smiled. "That sounds awesome, dude! I'm happy for you." He glanced over at Kurt. "I'm not sure what we're doing for Christmas yet."

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach at the thought. Their first holiday season together. Sebastian remembered the stolen conversation between him and Kurt at Thanksgiving the previous year, and texting each other on Christmas Day...Kurt had been miserable with Blaine, and Sebastian had been jealous as hell. He was looking forward to spending both holidays with Kurt this year, though he hoped he'd get to see Marc and Paul too.

"Did I lose you to your thoughts, dude?"

Sebastian shook himself and focused back on Sam, having momentarily forgotten where he was.

"Sorry. You were saying?"

"No worries, all I said was that whatever you do this Christmas, it has has to be better than last year. I'm glad he has you, man. He's so much happier now."

Sebastian smiled at him. "I am too. He makes me happier than I can ever remember being."

Sam smiled. "That's how Gio makes me feel," he said, and raised his beer. "To finding Mr Right!" he toasted.

"I'll drink to that," Marc said, passing by to refill the ice buckets. "Cheers, guys."

Loud cheers and noise came from Kurt's side of the bar, and all three of them immediately looked his way, their eyes alert.

Kurt had poured out several shots from one mixing cup, yet every shot had come out a different colour. A rainbow of shots stood on the bar, much to the amazement of his patrons.

"Is he like, gay Mary Poppins?" Sam mumbled.

Sebastian grinned. "No," he said cheerfully. "Just very talented...we saw that on Facebook ages ago and were trying to work out how to do it before...you know." He gestured at the bar.

"I guess he learnt how to do it." At another time, Sebastian might have been jealous, but right now, he was kind of relieved that he hadn't stopped Kurt from honing his skills just because _he_ hadn't been able to work.

At that moment, Kurt caught his eye and Sebastian beamed proudly at him. "Awesome!" he mouthed at his boyfriend.

Kurt threw him a wink and a kiss and screwed the lid on the cup. He flipped it up in the air and caught it behind his back.

Sam just stared. "I _so_ need to learn that. It's like learning to play the guitar to pick up girls...but for guys."

"Oh, it works on girls too," Marc said sagely. "Especially when Seb does it," he teased. "When a lady does irr into this bar, he draws them like a magnet."

Sebastian grinned. "What can I say? I'm a babe magnet...for all sexes. Too bad for the girls I've never been interested." He patted his pocket, "but they tip well."

Marc and Sam laughed.

"Hi, can I get Margarita, please?" a new patron asked.

Sebastian smiled at Sam who put some money on the bar, held his beer up in a toast and disappeared back into the crowd to make room at the bar.

"Sure," Sebastian said, taking Sam's money and ringing the drink through the till quickly before reaching for a glass.

The rest of the night moved at a steady pace. Sebastian's customers were all genuinely happy that he was back and didn't mind that he couldn't perform as well as normal. He resolved himself to practice more at home and build his strength up again. He also really wanted to learn that rainbow shot thing.

As the last stragglers left and Terry shut the door behind them, Sebastian sagged against the bar, exhausted, but happy.

"You good Seb?" Terry asked, walking across the room with his walkie talkie.

"Yeah, it feels good to be back," Sebastian replied with a smile.

Terry returned his smile and placed his gear in the rack behind the bar. "Need help with that?" he asked nodding at Kurt, who was carrying a large crate and collecting empties.

"I certainly wouldn't mind," Kurt replied, letting out a sigh. The night had been fun, but the cleaning up part of the job was always tedious and heavy work.

Terry walked over and took the crate, holding it out so Kurt could put the empty bottles and glasses inside.

Marc walked up to Sebastian, holding his phone. "Paul was on night shift, he's coming to pick me up," he said, glancing at his screen. "You boys want to come with for a nightcap?"

Sebastian looked at Kurt, who looked as tired as he felt. He had forgotten how exhausting a long shift could be.

"Maybe not tonight..." Sebastian said apologetically, looking at Marc.

"Hey, that's okay," Marc said honestly. "How about lunch on Sunday? Paul's doing lamb."

Sebastian smiled. He _loved_ lamb roast. "That would be great, thanks."

Marc nodded and patted his shoulder. "Good to have you back, kid."

Kurt and Terry finished up just as Joe came out of his office. "You guys ready to lock up?" Joe asked, suppressing a yawn.

"Just about," Marc replied, handing Joe the registry keys.

Kurt came up and brought his and Sebastian's jackets. "Time to go home," he said, smiling softly. It wasn't the first time they'd leave the bar together - but it was the first time they were actually going to their shared home, and not just for a sleep-over at one of their apartments.

Sebastian smiled at Kurt as he slipped his jacket on and then took Kurt's hand. "Home. I love the way that sounds."

He hadn't gotten rid of his own apartment yet; he had way too much stuff to try and cram it all into Kurt's place, but for all intents and purposes, he now lived at Kurt's permanently. They'd discussed it and figured it would be wise to keep both places until the new year when they would then look for a joint place together, something a little bigger, maybe.

"Home is where your heart is," Kurt said, and kissed Sebastian's cheek.

As they stepped outside, they saw Paul parked up in front of the club. He wound his window down as he saw them and Sebastian bent down to talk to him.

"How did it go?" Paul asked. "How's your hand?"

"It was good," Sebastian replied, looking down on his hand briefly. He felt it, but not worse than when he did his strengthening exercises. "Marc invited us back for a night cap but we're just gonna go home...though you'll have to put up with us for Sunday dinner." He grinned at Paul.

"I look forward to that," Paul said. "Goodnight, boys." He held up his hand in greeting to Kurt, who waved back.

"I look forward to Thanksgiving, too," Kurt said as they turned the corner. "I can't wait for my dad and Carole to meet them."

Sebastian smiled and wrapped his arm around Kurt. "Me too, it'll be nice to have everyone together..." He hesitated for a moment. "I know your parents invited us for Christmas...but...do you think they'd invite Marc and Paul as well? If Thanksgiving goes well?"

Kurt rested his head against Sebastian's arm. "I think so. I can talk to Carole about it. She has ways of making my dad think it was his idea."

They stepped into the nearly deserted subway, and Kurt cuddled up to Sebastian some more. This was nice.

Sebastian grinned. "Thanks...I just...after the last few months, I don't want to spend the holidays without them...but I want to be with you, too." He turned his head towards Kurt and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, hugging him closer.

Kurt hummed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to doze a little. He tried to listen to the sounds of the subway cart to be alert for danger, but Sebastian's embrace drew him in.

He opened his eyes as Sebastian gently shook him and whispered their stop had come. Kurt felt a little guilty for really falling asleep, but Sebastian seemed okay, so he let it go.

-

"Do you want to shower first?" Kurt asked as they got home.

Sebastian looked at Kurt and let his eyes casually glide over his body.

Being at the club that night had ended up being cathartic. The reception from everyone had made him feel welcome - and while he still had a lot of things to overcome, he was finally starting to think that he'd make it.

Seeing Kurt being his usual confident and sexy self sparked something inside Sebastian that he'd not felt in a while. Now, the thought of Kurt naked and soapy in the shower made him warm in a way that he had thought he'd lost...and even though the thought still terrified him...he thought he might like to _try ._

"Actually," he said in barely a whisper. "I was thinking maybe we could...shower together?"

"Oh?" Kurt let out, looking up from untying his shoes. There was a look in Sebastian's eyes he hadn't seen in a long time. _"_ _Oh!_ Yes!" He cleared his throat. "Yes, we can do that." He straightened up and had to stop himself from running into the bathroom.

 _He might just want to wash your hair again,_ Kurt told himself sternly, but there was something familiar about Sebastian's expression that gave Kurt a little hope that he might want more. Kurt urged himself to play it cool. He really did _not_ want to mess this up.

He put away his shoes and walked over to Sebastian, smiling a little shyly.

Sebastian let out a shaky breath and nodded at Kurt, offering him his hand.

They walked through the apartment together, Sebastian feeling incredibly nervous - _which really was rather stupid_ _,_ he told himself, as they had showered together a few times since he moved in.

This time, however, was _different_...he could feel the electricity under his skin and it was daunting to say the least.

They slowly undressed themselves in the bathroom, tossing their work clothes in the hamper ready for the laundry tomorrow.

Kurt stepped in first and turned the spray on, shielding it from Sebastian as he climbed in after. As the water warmed up, Kurt stepped back so that Sebastian could slide under too.

For a moment they let the hot water shower over them. Then, to win some time, Sebastian reached for the shampoo. "Wash my hair?" he asked. "Then I'll do yours?"

"Okay," Kurt said, taking the shampoo and squeezing some in his hands. He rubbed his hands together and then reached up and began massaging it into his boyfriend's hair.

Sebastian closed his eyes and focused on the movement of Kurt's fingers through his hair. He sighed happily. It felt nice. It felt _safe._ He knew there was nothing here to be afraid of.

Kurt knew it was pointless to try and hide how the situation was affecting him. Being allowed to be this close to Sebastian again, _naked_ \- coupled with the look in Sebastian's eyes earlier, Kurt felt ready to explode. He decided to be honest.

"You are so hot, Bas, you have no idea," he said, his voice dropping low. He pressed a tentative kiss to Sebastian's shoulder.

Sebastian sighed and pressed back into Kurt's hands, letting his boyfriend guide his head under the spray to rinse out the shampoo.

Once he was clean, Sebastian turned back around to face Kurt. The open look of _want_ in Kurt's eyes made his knees weak. He licked his lips, noticing the way Kurt tracked the movement with his eyes, and slowly leant forward to kiss him.

It was barely a touch, but the electricity that flowed between them felt like a bolt of lighting. Sebastian gasped and pulled back. Kurt looked worried for a moment and opened his mouth to apologise, but Sebastian steadied himself and leaned back in, his hand sliding around the back of Kurt's neck to draw him into another kiss.

Kurt's heart was singing all of Sondheim's songs at once.

He kissed back, bringing his hands up around Sebastian. He rested them on Sebastian's back just below his shoulders.

Sebastian stepped closer, backing Kurt up against the wall and pressing harder into the kiss. He parted his lips a little and moaned as he felt Kurt's tongue dart into his mouth. He could feel himself growing harder and held his hips back away from Kurt's despite Kurt's hands that were sliding down his back trying to guide him closer.

"Kurt," he whispered, reaching behind him to take one of Kurt's hands. He brought it around in front of him and guided Kurt down to his crotch. "T-touch me, please?" he asked quietly.

Kurt opened his eyes in wonder. For a moment, he had assumed Sebastian was taking his hand to make him _stop_ touching...He looked into Sebastian's eyes and nodded, kissing him softly before drawing away a little to look at him. If they did this, for now, he wanted to see Sebastian's face to make sure he didn't miss any cues to stop.

He touched Sebastian lightly, caressing his fingers over his erection, exploring and rediscovering the familiar feel of him. As Sebastian made no move to draw away, Kurt closed his palm around him and tightened his fingers. He moved his hand slowly, encouraging Sebastian to thrust up to set the pace.

Sebastian gasped at the feeling of Kurt's hand around him and wrapped his hand over Kurt's to guide him.

It had been _so_ long. The panic at the thought of anything sexual had extended to even touching himself. Now, with desire overriding fear, it felt like his body decided to catch up all at once- and he wasn't sure how long he'd last. He tipped his forehead into the crook of Kurt's neck and looked down at Kurt's hand moving over him. Kurt circled his thumb over Sebastian's tip. "Oh Kurt," he moaned, pressing a kiss to Kurt's clavicle.

He swallowed and tentatively wrapped his own hand around Kurt. He felt his boyfriend shudder at the contact. "Is this okay?" Sebastian asked, pulling back to look at his boyfriend.

Kurt nodded hurriedly, not wanting Sebastian to stop. It was a lot _more_ than okay. For weeks, Kurt had tried to keep his body's needs private, away from Sebastian, so he wouldn't feel pressured or disappointed with himself. Sharing this intimacy with him was something Kurt had missed a lot.

He could tell Sebastian was close, and he sped up his hand, twisting his wrist the way he remembered Sebastian enjoying. It was getting harder for him to keep his eyes on Sebastian as they seemed to want to close of their own accord to enjoy Sebastian's touch, but Kurt bit his lip and held on. He was glad he did; the expression on Sebastian's face was better than any fantasy.

Sebastian gasped and shuddered as he was pulled closer to release, "Oh Kurt-" he gasped as he finally let go, his hand going slack as his head rolled back against the wall. Kurt held him through it, moving his hand until Sebastian's orgasm was over.

Sebastian leant forward and kissed Kurt slowly, coming down from his high.

He moved to take Kurt back in his hand and started pumping his fist in earnest, keen to make Kurt feel good too. He teased the thin vein under the head of Kurt's cock and _felt_ rather than heard the moan that it pulled from his boyfriend.

He bent down to pepper Kurt's neck with kisses and sucked over the scar on his neck, flicking his tongue out to run along the groove.

 _That_ was something Kurt had not been able to give himself when he sought out his pleasure alone, and it tipped him over the edge. He came, arching up against Sebastian. Water from the shower rained down in his upturned face, hitting his lips and tongue, and he laughed breathlessly. It felt like the last few months just washed off of them.

Sebastian grinned into Kurt's neck and worked Kurt through his orgasm, pressing one more kiss to his neck and then moving up to capture his lips.

"Thank you," he whispered into the kiss.

"Thank _you_ _,"_ Kurt replied in between kisses, "for trusting me this far." He ran his hands into Sebastian's hair, and suddenly remembered something.

"You know what would make this even more perfect?" he asked with a mischievous smile. "If you wash _my_ hair too. You did promise..."

Sebastian grinned and kissed him again, reaching for Kurt's shampoo. "Turn around," he said gently.

As Kurt did so, Sebastian squirted some of the pale green liquid into his hand and lathered it up a little before running his hands through Kurt's hair. He began massaging Kurt's scalp, making sure to get every spot, and pulled his hands up the strands of thick chestnut hair to cover it.

"It has never been that I don't trust you," he said after a while. He had realised that after a few therapy sessions. "It was more...every time I tried to think about sex, all I felt was repulsed and dirty...and I never wanted to associate those feelings with you..." He swallowed, hoping that it made sense.

"I love you and everything that we have shared together," he continued.  "I have _particularly_ fond memories of that weekend in Ohio..." He grinned. "And I didn't want to taint those memories or associate any of my feelings of being contaminated with you or _us."_

Kurt reached behind him to squeeze Sebastian's thigh to show he understood, even if he didn't know what to say. Insights from his therapy sessions sometimes came unexpectedly, and Kurt wasn't always ready to have a clever answer. He thought about it as Sebastian rinsed the shampoo from his hair.

"But was this...just us?" he asked carefully.

Sebastian dropped his hands to Kurt's waist and kissed his shoulder. "Yes, this was all us, baby...no ghosts present."

He wrapped his arms around Kurt and hugged him close. They stood like that for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Sebastian asked softly. Kurt felt tense and was breathing shallowly.

Kurt shrugged, mulling it over in his mind some more. Then he took a deep breath.

"It's just...when you mentioned Ohio…" he started. "I've been thinking about that a lot too lately."

"Oh?" Sebastian said quietly, trying to hold on to his smile. He wasn't sure what to prepare himself for. Did Kurt expect him to be able to have sex soon now?

"I can't stop thinking about the _way_ we did it...what I did to you," Kurt admitted quietly. "I would _never_ have done all that if I had known-" Kurt shook his head. "It was so _rough_ _._ That's not the kind of love you deserve, and I feel I manipulated you into it somehow, like I hardly gave you a choice and it's _so_ wrong- and I feel absolutely awful for-" He broke off.

"For what?" Sebastian prompted hoarsely.

"For _enjoying_ it," Kurt whispered. "I don't want to be like those guys." A tear slipped down his face, nearly invisible between the water drops that dripped from his hair.

Sebastian felt his heart clench painfully. "Kurt," he said quietly. "Turn around."

Kurt did so and Sebastian looked down into his tear-filled eyes, wanting to make sure Kurt heard him.

"I enjoyed it too," he said honestly. "I don't know if that makes me a masochist or a sub or whatever...but it's the truth. We... _I_ didn't know then what I know now. I had _no_ memory of what had happened. I can't say how I'd have felt if I had known...and I don't know if it's something I'll be able to do again. But in that moment, I _loved_ it."

"But…"

"What we did is _nothing_ like what they did." Sebastian swallowed. "They drugged and forced themselves on me, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. But with you, I _wanted_ it. God, Kurt, I _begged_ you for it...and the entire time, I knew that if I'd said stop, you'd have stopped. I have never, _ever_ felt unsafe with you."

Kurt bit his lips, nodding. He was hunched into himself, trying to repress his sobs. The thoughts in his head had worn him down more than he had even realised himself. Now it was finally out, and Sebastian's words felt like absolution.

"They have taken enough from me," Sebastian said quietly. "I refuse to let them take that, too. Alright?"

"Yes," Kurt agreed, smiling through his tears. "Alright."

Sebastian kissed Kurt again slowly, cupping his boyfriend's face in his hands.

"I love you," he breathed against Kurt's lips.

"I love you too," Kurt whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ‘rainbow shot' cocktail Kurt makes is shown and explained in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoVZoCmkdjY


	31. Thanksgiving Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian are spending the holiday with both sets of parents and bring Burt and Carole up to date with what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back :) Thank you so much for the messages of support over the last few weeks. We really appreciate you all! You’re amazing <3

Sebastian let himself into Marc and Paul's apartment, weary after a day full of classes and glad that he now had two days off - his Friday morning class had been cancelled in account of his professor stating that he'd be "too full of food and wine" to be able to teach them anything worthwhile, and encouraged them to "make the most of it and enjoy the holiday". Sebastian didn't need to be told twice. ****  
** **

Kurt was meeting him there. Burt and Carole were flying in the next morning to celebrate the holiday and, as they had more space, Marc and Paul had invited them all to stay at their apartment. ****  
** **

Sebastian was really looking forward to it. There was something about the place that just felt like coming home. He was greeted by the excited pouncing of Poppy and Lola and he bent down to give them both big hugs. ****  
** **

"Hello ladies," he whispered with a grin, letting them lick his face. "I've missed you." ****  
** **

"We've had them on a diet since you boys moved out," Marc said, walking up to him with a towel over his shoulders. He was rubbing his hair dry with one hand. "So you can spoil them this weekend without the wrath of Paul." ****  
** **

Poppy and Lola barked excitedly. ****  
** **

Marc gave the three of them a fond look. "Speaking of...Paul has just taken your car in for a check up," he said. "I'm not sure why, but he insisted that it was needed after it's been stationary for so long." ****  
** **

He waggled his eyebrows. "I think he just wanted an excuse to drive your sexy ride." ****  
** **

Sebastian felt the clutches of a smirk creep over his face. _Pretty sure_ your _ride is the only one he wants to drive..._ was what he would have said to that once upon a time, but jokes like that didn't feel right on his tongue anymore, and not just because Marc and Paul felt like parents now. He stood up and gave the dogs another scratch behind the ears before walking towards Marc. ****  
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"I'm sorry I've not used the car much..." he said quietly. Apart from their trip to Ohio at the beginning of the summer, he'd hardly touched his birthday present, even before he was injured. ****  
** **

Marc shrugged. "That's okay, Seb. That's the risk we took when we got you a gift you didn't ask for...But at least now you _know_ how to drive so you can if you want to." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "Thank you." ****  
** **

Marc shrugged a little and looked down at his shirt. It had a faded band logo on it. "Did Kurt say anything to you about dress code for tomorrow? I don't want to embarrass myself in front of his parents…" ****  
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Sebastian smiled at him. "Don't worry, his dad favours jeans and t-shits...or flannel. You'll be fine." ****  
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Marc relaxed and nodded. "Alright then. Paul won't be long. How do you feel about take-out for dinner? There'll be enough action in the kitchen tomorrow." ****  
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"Sounds good," Sebastian replied. "Kurt should be here soon too. He texted to say he was leaving school about twenty minutes ago. Let's avoid that Chinese place across the street though...that was awful last time." ****  
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"Really?" Marc asked, "I get stuff there all the time when I'm on my way home from work. Can't beat 4am chow mein!" ****  
** **

He chuckled at the disgusted look on Sebastian's face. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't need to say it. Paul's _always_ lecturing me that my smoking has killed my taste buds...You boys pick the food. I don't mind." ****  
** **

A key turned into the lock. The dogs started barking and wagging their tails. ****  
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"Stay calm, girls," Marc warned them. "You know daddy doesn't like it when you bowl him over when he walks through the door." ****  
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The dogs both whined and danced on the spot impatiently as Paul opened the door. ****  
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"Good evening ladies and gentlemen," Paul said greeting them with a smile. "Look who I found downstairs." ****  
** **

He stepped aside to reveal Kurt and the dogs both jumped on him, Poppy barking happily. ****  
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"Heyyyy," Kurt greeted them happily, bending down to pat their sides with a gloved hand. He looked up from the dogs into Sebastian's eyes and smiled. It felt as much like coming home as it did going back to Ohio. ****  
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"Finally, a few days off," Kurt said with a sigh as he straightened up and stepped inside, the dogs still darting around his and Paul's legs. He turned up his face to Sebastian for a kiss. "I'm so beat." ****  
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Sebastian smiled and kissed him. "Well, we have _all_ weekend to relax." ****  
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"That you do," Marc said helping Paul out of his coat and receiving a kiss of thanks. "Get yourselves settled and then we can order in." ****  
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"Not-" Paul started. ****  
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"Yes yes, I _know_. Not Chinese," Marc said rolling his eyes and winking at Sebastian. ****  
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"Oh yeah, that was awful last time," Kurt agreed, pulling off his gloves. It was getting colder - and Kurt didn't get fabulous autumn gloves for nothing. They would be useless once it got _really_ cold, so he had to seize any opportunity to wear them now. ****  
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Marc just shook his head and hung up their coats in the hallway closet. ****  
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- ****  
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Kurt walked into the living room a little while later, freshly changed into his slacks, and dropped into the seat next to Sebastian. Sebastian slid his arm around his boyfriend and Kurt tilted his head to rest against his shoulder, curling his legs up onto the couch so he could snuggle in. "Sometimes I think Cassie is intent on killing me just so she can frighten more freshmen," he let out with a sigh. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and bent to nuzzle Kurt's hair. "She just wants to help you be the best you can be, babe - at least she's cancelled your extra session tomorrow...right?" ****  
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Kurt closed his eyes. "Only because NYADA is literally _closed_ ," he mumbled. "I think it was the prospect of her having a Thanksgiving dinner with her family that made her take out her wrath on me today." ****  
** **

There was no real venom in his words. My July had switched her schedule, accommodating his work at Vogue so he wouldn't have to miss his Thursday training with her. He would defend her and her class to anyone who'd claim it was too hard or unfair, and Sebastian, Marc and Paul all knew that by now. Still, it felt good to complain a little and be commiserated by his boyfriend. ****  
** **

"Ah, to be young again, and only feel your body hurt after a good work-out," Marc said playfully, "and not every day when you get out of bed…" ****  
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"You know they have a cure for that, don't you?" Paul said. "I'm sure I've told you many times. It's called _regular exercise_." ****  
** **

Marc rolled his eyes and smirked at his husband. "I _exercise_." ****  
** **

"Honey, walking to the fridge and back does _not_ constitute exercise." ****  
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Marc threw a cushion at him. ****  
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Sebastian and Kurt laughed at the exchange, causing Marc to throw a cushion at them too. They laughed harder. ****  
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The buzzer rang and the dogs barked. ****  
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"I hate you all!" Marc said, grinning at them as he got up to greet the delivery man. In the end, after spending ten minutes arguing over which place to order from, they had agreed on ordering Thai food. ****  
** **

Paul, Sebastian and Kurt shared amused smiles as they heard Marc continue to curse them down the hall and they rose from their seats to head towards the dining room. Marc had already set the table for four. ****  
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"I am eating all of this by myself," Marc said when he came in, carrying the food, "because you don't deserve it." He snorted and put the food down on the table. "Who wants a beer?" ****  
** **

Paul held up his hand. ****  
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"Then just walk to the fridge, dear. It's hardly exercise," Marc added sweetly, looking very pleased with himself. ****  
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Kurt looked at Sebastian across the table and they just grinned at each other. It was good to be home. ****  
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Paul huffed a laugh and shook his head, standing up. "You're absolutely right, Marc. Kurt, Sebastian can I get you anything?" ****  
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"Just a Coke please," Sebastian said, still grinning. ****  
** **

"Certainly. Kurt?" ****  
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"I'll take a beer," Kurt said. "It's the holidays, right?" He smiled. ****  
** **

Paul walked pointedly to the fridge without speaking to his husband. ****  
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Marc chuckled and sat down, shaking his head. ****  
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Paul returned with their drinks - including a beer for Marc, served with a kiss - and they divided up the food, handing each other the boxes over the kitchen table. ****  
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"So I was thinking of starting on the turkey early tomorrow," Paul said conversationally, "in case Burt wants to watch the game in the afternoon. You said he liked that, right Kurt?" ****  
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"He does," Kurt confirmed, feeling a mixture of emotions. His dad used to watch football with Finn, and later, with Blaine. Neither Kurt or Sebastian could offer him that - but he was sure his dad would like to watch it with Paul. He supposed his dad had as little to say about medicine as Paul had about mechanics, but this would give them something to talk about. ****  
** **

Marc, not sure how to interpret the expression on Kurt's face, added: "And we'll mix up some Margaritas for us and Carole so we don't get bored." He winked at Kurt. ****  
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Sebastian looked at Kurt and stretched his leg out across the the space between them to rub his foot against Kurt's gently. ****  
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"Sounds like a good idea," he offered. "We can all make her one and get her to judge us?" He grinned. ****  
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"Ohh, then get ready for defeat, because _my_ husband makes the best margaritas in town," Paul said, his eyes glittering. ****  
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Marc rolled his eyes, looking a little embarrassed but pleased at the same time. ****  
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"Just thinking about them - hmm, it makes my mouth water," Paul continued. "With the salt on the rim...the rim is the _best_." ****  
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Kurt smirked and snorted. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a warning look and a point of the finger from Marc. ****  
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"Don't even think about it," he said as sternly as he could, the trace of a smirk tilting the corners of his mouth. ****  
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"I wasn't gonna say anything," Kurt said innocently. ****  
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Paul frowned. "What? What is going on, did I- uh...say something again? Marc?" ****  
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Marc briefly closed his eyes. "I'll explain later," he promised. ****  
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The rest of their meal passed amid friendly banter, good-natured jokes and talks about the plans for the weekend. Kurt was keen to hit the Black Friday sales and knew that Carole would too. This was met by groans from Sebastian and Marc, though when Kurt kicked his boyfriend under the table it was returned with a wink. ****  
** **

Kurt smirked and shook his head. ****  
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As dinner started to wind down, Sebastian began sneaking scraps to the dogs under the table. Paul half-heartedly tried to stop him. . Kurt stretched out his arms and rolled his shoulders. ****  
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"We got the guest room all ready for you both," Paul said. ****  
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"When he says 'we', he means me," Marc added fondly. ****  
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"Hey, I was out saving lives-" Paul protested. ****  
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Marc rolled his eyes and smiled softly at his husband. ****  
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"You’re both out saving lives," Kurt said. "The kindness and generosity you have shown us over the last few months is just…" He paused and reached out to take Sebastian's hand across the table. "You've opened your hearts and your home to us, you've helped look after Bas...and now you've invited my parents to spend the holiday too. I'm very thankful for you both." ****  
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Marc reached out a hand and placed it on Kurt's shoulder. ****  
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Sebastian smiled and squeezed Kurt's hand. "I'm thankful too. I know I keep saying it but really...I don't know what I'd have done without you."" ****  
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Marc and Paul looked at both of them for a moment before Paul reach up to cup the back of Sebastian's head. "You _are_ family, boys. We care about you," he said. "And were so happy you're spending the holiday with us." ****  
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"And we can't wait to meet your parents, Kurt," Marc added, squeezing Kurt's shoulder. ****  
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"They're both looking forward to it too," Kurt said smiling at them. ****  
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"Um..." Sebastian said quietly, the realisation of Kurt’s parents coming to stay causing a little wave of panic. He dropped Kurt's hand and shuffled away from Paul's touch. "About your parents...I...what have you told them? You know...about me?" He swallowed nervously. ****  
** **

Kurt paused, a little taken aback. "Not...much," he replied. "I mean, I called them from the hospital, but I didn't really know what to say apart from that you were hurt. You were still unconscious and I couldn't ask you what you'd want them to know, so...I said you were in a bar fight." He winced a little. It sounded so crude and unlike Sebastian, but it had been a spur of the moment lie. ****  
** **

"I didn't tell them anything else, later," he finished lamely. ****  
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Sebastian bit the inside of his lip and nodded. "It's okay," he said honestly. "Thank you, but...I think they should be told now...you know, just in case." ****  
** **

He'd been doing well recently; his therapy sessions with Jamie were helping and he'd been speaking a lot more in the weekly group, but he still had moments of doubt and days that were bad. The last thing he wanted was for a bad day to occur when Burt and Carole were around without them knowing what was wrong. ****  
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"It's entirely up to you, Sebastian," Marc said quietly. ****  
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Sebastian nodded. "I'd like them to know, but...I don't think I can tell the story again myself...not yet." ****  
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Paul exchanged looks with Marc. "We can help you with that," he said. ****  
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"I can tell them on the way from the airport," Kurt offered. He felt like it would be best coming from him, seeing as he told them the first version of the story too. ****  
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Sebastian relaxed a little and nodded. "Thanks. I know _I_ should do it..." ****  
** **

"You don't have to explain, Seb," Marc said quietly. ****  
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Kurt pressed his lips together into a thin smile. "I'm kind of proud that you trust my parents enough to share this with them. I mean, I know my dad's not the easiest person...but he'll _not_ hold it against you, I promise." ****  
** **

"It's unfair for them to be the only ones that don't know," Sebastian said. "And this way, they're prepared, in case I have a...moment." ****  
** **

"Don't worry Seb, it'll be okay," Marc said. ****  
** **

"I know." Sebastian smiled at them all and snuck Lola a piece of duck. ****  
** **

"And that is enough treats for the dogs," Paul said as he stood up and started to clear the table. "God knows they'll get enough this weekend." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and ruffled Lola's ears. "Sorry my girl, dad says no." Lola whined and rested her head on his knee. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Kurt felt his heart pound as he stood at the arrival gate the next morning. While he prepared what to say, he realised it had been for his _own_ comfort as well as Sebastian's privacy that he hadn't told them yet. Explaining it to his parents had a finality to it. He knew this was the reason Sebastian had trouble telling his story too, but it was a different thing _feeling_ it himself. Another reason that Kurt telling his parents was a good thing. ****  
** **

He spotted his dad and Carole, and for a moment forgot the talk. His dad was beaming at him, and Carole was wearing the scarf he had sent her for her birthday and it looked fabulous on her, just as he knew it would. He waved at them and they made their way to him. ****  
** **

"Dad!" ****  
** **

Kurt was swept up in a bear hug and put his arms around his father, hugging him back. As soon as he was in his father's arms, the temporary halt on his worries ended and they crashed into him like a tsunami. Months of stress and worry caught up with him and threatened to drown him. He sucked in a gasp of air and clung to his dad tightly. ****  
** **

Burt felt the change and moved instinctively to hold up his son. ****  
** **

"Woah kid," he said softly, sharing a worried look with Carole. "What's wrong? Surely you didn't miss your old man that much?" ****  
** **

His feeble attempt at a joke caused a choked sob to escape Kurt's chest and he pulled away, wiping his eyes. ****  
** **

"Sorry," Kurt said quietly. "I'm okay." He kissed Carole's cheek and complimented her on her scarf. ****  
** **

"Kurt," she said, not fooled by his attempts to deflect. "What is it?" ****  
** **

Kurt looked around the crowded arrivals lounge. "Not here," he whispered. "Wait till we get to the car." ****  
** **

Burt and Carole shared another worried look but followed their son out towards the parking garage.

-

"This really is a damn fine car," Burt offered, giving Kurt a bit more time to compose himself. "Is Sebastian better at driving it yet?" ****  
** **

Kurt took in a deep breath. "No, not really. He hasn't driven it much since summer-" ****  
** **

"He broke his hand, remember?" Carole supplied, though she was starting to guess that maybe they hadn't been given the full story. ****  
** **

"Oh, right," Burt mumbled, his eyes still on the car. He put his hands reverently on the dashboard. ****  
** **

"Actually, about that...that’s the thing I need to talk to you about," Kurt said, knowing he wouldn't be able to focus on driving before he got this over with. ****  
** **

Burt lowered his hands and took off his cap. Carole reached forward and placed her hand on her husbands arm, both offering and seeking comfort. ****  
** **

"When I called you from the hospital, I said there'd been a fight...there had been...but, I wasn't entirely honest." ****  
** **

They both stared at Kurt in complete horror as Kurt told Sebastian's story; all of it, starting with Satire and ending with his discovery about Scandals. ****  
** **

Carole was crying silently and Burt felt all warmth leave his body. ****  
** **

"And he had _no_ idea?" Carole whispered. ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "Not until the incident at Satire. The head trauma plus the similarities between both attacks was enough to reboot his memory, or something. Paul can explain it better than me." ****  
** **

"Oh god, the poor dear..." Carole said, shaking her head. ****  
** **

"I thought you said the bar was _safe,_ " Burt said stone-faced. ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed. "I did. The alarm worked; security was there within minutes, and they got everyone out safely-" He knew how hollow his own words sounded. "Trust me, both the bouncers and the club owner feel awful. But I don't think anyone could have anticipated what happened." ****  
** **

Burt rubbed his hand over his face and nodded, still unable to comprehend what Kurt had just told him. ****  
** **

"How is he doing?" Carole asked. ****  
** **

Kurt pulled up the corner of his mouth. "Okay. Some days are harder than others, but he's back at school, and he just started working again-" ****  
** **

"At the _bar_?" Burt interrupted him. ****  
** **

"Well, yeah. It's his job," Kurt replied. "It wasn't easy for him to go back there, but...he has been training as a bartender for almost two years. Giving that up now would just let them win." ****  
** **

"That's very brave," Carole said quietly. "I don't know if I could go back somewhere after something like that…" ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "Satire was the catalyst, but not the cause of his trauma. And he has us. He stays behind the bar for now and we all look after him." ****  
** **

Carole smiled a watery smile. "I'm glad he has you." ****  
** **

Kurt clenched his jaw and nodded, trying not to fall back into the dark pit of blaming himself. ****  
** **

"Marc and Paul have been great too, though," he said, hoping to steer the attention away from him. "Paul personally took his case at the hospital despite being on a different service, and afterwards they let him stay at their place - and me too! - and I'm pretty sure they're paying for _everything,_ including Sebastian's therapy." ****  
** **

Burt frowned. "The bar should have insurance for that," he mumbled. ****  
** **

"And when have insurances ever paid for more than a band-aid?" Carole protested. "If you want _good_ help you need to go private." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. It made him a little uncomfortable, and he suspected Sebastian felt the same way. Still, he also wanted him to get the best help that money and connections could afford. ****  
** **

"So...that's our status quo," he concluded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." ****  
** **

Carole leaned forward and squeezed his arm - she wanted desperately to hug him but it was rather a difficult from the back of a sports car. She wondered if Kurt had chosen this place to tell them on purpose. He was at the wheel. "I wish you would have, so that we could have been there for you both...but I understand why you didn't and I'm glad you weren't alone." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled softly at them. "Sebastian wanted you to know now, in case he has...a bad day when you are here. He's been doing well, though." ****  
** **

"What can we do to help?" Carole asked, looking determined. Kurt loved her for it. ****  
** **

"For one, don't treat him any differently than you would normally. His concussion and his hand are healed, and he doesn't like to be treated as if he were made of glass-" Kurt started, and saw his father nod thoughtfully. He figured Burt would understand. He remembered how annoyed it made his father when he got too fussy around him after his heart attack. ****  
** **

"And another thing; don't touch him unless he initiates it, or ask him first." ****  
** **

Burt frowned. "What do you mean, _touch_? Like a handshake? I can't shake his hand?" ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged awkwardly. "You probably can, if he knows what's coming. I don't know, maybe I'm being too careful. But I'm just telling you what he told _me_ . Sometimes a hug or a pat on the shoulder makes him flinch like he's been hit." He sighed. "And sometimes it's fine. And not even _he_ is able to tell you which it'll be until it happens, so..." ****  
** **

"So we will just be careful," Carole supplied. "We can do that." ****  
** **

"Thanks," Kurt offered apologetically. "I know it's difficult…" ****  
** **

Carole shook her head. "It must be so difficult for _you_ …" She hesitated. "How is it between the two of you? Can _you_ touch him?" ****  
** **

Burt frowned again. ****  
** **

"Sometimes," Kurt admitted. "In the beginning, after he had just found out, he kept having these nightmares, and if I tried to touch him then, they only got worse. Asleep, his mind couldn't differentiate-" ****  
** **

Kurt broke off and shook his head, not wanting to think about how he had almost left to spare Sebastian that.  "But now...we're getting there. It's easier if he's awake, and it's been getting better during the night too. With therapy he's gotten exercises to help himself calm down and - it helped. We're trying." ****  
** **

Carole let out a deep breath. "I'm so proud of you, Kurt," she whispered. "And we're here and we'll do everything we can to help." ****  
** **

"She's right, kid," Burt said gruffly, looking at his son and wondering when he'd suddenly become such an _adult_. "You did the right thing, sticking by him." ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "He'd do the same for me." He took out his phone. "I'm just letting them know we're on our way." ****  
** **

When he was done, his father was looking pensively at the dashboard again. ****  
** **

"Dad...do _you_ want to drive it?" Kurt asked with a small smile. ****  
** **

"Can I?" Burt asked, his eyes lighting up. ****  
** **

"I'm sure Sebastian won't mind," Kurt said, tossing the keys to his dad and climbing out of the car to switch seats. ****  
** **

They travelled through the city back towards Marc and Paul's apartment with Kurt playing navigator and tour guide. Carole had never been to New York before, so Kurt pointed things out as they passed. ****  
** **

Soon enough they pulled into the underground parking garage of the apartment block. ****  
** **

"They're lucky to get private underground parking," Burt commented as they got out of the car. He spotted the large Mercedes to the right of Sebastian's parking spot and a Triumph Thunderbird to the left, "but then I guess you get what you pay for." ****  
** **

He knew from listening to Kurt that Marc and Paul were well off, but seeing it for himself was something else. He suddenly felt nervous and underdressed. ****  
** **

Carole saw him fiddle with the collar of his shirt, and gently took his hand. "Remember you're are a United States Congressman," she whispered. ****  
** **

"And a great dad - so you already have something in common with them," Kurt said, holding Sebastian's keycard in front of the lock to let them in the building. ****  
** **

Burt was only slightly consoled by their words, especially as he took in the grandeur of the place. And it was only the lobby! ****  
** **

"I should have worn my other shoes," he mumbled. Or polished them, at least. He knew Kurt cared a lot about shoes, so Marc and Paul probably did too. ****  
** **

"Don't worry, dad," Kurt said. "I have it on good authority that Marc wasn't sure what to wear either." He grinned. "Not Paul though. He _always_ knows what to wear." ****  
** **

Burt frowned and mentally adjusted his mental image of the two men. So _Paul_ was more like Kurt? Maybe Marc was more like Sebastian then. ****  
** **

They stepped out of the elevator on the penthouse floor and were greeted by two people that Burt assumed could only be Marc and Paul. ****  
** **

The taller of the two was wearing white jeans, a black sweater and a patterned shirt with the collar popped over the top of the sweater. His sleeves were rolled up, and Burt could see he was wearing a lot jewelry; rings, a big watch and a bracelet. Paul, he assumed. ****  
** **

"Welcome!" the man said as they walked towards him. "I'm Paul." He shook Burt's hand and kissed Carole's. "This is Marc," he introduced his husband. ****  
** **

Marc stepped forwards and shook their hands too, kissing Carole on the cheek. He was wearing jeans and a button-down shirt. It matched Paul's, and Burt wondered who had picked it, he or his husband. Marc only wore a wedding ring. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled as the adults in his life made their introductions. He glanced around them towards the apartment. Sebastian was standing in the doorway. ****  
** **

Kurt could feel his heart flutter a little, as it always did when he saw his boyfriend. He walked up to him. "Here we are," he said unnecessarily. "I let my dad drive your car. He's _very_ impressed." ****  
** **

"Oh man, it drives like a dream!" Burt said enthusiastically. ****  
** **

"It certainly does," Sebastian said, grinning at him. He extended his hand to Burt. "Hi," he said softly. ****  
** **

"Good to see you kid," Burt said shaking the offered hand. ****  
** **

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Sebastian said, releasing Burt's hand to greet Carole with a hug. ****  
** **

Carole hugged him back, briefly closing her eyes to block the horrible things Kurt had told them from resurfacing in her mind. She was determined to make sure Kurt and Sebastian had a good Thanksgiving. They definitely deserved it. ****  
** **

"Happy Thanksgiving, Sebastian," she said softly, letting him go immediately as he started to pull back. ****  
** **

"Let's step inside," Paul suggested. "Marc made us all welcome drinks, they're really great. I tell you, being married to a bartender is the gift that keeps on giving. You should see what he can do with a few simple limes-" ****  
** **

Kurt smirked at Sebastian. Paul was nervous too, so he had switched on his host mode. Carole was following him, nodding interestedly. Burt was walking along with Marc. Both looked silently amused. ****  
** **

"Oh, I see you found the Escher prints." Paul said as Carole pointed at a large canvas on the wall. "I think Escher just amazing, see my shirt has a few of those magical cubes as well, it's all an optical illusion-" ****  
** **

"I think they get along," Kurt said silently, offering Sebastian his hand. ****  
** **

Sebastian took it and squeezed softly. "How was the drive over? Did you tell them?" ****  
** **

"I did," Kurt said. "It went okay." He wanted to say more, but then noticed the others were waiting for them with the drinks Marc had made. They walked over and each took a glass. ****  
** **

"Oh, Mimosas," Kurt said happily. ****  
** **

"It's just a simple drink," Marc said humbly, though they were served with artfully swirled orange peels. ****  
** **

"They look beautiful," Carole offered. ****  
** **

Burt looked like he was trying hard to repress his urge to ask for a beer. ****  
** **

"It's vitamin C, dad," Kurt whispered. "You'll like it." ****  
** **

"And if you don't like it, Burt," Marc said smiling at him, "I did stock the fridge with beer." ****  
** **

Burt relaxed a little and held up his glass. ****  
** **

"To guests, family and friends," Paul said vibrantly. "Welcome, and Happy Thanksgiving." ****  
** **

The others echoed Paul's words and sipped their drink. It was perfect - Kurt would prefer it over a beer any time, and he knew Sebastian did too. His dad looked satisfied. ****  
** **

Carole was busy looking around, not hiding her curiosity. ****  
** **

"Would you like to see the view from the balcony?" Paul suggested. "It's Sebastian's favourite spot." ****  
** **

"That sounds lovely," Carole said. ****  
** **

"I can show you?" Sebastian offered. "It really is breathtaking." ****  
** **

Carole beamed at him and followed Sebastian out of the kitchen towards the terrace. ****  
** **

"It really is a lovely apartment," she said looking around. "And Marc and Paul are wonderful." ****  
** **

"Yeah," Sebastian said. "They really are. I felt at home here the second I walked through that door...but that's more about them than their hospitality and a nice place…" ****  
** **

"Yes, I can see that," Carole said. She halted in her step for a moment as they reached the terrace. The weak autumn sun cast a bluish haze over the city. ****  
** **

"Wow," she whispered, stepping out. "This is amazing...and so _quiet_." Down below, they could see millions of cars moving along the streets like ants, yet this high up the noise pollution missed them completely. She turned to smile at him. "I thought this was the city that never sleeps." ****  
** **

"It is quiet," Sebastian agreed, looking out over the city. "You get used to it up here after a while...it was difficult to adjust to the noise when I moved back to the ground." ****  
** **

In truth he hadn't really adjusted; he'd moved in with Kurt, who helped keep the demons at bay. ****  
** **

He felt something brush his leg and looked down to see Lola looking up at him. Marc or Paul must have let them out of their bedroom. ****  
** **

"Oh, what a beautiful dog," Carole said. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and scratched Lola's ear. "This is Lola. Lola, this is Carole." ****  
** **

"Hello Lola," Carole said, letting her sniff her hand. "You're a very good girl, aren't you?" She smiled. For a moment, the both of them just petted Lola and played with her a little. Then, Carole decided to carefully broach the subject. ****  
** **

"Kurt told us why you moved in here this summer," she started, rising back to her feet. ****  
** **

Sebastian paused for a second before looking up at Carole. He busied himself stroking Lola's fur. ****  
** **

"Yeah, I asked him to…" ****  
** **

"We don't have to talk about it," Carole offered quickly. "I just wanted to say, I know you have Kurt, and Marc and Paul, but you should know you have us, as a family, too. Even Burt. I mean, I know you didn‘t start out on the best of terms, but he‘s a good man. And we still stand by you with whatever you need." ****  
** **

Sebastian's hand paused, and he smiled at her softly. "Thank you," he said quietly. "That means a lot." ****  
** **

Carole nodded. "It sounds like Kurt's got it covered quite well, though." ****  
** **

Sebastian gave Lola one last pat and rose to his feet. ****  
** **

"Yeah. He's been great. Sticking by me through all of this…I haven't made it easy for him," Sebastian said, stepping up to the balcony to look out over the city. ****  
** **

Carole looked at Sebastian's profile and smiled sadly. "Hummel men are stubborn. You wouldn‘t believe the things Burt has had to deal with over the past few years. And there are still days where I just shout at him for things that are not his fault. Like having a living son." She shook her head a little. "But he never held it against me. He stuck by me, too. Love is like that. And we go on." ****  
** **

"I honestly don't know what I'd have done without him," Sebastian said softly. "He's been so patient and caring. I sometimes think I don't deserve him...or..." he paused. "That I'm not good enough for him. I mean I probably never was, but _now_ …" ****  
** **

"You should let Kurt be the judge of that," Carole said kindly. "If I have learned anything about him from Burt's stories, he has always been a boy who was sure of what he wanted." Her eyes glittered a little. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at her a little sadly. "I know…" He grimaced. "He keeps telling me that he's happy and that he wants to be with me...but sometimes the voices in my head are louder than his words." He paused. "I'm working on keeping them at bay, though." ****  
** **

"Kurt told us you're seeing a therapist," Carole said. "I think that is very brave of you." ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged. He didn't _feel_ brave. For a moment, they didn't say anything. Then he sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring the mood down...it's Thanksgiving and...it's really great to see you both." ****  
** **

"Well, it was me who brought it up," Carole offered, watching as Lola, who had clearly noticed something was going on with Sebastian, placed herself between them, nudging Sebastian's side with her head. ****  
** **

Carole wished there was something she could say to take his insecurities away. Even after only a few minutes, she could tell how different he was from the self-assured, almost cocky boy she had met in the early summer. ****  
** **

"And we're glad to be here, and to finally meet your 'New York dads'," she added, hoping to distract him. "By the way, Kurt told me it might be a nice idea to invite Marc and Paul to us for Christmas. What do you think? I'm just worried it'd be too short notice for them, and our place...well, it's definitely not like this!" ****  
** **

Sebastian felt a grin spread over his face and a warmth blossom in his chest. "That'd be amazing, thank you! I'm sure they'd love to! And your place is beautiful, Carole. I'm still telling everyone about the garden." ****  
** **

Carole beamed at him. "Good. I'm making Finn’s favourite meal on Christmas Eve and we’re having Kurt's favourite meat for Christmas dinner. You'll have to let me know what your favourites are so I can work it into the plans." ****  
** **

"You really don't have to do that, Carole," Sebastian said, feeling his cheeks heat up. ****  
** **

"Well, I want to," Carole said, smiling. "I have enough motherly love to spread to three sons, you know." ****  
** **

Sebastian blushed a little deeper and smiled at her. "I um...really like beef bourguignon." ****  
** **

Carole smiled and nodded, already planning on asking Kurt for a recipe. "Perfect," she said. "I'll add it to the menu." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at her, a little amazed. ****  
** **

Marc stepped out onto the terrace. "Don't mind me," he said with a smile. "I just came to get Lola. Paul told me to take them out for a walk while he starts on the turkey so we don't have to go later." He grinned. "I think it's mostly an excuse to get me out of the kitchen while he's working, but I like to pretend I don't know." ****  
** **

Lola jumped up at Sebastian and barked, having heard the word 'walk'. She wagged her tail. ****  
** **

Marc chuckled. "I think she wants you to come." ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed lightly and scratched her head. "Shall we go for a walk?" He asked her in a silly voice. ****  
** **

Lola barked. ****  
** **

"Go find Poppy then," Sebastian instructed. ****  
** **

Lola made a low rumble and jumped back down, bounding passed Marc into the apartment. ****  
** **

Mar shook his head. "I swear sometimes I think they speak human." ****  
** **

Carole chuckled. ****  
** **

"Do you want to come with us?" Sebastian asked her. ****  
** **

"Oh no, thank you honey," she said sweetly. "I think I'll go find my other boys." ****  
** **

"Yeah, let Kurt catch up with his folks," Marc suggested. "We have enough time over the weekend with all of us together." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. ****  
** **

Inside, Poppy and Lola were standing by the door. Poppy had her leash in her mouth. ****  
** **

Marc gave them a fond look. "They're happy you're back, you know," he said. "I think they're bored with us." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. "I've missed them too. You have no idea how long it took to get used to not sleeping with them." ****  
** **

He bent down to take Poppy's leash off her and clipped it to her collar. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

In the living room, Paul got up and cleared away the champagne glasses, taking the stems between the fingers of one hand like a bouquet of glass. "Marc taught me this," he said, holding them up proudly. "I'm, uh…gonna set up the wine baste for the turkey. Burt, would you like to help me?" ****  
** **

Burt looked up from the couch - and so did Kurt. ****  
** **

"Huh?" they said in unison. They were both sure they had misheard. Surely Paul had meant _Kurt_ . ****  
** **

Paul smiled. "Mr Hummel senior?" ****  
** **

"I, uh, I don't cook. I mean, I can, sort of, but not really. Kurt's the chef, I'm just-" Burt started protesting. ****  
** **

"He really isn't great," Kurt added, scrunching up his nose a little. ****  
** **

" _Hey_ , thanks," Burt grumbled, looking at him from the side. ****  
** **

"Ah, but it's never too late to learn. See, I didn't get into cooking until my forties, I couldn't even boil an egg, and now I am making turkey for six people. It's great! Cooking is easy. Come on, Burt," Paul said enthusiastically, and before Burt really knew what had happened, he was walking along to Marc and Paul's large kitchen. ****  
** **

Carole watched them go with a grin on her face. "Paul is really something," she said fondly. ****  
** **

"He doesn't take no for an answer, that's for sure," Kurt agreed. ****  
** **

"Sounds like someone else I know," she mused as she watched Burt's retreating back. She settled herself down on the large corner sofa next to Kurt. "I can't get over how _nice_ this place is...it's like something out of a movie." ****  
** **

"I know, right?" Kurt said with a sigh, relaxing into the soft pillows of the couch. "And you get used to it really fast. It wasn't easy getting back to my own place after this." ****  
** **

Carole smiled. "Sebastian said the same." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. "We both had trouble adjusting. So...he moved in with me," he said, smiling. "We'll need to find a new place at some point to fit all of our stuff in, but...it works for now." ****  
** **

Carole smiled at him and then felt her smile droop a little. She didn't know what to say. She felt awful for Sebastian and everything he'd been through - he really had been dragged through the wringer, and so had Kurt. She could only guess at how helpless he must have felt, seeing his partner go through it all and not even be able to offer comfort by means of a hug or a touch. ****  
** **

"I'm so sorry, Kurt," she finally said. ****  
** **

Kurt held his breath for a moment as he considered his options. He didn't want to brush her off; she had only just heard the news and probably needed to talk it through to come to terms with it. But he also didn't want to make it about him. It wasn't _his_ story. ****  
** **

"Thank you," he said quietly. "But it's...as you can see, he's doing okay. He's communicating again, he's going outside, he's going to class and therapy and his support group…" ****  
** **

Carole nodded. "That's good, and I'm glad he's doing better and getting the help he needs..." She paused. "...but how are _you_?" ****  
** **

Again, Kurt was tempted to tell her it was okay, that he was fine...but this was Carole. He knew she was asking because she genuinely wanted to know. And maybe, he thought, Sebastian wasn't the only one he should be honest with. ****  
** **

Suddenly, his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. "I miss him," Kurt blurted out, and clasped his hand over his mouth, shaking his head. He breathed in through his nose, forcing himself to slow his breathing and calm down. After a few steadying breaths, he lowered his hand. ****  
** **

"I miss the way he used to be," he added softly. "I mean, he's still Sebastian. He's still my boyfriend, my Bas...But it's like he has grown serious and pensive, and he rarely snaps out of that anymore. I miss his laughter and his jokes, even if they were rude and infuriating and inappropriate!" He pulled up the corner of his mouth in a sad smile. "I miss how he would command the room whenever he walked in, drawing focus and knowing he deserved it. I miss his braggy stories and his nsfw text messages." He shook his head, aware of how trivial it all sounded. But there were bigger issues, too. ****  
** **

"I miss making love to him. And I miss how easy it was to feel _loved,_ " he confessed. ****  
** **

Carole sat and listened to him pour his heart out and felt her own break. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. She didn't say anything.She didn't know _what_ to say. So she sat quietly and listened, wondering if this was possibly the first time he'd voiced any of this outloud. ****  
** **

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered. "This is stupid. I'm - _Sebastian_ is the one who's going through all of this stuff. I _know_ why he can't do these things anymore and I would never want him to make himself play a part, just for me. It's just...all so different now." ****  
** **

He blinked away his tears. "Not different enough to break up with him," he said with certainty. "In case you were thinking that." ****  
** **

Carole shook her head and squeezed his hand again. "It's not stupid Kurt, it's not stupid at all...It's okay to feel this way. You've lost something too and it's _okay_ to miss it. You're allowed to mourn, and you're allowed to have your own feelings about it." ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. To have them, yes - but to voice them? ****  
** **

"I just don't want to add to his misery," he said. "He's getting better - _we're_ getting better, and I shouldn't complain. I just don't know if we'll ever really get back to the way it was. Maybe that's not possible." ****  
** **

Carole gave him a grave look. "I think there are things you'll never completely be over," she said, and Kurt knew without her saying it what she meant. His heart sank. ****  
** **

Carole offered him a brave smile. "But laughter? And jokes? They'll come back, I promise." ****  
** **

"Okay," he said. "I look forward to that." ****  
** **

She smiled at him sadly and he sighed, shuffling down on the sofa a little to rest his head on her shoulder. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and linked their arms together. ****  
** **

"And, if you ever need to voice your thoughts to someone, you can voice them to me...it's what I'm here for." ****  
** **

"Thank you." Kurt looked ahead at the large tv set. "Hey, do you want to watch some Gilmore Girls before the guys put on sports?" ****  
** **

" _Do_ I?" Carole replied happily, and Kurt reached for the remote.


	32. Thanksgiving Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Kurt find out they have more to be thankful for than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for moderately explicit adult-y situations at the end of the chapter ;)

In the kitchen, Paul was doing what he liked best; explaining things he was interested in, in great detail, whether his baffled audience was following or not.  ****  
** **

"Of course you could also use butter or even oil but if you really want to keep it from drying out, using its, uh, natural juices is best-" ****  
** **

Burt looked up from the sauce he was stirring, a little baffled. " _What_ ?"  ****  
** **

"The turkey." ****  
** **

"Oh. Right. Yes, of course," Burt mumbled. To chase the thoughts from his mind, he said: "I suppose Kurt told you about our first Friday night dinner after his mom died, when I tried to cook chicken?" ****  
** **

Paul paused his Turkey Basting Master Class and looked at him with a tender expression in his eyes. "I think so, but I'd like to hear your version as well." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"Burt and Carole seem nice," Marc said conversationally to Sebastian as they walked through City Hall Park. The park wasn't very crowded on account of the holiday so they'd let Poppy and Lola off their leads. The two dogs were tracking and exploring through the grass and trees around them, enjoying their moment of freedom. ****  
** **

"Oh yeah, they're great," Sebastian replied. "Burt didn't like me much when he first met me...but that wasn't his fault. He's been fine since we cleared the air." ****  
** **

"What's not to like?" Marc asked curiously. ****  
** **

Sebastian shrugged uncomfortably. "You know, Kurt's ex, Blaine? He had told him a lot of shit about us, about me. Burt kind of bought into that at first, but Kurt set him straight." ****  
** **

"Oh, right. I forgot about that. Did you ever hear from that guy again?" Marc asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. "As far as we know, he's in LA with his brother." ****  
** **

"Good," Marc said. The last thing Kurt needed right now was a psychotic ex. ****  
** **

Lola came up to Sebastian, carrying a stick in her mouth. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned down at her. She placed the stick by his feet and backed away, looking at him expectantly.  ****  
** **

He bent down and picked it up. Lola jumped a little in excitement and Sebastian threw the stick away from himself. Lola barked and sprinted off after it. ****  
** **

"Oh, how small things please small minds," Marc commented as Lola came sprinting back with her new toy in her mouth, wagging her tail. ****  
** **

"Well, they _are_ retrievers." ****  
** **

Poppy had caught up and snapped at the stick. ****  
** **

"Oh, come on baby, there's enough sticks around here, go get your own," Marc encouraged her. "There, under the tree. Go on." ****  
** **

Poppy bounded off and soon returned with a large branch that trailed on the ground as she dragged it. Marc chuckled. "You're a little size queen, aren't you, Pop? Here, let me-" He took the branch and snapped a good piece off of it, held it up for her to see, and then threw it. ****  
** **

Sebastian and Marc let them run around for a while.  ****  
** **

"Hey Marc?" Sebastian said after a while of companionable silence. He'd had a thought floating around his head for a while and felt it was time to voice it. ****  
** **

"Hmm?" Marc hummed, looking at him.  ****  
** **

"You know last summer? When I had a bit of a meltdown…" ****  
** **

Marc nodded. ****  
** **

"Well...I just wanted to say sorry...Again. I said that you weren't my dad, and well, that was wrong and I'm sorry. You've been a better dad to me in the two years since we met than my actual dad was in my whole life...and I don't know what I'd have done the last few months without you and Paul."  ****  
** **

Marc smiled. "Hey, that's fine. We already put that behind us, right?" He looked out over the park, where Poppy and Lola had found a third stick and were now trying to play catch with each other. ****  
** **

"When you get to be as old as we are," he continued, "you'll have seen a lot of abandoned kids fall through the grid. I think Paul and I both recognised something of ourselves in you, and wanted to make sure you didn't lose your way." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at him sadly. "Well, I really appreciate it...and..." He paused, trying to form his words in a way that wouldn't make the request sound stupid or childish.  ****  
** **

"I _like_ that I now have two dads who care about me and are willing to do whatever they can to help...and well, I know we're colleagues and I don't want it to get weird...but would you mind if, maybe, I _call_ you dad?" ****  
** **

Marc turned to look at him, a small incredulous smile on his face. As he realised Sebastian _wasn't_ kidding, his smile wavered a little. "I...I guess that's okay," he said hesitantly, running a hand through his hair.  ****  
** **

"If it makes you uncomfortable or weird then it's okay...I don't have to," Sebastian said. "I just thought...people already tend to assume you're my dad anyway - at the hospital, at the police station and...I dunno..." he trailed off, panicking a little. ****  
** **

"No! It doesn't make me uncomfortable!" Marc said quickly. "I just...wasn't expecting it, that's all." He paused while he processed the information and a smile started to form on his face.  "I...kind of like it." ****  
** **

He turned the smile towards Sebastian and it grew even more. "I know Paul likes it too. He's very proud of you." ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded, blushing a little. He didn't feel like he'd done anything to be proud of. A lot of the time, he still felt too broken to be functional - like a china plate that had been smashed into pieces and glued back together. The cracks still showed and it'd always be a little weaker than other plates. Though with therapy, that feeling was easing off. ****  
** **

"I'm proud too," Marc added. "You've come so far, with everything you've had to endure...To still be standing here shows real strength." ****  
** **

Sebastian hummed. "Well...what strength I do have, I get from Kurt and you guys." ****  
** **

Marc smirked. Kurt had said the same after his break-up. The both of them heavily underestimated themselves. "Let's agree to disagree on that," he offered, "and gather in the girls before they drag home half the park." ****  
** **

He shook his head a little. "Dad..." he mumbled to himself, as if testing it on his tongue. "It does make me feel damn old!" ****  
** **

"You _are_ damn old, dad," Sebastian teased. ****  
** **

"Shut up or you're grounded," Marc bit back, though a smile was forming on his lips. So, a son after all. With Paul. It made him feel very warm inside.  ****  
** **

-  ****  
** **

"Oh, you should have seen it!"  ****  
** **

"I wish I had!"

Thunderous laughter rang out. Kurt frowned and got up, unable to help himself.  ****  
** **

He peeked around the corner of the kitchen. He had been sitting in the living room playing with his phone and chatting to Carole so that Paul and his dad some time to connect, but the constant volleys of laughter coming from the kitchen had made him curious. What was so funny about preparing turkey?  ****  
** **

"Everything okay in here?" he asked carefully.  ****  
** **

"Sure, Kurt," his father said, grinning broadly. ****  
** **

Paul pushed his glasses up to his forehead to wipe tears from his eyes, still chuckling.  ****  
** **

"You're not telling him embarrassing childhood stories about me, are you?" Kurt asked, narrowing his eyes. ****  
** **

His dad pulled a sanctimonious face. "No, I'm hearing all about your boyfriend," he said sweetly. ****  
** **

Kurt's eyes glittered. "Oohh… count me in." He quickly stepped inside and surveyed the scene in the kitchen. "Oh, dad, it's nearly boiling over, you need to-" ****  
** **

"He's fine, Kurt," Paul reprimanded him. "Just let him do it. He's doing great." ****  
** **

"You hear that, son? I'm doing great. Go on, Paul. I want to hear the rest," Burt said, looking pleased. ****  
** **

"It smells great in here," Carole commented, also joining them. "And you look very good doing that," she added under her breath, stepping up to Burt. ****  
** **

"So anyway…" Paul carried on, even more animated now that his audience had grown. "What happened next was-" ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

The sound of laughter greeted their ears as Sebastian and Marc walked through the front door ten minutes later. The dogs made a straight line for their water bowls. Marc and Sebastian smiled at each other and followed the noise to the kitchen.  ****  
** **

They found everyone standing around the centre island, listening to Burt tell an animated story. ****  
** **

"He goes to me 'dad, I heard a joke today but I don't get it'. So I tell him to tell me the joke, and..." Burt chuckled. "He says 'what comes after 69?'...so I say '70...' and Kurt, my little boy, shakes his head, looks me dead in the eye, and goes ' _mouthwash_.'" ****  
** **

Everyone except Kurt roared with laughter. Sebastian saw Kurt cover his eyes with his hand, shaking his head softly.  ****  
** **

"He was 6 years old!" Burt added gleefully. ** **  
** **

The laughter continued. Kurt was flushed a deep crimson. ****  
** **

"Damn babe, such dirty mind at 6 years old...who'd have known," Sebastian teased, stepping up to his boyfriend and grinning at him. ****  
** **

"I overheard the janitors," Kurt mumbled. "It was honest curiosity!" ****  
** **

"It's adorable," Paul said fondly. ****  
** **

"That reminds me of the first time Finn consciously saw me naked in the bathroom, he was _horrified_ -" Carole said, a little breathless from laughing. ****  
** **

"Oh my god, I am going now," Kurt let out, taking Sebastian's hand and pulling him along out of the kitchen, much to the amusement of the others. They had only just passed the door as Carole's voice rang out. ****  
** **

"'BUT MOMMY HOW DO YOU PEE!?"  ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "Why do parents always do this," he muttered. ****  
** **

Sebastian was still grinning. "I am now seeing a definite benefit of not having anyone around at family holidays who saw me grow up," he said. ** **  
** **

Kurt let out a little huff of breath. "Oh, you think you're exempt? Paul just finished telling us about the time you tried to get into their pool with a _friend_ after coming home from the bar blind drunk…" Apparently, they had gotten as far as the elevators before security delivered them at Marc and Paul's doorstep. ****  
** **

Sebastian flushed a deep red and grinned at his boyfriend sheepishly. "I didn't know Paul could get that mad!" he said, remembering that night. "I hadn't known them long and I'd only stayed here once...honestly I don't know _what_ I was thinking." ****  
** **

Kurt's eyes glittered. "Oh, I think I _know_ what you were thinking..." he teased. He squeezed Sebastian's hand. "But he didn't sound mad anymore. Such things are always funnier after some time has passed."  ****  
** **

He lead Sebastian to the couch. "Still, these stories _seriously_ damage the mystique of a relationship." Kurt sat down and pulled Sebastian along with him. "I don't think I'm there yet. I'd like to save the potty training stories for our one year anniversary."  ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and curled into Kurt's side, resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I can't believe it hasn't even been a year..." he mused. "It feels like forever." ****  
** **

He wrapped his arm over Kurt's chest and hugged him tightly. ****  
** **

"I hope that's a _good_ thing," Kurt said playfully, resting his head on top of Sebastian's. He knew what Sebastian meant and felt it too. It was hard to imagine he once thought he was going to marry Blaine. ****  
** **

"It's the best thing," Sebastian said snuggling in close. ****  
** **

They sat together for a bit in comfortable silence. Kurt thought about what he had told Carole. Right now, this felt like it was enough. Maybe they'd get the rest back too some day. ****  
** **

Eventually, Carole and the men came back into the living room. ****  
** **

"I never knew basting a turkey took four people," Kurt remarked idly. ****  
** **

"Well, you know what they say, the best part of the party is always in the kitchen," Marc replied, grinning. He was carrying a tray of Margaritas. ****  
** **

Carole looked a little star-struck, and Kurt was pretty sure Marc had mixed their drinks in the most elaborate way possible. ****  
** **

"I dunno," Sebastian said not moving from his position. "This party feels pretty awesome too." ****  
** **

Marc smiled down at them and handed each of them a glass. "We thought we'd come and join you." ****  
** **

"Yes, the parade will be on soon and then football," Paul said and was met with a collective groan from everyone except Burt. ****  
** **

"You not much of a sport fan, Marc?" Burt asked, a little surprised. ****  
** **

"Oh, I like the bit at soccer when a player scores and they take their shirt off," Marc said drily, holding out his hand to Kurt, who high-fived it. ****  
** **

Paul chuckled and shook his head. "I've been trying to get him interested in golf for years but he just says there's no way he'll wear white pants." ****  
** **

Marc shrugged. "Golf's not even a real sport," he said, rolling his eyes.  ****  
** **

Paul put his hands up in a universally understood gesture of 'see what I have to deal with?'.  ****  
** **

Burt was chewing his lower lip a little like he was trying to figure something out. ****  
** **

"You know we could always watch _Titanic_ ," Carole suggested. "We saw a commercial for it earlier." ****  
** **

"No!" Marc, Paul and Kurt all said firmly.  ****  
** **

Burt and Carole looked between them bemused. ****  
** **

"I thought a group of gay guys would like that film," Burt said. ****  
** **

"Oh we do," Paul replied. "In fact, for our second date, Marc and I rented the video and ordered pizza...it's just..." he glanced at Sebastian, who huffed uncomfortably. ****  
** **

"Bas is not too great with unhappy endings," Kurt said diplomatically, lightly patting his boyfriend  on the knee. ****  
** **

"Because…?" Burt started, but Kurt quickly shook his head. ****  
** **

"Because apart from the love story between Jack and Rose...the rest _actually_ happened. All those people _actually_ died and there were children who went to sleep and never woke up," Sebastian said bluntly. "And FYI, Jack could totally have fit on that door." ****  
** **

"Please, don't start, honey," Kurt said quietly. He turned to his dad. "I think it's a history student thing." ****  
** **

"Why don't we just watch the news instead," Marc suggested, and took up the remote. The living room was filled with sound and light as the screen came on, showing a newsreader next to a mugshot of a middle-aged man looking grim. ****  
** **

At the flash of the man on the screen Sebastian felt his blood turn to ice. ****  
** **

"...arrested last week following an anonymous tip about a paedophile network"-" ****  
** **

"...maybe not the news after all!" Marc said hurriedly, changing the channel and shooting Sebastian an apologetic look. ****  
** **

"No...G-go back!" Sebastian said, sitting up to stare at the screen. Marc looked at him hesitantly but did so. The man's mugshot was still on the screen and Sebastian gasped, his glass slipping from his hand and crashing to the floor. ****  
** **

"Bas?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian didn't seem to hear him. ****  
** **

"...a thorough search of the storage facility rendered several hard drives of child pornography and large quantities of Flunitrazepam, otherwise known as Rohypnol or the so-called 'date-rape drug'. Charles Whittle, 49, has, since his arrest, pleaded guilty to production and possession of child pornography but denies accusations of rape and coercion. A manhunt is being conducted for three other men depicted in the footage found on site. Authorities are urging anyone with information to come forward-"  ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed and continued to stare at the screen. His heart beat so violently in his chest it felt like it was going to break through his rib cage.  ****  
** **

"Seb," Marc said cautiously. He glanced at Paul and Kurt. ****  
** **

Sebastian barely heard Marc. He didn't notice that everyone else in the room was staring at him. All he could focus on was the image of the man on the screen. ****  
** **

"It's-" he breathed. "It's _him_ …"

Kurt blinked, finally processing the actual words from the news in combination with Sebastian's reaction. 

" _Chad_ ?" he asked. "This Charles guy is...Chad?" ******  
** ** **

"Who-?" Burt started, but Carole shh-ed him immediately, looking extremely worried. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian nodded. Staring back at him was the face that haunted his dreams. "Yes," Sebastian said with a rough voice. "I see his face every time I close my eyes...It's him." ******  
** ** **

"Alright, well, we, uh - we've got to call the police, then," Paul said, springing into action. "Tell them what we know, so this guy gets locked away for good, and his buddies too!" ******  
** ** **

"Paul..." Marc started. ******  
** ** **

Paul continued eagerly. "I mean, they said they had footage...they might actually have _proof_ that-" ******  
** ** **

" _Paul!_ " Marc said loudly, getting up from his seat. His husband looked up at him in confusion. "Look at him," Marc whispered, nodding at Sebastian.  ******  
** ** **

Paul followed Marc's nod and his expression crumbled. He had seen that look on Sebastian's face before - right after he had woken from his first night terror. ******  
** ** **

Kurt sat by Sebastian's side, feeling utterly helpless. He was afraid to touch him. "Bas?" he asked carefully. "This...this is...a _good_ thing, isn't it?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and reached for Kurt's hand, nodding slowly. An overwhelming sense of relief crashed over him as his brain caught up with what he had just seen. A noise ripped from his throat, a combination of a laugh and a sob. ******  
** ** **

_I'm free,_ Sebastian thought.  ******  
** ** **

The man that haunted his dreams was no longer roaming the streets. The others were still out there, Sebastian knew. But Chad - _Charles_ \- the ringleader. Was _gone_. 

He let out a loud gasp and then he was laughing - an uncontrollable laugh that ripped through his body and threatened to engulf him. Once he'd started, he couldn't stop.  ******  
** ** **

Kurt stared at Sebastian, gripping his hand tightly. His reaction worried him. At the same time, a million thoughts were running through Kurt's head. Would they find the others? Would it go to court or be settled? Would Sebastian have to testify? ******  
** ** **

But all of that was still in the future. For now, Kurt focused on the most important fact: Sebastian's nightmare had a _name_ , a handle to appoint accountability.  ******  
** ** **

"Is he okay?" Burt asked, looking at Sebastian with an apprehensive expression on his face. "Is this normal?" ******  
** ** **

When nobody answered, Burt fell silent, watching his son's boyfriend let go of every emotion that had been bottled up for months. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian bent over, still laughing. It sounded maniacal even to his own ears but he couldn't stop. After months of terror and nightmares and being afraid, it was over.  ******  
** ** **

When he started wheezing, Paul and Carole looked at each other. They'd seen this kind of shock in patients before. Carole nodded and got up. ******  
** ** **

"Sebastian," Paul said, moving to crouch in front of him. "Seb, sweetheart, you need to calm down or you're going to hyperventilate." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian looked at him wildly, gasping for breath. His chest had started to hurt, and yet the spasms wouldn't stop. He heaved a deep breath and retched a little. Paul cupped the back of Sebastian's neck. "Breathe, son."  ******  
** ** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and tried to focus on Paul's voice as he spoke.  ******  
** ** **

"In and out, come on, in and out." ******  
** ** **

Carole returned with a paper bag she had brought from the plane and handed it to Paul. ******  
** ** **

"Into the bag, Seb," he said opening it and holding it up to Sebastian's mouth. "In and out." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian did so and gradually started to calm down. His breathing calmed and his heart rate slowed back to normal. He sagged to the side, curling into Kurt, suddenly exhausted. His head was pounding and a nearly blinding pain radiated from behind his eyes. ******  
** ** **

"It's okay," Kurt whispered, putting his arm around him. "It's gonna be okay."  ******  
** ** **

For the first time in months, he finally really believed that. ******  
** ** **

Burt watched them and put his arm around Carole. "I don't think there'll be many officers at the station on Thanksgiving," he said carefully. "And they already got the guy, so...maybe for today, we just...be thankful?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian leaned into Kurt's touch and nodded. He shivered a little. "Yeah...I don't think I can face anyone today...," he said quietly. His throat felt raw. "...I need a drink." ******  
** ** **

He looked at the floor. "I'm sorry about the carpet," he said looking between Paul and Marc. ******  
** ** **

"It's hardly the first stain, we have dogs, honey," Marc said, waving it off. "I'll get you a new drink." ******  
** ** **

"And I'll get something to clean up," Carole offered.  ******  
** ** **

"Oh, no, no, let me," Paul said quickly. "Please, you're our guests." He followed Marc into the kitchen. ******  
** ** **

- ******  
** ** **

"I still can't believe they made videos," Paul said as soon as they were out of earshot. "I mean, it's a sure way to get caught, isn't it? What if-" ******  
** ** **

"Paul, I can't do this right now," Marc interrupted him. "We have guests. It's Thanksgiving. I just-" ******  
** ** **

"But this is a break-through! If they have footage of that actual night-" Paul continued. ******  
** ** **

"Then we will need to come to terms with the idea that an unknown amount of anonymous internet users watched our son's _rape_ and jerked off to it," Marc bit back, his voice dangerously level. "And that is _not_ something I want to think about while you're carving the turkey." ******  
** ** **

Paul stared at him for a moment, lost for words. He averted his face, closing his eyes and frowning, his features slowly contorting into a grimace of pain. When he turned back, Marc could see he had understood.  ******  
** ** **

"You're right. I didn't think," Paul admitted hoarsely. "I'm sorry...I just really want all of those guys put away for life...I got carried away." ******  
** ** **

"I want that too, more than anything," Marc replied. "But with as little additional pain for Seb as possible. If you want to _do_ something, maybe you should call his therapist and ask if she can see him asap. He's going to need her." ******  
** ** **

Paul nodded. "I thought I was the doctor," he mumbled, "but you know a lot more about people, don't you?" ******  
** ** **

"I'm a bartender," Marc replied. "It's my job." ******  
** ** **

Paul nodded. "I'll call her first thing in the morning," he promised. ******  
** ** **

Marc raised a hand to stroke Paul's cheek. "I love you," he whispered, needing to reassure his husband that his intervention had only been for the sake of Sebastian. ******  
** ** **

Paul nodded, his eyes wet and tender. "I love you too." ******  
** ** **

- ******  
** ** **

"Is this really happening?" Sebastian whispered, his head pressed against Kurt's shoulder. ******  
** ** **

"It's a Thanksgiving miracle," Kurt said solemnly. "Makes you wonder how Santa is gonna top this." ******  
** ** **

"I always thought Santa was more of a bottom," Marc joked, walking back in with a bottle of wine. "I mean, that Mrs. Clause probably had her elves make her some custom-made toys…" ******  
** ** **

"Oh my god," Burt said, turning a little red.  ******  
** ** **

"Sorry Burt," Marc said sheepishly. Kurt and Sebastian chuckled.

- ******  
** ** **

They watched the Macy's Parade on the large screen TV, commenting on the different floats and costumes. ******  
** ** **

As the afternoon wore on and the channel was switched for football, Sebastian fell silent and withdrew into his mind, battling a mixture of emotions. He was relieved that Charles had been caught; hopeful that it meant that the others would be caught too; worried that they _wouldn't;_ terrified that Charles would be released on bail, and dreading the thought of going back to the police station after the way they had treated him last time.  ******  
** ** **

After a while of listening to everyone celebrate around him, Sebastian slipped away to the terrace. He took up his old spot on one of the wicker arm chairs.  ******  
** ** **

Lola followed him out and sat in front of him with her head in his lap. He sighed and stroked her head. "What a day, huh?" he whispered quietly. ******  
** ** **

"Woof! You can say that again," Kurt said in a gruff voice, having quietly followed him out. "When are we finally getting turkey?" ******  
** ** **

He walked up to them and crouched next to Lola, patting her neck. "Soon, Lola," he answered his own question. "I'm hungry too. And slightly intoxicated from the Margaritas." ******  
** ** **

He looked at Sebastian. "How are you?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian looked down at him and pursed his lips. "I don't really know," he said honestly. ******  
** ** **

Kurt rose to his feet. "That's fair enough. It's a lot to take in." He looked out over the city. "I wonder who sent the anonymous tip," he mused. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian shrugged, "I have no idea...who ever it is I wish I could thank them." He sighed. "I don't know how to feel. I'm glad he's been caught, but...what if they release him? What if the others aren't found? What if the police don't believe me again?" He looked at Kurt. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do now…" ******  
** ** **

"Me neither," Kurt replied. "But do you know what I do when I feel lost?" He paused for a moment, bending down with his hands on either arm of Sebastian's chair and added in a soft whisper: "I ask my boyfriend to kiss me..." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled at him, feeling himself relax. He lifted a hand to stroke under Kurt's chin. "I love you so much," he whispered, leaning forwards to kiss Kurt slowly. ******  
** ** **

"We'll figure it out," Kurt said in between kisses. "It's more than we expected, right? And a partial confession is going to have consequences in any case. They won't just let him go."  ******  
** ** **

He knew it wasn't perfect, but until today, they had assumed ‘Chad' would not get caught at all. "Let's just enjoy Paul's prize bird, have an early night, and make plans tomorrow." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian sighed and smiled. "I like the sound of that." ******  
** ** **

The sound of a wooden spoon against a frying pan rang from inside the apartment and Sebastian grinned at Kurt. "Sounds like that bird is ready." ******  
** ** **

Lola barked enthusiastically. ******  
** ** **

- ******  
** ** **

"Wow, I didn't know your dad could make speeches like that," Sebastian said as they were getting ready for bed. "I mean that was _one_ Thanksgiving address…" ******  
** ** **

Kurt shrugged. "Yeah, well, he _is_ a Congressman. He has his moments." He was pleased that his dad had seized the moment during dinner to say a few words. It had felt oddly formal, but at the same time, very heartfelt. Burt had shared some of the things in his life he was grateful for, and then invited all of them to do the same. By the time they were all done, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, except maybe for Poppy and Lola, who were too busy eating turkey scraps to listen to the humans' sentimentality. ******  
** ** **

"Paul's speech was...surprisingly short," Kurt remarked. "I thought he, as one of the hosts, would definitely say more. Especially since he really enjoys listening to himself talk."  ******  
** ** **

Sebastian hummed. "Maybe he didn't want to out-do your dad?"  ******  
** ** **

He placed his folded-up clothes on the chair in the corner and folded back the duvet. "I'm glad they all get on... I think we should get used to joint holidays...I don't think either set of parents will want to be away from us this christmas." ******  
** ** **

"I like that," Kurt said. "Getting used to it, I mean." He sat down on his side of the guest bed and took up a pillow to fluff it. He looked at it pensively.  ******  
** ** **

"Do you think.." he said, hesitating. "With the news bringing everything back up again...we should maybe use the pillow again?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian thought about it. He, too, wondered if his nightmares would come back tonight.  With therapy and the relaxation exercises he did before sleep, his brain was getting better at distinguishing between what was real and what wasn't. He'd not had many nightmares since his sessions had started. ******  
** ** **

His shock from earlier was starting to fade. Knowing he had the support of Kurt and their families through whatever would come their way helped ******  
** ** **

"I'd like to maybe try without it?" Sebastian suggested. "I know that this may bring it back in my subconscious...but I've been doing well. Maybe we can see how it goes? And fight the fire _if_ it ignites instead?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded, feeling warm inside. After the days they spent pulling away from each other, he now appreciated being close to Sebastian even more. Every night they slept in each other's arms without nightmares was like a gift. Sebastian daring to try, considering the stress he had been under that day, felt like a huge leap forward. ******  
** ** **

Kurt put the pillow to the side and lay down facing his boyfriend. "A goodnight kiss?" he suggested. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled and slid down to lie next to Kurt, rolling onto his side to face him. He lifted a hand to stroke down the side of Kurt's face and cupped his cheek. Slowly, he drew Kurt towards him and pressed a soft, feather light kiss to his lips.  ******  
** ** **

He smiled as Kurt's hand settled on his waist and he kissed his boyfriend again. ******  
** ** **

"Mm...this is nice," Kurt whispered. "My boyfriend pillow has nothing on you." He grinned and kissed Sebastian again, pulling him a little closer. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian grinned back at him and pressed into the kiss, tightening his grip on Kurt as he shuffled closer. He opened his mouth a little and flicked his tongue out to tease Kurt's top lip. ******  
** ** **

Kurt sighed happily and responded by sucking the tip of Sebastian's tongue into his mouth. He could feel the heat ignite under his skin and he ran his hand down his boyfriend's back.  ******  
** ** **

Sebastian hummed and pushed his tongue further into Kurt's mouth, sliding it against his in a move that felt both new and familiar.  ******  
** ** **

Kurt let out a little moan and fidgeted as he felt his erection grow inside his sleep pants. He no longer tried to hide how Sebastian's affections made him feel, trusting in their agreement that Sebastian would tell him to stop when it was overwhelming him. He hardly could have hidden it if he'd wanted to - now that they were pretty much back to first base, the merest touch turned Kurt on. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian moved closer as Kurt's grip on him tightened and he moved his leg to hook over Kurt's thigh. He felt bold making this move. They hadn't been _this_ close in bed in months. In the back of his mind, he knew they should probably stop soon, but the feeling of Kurt beneath him was awakening something inside him that he thought he'd lost. He wanted to make the most of it while it lasted. ******  
** ** **

"Mmm...Bas, both our parents are here," Kurt mumbled, panting a little, "We should...ah...probably keep it family-friendly..." His body belied his words, his hips undulating upwards to meet Sebastian. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian pulled away a little and looked down at Kurt with a grin. "We're just kissing babe," he said mock-innocently. His smile turned wicked. "Though...if you can keep quiet, I'd like to try something." ******  
** ** **

"I can be quiet!" Kurt let out eagerly, and clamped his lips together as he realised how loud he'd said that. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian chuckled and kissed him. "Take off your clothes," he whispered in a sultry voice. ******  
** ** **

Kurt did not need to be told twice. He stole a quick kiss and then hurriedly pulled off his sleep clothes. Whatever Sebastian had in mind, if it involved nakedness, he was game. He knew he had to pace himself, but at the same time, he wanted to show Sebastian nothing had changed. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian removed his own clothes a little slower than Kurt and then moved carefully until he was hovering above his boyfriend. He looked down into Kurt's face and saw nothing but love and lust in his eyes. Sebastian smiled at him and dipped his head to kiss him again, slowly lowering his body until they were pressed flush against each other. He was hard now too. The touch of warm skin against skin sent shivers down Sebastian's spine and he gasped a little. ******  
** ** **

Kurt smiled up at him and brushed Sebastian's hair off his forehead. He kept still, waiting for Sebastian to move. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian let out a breath and slowly rolled his body down against Kurt's. "Is this okay?" he asked shyly. ******  
** ** **

"Yes, it's very ok," Kurt said clearly, hoping to erase any possible doubt about his consent from Sebastian's mind. He looked down their bodies. "Can I touch us?" he asked. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian kissed Kurt and shook his head. "Not yet...I just wanna be close like this...I don't want it to be over yet." ******  
** ** **

He lifted his hips a little and then rolled them down against Kurt's. "You can put your hands on my ass if you like?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt smirked. "Should I ever _not_ want that, consider me abducted and replaced by an alien," he teased, following Sebastian's directions and groaning a little. Despite Sebastian's intentions, he wasn't sure how long he could last, touch or no touch. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian closed his eyes, pressing back into his hands a little. After so long without it, Kurt's touch was nearly scorching against his skin. He kissed Kurt hard and rolled his hips down again, adjusting the angle slightly until they slid together perfectly.  ******  
** ** **

"Oh Kurt," he whispered. "Fuck, you feel so good." ******  
** ** **

"Yeah," Kurt mumbled eloquently, a concentrated frown on his brow. It was good - it was incredible - but he wanted more; he needed Sebastian closer, deeper. Kurt found himself automatically accommodating him, arching up and spreading his legs to wrap them around Sebastian's. He wanted to keep him there and never let go. ******  
** ** **

"Make love to me, Bas," he breathed. " _Please_." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian moaned and jolted to a stop, his heart beating wilding in his chest. For a moment, a flash of panic burst through him. But then he looked at Kurt, staring up at him with love and honest need in his eyes, and the panic subsided. ******  
** ** **

"Yes. Okay," he whispered, leaning down to kiss Kurt slowly. "Do we have anything with us?" ******  
** ** **

"Uh...I don't know," Kurt admitted, a little surprised with himself. He hadn't consciously packed any supplies - they hadn't needed them for a long time. "Maybe in the front zipper of my suitcase?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt's heart was beating rapidly. He hadn't realised what he had asked for until Sebastian briefly faltered. It had felt so natural to continue to this that Kurt had completely forgotten to keep himself in check. And now Sebastian had said _yes_ \- and he wasn't even sure they had lube. ******  
** ** **

_Kurt Hummel, you are a prize idiot_ , he cursed himself. ******  
** ** **

"I'll go check," Sebastian said, climbing off him. Kurt watched him go. He bit his lip and held his breath as Sebastian slipped his fingers into the sleeve of his case.  ******  
** ** **

Sebastian retrieved a travel-sized pump bottle and glanced back at Kurt. He smiled nervously.  ******  
** ** **

Kurt hoped his own smile was both encouraging and non-threatening. He really wanted this to work. If he screwed up now, they might never get back this kind of intimacy. Maybe it was too soon, after all.  ******  
** ** **

Sebastian slowly walked back to the bed and sat down next to Kurt. ******  
** ** **

"Bas, you don't have t-…" Kurt started, but the words stuck in his throat as he saw his boyfriend's expression. ******  
** ** **

"I want to," Sebastian said.  ******  
** ** **

He climbed back onto the bed and settled himself between Kurt's legs. ******  
** ** **

He squeezed some lube into his palm and rubbed his fingers together a little to coat them. "I love you," he said, leaning forwards to kiss his boyfriend as he reached down between Kurt's legs. "So much." ******  
** ** **

"Me too. You are the one, Bas," Kurt whispered back. His body reacted to Sebastian's touch, relaxing on cue, and Kurt's eyes slipped closed. He planted his feet a little firmer on the mattress and rolled his hips down. He could hear Sebastian breathe, and focused on him. They were not the panicked, fast breaths of his nightmares. Sebastian was aroused, and his soft panting only made Kurt want him more. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian took his time, for his own sake as well as Kurt's, and when he finally entered him, the both of them were trembling with need. ******  
** ** **

"Oh baby," Sebastian whispered, "you feel so good." The tight, clenching heat of Kurt around him was exquisite. How had they abstained from this for so long?  ******  
** ** **

"So do you," Kurt replied, "So so good." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled and bent down to capture Kurt's lips with his own before sitting back up and beginning to move. ******  
** ** **

Kurt held himself still, his hips slightly lifted from the mattress, and allowed Sebastian to set the pace. He reached between their bodies to hold himself down, wanting to draw it out for as long as he could. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian hooked his arms under Kurt's knees and pulled him closer, leaning forward so that he could kiss Kurt.  ******  
** ** **

As he started rocking into him, Kurt kept his lips firmly locked onto Sebastian's, stifling the moans and gasps that were threatening to escape. The time his dad and Carole had overheard them, they might have gotten off easily, but he was pretty sure both Paul and Marc would have something to say about them being that indiscrete under _their_ roof, and they wouldn't be too embarrassed to say it out loud either. ******  
** ** **

He had missed this so much. It was not going to last long, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that they were together again. ******  
** ** **

He felt his orgasm build and released Sebastian lips in favour of breathing. Sebastian used the opportunity to find that elusive spot on his throat and run his tongue over it. Kurt gasped and arched up as far as he could, encouraging Sebastian with every breath. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian's hips stuttered as he felt his own orgasm building and he snaked a hand between them to take hold of Kurt. He moved his fist in time with his thrusts and continued to kiss and suck at Kurt's neck. ******  
** ** **

He thrust into Kurt a final time and came hard deep inside him, burying his moans into Kurt's neck. He continued to pump his hand around Kurt. ******  
** ** **

Just in time, Kurt remembered they were supposed to be quiet, and he pressed his face into Sebastian's shoulder as he came and rode it out silently.  ******  
** ** **

"That was amazing," he whispered after catching his breath, moving his legs to let Sebastian move off of him. "Was...everything okay for you, too?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled down at him and moved so that he could lay next to Kurt with his head pillowed on Kurt's chest. ******  
** ** **

"It was perfect," he replied quietly, kissing over Kurt's heart. "I didn't realise how much I missed it, how much I missed _you_." ******  
** ** **

"And here I was, thinking I was unforgettable," Kurt teased, and wrapped his arms around Sebastian. "I missed you too," he added in a whisper. He couldn't believe that only a few hours ago, he had confessed to Carole that he feared they might never get this back. He realised now it had never been _really_ gone, just locked away. The news about Sebastian's attackers had handed them a key, or so it seemed. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian closed his eyes and wrapped his arm over Kurt's torso, his leg hooking over one of Kurt's thighs, and hugged him close. ******  
** ** **

They lay in silence for a while, soaking in each other's presence. ******  
** ** **

"You are unforgettable, Kurt, and completely irreplaceable," Sebastian said softly after a while. ******  
** ** **

"Yes, that's true," Kurt replied airily, tilting his head to the side and lifting his chin. Then, he snorted. "Thanks. So are you." ******  
** ** **

After a bit of a pause, he asked: "Are you going to tell your therapist?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian looked up at him. "About what? Chad being caught? Or that we just had sex?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt blushed. "Well, both. But I meant...this. Us." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian thought about it. "I probably will tell her," he said honestly. He looked at Kurt again. "...do you mind?" ******  
** ** **

"No, I guess not," Kurt replied. "I mean, it's basically the same as bringing donuts, right?" ******  
** ** **

The idea of it being analysed in terms of Sebastian's recovery made him a little nervous, but he wasn't sorry it had happened. ******  
** ** **

He smiled. "Wanna bring donuts to karaoke night? It'd make Alex happy... and maybe then he won't mind that his team always loses." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smirked. "I think we should, yes. Do you want to shower?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt looked down on his stomach and scrunched up his nose. "I probably should." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt's chest again before sitting up. "Come on," he said, thankful for the en-suite. ******  
** ** **

"Ooooh...a shower chaperone," Kurt said happily, holding out his hand for Sebastian's. ******  
** ** **

He felt butterflies swirl in his stomach and hoped that the anonymous tipper, whoever and wherever they were, was having a good Thanksgiving too. **  
**


	33. New York's Finest Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian goes back to the police to give a statement.

When Sebastian woke up the next morning, it took a moment for him to remember where he was. The sunlight pouring in through the large windows was muted by the blinds and as he got his bearings, he smiled.

He had his back to Kurt and his boyfriend was wrapped around him, strong arms hugging him close. Sebastian's heart gave a little happy jolt.

Kurt kissed the skin behind his ear. "Are you awake?" he whispered. He'd been awake for a while but hadn't wanted to move just yet.

Sebastian closed his eyes and nuzzled back into Kurt's touch.

"Mmm," he hummed. He rolled over in Kurt's arms. "Morning." He kissed Kurt softly.

Kurt kissed him back, and for a moment, they were too busy to talk.

"Good morning to you, too," Kurt said quietly as he pulled away. "Did you sleep okay? I slept like a baby. On cloud 9. Like a baby on a cloud." He grinned.

"I can't remember the last time I slept so well." Sebastian said honestly. "I didn't dream at all!"

Kurt smiled and kissed him, pleased that Sebastian had had a peaceful night. He rolled away from his boyfriend and stretched his back, a little stiff after their _workout_ the night before. "I think I heard Marc and the dogs, but the others are probably still asleep. Do you want to get up?"

Sebastian closed his eyes and hummed. "Maybe in a bit."

He opened his eyes again and moved a hand up to stroke Kurt's hair back off his face. He loved Kurt first thing in the morning. Soft, sleep-warm and incredibly sexy. He leant closer and kissed Kurt slowly.

"Let's sleep in this morning."

Kurt grinned.

-

"Are the boys up yet?" Carole asked, coming into the living room. Burt followed close behind.

Marc shook his head. He was sitting at the kitchen counter while Paul was making breakfast.

"I remember a time when Kurt would stand by my bedside wide awake at 6 am," Burt said with a fond smile.

Carole grinned. "Finn too. Once he tried to make me toast at 5 am in the morning. I was woken up by the fire alarm!"

Marc, who had the feeling Kurt and Sebastian had actually been awake for a while already, just smiled at the reminiscing parents and soothed the dogs, that were eyeing the ongoing breakfast preparations eagerly.

-

"We should probably get up now," Kurt whispered, a little breathlessly. "It's gotten late."

Sebastian pressed his forehead into Kurt's chest and kissed the sweaty skin, his own breath coming out in pants.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I guess we should...but maybe we should shower...again." He grinned. "I don't think we should face our parents like this."

Kurt snorted. "Probably not. Might lose the trust fund," he joked idly. He kissed Sebastian again and pushed himself up on one elbow. "Do we owe the group like...double donuts now?"

-

When they finally arrived in the kitchen, the others had already started breakfast.

"Good afternoon," Marc teased, and he winked at Carole.

Carole took one look at Kurt and Sebastian and blushed.

Burt, completely unaware, looked up from his coffee and offered them a friendly smile. "I guess you guys were really tired after yesterday, huh?" he said.

Sebastian coughed and avoided Marc's eye. "Er yeah...something like that."

He took a seat next to Paul and reached for a slice of toast. Poppy immediately got up from laying under the table to rest her head on his lap and he laughed, ruffling her ears.

"Joking aside," Carole said looking between them. "How are you both?"

Sebastian paused half way through buttering his toast. "I'm...okay, actually." He was a little surprised at how alright he was. Since his outburst the day before and the processing time on the terrace, a certain calm had settled over him.

Carole smiled at him and then looked at Kurt.

"Oh! Me too," he said quickly, "I'm very well...rested."

Marc hid his face behind his coffee mug and Paul shot his husband an incredulous look. He shook his head a little before turning to Sebastian.

"So, what do you boys want to do today? Shall we give Burt and Carole the tour of the Big Apple?"

Sebastian swallowed and put his toast down. "That sounds like a really good plan...but first...I want to go to the police and give them a statement."

It was something he'd been thinking about since seeing the news the day before.

"I know you mentioned it yesterday," he continued looking at Paul. "I want to do it...and I'd rather do it now and get it out of the way."

Paul nodded. "I'll come with you," he said.

"No, I'll go," Marc cut in. "I was with him last time too, and you're the better host." He looked around the group at breakfast. "You and Kurt should stay with our guests."

He had given it some thought over night as well. He knew Paul was eager to help, but the thought of him being subjected to the attitude Sebastian had faced last time would only lead to trouble. If Paul was goaded into going into one of his ranty crusades, they might not take Sebastian's testimony seriously. On top of that, Marc wanted to keep his husband far away from the reality of this case. Paul worked with children every day. Marc knew he was a brave man and an extraordinary surgeon, but he had a soft heart, and the nature and scope of these crimes might break him.

Paul opened his mouth to protest but Marc silenced him with a look and shook his head.

"I'll come too!" Kurt said.

Sebastian took his hand. "You should stay here with your parents babe, we'll come meet up with you after."

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked. "I mean, last time..."

"Last time we were unprepared," Marc said. "Right, Seb?"

Sebastian nodded. He was determined to do this, and wouldn't let anyone get in his way.

He wondered if he'd feel this sure when they got there.

"Take down their names if it happens again," Paul said sternly.

"What? Why, what happened?" Burt asked with a frown.

"I'll tell you later, dad," Kurt said. "Not over breakfast."

Even if Sebastian wasn't his son, Kurt knew his father well, and the kind of humiliation Sebastian had been forced to go through would make Burt incredibly angry of his behalf, and Kurt was worried about his heart.

"We'll be okay," Sebastian said as reassuringly as he could, taking Kurt's hand. "You and Dad can take your parents sightseeing, find a nice coffee place, maybe you and Carole can do some shopping?" He smirked. "It is Black Friday after all...and we'll come meet you after."

"Maybe we can all go for lunch somewhere?" Marc suggested.

"Sounds good," Burt said. "As long as _we_ don't have to go shopping!" He nodded at Paul, who looked a little disappointed right before he masked it with a smile.

"No worries, Burt, I'm sure we can find something else to do, far, far away from the bargain-hunting horde," he said. "Marc probably wouldn't let me go anyway. The last time I went, I got this zebra-striped suit and he threatened to divorce me if I ever wore it in public."

"The threat still stands honey," Marc said pointing his fork at his husband. "There are some things the public just does _not_ need to see."

Sebastian and Kurt chuckled.

"Don't let my husband fool you," Paul said conspiratorially to Burt and Carole. "His fashion sense wasn't always so suave...do I need to bring out the photo albums again, darling?"

"I have nothing to hide!" Marc protested. "I stand by my 90s wardrobe!"

"Oh, I don't!" Carole let out. "Especially not since I wore it straight into the 2000s, until Kurt rescued me."

"I thought you looked great," Burt said straight away. "Before and after Kurt's makeover."

Carole beamed.

Kurt took Sebastian's hand and squeezed it. Sebastian kissed the back of Kurt's hand and smiled at him.

 _Family holidays_ , he thought to himself, remembering the conversation he and Kurt had had the night before. _I could definitely get used to this_.

-

Sebastian stared up at the police precinct, an overwhelming sense of déjà vu settling over him.

He didn't really know how this was going to work. New York had many police precincts across the city and the manhunt currently underway would likely be bigger than one small precinct...but it was the one closest to Marc and Paul's apartment.

"You okay?" Marc asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Sebastian nodded. "Yeah. Just...nervous..."

Marc offered him a grim smile. "Let's get this over with," he said. He knew it was only the beginning- if Sebastian made a statement he could be called upon as a witness if it went to court. And yet, he understood why Sebastian was doing it.

They went inside, and Marc could feel his hackles rise as he saw the man who had interviewed Sebastian last time sitting at the front desk. He was looking at his monitor with a bored expression.

Sebastian swallowed and took half a step back. _Why did it have to be him?_

Marc put his hands on Sebastian's shoulders.

"You can do this, son," he said quietly.

Sebastian let out a breath and nodded. With Marc by his side he stepped up to the counter and spoke.

"Hello, I'd like to report an incident, please. It's regarding the Whittle case."

The officer frowned. "Name?" He kept his eyes on the monitor.

Sebastian took a deep breath. "Smythe. Sebastian Smythe."

That got the man's attention. He looked up and took in Sebastian's face. "I've seen you before," he mumbled. "Smythe..."

"We were here to report the incident at Satire a few months ago," Marc said irritably, "This is unrelated."

The officer narrowed his eyes. He took in Marc, glancing over his leather jacket and ironed shirt, then looked back at Sebastian. He smiled a little.

"Oh yeah. The fag club thing." He sat back in his chair. "And now what, you saw about this new case on the television and thought you'd get your fifteen minutes of fame?"

"How dare you-" Marc started angrily.

"I'm just saying it as it is," the man said. "High profile cases like this call all the nut jobs into action."

"Now, you listen here," Marc said, pressing his finger against the glass.

"Can I help you?" A calm voice spoke from behind them.

Marc and Sebastian looked around to see another police officer stood holding a clipboard. His uniform showed he was the captain.

"Yes, my son is here to report an incident involving Charles Whittle, and your _fine_ officer here is accusing him of lying," Marc said flatly, adding under his breath "...and it wouldn't be the first time."

The captain looked at his colleague. The man was glaring at Marc with a look of thinly-veiled disgust.

"Robertson?" the officer asked calmly.

"Sir?" the man replied grudgingly.

"Have you taken down this young man's name yet?"

"Uh, yeah. But, you know, I think he's just-"

"...a concerned citizen with a matter that concerns a high-profile case?" Robertson's superior prompted.

Robertson frowned. "No. I know him, he's been here before. He works at a _gay_ bar." He twisted his lips. "Probably friends with the perps."

"That is _it_ _!_ " Marc shouted, slamming his hand down on the counter. "You're _done_ _!_ I'm gonna-"

"Please, please," the captain said, stepping forward and holding his hand up to Marc. "Robertson, apologise to this man and his father."

"But-"

"And then, get on the phone to call this in. We're under orders to keep a direct line to the feds with everything concerning this case. Tell them to send someone over, and in the meantime I'll take their first statements. But first...apologise."

Marc crossed his arms and waited.

Robertson glared at his captain, who stared him down. Reluctantly, Robertson looked at Sebastian and sneered. "My _apologies_."

Marc opened his mouth to say something but Sebastian shook his head and placed his hand on Marc's arm.

"Forget it, dad, c'mon."

"I'm so sorry about that," the captain said as he lead them down the corridor after making sure he saw Robertson make the call. "We have sensitivity training but it takes some time to catch with some people."

"Maybe he was sick that day," Marc scoffed.

The captain opened a door and let them in.

"This is my office," he announced. "I am Captain Holstein, I am filling in for Captain Mendez, who is on temporary leave. I thought we might be more comfortable here than in an interrogation room. Would you like some water?" He nodded at the Soda Stream on a side cabinet.

Sebastian shook his head and sat down in one of the chairs. "No, thank you," he said.

The captain sat down and nodded. "Alright," the man said gently. "As my colleague failed abysmally on introductions, why don't you start by telling me your name, and why you've come in today."

Sebastian let out a shaky breath and and nodded. "My name is Sebastian Smythe," he started. "And when I was 16 I was drugged and raped by a group of men in a club in Ohio."

Over the next half hour, Sebastian regaled the entire story to Captain Holstein; everything he now remembered from that night, and that up until the attack at Satire he'd not remembered anything.

Holstein was quiet, nodding and taking notes, looking at Sebastian with a concerned frown. When Sebastian was finished, he put his pen aside.

"I'm extremely sorry for what happened to you, Mr Smythe. I am glad you have decided to come to us. With your permission, I would like to take this up to the Ohio police for a local investigation. They will no doubt want to look into the establishment where the incident happened."

Sebastian nodded.

"As I advised outside however, the wider case regarding Charles Whittle is being handled by the FBI. An agent will be here soon and, if you're willing to wait, I am sure they would appreciate a first-hand account - but I can also have my notes worked into a statement now for you to sign so you can go."

He looked at Marc, then back at Sebastian. "It is important that you understand none of this is obligatory. You're free to go at any time. Cases like this are not solved in a day, and we have your contact data."

Marc nodded and looked at Sebastian.

"It's up to you, Seb," he said quietly.

Sebastian closed his eyes and thought about it. He felt both emotionally and physically drained after telling his story, but the thought of going home and then having to come back at a later time and go through it yet _again_ was worse. Knowing that someone of authority was taking him seriously and that his statement would help the case, gave him a sense of purpose.

"I'd rather just get this over with now, please." He looked at Marc.

Marc nodded.

"Alright, I'll go and see if the agent is here yet," Captain Holstein said. "Please, make yourselves comfortable. If you like, I can make Officer Robertson bring you a coffee before he types up my notes." He did not smile, but his eyes glimmered darkly.

"Yeah, I'll take one," Marc said. "But I cannot guarantee not to spill it on his shoes."

"That's a risk Robertson is going to have to take," Captain Holstein said drily.

-

A few minutes later, a very subdued Robertson knocked on the door and came in, carrying a tray. He said nothing as he put it down.

"So kind of you," Marc teased vengefully. "Enjoy your paperwork."

Sebastian hid a smirk and reached for his own coffee. He hugged the cup in his hands, letting it warm him up.

They sat in silence sipping their drinks, each of them lost in their own thoughts.

Just as they were finishing their mugs, the door opened and the Captain walked back into the room accompanied by a middle aged woman dressed smartly in a navy pant suit.

"Mr Smythe?" she asked.

Sebastian nodded. "I'm Special Agent Flores. First of all, I'd like to thank you for coming forward. The information you can provide will help us greatly."

Sebastian nodded.

"I've been over your testimony with Captain Holstein so you won't have to tell me again. I just have a few questions, and then we can talk about how to move forward."

"I'll leave you to it," Captain Holstein said. "I'll just take my laptop and then my office is yours."

He walked around his desk and took up his work. Reassuring them that he'd be there if they needed anything, he left them in the care of the FBI officer. She went over the details of Sebastian's story, mostly focusing on the three suspects that hadn't been arrested yet. Knowing their names and occupations had probably been fake too, Sebastian couldn't give her much, but she took everything down and never once gave them the feeling they were wasting her time, or that his testimony was useless.

Finally, she closed her notebook. "There's one more thing," she said, hesitating for a moment before she continued. "As you probably heard on the news, a large amount of footage was seized in the raid." She looked between Marc and Sebastian and hesitated again, as if stealing herself to say it. "Before I came in here, I had an agent cross-reference the date you mentioned with the date-stamps on the video material." She paused again. "There was a match."

Marc felt his stomach drop. "There-" He cleared his throat. "There was?"

She looked between them sympathetically and Sebastian felt his blood run cold. They had filmed him after all. How many people had seen it? Had they just kept it to themselves or shared it online? He felt sick to his stomach.

As if she had read his mind, Agent Flores offered: "I haven't seen it. We have a facial recognition software to scan any material we confiscate. A special team of two trained agents processes the findings and makes a transcript for court. The material itself is encrypted before it is stored on an offline drive. We are taking every precaution to ensure it is not spread even if our systems become compromised."

She paused. "I guess what I am trying to say is, your privacy is important to us, Sebastian. No one has to watch it; we can take your picture and run it through the software."

Sebastian closed his eyes and sighed in relief. Then, as his nausea slowly passed, he realised something. The transcript could, once and for all, clear up the holes in his memory of that night. He would no longer need to fill in the gaps with his imagination.

"Would it be allowed...could I...read the transcript?" he asked.

Agent Flores exchanged looks with Marc. "I suppose," she said hesitantly, "once we confirm if it's actually you in the video… and I'd have to ask my supervisor but...Are you sure you want that, Sebastian?"

Sebastian shrugged awkwardly. "I need closure," he mumbled. "I only remember half of it...I guess I need to know-"

"I can do it," Marc said hoarsely. He took Sebastian's hand. "You already lived through it, Seb. You shouldn't have to do it again," he said firmly.

Sebastian let out a sigh and nodded, unable to voice the relief he felt.

-

The next hour passed in a blur. Sebastian had several pictures taken from different angles, and they were sent to the special team. They were brought more refreshments while the footage was scanned and Agent Flores left to make some calls.

She returned just as they were finishing their coffees. She was looking grave.

Sebastian knew at once what that meant. It _was_ him. He felt tears roll down his face and bile rise up his throat. He turned quickly and threw up into the plastic trash can down the side of the desk.

Marc rubbed Sebastian's back soothingly, trying not to throw up himself. He was infinitely glad he had put his foot down and kept Paul away from this...there was no way his husband could have done what came next.

Sebastian sat up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, turning into Marc's touch. Marc held Sebastian close as he sobbed into Marc's chest. He closed his eyes and fought back his own tears, anger boiling inside him - he wanted their blood. Every single one of the men who had hurt his son would pay for this, if it was the last thing he did.

Eventually, Sebastian pulled away and sat back in his chair. He was shivering.

With a heavy heart, Marc let go of Sebastian and got up, pausing to take off his jacket and drape it over Sebastian's shoulders.

"I'll ask Captain Holstein to find you a place with some privacy," Agent Flores suggested quietly. "I can stay with Sebastian."

-

The transcript was neutral, almost clinical. It described actions as well as spoken words and - in case of Sebastian's French - an English translation. Marc had to stop several times, tears blurring his vision too much to read. When he was finally done, he called Paul, just needing to hear his voice.

"I think I'm just going to take him home," Marc told his husband. "I don't think either of us are in the mood to be out in public."

"No, of course not," Paul said softly, his worry audible from down the phone. "We won't be long."

Marc let out a broken sigh. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Marc closed his eyes and hung up the phone. He allowed himself two minutes to muster some composure before standing up and leaving the room.

The look on Marc's face as he came back into the office aged him by ten years. Sebastian stood up and hugged him.

Marc gripped Sebastian tightly, afraid to let go.

"I'll give you both some privacy," Agent Flores suggested. She stood up and slipped from the room.

Sebastian pulled away from Marc. "Are you okay?"

"Ask me again in an hour or so," Marc replied, his voice rough as nails. He shook his head. "Seb, I'm just...so, so sorry."

Sebastian closed his eyes and felt a tear escape down his cheek.

"...Wh...how bad was it?" He whispered. "W-was there really four of them?"

Marc nodded wordlessly. He saw Sebastian's shoulders slump and felt as if he had been punched in the gut. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "But it was...pretty much as you told us. No...surprises."

Sebastian nodded and moved in to hug Marc again. "Thank you for doing that for me."

Marc forced a smile. "Part of my new job description," he joked feebly. "I think the lady said we were done, wanna get out of here?"

Sebastian smiled weakly and pulled away from him. "Yes, please."

Marc nodded and together they left the room. Agent Flores saw them exit the room and approached them.

"Thank you both again for coming down here today."

"Will you keep us posted on the progress?" Marc asked.

"Of course! We have your contact details and I'll give you mine." She handed Sebastian a business card. "This has my cellphone on it as well. If you think of _anything_ else, call me!" She smiled. "You can also call me to talk more about Grey's Anatomy. My boyfriend would be happy if he doesn't need to listen to me rant about it." She winked at him.

Sebastian smiled weakly at her and nodded. He handed Marc back his jacket and pulled his own tighter around himself to button it up.

"Sebastian, one final thing," Agent Flores said, "As you are now a key witness in the investigation, we may need to call on  you in court. Is that something you think you'll be able to do?"

Sebastian looked at her and swallowed. "I think so," he said quietly. "I want to make sure they're brought to justice."

"We have warrants out across the states," Agent Flores said. "Your statement will be vital in this case. We're also hopeful Whittle may yet reveal some useful information to find the others."

Marc frowned. "Will he get out? Like, if he makes a deal that helps find them?"

"I doubt it," Agent Flores replied. "I mean, I'm no defence lawyer, but he already confessed to possession and production of child pornography. He'll be registered as a sex offender and will most likely be imprisoned for several years."

Marc clenched his jaw and nodded. "Thank you."

Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. He swayed on the spot a little and Marc wrapped his arm around him.

"Come on Seb, let's get you home." Agent Flores smiled at them sympathetically and Marc guided Sebastian from the precinct.

-

The journey home was silent. Too much had happened for small talk.

With Kurt, Paul, Burt and Carole still in the city, the apartment was mercifully quiet when they walked through the door.

Poppy and Lola, who had been laying in the hallway waiting, sat up as soon as they saw Marc and Sebastian. They seemed to sense something was wrong and approached the two men slowly, their ears drooped slightly.

"Hey girls," Marc said quietly, stroking Poppy's head.

Sebastian stroked Lola and continued to walk.

"Are you hungry?" Marc asked, trying to keep things as normal as possible.

"No," Sebastian said quietly. "I...I'm gonna go sit outside for a bit...thank you again."

Marc nodded. "It's okay, Seb. I'm here if you need me."

"I know," Sebastian smiled. "Thanks, dad."

He walked towards the terrace, Lola following behind him.

Marc closed his eyes and sagged against the wall. Poppy whined. "C'mon," he said, stroking her again. "I need a very stiff drink."

-

Marc was on his third scotch when he heard the door open an hour or so later. He sipped his drink, avoiding looking towards the hall when the group walked down.

"You two go see your boys," Carole offered in a whisper, her heart breaking at the sight of Marc's bloodshot eyes. "Burt and I will take our shopping to our room."

" _Your_ shopping, you mean," Burt corrected - then fell silent.

Marc chuckled a little as he caught the indignant look on Carole's face out the corner of his eye. She was a remarkable woman.

"Hey," Kurt said, walking towards him. He put his shopping bags down against the wall . "Is Bas...?"

"On the terrace, yes," Marc replied, not moving from the couch. Kurt nodded and walked past Marc towards the terrace, placing a hand on his shoulder as he went.

Paul walked towards the couch and sat down next to Marc. "We missed you at lunch," he said softly.

Marc held up his glass. "Had a liquid one," he mumbled.

"I already figured that." Paul sighed sadly and pulled him into his arms.

Marc went willingly and curled into Paul's embrace silently.

"I love you," Paul reminded Marc again, knowing he was not yet in a state for talking.

-

"How was it?" Kurt asked, stepping out into what had sort of become Sebastian's realm.

Lola looked up at Kurt from her position by Sebastian's side and whined. Kurt stroked her head as he walked around to take the seat next to Sebastian.

Sebastian shook his head.

"They listened," he said. "They believed me..."

"That's...That's good right?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian nodded but then stopped and swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth. "It was filmed," he whispered.

"The...testimony?" Kurt started, then froze. "Oh. Oh, god. Not...that." He paused. Something irrational nagged at him. _Sebastian had_ told _them not to film it. Why did they film him?_ Kurt felt sick. _Of course they did. They did everything else against his will, too._

"Did the cops - did you-" he stuttered.

Sebastian shook his head violently. "No. They have a team for that. All they did was take my picture and run it through their software to confirm that it was me. But Marc, he-"

Kurt gasped.

"They had a transcript and he r-read it...It's all true. Everything in my nightmares...it all happened." The last came out as a whisper.

"Why? Why would Marc-" Kurt stopped himself.

"He did it so that I didn't have to," Sebastian said quietly. "I needed to _know_."

Kurt's respect for Marc soared into unknown heights. At the same time, his heart plummeted.

"I wish it wasn't true," he said softly. It was about the worst way to confirm his nightmares, though if he was honest, there probably wasn't a _good_ way.

"Me too,"  Sebastian whispered. "I booked a session with Jamie tomorrow...w-would you come with me?"

Kurt looked up. "Yes, of course," he said. He pulled up the corner of his mouth. "I'll come anywhere with you," he added.

Sebastian smiled at him and nodded. "Thank you. How was your day?"

"It was fine," Kurt said. "I took Carole to 5th Avenue, pushed through the crowds, wrestled some old ladies for a shawl - I _might_ get some bruises in unseemly places but Carole was over the moon, it was 70% off."

Sebastian smiled at him, trying to focus on Kurt.

"I'm glad you had fun."

Kurt nodded. It _had_ been fun, but he had simultaneously worried about Sebastian the whole time.

Sebastian closed his eyes and rested his head back against the chair.

"I called Elliott just now. He was really supportive."

"Elliott is great," Kurt agreed. "I'm glad the two of you are able to help each other out. You know, in a way that the rest of us can't."

He thought about it. It didn't make him jealous that Sebastian had found someone to confide in. Since their post-it promise, he felt certain that Sebastian would share what was on his mind if it concerned him or their relationship.

It did help, however, that Elliott was a performer with a passion for music and the theatrical - Kurt wasn't sure how he'd feel about Sebastian bonding on this level with someone they had nothing in common with.

His mind went back to Elliott's performance, and then Kurt was reminded of the upcoming benefit. Elliott had also agreed to sing there, as had some of the Warblers. He grinned.

"Did you see the video Jeff posted in our group chat?" he asked. It had been typically _Jeff_.

Sebastian smirked and nodded. "Yeah. I do sometimes wonder how he manages to walk down the street without being run over..." He shook his head fondly. "It'll be good to see them."

"Yes. I can't wait to see what they're preparing. But whatever they do, I'm sure Satire will love them."

Kurt smiled. Between them, Starchild, Mercedes, Gabrielle's friends and the band from Pianos, it was going to be a great night. He knew their patrons were probably hoping for a new routine too, but they'd just have to take what they could get.

"It'll be a good night," Sebastian said. "I'm sorry I've not been much help in organising."

Kurt shrugged. "It's ok. I have a lot of practise running things by myself from Glee club, where no one would help me, ever. At least you had a reason."

He looked over his shoulder to the apartment. "I'm going back in for a bit before my parents go home. Can I get you anything?"

Sebastian smiled and shook his head. "I'm fine, thanks...I just wanna sit out here on my own a while longer...Is that okay?"

"Sure," Kurt replied. "My parents fly back to Ohio tomorrow morning. _You_ are staying. We have all the time in the world." He kissed Sebastian's cheek and went inside. He glanced at Sebastian through the glass. He wasn't moving, simply staring at the city below as he had done so many months ago.

Kurt hoped that today had put some of Sebastian's ghosts to rest, even if it had probably created a world of new ones for Marc.


	34. Double Donuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian bring the Scoobs up to date about their Thanksgiving.

"I can't believe it's almost December already," Sebastian said as they walked along the street towards the coffee house.

He pulled his scarf closer around his face and tightened his grip on Kurt's hand. It was Saturday afternoon. Burt and Carole had flown home that morning and they were on their way to meet their friends for coffee before heading on to the karaoke bar. It was long overdue.

Sebastian and Kurt had met with his therapist earlier. They had discussed the news and talked through what had happened at the police station. Despite already _knowing_ that it was real - it was all over the news after all - the formal process of talking through the events of the last few days had helped it finally sink in for Sebastian that it _was_ real. Whittle was _gone,_ and it felt like he could finally breathe again.

"This year has flown by so quickly," Sebastian mused.

"I know! It feels like summer was just days ago," Kurt replied, then smiled. "Maybe we're just getting old. It seems like such an old people thing to say."

"Speak for yourself!" Sebastian scoffed.

Kurt rolled his eyes and Sebastian grinned, nudging Kurt playfully.

They reached the coffee shop and Kurt held open the door. He spotted Alex and Steph already inside and waved when Steph caught his eye.

Steph returned Kurt's wave with a little smile. Her eyes did a once-over of Sebastian. Something was different. She wasn't sure what it was, but he seemed to be holding himself differently. For the first time in months, he looked a bit more like himself again.

Sebastian and Kurt got in line for coffees.

Steph watched them while they waited and saw Sebastian place his hands on Kurt's hips before sliding around his waist. It caused a happy little flutter in her heart.

"You okay, honey?" Alex asked.

"Yeah," she said, pulled from her reverie. "Seb and Kurt just got here."

"And they're ordering _donuts_!" Alex let out happily, following her eyes to the counter. "Yeah!!"

Steph blushed. So _that_ was it. Good for them. It wasn't exactly coffee date material to talk about such themes, but from what Kurt had let on, they had been having difficulties, and understandably so. Maybe they had managed to cross that bridge now.

"Oh man, look at that box," Alex continued. "That's more than one donut for each of us. It's like...double donuts. Or triple. That must have been _some_ Thanksgiving!"

"Alex, honey, don't give them a hard time about it, okay?" Steph said carefully. He opened his mouth and she pointed a finger at him. "Yes, I know I said _hard_." 

Alex closed his mouth again. 

Steph sighed. "You're such a teenager."

"I'm just glad for them," he said, sulking a little. "And I really like donuts."

"I know, baby," Steph soothed, leaning over to kiss him.

"Hey guys," Kurt greeted them, carrying their coffees. "How've you been? Did you have a good Thanksgiving?"

"Not as good as _you_ guys," Alex said promptly. Steph cleared her throat and made room on the table for the box Sebastian was carrying.

Sebastian blushed a little at Alex's comment but didn't say anything about it.

"Ours was...interesting," Sebastian said, looking at Kurt.

Having Kurt in therapy had really helped. Talking through the events of the weekend had been easier with Kurt by his side, and being able to discuss things openly with Kurt had been cathartic. Kurt also talked openly with him about how he was feeling and Sebastian now felt they had a new level of understanding between them. And then, there was the actual reason they had brought donuts.

"Did you have fun with your parents, Kurt?" Steph asked.

"Yes! It was great, thank you. At first I was afraid it was going to be awkward, you know, ‘parents meeting for the first time'...but it wasn't at all." Kurt vividly remembered when his dad and Carole had met Blaine's parents. Mr Anderson had talked down to his dad throughout the entire evening and Mrs Anderson's disapproval of Carole had been apparent from the start. Kurt was eternally grateful that Marc and Paul had been more welcoming. But then, maybe they were just genuinely nicer people. 

"Dad got to watch the football, Carole and I found some amazing bargains on Black Friday...oh, and Paul's cooking is to die for!"  

"That sounds great," Steph said, beaming. "We had a family gathering as well. My dad came over from Canada!"

"Wow!" Kurt let out. "Did he just come over to see you and your sister, or your mom as well?"

"My mom as well. Everyone was there," Steph replied. "Me, Alex, Caroline, Ben, Bonnie, my mom, my dad...it was a bit _surreal_ , but nice. I think he really meant it last summer when he said he wanted to make more of an effort to get back in touch with all of us. He and my mom stayed up real late talking…"

"Mmm...so do you think…?" Kurt suggested, waggling his eyebrows. 

Steph quickly shook her head. "Oh, no, no. I don't think so. But they're _talking_ , and that's more than they've done the last ten years, so...it's a start."

The bell of the coffee shop door sounded, and Alex quickly reached for another donut. 

"Hey guys, sorry we're late, what did we miss?" Brody asked. Behind him, Alice gestured at her wrist watch, then at Brody, and rolled her eyes.

"Nothin'," Alex said with his mouth full. He quickly chewed and swallowed.

"Oh, donuts!" Alice said, sitting down. She winked at Steph. "Nice!"

"Nuh-uh," Steph replied, shaking her head. "They're Seb and Kurt's."

"Oh!" Alice gave them a surprised once-over. "Wow."

Kurt sighed. "Thank you. Now that everyone has expressed their congratulations on our sex life, can we maybe move on?"

"Hey, _you_ brought the donuts!" Alex protested. 

Sebastian rolled his eyes and took his own donut. He picked it apart and ate it slowly, stalling for time.

They'd talked about whether to tell their friends about Whittle and decided it would be best to get it out in the open. If it went to trial Sebastian would be called as a witness, and they would find out anyway. Besides, they were their friends. 

Part of him wanted to wait, and enjoy their day together...but the other part of him thought he might explode if he didn't say something now.

"You okay, Seb?" Alice asked.

Sebastian nodded and reached for Kurt's hand. "Did you all see the news the last couple of days?" he asked.

Steph frowned. "Not with that much attention, why?"

Brody exchanged glances with Alice before looking at Sebastian. "There was this big thing about about a child pornography bust…" he started carefully. "Was that hard for you?"

Sebastian looked at him and after a moment, dawning comprehension appeared across Brody's face. "Oh god."

"The um...guy that they arrested...w-was one of the guys who attacked _me_ when I was sixteen," Sebastian said slowly.

Alice gasped. "They got him! Oh my god! That's amazing!"

Alex grinned. No wonder they had a little private party after that news. "Alright! That guy's going _down_!" He made a wild slam-dunk motion with his arm.

"He will, won't he?" Steph asked, a little less sure than her boyfriend.

Kurt squeezed Sebastian's hand. " _Yes_ ," he said. "Sebastian already gave the police his statement."

Sebastian let out a puff of breath and offered them a small smile. "I went to the police station with Marc on Friday. They said that with the statement and..." He swallowed, "...the other evidence from the bust...It should be enough to put him away for a very long time. They're still looking for the other three."

"They'll get them," Alice said. "If they got the first guy..." 

Brody kissed her cheek and whispered something in her ear. Alice nodded. 

"So were the police more professional this time?" Brody asked, sipping his coffee.

Sebastian smirked as he remembered. "To start with, _no_...the guy who 'interviewed' me last time was at the front desk and didn't want to cooperate...but Marc caused a fuss and the chief overheard. He was lovely and listened and took me seriously, and then an FBI agent came down-"

"Wow, the feds are on this?" Alex cut in, looking excited. "Was it like in the movies, when they sweep in and take over, and the cops get all grumpy?"

Sebastian grinned. "The Captain seemed to get along with her, and so did I...She was awesome. She's going to keep us posted with the case." He paused.

"I might have to be called as a witness in the trial...but if it means Whittle goes down, I'll do it."

"We'll all be there!" Alice let out, then gave it some more thought. "If...if you want us to, of course."

Kurt felt his heart go out to her. She was really trying very hard.

Sebastian smiled at her. "Thank you. I'll let you know." The thought had already occurred to him, but he hadn't been able to make up his mind yet if he wanted anyone there. It meant a lot to him that they would be willing to come, but he wasn't sure he wanted to expose them to all the details. Most of all, he wanted to protect them from the knowledge that his attack had been captured on film. He had seen what it had done to Marc and Paul.

"Now," Sebastian said. "Let's talk about something happy, please?"

"Oh!! I got new pictures of Bonnie!" Steph said excitedly, whipping out her phone.

"Ooooh show me!" Alice squeaked.

" _And_ that's my queue to buy another round," Brody said standing up.

Kurt and Sebastian laughed at their friend's awkwardness. Kurt noticed that Alex hadn't moved. Normally, if the topic turned too ‘girlie', Alex and Brody stuck together and disappeared until it was over. He smiled and nudged Alex gently with his foot. "It doesn't frighten you that much anymore?" he asked neutrally, nodding at Steph.

Alex blushed a little and shrugged. "Well, we _are_ getting married…" he said. "It's par for the course...and Bonnie _is_ really adorable. She's so clever, I didn't know babies could already _do_ so much stuff, you know? I thought they just slept and pooped all day."

Sebastian grinned at him. "Alex wants to be a dad-dy..." he teased in sing-song.

"What?! No!!" Alex protested. "I just- Bonnie's-" He sighed. "No, really. Not yet, okay?" he said softly. "We're not married yet, we're still in school and...there's plenty of time. But I know it'll happen one day and that doesn't scare me like it used to." To mask his nerves about the topic, he quickly added:  "And the _practising_ is fun, if you know what I mean…"

"Dude, we _always_ know what you mean," Sebastian grinned.

"Yeah, no details, please," Kurt teased.

Alex's smile turned sheepish. "Speaking of no details...You guys seem good," he offered, nodding at the donuts. "I'm happy for you."

Sebastian smiled at him and placed a hand on Kurt's back, stroking him gently.

"Thanks, we're...getting there."

"Well, keep on trying," Alex said, making a show of taking the last donut and raising it up to them in a salute. "You might make a baby too!"

Kurt chuckled. Some days he still couldn't believe how his New York friends were so relaxed around him, his sexuality, and the idea of him being physically intimate with someone. Where were these kinds of people when he had needed them in high school?

"We're taking it day by day," he said, and Alex snorted.

"Lucky bastards. We're more on a weekend-by-weekend kind of- _Ow_!" Alex looked at Steph and reached down to rub his shin. "What? They're my boys, I can tell them!" he objected.

"Alright everyone," Brody said setting the tray down. "Lattes," Steph, and Kurt reached for a latte each. "One Chai Latte for my girl," Alice blew him a kiss and reached for her drink. "French press for Seb, a cappuccino for Alex. They ran out of pumpkin spice, sorry dude." 

"Aww," Alex grumbled, frowning. 

"It'll be gingerbread spices soon anyway, and they are nearly identical," Kurt consoled him. "Cinnamon, cloves-"

"Shhhhh! Don't tell me what's in it!" Alex said quickly. "Don't ruin the christmas magic."

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again and took a sip from his coffee.

Sebastian took his french press and settled back in his seat. He sipped the warm drink and hummed happily as it warmed him through. He watched his friends bicker and laugh and smiled. He was so lucky to have them.

"You okay?" Kurt asked quietly. 

Sebastian looked at him and smiled. "Yes, I am...are you?"

"Yes," Kurt said whole-heartedly, putting his head on Sebastian's shoulder. There was no place he'd rather be. 


	35. The Benefit Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December 1st is upon them, and it's time for the benefit at Satire.

Kurt checked his watch and looked out over the main room. He let out a deep breath, then checked his watch again. Patrons had been queuing up for over two hours; the last of the regular tickets all sold out days ago, and yet a lot of people had shown up in hopes of getting their hands on a last minute ticket.

Information stands had been set up along the walls. Each stand housed information on a different topic, from HIV advice to support for victims of sexual and domestic violence. There was also a 'Support Hillary' stand with a representative from the campaign. A stage had been erected opposite the bar.

All around him people were moving; setting up the angle of the lights, sound-testing the speakers and microphones and running in and out of the staff room, which had been set up as the dressing room.

Despite his outside appearance, Kurt was far from calm. As he had had the biggest hand in organising the benefit, a lot of responsibility lay on his shoulders. People were looking to him for just about everything; from misplaced wigs to water bottle refills, flight information and taxi fares. Everyone had apparently forgotten that he was a performer like everyone else, with a costume to get into, nerves to steady and lines to rehearse.

He checked his watch again, and scrolled through all the messages on his phone.

Sebastian moved through the crowd of performers and stage crew towards Kurt, a bottle of water in his hand. He moved carefully so as to not brush up too close to anyone, but his nerves in crowds had been greatly dampened by the capture of Charles Whittle.

He reached Kurt and put his hand over his boyfriend's phone, pushing it down. "Drink," he instructed, handing Kurt the bottle of water.

"Thanks, but I'm not-" Kurt started on auto-pilot, waving him off. Then he met Sebastian's eyes and sighed.

"Thank you," he said again, more warmly this time, and accepted the bottle. He took a large sip and sighed, only now realising how parched he had been.

His phone buzzed under Sebastian's hand and Kurt made a soft, stressed sound in the back of his throat.

"Breathe," Sebastian instructed. "They can wait five minutes. You have to sing too and what kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't remind you that forgetting the correct pre-performance prep can have disastrous ends?"

He grinned and winked at Kurt.

"A very _bad_ boyfriend," Kurt said playfully. "Which you are _not_. Thank you for looking after me." He stepped closer and kissed Sebastian's lips.

"It's a madhouse in the staff room," he added. "Nick and Jeff are still not here, Wes is about to blow a fuse, Christoff has sprained his ankle and Mercedes is constantly on the phone with her boyfriend even though she had promised to help me get everyone into their outfits. I mean, I _get_ it, she and Shane are back together and it's new and wonderful but I could really use her help back there." Kurt sighed. "I haven't seen her in such a long time. I don't want to blow it with her..."

Sebastian placed his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "Breathe," he said again. "And tell me what you need _me_ to do?"

Kurt considered it. "Talk to Wes? From Captain to Council head? Tell him it's not the guys' fault their plane was delayed, and that they'll make it? And I'll get Christoff some ice and then figure out the rest. The doors will open soon."

He paused. "Also...another kiss would be nice?"

Sebastian smiled and smoothed his hands down Kurt's arms to take his hands. "Now _that_ I can do."

He pulled Kurt towards him and kissed him slowly, holding the touch for as long as he could before needing air.

"Better?"

"Yes, much," Kurt mumbled. Somehow, with Sebastian around, he knew it was going to be okay. He smiled. "I think Joe will be happy with what we set up. And with the place booked, it'll be good for the foundation _and_ the club. But most of all, I just want Joe to like it." He paused.

"Maybe one day I'll do something like this for Finn, too. Probably a bit less _gay_ , but you know..." He grinned.

Sebastian grinned and kissed him again, briefly this time. "Joe will love it. I don't know how you managed to pull it off with everything else that's been going on, but you're amazing and tonight will be amazing too. Now go; leave Wes and the Warblers to me."

-

"Well, you could have looked that up earlier!" Wes said loudly into his phone while unzipping the plastic clothes cover off a jacket. "I put all the relevant subway and bus routes up in the Warbler forum _weeks_ ago! And punctuality above all things is an important-"

He lowered his phone with a frown. As he saw Sebastian coming, he held it up like it was visual proof of his group's insubordinance. "He hung up on me! Jeff just hung up on me!"

Sebastian bit his lip to hide a smirk. "Jeff was never known for his subtlety. Did they say where they are?"

"They've just gotten through airport security and are trying to get on the subway, but they can't work out which one to get." Wes rolled his eyes.

"Which airport?"

"JFK."

Sebastian nodded and whipped out his phone to text Jeff. "It'll be easier for them to get a cab at this time, it'd take them almost an hour to get across the city by subway."

"An hour!? We don't have an hour! We still have rehearsal and they won't be dressed yet...!" Wes sighed. "I honestly don't understand how those two ever managed to graduate at all."

"That's why I just told Jeff to get a cab," Sebastian said calmly. "They'll be here in twenty minutes. Which gives you enough time to calm down before they get here _and_ there will still be enough time to rehearse. You're not due on stage till later."

He looked at Wes. "I told Kurt to put your set in the second half, in case something like this happened."

Wes nodded, clearly already compiling a mental list of other things that needed doing. "Good thinking, Sebastian. I can see why the guys voted for you, though why they abandoned the triumvirate I still cannot understand. It _worked_."

"It worked with _you_ at the helm because you're good at keeping order. Those were some big shoes to fill, you know? After you left and- _Blaine_ transferred," Sebastian swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth at the name, "the guys that were left turned desperate and it all fell apart."

Wes shook his head. "I can't believe how wrong we were about Blaine. All of us. I really believed he'd take us to Nationals. But to leave just like that, over- no offence, Sebastian, I know you two are together now, but...a _high school sweetheart?_  I never quite believed that. I think he saw an opportunity to take over McKinley's Glee club and jumped ship, using Kurt as an excuse."

His facial expression made clear what he thought about that. "I don't know how often I told the boys to keep their personal lives out of Warbler business."

Sebastian shook his head. "I don't know what his motives were initially. I think he _believed_ that he loved Kurt...but he's so unhinged I don't even think he's capable of feeling love. He's _sick_ ," he spat. "He controls and manipulates everyone around him...and honestly, he can't even sing that well."

Wes shook his head. "He's fine within his range, but after Kurt arrived, he kept pushing his voice and performance further like he had something to prove. I warned him about it in private before I graduated, but then he ended up transferring...huh." He looked up, a little bewildered. "Maybe _that's_ why he transferred. He never did take criticism well."

He took another look at his phone. "But you're right. He does seem rather unstable lately. Did you see the things he wrote about this club on the Warbler forum? I had to block him in the end."

Sebastian shook his head. "I have him blocked - and I'm pretty sure he has me blocked too - so I don't see anything he posts. It's better for my relationship that way."

"Ah. Right. Well, as I understand it, he wasn't invited to the benefit - and since Kurt is organising it, I didn't question why. Once he saw that we were using the forum to plan it, however, Blaine started occupying our threads with rude comments...mostly about this place-" Wes nodded at the club, "but also about Kurt."

His expression darked. "I may not be a council member anymore, but I _am_ an admin on the forum so I reminded him about how I expect the Warblers, alumni or not, to behave. It ended in me blocking him for three months."

Sebastian folded his arms and nodded. "Thank you. Though, off the record, it'd be great if you could dispel him permanently...I'd love to do it, but as he technically wasn't ever one of _my_ Warblers my authority runs dry."

Wes frowned and stepped closer, leaning in. "What- and I understand if you can't answer, but what did he _do?_ From the comments he made about Kurt, I gather they didn't part on good terms, but what exactly happened?"

Sebastian huffed out a breath. "In short, he gaslighted and emotionally abused Kurt for _years,_ turned all of his friends against him and tried to turn his own family against him too...and after Kurt and I got together, he attacked Kurt, right here in this very room."

Wes narrowed his eyes. "Blaine _attacked_ him?" he repeated. He looked around as if he was trying to picture it himself. His concerns about the benefit and Nick and Jeff faded to the background. "Tell me more about this."

Sebastian started to explain. He started with the things he'd seen with his own eyes, and worked backwards over the things he now knew had happened in the past. The longer Sebastian spoke, the darker Wes's expression got.

"I think I've heard enough," he finally said. "This will have consequences."

Sebastian nodded and held his hand out to Wes. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me; thank _you_ for picking up the mantle." Wes took Sebastian's hand and shook it.

Sebastian smiled and opened his mouth to say something else when the door crashed open and Nick, Jeff, Trent, David and Thad tumbled through it.

Sebastian and Wes dropped their hands to stare at the five men that had just appeared. There was a split second of silence before Wes exploded.

"Where the _hell_ have you been?"

"Uh, you told us to wait for Nick and Jeff at the entrance, but we went outside for a bit and got to talking to some guys there and it turned out they were in a band and then-" David started.

"I _told_ you we should have gone inside straight away," Trent said, eying Wes and Sebastian a little nervously.

"Chill out, Trent, we're not in school anymore," Nick said, and Jeff snickered.

"There's loads of people outside!" he added enthusiastically.

"Yes," Wes replied, "which is why we need to get ready! I will not go out there looking like a fool." He took in Jeff and Nick's appearance. "You _flew_ in your performance clothes?"

Jeff shrugged. "Thought it might save time." He picked some invisible lint off his sleeve and straightened his tie.

"Plus we had no idea how to fold the jackets," Nick admitted.

Wes rolled his eyes.

"It's okay though," Jeff added, popping a few buttons on his dress shirt to pull it aside. "I am also already wearing my outfit for the rest of the party." He winked at Sebastian and showed him the metallic shimmer of a mesh shirt underneath.

Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly. "You'll fit right in - you won't _believe_ some of the clothes people wear here."

"I can't wait!" Jeff started.

"But _first_ _,"_ Wes interrupted. "We need to _practice_. It's been years since we performed together!"

"Feeling a bit rusty, Wes?" Thad teased. "You already made us watch the old vids, I'm sure we all did our homework. We know the songs. It should just be a matter of custom-fitting the choreography to the stage and our group, right?"

"Seriously, you guys drilled us so much it'd be harder to _forget_ them," Trent muttered, nodding at Wes and Sebastian. "Every time _Soul Sister_ plays on the radio, I turn into Pavlov's dog and start doing a side-step."

"Is he calling us _dogs_?" Jeff whispered into David's ear. He snorted.

"Well Jeff, if the collar fits," Sebastian grinned. "If I remember right you, Nick and Thad were quite fond of puppy piles back in school." Sebastian looked at Jeff and the other two, waggling his eyebrow a little.

Jeff growled at him playfully.  
  
Trent gave Sebastian a grateful look for the save. Back in school, when he still had his math and grammar grades to hold over their heads, the other boys tended to leave Trent alone because they needed him as their tutor; since graduation, their tightly knit group had unravelled a bit and he had started feeling like a loose thread.

Sebastian nodded at him reassuringly.

"Alright, then let's all get dressed and go through the steps; we can mark off a part of this room in the size of the stage," Wes suggested, snapping back into his old role with ease. Then, he hesitated and looked at Sebastian. "Unless...you?" He gestured at the group invitingly.

Sebastian smiled and held up his hands. "Please," he said softly. "It's your performance."

Wes nodded gratefully and turned back to the group. He snapped his fingers. "Move."

-

With Sebastian taking Wes and the Warblers off his hands, Kurt had time to help Christoff into ankle-supporting platform boots, arrange backstage refreshments for the band, and give Alex directions to the nearest parking area. Then, just as he was about to tackle the next issue, Kurt saw Mercedes hang up her phone. _Breathe_ , he could hear his boyfriend's voice in his mind, and he did so, and walked over to her.

"Everything okay?" Mercedes was still gazing at the called picture on her phone with little hearts in her eyes.

"Hmm?" she asked a little breathlessly. "Oh yes, sorry, Shane was just wishing me good luck...how are you?"

"Me? Oh, fine, fine," Kurt said airily, "you know, losing my mind, but _fine_ …" He rolled his eyes. "Organised chaos. I bet it's like this on tour too, right? Only you probably get more routine after a while..."

"Oh no, trust me," Mercedes said. "It's always chaos...I'm sorry I haven't been much help." She looked at him guiltily. "It's really great to see you though, it's been way too long!"

"It has," Kurt agreed. "But we really loved following your tour on Instagram! It kind of felt like we were there too!" He couldn't help but slip into couple-pronouns. He had watched all the tour clips and stories with Sebastian, who was a lot nicer about Mercedes now they were no longer on opposing choirs.

 _" We,_ huh?" Mercedes grinned. "Things still going well with you two then?"

Kurt pressed his lips together and nodded. Sebastian had chosen not to confide in any of their friends outside Alex, Alice, Steph and Brody, so all Mercedes knew was that they'd had an altercation at the bar.

"We're going to be spending Christmas in Ohio with my dad and Carole, and Sebastian's dads." He smiled at the thought of that. "They're here tonight, if you want to meet them later."

"I'd love to," Mercedes said cordially.

"So, you and Shane, huh?" Kurt continued, hooking his arm into hers to lead her to the wardrobe section of the staff room. "I couldn't help but notice he is always the first to like all of your posts…"

Mercedes smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, we met up again over Thanksgiving. I was home for the holiday and so was he. You know our families go to the same church...we bumped into each other there and went for a coffee and..." she closed her eyes. "It's just kinda gone from there."

"I approve," Kurt said formally. "You were always good together. And Sam won't be a distraction anymore...have you heard? He and his _boyfriend_ will be here tonight too..."

Mercedes eyes widened. " _No,_ I hadn't heard!! You've been withholding vital gossip again! _Boyfriend?_ "

"Oh my god! I thought everyone had heard by now! Well, they met at Sebastian's birthday party..."

As Kurt filled her in and helped her into her dress, it was like they were back at the school lockers exchanging McKinley gossip. He loved it. Talking to Mercedes instantly made him feel at home.

-

"Okay, things are all set backstage," Kurt announced, coming up to Sebastian and Joe. They were at the bar; Sebastian already in a Satire apron, and Joe looking unusually formal. "Oh, Joe, looking smart there!" Kurt cocked his head. He cleaned up nicely.

Joe brushed his hand down the vest he was wearing. "Thanks. Be sure to tell Lisa that, she made me wear it."

"I will," Kurt said with a smile, accepting the apron Sebastian held out to him.

"Here's your chance," Sebastian said, holding up his hand to wave at someone coming up behind Kurt.

Kurt turned and saw two attractive women walk over. He immediately recognised them from the pictures on Joe's desk.  

"Hello ladies," Joe greeted them with hugs and kisses. "Sebastian, you've met Lisa and Kate before," Sebastian nodded and greeted the women with a peck on their cheeks. They exchanged a few kind words. "Kurt, this is my wife Lisa and our daughter Kate. Girls, this is Kurt, one of our other bartenders and Sebastian's partner. "

"Hi!" Kurt said enthusiastically, offering them his hand. "It's so nice to finally meet you. Lisa, I love the vest you picked for Joe. He should wear it more often. It's a lot classier than his accountant threads."

" _Hey_ ," Joe warned him, though he was also smiling a little.

Kurt chuckled and turned to Kate admiringly. "And that's a Comptoir jacket, isn't it? Their cuts are amazing."

"It is," Kate said, pleased and bashful at the same time. "Last year's collection though."

"It's timeless," Kurt assured her. "You can wear that until it falls apart."

"Good," Joe commented, "because it cost a bloody fortune. And she already had several black jackets so I don't see-"

" _Dad_ ," Kate shut him up effectively.

"You'd like my dad, Joe," Kurt said, grinning. "I think you two have a lot in common."

Lisa watched them talk with an amused expression. "I think we should let the boys get to work now, Kate," she said after the exchange. "We'll go do the social round with the other bar widows."

Kurt frowned. "The what?"

Lisa smiled. "The spouses... the ones who sit at home and pine until their better halves come home in the early morning..." She winked at Joe.

"Good thing we work together, huh babe?" Sebastian nudged Kurt's hip with his. Kurt nudged back and they laughed, before leaning in for a kiss.

"Ey! Would you lovebirds quit fooling around? I need you behind the bar. Doors will be opening soon," Danny said, throwing a towel at Sebastian.

"Yeah, yeah," Sebastian muttered mock-grumpily. "I thought this was supposed to be a party."

"The party in your pants can wait, Seb. We got work to do," Danny teased.

"Who promoted _him?_ Joe? Did you make Danny our boss?" Kurt asked playfully.

"Not yet, but I might, if he can keep you boys in check," Joe replied.

"So all we have to do for that not to happen is misbehave?" Sebastian said with a grin and a leer. "Challenge accepted!"

"Get out of it!" Joe said, reaching up to clap him round the back of the head.

Sebastian ducked and laughed, grabbing Kurt's hand and tugging him towards the bar. Tonight was going to be fun.


	36. The Benefit Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's showtime at the benefit.

"Wow, this place is amazing!" Alex said as they walked through the double doors into Satire. Despite being friends with Kurt and Sebastian; Alex, Steph, Alice and Brody had had to wait with the rest of the crowd to be admitted. 

"It is!" Alice agreed. "I can't believe we've never been here." 

"Well, it's not like Seb or Kurt ever visited me at _my_ work," Alex countered.

"You drive a Sprinkles delivery truck. How would that even _work?"_ Brody chimed in. 

"Details..." Alex said, and he looked around. "Do you think Seb will be able to get us a few free cocktails?" 

"It's a benefit for _charity,_  Al," Alice reminded him. "You're supposed to _spend_ money. Besides, the ticket says one drink is included." 

"Alright! I want one of those cocktails with a whole fruit salad on top!" Alex said enthusiastically. At the look on his friends' faces, he shrugged. "What? Peckish. _You_ brought up Sprinkles." 

Alice turned to Steph. "I can't wait to see Kurt and Sebastian's old school choir! Uniforms are _so_ hot..."

"Well, they're all graduates," Brody said. "I doubt they'll have school uniforms on." 

"Oh..." Alice's shoulders dropped. 

"It'll still be good to see them!" Steph said. "I can see Seb behind the bar, c'mon." 

They made their way through the crowd towards the bar where Sebastian, Marc and Danny were tending. 

Sebastian saw them coming and smiled. "Hey," he said, topping off the drink he was making with a spirallised orange peel. 

"Hey man," Alex said. "This place is amazing!" 

Sebastian grinned at him. "We do our best. What can I get you guys?" 

"Something fruity!" Alex exclaimed loudly, holding up his free-drink coupon. A man next to them turned to face him with a frown. Alex blushed. "I meant _with fruit,"_   he added shyly. 

"Coke," Brody said, holding up his hand. He had an audition tomorrow and wanted to be fresh for it. 

"Bio-" Alice started, but at the subtle shake of Sebastian's head, changed her order to "...alcopop?" 

"Surprise me," Steph said, grateful that she was finally able to drink. 

Sebastian nodded and started work on their drinks. He produced a bottle of coke and a cherry flavoured alcopop for Brody and Alice and then started on the cocktails for Alex and Steph. 

He was finally starting to get his groove back with his flairtending and showed it off now by pulling off a couple throws. 

"He's amazing, isn't he?" Steph sighed, looking at Sebastian. 

"He is," Alice agreed. 

"I taught him all he knows," Marc said, passing by. 

"Oh really?" Alice replied. "Because Kurt said a lot of their tricks came from YouTu-" 

"Baby, I was doing these _years_ before YouTube was invented!" Marc said, flipping a bottle up in the air. 

Alice blushed and sipped her drink through the straw. She liked Marc, but she got the feeling that he still hadn't quite forgiven her for her behaviour towards Sebastian and Kurt after Sebastian's attack. 

She watched as Marc rolled the bottle around his wrist and threw it to Sebastian. "Well, you are all really impressive," she said. "I can't even catch my keys, let alone a heavy glass bottle." 

"You have other redeeming qualities," Brody whispered, brushing her hair aside and kissing her cheek. It made Alice feel a lot better.

Sebastian placed two beautifully decorated cocktails down on the bar for Steph and Alex and cashed everyone's vouchers.

-

The room gradually filled over the next hour and with everyone wanting to claim their free drink, there wasn't a lot of time for Sebastian to talk to his friends.

Finally, the mad first rush ended and as Sebastian handed over his last order, the music died and the lights went down. Everyone applauded as a spotlight flashed on, illuminating the stage.

Joe and Kurt stepped into the light. Joe blinked rapidly, holding his hand up a little as if he was shielding his eyes from the sun. The lights were bright and there were _so many_ people. He was both thrilled that it was so popular, and terrified about speaking to them all. He didn't do public speaking very well.

Nervously he glanced at Kurt next to him. He looked so calm and confident. It somehow calmed Joe down and he regained a little of his composure.

Steph observed Kurt up on the stage and smiled, turning to look fondly at Sebastian. She said, "this is his thing, isn't it? He feels right at home." 

Sebastian looked up at Kurt and smiled. "Yes, he does...he was born to be in the spotlight." 

Joe motioned for everyone to settle down, and raised his microphone. 

"Alright. Um. Hello," he said, a little awkwardly, holding the microphone against his lips so it rustled with his breath. Kurt stepped up and pulled Joe's hand a little further away from his lips, whispering something only Joe could hear. He nodded gratefully and tried again. 

"Yeah. Hi. I'm Joe Douglas, you guys probably know me, I'm the owner of this establishment.. I'll, uh, do a speech later on. For now, I just wanna say, welcome to everyone, out here and backstage...I'm glad you're all here. I hope we'll all have a good time... Um, some general things about safety: emergency exits are over there; and we have three panic button stations, they're like fire alarms; one's by the bar, the others are on the walls marked by the red lights…" He cleared his throat. 

"He's not a very practised public speaker, is he?" Alex whispered to Sebastian, but before he could reply, Joe continued, his voice a little stronger and surer of himself now. 

"And I just want to remind you that even though everything looks a bit different here tonight, with the stalls and the stage, our house rules remain the same: no sex on the premises-" 

Somebody wolf-whistled and a few people _awwwwed_ loudly, but Joe looked very stern so they quieted down quickly. 

"-and _no one_ harrasses my employees. I'm serious. In the light of recent developments I cannot stress that enough. This is not a three-strikes-and-you're-out thing." Joe raised a finger. "It's one strike - and _I call the police."_

For a moment, no one in the audience spoke. Then, they started applauding. 

Sebastian clapped along with everyone else, but slower, taking in what Joe had said. He knew that Joe took their safety seriously, but to hear him address the audience like that was enough to heal another tiny crack inside of him. 

Sebastian felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked around at Marc. "I'm okay," he said honestly. 

Marc squeezed his shoulder. "You sure?" 

Sebastian smiled and nodded. "Yeah, thanks dad." 

"Anyway," Joe called through the microphone and Sebastian and Marc turned to the stage again. "Now that we got the formalities out of the way, I'd like to hand you over to Kurt. It's thanks to him that we've got such a great line-up for you this evening, so give him some love! Here you go, Kurt." 

Everyone started clapping - Alice whistled on two fingers - as Kurt took over the mic from Joe. 

"Thanks, Joe. Hi, everyone! My name is Kurt Hummel and I am a bartender here at Satire." 

"KUUURT!" someone called out, and whistled. Kurt was pretty sure it was Alex. 

"Some of you might have already seen a few videos of our performers on the club's Twitter or Facebook - and if you haven't you'll find our handles on the menus and business cards at the bar- and, by the way, _likes_ to our page or tagged club selfies are free shots from a bartender of your choice-" 

Kurt raised an eyebrow, offered his audience a mischievous look and tapped his chest, as if he knew _he_ was everyone's favourite bartender, before continuing. 

"We have a killer show for you tonight. Later on, we'll get to rock out to New York's own Starchild, the lovely Aquamarine is here to treat us all to a _fabulous_ burlesque show, and we have a special one-night-only alumni reunion of Ohio's all-boy acapella choir the Dalton Academy Warblers. _I_ might have a few songs up my sleeve as well…" He winked at the crowd and flashed them a grin. They applauded and whistled again. "But we'll start our evening off with an outstanding performer who took a break from her US tour as a special favour to me, my very dear friend: Mercedes Jones!" 

The audience applauded and the intro to _Born This Way_ started playing. Kurt took a little bow and switched off his microphone, making room for Mercedes and two backup dancers they had recruited from NYADA's dance majors. 

Kurt made his way towards the bar and Sebastian held the hatch open for him. "Good speech," he said. "I thought Joe was going to have a panic attack!" 

Kurt smiled and kissed Sebastian's cheek. "Thanks. He's so nervous. It's really not his thing. I helped him with his speech for later, too." He shrugged. "All those classes on self-presentation at NYADA had to be good for _something,_ right?" 

Marc nodded, half-distracted by Mercedes on stage. "She's _really_ good," he mumbled, as the Lady Gaga song faded out and fused into _Somewhere Over the Rainbow._

Sebastian looked up at the stage and made a noise of agreement. Mercedes really was good. She had the vocal talent and stage persona that had the entire club captivated. Sebastian knew without a doubt that she would make it in her career. 

"She's gonna fill the world with her music," Sebastian said. "I can't believe I ever used to criticise her." 

"You were jealous and threatened by her talent," Kurt said offhandedly. "We have that effect on people." 

Marc snorted. _"We,_  huh?" 

"Oh yes," Kurt continued. "The underdogs of the school choir. They all said we were never gonna make it. But tell me, where are our soloists now? Rachel flunked out, Santana is doing god knows what- or who- and Blaine's in therapy. Meanwhile Mercedes got a record deal and I'm graduating from NYADA next summer." He shrugged. "Who are the underdogs now?" 

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt from behind and kissed his shoulder. "You're going to take the world by storm, babe...and I will stand by your side as you do," he added proudly. 

Kurt hugged Sebastian's arms tighter around himself and they listened to Mercedes some more. Kurt enjoyed her version of _Let It Go_ more than he had Rachel's, but that was no surprise. As she started her last song, Kurt disentangled himself. 

"I promised Christoph I'd help with his costume," he explained, "and I have to get changed, too." 

"I can't wait to hear you sing again," Steph said. "What will you be doing?" 

"Just wait and see," Kurt said mysteriously and winked at her. He kissed Sebastian's cheek, and left the bar, heading towards the backstage area.

Sebastian watched after Kurt for a moment and then turned back to his friends, checking if their drinks were still filled up.

"How you doing, Seb?" Brody asked. 

Sebastian smiled at him. "I'm doing okay, thanks...how are you?" 

"Domesticated," he joked, nodding at Alice, who was stealing fruit from Alex's cocktail while he was kissing Steph. "And I like it. Want my man-card? It's yours." 

Alice heard Brody speak and hit him in the chest. 

"Ow," he said rubbing the spot. "See what I mean?" he added looking at Sebastian. 

Sebastian laughed. "Maybe you should hold on to it," he said shaking his head. 

"You know I hate jokes like that," Alice mumbled, even though she knew Brody was only kidding. No one was forcing him to do anything, and joking about being less masculine if he enjoyed an equal partnership pissed her off. Her mother had raised her to be a feminist, and had not named her after the rebellious daughter of Theodore Roosevelt for nothing. 

"What's good here?" someone said behind them. They turned around in their seats and saw Paul standing behind them, wearing a zebra-striped shirt. 

"Not the dress-code, clearly," Marc remarked. 

Paul put a hand over his heart. "Hello to you too, love of my life. I make the effort to go home and change after work...and _this_ is the thanks I get?" 

Marc closed his eyes and let out a huff of laughter, shaking his head. 

"At least you left the tiger print pants at home..." 

"Wait, what?" Sebastian laughed. "I think Kurt has a hippo brooch to go with that." 

Paul cocked his head. "Kurt and I _understand_ each other. I'm sure he will like it. I'll show him when it's back from the dry-cleaners." 

"Hey man, awesome shirt," Alex said, who had missed their conversation. "Very safari." 

Paul beamed at him. 

"Don't encourage him!" Marc pointed his finger at Alex in warning. 

Mercedes finished her song, bowed and left the stage. The music changed and the next artist stepped onto stage, catching everyone's attention. 

"Now _that_ is an outfit!" Paul said, his mouth dropping open slightly. 

Aquamarine had taken her place on the stage. She wore a long sequined gown with a mermaid trail, glittering in greens and blues in the stage lights, and a tall coiffed red wig with a tiara of blinking LED tube lights. The same fluorescent tubes snaked down her dress, blinking in turn from top to bottom, irresistibly drawing the viewers eyes down her hourglass figure. To complete the outfit, she wore glittering ankle boots with twelve inch plexiglass platform soles that looked as if they had a small aquarium inside. 

The sultry runs of Christina Aguilera filled the room. 

_"Underneath the city lights, there is a world few know about - where rules don't apply, no…and you can't keep a good girl...down..."_

For a moment, Aquamarine just vogued - taking a few striking poses, shifting her weight from foot to foot and jutting her hips out. But as the music started to pick up a beat, she stuck out a very long leg, took a hold of her skirt, and ripped off the trail exposing glittering fishnet tights, and started dancing for real, shimmying and jumping, dropping into squats and snaking back up. _("Don't need a sugar daddy, she can work it just fine - up on the table, she'll be dancing all night…_ ") 

Alex was staring at her with wide eyes, his drink forgotten. "How...what…" he mumbled in awe, his head cocked to the side. "How can she _dance_ in those heels?" 

"How can she even walk at all in them?" Steph added, equally awed. 

"And with a sprained ankle, at that," Sebastian commented, remembering how he'd seen Kurt glue gun one of Christoff's platform shoes back together after his fall earlier. "Performance adrenaline is like a natural painkiller." 

"This may be the sexiest thing I have ever seen," Alice whispered. 

Paul and Marc shared a look and smiled. "Shoes like that are actually surprisingly comfy," Paul said. 

Everyone looked at him. 

"What?" Paul asked innocently. "We've done our fair share of fancy dress in our day...any excuse to get these bad boys out." He put his leg up on the bar stool and ran a hand up from his calf to his thigh. "They really make your ass pop." 

Sebastian stared at him with wide eyes, unsure whether he should laugh or die from embarrassment at the idea of Marc and Paul dressed up in sexy burlesque style costumes. 

"Oh my god," he whispered. 

"I don't think I'd ever hear anyone's dad say that," Alex said. "My sympathies, Seb." He raised his cocktail in a salute. 

Marc just chuckled. He knew what Paul was referring to, and while it wasn't nearly as scandalous as he made it sound, Marc was enjoying their reaction. It would do the kids some good to be reminded that life did not end after thirty. 

They watched Aquamarine shimmy and strip through several Hollywood classic show tunes. Her style was nearly acrobatic, especially in the heels, and it left everyone breathless. The applause was thunderous. 

"Ohh, Kurt is up next, isn't he?" Steph asked excitedly, looking at Sebastian. 

Sebastian smiled at her and nodded. "He certainly is." 

"I've missed hearing him sing," Steph sighed. 

"Me too," Alice replied. 

"Me three," Paul chimed in. As the others gave him weird looks, he shrugged. "What? I've heard him sing. He lived with us, remember? He sang to the dogs when he thought no one else was listening." 

Brody grinned. Kurt _would_. "Have you ever seen him perform?" 

Paul shook his head. "Marc told me about the flairtending routines, but I've not had the pleasure, no." He looked at Sebastian. He'd never seen him perform either. Maybe one day he'd get that chance. 

Brody wanted to say something more, but the lights dimmed for a moment to announce a new act, and the spotlight went back on to reveal Kurt, dressed sharply in a city-printed vest and a bright red shirt. 

"Is that Moschino?" Paul mumbled admiringly, but none of his friends was able to answer that. 

"Hi again, it's me again, Kurt," he said, and waited for the audience to quiet down and give him their attention. "Whew, Aquamarine...that's a tough act to follow, I'll tell you that!" He mimed wiping sweat off his forehead. 

The audience laughed and applauded. 

"But I'm not here to toot my own horn anyway-" he waggled his eyebrows a little, reaping a few more laughs, "I am here to celebrate Bennie Douglas. I believe music says a lot about a person. Now me, I'm a Gaga." He made a claw with his hand and waited for his audience to quiet down again as they shouted their preferences. "And I asked Joe what kind of music his brother was into, so that even though he's no longer with us, we might all get to know him a little. Grab your eye shadow palette everyone, we're going on a little trip...into the _eighties!"_

 Multicoloured disco lights went on all around, and the unmistakable intro of Culture Club's iconic song started. _"I_ _s there loving in your eyes all the way? If I listened to your lies, would you say-_ " 

"Eeee! I _love_ this song!!" Alice let out, jumping up and down. Steph was already singing along loudly next to her.

Kurt looked completely in his element as he pranced around the stage with his microphone. This song was perfect for his voice and personality. Sebastian beamed with pride. 

Grainy snapshots of a young man in brightly patterned, oversized shirts were projected on the wall behind Kurt. A few of the pictures also featured a very young, moustache-sporting Joe by his side. The pictures flew, spun and zapped onto the screen animated like an old-time Power Point presentation, making it feel even more authentic. 

 _"I'm a man, without conviction. I'm a man who doesn't know, show to sell a contradiction, you come and go...you come and go..._ "

"EVERYONE!" Alex shouted loudly. "KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA CHAMELEOOOOOOOOON!" 

"Wow," Paul said staring up at Kurt. "He really does have it." 

"Owww yeah…" Alex said breathlessly. "That's my man Kurt." 

Marc raised an eyebrow and looked at Sebastian. 

Brody smirked. "He gets possessive about his friends' achievements," he explained. 

 _Karma Chameleon_ merged into David Bowie's _Modern Love_ and by now, the whole club was dancing. Kurt himself only did a simple side step, snapping his fingers to the beat, but it was like you could almost _see_ the large shoulder pads. Kurt Hummel did not do anything half-cocked. 

For the next song, it turned out the audience could get even _more_ enthusiastic. The organ tunes of _Walk of Life_ started, and Paul looked at Marc. 

"I'm gonna dance," he announced, snapping his fingers and blowing him a kiss. Marc looked after him longingly, wishing he could join in. 

" _Here comes Johnny singing oldies, goldies-_ " Kurt started, using his lower register, and Alex stopped and looked to Brody.

"Is that really Kurt singing?" he asked with a frown.

Brody nodded, looking pleased.

Sebastian felt the tug of something inside of him at Kurt's voice. _Yes_ , that was definitely Kurt singing.  

He noticed the longing look in Marc's eyes and bumped their hips together. "Go dance," Sebastian said. "Danny and I can man the bar for five minutes."

Marc looked between Sebastian and Danny, and as Danny nodded, Marc quickly took off his apron. "Thanks, guys. I owe you one."

He hurried to Paul and they started dancing together, swinging their arms a lot and taking energetic side steps.

"Is it just me, or do the eighties dance moves all look like aerobics class?" Alex asked, looking at them.

Brody grinned. "It's not just you. They even dressed like they were going to the gym, sweatbands and all!"

The song came to an end and Kurt took the center stage for his final song. The lighting changed to a dramatic spot.

 _"Sweet dreams are made of this..."_ he sang in a sultry voice, _"_ _who am I to disagree?"_  

"How does he do that?" Alex asked, leaning over the bar. "Sound different for each song?" 

Sebastian shook his head. "He's Kurt," he said simply. "I don't know how he does it...he just does." 

"Amen to that..." Alice was staring up at Kurt with wide, hungry eyes. 

"I'm right here, babe," Brody said, poking her in the side. 

Alice reached for his hand and squeezed it. She knew how he meant it, and they both knew there was no one between them. That didn't stop her from keeping her eyes fixed on Kurt, his beautiful tailored vest that showed off his impossible waist and the way he was twirling his hips. 

Kurt finished his song and took a bow. A visibly moved Joe came walking up to him, and wrapped him into a big hug. They exchanged a few words that the microphone did not pick up, and then Joe patted him on the shoulder and Kurt nodded. He handed Joe the microphone, showed him where to switch it on, and left the stage. 

Joe waited for the applause to quiet down. When it did, he offered his audience a brave smile. "That was Bennie in a nutshell," he confirmed, his voice a little rough. "But I want to tell you a little more about him now." 

He straightened his back and took a deep breath. "For those of you here who are my age-" he started, looking around the room, nodding at a few of his older friends, "I think it's safe to say we have _all_ lost someone to AIDS. A friend, a colleague, a neighbour...a family member, a partner-" He paused. "There was a time where, by the end of every month, we could strike out another name from our address books." 

He shook his head. "My baby brother Benjamin... _Bennie_ _;_ he lost many of his closest friends. People he went to school with; roommates, lovers. It was an awful time, no one knew where it came from or how it was contracted...people were scared. And when people get scared, they get _nasty_. The public already hated people like Bennie who were out and proud, and when the virus spread rapidly through the gay community, a lot of the public saw it as their dues, and turned the infected away. There was nowhere for them to go. They were shunned. Many of them had struggled coming out - only to have to go back into the closet about their status. Friends stopped calling, people were sacked from their jobs, families broken apart." 

"It was shortly after his own diagnosis that Bennie came to me. He knew what was going to happen to him. We all did. ‘I want to open a place for us,' he said. ‘A place where we can come and be ourselves; a safe place. A club without judgement or fear. Somewhere where everyone belongs, regardless of their status.' And I said - 'so who's gonna pay for this?' And he was like, _'You!'"_

Joe paused and grinned. Some people in the audience laughed. 

"He knew I could never refuse him anything. So we looked around and found this place-" He gestured at the room. "We got a license, and I taught Bennie how to tend bar...We opened only on weekends, because I still had my day job to finance everything. ‘I'll pay you back every cent, Joe,' he said. ‘When we start making money, I'll pay you back tenfold.'" Joe shook his head. It was clear that he was struggling to go on, but he made himself. 

"When Bennie got too sick to come in for work, I quit my other job. We had so many regulars and we were open every night...it was the logical thing to do. I figured, I would keep it running until Bennie got better, you know? We had stuff to do. We had _plans_. _"_

He looked around and swallowed. "The night Bennie died, he asked me what I was gonna do with the club when he was gone. I told him I was gonna do what I'd been doing all along. My job. So here I am, thirty years later, still doing my job. For Bennie, and for all of you. Thank you." 

Marc looked at Paul as Joe spoke. They were still standing in the dance floor, their hands linked, fingers entwined. 

The look on his husband's face told Marc that he was remembering each and every person that he'd lost. Back then, Marc had been too young to understand what had been going on, and having no one in his immediate circle affected by it, it had been easy to dismiss it as something ‘on the news'. 

Silently, Marc wrapped his arm around Paul's waist and rested his chin over his husband's shoulder. 

The lights went out and Joe left the stage. The audience broke into a slow clap. Marc could see a lot of love in the room - nearly everyone was holding hands or comforting someone. _This is what Bennie wanted,_ he realised. _A community_. 

There was a shuffling on stage and then silence. A blue spotlight went on over the stage, illuminating a group of young men wearing matching jackets. 

Everyone turned to the stage. Sebastian put his mixing cups down - he expected no drink orders during this song. 

" _It's been a long day without you, my friend, and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again_ _,"_   Wes sang, his clear voice carrying through the room with ease. _"We've come a long way from where we began and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."_

Kurt snuck down the back of the stage, still in his performance outfit. He didn't want to miss the Warblers singing. On his way to the bar, a few people recognised him and congratulated him on his set. He politely got rid of them, not wanting to draw attention away from his friends' performance. 

Another Warbler stepped forward. 

 _W_ _hy did you have to leave so soon - why did you have to go? Why did you have to leave me when I needed you the most?"_  

Thad's voice cut through Kurt's soul. He hadn't even been alive yet when Bennie died, but he knew _Joe,_ and he knew about losing a brother. The song made him tear up. He reached the bar and let himself through the little gate for staff members. Sebastian and Danny were both watching the stage. None of the patrons were ordering; the song, with its heartfelt lyrics, entranced everyone. 

Kurt walked up to Sebastian and stepped into his embrace. Without speaking, Sebastian knew what he needed and hugged him tightly. 

" _Cause I don't really know how to tell ya without feeling much worse - I know you're in a better place but it's always gonna hurt,"_ Wes sang. 

 _"Carry on-"_  Trent took over, _"_ _give me all the strength I need to carry on-"_ He carried the high notes admirably, and Kurt felt his heart soften a little. A year younger than his peers and misguided by his upbringing, Trent had made the wrong decisions, but he had grown and learned. 

The other Warblers stepped up, surrounding the soloists, and filled the room with layered harmonies. Kurt opened the little window in his soul and let it air out, allowing his tears to flow freely and be soothed by the promise the song held. They _would_ see their loved ones again, after this long day. 

Sebastian, who's been watching his friends up on stage, felt a damp patch on his shirt and looked down to see tears rolling down Kurt's face. 

He tightened his grip around his boyfriend.

He'd never really known Finn, but Sebastian knew that he and Kurt had been close. With all the talk about lost brothers it wasn't surprising that Kurt would be remembering him.

Sebastian presses a kiss to Kurt's forehead and hugged him close.

In the crowd, reactions were similar. Marc spotted Joe and his family by the side of the stage and pulled away from Paul. He nodded in Joe's direction and both men walked over to their friend. They hugged, exchanged a few private words, and Joe smiled through his tears.

Alice took Brody's hand. "I feel like we're trespassing a little," she said softly.

Brody shook his head. "Grief is pretty universal," he said.

 _"So let the light guide your way,"_ David sung up on the stage. _"_   _Hold every memory as you go.._."

 _"And every road you take_ _,"_ Trent picked up again, holding the high note, _"will always lead you home...home_ _."_

"Wow," Sebastian heard Alice whisper. "His voice is amazing." He smiled. Sebastian was glad he'd been given a lead role for the song.

Kurt burrowed himself closer into Sebastian's arms. _Home_. That was wherever Sebastian was.

The song slowly faded out, and it was like a deep breath went through the audience. Then, they started applauding. Wes stepped forward.

"Thank you. We're alumni Warblers of Dalton Academy, Ohio," he said formally. "And this is the first time we've performed together in public since graduation. If I may, I would like to introduce our singers; Warblers David, Thad, Trent-" he held out his arm at them and waited for people to stop applauding, "my name is Wes- and the soloists of the next song, Nick and Jeff."

 _"Niff,"_ Nick said with a wink, and Wes let out a visible sigh. It was clear he had planned his little speech and, as usual, they stirred up his plans.

Alex snorted. "Niff! I like that!" he said loudly. "We're Aleph, right?"

Steph looked at him with her nose scrunched up. "Stelex, if anything," she argued. "I don't see why you should get more letters."

Sebastian snorted and shook his head.

"I like Stelex," Alice said. "What would we be?" She looked at Brody.

"You guys are Aldy." Alex said sagely.

"Isn't that the name of a German supermarket?"

"What about Brolice? Bralice?"

"I like Bralice," Alex said, leering a little and making it sound like ‘bra-less'. He nudged Steph, who snickered.

"What are _we_ then?" Sebastian asked, looking down at Kurt.

"That's easy," Alice said. "You guys are Kurtbastian."

Sebastian grinned. "What do you think, babe?"

Kurt was a little overwhelmed. It was definitely something else than having just one letter. "I guess that's okay?" he said. "Though I reserve the right to remain my own person." He looked towards the stage, where Marc and Paul still stood with Joe. "Parc?" he suggested, his smile returning. It was just more fun making names for _other_ people.

On stage, Nick and Jeff took their places in front. Kurt hoped it was going to work. Wes had been on their tails for weeks to practise (they had complained about him in a private chat). With Blaine around, they had never gotten a real solo, and later, Sebastian had distributed lines evenly and treated them all as a team. Kurt knew this was a moment they had been waiting for for a long time.

The Warblers set up a rhythm and a background harmony, and Jeff began to sing. " _No matter what they tell us, no matter what they do... No matter what they teach us, what we believe is true."_ He addressed the audience, and Kurt felt he was singing for all of them. It was quite clear who _they_ were.

Nick looked out around the audience and held out his arms. " _No matter what they call us, however they attack, no matter where they'll take us, we'll find our own way back."_

Sebastian looked around at the crowd, once again they were all captivated by the group on stage. Sebastian was proud of his team. They'd really picked songs that worked.

 _"I can't deny what I believe, I can't be what I'm not_ ," both Nick and Jeff sung, their voices mixing well together. " _I know I'll love forever, I know no matter what."_

Kurt was entranced. Even though all of them could probably feel the lyrics in their hearts, he also felt like he was witnessing something very intimate between Jeff and Nick; something with a special meaning that was only for the two of them. He felt honoured to be a part of it.

The song continued into the verse about God, and Kurt sighed.

 _"And I will keep you safe and strong, and shelter from the storm..."_ He knew what the lyrics were supposed to express, and perhaps it comforted some people to believe in a benevolent God, but Kurt's atheism from high school had only been confirmed by recent events. If there _was_ a God, why hadn't he kept Sebastian safe?

Kurt believed in himself; in Sebastian, in their love. For him, _that_ kept them safe, no matter what.

 _"No matter who they follow, no matter where they lead, no matter how they judge us, I'll be everyone you need."_   Jeff and Nick were looking at each other now, the crowd melting away until it was just the two of them.

 _"_ _No matter if the sun don't shine, or if the sky is blue. No matter what the end is, my life began with you."_

Sebastian closed his eyes and swayed with Kurt as they listened to the song. The lyrics spoke right to him. He couldn't remember life before Kurt and he never wanted to imagine life without him.

 " _I know this love's forever, that's all that matters now, no matter what."_

 Applause rose and Nick and Jeff took a bow, then stepped back in line with the others. As they started into the harmony for the next song, Kurt laughed out loud.

 "What is it?" Alice asked.

 Brody snorted. "It's _Mister Sandman,"_  he replied. "I wonder if they will-"

  _"Mister Sandman, give me a dream...make him the cutest that I've ever seen..."_

 "Nope," Brody concluded, grinning. "It's the girl version. They didn't gender-bend it. It's a girl band song about finding a husband."

 Alice looked around. "Well, that works," she commented.

 "I think this lot would fry them alive if they did the boy version," Paul said, sliding up to the bar. "I like this group, they're good!"

 Sebastian smiled proudly. Yes, they were.

 "You were very good too of course, Kurt!" Paul added.

 "Oh my god, yes!" Alice exclaimed. "I had _no_ idea your voice could go that low!"

 "Oh, I could talk down here all the time if I wanted to," Kurt said in a deep voice, then cleared his throat and switched back to his regular speaking voice. "It's just _so_ much effort."

He thought about the time he had tried to butch himself up for his dad. After talking like that for a day, he'd need to drink tea with honey all evening. He envied guys who sounded like that naturally - but then, could _they_ sing Madonna songs in the original key?

"I like your regular voice," Steph said. "It suits you."

Kurt smiled softly at her. "Thanks. It's been my ticket out of Ohio and into all of this."

"I like it too," Sebastian said smiling. "Though, I _do_ also like the low register," he added quietly to Kurt in an attempt to sound flirty. He hoped it worked. He'd been trying to block that part of himself off for so long that it was taking some getting used to to slip back into it.

Kurt felt the heat rise in his cheeks and butterflies swirled in his stomach. He knew what Sebastian meant; there were times his voice deepened without any conscious effort. It had been a while since Sebastian had voluntarily hinted at that. Kurt swallowed and hid his face against Sebastian's throat. "Me too," he whispered.

Meanwhile, the Warblers finished their playful ditty and Wes announced that the following song would be their last. The audience dutifully protested.

Thad stepped forward, and with his rich, husky voice, started to sing. _"_ _I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the lord…_ "

"Hey! We should be out there doing this," Alex commented, looking pleased with himself. "This is _our_ song."

The other Warblers hummed in a rising volume, setting up a flawless harmony for the first Hallelujahs, and then divided into beat boxing and melodies. David took the second verse.

 _"Okay_..." Alex whispered, sounding intimidated.  _"_ _Maybe_ we can't do it like _this_ …"

"Shhh!" Steph hushed him.

Sebastian stared up at his friends on the stage. He hadn't heard them do this song before. It must have been from before his time.

 _"Incredible_ ," he whispered softly in French. It made up his mind.

Sebastian kissed Kurt's shoulder and hugged him. "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom," he said quietly. "I'll be right back."

Kurt nodded and kept his eyes on the Warblers, who were letting the song slowly fade out. He couldn't get over Trent's solo on the last verse. Their applause went on for a long time, and it was well-deserved. People in the audience shouted for an encore.

Wes stepped forward and waited for them to quiet down. "Thank you so much," he said, looking pleased. "I am very proud to stand here today as a former head of the Warbler council and share the stage with some of the most talented singers ever to grace Dalton Academy; not just with our ensemble here-" he gestured at the others, "but also in the presence of former Dalton Academy student and fellow Warbler Kurt Hummel." He extended his hand out to the bar.

The audience applauded wildly, and Kurt ducked his head. Marc nudged his arm and Kurt shyly waved a little at the people turning his way.

"But what perhaps not all of you know," Wes continued, "is that after I graduated, a new leader was voted Captain of the Warblers, and _his_ direction lead the Warblers to new heights. And, as I understand it," He looked to the side of the stage and nodded, "he has agreed to sing with us tonight…"

"Huh?" Kurt said out loud, looking around. Did Wes mean who Kurt thought he meant?

"Everyone please put your hands together for Satire's own _Sebastian Smythe!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setlist (up to this point) :  
> MERCEDES -  
> Born This Way (Lady Gaga) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1FrqwZyKw  
> Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Judy Gardland) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HRa4X07jdE  
> Let It Go (Idina Menzel) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnpJBkAMk44  
> AQUAMARINE -  
> Show Me How You Burlesque (Christina Aguilera) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3APrqTKtcA  
> KURT -  
> Karma Chameleon (Culture Club) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw  
> Modern Love (David Bowie) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJCBYUKMvMQ  
> Walk of Life (Dire Straights) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kd9TlGDZGkI  
> Sweet Dreams (Eurythmics) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeMFqkcPYcg  
> THE WARBLERS -  
> See You Again (Charlie Puth) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLbG1HmfBIk  
> No Matter What [Jeff & Nick solo] (Boyzone) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eul_Vt6SZY  
> Mr Sandman (The Chordettes) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNUgsbKisp8  
> Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen, but sung in the Pentatonix cover style) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRP8d7hhpoQ


	37. The Benefit Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Benefit continues with performances from Sebastian and Starchild.

A murmur ran through the crowd as Sebastian stepped onto the stage, wearing a jacket identical to the other Warblers. As soon as the group had agreed to sing, Wes had asked Sebastian if he would join them. He and Wes had talked about it a lot leading up to the performance.

Not knowing how he'd feel on the night, Sebastian had told Wes to plan the performance without him, but that he might join them at the end for a final song. 

Wes had agreed and arranged for Sebastian to have a jacket just in case. If Sebastian wanted to sing, he would don the jacket and be ready backstage towards the end of the final performance.

Their previous song had filled Sebastian with so much longing to be back up there with them that he had all but ran backstage to grab his jacket.

Sebastian waved a little as he stepped up to the centre, each of the Warblers patting his shoulder or arm as he passed. He took the mic from Wes and thanked him.

For a moment as Sebastian was announced, Kurt could feel all eyes of his friends turn to him. Marc and Paul looked as astounded as he felt.

"I didn't know!" Kurt let out. He was staring at the stage and the vision that was his boyfriend in his tailored blazer (when did he smuggle it into the club? _How?_ ).

"How about those Warblers huh?" Sebastian asked the crowd. There was a chorus of whistles and applause.

"I wasn't sure I'd be able to get up here tonight," he said honestly. "As a lot of you know, the last time I performed in this bar...things didn't go so well." He cleared his throat and pressed on. "Most of you here know me, or at least think you do. I'm the guy who mixes your drinks, flirts a little  and sometimes sings. But there's a lot more to me. I've recently learned that I'm a lot stronger than I ever knew, and that's all down to those of you here that know the _real_ me. My friends, my parents...and Kurt."

Sebastian's eyes focused on the bar "I'm here because of you, babe. Without you, I don't know where or _who_ I'd be today. I love you so much. There are not enough words in the universe to describe the way I feel about you. So, I thought I'd sing." He smiled self-consciously. "I know you aren't fond of spontaneous serenades, but I hope you'll make an exception just this once. This song is for you. We're right back where it all began and I think this song is fitting to that."

He blew a kiss to Kurt and stepped back into the centre of the group. The stage went dark and there was a moment's pause. Sebastian took a breath, and began to sing.

 _"The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts is here and now. My universe will never be the same, I'm glad you came..."_  

As the rest of the Warblers joined in around Sebastian, Kurt stared in wonder. Flashes of the past and the present overlapped, and a surge of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. Regionals, Dave, Blaine - Sebastian as he was then, stalking them at the Lima Bean; Sebastian now, a man grown, stronger, but more vulnerable than Kurt had ever imagined back then.

_"Time is slipping away - away from us so stay. Stay with me, I can make - make you glad you came."_

This was _nothing_ like the embarrassing serenades Blaine made Kurt sit through. This was the way a love song was supposed to sound.

"Hey, psst! Cry later, you don't want to miss this," Alex said quietly, giving him a knowing look. It made Kurt crack up and it broke his spiral of thoughts. Grateful for Alex, he focused on the present.

The song was perfect. Maybe they had chosen it to honour Sebastian as a Captain; maybe they simply used it because the choreography had been drilled into them so hard they could still dance it in their sleep and did not require Sebastian to rehearse with them (because he hadn't, Kurt would have noticed). But for Kurt, it was perfect for the reason Sebastian had announced - he was glad he came that night they met again.

Marc reached over the bar for Paul's hand. Finally, they got to see Sebastian perform with his group.

"He's so good," Paul whispered in awe. The performance centred around Sebastian, and while it may have been more impressive with twenty guys instead of six, the moves, jumps and changes still worked.

"Well, he _is_ our son," Marc joked. "He takes after me."

Kurt could see Sebastian was enjoying himself. It had been a long time since he had shown such a passion for anything (not counting Thanksgiving night). He was directing his attention to Kurt, shooting him little smiles and looks, and Kurt could feel his face getting hot.

_"You cast a spell on me, spell on me, you hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me, and I decided you look well on me, well on me. So let me take some place no one else can see, you and me..."_

Sebastian sang as they moved through the old choreography. It was a little rough but he was having fun, and the lyrics spoke to him. Kurt had captured him under his spell and Sebastian succumbed. His life had turned around completely and despite the ups and downs, it was a fuller life than he could ever have imagined.

That, and the fact that his boyfriend was super sexy, and definitely _did_ look well on him.

 _"Turn the lights out now,"_ he sung and winked at Kurt. _"Now I'll take you by the hand, hand you another drink..."_

Kurt raised his glass in a salute as the Warblers did the same in their choreography. Sebastian's smile sent shivers down his spine. For a moment, it was easy to forget the past few months and everything that had come between them. When Sebastian threw him a look like _that_ , Kurt knew he'd be hitting his lower register later; and they'd be glad they came, alright.

Kurt let out a deep, longing sigh at a particularily sexy move - just as almost every gay man in the audience (save Marc and Paul) did - and had to remind himself to calm down; he did not want to ruin the night by pushing his expectations on Sebastian. They hadn't had sex since that time at Thanksgiving, and it might have been a one-time thing.

God, Kurt hoped it wasn't.

The Warblers stopped dancing and gathered together in formation centre stage as the song drew to a close. The lights flashed around them and dimmed until a single spotlight was cast through the middle of the group.

_"The sun goes down, the stars come out and all that counts is here and now. My universe will never be the same, I'm glad you came...I'm glad you came."_

The crowd erupted in applause and hollering and Sebastian grinned. The Warblers took a bow, and then huddled around him and ruffled his hair or patted his back in celebration.

"That was awesome, dude!" Jeff said as they rushed off stage.

Sebastian grinned. "It was! I had fun, thank you for letting me get up there with you. You guys were awesome! Trent! I had no idea you could sing like that!"

"I did," Wes chimed in. "And I owe you an apology, Trent. I shouldn't have sidelined you in favour of Blaine."

"Oh! Well..." Trent mumbled, blushing deeply. "We all voted for Blaine."

Wes shook his head. "It was favouritism and I shouldn't have allowed it. You are a spectacular singer, Trent."

Trent looked from Sebastian to Wes, and back. It was clear that he was a little overwhelmed by the unexpected praise from both his former choir leaders. He opened his mouth to say something, taking a deep breath - and got the wind knocked out of him by Jeff, who jumped up and hugged him.

"You rock, man," his friend said, squeezing him tightly.

"So did the two of you," Wes added. "Nick, Jeff - I know I hounded you the last few weeks, but only to bring out your potential. You did not disappoint."

Nick scrunched up his nose. "We did not disappoint? Trent get a 'spectacular' and we get this?"

Wes rolled his eyes. "What do you want me to say?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Say: _Niff are AMAZING!"_  Jeff prompted, letting go of Trent.

"I am not saying 'Niff'," Wes said, and sighed. "But...you were amazing. You all were. I am so proud of you."

Thad rolled his eyes and made a gagging noise and gesture, but he grinned at Wes's offended look and shoved his friend's shoulder.

"We think you're awesome too, Wes. Now...let's  get our party on! I heard something about a free drink!" 

Sebastian smiled at him. "Yeah, and I should probably get back to the bar. Thank you guys, it felt good singing with you all again."

They hadn't gotten very far however, when the door opened and a tall muscular man stepped through carrying a suit bag and a rucksack. He was beaming at them. 

"Hey guys, great set! Man, you got _some_ voice there," he said, nodding at Trent, who blushed even deeper.

Elliott walked towards Sebastian and held out his hand in greeting. _"_ _You_ have been holding out on me my friend. How the hell didn't I know you can sing?" he asked mock-sternly.

Sebastian blushed a little and shook Elliott's hand. "I've not really been in the mood to perform recently."

Elliott bit his lip and nodded."Well, you were fabulous!"

Sebastian smiled at him. "Thanks."

He introduced Elliott to the others and they all exchanged pleasantries before Jeff dragged Nick off to the bar and the others filtered off after them.

"How are you?" Sebastian asked Elliott. "Ready for the performance?"

Elliott let his breath out on a huff. "I'm never ready," he admitted. "No matter how often I go out and sing, I still get crazy nervous! And this-" he nodded at the door towards the main room, "is one if the biggest audiences I've ever had!" He smiled. "And I owe it all to Kurt. How was his set? I bet he was _amazing._ I am so sorry I couldn't be here sooner, but Tuesday's my therapy day and I always need a bit of time to come down from that."

Sebastian shook his head and placed a hand on his friends shoulder. "Hey, it's okay...I get it. Some days I have to walk around the block for a while before I can go home after a session...coming somewhere like here after that would be my idea of a nightmare!"

Sebastian squeezed Elliott's shoulder and let go. "Everyone's really grateful that you could make it. And there's a drink waiting for you behind the bar when you're done!"

Elliott grinned. "That sounds good." He looked around and located the large standing mirror Kurt had set up for the performers. "I have to make myself pretty first, though." He winked and pulled off his beanie, revealing magenta highlights in his dark hair.

"Speaking of the bar," he added conversationally, draping his outfit bag over a nearby chair. "I have to say, you have _very_ attractive colleagues." He blew himself a kiss in the mirror and then glanced over his shoulder at Sebastian, a sparkle in his eyes.

Sebastian grinned at him. "I hope you don't mean Kurt or my _dad."_

Elliott laughed and shook his head. "No, though, they are both _very_ attractive too."

Sebastian slapped him lightly.

Elliott chuckled. "No...I was talking about the other guy...Kind of buff, looks a bit like Mr Clean?" he suggested.

Sebastian nodded and grinned. Danny. He had never made the connection to the cleaning mascot until Kurt suggested it months before, but now he couldn't _un_ see it. Apparently his friend saw it too.

Elliott hesitated. "So is he, uh...you know...? Is he single? I- I don't even know if I should- I mean, it's been _such_ a long time, and-" He broke off and shook his head. "He just caught my eye, that's all."

He shrugged and looked away.

Sebastian's smile softened. "His name is Danny, and yes, he's single. He's also a very nice guy." Sebastian paused. It was great that Elliott was interested in someone, and Danny _was_ a nice guy.

Thinking about it, Sebastian thought that they would actually be pretty great together. They both had a similar temperament and Sebastian was acquainted enough with Danny as a bed partner to know that he was careful and attentive, and _listened_.

However, Danny was also known to be a 'no strings attached' kind of guy, and Elliott had a lot of strings.

"Okay. Good." Elliott rummaged in his bag a bit, stalling. Then, he looked up at Sebastian. His friend already knew the worst of him; they'd shared nightly anxiety attacks on the phone, they talked through their fears in group...then why was it so hard to talk about this face to face. 

"I'm just worried...if I hook up with a stranger...I just don't know how he's gonna react if I chicken out. I mean, I'm not the smallest guy..." He grinned a little at his own understatement, "but I _do_ tend to be attracted to men at least my own size or stronger. And I don't ever want to put myself in a position where I can't fight my way out. Not again."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "This is stupid," he added. "I did _not_ mean to imply your colleague is a rapist. And it probably sounds arrogant to assume any guy would want me bad enough to do that."

Sebastian looked at Elliott with sympathy and understanding. "Danny would _never_ do anything like that...I know from experience that if you tell him to stop, he stops. Period. No questions asked."

Sebastian leered a little bit. "He is also _amazing_ in the sack, I'm talking _legendary_ here."

Elliott raised his eyebrows and a small smile crept onto his face. "You...?"

Sebastian grinned. "Yeah...quite a few times. Danny and I were each other's fallback if neither of us picked anyone up after a shift. It was...convenient." He smiled. "But then Kurt broke up with Blaine, and suddenly _convenient_ didn't feel like enough anymore. Danny understood, and we stopped hooking up."

Then Sebastian dropped the grin and looked at Elliott with sincerity. "Danny's a good guy. He looks after himself and cares about his health. And hey, he did always say that when he meets the right person, he might settle down too." He waggled his eyebrows at Elliott. 

"Wow," Elliott whispered. "Well, that's...I'll keep that in mind." He paused. "Unless...it's weird for you? I don't want to trespass…" He paused. "Does Kurt know about the two of you?"

Sebastian shook his head. "Kurt and I didn't get together until months after I stopped seeing Danny. And it wasn't like me and Danny were actually dating, I mean, there were never any feelings involved, and - not that Danny in incapable of feelings!" he added hurriedly. "But with us all working together I thought it might just make everything unnecessarily awkward…"

Suddenly, Sebastian wondered if he had made a mistake.

"Hey, I don't want to stir things up between you," Elliott said gently. "But I think...if I were Kurt, I'd want to know. I mean, he knows Danny, too."

Sebastian nodded.

To distract him from his thoughts, Elliott added: "So...legendary, huh? Maybe I need to see that for myself…"

Sebastian snorted, his good mood returning. "Yeah! Tell him I gave 5 out of 5 stars." He winked. He looked at his friend. Maybe he could really be the man to tie Danny down.

Elliott grinned. "We'll see what happens. I have a gig to play, first."

Sebastian nodded. "Well, if you do ask him out, Danny is a very lucky man."

"Any man would be lucky to go out with me," Elliott said, raising his chin and batting his eyelashes rapidly. Then he snorted. "Thanks, Seb."

"They would," Sebastian agreed. "Now get your Starchild on and slay them!"

"Yes, _sir!"_

Sebastian hugged Elliott briefly and then left him to get ready.

He walked back to the bar and slipped back underneath. Everyone was still watching the stage where a woman was now talking about the HIV virus and how far the research had come.

Sebastian slid up behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around him. "Hey," he said, kissing his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Hey," Kurt replied quietly, not wanting to talk over the woman from ACRIA. "You were _amazing_ out there! I got chills. And thank you for making it _my_ song. I loved it. I love _you."_ He turned around in Sebastian's arms and kissed him. Then he nodded at the stage to signify that he wanted to pay attention to the speaker again. After the performances, there would be plenty of time to tell Sebastian just how impressed Kurt was - maybe there'd even be an opportunity to _show_ him.

"And the more people hear about all of the medical advancement, and PrEp, and the life expectancies," the woman continued, "the more they ask me - why do organisations such as yours even still exist? You can live like we do - you can work, meet people, raise a family. Why are you still out there making noise?" She looked around the audience.

"And I tell them: because of the reactions we still face every day. Tell someone you're HIV positive on a first date. Tell your neighbours when you move in; tell the other parents at kindergarten; tell your new dentist - and look at the expression on their face...Then you'll know why we still protest; for prevention, for better education, for acceptance. 

The audience applauded and made noise, talking among themselves and shouting out to the speaker.

"Your donations tonight will help us immensely. And please remember, all of you, regardless of your status, can come and see us. We have a stall there in the back-" She pointed at the area next to the bar, "where we offer information, support, and especially for tonight: quick tests. They take twenty minutes and give you a basic _yes_ or _no_. We usually charge about twenty dollars for the material, but for tonight, Joe Douglas has agreed to cover the charges for everyone who wants to be tested." The audience applauded loudly.

The woman smiled and waited until they quieted down again.

"Please come and see us so we can tell you more about who can take these, and what will happen once you get your results. We have two trained counselors here today to help you should your test come out positive. You are _not_ alone with this, and _knowing_ is better. Thank you."

"I can't believe Joe is paying for all of this," Kurt whispered. "I knew it was important to him, but..."

"He's been saving up for a long time," Marc said next to him.  

"I bet his brother is proud of him," Sebastian said quietly. "From everything Joe has told me about him, this is exactly what Bennie would have wanted."

Marc nodded. "Joe's the best," he said. "I guess, by keeping the bar and staying in contact with the community, he sort of gets to keep his baby brother's memory alive." He shook his head. "He could have just sold it, focused on his wife and daughter, and never looked back." 

"That's not what you do with family," Kurt said. He looked at Sebastian. His new family would never abandon him.

Just then, a familiar face arrived at the bar, looking harried.

"Dani! You made it!" Kurt let out.

"Against all odds," she harrumphed. "Gunther, that annoying despot, insisted it was my turn to lock up. I asked for this night off months ago, but he claims Shelley asked before me. Shelley only started at Spotlight last month, how does that even work??!!" Dani was panting like she had run the last few blocks.

"Why do you still work for him?" Kurt asked sympathetically. "He's a tyrant."

"Because the money isn't bad and I've been there so long now that finding anything else would be a nightmare."

"Joe will be looking for staff here in the New Year," Sebastian said.

"Hmm, we'll see…" Dani replied. "Thing is I actually _like_ the job. And it's a great place to pick up chicks. Unlike this sausage fest here." She winked at Sebastian. "I just can't stand my boss...if he had made me miss Elliott's performance, I may have _really_ had to quit and post his real name on the internet."

Sebastian smiled. "You haven't missed him, he's up next."

"Here, honey," Marc said sliding a Manhattan across the bar to her. "You strike me as a whiskey girl."

"My saviour!" Dani tried to hand him some money.

"It's okay, the first one's on your ticket," Marc said, leaving the money and plucking the voucher out of her hand with a wink. "Enjoy."

Dani raised her glass in a toast to all of them and took a sip. "Oh, I needed that," she sighed. "Today really was a bitch of a day." She looked at the stage, where someone from the tech team was hanging microphones and setting up things for the band. She grinned.

"I bet Ells is _so_ nervous right now," she said, a little maliciously. "He's always acting like he's going to _die,_ and then he's amazing anyway. He's such a drama queen."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Kurt said playfully, batting his eyelashes at her.

"He's okay," Sebastian reassured her. "I saw him backstage. He's nervous but I think he'll be fine."

 _He's probably more nervous at the idea of speaking to Danny than he is to go on stage,_  he added in his head.

The lights dimmed for a moment and then a spotlight came on. People turned back to the stage curiously. Elliott, dressed in platform boots and a spectacular wine-red sequined suit that matched his highlights, stepped into the light. 

"Hello there," he said in a sultry voice. "How are you tonight?" His heavily made-up eyes shot a look around the room, and the people cheered and wolf-whistled. Without making a long introduction, Elliott set in to his first song, an upbeat crowd-pleaser to get everyone warmed up.

_"Right right, turn off the lights - We gonna lose our minds tonight! What's the dealio?"_

"Wooo!" Dani called out, raising her Manhattan in anticipation of the chorus.

Paul, who had returned to the bar after talking to Joe and the woman from the charity, could only stare. Then, he leaned over to Sebastian. _"_ _That's_ Elliott?"

Kurt grinned. "That's _Starchild,"_  he said cryptically. He knew what Paul meant, but what Elliott was showing here was his stage persona, not the man Sebastian had been on the phone with for months.

"Yes," Sebastian confirmed because Paul was looking a little confused. "That is Elliott. His stage name is Starchild."

"He's good," Paul said glancing back at the stage, unable to comprehend that the confident man walking across the platform was the same shy, quiet man he'd spoken to the couple of times when he picked Sebastian up from his group.

"You _know_ this guy?" Alex asked, looking a little crestfallen, like he couldn't believe why Sebastian would consider hanging out with _him_ if he knew people like Starchild.

"Yeah, we met him through Dani back over the summer." Sebastian glanced at Dani and Kurt. Elliott had said it was okay for him to tell Kurt about him being in group therapy, but it wasn't his place to broadcast it to his entire friend group. They didn't know Elliott at all, and more importantly, Elliott didn't know _them._

Kurt nodded.

Alex frowned. "So do you like, hang out a lot? He must be pretty good at karaoke..."

"I don't know if karaoke is his thing," Sebastian said. "I've only ever seen him perform as Starchild." He looked at Dani for help.

Dani caught his look and chimed in. "Oh! Yeah, totally not, Elliott _never_ sings when he's off-duty, you know?  _This_ is his thing." She nodded at the stage.

Alex still didn't look entirely convinced, but Steph had looped her arm with his and was nudging his attention back to the stage.

_"So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways-"_

"He certainly redeems this song," Kurt said so only Sebastian could hear. "Blaine's version was...well...let's just say it wasn't his pitch."

Sebastian snorted. "Babe, you could say that for _every_ song he sung."

Kurt instinctively opened his mouth to object, and then decided not to and closed it again. Instead, he raised his glass in a toast and took a sip.

The song ended to great applause and Starchild look a theatrical bow. "Whew!" he let out. "Hello Satire...my name is Starchild," He let the name roll off his lips seductively. "And I'm about to take you on a little trip to the stars..."

With a nod at the audience, he launched into _Don't Stop Me Now._

"Wow," Steph gasped.

"Uh huh," Dani said grinning.

"Well, he could definitely give Freddie a run for his money!" Paul said.

Alex huffed a little. This was another of _his_ favourite karaoke songs.

"Don't worry Al, your Freddie impression is still my favourite!" Sebastian said, patting his friend on the arm.

"Mine too," Steph chimed in, and kissed his cheek.

Mollified, Alex nodded. "He's a very good runner up, though," he admitted.

"He's incredible," Kurt said, completely in awe. "I could only _hope_ to have such presence on stage."

"You do," Brody said immediately. "You're just as much _there."_

Starchild got the people dancing, and dancing made thirsty, so business at the bar started picking up again. After another song ended, Elliott took a long sip from a water bottle he had on stage and announced it was time to cool off a little. He put his microphone back into the stand and took his place behind it. The light went out for a moment and then, a spotlight illuminated the guitarist of the band.

 _"Oh...nowhere left to go...are we getting closer? Closer?"_  Elliott sang as the light slowly rose again to show him, his theatricality replaced for a downcast, intense expression. _"No...All we know is 'no' - nights are getting colder, colder...Hey, tears all fall the same. We all feel the rain. We can't change…"_

People in the audience had stopped dancing to listen, some forming pairs, others holding up their phones to light up the room.

_"Everywhere we go we're looking for the sun, nowhere to grow old, we're always on the run - they say we'll rot in Hell, but I don't think we will...They've branded us enough, outlaws of love..."_

"Who...whose song is this?" Alice asked. "Muse?"

"His own," Dani replied, her eyes fixed on the stage. 

Elliott looked up and through the dark room, it was as if he found the bar with his eyes, and behind it, his friend Sebastian.

_"Scars make us who we are, hearts and homes are broken, broken - far, we could go so far, with our minds right open..."_

Sebastian nodded and smiled at him. Yes, he did have scars and they were a part of who he was now, but the wounds were healing and it was thanks to the people around him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked around to see Marc.

_"Hey, tears all fall the same, we all feel the rain, we can't change. Ohhh everywhere we go, we're looking for the sun..."_

"The range of his voice!" Paul said, shaking his head. "How does he manage to do that with his voice?"

"Some people just have talent and others don't. _You_ know that, darling," Marc teased. His husband's singing wasn't even bearable in the shower.

Kurt and Brody both opened their mouths, then looked at each other. "Do you wanna…?" Brody offered.

"Go ahead, I'm good," Kurt replied.

With a nod, Brody stepped forwards to talk to Paul, promising that when the performances were over, he'd explain about singing and vocal training.

"Don't build up his hopes!" Marc added, and chuckled.

Elliott was vocalising the bridge in the song, and the girls just stared.

"I'm never going to be over this," Steph whispered.

"Uhuh…" Alice agreed.

"I think _someone_ should try and ease up with the multi-talented friends around here, or risk making us feel like quota filler," Alex said, sulking a little. Something about Sebastian's new friend didn't sit well with him.

"Well, we _are_ gay," Sebastian said with a grin. "You know, stereotypes and all that."

Alex rolled his eyes a little.

"Oh come on, Alex...you don't have to be a good singer to be our friend...you should know that by now."

"Yeah, yeah," Alex mumbled, keeping his eyes on the stage.

"I've got one more for you, and then, I want to get my _own_ party on with you guys," Elliott announced, and with the look he shot the audience, no one protested about that. "This last one is dedicated to Bennie, to Joe - to Freddie...and all of you."

The lights went out, and come on again in a rainbow of spotlights.

 _"T_ _here's no time for us...there's no place for us-_ "

"Can he _really?"_ Steph whispered in awe.

"Yes. Yes, he can," Dani replied. "Go on, Ells. You can do this."

She knew this was the song that worried him most. It had such a history, such pathos, and wasn't technically easy to sing either. It felt almost forbidden to sing it unless you were 100% sure Freddie Mercury wasn't going to send a bolt of lighting out of heaven to smite you down.

 _"What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?"_  Elliot sung, his voice soft as silk. 

He paused with the music before belting out, _"_ _Who wants to live forever?"_

"Why does that man not have his own show?" Alice asked quietly. "My god."

"I know," Dani agreed. But Elliott delivered, and everyone was floored by the time the last notes rung out. A massive applause erupted, and Starchild took a theatrical bow, blowing kisses to the audience before disappearing backstage.

Kurt, who had made his way to the stage during the second half of the show, went on stage with Joe. They waited for everyone to quiet down. "Alright, that was the last of our guests," Joe announced. "We hope you enjoyed the performances..."

Kurt took the microphone from him with a cheeky look- "and now it's up to _you!!_ There'll be three rounds of karaoke between now and two am. There's a list of available songs at the DJ booth and you can write in your names to get a slot. Let's see what you got! Oh, and if you need a little more Dutch courage before you come up here, my handsome colleagues and I can help you with that at the bar."

Marc raised a silver cocktail cup in the air as a salute and let it spin around his hand. Like a wave, people started pushing from the stage towards the bar.

"Do you want us to move?" Alice called to Sebastian as the first wave of customers hit the bar.

"No, it's okay, if you leave it'll take you ages to get back through...unless you wanna go dance." Sebastian called back, hands already reaching for a shaker as someone called an order at him.

Without speaking Danny moved towards one end of the bar and Marc moved to the other leaving Sebastian in the middle with a space between him and Danny for Kurt.

The DJ had turned the volume up and Rihanna's _Pon De Replay_ played out around the club. Sebastian grinned and fell into the rhythm of the music as he mixed his drink.

"Hot stuff, coming through," Kurt announced, and people made way for him to take his place at the bar.

Alex looked confused for a moment, then grinned. "Nice. He wasn't carrying anything."

Kurt winked at him and tied on a fresh apron. "Okay, let's hear it for the boys," he said, and made eye contact with a man in front so he knew he could order now.

"A _menage a trois?_ I'd have to ask my boyfriend…" he said flirtatiously, already reaching for the strawberries.

As the ingredients were ready for shaking, Kurt gave it a firm go by himself, checking Sebastian's current mixing status from the corner of his eye, then tapped it twice on the bar when he saw Sebastian was ready, and let the cup fly, spinning in the air towards Sebastian.

Sebastian caught it and repeated the process, throwing it over to Marc. The guy wanted a threesome- three bartenders he got. The cup landed back in Kurt's hands without spillage, and he opened it over a glass and added basil and more strawberries. 

"I hope that was as good for you as it was for me..." He blew the man a kiss.

Sebastian laughed at the stunned look on the man's face.

Someone ordered a dozen jäger bombs, and Sebastian set up a line of short tumblers on the bar and emptied two cans of red bull equally into them. Then he carefully balanced shot glasses on the rims and blindly caught a bottle of jäger meister from Danny.

He performed a couple of tricky throws and ran the bottle over the shot glasses, filling them up. He performed another spin throw and slammed the bottle down next to the tumblers. With a domino effect, the shot glasses dropped one by one into the tumblers.

The audience at the bar applauded and Sebastian rolled the bottle along his arm to pass to Kurt for another order.

"That's just...I'm...is this real life?" Alice asked, staring at Sebastian.

"I'm not sure," Steph mumbled, staring at Kurt. How were they even real - what was this bottle magic, and how come they only got to see this _now_?

"It'll turn anyone into an alcoholic," Dani added, just as mesmerised.

"I think that's the whole plan," Brody remarked amusedly.

Kurt was now spinning two bottles around his wrists while shimmying his shoulders to the beat of the song - they had caught on that their friends were watching and tried to give them the best show they could.

"Whew, I'm parched, what's good here?" a voice behind them announced, and Dani jumped off her stool into Elliott's arms, kissing his cheek.

"Ells, you were so amazing! I knew you would be, but _you rock,_ man!"

"You really were fantastic," Brody said, stepping away to make room for Elliott and Dani at the bar in Sebastian's segment.

Elliott blushed a little and slid on to Dani's vacated stool.

"Thanks," he said a little shyly. "I think the audience liked it."

"Oh, they definitely did!" Sebastian reassured him. "They went crazy for you!"

"Honey, can I get Sex on the Beach and a Screaming Orgasm please?" someone called to Sebastian and he winked at them.

"That sounds like a tall order sweetie, what are you going to give me in return?"

The man leered at him and flashed his business card and a $20 bill. "Whatever you want..."

Sebastian grinned at him and started work on the drinks in two separate shakers.

"It's impressive," Steph whispered to Alex, "but some of these guys are also little creepy. That man is old enough to be Seb's dad!" Realising what she'd said, she added: "either of his dads."

"Yeah, why can't they order normal drinks like a rum-and-coke or something," Alex agreed, eying Elliott a little warily.

"So, what do you think...?" Elliott asked Sebastian, unaware of Alex' eyes on him. He nodded in Danny's direction questioningly.

Sebastian smiled. "Yes. Yeah, definitely. Just go for it!" He put a hand on Elliott's shoulder and squeezed it. "Remember…five out of five stars." He winked.

"What are they talking about?" Alex whispered to Steph.

Steph shrugged. "Something between them, I guess."

"Okay," Elliott said standing up. "I'm going in." He slipped down the bar towards Danny and caught his eye to order.

"Woah," Dani said quietly. "That's the first time-"

"I know," Sebastian said to her as he finished up the two drinks. "He'll be okay, Danny's a good guy."

After the initial rush the crowd around the bar had subsided and Elliott and Danny had enough space to strike up a conversation.

"I gotta hit the head," Sebastian said.

"I'll come!" Alex said immediately. "It's pretty crowded in here."

Sebastian smiled at him and nodded, touched. He was getting better with crowds now, not 100% and maybe he never would be, but he felt safe here. Singing up on stage tonight had really helped cement that.

He placed his hand on Kurt's waist as he passed, stealing a kiss, and met Alex by the bar hatch.

"Follow me," Alex said importantly, then looked around. "Uh...which way?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly and nodded his head to the right. "Back towards the entrance."

Alex nodded determined and started pushing his way through the crowd, making a tunnel for Sebastian to follow.

Sebastian huffed a silent laugh at how serious Alex was, but he knew it came from a good place.

They stepped into the bathroom and Sebastian headed straight for the urinal.

Alex hovered by the door, half-turning his back to give his best friend some privacy.

"So, uh, Steph's got this wedding cake - and wine tasting thing with Kurt soon and I thought, maybe we could hang out then...unless you've got...work or, you're already hanging out with Starchild..."

Sebastian finished and did his fly back up before turning to Alex. "No, that sounds good man! We haven't hung out in ages!" He walked to the basin to wash his hands.

"Yeah. Yeah..." Alex mumbled pensively. "I guess you were busy...which is okay, I totally get that. It's not like I have the friend-monopoly on you, I got...maybe the railroads and the waterworks, or...Marvin Gardens and Indiana Avenue..." He trailed off.

Sebastian shook off his hands and frowned a little. "Wh-? Dude, what are you talking about?"

Alex sighed. "I don't know. I guess I'm just...wondering...This is the first time I've seen you here, with your super-talented boyfriend and showman colleagues, and you have like, a _million_ friends here who are at least equally talented as you, and interesting and _hot_ and _gay,_ and I'm like..."

He gave Sebastian a frustrated look.

"...why would you even want to hang out with _me?_ I'm straight, I'm boring, I always say the wrong thing, I can't sing or dance or catch bottles in mid-air..."

Sebastian's mouth dropped open in surprise. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Alex," he said softly. "Of course I want to hang out with you. You're my best friend! I _need_ you, man. _You_ were the one that talked me out of my pity party last summer. _You're_ the one I called to come round my apartment at one o'clock in the morning to chase the monsters away...You and Steph, and Alice and Brody, you're like family to me...I thought you knew that!"

"Yeah, but...that was before Elliott turned up. You never even mentioned him before and all the sudden he's invited to the gig and you have all these insider jokes-" Alex sighed. "Forget it, I don't know what I'm saying. It just surprised me. I thought I knew everyone you hung out with, that's all."

Sebastian sighed. He still felt he ought to keep Elliott's history to himself. Their meetings were supposed to be anonymous. But maybe it would be okay to tell Alex. It felt like, if he didn't, he might lose his best friend - and he knew Elliott would never want that.

"Alex..." he started. "Elliott goes to the same support group that I do." As he saw Alex frown, he quickly added: "I didn't lie to you earlier. I _did_ meet him at one of his gigs with Kurt and Dani - but we became friends because we ran into each other again at the group. Suddenly, it was like...I had someone to talk to who had been through the same thing as me, and...it helped. It doesn't mean I value your friendship less."

Alex stared at him for a moment as he realised what Sebastian's words meant. "So he's been...?" He ran his hand through his hair. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, Seb. I think it's really good to have someone who understands. And he seems to be a really nice guy."

He let out a deep breath. "I knew you were in therapy and going to your group, but I guess in my mind, those other people just...existed _there_ . Not right here, in your _life_ , you know? I'm sorry, it's pretty dumb."

Sebastian shook his head. "I felt the same way. When I bumped into him at that first session, I was shocked, too. I wasn't supposed to _know_ anyone there, you know? Not someone from _real life._ But I had to learn that everyone in there, and what we went through - that's real life too. It's not isolated from the rest of our lives. My rape-" He paused for a fraction of a moment, "does not only exist on Wednesday nights. So neither do those people."

"I feel a bit stupid feeling jealous of him now," Alex admitted.

"Well...he _does_ look better with magenta highlights in his hair than you probably would," Sebastian teased gently. "So there's that…"

Alex let out a breath in a huff, the corners of his mouth turning up briefly. He nodded, appreciating the comic relief. Then he shook his head.

"This whole thing...every time Steph leaves the house by herself now, I'm terrified," he admitted. "It's like...before you told us- I guess I already knew the world was a bad place, but- for it to happen to _you,_  when you're best, the most…" Alex broke off frustratedly. "I'm not sure how to describe how I feel about you without it sounding very weird standing in the bathroom of a gay bar."

Sebastian snorted.

"I just mean: suddenly it's not something that happens to _other_ people anymore," Alex finished very quietly.

Sebastian looked at his friend sympathetically. "I know. I'm terrified _all_ the time. For me, for Kurt...for all of you...but I'm learning to not let the fear control my life. If I did, they'd win, you know?"

Alex purses his lips and nodded. Then he made up his mind.

"I'm sorry for sulking. Your friends can be my friends too. I'll go out to Elliott right now and buy him a beer!" He blinked in thought. "Though I think he'd probably rather get one from your colleague..."

Sebastian grinned. Alex was much sharper than he gave himself credit for. "I'm sure he'd love a drink from you as well!" he said. "But remember - _I'm_ your best man, okay? So don't get _too_ friendly with him." He winked and grinned at his friend. "Now come on, I should get back to work."

"Yeah. The more booze you sell, the more people we help, right? That's what charity is all about. Gettin' drunk. Yeah!" Alex grinned and accompanied him back to the bar. He felt better, and wanted to tell Steph about it too.

-

Back at the bar, Kurt was on top of his game. He was in such a good mood, patrons were flocking to him, each order more flirtatious than the other.

"Oy!" Alex let out, "here comes the boyfriend! Kurt, hide your lovers!"

Kurt laughed out loud.

Sebastian laughed too and slipped back behind the bar. "I wouldn't worry, Alex," Sebastian jibbed with a grin. "His game isn't that strong...he's still never beaten me in the numbers game."

Sebastian winked at Kurt and stuck his tongue out playfully.

Kurt let his jaw fall open in mock-outrage. "That's it," he said. "The game is _on!"_  He picked up a spray can of whipped cream. "Blowjob, anyone?"

As the men clamoured towards the bar calling his name, Kurt watched Sebastian from the corner of his eye. It made him happy to see his boyfriend so much at ease.

"Do I even want to know what this game is about?" Alex mumbled to himself. 

Sebastian grinned and shook his head. "We play a little game to see who can collect the most guys' phone numbers," he said. "When Kurt first started here, he had a little difficulty with the attention he was getting. He felt guilty for flirting and 'leading them on' with no follow through, so to help him realise that none of the guys actually expected it to happen, we started a game to see who can get the most numbers...and it kinda just snowballed."

He watched as Kurt shook the can of whipped cream in a suggestive way before squirting it into one of the customers' mouths. He grinned as Kurt winked at him. "He was a fast learner," he mumbled fondly.

Brody walked up and saw money and receipts change hands. He smirked at Sebastian. "Kurt might break your winning streak tonight though, Seb." 

"Are we playing?" Marc chimed in. "No one told me!" He gave Sebastian's friends a sage look. "Watch a Maestro at work," he announced, and reached for his mixing cups. 

The game was definitely on - except for Danny, who was talking to Elliott in between every order, and it was costing him quite some tips. 

"I never want to leave here," Steph announced, her eyes wide. Even if the show wasn't for _her,_  it was amazing. 

Alice nodded. "I know what you mean," she replied. "When Seb used to talk about work I always just imagined it as a regular bar, you know? That it was just a job that he went and did, and closed the door on at the end of the day...like all of us." 

She looked around. Kurt and Marc were throwing bottles and mixers to each other, much to the excitement of the patrons, and Sebastian was casually spinning a silver mixer around his wrist while he chatted to someone. "This is _not_ just a job - it's a _home,_ it's their world..."

"I feel that way when I enter Sprinkles," Alex said, but his eyes were on all the bottle tricks.

"It's Bennie's vision," Brody added. He raised his glass. "To Benjamin Douglas!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Setlist (continued):  
> WARBLERS  
> Glad You Came [with Bas] (The Wanted, but as Warbler cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRqbyeAoljE)
> 
> STARCHILD  
> Raise your glass (Pink) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjVNlG5cZyQ  
> Don’t Stop Me Now (Queen, but in the Adam Lambert cover version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mn9sXEJysiY)  
> Outlaws of Love (Adam Lambert) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTSllcoxLi  
> Who Wants To Live Forever (Queen in Adam Lambert cover version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1MP3ul4rlM )


	38. Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Benefit winds down and Kurt and Sebastian have a little after-party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moderate content warning for adult-y times at the bottom of this chapter!

Half an hour later, Joe came up to the bar and reached for an apron. "My turn, guys. Two of you can take a break."

"O _ho,_ think you can flairtend for two, old man?" Marc teased.

"I don't _think_ so, I know so. Move over, spring chicken. Go sweet talk your own old man."

Marc smirked and took off his apron. "How about a break, Seb?" he asked. "Paul said not to over-exert your fingers the first few months without splints."

Sebastian paused in his conversation and smiled at Marc, nodding. "Sure."

He squeezed Kurt's hip and kissed his cheek. "Be back in a bit."

Kurt waved a hand at him and smiled.

Sebastian followed Marc over to where Paul was sitting in a booth and they sat down. "Whew," he said, as the pressure was taken off his feet. "I bet Joe's happy with the turn out...it's not been this busy here in ages."

"Yeah, your boyfriend really put together an amazing show," Marc said. "Starchild really blew everyone off their feet!"

Paul smiled fondly. "Well, they were already reeling after _your_ song, Seb," he added, placing a hand on Sebastian's shoulder.

Sebastian blushed a little. "It was only one song," he said quietly.

"You were great," Paul stated. "Brody thought so too." Since their talk and finding out that one of Brody's many side-jobs was vocal coaching, Paul had filed him under ‘expert in the field' in his mind. 

"And you lead your group like you still train with them daily! You must have really drilled that routine into them for it to stick for so long," Marc said admiringly.

"Kurt told me you choreographed it too!" Paul added.

Sebastian nodded. "Before I joined them, their moves were very...stiff. I persuaded them that if we upped our game a bit and _moved_...we'd be in with a better chance of winning."

He smiled. "And we were! We just lost out to Kurt's team - and they went on to win Nationals."

"Wow. Imagine if he had still been on the Warblers!" Paul let out. "You would have won _inter_ nationals!"

"Is there such a thing?" Marc mused.

"This is a proud dad moment, don't ruin it for me!"

Marc grinned. "I'm not! I'm very proud too. I made a video to show all our friends." He winked at Paul.

"All our friends are _here,"_ Paul said drily, nodding at the bar.

"Now who's ruining it?" Marc teased. "I can send it to Isa; she's always bragging about her daughters."

Sebastian grinned. He liked the idea that they were fighting over who was prouder of him. "Does that mean you'll break it out on my wedding day?"

"And holidays and any public function you shall invite us to in the future, ever," Marc promised solemnly.

"What's this about a wedding day?" Paul asked, taking Marc's hand across the table.

Sebastian blushed a little. "Well...I just meant...it's gonna happen at some point. I know we've only been together a few months, but it feels like forever with him."

Marc and Paul exchanged looks. "Sometimes, if you're lucky, you meet someone with whom counting days or weeks becomes irrelevant," Paul said softly. "You just _are,_ together."

Marc smiled and tenderly kissed Paul's lips. Then, he turned back to Sebastian.

"Do you think Kurt is ready to be engaged again?" he asked.

Sebastian bit his lip, and shrugged. "I don't know. It might not happen for a while...I just know I'd like it to happen one day." He shook his head. "I never thought I'd say those words."

Marc smirked and put on a theatrically bored expression. "Pffft! Relationships are _lame!"_ he mocked. "Only getting to fuck one person the rest of your life? No, thank you." He waved his hand like he was bowing off on stage.

Paul laughed. "Don't be nasty. You've said a lot of things in your day." He put one of his hands over Sebastian's. "You'll know when the time is right. And if you need anything, we're here." He sat back. "I doubt anything less than the Hall of Mirrors in Versailles would carry Kurt's approval as a venue."

Sebastian laughed. "I think you're right..."

He thought about it for a moment. He'd love to get married in France, but it would be hard for all of his friends to make it there. Maybe they'd go there on their honeymoon instead.

"So you really liked the song then?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Yes! I wish we could have been there when you performed at the competitions. We might have embarrassed the other parents with our blatant favouritism and impressed them with our superior fashion sense," Paul mused.

"In _Ohio?"_ Marc replied, smirking.

"Kurt would definitely have given you a run for your money. Let's just say his dress sense has improved over the years." Sebastian shook his head at the memory of some of the outfits he'd seen Kurt wear. "Working at Vogue has definitely helped develop his taste."

Paul shook his head. "Kurt and I are on the same wavelength. As I always tell Marc; there's no good taste. There's _your_ taste, and that's always valid. If you like it, wear it."

"Advice you clearly live by," Marc commented. He glanced over at the bar. "I think we should get back, Seb. Danny and Kurt will want a break too."

Sebastian laughed at the exchange between his parents and nodded. "Yeah, okay."

He slid out of the booth and straightened up. "See you later," he said to Paul, clapping him on the shoulder.

-

"Ah, finally," Joe let out, already tying off his apron.

"Finally? I thought you could handle the bar for us easily," Sebastian asked, smirking.

"Of course I can, but uh-" Joe looked around and lowered his voice. "I also gotta pee. Everyone kept toasting to Bennie with me."

Marc chuckled. "Alright Kurt, Dan, off you go. Seb and I will take over."

Danny wasted no time taking off his apron. Automatically, he reached below the bar for his vaping gear, then changed his mind and left it. Elliott was already waiting by the side of the bar. "Later, guys," he mumbled, his eyes already fixed on Elliott. 

Kurt watched him go. "Interesting combination," he commented. "I thought Elliott didn't do hook-ups."

"Maybe it will be more," Sebastian mused. Then, he kissed Kurt's cheek. "Go. You've worked hard tonight. You deserve a break!"

"He's right Kurt," Joe said nodding. "Tonight wouldn't have happened without you. Go enjoy yourself!"

Kurt smiled. "Alright, I'll be back before karaoke starts! Some of my NYADA friends are entering, so we have a good show coming up…" 

"Perfect," Joe said, clapping him on the shoulder. "We'll need someone to soothe their ears after Kate sings. I‘m afraid she inherited her mom's... _talent."_

"And her looks, thank god," Kurt added smoothly.

"Hey, watch it!" Joe said, though he was grinning.

\--

As Kurt was tying his apron back on after his break, Joe's daughter Kate stepped up on to the stage as the first karaoke contestant. Kurt had already secured a slot for himself and Mercedes and their friends should they want to join...but it was only fair to give other people a chance too.

Cautiously optimistic, he had also penciled in the last slot of the evening for himself and Sebastian, They hadn't sung together since the attack in the summer, and Kurt wasn't sure how Sebastian would feel. He hoped that by booking the final slot, it would give Sebastian enough time to process the request.

Much to Kurt's surprise, Sebastian didn't need long to consider it at all.

"I'd love to sing with you, babe." Sebastian replied when Kurt broached the subject with him.

"Are you sure?" Kurt asked. "I didn't know if it would bring back memories of that night for you...I know you sang with the Warblers - but that was different."

Sebastian sighed and placed his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "I'm positive. I _want_ to sing with you. Singing with the Warblers reminded me of how much I love to sing, and it also reminded me of how much I miss singing with _you."_

Kurt closed his eyes and sighed happily, a smile spreading over his face. Then, Kate moved into the chorus of _I Will Survive,_ and his smile turned into a grimace."Oh my god!" he moaned, turning to glance up at the stage. "She's _butchering_ it."

Sebastian laughed at the look on Kurt's face.

"Not everyone can be born with your talent, babe" he said, bumping his hip into Kurt's gently. "Doesn't mean we can't let them have a go."

Kurt nodded dutifully. "I know, I know...but Joe wasn't wrong!" He tried to relax a little. Regardless of the lack of talent, Kate got a good applause, and as she walked away, the next contestant took the microphone.

-

"I need a drink," Kurt murmured when one of their regular patrons nearly tore his vocal chords singing _Don't You Want Me_.

"This is really bugging you, isn't it?" Marc teased. 

"It's hurting my throat just _listening!_ Karaoke was a bad, bad, bad idea."

"I think it's great," Paul said. "I kind of regret not signing up, now, seeing the competition."

"I think our ears have been punished enough, darling," Marc said fondly. "Kurt, please tell me one of your friends is up next?"

"Even better," Kurt said, his eyes glittering. "I am."

-

When the crowd realised they were getting another performance not just by Kurt, but Mercedes as well, they cheered loudly. Kurt and Mercedes shot grins at each other as they waited for the music to start. A screen to the side would run the lyrics, but it was an all-time favourite of theirs so they wouldn't need them.

Mercedes looked around the room and raised the microphone to her lips.

 _"Does he love me, I wanna know! How can I tell if he loves me so?"_ Her powerful voice blasted through the room.

 _"Is it in his eyes?"_ Kurt sang playfully, sashaying his hips and blinking rapidly at his friend.

Mercedes grinned and shook her finger at him. _"Oh no! You'll be deceived!"_

 _"Is it in his sighs?"_ Kurt sang, putting a limp-wristed hand on his forehead.

_"Oh no, he'll make believe! If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss..."_

Alice and Steph looked at each other and knew right away they shared the same thought. They thrust their hands in the air, and shouted: _"That's where it is!!!"_

Kurt laughed and beckoned them on stage. _"Is it in his face?"_ he sang sweetly as he offered Steph a hand to help her up the steps.

 _"Oh no, that's just his charm,"_ Mercedes belted, waving her hand dismissively.

 _"In his warm embrace?"_ Kurt and Steph sang, sharing the microphone. 

Brody lifted Alice up onto the stage as Mercedes sung. _"Oh no! That's just his arms! If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss..."_

Kurt, Steph and Alice stared doing the dance to the side, laughing together as Mercedes continued singing.

_"Oooh, hug him and squeeze him tight, find out what you want to know. If it's love, if it really is...it's there in his kiss!"_

_"How about the way he acts?"_ Alice, Kurt and Steph sang together, nearly cracking up at each other's dance moves, trying to synchronise them.

_"Oh no, that's not the way! And you're not listening to all I say..."_

Kurt, Alice and Steph were doing the _shoop-shoop_ background singing and were having so much fun they didn't even notice a lot of people in the audience had started doing the dance too.

Brody was grinning, panning the camera on his phone around the room to capture the atmosphere on video.

 _"It's in his kiss! Wooo-ooooh, it's in his kiss!"_ Mercedes was giving all she had, and Kurt almost wished she wouldn't, because how intimidating was _that_ to everyone who signed up to come after her??

The song ended with all of them in a pose, and the applause was ecstatic. Mercedes came up the others and hugged them all in turn, ending with Kurt. She put a hand on his cheek and smiled.

"Thank you, Kurt. I've missed singing with you so much."

"The pleasure was all mine," Kurt said honestly.

"Is this what being in your choir at school was like?" Alice asked. "So much fun!"

"Yeah - though with a bit more backstabbing and homophobia," Kurt replied drily.

"Don't forget the misogyny and the racism," Mercedes added.

Kurt put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her tightly to his side, placing a kiss on her temple. "Come on, let's go get a drink. You girls can stay up here, your slot is up after the next song. I'll collect the boys."

"Don't go too far," Alice said. "We need you and Seb to be our loyal audience in case everyone else boo-s us off the stage!"

"That will never happen, but okay," Kurt promised. "Have fun!"

Kurt made his way back to the bar with Mercedes and Sebastian saw them coming.

"Great song!" he said. "You know, Kurt...If you ever need assurance that I love you, feel free to kiss me." He grinned and puckered his lips comically.

"Yes, I'd better make sure…" Kurt mumbled, already leaning in. They kissed, ignoring the rest of the world for a moment. Mercedes used the moment to exchange a few words with Marc and order a drink. Someone was singing _Cotton Eyed Joe,_  possibly the most unromantic song in existence, and yet for Kurt it might as well have been _Can You Feel The Love Tonight_. When he was with Sebastian, anything was a love song.

The song ended, and they looked towards the stage expectantly. Their friends had split up, Alex and Brody sharing one microphone and Alice and Steph the other. Kurt was curious what they were going to sing.

Brody addressed the audience before they started. "Alright, I think everyone under the age of forty probably knows this song, so you have absolutely no excuse to get out of audience participation." He raised a finger. "Anyone who misses the clapping...buys the person next to them a drink. Ok, let's go!"

The intro of the song started, and a wild cheer went through the audience.

_"So no one told you life was gonna be this way…"_

Almost _everyone_ clapped. Even Danny, who was in the middle of mixing a drink, made it by throwing his mixing cup up high enough to clap his hands before catching it again.

As they reached the chorus, they took turns pointing at each other and the bar, including Sebastian and Kurt in their words.

Sebastian grinned at Kurt as they watched their friends sing up on stage. What a perfect song! It spoke volumes as to what they all meant to each other, and the lengths they would go to to support one another. The song was also super fun and light-hearted and automatically put everyone in a good mood, if they weren't already.

"We're so lucky," Sebastian said to Kurt. 

"We are," Kurt agreed. "They're the best." It reminded him a little of how Glee club used to be, before all of the rivalries, the inter-group dating, coach Sylvester's constant meddling and the new arrivals.

They were the loudest to applaud when the song ended. Alex took a very dramatical bow and announced that he was 'there all night' if anyone had any special requests. _The stage lights have gotten to his head_ , Kurt thought fondly.

The karaoke block ended, and the DJ announced a short break. Calvin Harris _How Deep Is Your Love_  started playing through the speakers.

Sebastian grinned at Kurt and started dancing, gyrating his hips in time to the music and shuffled closer to his boyfriend.

"I'm trying to work here!" Kurt scolded him, but with a grin on his face. He bumped Sebastian's hip, nudging him back to his own spot.

"Do I need to break you boys up?" Marc threatened playfully.

"No, _dad,"_ Sebastian let out plaintively, rolling his eyes and skulking back to his part of the bar.

The patrons were eating it up, encouraging him to go back, making little bets to see if he could get Kurt to drop a drink. Sebastian almost managed as he snuck up on Kurt and sneakily kissed him on the side of his throat, just over his scar. Kurt jumped and could only barely hold on to his mixing cup.

Kurt then encouraged his patrons to go to Sebastian's side and order his ‘favourite drink', a Bloody Mary. He knew Sebastian hated handling tomato-juice, because the container it came in always spilled. It turned into a hilarious, but harmless, round of bartending warfare, and Kurt couldn't remember the last time he had so much fun at work.

Another round of karaoke began. As much as Kurt was enjoying himself, he also wanted time to go faster so he'd get to sing with Sebastian again. Finally, they were almost up.

"Ok guys, hold down the fort," Kurt announced, nodding at Marc and Danny and taking off his apron. "It's time for the grand finale."

"Oooh!" Paul said clapping his hands. "This is what I've been waiting for."

Marc rolled his eyes fondly at his husband. "Go have fun! Knock it out the park."

"Oh we will!" Sebastian said confidently.

He took Kurt's hand and they filed through the crowd, who parted for them with admiring eyes. Kurt noticed Sebastian's grip was steady; he didn't once squeeze his hand in a panic when people closed in on them. Tonight was a good night.

They both took up a microphone, and Kurt held up his hand. "Alright everyone, this is the last song of the evening...which I selfishly claimed for myself and my boyfriend!" Kurt said, putting a hand in his side and jutting out a hip. "But before you protest, I would like to remind you that all proceeds of tonight - including our salaries, go to charity. Your _applause_ is our wage tonight." He raised his hand over his head.

A thunderous noise rose up from the audience. Kurt laughed. "Now if only we could use _that_ to pay the rent on our apartment," he directed at Sebastian, blowing up his cheeks and letting the air out slowly, thinking of the rent in New York City. People laughed and shouted agreement. With a nod at the DJ, Kurt motioned for the music to start.

Maybe it was not what the audience expected - but as far as karaoke classics went, it was solid, and Kurt had chosen it deliberately for its lyrics and the playful tune. It wasn't sexy or loaded; completely unlike their routines. It was something they both needed right now.

 _"I've been wanderin' around the house all night, wondering what the hell to do...Yeah, I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you…"_ Kurt sang, turning to look at Sebastian.

 _"Well the phone don't ring cause my friends ain't home, I'm tired of being all alone!"_ Sebastian sang looking back at Kurt. He shrugged his shoulder and put his hand on his hip. _"Got the TV on ‘cause the radio is playing songs that remind me of you,"_ he continued and Kurt joined him for the chorus.

_"Baby, when you're gone, I realize I'm in love! Days go on and on...and the nights just seem so long!"_

Kurt could hear people singing along. Maybe it wasn't such a bad surprise for them after all.

 _"_ _Even food don't taste that good!"_ Sebastian sang, turning to face the audience with a comically disappointed expression. Everyone who knew how much he loved food knew that was _the worst._

 _"Drink ain't doing what it should…!"_ Kurt added, miming putting a whole bottle to his lips and shrugging as he threw the imaginary bottle over his shoulder.

 _"Things just feel so wrong-"_ they both continued, turning to face each other again, _"baby, when you're gone!"_

Kurt could see people in the audience singing along at the top of their lungs, most of them also directing it at a person by their side. It was such a feel-good song. He couldn't help but grin all the way through it.

 _"Baby, when you're gone!_ _"_ They sang out the last note together, drawing each other close and grinning like maniacs.

This was what Sebastian had needed! A complete rewind on what singing together meant. It was supposed to be fun and lighthearted and a little sexy...but just for the two of them!

Sebastian kissed Kurt as the audience around them shouted and applauded, but he couldn't hear them. All he could hear, touch, _feel_ was Kurt.

-

"Ugh, I thought the last people would never leave," Kurt let out on their way home, thinking about the stragglers of the party. "If Nick and Jeff hadn't ordered that whole bottle of Jägermeister we could have all been in our beds by now!"

He fumbled for his keys. All he had wanted after singing with Sebastian was to take him home. He tried to keep his  expectations moderate, but it had been a night of many emotions and all Kurt wanted now was to shut the world away and focus on Sebastian.

Sebastian grinned and ran a hand down Kurt's back. "They were celebrating. It's been a long time since we were all together." That didn't mean he hadn't been equally as impatient to go home with Kurt.

Kurt finally got the door open and they shuffled inside.

"I'm glad the evening was a success," Sebastian said. "I didn't know Bennie but I'm sure he would have been proud. I wonder how much we raised."

All the staff had collectively agreed that any tips made that night were to be donated too, and with ticket and drink sales through the roof the total figure was bound to be a good one, even after the overhead and the tests Joe paid for.

"Me too. Going through Bennie's record collection at Joe's really made me feel like I knew him a little." Kurt smiled. "I didn't expect Alex and Elliott to get along that well...they don't seem the type."

Sebastian hummed in agreement and nodded. While they took off their coats and shoes, he explained to Kurt about the conversation he and Alex had had in the restroom. "After that, Alex really wanted to make an effort, which was nice, I think. I have a feeling he and the girls felt a bit...out of place tonight. Not unwelcome - at least I hope not! Just...yeah..."

He sunk down onto the couch and closed his eyes.

"I guess we can be a bit...much," Kurt admitted, smiling a little. "When it feels like your real life didn't start until you were grown up, there's a lot of catching up to do."

He sat next to Sebastian and looked at him. "I love that they came, though. And they stayed, and even sang! They're good friends." He took Sebastian's hand. "And _you_ were amazing."

Sebastian smiled at him and kissed the back of Kurt's hand. "I'm glad too...and thank you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the song before. Wes asked me if I'd perform with them right after the team agreed to do it. I didn't know how I'd feel on the night so I told them to plan without me, but maybe I'd join them for an encore…Seeing you up there, so confident and sexy and amazing...gave me the courage to try."

Sebastian looked into Kurt's eyes and held the gaze. "You're my strength, Kurt."

Kurt pressed his lips together in a touched smile, his eyes shining. For a moment, he said nothing, and just basked in the moment. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of Sebastian praising the very thing he had been punished for all his life. "I'm just giving back what you lent me when I was trying to break free from Blaine," he finally said. "It was a very good surprise."

"So...confident and sexy, huh?" he added, quirking his eyebrow.  _"_ _Sweet dreams are made of this...?"_  He playfully ran his hand up his own leg.

Sebastian placed his own hand over Kurt's and followed the movement, dragging their hands slowly up Kurt's thigh. When they were close enough, he stretched out a long finger to run over Kurt's crotch.

"Oh yes," he said in a low voice, his eyes focusing on Kurt's lips.

Kurt involuntarily licked them. _"Who am I to disagree?"_ he said, shifting a little closer in hopes of more of Sebastian's touch.

Sebastian paused for a second before closing the gap and kissing Kurt with a sure, firm pressure.

Kurt's whole body responded eagerly. He leaned in, closing his eyes, and the tension of all the parts he had played that day, party planner, friend, performer, slipped off his shoulders. He was just Kurt now, at home with the man he loved. There was no other part to play. 

He sighed softly, resting his forehead against Sebastian's to take a breath.

Sebastian smiled and move his hand to curl around the back of Kurt's neck. "I want you," he breathed against Kurt's lips. 

"Mmm..." Kurt sighed. "I've been thinking about you all night...I want you so badly, Bas."

Sebastian pressed forward to kiss Kurt again, catching Kurt's bottom lip between his own. He let go of Kurt's other hand and ran his hand up Kurt's side, tugging him close and shifting them so that they were laying along the sofa.

Kurt draped his leg over Sebastian's thigh, using it as leverage to lock their hips together. He could feel Sebastian's erection grow through the fabric of their jeans and let out a needy moan, undulating his hips to rub up against him.

Sebastian kissed Kurt again, teasing his lips open with his tongue and rolling his hips down slowly. Kurt's body was pliant and receptive, drawing him in. It felt like every fiber of his being was calling out for Sebastian's touch.

Kurt briefly sucked the tip of Sebastian's tongue and then let his lips wander to the side of his face, kissing Sebastian's cheek up to his earlobe. Simultaneously, his hands pulled Sebastian's shirt from his waistband to slip his hands under the fabric and up Sebastian's back.

Sebastian gasped and closed his eyes at the feel of Kurt's touch. He rocked his hips down again and moved to mouth at Kurt's neck.

"Please," Kurt encouraged him, "go on..."

He gripped Sebastian's back tightly as Sebastian found the scar at his throat, his hips lifting up against him on their own accord. Before he fully realised what he was saying, Kurt was whispering everything he wanted into Sebastian's ear, a confession of every lustful thought he had kept secret all those months to not burden him. His cheeks burned, but he did not want to take it back.

Sebastian's eyes widened as he listened to Kurt's words and his hips stilled, his eyes slipping closed. "Fuck," he whispered, a million images flashing through his mind.

Kurt stilled too and his eyes went wide. "I'm sorry," he started to say. "Too much?"

Sebastian pulled back to look at him and held his gaze for a moment before shaking his head and kissing Kurt with fierce certainty. "No," he breathed. "Keep talking."

Emboldened by Sebastian's encouragement, Kurt continued to describe his fantasies, his hands sliding down Sebastian's back to grip his backside and press him closer. "...until morning," he finished breathlessly.

He was a little astounded by his own honesty, but the moment for being shy had passed long ago.

Sebastian growled and lifted Kurt's legs, bending them at the knees and pushing them up to expose his boyfriend's ass. He pressed his hips up against it and thrust forwards, letting his erection rub up the seam of Kurt's jeans.

Kurt whimpered beneath him and his grip on Sebastian's back tightened.

Sebastian fumbled with the button and zipper of Kurt's jeans and backed away so he could tug them down.

Kurt kicked his legs, eager to be out of them. Without pause, he hooked his thumbs in his briefs and drew them down as well, keeping his eyes on Sebastian. Kurt hadn't seen him this intent in a long time, and he relished in it, not giving his brain time to over-think or evaluate. As soon as he was naked from the waist down, he smirked. "Your turn," he announced.

Sebastian smirked and shuffled back so that he could stand up. "Take your shirt off," he said, pulling his own up over his head and discarding it on the floor.

Kurt did as he was told and then watched as Sebastian stripped.

Sebastian hesitated for a split second before discarding his jeans and boxers too.  He leant down over his boyfriend and wrapped his hand around Kurt's erection, pumping his hand slowly up and down in a teasing way - enough to get Kurt's attention, but not enough to give much relief.

"What do you want, babe?" he asked in a low voice, knowing fully well that Kurt had just let out a long stream of wants and needs - but he wanted to hear it again to make sure. He bent down and ghosted his lips over the head of Kurt's cock. "Do you want my mouth...or my hand..."

Kurt breathed in on a hiss and struggled to keep still when all he wanted was to thrust up between Sebastian's lips. "I want your mouth," he panted. "Please..."

Sebastian looked up at him and winked with a nod. "Okay baby," he said, flicking his tongue out to lick over the head. He watched as Kurt's eyes slipped closed and he sighed. Kurt's fingers brushed through his hair and a thought came to Sebastian.

"...just don't...hold my head? Please..."

Kurt's eyes flew open and he found Sebastian's. His hand stilled.

"I won't," he promised, his voice a little rough. Sebastian's words had brought him back to reality; _their_ reality, in which a touch, well-intentioned or not, could propel Sebastian into nightmare.

"I won't," he whispered again, reaching out to lightly caress his lover's brow before joining both of his hands over his own head.

The sight made Sebastian shiver. Not only was Kurt granting him his request, he was laying himself out for his touch like an offering, completely vulnerable. Sebastian cleared his throat. "Thank you."

He kissed Kurt's hip before running his tongue up the length of the shaft and wrapped his lips over the head and sunk down slowly.

"Oh, Bas," Kurt sighed. Sweet dreams were made of this, indeed. Knowing full well why he should not try to influence or speed up what Sebastian was doing in any way, he let himself be carried on the waves of pleasure, sinking into the couch. His arms were trembling with the effort of keeping them in place, his fingernails biting into his palms.

Sebastian took his time, varying what he did, and slowly bringing Kurt back to the point where they could both forget the reason behind their precaution. It felt like they were back where they started, when everything was new, and they were slowly discovering and learning the subtleties of each other's  bodies. When they were ready to move on, they made love like it was the first time. Even if they did not manage to fulfil all of Kurt's fantasies in one night, he got his most important wish:

_"...and then you hold me in your arms, and we stay like that until morning."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karaoke Setlist:  
> KURTCEDES - The Shoop Shoop Song [It's In His Kiss] (Cher) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCpKQjqb8Y4  
> THE SCOOBS - I'll Be There For You [aka "The Friends Theme"] (The Rembrandts) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vuaqDDr--Q  
> KURTBASTIAN - Baby When You're Gone (Bryan Adams & Mel C) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W2jONIjrM0


	39. Merry Christmas, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family Christmas for Kurt and Sebastian in Ohio.

"Thank you so much, Tom. See you on Sunday. And Merry Christmas to you and your family!"

Paul handed their driver an extra tip - they had booked and paid for their cab from Columbus to Lima beforehand, but it _was_ Christmas, and Tom had been punctual, friendly, and fast. He had even helped bring their suitcases up the driveway of Burt and Carole's house, despite their protests that four grown men were quite capable of carrying their own luggage. 

Kurt's suitcase wasn't heavy. It held only clothes and presents. Kurt had gotten Carole a scarf and a bag from a Vogue display with employee discount, and his dad several pairs of socks (by request). He glanced nervously at Sebastian. Hopefully he'd like his present too.

The door opened as they reached it and Burt and Carole emerged with big smiles. "You made it!" Carole pulled Kurt into a massive hug while Burt shook hands with the others.

"I still say I could have picked you up from the airport," Burt said, reaching down to pick up one of the suitcases.

"Oh no, it was no trouble at all, our driver was a lovely man," Paul assured him.

"God, I know it was only a few weeks ago but it feels like years," Carole said, breaking away from Kurt to pull Sebastian into a hug, leaving Kurt to greet his dad.

Kurt smiled. His dad was wearing the NYADA baseball cap that Kurt had given him the first Christmas after he'd moved to New York. It made him feel warm inside. It was his dad's way of dressing for the occasion. He usually also made an effort to use his 'world’s best dad’ mug exclusively when Kurt visited.

"Everything okay, dad?" Kurt asked lightly. "If there's anything; your health, or a surprise guest, I'd rather hear it now than wait until Christmas Eve."

Burt looked a little uncomfortable at the reminder of the Christmas he had gotten his cap, but he shook his head quickly. "I promise we're all okay and it'll just be the six of us," he said solemnly.

"It's okay, dad, I was just teasing a little," Kurt admitted.

Carole held on a little longer to Sebastian than a simple hug would have needed. As she pulled away, she put a hand on Sebastian's cheek and gave him a motherly look. "How are you?" she asked. It was clear from her tone that it was a question that sought a genuine answer, rather than a throwaway greeting.  

Sebastian smiled at her and nodded. "I’m okay, thank you, Carole."

"Good." Carole exchanged a look with Paul, who subtly nodded.

Kurt felt his heart swell. They were like one big family now, where everyone looked out for each other.

They followed Burt inside and took off their coats.

"We're still doing the Hummel tradition, right?" Kurt asked, boyishly excited. "One present on Christmas eve...?"

"Do you even need to ask, Kurt?" Carole said, helping Sebastian with his coat. "Your dad’s been bouncing off the walls as well...but you _both_ know the rules...not until the evening."

Sebastian laughed as Burt and Kurt both sighed heavily and looked at each other disappointed.

"You two really are father and son," he said poking Kurt lightly in the side. "It’s cute."

Kurt waited for a moment until his dad had left the hallway, then added: "I'd rather have this in common than his hairline."

"I heard that!" Burt called out from the living room. "And it's not too late to put you on Santa's naughty list!"

"Hmm, that sounds promising," Marc mumbled in passing, winking at Kurt and Sebastian.

They chuckled at him and followed into the living room.

"Would anyone like a drink?" Carole offered. "I may not be a hot shot bartender like you guys, but I’m sure I can whip something up...and with Kurt’s help I put together a cheese board if anyone is hungry."

 _"Cheese?"_  Oh Carole, you’re my new favourite person," Sebastian said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Some wine to go with it, then?"

"That sounds lovely, thank you," Paul said. "Can I help you carry it in?"

"Sure," Carole said, sounding pleasantly surprised. She shot a look at Burt, who had already planted himself in his favourite armchair.

"Um, I can help too," he offered, but Carole shook her head.

"It's fine, honey. Three is a crowd..." She winked at Paul and walked towards the kitchen.

Sebastian flopped onto the two-seater and pulled Kurt with him.

Marc smiled indulgently at them and took a seat on the three-seater.

"So, you boys all done with finals?" Burt asked.

"Yep, had my last exam on Tuesday...I think it went okay," Sebastian said.

Burt nodded. "And what about you, Kurt?"

Kurt burrowed himself into the couch and Sebastian's side, drawing his legs up. "Almost. I have one showcase and a presentation left in January. It's okay, though. I'm mostly glad they didn't try to squeeze it all into one week."

He rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "How about your jobs, dad?"

Burt shrugged. "Congress is only in session until mid December - so I've been in the shop helping out the boys. Lots of people wanting their winter check-ups before driving to their families, you know?"

"How are they?" Kurt asked. It had been a long time since he'd been at Hummel's Tires & Lube, but most of his dad's employees had always been nice to him. Of course, they sort of _had_ to be nice to the boss' son, but Kurt did remember them fondly.

Burt nodded to himself. "Oh, you know. Duncan handed me his notice, but I saw it coming. I already asked that kid Adams from your school. Azimio. I know Finn didn't like the guy, but he already applied twice and I really need someone."

Kurt clenched his jaw and nodded. "Well, he's strong, in any case," he said, thinking of the times 'Z' had clocked him against the lockers of McKinley.

"Yeah," Burt agreed, unaware. "Oh, and Stephen's wife had another baby."

"Oh my god!" Kurt let out, his flashback to his school bully forgotten. "That's their fourth!"

"Fifth," Burt corrected. "You've been in New York for a while, Kurt."

Kurt glanced at Sebastian and smiled. "I guess have." Long enough to find the love of his life and acquire a set of unofficial dads-in-law. It felt like forever.

 _"Five_ kids?" Marc asked, raising his eyebrows. "Jesus-" He looked at Sebastian. "I knew Ohio was a little rural, but that just seems excessive…"

"Aww come on dad...does this mean no brothers or sisters for me?" Sebastian asked with a grin.

Marc exchanged a look with Burt.

"Do _you_ wanna tell him?" he asked playfully.

Burt grinned and shook his head. "Nu-uh, once was enough!"

Marc sighed. "Okay. I'll do it. See, son- the thing with the birds and the bees...well, when you're _gay_ it doesn't quite add up..."

"Gay bees?" Paul asked curiously, coming back into the room with a bottle of wine and a hand full of long-stemmed glasses. Carole followed him with a plate of cheese. “I thought bees were gay wasps?”

Burt snorted.

"So..." Sebastian started, feigning ignorance. "...how _did_ you and dad have me? If it doesn’t work that way for gay people...Did you find me in a cabbage patch?"

"Oh dear," Paul said, catching up, "Seb, honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but...you're adopted."

"We love you, though," Marc added, barely containing his laughter, "like our own flesh and blood."

"Well, maybe a _bit_ less," Paul teased. "More like Poppy and Lola."

"Yeah," Marc agreed, his eyes glittering.

Sebastian let his eyes go wide and sucked air in through his mouth. "Adopted? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" he cried exaggeratedly, "And you love the _dogs_ more than me?? Well, that’s just great! My life is _over!"_

He flung himself into Kurt's arms.

Kurt patted his back lightly, barely containing his laughter.

"You'd think _he_ goes to the theatre school, not Kurt," Burt mused, shaking his head as he watched Kurt dutifully 'kiss it all better'.

Paul sat down, still chuckling, and poured the wine.

"Have some cheese, Seb. You'll feel better," Marc offered, very pleased with himself. They may have just made their very first dad joke.

Sebastian grinned and sat up, kissing Kurt softly. "Thanks, babe. It’s good to know that _someone_ loves me, at least."

"Drama queen," Paul said, shaking his head and handing out the glasses.

"I think I missed my calling," Sebastian replied, reaching for the cheese board.

"Oh, that reminds me, we got videos of Seb and Kurt singing at Satire!" Marc said, reaching for his phone.

"At Satire?" Burt asked with a frown. "You mean from _before_...?"

Marc looked at Kurt, suddenly worried he had divulged a secret.

Kurt offered him a smile. "It's from the benefit we did on the first. I helped organise it, remember? I told you the Warblers were going to perform..."

Burt considered it for a split second then nodded, remembering. "Oh, right. I didn't know Sebastian was gonna sing with them though."

Kurt's smile grew. "Neither did I! It was a surprise. It went so well that we sang some karaoke together later that evening too."

Carole gave them a fond look. "Can I see it, Marc?"

Marc smiled at her and found the video on his phone. He pressed play and held it up for Burt and Carole to see.

Sebastian helped himself to more food, loading up a small saucer plate with crackers, cheese and grapes, and snuggled back into the sofa with Kurt. He sighed happily and offered the plate to Kurt.

Paul sipped his wine and hummed along out of key while he watched them. They had both come a long way since Sebastian's twenty-first birthday.

"Wow, this is really good," Carole commented. "Of course, we've heard Sebastian sing in our kitchen before..." She looked up and winked at him, "but this is something else."

Burt nodded. "Good work. With the steps, and-" he nodded at the phone. "You know. The whole thing. Kurt told me how hard it is to get a whole group to do the same thing at the same time."

"It is, dad," Kurt agreed. "And the Warblers are very good at it. Sebastian made them good."

Sebastian blushed a little and shrugged. "They always had the capability...they were just so set in their ways that they never thought to change it up. Plus, I did kind of have a steam roller approach... still wasn’t enough to beat _you_ guys though."

He poked Kurt in the side.

Kurt leaned in as close as he could and whispered in Sebastian's ear. "Don't deflect your praise. You earned it. Your dads are very proud of you and so am I!" He kissed Sebastian's cheek and sat up again.

Sebastian smiled and closed his eyes. "Sorry." He looked up at Burt and Carole. "Thank you both...it felt good to perform again, to know I _can_ still do it."

"He was amazing!" Paul said proudly.

They showed Carole and Burt two more videos of the benefit, and then a few pictures of their dogs in Christmas sweaters, and before they knew it, Carole had taken out _her_ phone to show them pictures and videos of Finn and Kurt in Glee club and her and Burt's wedding.

Burt sat by her side, half-embarrassed, half-enamoured, while Kurt and Sebastian gave their parents this time to bond, silently eating all the cheese.

"So, uh, Kurt, I was actually able to get rosemary this time," Burt suddenly said.

Kurt sat up and quickly finished chewing. He swallowed. "Are you sure, because that stuff you got _last_ time..."

"No, no, I'm sure. There's this new grocer and I got the real thing."

"That's great!"

Kurt saw Sebastian's confused look and smiled.

"A family recipe. Spiced hot chocolate. My great-grandmother used to make it, or so I'm told. Passed down generations of Hummel women...and, well. My dad and me. We didn't want to be responsible for breaking the chain, so we try to make it every year."

He offered his father a soft smile. "When I'm here, anyway. When I spent my first Christmas in New York, we went to see a musical and had a hot chocolate in a bar afterwards. It wasn't the same, though."

Burt chuckled. "I should think not. You were underage!"

Kurt grinned. "It, um, has some high percentage in it. I was only ever allowed to have some at home."

"And we made a virgin one for you until you were eighteen," Burt reminded him.

"Well, we're all over 21 now," Kurt said happily. "So I say: let's see those herbs you got!"

Burt nodded and got up from his chair, heading into the kitchen. He re-emerged a minute later carrying a small brown paper bag. "Here," he said, handing his son the bag.

Sebastian recognised the herb as soon as Kurt took it out.

Kurt waved the sprigs under his nose, breathing in deeply and sighing.

Last year, his dad had accidentally gotten _lavender,_  and with Blaine distracting everyone with his impromptu Christmas songs, Burt had already added it before Kurt could stop him. The drink he had been looking forward to all year had ended up tasting like soap, and not even the alcohol had been able to mask the taste.

"I can't wait," Kurt said, handing the bag back to his father. "Food, a present, and then: _Love, Actually_ with hot chocolate."

Burt rolled his eyes a little. "You wouldn't believe how often he's made me watch that. _Almost_ as often as _It's a Wonderful Life."_

 _"Love Actually_ is the pivotal Christmas film!" Sebastian said affirmatively.

"We watched it last year!" Paul said. "I have to say Emma Thompson is fabulous."

"Yes, I’ll never forgive Alan Rickman for breaking her heart and buying that cheap secretary an expensive necklace and his _wife_ a CD." Marc shook his head.

Burt chuckled. "I like it when the Prime Minister gets caught dancing," he admitted.

Kurt beamed. "No sports this year then?"

Burt shook his head. "Nah. I can catch a rerun tomorrow."

Kurt let out a happy sigh. Already, Christmas was perfect.


	40. Merry Christmas, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Presents!

"That was amazing, Carole, thank you so much," Paul said, dabbing the corners of his mouth with a napkin. ****  
** **

"It was," Marc agreed. ****  
** **

Carole smiled. "It was Finn's favourite. Making it brings back a lot of good memories." ****  
** **

Kurt nodded. Even though he had never cared much for the dish, the taste alone made him feel homesick for family meals long ago. He looked forward to it now, and had even cooked it in New York a few months back on a bad day. In a way, it was like Finn was there with them. The thought made Kurt smile. ****  
** **

"I wish we could have met him," Marc offered. They'd heard a lot about Finn from Kurt. ****  
** **

"Me too," Carole agreed a little wistfully. "He was a kind child and  was on his way to becoming a really good man." She paused, assessing her emotional stability for a conscious trip into the past. ****  
** **

"...I remember once when he was oh...maybe 7 or 8. We were in the kitchen baking cookies and a bird crashed into the window. Finn was so upset he had me bring the bird into the house and nurse it back to health. He even fed it some of his cookie." She shook her head. "Poor thing didn't make it in the end. It died the next day when he was at school. I never had the heart to tell him so I buried it in the yard under the flowers and told him it had flown away." ****  
** **

"He sounds like a wonderful person," Marc said. He couldn't imagine the loss Carole must feel. He shot a furtive glance at Sebastian. The thought of losing him was unbearable. ****  
** **

Burt took Carole's hand and squeezed it. She placed her other hand over Burt's but didn't say anything. She missed her son terribly but with the passing years it was becoming easier to talk about him, and remember the good times for what they were. ****  
** **

"He was," Burt said to Marc. "He was a good man, a much better one than me at any rate." ****  
** **

"Dad," Kurt tried to interrupt, but Burt shook his head. ****  
** **

"It's true, Kurt," Burt continued. "Things may have gotten off to a rocky start - as they always do when you bring two families together. Over time though, you and he really did become brothers and always had each others backs!" ****  
** **

Kurt swallowed and looked down at the table, nodding a little. "We did," he said quietly.  ****  
** **

Sebastian placed his hand on Kurt's back and rubbed it up and down soothingly. ****  
** **

Burt noticed the gesture and nodded at them both. "I know he'd have been happy for you both - I think you two would have gotten on well, Sebastian." ****  
** **

Sebastian made a noise in the back of his throat and Kurt placed a hand over his knee. He knew exactly what his boyfriend had to be thinking - he and Finn had been high school enemies. But even so, Kurt agreed with his dad. If they'd had a chance to get to know each other properly, in time, they could have been good friends. He knew how close Sebastian and Alex were, and Alex often reminded him of Finn so much it hurt.  ****  
** **

_"You need to forgive yourself for the way things were back then,"_ Kurt whispered in French. _"You're not the same person now and Finn would have seen that, just like I did. He was a pretty good judge of character."_ ****  
** **

Kurt couldn't help but remember all the times Finn had disagreed or even argued with Blaine. He wished Finn could have seen that he had found someone better now. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled weakly and squeezed Kurt's side. ****  
** **

To lighten the mood, Kurt switched back to English and added: "I remember the time he tried handing in my French homework as his own because he thought I had written it for him to help him out. It said _La_ _Fin_ at the bottom. He thought it was the french version of his name." ** **  
****

He grinned. "I wish I had the look on his face on video, when the teacher asked why he had chosen the french decadents as his favourite literature." ****  
** **

"Oh god, I can imagine it!" Carole said laughing and wiping a tear from her eye. "He never told me about that! God love him." ****  
** **

"I like the Decadent movement too," Sebastian said smiling at Kurt. "My favourite is _Les Fleurs du Mal."_ ****  
** **

Kurt returned his smile. "You're in good company, Victor Hugo apparently loved it too." He blushed a little. "I _may_ have written my essay mostly with the help of translations and Wikipedia. My French wasn't good enough to read it," he admitted. Then, his smile grew into a wicked grin. "But neither was my teacher's! The mere mention of Baudelaire had him trembling in his boots and he would usually just give me an A+ so I wouldn't expose him." ****  
** **

Everyone laughed and Burt shook his head. "That damn school-" he mumbled.  ****  
** **

"I wouldn't have dared try that at Dalton!" Kurt quickly added. "Their French teacher actually _was_ French. A few months there put me years beyond my peers at McKinley." ****  
** **

"Madame d'Amboise was my favourite teacher," Sebastian said. "Her lessons were exclusively in French and it helped settle the homesickness a little." ****  
** **

Marc leaned back in his chair. "You know, I took French in school, and yet I can't even buy a loaf of bread in France without pointing at it. And they _don't_ take kindly to that. I'd starve if it wasn't for Paul." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at Marc. "No French person would ever let you starve, dad...food is far too important." ****  
** **

Marc grinned. "Well, maybe not, but they _are_ very snooty to simple Americans who can't speak their language. We're all savages to them." ****  
** **

"Untamed beasts of the new world, _rawr,"_ Paul said playfully, making a claw of his hands at him.  ****  
** **

Carole looked at the both of them with an amused smile and then leaned over to kissed Burt's cheek. "I put out all the things you need for your secret recipe, dear," she said. "You and Kurt can start as soon as these dishes are cleared away." ****  
** **

Burt looked at the dinner table and cleared his throat. "Now there's an unsubtle hint if ever there was one," he mumbled, and got up to start stacking plates. ****  
** **

"I'll help, dad, it's okay," Kurt quickly said, getting up as well.  ****  
** **

"Do you want any help, babe?" Sebastian asked, sliding his chair back so he could stand up. ****  
** **

"No, no...enjoy your status as a guest while you can," Kurt said, a smile on his lips.  ****  
** **

Burt shot his son a questioning look, but Kurt was already headed for the kitchen with a stack of plates and had his back turned. ****  
** **

"Why don't we go into the living room while they do their thing," Carole suggested. "Who knows, maybe _Santa_ will have put a present under the tree by the time the Hummels' special chocolate is ready…" ****  
** **

She heard a pleased squeak from the kitchen and grinned. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"He seems to be doing better," Burt stated to Kurt as he joined his son at the kitchen counter. "Sebastian, I mean. With the whole…" he trailed off. ****  
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Kurt put the plates down and nodded. ****  
** **

"He is. Knowing they caught that the man responsible has helped a lot. And as you saw, he was even able to go back to Satire and sing...He's the bravest man I've ever met." ****  
** **

"Apart from _you,"_ Burt argued, putting a small pan on the stove. "But yeah, it takes a lot of guts to get back up there and put himself in the public eye like that. Is there any news about the trial yet?" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "The investigation is still going on. They said it could take months. Whittle's in temporary custody because he pleaded guilty...it will be deducted from his sentence in the end, I think." ****  
** **

"A few months off _the rest of his life_ is ok, I guess," Burt mumbled, his voice rough with a sharp edge of anger.  ****  
** **

"I'm not sure it'll actually be that long," Kurt admitted, "but we'll cross that bridge when we get there." ****  
** **

Burt shook his head. "It should be! People who do that sort of thing should either rot in prison or be hanged." ****  
** **

Kurt pressed his lips together in a tight, grim expression and nodded, unable to say anything. Having his dad acknowledge how horrible it had been both strengthened him as well as justified his anger even more. ****  
** **

He took a few steadying breaths before forcing a smile. "But, it's Christmas!" he declared. "So let's focus on our family and leave the evil of the world outside to freeze." ****  
** **

He picked up a packet of cacao powder and rummaged in the kitchen drawer for the set of measuring spoons that used to be there. ****  
** **

Burt sighed and nodded, handing Kurt the measuring spoons he was looking for. "Carole put everything out already...she sort of rearranged the kitchen so I don't always find everything." ****  
** **

"I guess that's fair," Kurt admitted. "We only use these things once a year; she should store them where she thinks it's most practical..."  ****  
** **

Still, it was _weird_ to realise that life in Ohio went on while he was in New York, and things weren't just lying around for him to pick them up again. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"...and then we were herded into this cab with two other people we didn't know and got driven around the entire city at two o'clock in the morning..." Marc shook his head. "All because numpty here didn't read the email properly." ****  
** **

"Hey, I thought I had booked a _bus,"_ Paul protested. "How was I to know that there were no busses that time of the night? It's _Rome."_ Marc shook his head at his husband. ****  
** **

"It was a death trap!" ****  
** **

"We _survived_ didn't we?" ****  
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Sebastian shook his head and Carole chuckled lightly as Marc and Paul bickered. ****  
** **

"I'd love to go to Rome one day..." Carole sighed.  ****  
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"Me too," Sebastian said.  ****  
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"Just make sure you confirm your travel plans _before!"_ Marc insisted. "And look up local transportation time tables!" ****  
** **

"Who's ready for hot-" Kurt said as he walked through the door carrying a tray with steaming mugs of hot chocolate. _"_ _Oooh, presents!"_ he squealed, the sight of the presents piled up under the tree pulling his focus. "Everyone help yourselves, I need to get some gifts from my suitcase," he said, setting the tray down before sprinting out of the room. ****  
** **

Burt followed him into the room holding a can of whipped cream, a shaker of chocolate sprinkles and a tub of mini marshmallows. He grinned as they heard Kurt bound up the stairs. "Once a year, it's like he's ten years old again," he said fondly. He looked at Carole. "Are ours...?" ****  
** **

"Yes, under the tree," she confirmed.  ****  
** **

Burt nodded and sat down. "When he was about five or six, Kurt couldn't wait until Christmas day, so his mom relented and let him open one present on Christmas Eve," he explained, though his audience had already heard the story from Kurt himself before they left. "Of course, he remembered that one year later, and a tradition was born…" ****  
** **

"I like it," Carole said. "And it wouldn't have been a bad idea for us either. Finn was always completely overwhelmed opening everything all at once on Christmas Day. I loved getting him presents, and I would already start saving them up after summer...but I admit it was a bit too much. He was an only child, after all." ****  
** **

Kurt came back down with a large paper bag with the Vogue logo. ****  
** **

"That looks promising," Paul said, winking at him. ****  
** **

"Or misleading," Burt said eyeing the bag warily. ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. "Well, _I_ don't know where _Santa_ went shopping, I am only the delivery boy." He took out a few boxes with shimmery paper and put them under the tree. Then he stepped back to admire the result, reaching back once more to adjust a label. ****  
** **

"Instagram?" he asked Sebastian. "I'm sure Alice already did theirs." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and obliged, snapping a quick picture with his phone. "Selfie?" He asked, patting his lap. ****  
** **

Kurt beamed and nodded. He picked up a mug of hot chocolate before he sat down, wrapped one arm around Sebastian's shoulders and held his drink up in a toast with his other hand. ****  
** **

"Shall I take it?" Marc offered. "So the angle is less awkward?" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "It wouldn't be a selfie, then. Besides, we look great from _every_ angle!" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and snapped a picture of the two of them. He then turned and kissed Kurt's cheek and took another. ****  
** **

For the final picture, Kurt turned his head and kissed Sebastian properly. Sebastian grinned into the kiss and snapped again. ****  
** **

"And _this_ is what you put on the internet?" Paul asked, a slightly disapproving edge to his voice. ****  
** **

"Who cares, they're in love!" Burt let out indulgently, giving Kurt and Sebastian a soft look. ****  
** **

Carole smirked. "And how many of those have _you_ had in the kitchen already?" she asked, nodding at the spiced chocolate. He was usually a lot more uncomfortable with PDAs. ****  
** **

"Don't be a grandpa about it, Paul," Marc said, nudging him. "I shudder to think what would have happened if _we'd_ had Facebook or Instagram back in the day." ****  
** **

"Only people who are my friends can see my pictures, dad," Sebastian reassured Paul. "And anyone who wants to be my friend I have to authorise..."  ****  
** **

Paul sighed, resigned. "Fine...forgive me for worrying about your safety." ****  
** **

Marc placed his hand over Paul's and squeezed. ****  
** **

"Let's have a toast before the first batch gets cold," Burt suggested, picking up a mug as well. ****  
** **

_"First_ batch?" Marc asked, raising an eyebrow. ****  
** **

"Yep, there's more where this came from. Drink up!" Burt said. "And Merry Christmas!" ****  
** **

"Your dad is in a very good mood," Carole mused, smiling at Kurt.  ****  
** **

"It's Christmas," Kurt replied, hiding a smile behind his mug. His cheeks were glowing. Everyone was here, they were about to get presents, and Sebastian had just kissed him in front of everyone. Life couldn't get much better than this. ****  
** **

"Wow, this is certainly something-" Marc started. It felt like the breath coming out of his mouth was pure alcohol fumes. ****  
** **

"It's fabulous, I want the recipe!" Paul exclaimed, smacking his lips. ****  
** **

"Maybe we'll share it with you someday," Burt said airily. "I mean, you're _practically_ family." ****  
** **

Marc and Paul beamed at him and Sebastian looked at Kurt bemused. "How much has your dad had, babe?" ****  
** **

"We only sampled!" Kurt protested. "This is just how he gets when he's enjoying himself. Now...who's first?" He eyed the tree eagerly. "How about you, Carole?" ****  
** **

Carole beamed. ****  
** **

"I have just the thing!" Burt said, bending down under the tree to retrieve a small parcel. He groaned as he knelt back. "God, this was a lot easier twenty years ago!" ****  
** **

The parents all laughed as Burt got to his feet with more groans. He handed the present to Carole. "Merry Christmas, honey," he said softly. ****  
** **

"Merry Christmas," Carole echoed. She shot Kurt an excited look before concentrating on the parcel. ****  
** **

"Oh, Burt! They are lovely!" ****  
** **

Kurt leaned over a little to peek. Carole had unwrapped a small jewellery box. It held two small pearl earrings in a soft shimmering pink. His dad looked very pleased with himself. ****  
** **

"Kurt didn't help me," Burt said proudly, wanting to make it clear. "I picked them out myself." ****  
** **

"It's true, I had no idea," Kurt said, happily surprised. ****  
** **

"I love them," Carole said, and kissed Burt's cheek. "Thank you." ****  
** **

"You go next!" Kurt announced, looking at his dad. ****  
** **

"Hold on, hold on," Carole shushed him, taking one of the earrings out of the box and slipping it in her ear. Burt dutifully handed her the other one, holding it delicately in his large hands. ****  
** **

"You look beautiful," he said.  ****  
** **

Carole blushed and beamed at her husband. ****  
** **

"They're beautiful," Sebastian agreed. ****  
** **

"Paul's turn!" Marc said. "If that's okay?" ****  
** **

Burt nodded and waved his hand towards the tree as an offering. ****  
** **

Marc smiled and moved to the floor, crawling across the carpet to the base of the tree. He picked up a present and turned to give it to his husband. "So you can stop stealing mine," he joked. ****  
** **

Paul unwrapped the paper and pulled out a pair of nice leather gloves.  ****  
** **

"They have a thick fleece lining to keep your hands warm," Marc added. ****  
** **

Paul ran his long fingers over the raised seams admiringly and smiled. He slipped a hand inside and made a fist. "A perfect fit," he said. ****  
** **

Marc smiled. "Well, I know your size by now," he said, winking at him. ****  
** **

Paul briefly cocked his head and waggled an eyebrow at him. ****  
** **

Kurt laughed and playfully clasped his hands over Sebastian's ears.

Burt, sensing a sex-reference, blushed a little and fumbled with the empty earring box. "Th-those are some pretty nice gloves!" he stammered. ****  
** **

"They are," Paul agreed. "Thank you, Marc." ****  
** **

"I'll go next," Kurt offered, sensing his dad's discomfort. He got off Sebastian's lap and reached under the tree. ****  
** **

With a big smile, he handed Sebastian a long, thin present. It held a stylish bracelet; several loops of braided black leather held together by a flat stainless steel clasp. When he picked it out, Kurt had imagined it would look very sexy on Sebastian's wrist, especially after all the time he had spent wearing that ugly brace. He bit his lip as Sebastian started to open it. ****  
** **

He did so carefully, opening the wrappings at one end and tipping the bracelet out onto his hand.  Sebastian discarded the paper and picked the band up so he could see it in the light. He fingered the leather carefully, examining each weave and braid closely. It was lovely. ****  
** **

"Thank you," he said to Kurt with a smile. "It's beautiful." He leant over and kissed him softly. He handed the bracelet to Kurt and held out his wrist for him to put it on. ****  
** **

"It has an engraving on the inside," Kurt said shyly, showing him the small calligraphic _K.H._ on the steel clasp. Butterflies swirled in his stomach. "...is that okay?" He was torn between hoping Sebastian liked it and being afraid he might think it was tacky. ****  
** **

Sebastian turned the clasp into the light so he could see it and smiled. ****  
** **

"This your way of branding me, babe?" he asked with a wink. ****  
** **

Kurt blushed. "No, just...so you won't forget," he said, suddenly wishing he'd saved it to give to Sebastian in private. ****  
** **

Sebastian smirked and kissed Kurt. "I love it, thank you." ****  
** **

He held out his left wrist again. "Put it on me?" ****  
** **

Kurt took the bracelet and fitted it around Sebastian's wrist. His hands lingered briefly after the clasp was closed, caressing Sebastian's pulse. Then, he smiled softly and let go, pleased that it looked as good as he had imagined it would. ****  
** **

Sebastian got up and took something from under the tree. He handed Kurt a flat, soft package and sat down again.  ****  
** **

Kurt was still watching him, feeling an odd mixture of nerves and pride. ****  
** **

"Go on, open yours," Sebastian said, stroking the leather on his wrist absentmindedly. ****  
** **

Kurt could tell Sebastian was genuinely pleased with his present, which meant he could finally open his own. He was burning to see what Sebastian had got him. At least it was too big to be a scarf, Blaine's go-to present. ****  
** **

He beamed at Sebastian and tore at the wrapping paper. As soon as he could see a sliver of the fabric through the paper folds, he gasped. ****  
** **

"Bas, you didn't," he muttered, reverently pushing the paper aside. "You did...?" ****  
** **

Kurt picked up the designer piece carefully. "I've been talking about this for weeks," he explained to their parents. "I was hoping I might get one on eBay after winter sales...but this...it's not online yet! I checked." He gave Sebastian a stern look. "There's no sale yet." ****  
** **

Kurt knew he ought to protest - it was way too expensive. He bit his lip. "Can I try it on?" ****  
** **

They might still be able to return it if he folded it back up nearly afterward. ****  
** **

Sebastian beamed at Kurt's reaction and rolled his eyes fondly. "No Kurt, I bought it for you so you could hang up on the wall and stare at it..." He shook his head. "Of course you can try it on." ****  
** **

He could see Kurt open his mouth  and he cut his boyfriend off. ****  
** **

"And before you protest, it really wasn't that bad. I couldn't get the jacket or the pants and I wanted to get you more than a scarf and so I went with that. It's non-returnable, and by that I mean: the only way we'll be taking it back is if it somehow doesn't fit, which it _will_ because I got the right size." ****  
** **

He kissed Kurt's startled face with a grin. ****  
** **

"So just enjoy the present and don't worry about how much it cost. Please?" ****  
** **

Kurt nodded, pressing his lips together in barely contained excitement, and jumped up from the couch to go and change. ****  
** **

A few minutes later, he came back into the room with his new shirt. Sebastian had been right. It fit like a glove, and the pattern accentuated his build. Kurt raised his chin and spun on his heels to show it off. ****  
** **

"Is it supposed to be that tight?" Burt asked Carole quietly, but not quiet enough. ****  
** **

Kurt shot Sebastian an apologetic look and replied "Yes, dad, it's supposed to fit like this. It's slim cut." ****  
** **

Burt shrugged awkwardly. "Just thought it looked kinda small. But you know I don't know about stuff like that." ****  
** **

Kurt sighed. "It's okay, dad. You're not the one wearing it. I like the way it fits. I love it." He moved back to the couch and sat next to Sebastian. "Thank you." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled and wrapped his arm around Kurt, pulling him close. ****  
** **

"You're welcome," he said with a smile. He leaned in a bit closer so only Kurt would hear and added, "You look really hot." ****  
** **

Sebastian knew he had made the right choice. The material stretched across Kurt's broad shoulders in the most delicious way, showing off all the hard work he put into his workout routines. In Sebastian's opinion, it was worth every penny.  ****  
** **

Kurt beamed a smile at him. He couldn't wait to show it off at work after Christmas. He'd never had a _real_ designer piece before the clearance sales. "Oh!" he let out. "I need to send Tristan a picture!" He handed Sebastian his phone and struck a pose. "I bet he'll be crazy jealous." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and obligingly snapped pictures of Kurt trying different poses. "I'm sure he will be...of _me.!"_ Sebastian said, leering a little. ****  
** **

"Who's Tristan?" Burt asked. ****  
** **

"One of my colleagues at Vogue," Kurt replied, looking down on his phone, his fingers flying over the screen typing a quick message to go with the picture. He sent it off and looked up. ****  
** **

"He's the interim head of the San Francisco office. He came over to New York last month for a couple of meetings and we went shopping together." ****  
** **

"He used to be a model," Marc commented casually. "Cute, but you know, skin and bones…" ****  
** **

Burt raised his eyebrows. "You met him too?" ****  
** **

"Sure. They came to Satire together." He saw Burt's expression and added: "Sebastian was there, too." ****  
** **

"Oh! Okay," Burt mumbled, shrugging at Carole. ****  
** **

"Tristan is not interested in me, dad. Not that it would matter if he was-" Kurt said, and offered Sebastian a smile. Kurt's phone buzzed. He glanced down at it and smirked. ****  
** **

**from: Tristan [19:20]**

**I hate you!! Jk you deserve it :) Merry Christmas! My love to you & Sebastian!! ps Gabrielle says hi** ****  
** **

Attached was a picture of Tristan and Gabrielle under the impressive dome of the Westfield San Francisco Center decked out in twinkling lights. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled and showed Sebastian, then held it out to his dad. "On the left, dad," he said helpfully, not wanting to put his father in the position of having to assume Tristan's gender.  ****  
** **

"Gabrielle is there for Christmas with him, huh? Wow, they're getting close!" Sebastian smiled. ****  
** **

"Gabrielle is one of Kurt's vendors, their boutique is amazing! Even if they don't stock what you're after, they can point you in the right direction," Sebastian explained to the room. "They came and met us at Satire the night Tristan and Kurt got his boss fired and they both hit it off..." ****  
** **

"Wow, that's one amazing dress," Carole said, admiring the picture. ****  
** **

"Gabrielle probably made it themself," Kurt said, looking at the picture again critically. He didn't recognise it as a label design. ****  
** **

"I don't get it," Burt said. "How-?" ****  
** **

"They're genderfluid-" Kurt started to explain. "It means-" ****  
** **

"No, I mean, how did you get your friend's boss fired?" Burt cut him off. ****  
** **

Kurt, looking pleasantly surprised, told him about Tristan, Roy, Isabelle and Gabrielle, while the others sipped their hot chocolate. ****  
** **

"...and apparently they are dating now," Kurt finished. ****  
** **

Burt shook his head a little. "I'm proud of you, son," he said, ducking his nose into his mug right after. Carole rubbed her hand over his back. ****  
** **

"How about a present, darling?" she suggested, and got up to pick a flat package from under the tree. "Now Kurt _did_ help me with this one," she admitted, "but I hope you like it anyway." ****  
** **

Burt took the box from Carole and felt the weight of it in his hands. "What could this be?" he asked curious. ****  
** **

"Open it and find out!" Carole laughed. ****  
** **

Burt smirked a little and ripped the paper open. "Wow," he said looking at the image on the box. "A kindle?" ****  
** **

"Yes! You're always saying how impractical your books are when you want to read in bed - this is lightweight and you don't need a night light!" ****  
** **

Burt grinned. "So _you_ can sleep?" He looked at Kurt and Sebastian. "This is what married life looks like at my age, boys - ‘tips and tricks for the bedroom' involve how to catch as much sleep as possible..." He chuckled and turned to Carole. "Just kidding, honey. You know I had my eye on one of these. I have no idea how they work, but I bet I'm gonna find out now." ****  
** **

Sebastian laughed. "Don't worry Burt, I can show you how to use it." ****  
** **

"It comes with a year subscription to Kindle Unlimited, so you can download any book in the library." Carole said. ****  
** **

"I have one too, it's great," Paul said. "Though now that you mention it, I _do_ wonder why Marc said I should get one..." He winked at his husband. ****  
** **

Kurt faked a shudder. "Please, enough with the old people bedroom stories!" he pleaded. "Can we just unwrap presents and get drunk?" ****  
** **

"Now _that_ is a plan I can support!" Paul said standing up. "I believe there is one person left who hasn't received a pre-Christmas present yet." ****  
** **

He squatted down by the tree and picked up a present wrapped neatly in green paper. ****  
** **

Marc took it and smiled at Paul. He ripped the paper off and gasped. _"Bossypants!_ I've been wanting to read this for weeks!" ****  
** **

_"I know._ ..that's why I bought it." Paul said rolling his eyes. "Don't read it all in bed, though…" ****  
** **

"Oh my god," Sebastian said. "I _love_ Tina Fey!" He turned to Burt and gave him a quick summary of the book. ****  
** **

"Can I get that on my kindle too?" Burt asked interested. ****  
** **

Kurt sipped his drink and listened to the men in his life discuss books. ****  
** **

Carole smiled at him and he smiled back. Kurt couldn't help but think of Thanksgiving and how he had poured his heart out to her. It had felt good to get it all out in the open, and having a mom to talk to again was not something he thought he'd get tired of any time soon. ****  
** **

Sebastian was getting better day by day, and they were almost back to how things had been before the summer. ****  
** **

Thinking back on it, the  night Sebastian had spent on his own while Kurt was with Tristan had been the turning point for them. It hadn't been planned and could quite easily have ended in catastrophe. But it hadn't. It had helped give Sebastian more confidence in his own ability to deal with unexpected circumstances. Going back to Satire had been the right step, too.  ****  
** **

Following the capture of Whittle had been another paving slab laid down on the road to recovery and had led to them being able make love again. Kurt knew sex wasn't what made a relationship, but for him, it was important to feel that intimate with his partner. It wasn't like before - there was a lot more negotiation and planning, deliberate actions rather than instinct and improvisation - but maybe some of their precautions would become so second-nature someday that it wouldn't be as jarring. ****  
** **

"Are you okay?" Carole asked quietly. ****  
** **

"Yes," Kurt replied, hoping to express as much in that one word as he could until they had a moment to themselves to talk. ****  
** **

Carole beamed and looked at him properly. He really did seem to be okay. She thought back to last Christmas and the uneasy feeling she'd had when looking at him and Blaine. He'd _said_ he'd been okay then, too - but differently. ****  
** **

_What a difference a year makes_ , she thought. Kurt was settled at school and work, doors were opening up for him in both the performing arts and fashion and he had a loving, caring boyfriend who, despite everything he'd been through, kept showing up for her son. It made her feel pleasantly warm. ****  
** **

"Who's up for _Love Actually_ then?" Burt called to the room at large and was answered with a chorus of cheers. ****  
** **

Carole smiled at Kurt. This year was shaping up to be the best Christmas in a long time.


	41. Baby It's Cold Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Christmas Day and Sebastian gets an unexpected phone call.

Kurt had been awake for a while when Sebastian woke up. Perfectly content to doze with his boyfriend in his arms, Kurt only opened his eyes every now and then to look at Sebastian and marvel at the peace with which he slept. Such a thing had been unimaginable a few months ago. 

He looked at Sebastian's hand, curled in a loose fist on the pillow. He was still wearing his new bracelet. Kurt tightened his arms around him a little. 

Sebastian stirred a little as he felt Kurt move and smiled into his pillow. Waking up in Kurt's arms and surrounded by his body and warmth really _was_ his favourite place in the world. 

After the memories of his past resurfaced, he'd been so scared that he'd lost this forever. However, months of therapy and working together was paying off. 

As his eyes adjusted to the light, he cast them around the room. They finally came to rest on his hand and the leather band encircling his wrist. He felt an excited jolt in his stomach at the knowledge that Kurt's initials were hidden under the clasp, right over his pulse. It was like a little bit of Kurt was pumping directly to his heart. 

Sebastian felt eyes on him and rolled over in his boyfriend's embrace to look up at the blue eyes that held his every hope for the future.

"Merry Christmas, boyfriend," Sebastian whispered with a smile. 

Kurt smiled back. "Merry Christmas," he said, bridging the gap between them with a kiss. And another. And then some more. 

"I love you," Kurt whispered after drawing back, and as he heard himself saying it, he realised what it meant. 

Last summer, before everything in their life changed, saying 'I love you' felt like a line, a trick; something that people like Blaine used strategically to get what they wanted. Kurt had believed that if you _really_ loved someone, it would _show,_  and there was no need for phrases. Sebastian had asked him to say the words anyway, because it was something he needed to hear. Kurt had promised to work on it. 

Then Satire happened, and Kurt had been faced with a cold reality: any opportunity to say _I love you_ could be their last. And so he said it - whenever they said goodbye, when they went to sleep, when they woke up, and whenever he saw Sebastian and felt he couldn't keep it inside - not just because Sebastian needed to hear it, but because _he_ needed to say it. He never, ever, wanted there to be any more doubt about it.

Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt again. He'd never get tired of hearing it. "I love you too," he whispered. "How things can change in a year."

"Mmm..." Kurt agreed, then grinned. "I wonder what you would have said last year when you were celebrating at Marc and Paul's, if someone had told you you'd be coming back to _Ohio_ this year..."

Sebastian chuckled lightly. "If I had known it meant being with you I'd have jumped at the chance...not that I believed that this would ever happen."

"Me neither," Kurt admitted. "I'm glad you made me see I was settling for less...because I deserve the _best;_ and that's _you."_ He kissed Sebastian again. "Shall we get up and see what's for breakfast? Carole mentioned something about waffles last night because of the leftover whipped cream from the hot chocolate..."

Sebastian grinned and kissed Kurt again, sliding his hand down Kurt's back. "Oh, I dunno...breakfast can wait a bit?" he said in a husky voice. 

Kurt's eyes glittered. "Miss July does say pre-breakfast workouts are the best way to start up your metabolism," he joked. 

- 

"Good morning," Carole said cheerfully as the two of them came into the kitchen a little while later. "We left some breakfast waffles for you." 

"Yeah, you can have them for lunch," Burt teased, making a show of checking his watch. 

"Come on, it's Christmas!" Carole reminded him. "If that's not a good time to sleep in, I don't know what is." 

"Oh we woke up a while ago," Sebastian said lightly, winking at Kurt. "We just thought we'd make the most of not having to get up for school." 

Kurt saw Carole try to catch his eye and ducked his head, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. Sebastian's spontaneity and his frankness about it were good things ( _very_ good), but with the return of their sex life, awkwardness around the parents inevitably returned as well.

"Waffles, then?" he suggested, leaving Sebastian's side to go to the kitchen.

Sebastian grinned and moved to sit between Marc and Paul at the table. 

Completely oblivious, Paul stretched luxuriously. "Mmm...yes, sleeping in is great. You know, I miss the dogs, but I did _not_ miss our walk at 7am this morning!" 

Poppy and Lola were in a "doggy retreat" for the holidays, now that their designated dog-sitter was also in Ohio. 

"Me neither," Marc said with a sigh. "It took me a while to fall asleep last night. I'm still on my work rhythm, it always takes a few jet lagged days to get into holiday mode." 

"Oh yes, I remember that from my night shifts in the ER," Carole said.

"I miss the dogs too," Sebastian said. "But we all know that they're having the time of their lives with Nancy!"

"Oh yeah, she sent us a picture this morning," Marc said, taking out his phone. "Look at this; _adorable_ _!"_  

Poppy and Lola were sitting in front of a christmas tree, two rubber squeaky toys with the ribbons still on in their mouths. Poppy was even wearing a little party hat.

"Looks like they already opened their presents," Kurt said, coming back to the table with a plate of waffles. The mention of presents reminded him that he had another little gift for Sebastian. Anticipation made a balloon of joy swell in his chest.

"I have a little something for them, when we get home," Sebastian said.

"They _are_ lovely dogs," Carole said looking at the photo over their shoulders. 

"They are," Marc agreed. "And great beards." He chuckled. "You know, when people simply don't _get_ it, and assume our wives are called 'Poppy' and 'Lola'. You could be like 'No, Lola's a _dog,'_  and they'd still go 'yeah man, mine too, ugh." 

Carole frowned a little and Marc blushed. 

"I'm sorry," he offered. "That was rude." 

Carole shook it off. "It's not your fault how other people talk about their wives," she said. 

Burt patted her hand. "You are lovely, and I would never tell anyone otherwise," he said quietly. 

Kurt and Sebastian ate breakfast while Marc entertained everyone with anecdotes from the new book he had started reading, hoping to make up for his faux-pas. After finishing his waffles, Kurt put down his fork and wiped his lips on a napkin. "Why don't we clear up here and open some more presents?" he suggested. 

"Sounds good kid," Burt said, handing Kurt his plate. 

Kurt raised an eyebrow. 

"I'm kidding!" Burt shook his head and stood up. He started collecting the plates up into a pile. 

"Oh my god, Kurt, quick take a picture!" Carole gasped. "Burt's helping!" 

"Ha. Ha," Burt let out, and shot everyone a look that was so like _Kurt_ in a huff that everyone laughed. 

- 

Five minutes later, they were all settled back in the living room, the lights of the christmas tree twinkling merrily. 

"So, Kurt, what have you got prepared for us this year?" Burt said conversationally after they had sat down, smiling broadly. 

"Um," Kurt frowned, "...what?" 

"Come on, no Christmas matinée? Surely you have _something_ up your sleeve," Burt continued, very pleased that his little joke was playing out as he planned. "You see, Sebastian, on Christmas morning, Kurt here used to make me sit through _hours_ of singing and tap dancing-" 

Kurt groaned. "Dad, I haven't done that in _years_ \- and it wasn't hours!" he protested, looking at Sebastian to see on whose side he was. 

"They were the full Broadway versions of all your current favourites, Kurt, encores and reprises included," Burt continued mercilessly. 

Carole was watching it unfold with a hand diplomatically hiding her smile. 

Sebastian grinned and wrapped his arm around Kurt. "I don't know why you're embarrassed, babe?" he said. "I bet it was adorable. And you never pass up the opportunity to perform..." 

Kurt shrugged. "It was ages ago, and I didn't have the opportunity to perform anywhere else." 

"So you _created_ the opportunity, I think that's great!" Paul said. 

"And he was amazing at the Benefit," Marc added. "They both were." He grinned at the image of a young Kurt dressed up in a variety of costumes dancing around the living room twirling props and singing at the top of his lungs. "Burt, please tell me you have old home videos?" he asked eagerly. "We have _dad catch-up needs_. _"_  

"Et tu, Brute?" Kurt mumbled, sighing. 

"Of course I have videos," Burt said, finally ending his little teasing game. "You have no idea how proud I was of him. It was the highlight of the year. I always knew he'd end up at a place like NYADA. He could memorise lyrics to complicated songs when other kids still struggled with their spelling bees." 

Kurt looked up at his father, and saw the genuine pride in his eyes at telling this story. It choked him up a little. 

Carole reached out and took Kurt's hand. "I'd really like it if you sang for us, Kurt," she said kindly. She looked at Sebastian. "Maybe the both of you...?" 

Sebastian smiled at her and then turned to Kurt, his eyebrow raised. "How about it, babe?"

Kurt looked at him. It was their first Christmas together. Hummel childhood sentiment notwithstanding, Christmas duets had always been a Kurt-and-Blaine thing. Should they really continue that doomed 'tradition'? On the other hand, Kurt thought, maybe it was time to stop avoiding everything that reminded him of Blaine and just make _new_ memories instead. He _did_ love singing with Sebastian…The thought made him smile. 

Sebastian took it as acceptance and started to sing. 

 _"I really can't stay..."_  

Kurt froze for a moment. New memories indeed. Did it have to be _that_ song? But Sebastian couldn't know, or Kurt was sure he wouldn't have picked it.  It also helped that Sebastian had taken what used to be _his_ part. 

With his NYADA improvisation training, it only took Kurt a split second before he put on a slightly smoldering smile and replied: _"But baby, it's cold outside..."_  

He got up and gallantly offered Sebastian his hand to help him from his chair. They might as well give it a full show; he was sure both of them knew enough steps to put something together without having to resort to climbing furniture. 

 _"I have to go away,"_ Sebastian sang, dancing away from Kurt. 

Kurt followed him and placed his hands on Sebastian's waist, singing into his ear. _"But baby, it's cold outside..._ " 

Sebastian smiled and turned into Kurt's embrace a little, as if in contemplation. _"This evening has been so very nice."_  

Carole was watching them in rapture. Burt looked a little amused, but soft-eyed, like he was caught up in memories. Marc and Paul were grinning. 

Kurt took Sebastian's hands. _"I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice!"_ Kurt kissed them in turn. 

Sebastian playfully pulled his hands out of his grip, offering him a coy smile as he stepped away towards Marc and Paul. 

 _"My father will start to worry…"_ he sang, putting a hand on Marc's shoulder. _"The other will be pacing the floor…" He winked at Paul._  

Carole laughed in delight, clapping her hands together. 

Kurt felt his heart flutter but stayed in character. 

 _"Just listen to that fire place roar..."_ he sang, gesturing towards the fireplace. 

 _"So really I'd better scurry..."_ Sebastian backed away towards the door. 

 _"Beautiful, please don't hurry-"_ Kurt pleaded. He rounded the table to cut off Sebastian's way to the door, opening his arms invitingly. 

 _"...Maybe just half a drink more,"_ Sebastian relented, grinning and stepping into his embrace. 

Kurt beamed a smile at him. _"Put some records on while I pour…"_  

They flirted around the room, in turns coy, seductive and playful, and Kurt never once thought back about singing in the Dalton common room. 

 _"The neighbours might think-"_ Sebastian sang, shrugging helplessly. 

 _"Baby, it's bad out there!"_ Kurt answered, faking an exaggerated shudder that made Burt laugh out loud. Paul was nodding his approval. This was as theatrical as he had ever seen them, and it was delightful. 

Sebastian mimed sipping a glass and threw a sly smirk Kurt's way. _"Say, what's in this drink?"_  

Kurt stepped into Sebastian's space and ran a finger down his cheek. _"No cabs to be had out there."_  

 _"I wish I knew how,"_ Sebastian sighed at Kurt's touch. 

 _"Your eyes are like starlight now,"_ Kurt sang and Sebastian raised his eyes to look at Kurt. 

 _"...to break this spell,_ " he sang. 

When Kurt looked into Sebastian's eyes, he nearly broke out of character. He brushed the back of his fingers over Sebastian's cheek, seeing the many lights of the christmas tree reflected back at him. Kurt moved to kiss him, but Sebastian, not forgetting about their performance, stepped away with a grin and took them into the next set of lines. 

 _"I ought to say no, no, no sir,"_ he sang mock-sternly, waggling his finger, and Kurt, remembering his part, sang _"mind if I move a little closer?"_ just in time, and with a small kick-and-sidestep, danced his way back to Sebastian's side. 

 _"At least I'm gonna say that I tried..."_ Sebastian sang, shrugging before mirroring Kurt's steps to bridge the last of the distance between them. _"_ _I really can't stay..._ " he continued, but made no attempt to move away. He was looking down at Kurt with heavy eyes and a massive smile. 

"Their voices are so amazing," Carole whispered to Marc. 

"I haven't heard Kurt sing the _guy_ part before," Burt commented. "Usually it was Blaine who-" He broke off when he saw Carole look at him. "I guess they're both guy parts when two guys sing it," he added quickly. 

 _"Oh, but it's cold outside…!"_ Kurt and Sebastian finished the song together, their hands linked. As the song faded out, they met in the middle in a kiss. Sebastian grinned against Kurt's mouth and pulled him in closer. 

A round of applause from their parents brought them back to reality and they grinned at each other, breaking away to take a bow in front of their audience. 

"Bravo!" Paul called out. "That was beautiful!" 

Sebastian smiled at Paul. 

"Thanks dad," he said quietly. "That's always been one of my favourite songs." 

"Mine too!" Marc said. 

Sebastian looked back at Kurt and ran his hand down Kurt's arm. The look he was giving him made something stir inside Sebastian's chest. 

"I think it might be mine again too, now," Kurt said, still looking at Sebastian. 

"I say the first presents ought to go to Seb and Kurt!" Marc suggested. 

"Hear, hear," Paul agreed. 

"Here, try this one. It's from us," Marc said. He reached under the tree and took up a large box. He held it out to them.

It was enough to pull Kurt and Sebastian out of their bubble. They broke eye contact and looked down at Marc. 

"Thank you," Sebastian said taking the box from his dad and moving to sit on the other couch. Kurt sat next to him and Sebastian placed the box between them. "Together?" Sebastian asked him. 

"Yes," Kurt said happily. He started peeling the tape on one side, lifting the box up a little to reach it. "It's heavy!" he commented. 

"We wrapped some bricks for you," Marc joked. "So you can start building a starter-home."

Burt snorted. "That'll take a while…"

"Marc's kidding, it's just a suitcase full of money," Paul joined in. "So you can _buy_ a starter-home."

"Now that's the real spirit of Christmas," Carole said, shaking her head a little.

"Aww, and here I was hoping for a puppy!" Sebastian joked, sliding his finger under the paper to un-stick a tab of sellotape.

They unwrapped the paper together and revealed an intricately designed box. Sebastian lifted the lid and set it aside.

"Wow," he said, looking at the contents. He lifted out a bottle of wine and examined the label. _"Château Neuf Du Pape?"_ He looked up at his dads. "Thank you!"

Kurt brushed his hands admiringly over a luxury candle box, tracing the raised gold letters of the brand. Nestled between the filling material and the wine, there was also two packets of mixed nuts, chocolate and a glass jar of olives. Then he discovered the card, and smiled. It showed a picture of a pillow fort, complete with a draped blanket roof and Christmas lights. Inside, it simply said 'Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.'

"I love it," Kurt said softly. "Thank you so much."

"For a night when you need to shut out the world and just be together," Paul said.

"It's perfect! Thank you so much!" Sebastian said, beaming at him.

"That's lovely," Carole agreed. Burt was holding her hand and giving the two of them a sentimental smile.

"Okay, your turn," Kurt announced. He reached under the tree and took out two flat packages, shot a private smile at Sebastian, and handed one of them to Carole and one to Marc. "They're for all of you," he added.

Marc and Carole smiled at each other and opened their presents simultaneously. They each unwrapped a picture frame...with Sebastian's published article.

"My boyfriend is a published author," Kurt said proudly.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Carole let out. "Congratulations!"

"It came out last month! How come we knew nothing about this?" Paul asked, moving his eyes from the frame to look at his son. "I would have liked to have bragged about this at my last med school alumni meeting!"

"Kurt wanted to surprise you for Christmas," Sebastian said, looking away a little and blushing.

Marc was reading it, occasionally nodding. "This is really good, Seb."

"Thanks. I, uh...it was just an assignment for school. I didn't know Kurt was sending it in, and even if I had known I would have never expected them to print it! They probably only did because Kurt used his Vogue contacts."

"They _printed it_ because they thought it was good, too," Kurt said frowning a little at him. It worried him to see this insecure side to Sebastian. It was a reminder that despite how far they'd come, they weren't quite out of the woods yet. "I may have called in a favour or two to get it onto someone's desk, but they didn't have to run it." He put his hand on Sebastian's. _"Show me some of that high school attitude, baby,"_ he added quietly.

Sebastian gave him a small smile and nodded. "Better hold on to that, it'll be worth a lot once I'm famous," he said lightly.

Kurt nodded approvingly. He didn't want to push Sebastian's recovery, but he knew from experience that _fake it until you make it_ sometimes did actually help a little.

They took turns giving each other the rest of the presents, and it was heartwarming to see how much effort everyone had gone through to find something they thought the recipient would like. Each gift had a story behind it, or a long-coveted wish.

"Okay, this one's for Kurt," Carole announced, taking a gift from under the tree.

Kurt yelped excitedly and took the large box from her. "With love, mom and dad," he read the label out loud, and sighed a little, visibly touched. He opened it carefully, trapping his lower lip between his teeth. When he saw what was inside, he had to do a double-take.

"Sebastian helped pick it out," Carole said.

"The both of them were on the phone for _hours,_ conspiring," Burt added.

Kurt reverently touched the jacket that matched his new shirt. He didn't quite know what to say. He looked from Carole to Sebastian, who were both beaming at him.

"Thank you," he said finally. "I...you already know I _love_ this!" With the help of Sebastian, who held the jacket out for him, he shrugged it on and buttoned two of the buttons. He smoothed it down with his hands, admiring the feel of the fabric and the cut.

Sebastian fixed the collar and stepped back to admire Kurt.

"Damn babe, it definitely looks better on you than it did on the mannequin."

"Kurt, you look so handsome," Carole said, beaming at him.

"You do," Paul agreed. "I think I'm going to need one of those, too."

Marc breathed in to say something, then changed his mind and just smiled.

Burt bit his lip. He had never understood his son's sense of fashion but to _him,_  a jacket was something to keep you warm.

"It's got rips all up the arms...aren't you gonna get cold like that?" he asked, despite knowing better. 

Kurt preened happily under the compliments, turning this way and that, and not even his dad's remark could bring him down. Instead, he turned to him, and, still in show-mode, sang slowly:  _"_ _The snow is snowing and the wind it is blowing, but I can weather the storm...I've got my love to keep me warm..."_  

Burt groaned, a little sorry he asked. 

Sebastian chuckled and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, pulling him back onto the sofa to sit on his lap. Kurt looked over his shoulder and smiled, leaning back to kiss him. 

Carole used the moment to take another present from under the tree.

"This one's for you, Sebastian," she said, handing it to him.

Kurt looked from Carole to Burt in surprise, and then to Sebastian. It wasn't his; it had to be from his parents too. He shifted off Sebastian's lap so he could accept the present.

Sebastian looked up at Carole in surprise as well.  "Thank you!" he said, taking the gift from her. "You really didn't have to."

"Don't be silly," Carole said, brushing it off with a smile. "You're family."

Sebastian blushed and slowly unwrapped his present. The paper fell away to reveal a thick knitted wool sweater in a dark shade of green.

"This is amazing!" he said with a grin. "Thank you so much."

"I thought it'd match your eyes," Carole offered, a little shy. "I wasn't sure about the size…"

Sebastian took his hoodie off and pulled the warm wool over his head. It was lovely and soft. It was a little big for him, but he liked it. He stood up and wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

"Thank you!"

He held his hand out to Burt.

Burt took it, and got up. "Can I get a hug like that too?" he asked.

Sebastian blinked a little bit stepped forward and hugged Burt. He felt something catch in the back of his throat as Burt engulfed him in a bear hug.

Marc and Paul smiled at each other and their hands found each other between them.

"Thank you," Sebastian said again, stepping out of the hug. "I love it!"

"Well, it was a good hug, but don't read too much into it," Burt joked, winking at him.

"Oh my god, dad," Kurt muttered, a little embarrassed as his father laughed about his own joke. He quickly got up to distract attention. "I've got one more for you, Bas," he said, suddenly feeling  giddy. He handed Sebastian the gift.

Sebastian laughed at Burt's joke as he took the gift from Kurt and sat back down. As he felt the weight of the package he glanced at his boyfriend - who looked a little nervous.

Intrigued, he carefully ripped open the wrapping paper and revealed a long tin box. With a little frown he prised the lid off and felt his heart catch in his chest when he saw what was inside.

"Kurt," he whispered, sucking in a breath. "Is this-"

"It's _quarte-quarts._ I made it myself," Kurt said quickly. Then, unable to help himself, he continued. "I remembered you said it was your favourite but that you didn't want to try it in the US because you didn't think they'd be able to make it properly. Until you got to Dalton and the cafeteria actually managed to get it right… So I pulled a few strings and got a name, and then email-bombed the lunch lady...I actually pulled a _Tristan_ and said it was a life-or-death situation!"

He rolled his eyes a little. "And after promising I wouldn't sell it to Starbucks New York, she gave me the recipe. Apparently, it's all about the egg whites."

Kurt stopped talking and looked at his boyfriend.

Sebastian was staring at him in a way he never had before. "You remembered?" he whispered in awe.

Kurt shrugged, suddenly feeling shy. "I like it when you talk about food…" He always had - right from that first time Sebastian had come to the diner for a free breakfast. He had told Kurt all about the things he used to eat in France, and it had been fascinating.

"I-"  Sebastian felt a tear run down his cheek and closed his mouth, shaking his head a little. "Thank you," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss Kurt hard. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Kurt breathed, a little winded from his kiss. "I liked making it." Mostly, he had liked looking forward to making Sebastian happy. If they couldn't go to France, he'd have to bring France to the States.

Sebastian pulled away and broke a piece of cake off the loaf. He'd cut it properly later but, for now, he couldn't wait to taste it.

As the soft buttery sponge touched his tongue he closed his eyes and sighed.

 _'It tastes like home,'_ he whispered.

"So it's some sort of French cake?" Burt asked, unsure what the fuss was about.

Carole watched with apprehension as she read between the lines. She knew Sebastian had to miss the country he grew up in, even if he didn't miss the family who had abandoned him. It warmed her heart to see Kurt try and bring it back for him.

Sebastian set the cake down and looked around, realising everyone was watching him eat. He quickly swallowed.

"It's the French version of the pound cake," he explained. "It is much lighter and tastier than what they make here. I'll cut it up later and we can all share it."

"Oh, you don't have to, it's your gift!" Paul immediately said.

"No, I _want_ to share this with you," Sebastian said. He looked determined to make all of them see the glory of perfect French pastry.

Kurt let out a shaky sigh, feeling a little emotional himself just by watching Sebastian. He shook himself out of it by zeroing in on his dad.

"It may be lighter than pound cake but you still have to watch your cholesterol, dad," he said sternly. "So only a small piece."

Burt glared at him. "One slice of cake is not going to kill me, Kurt!"

Marc grinned, and then looked around. There was soft music coming from somewhere.

"I think someone's phone is ringing," he said, reaching into his back pocket out of habit, even though he was pretty sure it wasn't his.

Kurt frowned. Who'd be calling them now, on Christmas day? Everyone was _here._

Sebastian stopped and focused on the sound. "It's mine," he said with a frown. "...Maybe it's Alice?"

Kurt smiled. "She probably wants to tell you what Brody got her," he said. He already knew, but had promised not to tell. "Why don't you go answer and I'll make us a round of coffee to go with the cake?"

"Tell her Merry Christmas from us," Marc said.

Sebastian smiled and nodded. "I'll be back," he said and got up off the sofa.

He hurried through the house and took the stairs two at a time, making it to his phone just before it hit voicemail.

"Alice?" he said, slightly out of breath.

"Mr Smythe?"

Sebastian froze. He recognised the voice, but he couldn't place it.

"Yes?" he asked nervously.

"It's Agent Sibyl Flores from the FBI, are you free to talk?"

Sebastian felt his blood run cold. "I am, yes...hello Sibyl. How can I help you?"

"Sebastian, I'm sorry to bother you at Christmas, but I promised to inform you if there were any new developments in the case." Sibyl paused to take a breath and it felt like an eternity.

"We were able to apprehend all three suspects that were visible on the video material," she continued. "One of them caught our attention as he tried to cross state borders in violation of his parole, and once he was identified as a suspect in this case, he pleaded guilty and revealed the identity and location of his accomplices to show cooperation."

Sebastian felt his heart catch in his throat as he took in what she said. "...You found them?" he whispered. "Are you sure?"

Sibyl paused again. "Yes. We're sure. They are being detained whilst awaiting formal charges. I..." She sighed. "I know it won't make right what they did, but...I can assure you they are _not_ having a ‘very Merry Christmas' right now."

Sebastian laughed out loud, unable to help himself. "Th-thank you! Um...what happens now?" He didn't think he'd be able to identify them after all this time. He remembered Chad's face because he'd met him before and it was his face in the dreams. The other three were always faceless. "Do-do I need to do anything?"

"Yes," Sibyl said. "I want you to have some eggnog for me, because I'm looking at a loooong shift today." Her smile was audible over the phone.

Sebastian found himself smiling back. He wasn't quite able to process it all yet, but he was beginning to feel lighter than he had in months.

"We'll contact you when we know more about further proceedings, but it won't be before the new year, I can already tell you that much." Sibyl paused again.

"Sebastian? One more thing. I thought you might like to know officer Robertson went into early retirement this month. You won't be seeing him again the next time you come in."

Sebastian laughed a little. "I'll definitely drink to that! And to you, Sibyl. Thank you...for everything! Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sebastian." She hung up.

Kurt had heard Sebastian laugh from upstairs, and sighed happily.

Sebastian stared at his phone for a moment after the call had ended, in complete disbelief. It was over. It was finally over. He felt tears well in his eyes and he laughed as they ran down his cheeks.

He put his phone down on the bedside table, wiped his cheeks and headed back downstairs.

Kurt had just brought in coffee when Sebastian walked into the living room.  

"How was Al- Seb!" Marc said, standing up. "What happened?"

Sebastian shook his head and laughed. "That was Agent Flores from the FBI. They caught them...the other three guys. They've all been taken into custody...it's over!"

"What?" Kurt let out, nearly dropping his coffee. "Bas, that's-" He quickly put his mug down and rose to his feet. He made his way to Sebastian within seconds. Their eyes met and Sebastian nodded almost imperceptibly. Kurt flew into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Hee, looks like Santa _did_ top Thanksgiving," Paul joked.

Marc was looking grim. "Good," he said darkly. "And now we'll make sure they get put away for life."

"Right there with ya," Burt agreed.

Sebastian laughed and hugged Kurt tightly, lifting him off the ground a little. "And there's more. That asshole policeman, Robertson? He 'took an early retirement.' So we never have to see him again!"

He felt so light he thought he might be able to fly.

"Good riddance," Kurt mumbled before pressing his lips against Sebastian's.

Marc and Paul exchanged looks, and Paul subtly nodded. Without telling Sebastian, Marc had filed a complaint after their second visit at the precinct, and apparently it had been his third strike.

"I think this calls for a round of drinks!" Burt announced. "Gentlemen, if you could - with three bartenders in the house, I'm sure we can mix up something flammable...and we have the medical staff on hand in case it goes overboard." He grinned at Paul and Carole. "It seems I'm the only useless fool around here."

"Don't sell yourself short, Burt!" Paul said standing up too. "You're a congressman, you can compose a good toast!"

Burt smiled bashfully. Carole kissed his cheek.

Kurt pulled away from Sebastian reluctantly. "I'm so happy," he whispered. "They will not be able to hurt you anymore, ever again." He swallowed, feeling a little choked up. "I think I may need some cake now. I can bake you a new one tomorrow."

Sebastian smiled and kissed him again, running his hands down Kurt's back.

"I think I need some of _you,"_ he whispered so only Kurt would hear. "Make love to me tonight?"

Kurt's eyes widened. He looked at Sebastian to see if he was teasing, but found another look instead. He swallowed again, this time to repress the lust suddenly flushing his system.

"If...you still want to by tonight, then...yes," he promised quietly. "Yes. _Yes."_ He kissed Sebastian again, more passionately than before.

Sebastian grinned into the kiss and pressed back with similar passion, tugging Kurt's bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'm going to tidy up in the kitchen a little," Carole said quietly. "Burt?"

"Me?" Kurt's dad asked, shaking himself. "Oh, uh...yes, I'll help."

"I'm sure there's something for us to do as well," Paul said, following them with Marc in tow, giving Kurt and Sebastian some time to celebrate in private.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote mentioned in the christmas card is by Helen Rowland, american author 1875-1950


	42. Charades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Christmas Day is spent with family-friendly entertainment...Christmas night however, is rated mature ;)

A part of Kurt wished that Sebastian hadn't asked - not now, anyway, as it left him with quite a long time to think about it. And thinking about it made it pretty hard - literally and figuratively - to focus on spending a family-friendly afternoon with their family. It sure would have been easier if he had just waited until they were up in their room by themselves. Still, the anticipation had its own kind of thrill.

After they had finished their coffee, Carole leaned over to Sebastian and put her hand on his. Giving him a serious look, she announced: "Sebastian, I have to ask you something." She left a dramatic pause, then smiled. "Will you be my Charades partner?"

Sebastian grinned at Carole. "It would be my pleasure! I am awesome at Charades."

"Ha!" Burt let out. "Nobody beats the Hummels, right Kurt?"

Kurt grinned. _"Nobody,"_ he agreed.

"We'll see about that," Marc said. "Carole, Seb, I'm with you." His eyes glittered. "Because that means _they_ get Paul." He chuckled. They'd see how good the Hummels really were if they were playing with a handicap.

"I'm not _that_ bad!" Paul said scowling at his husband.

Marc laughed. Paul was notoriously bad at social games. "You _are,_ my love, but it's okay...you're good at other things." He winked.

Kurt laughed. He loved playing games, and this year they were an even number again. "I'll go get the scoreboard!" he said happily, and hurried up to his room. There, in his walk-in closet, he had a large easel white board that he had sometimes used to plan choreographies for glee club. It still served a purpose once a year - when it came out for Christmas. They had tried playing with Blaine, but he was such a sore loser it had just been awkward for all of them. And with Finn gone, playing with the three of them only reminded them of their missing player.

He smiled. _New memories._ It had worked so far today. He picked up the board and the box of markers and carried them downstairs.

"Okay," he said, putting it down in the living room. "So we're Team Hummel and Associates...and you?" He looked at Sebastian and winked. "The Plus-Ones?"

"How about...The _Better_ Halves?" Sebastian said with a grin and his own wink in Kurt's direction.

Kurt made an exaggerated "ouch" face like Sebastian's barb had stung him, and chuckled a little.

"Oh, I like the sound of that!" Carole said as she carried the game box over to the coffee table.

"I love it!" Marc said flamboyantly and sat down opposite his husband, blowing him a kiss.

"Alright dad, we gotta show them now," Kurt said. "We have no choice."

"That's right, son," Burt replied. "If this is how they wanna play, they're gonna get it."

"So, how does this game work?" Paul asked, looking genuinely curious.

Kurt and Burt exchanged a look.

"Oh yeah, we're gonna get it, alright," Marc teased fondly.

-

Kurt wrote their team names on the board, and then sat down on the couch, feeling a little giddy with happiness. He gathered Burt and Paul around him and declared the couch Hummel Territory.

Smirking at how seriously his boyfriend was taking this competition, Sebastian reached for a card. He read his Charade and bit the corner of his lip. Team Hummel and Associates were finished before they began.

He stood up and moved to stand in front of the fire so all could see him. He checked his card again and put it in his pocket before nodding to Kurt to flip the timer.

Sebastian looked at his team and opened his hands into the universal sign for a book.

"A book!" Carole said instantly.

He nodded and held up three fingers.

"Three words." Marc said.

He held up one finger.

"First word."

He made a T sign.

"The!" Carole exclaimed. Sebastian nodded and held up two fingers. "Second word."

Sebastian pointed to a red bauble on the tree.

"Bauble? Ball?" Carole and Marc shouted in turn.

Sebastian shook his head and pointed to some red tinsel.

"Red...red riding hood?" Carole offered.

Sebastian shook his head again and bit his lip. He held up three fingers.

"Okay, third word." Marc said sitting up a little straighter and focusing on his son.

Sebastian pointed at a Christmas card on the mantelpiece. It lay on a stack of mail. "

"Card...Mail! Envelope...paper...oooh letter!" said Carole.

Sebastian grinned and nodded.

"The 'something' Letter."

Sebastian pointed at the red bauble again, then at the tinsel and the red of Carole's dress.

"Red..."

Sebastian shook his head and waved his hand.

"Festive...Christmas...um...oh god I don't know," Carole and Marc exchanged helpless looks.

"Time!" Burt called gleefully.

Sebastian sighed. "It was _The Scarlet Letter._ It's a classic."

"Oh no!" Carole said, exasperated.

"Sorry, kid, literature isn't my forté," Marc admitted.

"It's okay," Sebastian said, sitting down next to them. "We have plenty of time."

Kurt chuckled. He had guessed it pretty early on. Sebastian had done a good job, but he, Marc and Carole still needed to get used to each other as team members.

His dad was up next. He took a card and smiled a little. Carole set the timer.

Burt stood up with his hands on his hips.

"Person!" Kurt said eagerly, and watched what came next. Two words... Burt was going to try the entire name at once. He made a kicking move.

"An angry person!" Paul guessed happily.

Kurt groaned. This was Burt's team signal for 'sports person'. He'd probably never guess it; he hardly ever did. "Sports," he guessed sullenly.

Burt did the motion again. "Sports.... football.... soccer!"

Then, Burt pointed at him and made a little heart over his chest with his fingers.

"David Beckham," Kurt said immediately, and Burt let out a triumphant laugh.

"Huh?" Paul looked puzzled.

"That's not fair!" Carole called out, but she was also grinning a little.

"David Beckham, babe? Really?" Sebastian teased. "Is it the hair?"

"Buddy, I had to look at that underwear poster for years, I can tell you it wasn't the _hair,"_ Burt said confidently, and Kurt gave Sebastian a slightly abashed look and a shrug.

Sebastian chuckled at that bit of information and looked at Kurt with a grin.

"Don't worry babe, I had a massive thing for Orlando Bloom."

Carole ooohed. "I was always more of a Johnny Depp girl, myself," she added. "But before Pirates, with the hair...." She gestured at her head and scrunched up her nose. "Of course he's getting a bit old now-"

"I really like that guy from Jurassic Park," Marc added. "Dr Malcolm."

"Mmm, I see why," Paul agreed with his husband and grinned at him.

"Hey now," Burt interrupted, a little uncomfortably. "Can we just play the game, please? Carole, honey, you're up next."

Sebastian chuckled as Carole got up to take her place in front of the fire, taking a card from the pile.

She checked the card again and set it down face down on the table. "Alright dear, let a woman show you how it's done!"

Burt huffed a laugh and turned the timer over. "Go."

Carole looked at Sebastian and Marc, and made the symbol for a book and a movie. She held up  eight fingers and Sebastian's heart sank a little.

"Eight words?"

She counted five fingers on her hand.

"Fifth word?"

She shook her head and silently counted out her fingers again before holding up the whole hand.

"Oh, the first five words!" Sebastian said, a little impressed.

Carole nodded. She took off her wedding ring and held it reverently in her hands, crouching down on the floor.

"Oh!" Sebastian exclaimed happily. _"The Lord of The Rings!"_  

She stood up and pointed at him with a grin. She counted three fingers 

"Last three words." 

She put both arms up in the air and pulled them down to the floor then stepped to her left and did it again. 

Marc pointed at her. _"The Lord of The Rings: The Two Towers!"_  he said happily. Carole jumped a little in excitement and cheered. 

Kurt grinned and clapped as well. That was a pretty long title to do in one minute. He got up and took a card. Over the years, he and his dad had developed quite a few special signal shortcuts for the game, and so, _Life of Pie_ was a piece of cake for them. Kurt simply signaled "sounds like", held up five fingers and pointed at his eye, coaching Burt through rhyme words until he got it. 

"I'm telling you, nobody beats the Hummels," Kurt said as he sat back down. 

"That's because you've been playing this game for years and know all the cards!" Carole teased playfully. Both of the Hummels threw her shocked and mock-hurt looks before they both snorted and started laughing, high-fiving each other. 

Sebastian grinned. He loved Kurt _so_ much. 

Maybe we can't beat you yet," he said with a chuckle. "But this is only our first Christmas...we've got _years_ to perfect our talent...isn't that right, Better Halves?" 

Marc gave him the thumbs up. "Absolutely." 

Kurt caught Carole's expression and sent her a warm smile. He sat back, watching Marc try and do _Wild Swans_. No one guessed it - but none of them guessed Paul's attempt at 'Alicia Keys' either (it didn't help that Paul later admitted he wasn't completely sure who it was). 

Kurt was a bit sorry Carole and Marc guessed _Magic Mike_ so quickly, because he wouldn't have minded more of Sebastian's suggestive dancing. 

Unfortunately for them, the Better Halves continued to hit and miss, while Kurt and his dad got almost every point. They nearly missed one when Kurt tried to do _The Wedding Singer_ by kneeling in front of his boyfriend and taking his hand. Burt had suddenly stopped his loud stream of guesses to stare at them until he realised this was still part of the game. 

It had been Sebastian's favourite Charade of the game, unless you counted Burt's attempt at _Dirty Dancing_ which made everyone in the room except Kurt erupt in hysterics. Despite Paul, Team Hummel and Associates won by a long shot.

 "That was fun!" Paul said sitting back in his chair once the final scores had been tallied up. He crossed one leg over the other and reached for a handful of peanuts from a bowl on the coffee table. "Marc, we should host a games night! I like this game." 

Marc rolled his eyes fondly at his husband. As book-smart as his husband was, his general 'pop culture' knowledge was virtually non-existent. 

"Yes dear, whatever you say." 

Sebastian laughed and crossed the room to sit on Kurt's lap. Kurt smiled and responded by wrapping his arms around Sebastian's middle and hooking his head over his boyfriend's shoulder. They sat silently together and listened to their parents chat around them. 

After another half hour or so, Carole announced that she had to get the roast potatoes in the oven and she excused herself to the kitchen. Kurt tapped Sebastian lightly on the hip to stand up so that he could get up and help Carole. Burt, Marc and Sebastian then took it upon themselves to start explaining the rules of _How Do You Doo?_ to Paul. 

Kurt carefully lifted the rest of Sebastian's cake back into the tin and closed it so it wouldn't dry out, licking a few crumbs off his fingers. He was still very pleased that his efforts had paid off. It had not been easy to pry the recipe out of the Dalton lunch lady. 

"What do you want me to do?" he asked Carole, looking around in the kitchen. Now that he didn't live there anymore, it was easiest just to let the new chef give directions. 

Carole walked out of the pantry carrying a large bag of potatoes. All the other vegetables had been prepped the night before and were already in the steamer on the side ready to be switched on. 

"Could you mix up the batter for the Yorkshire puddings, please?" she asked him. "You're much better at getting them to rise than I am. Flour is in the cupboard up there and bowls are in the large drawer behind you." She pointed at both locations and set to work peeling potatoes. 

"Sure," Kurt said, and for a while they worked quietly side by side. Finally, Kurt spoke. 

"I really appreciate all you've done for Sebastian. Getting him a present, inviting his dads, making us all feel welcome. You have no idea what a difference it has made. It's like...I've got the old Bas back." 

Carole smiled at him, set her spoon down and touched his arm softly. 

"It's nothing, honey," she said warmly. "He's a wonderful man and he makes you happy. It feels like we have the old _you_ back, too. And it's got a lot to do with him." She gave him a determined look. "He'll always have a place here...unless he breaks your heart, of course," she added lightly, and Kurt recognised the same intensity in her eyes as he had seen in Marc's when he was packing to leave Sebastian. It was that of parents _by choice._  

"That will never happen," Kurt said. Then he grinned. "Do you think dad really thought I was gonna propose to Sebastian in the middle of Charades?" 

Carole laughed. "Who knows! After the _other_ proposal, maybe his mind jumped to conclusions." She shook her head, dismissing thoughts of Kurt's horrible ex. "Burt ought to know you better, though." 

She winked at him. "But he knew you well enough to beat the _Better_ Halves. You're a good team together. Though I think if you and Sebastian teamed up, you'd be unbeatable." 

Kurt smiled again, and turned back to the batter. "Maybe next time. I enjoy playing with my dad. It's one of the few things we can really do together that we both enjoy." 

Carole nodded and returned to her potatoes, turning down the heat to stop them boiling over. "Maybe Sebastian, Marc and I can perfect our skills and beat you one day." 

"Ha! In your dreams," Kurt replied cheerfully. 

- 

The afternoon passed in a haze of comfortable conversation and delicious food. Marc, Paul and Burt got themselves a little intoxicated as they kept toasting to 'no Christmas in jail!' until Carole made them stop. They put a film on in the evening, and Kurt nearly fell asleep curled up on Sebastian's lap as they watched. 

Sebastian smiled softly and held Kurt close, pretending not to notice as all of their parents snapped pictures of them on their phones. He sighed happily to himself and squeezed Kurt closer. 

In the end, he must actually have fallen asleep because one moment, Kate Winslet was singing at the piano with Jack Black and then he was being coaxed awake by Sebastian's soft kisses on his cheek and Kate and Jack were already on screen dancing around a living room with Cameron Diaz and Jude Law. Kurt blinked in confusion. 

Sebastian kissed his cheek again softly. "How about we call it a night, babe?" he suggested. "Before you drool on me." His arms tightened on Kurt's waist a little, and it reminded Kurt of Sebastian's words from earlier that day. 

His eyes snapped open and he gasped a little, suddenly not feeling sleepy at all. He quickly got up, and spun around. "Yes! I am, uh, _very_ sleepy!" He looked at their parents. 

Burt smirked. Somehow his son didn't look too tired anymore. "Goodnight, Kurt. Goodnight, Sebastian, thank you for a great day." 

"Thank _you_ _,"_ Sebastian said shaking his head. "It's been one of my favourite Christmases _ever_. Thank you so much for the sweater." 

"No problem at all, kiddo!" Burt said, patting him on the shoulder. 

"You're very welcome," Carole added. Sebastian hugged them both. 

"It really has been a great day" Kurt agreed. As eager as he was to get upstairs, he still had enough of a mind to say a proper goodnight. "I love my jacket so much, and Marc, Paul...that box you gave us was so awesome! I can't wait to try everything." 

They smiled at him. 

"Someone made a box like that for for us one year," Paul said. "We used it one night in the middle of summer, before we had the dogs. The AC had broken so we set up a tent on the terrace and slept under the stars." 

Sebastian listened to the story and smiled softly, taking Kurt's hand. "That sounds perfect." 

Marc and Paul shared a look and smiled. "It was," Marc confirmed. 

Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and moved forward to hug them both. "Merry Christmas dads," he said softly. "Thank you for everything." 

"Sleep well Seb," Marc said with a wink as Sebastian pulled away. He suspected Sebastian would not be plagued by _any_ nightmares tonight. 

Sebastian grinned. "Oh I'm sure I will...you too." 

Kurt took Sebastian's hand again and they looked at each other, excitement and nerves passing between them. The look did not go unnoticed by any of the adults. 

Burt coughed. "I think we'll stay up for a bit and, uh, put some music on...it might get a bit loud," he said discreetly. 

"Dad, Paul, maybe we'll give The Better Halves a shot at victory tomorrow? I'll make sure Sebastian gets a good night's rest in so you stand a fighting chance!" Kurt said. 

Burt smiled at him. "We'll see, kid....now get out of here, both of you." 

They quickly said goodnight again and hurried from the room, giggling softly between themselves.

- 

As he led Kurt up the stairs, Sebastian felt excitement bubble up inside him. He knew it was silly, but he felt like a teenager again. Like he was staying over at his boyfriend's house for the first time and was about to lose his virginity. In a way, he supposed he was...at least he was doing it _right_ this time. The thought made him grin. 

He stopped Kurt on the landing and used his grip on Kurt's hand to draw him into a kiss. He slid a hand around the back of Kurt's neck and backed him up a little into the wall. 

Kurt responded eagerly, his arms winding around Sebastian's back. 

"Not so tired now, are you?" Sebastian teased in between kisses. 

"I power napped," Kurt joked. 

After a moment, before things could become too heated, Sebastian pulled back and retook Kurt's hand. "I love you," he whispered. 

Kurt brought his free hand up to brush the hair back off Sebastian's forehead and smiled at him. "I love you too." 

Sebastian nodded with a smile and backed away towards their room, leading Kurt along with him. 

For a moment, as he opened the bedroom door, the spell lifted and he felt the nerves rise up in his chest. He dropped Kurt's hand and turned to switch the light on top of the dresser on as Kurt walked past him. 

Kurt sat down on the bed, trapping his hands between his knees, and watched as Sebastian closed the door. Sebastian's hand lingered on the door handle and Kurt felt his heart go out to his boyfriend. Sebastian looked as nervous as Kurt felt. 

Hoping to put him at ease, Kurt said: "It's okay if you've changed your mind." 

Sebastian smiled and turned to face him, leaning against the door for a moment to drink him in. He caught himself again thanking his lucky stars that Kurt was his. His nerves disappeared as suddenly as they had risen and he walked over to the bed with purpose. 

He stepped up in front of Kurt, sliding between his legs and placing his hands on either side of Kurt's face to tilt his head up. "I haven't," he said quietly, bending down to kiss him. "I'm okay." 

Kurt sighed into Sebastian's kiss. This wasn't a _fake-it-till-you-make-it_ okay. Kurt could tell this was the real thing, and his nerves gave way to excitement. 

He ran his hands up the back of Sebastian's thighs, coming to rest on his butt cheeks. Looking up into his boyfriend's eyes, Kurt gripped him tightly and pulled him closer. 

Excitement flared inside him and Sebastian grinned. Without breaking the kiss, he moved to sit on Kurt's lap, bringing his knees up onto the bed so that he was straddling him. 

He slid his hands down Kurt's neck and round to his chest, curling his fingers around the lapels of Kurt's jacket, and moved his mouth down to kiss Kurt's neck. 

Kurt made a needy sound in the back of his throat and thrust up against Sebastian, looking for friction. He burrowed his hands under Sebastian's new sweater to start pulling it up and over his head, wanting everything at once. 

Sebastian chuckled into the kiss and stilled Kurt's hands. 

"Relax babe, we have all night." 

Kurt blushed a little. "You're right," he said apologetically, letting his hands settle on Sebastian's hips. "I've just been thinking about it all day...ever since you asked me." 

Sebastian kissed him lightly and stroked his thumb over the skin at the base of Kurt's neck. 

"I've been thinking about it too," he admitted. "I know in my heart that I want this, Kurt. I'm ready...but I want to take it slow...I want to savour it." 

Kurt looked up into Sebastian's eyes and saw such vulnerable hope there that he caught his breath. He wrapped his arms around Sebastian's neck and hugged him tight. "I'll take care of you," he promised. 

He pressed a kiss to Sebastian's neck, just under his ear, and trailed kisses down his jaw, finishing with a soft kiss on the mouth. 

"I should hang my jacket up," he said quietly. "I don't want to crease it." 

Sebastian nodded and kissed him once before standing up. He carefully removed his new sweater and folded it into a neat square. Smiling slightly and feeling a little like Harry Potter on his first Christmas at Hogwarts, he set it down on a chair. 

Kurt made his way towards the closet and reached for a hanger. _Slow down,_ he told himself as he fed the arms of the hanger into the jacket. He hung it up on the rail and took a moment to steady himself, before walking back out into the bedroom. 

Sebastian was standing in the middle of the room, smiling at him shyly. Kurt let out a breath, relaxed his shoulders and walked towards his boyfriend. 

Their arms found each other like two opposite magnets and they embraced. Kurt curled one hand into the soft hairs at the base of Sebastian's head and slid his other hand to press over Sebastian's heart as they began to kiss slowly. 

It was one of the most sensual kisses Sebastian had ever had. It was kissing for the sake of kissing. The gentle pull and press of their lips moving together as if they had all the time in the world...which Sebastian supposed, they did. They had the night at least, and every night after this. 

Tentatively, he flicked his tongue out to brush Kurt's upper lip. The hand on his chest tightened a little on his chest as Kurt responded, his own tongue coming out to meet Sebastian's, but there was no urgency to it. 

He smoothed his hands down Kurt's back, pressing a little more into the kiss. 

They slowly started backing up towards the bed again. Sebastian's hands slid up under Kurt's shirt to trail fingertips along the top of his jeans. Sebastian smirked as he felt the resultant shiver vibrate through his boyfriend. He tugged a little more at the t-shirt but Kurt stopped him.

"Ah ah," Kurt said softly, stepping out of Sebastian's embrace. "New shirt, remember?" He took hold of the back and pulled it over his head, carefully draping it over the back of his old desk chair. It wouldn't do to rip the seams before his colleagues at Vogue even had the chance to see it. 

Sebastian chuckled. He wasn't as careful with his own shirt. It ended up in a heap on the floor. 

They ended up standing on opposite sides of the bed and looked at each other for a moment before moving as one to lay down facing each other, their hands joined between them. 

"Are you sure, Bas?" Kurt asked him gently. 

Sebastian smiled at him and nodded. "Yes. I want you to make love to me." 

Kurt returned the smile and shuffled forward so that he could kiss him again. His hand came back up to Sebastian's neck and Sebastian placed his own over Kurt's. He slowly guided Kurt's hand down his bare chest. 

Taking the hint, Kurt ran his hand over Sebastian's chest, rubbing his thumb over a nipple. Sebastian shivered and closed his eyes. "Kurt," he whispered, pressing into the touch.

 Kurt followed the pattern of his hand with his mouth. Sebastian rolled back a bit to give Kurt more room and sighed happily. 

Kurt continued to work, moving to a better position to give himself leverage but still being mindful to not put too much weight onto Sebastian. 

His hand moved down to the waistband of Sebastian's jeans and he hooked his finger under it. "Can I take these off?" he asked, pressing a kiss to Sebastian's hip bone. He grazed the skin with his teeth and Sebastian writhed with a little moan. 

"Yes," he breathed. "Please, Kurt." 

Kurt moved to sit up and, moving slowly so as to give Sebastian time to adjust to the situation, undid the button and slid down the zipper. He trapped his own bottom lip between his teeth. This was like a DIY striptease, or unwrapping a present. "Merry Christmas to me," he whispered, shooting Sebastian a look and winking. 

Sebastian watched Kurt with wide eyes, love for this incredible man pouring out of every pore. He was being so careful and gentle, constantly looking out for Sebastian's well being. Sebastian knew that if the flashbacks returned or it became too much, he would just need to say so and Kurt would stop in a heartbeat. That thought was enough to spur Sebastian on. He was safe with Kurt, always. 

Kurt discarded Sebastian's pants on the floor and moved, very carefully to hover over him. They looked into each others eyes, not talking - there was nothing for either of them to say. Slowly they inched forward and met in the middle, lips sliding together in a well-practiced dance. 

Sebastian ran his hands up Kurt's bare chest and cupped one around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Following his lead,Kurt lowered himself slowly and rolled his hips against Sebastian's. They both moaned into the kiss. 

Sebastian slid a hand down over Kurt's backside and down his thigh. The feeling of denim under his skin reminded him that Kurt was still half clothed. He bit Kurt's bottom lip and ran his hand up the inside of Kurt's thigh. "You're overdressed," he teased, brushing over his boyfriend's growing erection.

Kurt moaned and pressed into Sebastian's hand for a second before pulling back. He stood up and made quick work of removing his jeans before rejoining his lover on the bed. He lay next to Sebastian this time, both of them facing each other. 

"Better?" he asked. 

"Much better," Sebastian agreed. He moved forward to kiss Kurt again and reached down to brush his hands over Kurt's bare thighs. 

Kurt trapped the tip of Sebastian's tongue between his lips and sucked it. He slid his hand down to cup Sebastian through the fabric of his briefs and felt him shiver. His eyes flickered up to meet Sebastian's and Sebastian nodded. "Touch me Kurt, please," he whispered. 

So Kurt did. He slipped his hand inside Sebastian's briefs and wrapped it around his length. Sebastian gasped and pulled Kurt back into a kiss, holding him there as Kurt started to move his hand. 

Sebastian moved his own hand to palm over Kurt through his own briefs and Kurt growled a little into the kiss. Sebastian grinned and started rubbing his hand up and down. 

Kurt swore quietly and pressed into the touch. His own hand around Sebastian stilled. He knew Sebastian had said he wanted to savour it, but he was making it very hard not to rush. Kurt moved his free hand up to Sebastian's forehead and brushed it through his hair, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. "I want you so badly," he whispered. 

Sebastian nodded and clutched at Kurt's waist, pulling him closer. "I'm all yours," he panted, tilting his head back to expose his neck. Kurt licked his lips and moved to mouth over the skin. He teased the skin under Sebastian's ear and tugged his earlobe with his teeth. 

Sebastian moaned. He remembered teasing Kurt about his weakness for being kissed over his scar, but his own thing for Kurt's teeth on his ear was equally embarrassing - and erotic. 

Kurt slipped one leg between Sebastian's and his boyfriend responded by wrapping his leg around Kurt's, bringing their bodies together. 

Sebastian was trembling all over with need and curled his hands into Kurt's hair, tugging lightly. "Oh Kurt," he moaned repeatedly as his hips rolled forward searching for friction. 

Kurt met every roll of Sebastian's hips with his own, relishing the feel of his boyfriend's trembling body against his. 

As Kurt continued to kiss over Sebastian's neck and jaw, an idea started to form in his head. It was something he'd never done before and up until now it wasn't something he thought he might ever do. In porn, it usually just looked like a showy kiss, and with the actors' bodies sculpted, shaved and bleached, it seemed almost clinical. Kurt knew it wasn't going to be like that. And yet, having had his lips on almost every inch of Sebastian's skin, he felt like this was something he wanted to try, a boundary of intimacy he might cross to discover it together with Sebastian. 

There was no romantic way to say it, no euphemism that wouldn't sound cheesy. They had agreed that communication was key and if one of them wanted something they would just say it. So Kurt sucked in a breath, lifted his head and kissed Sebastian's lips. "Bas," he whispered, "can I give you a rim job?" 

Sebastian's hips stopped rolling forwards at Kurt's words and his eyes widened. 

"Really?" he whispered, a little overwhelmed. 

Kurt nodded. "I've never done it before," he confessed. "And if I do it wrong or you don't like it, we can always stop...We don’t have to do it at all if you don’t want to."

"Okay," Sebastian whispered, looking into Kurt's eyes and cutting off Kurt’s rambling. "I've never really done it before either," he admitted. "I mean, I've been in the position to try, but…" He shrugged, then smirked. "Never took the time in those twenty minutes, you know?" He winked at Kurt, then grew serious again. "To be honest, it always felt a little too intimate." 

Kurt nodded. He could understand that. He would never be able to do it with someone he'd only just met. 

Sebastian offered him a shy smile. "I think it would be different with you." 

Kurt mirrored his smile. "Everything is different with you." 

Sebastian briefly closed his eyes. That was definitely true. He opened his eyes again and nodded. "Okay. I want to try it," he decided. 

Kurt felt excitement turn over in his belly and he grinned.  He watched Sebastian for a moment, just taking in the beautiful body in front of him. Finally, he nodded as well and sat up, casting his eyes around to look for a small pillow. 

While Kurt was searching, Sebastian removed his briefs and settled himself against the pillows so that he was comfy. The butterflies in his chest were fluttering happily as he watched Kurt wander around the room. He rubbed a hand over his chest, playing with a nipple absentmindedly and reaching for his erection. His boyfriend really was ridiculously hot.

Kurt saw Sebastian watching him and touching himself lightly. It reminded Kurt of a time when they were easier and more comfortable with their bodies, and the memory of the sex they used to have made Kurt even more eager. He _knew_ how good they were together.

He picked up a pillow from the windowsill seat and returned to the bed. He set the bottle of lube from the drawer on the bedside table so they wouldn't have to fumble for it later. Feeling a little nervous, he took off his own underwear and climbed back onto the bed to lay beside Sebastian. They looked at each other for a moment before Kurt leant forward and kissed Sebastian's lips.

Sebastian stopped touching himself and cured his hand into Kurt's hair, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.

Kurt slowly started making his way down Sebastian's torso, encouraged by his boyfriend's sighs and moans. Sebastian's fingers tightened in his hair as Kurt reached his groin, but as Kurt looked up into his face, he could see it was anticipation and lust, not panic.

Kurt reached for the pillow and guided Sebastian to lift his hips to slide it underneath. Sebastian spread his legs and canted his hips. He felt a little exposed in this position, but the way Kurt was looking at him put Sebastian at ease.

Kurt swallowed at the sight of Sebastian offering himself to him and felt his cock give a little twitch. He moved to kneel between Sebastian's legs and smoothed his hands over the underside of his thighs.

To put both of them at ease, he began with something familiar. He wrapped a hand around Sebastian's length and moved his hand up and down a few times before bending down and taking him into his mouth. He suckled on the head, dipping his tongue into the slit to lap at the pre-come.  Sebastian moaned quietly.

Kurt continued to massage the length with his hand as he sucked, using the combination of both to massage his boyfriend.

"That feels amazing baby," Sebastian moaned. The combination of Kurt's mouth and the hand still pumping his cock was slowly making him come undone, and heightened the anticipation of what was to come next.

Kurt pressed a kiss to Sebastian's perineum and sat up, letting go of Sebastian's cock at the same time. He looked down into Sebastian's eyes. They were blown wide with desire and Kurt raised an eyebrow at him. Sebastian licked his lips and nodded.

Kurt nodded too and took a breath. He smoothed his hands over the globes of Sebastian's ass cheeks and pushed him back gently, giving himself more room. Secretly relieved that his boyfriend shaved, Kurt leant down and flicked out a tentative tongue to run over the puckered entrance.

Sebastian let out a gasp and felt his muscles flex. Kurt licked him again, more firmly this time and Sebastian moaned. It felt better than he ever could have imagined. 

"Oh fuck," his whispered. 

Spurred on by Sebastian's reaction, Kurt used his hands to spread Sebastian's butt cheeks a little further and dipped his head low, licking his way from Sebastian's perineum to his entrance, circling around the ring of muscle and over it, wetting the skin more. 

Not really sure what he was doing, he tried just doing with his tongue what he normally would with his fingers, and judging by Sebastian's reaction, it was working. Kurt took his time, contracting the muscle of his tongue to a small rigid dart and pushing it into him over and over, slow, fast, shallow and deeply. 

Sebastian was moving with him, his body fully relaxed and focused on his pleasure. He never wanted it to stop, yet at the same time, craved for more. 

As the muscle started to open up further, Kurt slowly pulled away and replaced his tongue with the tip of his finger. Sebastian moaned, pushing back eagerly. Kurt reached out with his free hand to pump some lube onto his palm and transferred it to his other hand to coat his fingers. Sebastian's body accepted him with ease, and Kurt remembered how he liked to be touched, giving him friction and stretch until Sebastian took hold of himself. It used to be their sign, but Kurt checked his face to be sure, making eye contact. Sebastian nodded, making it even more clear. "Please," he whispered. "I want you so much." 

"Me too," Kurt replied, quickly coating himself with lube. He sat back on his calves and scooted up between Sebastian's thighs, so that his boyfriend could remain on his back. During the day, Kurt had thought about how he could top Sebastian without making him feel claustrophobic. Kurt wanted to be able to see his lover's face in case he was triggered. Like this, his torso was completely free, and he was not held down in any way. Kurt lifted Sebastian's hips a little, draping his legs over his thighs, lined himself up, and pushed inside. 

"Oh god, yes," Sebastian murmured, his eyes slipping closed in bliss. "Move...please..." 

Kurt pulled back a little and started rolling his hips, building up a slow rhythm. It felt amazing. God, how he had missed this. It had been months, but it had felt like much longer. In the year that they'd been together, Sebastian had made him addicted to something he hadn't even known before; not just the feel of him, but the dynamics, and the visuals, and _by god_ \- the sounds. Kurt never had to ask how it was afterwards. Sebastian made no secret of his pleasure, and it only helped to turn Kurt on even more. He sped up, watching Sebastian the whole time, bringing him closer and closer. When he felt Sebastian was almost there, he gave him a hand to thrust into. 

At the joint feeling of Kurt's hand and thrusts, Sebastian came harder than he could remember ever coming in his life. 

Kurt could feel it inside and it tore his orgasm from him as well. He arched his back and thrust deep into Sebastian, keeping still until it subsided. 

He sat back, panting. Sebastian still had his eyes closed, but he was smiling and breathing hard. 

"Damn, I've missed this," Sebastian mumbled. He opened his eyes and looked at Kurt. "It feels so good to be yours." 

Kurt smiled and lay down next to him. "Does it?" he asked smugly. Then he reached out a hand and brushed Sebastian's cheek with the back of his fingers. "You are the only one who will ever know what it feels like." 

Sebastian felt his heart flutter and rolled over to wrap an arm over Kurt's waist. Kurt's arm snaked around him and he rested his cheek on Kurt's chest.  "Thank you," he whispered, tracing a pattern over Kurt's skin with his finger. "For giving me back my first time." 

Kurt held his breath for a moment, at a loss for words. Then, he gathered himself and brought up his other arm so that Sebastian was wrapped up in his embrace. "There's a Madonna song in there somewhere," he joked, "but I'm glad I was able to show a man of your experience a good time." 

Sebastian shook his head and tilted it a little to look up at Kurt. "I don't even remember anyone before you, Kurt." 

Kurt swallowed and returned his gaze, all jokes forgotten. "I'm honoured you feel that way, Bas. You know it feels the same for me." 

Sebastian smiled at him with wide eyes and pressed a kiss over Kurt's heart. 

"Do me one favour, though," Kurt said after a moment. 

"Hmmm?" 

"Next time, don't make me sit through Christmas Day Charades with a hard-on?" 

Sebastian laughed so loudly their parents heard, despite Burt's music.


	43. Baby It's Cold Outside, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day of Christmas in Ohio.

**[The next morning]** ****  
** **

"Do you boys have any plans for today?" Carole asked conversationally. ****  
** **

Kurt wiped his lips on a napkin and put it down. "Not really, I think?" He looked at Sebastian, who shrugged and shook his head. The morning was almost over, but they had the rest of the day to relax before packing their things for their flight back that evening. ****  
** **

"We could go for a walk?" Burt suggested. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. "I like the sound of that! I love New York, but there's not much scenery other than buildings, traffic and angry people." ****  
** **

"Now, don't exaggerate, Seb," Paul said, "we _do_ have Central Park-" ****  
** **

"And the scenery of jogging business people, professional dog walkers and litter?" Marc supplied. ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. He wouldn't have minded an afternoon reading on the couch with Sebastian, but they could do that at home too. An undisturbed walk in nature was definitely something New York could not offer. ****  
** **

"There's a pretty good walk through the woodlands just down the road," Carole said, putting the lid back on the butter dish.  ****  
** **

"We could stop for a coffee at that place with the-" Burt cupped his hands around an imaginary pastry, trying to think of the fancy name for it. "French stuff," he finished. "You know, where we get the croissants." ****  
** **

Sebastian's eyes lit up and he grinned. "I'm in." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Roughly an hour later, they were all dressed up in warm coats, gloves and scarves, and in Burt's case, a plaid hat.  ****  
** **

Kurt looked down at his feet and frowned. "I should have brought my Doc Martens," he mumbled, wriggling his feet in his pointed dress shoes. "I thought about bringing another pair. I always do! But I didn't want to be the guy who arrives with two large suitcases for 3 days."  ****  
** **

"You mean like Paul?" Marc teased. ****  
** **

"Watch it, or I'll 'accidentally' forget to pack your leather jacket next time," Paul threatened. ****  
** **

Carole cocked her head and looked at the two of them. ****  
** **

"I pack, he carries," Paul explained. "It works. If I let him pack, we'd have no socks and only 3 t-shirts between the two of us." ****  
** **

Marc shrugged. "It works," he agreed. ****  
** **

Kurt was still looking down at his shoes. It had snowed overnight. He hoped his toes wouldn't freeze off - and that he wouldn't scuff the leather. They were really just _inside_ shoes. Kurt hadn't thought about that when he said 'yes' to going on a walk. ****  
** **

"I've got a pair of old walking boots you can wear, son," Burt said, already heading to a cupboard in the hall and pulling them out. ****  
** **

Kurt winced and bit his lip. There was something about wearing other people's shoes...especially his dad's, that made him feel faintly sick. He hesitated, not sure how to say no without hurting his dad's feelings. ****  
** **

Burt turned around and saw his expression. He sighed a little, as if recovering from disappointment. "The woodlands are not a catwalk, Kurt," he said, though his voice already sounding resigned. ****  
** **

Kurt offered him an apologetic half-smile, feeling twelve years old again. He knew it was childish to refuse, but he couldn‘t walk in his dad‘s shoes. Not for the metaphorical mile; and not for the literal one. ****  
** **

Burt shrugged and started putting the boots back. "I'd say suit yourself, but you‘ve been doing that for years now," he mumbled. ****  
** **

Kurt took Sebastian‘s hand. It helped. He felt Sebastian squeeze it softly. "And they are very nice suits," Sebastian whispered cheekily."Especially the birthday one." ****  
** **

Kurt snickered. ****  
** **

"Alright then," Burt said picking his keys up from the table by the door. ****  
** **

"You ready to go babe?" Sebastian asked. "Just focus on the coffee shop and the French pastries at the end of our walk." ****  
** **

A _coffee shop_ \- and Kurt had almost gone in Burt's old boots. Kurt knew it was vain, but he couldn't help himself. He simply couldn't relax if he felt underdressed. ****  
** **

"I am," Kurt said, lifting his chin. "Ready to hit the catwalk in the woods." ****  
** **

Carole took Burt's arm and they lead the way. Kurt and Sebastian followed. Marc and Paul closed their little group. ****  
** **

The walk to the trail wasn't long and once they hit the fresh snow, and had left the trodden mush behind, Sebastian let go of Kurt's hand and wrapped his arm around Kurt's waist, hugging him close to his side. ****  
** **

"It's been a long time since I've had a Christmas like this," Sebastian mused. "Or maybe I never had. Gifts, family, food - that yes...though last year in New York I couldn't help but feel a bit like a stray Marc and Paul had taken in!" ****  
** **

"Once you feed them, they never leave," Paul teased from behind them. Kurt smirked. ****  
** **

Sebastian blushed and cast a glance back to his dads. They were grinning at him and Marc winked. Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly and turned back to Kurt. _"Anyway,"_  he continued. "Having the whole celebration _and_ the company of the most handsome man in the world...it's like a dream come true." ****  
** **

"I know what you mean," Kurt agreed, looking at him. "Though in my case of course, it's with the _second_ most handsome man-" he teased. He sighed in an exaggerated ‘put upon' way. "It's so lonely at the top." He blinked rapidly a few times before snorting. ****  
** **

"Oh yeah?" Sebastian said with a smirk. He squeezed Kurt's side causing him to yelp and jump away. ****  
** **

"Hey, _you_ said it, no take-backs!" Kurt argued, massaging his side and kicking a small mound of snow in Sebastian's direction. ****  
** **

"I sure did," Sebastian said, feigning a sidestep to avoid the snow before taking Kurt's hand and pulling him closer and planting a kiss on his lips. He smiled and turned his head, glancing towards Burt and Carole. They had continued to walk on, unaware of what was happening behind them.  ****  
** **

"We'll catch up in a bit," Kurt mumbled chasing after Sebastian's lips. Sebastian chuckled and pressed back in. ****  
** **

The warmth inside Sebastian's mouth contrasted his cold cheeks and Kurt let his tongue dip inside to seek it out. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled into the kiss and opened his mouth, meeting Kurt's tongue with his own. He wrapped his hands around Kurt's back and pulled him closer.  ****  
** **

Neither of them noticed Marc and Paul discretely overtaking them to join Burt and Carole in the front. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and kissed Kurt again, drawing him closer until the loud voice of Burt broke the moment. ****  
** **

"I thought this was supposed to be a _walk!"_   Burt called, though there was humour in his voice. ****  
** **

Kurt snorted. "We‘ll be right there," he called back. "Just making sure my boyfriend isn't freezing...!" He winked at Sebastian and pressed another firm kiss to Sebastian's lips. It took Sebastian's breath away. ****  
** **

Kurt grinned at the dazed look on his boyfriend's face and smiled at him sweetly. "Shall we?" he asked, and began a brisk walk towards the others. ****  
** **

"Careful babe," Sebastian called after him. "You don't wanna slip." ****  
** **

Kurt spun on his heels and looked at him, continuing his walk backwards. "Oh shh, you sound just like my d-" he started to say. ****  
** **

Sebastian saw what was going to happen a split second before it did and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. ****  
** **

Kurt, still walking backwards, set one stylish shoe behind the other and hit a patch of ice. The lack of grip on his shoes caused him to lose his footing. ****  
** **

Kurt felt himself slip. Time slowed down almost to a halt as he tried to correct his balance, twisting his foot at a funny angle as he tried to find purchase on the slippery ground. And then everything sped up and before he knew it he was on the ground, landing on his side in the snow. ****  
** **

"Ow!" he cursed loudly, in a mixture of annoyance and surprise as his thigh smacked into the hard earth.  ****  
** **

A sharp stab of pain ran up from his ankle to his knee, and his hip and forearm throbbed numbly from his landing. Kurt quickly assessed the situation, wriggling his foot in his shoe. The pain did not get worse; it was most likely just the twisting motion that had hurt, and it was already fading. ****  
** **

Everyone froze for a second before hurrying towards him. Sebastian reached Kurt first, using every ounce of self restraint that he had to hold back the laughter at the expression on Kurt's face until he could be sure Kurt was okay. ****  
** **

"Hey..." Sebastian said, bending down next to his boyfriend. "Are you hurt?" He held out his hand to help him up. ****  
** **

"I‘m fine," Kurt replied, taking Sebastian's offered hand and using his boyfriend's strength to pull himself up. He winced a little as circulation to his legs started up again. His hip was going to bruise. He brushed snow off his jeans and shivered as the water seeped through the denim. "That'll teach me to look at _you_ instead of where I'm going." ****  
** **

Sebastian winced a little. "I'm sorry. I saw you slip but I was too far off to catch you." He wrapped his arm around Kurt and helped him limp away from the patch of ice just in time for their parents to catch up to them.  ****  
** **

"Are you okay, Kurt?" Paul asked offering Kurt his hand. ****  
** **

"I'm fine," he said, shrugging off the hand.  ****  
** **

Paul made a noise in the back of his throat but didn't say anything. ****  
** **

"I told you not to rush him, Burt!" Carole said hitting her husband in the chest.  ****  
** **

"I‘m fine, _really_ _,"_   Kurt insisted mostly for his dad's sake. ****  
** **

Sebastian kept an arm firmly round his waist as Kurt tested the weight out on his foot. ****  
** **

"Are you sure, babe?" Sebastian asked as Kurt winced a little, turning away into Sebastian's shoulder to control his features. ****  
** **

"Now if you'd worn..." Burt started to say but Carole cut him off. ****  
** **

"Oh Burt, give it a rest, those boots were hideous and Kurt was right to not wear them. You're not even the same size." ****  
** **

"Not sure that would have helped on ice anyway," Marc supplied. ****  
** **

His suspicions confirmed by Kurt's expression, Paul immediately bent down and, ignoring Kurt's protests, took off his shoe and started examining Kurt's ankle. He prodded the skin around the ankle bone, turned it this way and that, made him flex his foot and roll his joint, and then finally held out Kurt's shoe for him to slip back into it again. ****  
** **

"Just twisted." He stood back up and brushed off his coat. Marc helped. ****  
** **

"Any swelling?" Carole asked. ****  
** **

"Not yet. In this temperature, he might get lucky," Paul replied. ****  
** **

"I _said_ I was fine," Kurt said, a little irritated. He was embarrassed everyone was making a fuss while he knew it was his own fault. If he hadn't walked backwards to look at his boyfriend, he would have seen the ice. "Let's just go." ****  
** **

Sebastian took Kurt's hand. He wasn't entirely sure Kurt was fine, but he didn't want to be the third person to offer his opinion.  ****  
** **

Carole and Paul started up a lively conversation about all of the ways people could break ankles and legs, the patients they had encountered and how they sustained their injuries. Burt started telling Marc about a good fishing spot nearby. ****  
** **

Kurt tried to tune them out. At the moment, he was annoyed with _everyone_. ****  
** **

He sucked in a breath and made to walk forward purposefully, but his hip throbbed in protest. He glared down at his shoes. Once he got back to New York he was never wearing them again.  ****  
** **

Intent on hating his shoes, Kurt stepped forward again, hit another slippery patch, and skidded. ****  
** **

Sebastian immediately reacted, grabbing his elbow and keeping him on his feet. He made up his mind. As soon as Kurt had found his footing again, Sebastian let go, stepped in front of him, turned his back to Kurt and bent down slightly with his arms out. He looked over his shoulder. ****  
** **

"Come on, Bambi." ****  
** **

"What? No!" Kurt let out, shaking his head.  ****  
** **

"Just get on my back. I can carry you the rest of the way." ****  
** **

"Not a chance. I am not a damsel in distress, I can walk by myself, thanks." Kurt glanced at the others. What would they say if he let Sebastian carry him? ****  
** **

"Babe..." Sebastian started as Kurt slipped yet again. "Please let me help, at least until we're back on the paved road. Ms July will murder me if I let harm come to her star pupil. She'd personally oversee our break-up." ****  
** **

Kurt sighed deeply. Sebastian's words made sense, though not in the way he meant them. Star pupil or not, if he actually damaged his ankles or legs, Ms July'd probably kick him out of the course, and there was a waiting list. He‘d set himself back at least one semester. ****  
** **

He shot Sebastian a resigned look and shuffled closer. "Okay," he said quietly. "But no more nicknames." ****  
** **

"I promise." Sebastian chuckled and bent lower to allow Kurt to climb up on his back. As Kurt put his hands on Sebastian's shoulders and jumped, Sebastian hooked his arms under Kurt's knees and shifted his weight up into a comfortable position before standing up straight. ****  
** **

Kurt wrapped his arms around Sebastian‘s shoulders, hugging him tightly to hold on. If he was honest, it was actually kind of nice. He squeezed his thighs a little tighter around Sebastian‘s middle. ****  
** **

"Thanks," he whispered in Sebastian‘s ear. ****  
** **

Sebastian kissed Kurt's arm and jumped him a bit higher up his back. "Any excuse to be close," he whispered back. ****  
** **

Kurt hugged him a little tighter. Suddenly it didn‘t seem so bad to be carried. ****  
** **

"Giddey-up!" he joked. "Let‘s catch up with Carole and the dad squad." ****  
** **

Sebastian chuckled. "I'm not gonna risk breaking both out necks." He started walking at a deliberately slow pace. ****  
** **

Kurt rested his head on Sebastian‘s shoulder. "Aren't you responsible today," he teased.  ****  
** **

Carole and Paul had joined Burt and Marc again up ahead. They all paused to watch them coming. ****  
** **

"Could you imagine Blaine doing that?" Burt remarked quietly. ****  
** **

"Never," Carole replied. "He'd be so caught up singing about a 'winter wonderland' that he probably wouldn't even have noticed Kurt falling." ****  
** **

Marc snorted loudly. ****  
** **

"He really is happy, isn't he?" Burt mused they watched Sebastian carry Kurt towards them, talking quietly between themselves, both smiling and laughing.  ****  
** **

"They both are," Marc said, squeezing Paul's hand. "They compliment each other well." ****  
** **

"Yeah," Burt agreed. "They really are a team." ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

After a while, as they reached the paved and de-iced road that lead to the coffee shop, Sebastian halted. Kurt clung to him.  ****  
** **

"Not yet," he whispered against Sebastian‘s neck. "I‘m so comfy…" ****  
** **

The coffee shop looked crowded. They were clearly not the only ones who had decided to take a walk down this way. As they got closer, Sebastian finally put Kurt down and got a warm kiss for his effort. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled into the kiss and slid his hands inside Kurt's coat, clutching his waist. "Hmm. I should carry you more often," he said chuckling. ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. "Now that I know how nice it is, I might let you," he said, winking. ****  
** **

They joined the others and went inside. They were lucky - six people just vacated a booth as they came in, and they quickly took a seat. Out of habit, Kurt cleared away the used mugs and plates and stacked them in a nearby trolley before sitting down.  ****  
** **

"You don't have to do that here, you know," Burt said. "I'm sure someone will come over soon." ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "I don't mind. You have no idea if the group who sat here even tipped. We might as well help them out a bit." He wiped his hands on an unused napkin and squeezed into the booth next to Sebastian. ****  
** **

For a moment, they all took turns looking at the menu, and Sebastian gave them his unsolicited opinion about all of the pastries. A waitress came and took their order. As they waited for their coffees, Carole leaned over the table. ****  
** **

"How are your friends in New York doing?" she asked conversationally. "Two of them were going to get married, right?" ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled fondly. "Alex and Steph. Yeah, that's still happening, but they're taking their time. They're saving up and Steph wants to finish school first." ****  
** **

"Is Alex already done?" Marc asked, cocking his head.  ****  
** **

Kurt and Sebastian exchanged a look and snorted. "No!" they said in unison.  ****  
** **

"He changes majors like, every year," Sebastian explained. "So far he's tried media studies, anthropology and now linguistics. Who knows how long he'll stick with it this time…" ****  
** **

"University is not for everyone," Marc said, shrugging. "Maybe it's just not his thing." ****  
** **

"I'm sure he'll find something he likes," Carole said. ****  
** **

"He already has," Kurt said with a smile. "Steph." He continued by telling them about all the wedding-related plans he had already been making with Steph, the cake-tasting and bridal tv shows they'd started watching together. Carole listened raptly and interestingly, so did Burt.  ****  
** **

Their coffees and pastries arrived, sparking some discussion about instagramming one's food and social media oversharing. Carole, who had neither Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, grew a little bored and tried to move on to another topic. ****  
** **

So, how will you be spending New Year's Eve?" she asked, looking at Kurt and Sebastian, and Marc and Paul in turn. "Watching the ball drop?" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "The three of us have to work," he explained, nodding at himself, Sebastian and Marc. "It's the busiest night of the year, so it's all hands on deck." ****  
** **

Sebastian caught Burt's concerned look and jumped in straight away. ****  
** **

"There's double security and it's entrance by pre-purchased ticket only," he said hastily. "The only way people can buy tickets is directly at the bar so everyone that will be there has been vetted and is a trusted regular." ****  
** **

Burt pursed his lips and nodded. ****  
** **

"I'll be there too," Paul added importantly. ****  
** **

"Sounds like it might be fun!" Carole said, smoothing over the moment. ****  
** **

"Oh, it will be," Sebastian said. After the Benefit, he really wasn't overly worried. "I worked on New Year's Eve last year and it was great! Partners and family are all invited and at midnight the lights go out and we watch the ball drop on a big screen that Joe sets up." ****  
** **

"We'd probably have been at the bar anyway, whether we had work or not," Kurt added, smiling. "Most of our friends will be there, too." He gasped as he suddenly remembered something. He turned to Sebastian. ****  
** **

"I forgot to tell you! Tristan and Gabrielle will be there, too! Tristan texted me earlier. They're having a pre-party at Isabelle's and then the whole group got tickets for Satire." ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled. "That sounds great! Well, of course we'll need to have our own pre-party…" ****  
** **

"You mean cutting limes and stacking glasses, right?" Marc asked sweetly. "Because your shift starts at six pm." ****  
** **

"Somehow you managed to sound like my _dad_ and my _boss_ at the same time," Sebastian remarked, cocking his head in wonderment.  ****  
** **

Marc shot him a mock glare.  ****  
** **

"Those people look like they need to sit down," Carole said, indicating a family that had just walked in. Burt nodded. ****  
** **

"Burt, what are you doing?" Paul asked as Burt stood up, pulling his wallet out of his pocket. ****  
** **

"Going to pay?" Burt asked confused. "We can't just leave without paying." ****  
** **

"Put it away, this one is on us," Paul said, taking his own wallet out of the inside pocket of his coat. ****  
** **

"Nah come on, you're our guests!" ****  
** **

"And you have been wonderful generous hosts!" Paul argued. "Please let me?" ****  
** **

"I won't have it!" Burt protested. ****  
** **

"After they have finished duking it out, we should go get some ice for Kurt's ankle," Carole said to Sebastian and Marc. ****  
** **

"It was ice that got me into this mess," Kurt said a little sullenly, if only to remind her he could actually _hear_ her talk over his head. He glanced out of the window. It had started to snow again. As nice as it had been to be carried by his boyfriend, Kurt wasn't entirely keen on repeating it back through the snow, knowing their luck they'd end up falling in a ditch. ****  
** **

"Why don't we walk back past the shops?" Carole suggested, hoping to cheer Kurt up. "It's all paved roads...nice and sturdy." ****  
** **

Kurt perked up and turned to smile at her. "Okay! That means I can walk."  ****  
** **

"All sorted?" Marc asked as Burt and Paul walked back to the table and started pulling on their jackets. ****  
** **

"Yep. I paid, Paul tipped," Burt said, looking satisfied. ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. Knowing Paul, he probably tipped about as much as their entire bill. There was one lucky waiter out there. ****  
** **

The group collectively slid out of the booth and started making their way to the exit. The family waiting smiled in thanks as they passed and hurried to take their places. ****  
** **

As they stepped back outside, Sebastian wrapped his arm around Kurt's back and drew him close so he could whisper. "I was looking forward to carrying you again." ****  
** **

Kurt grinned and leaned into the touch. "I can always ride you again later," he whispered back. ****  
** **

Sebastian's eyebrows rose up and he glanced around to see if any of their parents had heard. Carole and Burt were further ahead and seemed oblivious. Paul was talking to them animatedly. Marc, however, had passed them just at the right(wrong) time and threw them a smug smile and a wink.  ****  
** **

Sebastian turned a devilish leer in Kurt's direction and whispered hotly back in his ear. "Is that a promise?" ****  
** **

"If you want it to be," Kurt replied, licking his lips. God, how he loved having the old Sebastian back. And tonight, they'd be home again, and could be as loud as they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That feeling when everything seems perfect, but you know there’s 7 more chapters left… -_-;


	44. Not Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back home in New York, Kurt and Sebastian are still on a Christmas high - but it is not to last.

"Babe, can you hand me the s-" Sebastian broke off as he looked to the side and saw Kurt holding out the wooden salt grinder. He chuckled lightly and took it from his boyfriend with a light peck on the lips. "Thanks."

He sighed happily as he started to season the chicken they were using for their enchiladas. He'd already made the enchilada mix but it needed just a tiny bit more salt.

It was their first night back at home since Christmas. They'd flown back the evening before but had been invited to stay for dinner with Sebastian's dads and ended up staying the night, curled up on the guest bed with the dogs.

They'd come home early that morning and spent the day unpacking from their weekend, reminiscing about the celebrations and doing the mundane tasks one does after a vacation; laundry, vacuuming and filling up the fridge.

"Alice suggested meeting up somewhere tomorrow. She was hinting at maybe going ice skating, what do you think?" Sebastian asked Kurt. "Might be fun?"

"Sure, yes," Kurt agreed. After _Baby It's Cold Outside,_  he felt he had freed himself of his memories with Blaine - they were still there, but they no longer held him down. There was no need for him to feel encumbered by memories of his first time skating in New York...there'd be other times - a lifetime full of them, and all of them would be with Sebastian.

"Did you save me some spring onions for the salad - Ah. Thank you." Kurt took the small bowl Sebastian had set aside. Cooking was so _easy_ with him. Living was easy. He wished it could be like this forever.

His cellphone rang, and Kurt quickly rinsed his hands and dried them on his apron. "I'll tell whoever it is to call back later," he promised, and walked over to the table. "Oh, it's Sam!" he let out happily.

"Hey, Sam, how are you? We're great, thank you! Yes, it was wonderful." Kurt turned to look at Sebastian and smiled. "So how did it go with your family?"

Kurt sat down on the kitchen table, propping his feet up on a chair. He smiled as Sam started talking, and idly watched Sebastian work. He looked so handsome.

Sebastian smiled as he cooked, transferring the seasoned chicken to a preheated pan. A song from his playlist came on through the wireless speakers and he started swaying to the music, pushing the meat around the pan as he did so.

 _"All the girls on the block knocking at my door, wanna know what it is that makes the boys want more!"_ He swirled his hips and carried on singing. _"Is your lover, playing on your side, says he loves ya, but he ain't got time - well here's the answer come and get it at a knock-down price."_

"Mmm..." Kurt replied, his attention slowly drifting away from Sam's story to his boyfriend's swinging hips. Something about Sam's little sister...Georgio braiding her hair...Hmm. _Sebastian's_ hair was soft and thick, and his legs went on for _miles_.

Kurt blinked as he realised Sam had asked him something. He blushed and cleared his throat. "Sorry, we're cooking, I didn't catch that last bit. What did you just say?"

Sam repeated himself, but it was a lost cause - Sebastian had poured the both of them a drink and came dancing towards him, mouthing the lyrics to the song.

 _"Take a sip of my secret potion - I'll make you fall in love..._ _"_ Sebastian handed him a glass and blew him a kiss before returning to the stove, hips swaying.

"Sam, our dinner's almost ready," Kurt said decisively, his eyes raking up the length of Sebastian's legs and zeroing in on his ass. He felt his own jeans tighten as all the blood rushed south. He forced himself to focus for one more minute - he owed his friend that much.

"Are you guys back yet?" he asked. "Do you want to come skating with us tomorrow? I'll text you the time and place."

He took a large sip of his drink while Sam answered. "Okay, see you then, Sam. Thanks for calling."

Kurt put the phone and his drink down and climbed off the table. He slowly stalked back towards the kitchen.

"Sam says hi. And some other stuff, but...I don't remember. You were very distracting."

 _"Take a sip of my secret potion, one taste and you'll be mine_ _,"_  Sebastian sung in a low voice, looking over his shoulder at Kurt with a raised eyebrow. _"It's a spell that can't be broken, it'll keep you up all night."_ He smirked. "I'm just singing, babe," he said innocently, turning his eyes back to the stove. He stirred the chicken again and swirled his hips.

"Mmm, I can see that," Kurt murmured, stepping up closer until he stood right behind Sebastian. He nuzzled the skin behind Sebastian's ear. "It smells delicious," he whispered.

Sebastian shivered and closed his eyes. "It'll taste good too," he replied.

Kurt pressed up against his back a little. "Can I try some?" he asked, nipping at Sebastian's throat.

Sebastian sighed and pressed back against Kurt. "It's not ready yet," he teased half-heartedly. He felt hot all over and rolled his hips.

After the news on Christmas Day and their night together following it, things were almost back to the way they were before...and his body felt like they needed to catch up on lost time.

"Then..." Kurt started, letting out a sigh as Sebastian rubbed up against him, "we'll just have to find a way to...occupy ourselves until it's done." He was breathing deep and fast. Food was the absolute last thing on his mind right now. He reached around and set the stove to a lower setting, buying their excuse a little more time.

Sebastian moaned and let his head fall back against Kurt's shoulder. "Oh yes, I think we should."

He turned around in Kurt's arms, nuzzling Kurt's face with his.

Just as they anticipated each other's needs in the kitchen, Kurt knew what his boyfriend wanted and kissed him, tightening his grip. It finally felt natural again. He let his hands wander over Sebastian's back.

Sebastian breathed out through his nose and pressed into the kiss, moving a hand to cup the back of Kurt's head and hold him there.

The meat in the pan sizzled, and Kurt broke away from the kiss. This was a bit of a fire hazard; and it wasn't just his hot boyfriend. He searched for Sebastian's hand and pulled him away from the stove.

"We should keep an eye on the-" Sebastian started to protest. Kurt nodded.

"We will. From a safe distance. I don't want you to get hurt." He kissed Sebastian again, moving the both of them a little further away towards the sink. As he recalled, the drawer next to it also held some supplies.

Sebastian moaned into the kiss and felt his knees buckle slightly when Kurt tugged his bottom lip with his teeth. He pressed forward against Kurt and felt the hard line of Kurt's erection press up against him.  "I want you," Sebastian sighed. "Right here."

"God, yes," Kurt agreed eagerly. He watched as Sebastian stepped away a little and turned around, throwing Kurt a provocative look over his shoulder. Kurt quickly closed in, pressing up against his back.

Sebastian's hands gripped the sink and he bent forwards, pushing his hips back. The feeling of cold porcelain under his palms caused alarm bells to start ringing in his mind. He closed his eyes and tried to quiet them. _Not now,_  he told himself urgently.

With slightly trembling hands, Kurt reached around Sebastian to undo his jeans. He pushed them down so he could slip a hand inside and wrap his palm around Sebastian's erection. "Bas..." he breathed, touching him with one hand while beginning to fumble with his own jeans. Multitasking was _hard_.

Sebastian tried to focus on Kurt's hand around him. It felt _good,_ and having Kurt inside him would feel _amazing_. But the hard press of the sink against his thighs, the faint smell of bleach from the plug hole, the jingle of Kurt's belt buckle opening and the warmth of Kurt's panting breath on the back of his neck sent all of his senses in overdrive. It caused his brain to spiral. His whole body tensed up, bracing itself for pain.

"Stop it!" Sebastian shouted at himself, hitting his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

Kurt froze. "Bas?" he asked, his voice catching in his throat. He let go of Sebastian immediately and stepped to the side to look at him. "Are you okay?"

"No!" Sebastian spat, breathing hard.

Kurt breathed in sharply and swallowed. "I'm sorry," he offered, doing up his jeans. "I thought this was what you wanted."

"It is!" Sebastian growled. "It _was!_ But my stupid brain got in the way!"

Kurt felt his heart sink. He belatedly realised what kind of position he had put Sebastian in. How _could_ he? "It's okay," he offered sympathetically, putting his hand on Sebastian's arm. "We don't have to do anything. How about we just finish dinner-"

Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh and pushed away from Kurt's touch.

"Don't say it's okay, Kurt!" he snapped. "It's _not_ okay! I should be able to fuck my boyfriend when I want, _how_ I want, without my brain freaking out! It's not fair!"

Kurt cradled his rejected hand against his chest and nodded. "It's not," he agreed quietly. "I'm sorry, I should have known better than this-" he gestured at the sink helplessly and shook his head.

 _"Stop_ apologising!" Sebastian replied loudly. "It's not your fault! I don't need to hear you apologise a million times because it's what you _think_ I want to hear! I'm not Blaine. I don't need you to take responsibility for every little thing that goes wrong in my life!"

Kurt's jaw dropped. For a moment he was lost for words. Then, humiliation and anger pushed to the front, reviving his earlier vigor in all the wrong ways.

"Then what _do_ you want to hear?" he shouted. "So you don't want my sympathy. Do you want me to get mad at you instead? Poor Sebastian, the martyr, with the mean boyfriend? Is that what you want?"

"What I _want_ _?"_ Sebastian echoed, his eyes narrowing. "I want to be _me_ again! This-" He gestured at the sink, throwing up his hands in frustration. _"T_ _his_ is what I want - you, me, together, doing what we've done from the moment we became a couple." He paused, his lips twisting. "I want to _not_ have to go to therapy to learn how to act like a fucking human being!"

"That's not what therapy is for-" Kurt started to protest.

"Isn't it?" Sebastian bit back. "I had to re-learn to use the fucking _subway,_  Kurt." Suddenly the whole thing seemed ridiculous. Learning coping mechanisms for perfectly normal situations. _Pathetic!_ He looked at Kurt and thought he recognised a familiar expression on his face. Kurt was trying to figure out what to say to make it all better. Again.

"Just stop it," Sebastian spat.

Kurt arched up a single eyebrow. "Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like I am the _before_ picture of one of your projects! You can't fix this, Kurt! You can't fix _me_ , and I'm sick and tired of you building up my hopes. No matter what we do, no matter how much time passes or how many therapy sessions I go to - this will _never_ be over, and I'm _never_ going to be normal again."

Sebastian scoffed. "So yeah. Maybe it _would_ be better if you got mad. Your caretaker routine is getting old."

"Is that what you think it is?" Kurt asked. "A _routine?"_

"Isn't it?" Sebastian snapped. "Us two, dancing around each other, stepping lightly, negotiating, apologising - It's like working through a choreography no one bothered to teach us properly, and we keep stepping on each others' toes. Sure feels like a routine to me."

"Not to me," Kurt whispered, his lips drawn into a thin line.

"Then why don't you just be honest and stop trying to placate me?" Sebastian snapped. "Stop walking on eggshells."

"That's not what I'm-" Kurt started, then shook his head. He had heard _that_ before, and the memory of it was making him feel nauseous. The last time Sebastian had accused him of ‘walking on eggshells' was when Blaine was about to come home from LA. _That_ was what Sebastian thought he was doing now? Something inside him snapped.

"You know what?" Kurt let out. "Fine. You want me to be honest? How's this?" He spread out his arms. "I _hate_ this. I hate how unpredictable it is. One minute you're fine, and then you're not. I have no idea how I'm supposed to deal with that. At least with Blaine, I knew where I was at!"

Sebastian glared at him, his worst fears coming true. So Kurt was miserable with the situation. Fed up, frustrated and angry that Sebastian couldn't be the person that he used to be. Finally, they were at the core of their problems. _He_ was the core of their problems.

He felt something catch in his throat. It was like his body was physically rejecting this pain, trying to push it off together with the blame. All he knew now was to fight back. It was the way he had survived in the past - if he wanted to make it through this, there was only one way forward.

"Well, then maybe you should go and find someone else. Someone _whole_...Someone who can give you what you want."

Kurt shook his head in disbelief. Sebastian _was_ everything he wanted. Of course he wished they could be more spontaneous without accidentally triggering Sebastian - but in the grand scheme of things, they were okay.

But they were shouting things now, both of them venting their frustrations and shame and projecting them on the other. Kurt hated having misjudged the situation, hated how Sebastian had put words in his mouth he hadn't intended to say - and now he was suggesting Kurt to leave, as if having sex with a random other person was more important to Kurt than being with _him_.

"That's what you think I want?" he shouted. "To go out and fuck someone else?"

"Maybe it's what _I_ want!" Sebastian shouted back at him. "So I don't have to look at you and be reminded of what I can't have! Go on, _go!_ I'm sure Nick and Tim would love to give it another shot!"

Kurt shook his head, too angry to even speak. He breathed in deeply, then looked over his shoulder at the stove. "Your food's burning," he said bitterly. He stepped away, turning his back and heading for the door.

-

Sebastian watched as Kurt left, a dull ache in his heart. He knew he had broken everything now, including himself in the process.  

Kurt's final words registered in his head and he sniffed the air. He smelled burning. He turned hurriedly to see smoke billowing from the pan and fat spitting dangerously onto the oven top. He reached for an oven glove and lifted the smoking chicken from the hob, reaching to turn the burner down with his other hand.

Sebastian looked at charred remains of their dinner and let out a choked sob. He threw the pan into the sink and wiped furiously at his face.

What a fucking mess.

-

Kurt's fingers and toes tingled. What was it with dramatic fights in winter that made him leave the house improperly dressed? This time, at least, he had taken his coat - but no gloves, no scarf, and no warm shoes.

Almost 365 days ago, he had found out about Blaine's cheating and stormed out in his dress shirt and a rage of righteousness. Tonight, he was at least as much to blame as Sebastian, if not more, and the guilt nearly crushed him. He shivered and rehashed their fight, trying to figure out what he could have done differently, accepting the cold and his growling stomach as a just punishment.

He hadn't wanted to leave. He had promised he never would - but Sebastian had wanted him to go. How could he go against that, after what he had caused?

But where could he go? Not Satire, because he didn't dare face Marc, nor any of their mutual friends. Where would Bas go?

As soon as Kurt had asked himself that question, the idea that Sebastian might leave their apartment alone at night stopped him from going anywhere. Kurt simply crossed the street and sat down on a bus bench, watching the door of their building.

Sebastian might not want to see him anymore, but that didn't mean Kurt would stop watching out for him.

-

Sebastian scrubbed furiously at the pan, the sorry contents of their ruined dinner now sitting at the bottom of the garbage can.

 _I should have gone after him!_ Sebastian thought to himself while his hands repeated the same motion over and over again, a scrub sponge clenched tightly in his fist, scraping at the layers of burnt food and grease. _He'd come after me!_

 _But would he? He didn't last summer. You pined over him for weeks and he forgot all about you and moved on as if you'd never existed,_ a bitter voice reminded him in his head.

 _That's not fair!_ Sebastian thought. _He was with Blaine back then, who manipulated him into believing he was the only one in the world who would ever care for him. He shut me out to protect himself. He was wrong, but it wasn't his fault._

_And you went back and stood by him. Where is he now?_

Sebastian clenched his jaw and attacked a raised lump of soot in the pan with frantic, short scrubbing movements until his eyes watered. His knuckles scraped over the rough surface of the metal.

 _I told him to go,_ he reminded himself. _He only did what I asked._ Sebastian felt sick. He _knew_ how Kurt felt about casual sex, and how awkward he had felt with his NYADA friends, and yet Sebastian had taunted him with it, dragging up his embarrassment, and sent him running.

_Well, you sure fucked up then, didn't you?_

Sebastian snarled, unable to stop his mind from going over the obvious again and again, like prodding at a festering wound. _You fucked everything up. You always do. Your parents didn't want you, your grandparents sent you off, and now you've ruined the only good thing you had left in your life. Your friends will take his side. And what will your dads say when they hear what you said to him?_

"Shut up!" Sebastian called out to the voices in his head, angry tears rolling down his face. "Just stop! Leave me alone!"

He stopped scrubbing and bent his head over the sink, crying painfully. His hands were shaking. The scrubbing sponge was still clenched in his fist. The muscles of his wrist had cramped up and his fingers had gone stiff, the scars over his knuckles standing out white against the rest of his skin, which was scalded and pruned from the dish water. With a gasp, he managed to let go and stared at his palm. A blister was forming on the inside of his thumb where the abrasive side of the sponge had rubbed against the skin. Sebastian cupped his right hand with his left and carefully cradled it against his chest, hunching over with quiet sobs.

-

Kurt stood in front of his apartment door. Not going back had never crossed his mind; staying out for the night would have been cruel - Sebastian would surely have nightmares tonight, Kurt had made sure of that by letting his lust get to him. Yet he had stayed outside until he was completely calm and felt prepared to accept whatever Sebastian would say next. He didn't have a plan - all he knew was that he was willing to fight for him; even if he was fighting a part of Sebastian himself.

He knocked and waited, praying silently that Sebastian would let him in.

The sound startled Sebastian. Maybe it was their neighbour again, complaining about the noise...Mindless old busybody.

He lowered his hands and straightened his shoulders, wiping at his eyes. He knew he must look a mess, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

The knocking came again and he sighed, moving through the apartment towards the door. He knew from experience that the old bat wouldn't give in until someone answered.

"What is it Mrs-... _Kurt?"_ Sebastian gasped, taking in the sight of his half-frozen boyfriend.

"C-can I come in?" Kurt asked. Of course he could have let himself in with his key, but it had felt wrong to force his presence on Sebastian after he had told him to go.

Sebastian swallowed. Kurt had been the last person he'd been expecting. Fresh tears pooled in his eyes. He nodded silently and stepped aside to let him in, his thoughts racing. "Are you here to kick me out?" he asked quietly. Legally, it was still Kurt's apartment. Thank god he'd not gotten rid of his own place yet.

 _"What?_ " Kurt let out. "No! God, no. I came to beg you to take me back!" He gave Sebastian a desperate look. "I'm so sorry for getting angry at you, Sebastian. I know you said I should stop apologising, but it was wrong and I hurt you. I swear that was the last thing I wanted."

He took in the sight of his boyfriend. Sebastian looked awful and Kurt hated that he was the cause of it. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and make it all alright, but he didn't know if he was allowed. Feeling helpless and cold, he stuck his hands under his armpits to warm them and waited.

Sebastian closed his eyes and let Kurt's voice drown out the voices in his head. He nodded a little and opened his eyes to look at Kurt.

"You look frozen, come and get in the warm."

He took hold of Kurt's arm and pulled him into the room, shutting the front door behind them. He made Kurt stand in front of the radiator and took off his coat, grabbing a large blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapping it around him.

"I'm sorry too," he whispered after a while. "I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on you...I just hate that I'm so broken. I thought it was over."

"I know. Me too," Kurt admitted. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's hard to never know when it's going to hit. It makes me feel terrible; I keep asking myself what I could have done to spare you that. But you have to believe me, Bas-" Kurt pleaded, "even though it's hard, it's _no_ reason for me to give up and look for someone else."

He paused and Sebastian closed his eyes, a fresh tear rolled down his cheek. Kurt reached a tentative finger up to wipe the tear away. He was relieved when Sebastian didn't flinch away.

"I want _you,_ Bas," Kurt whispered. _"Only_ you. I should have stayed. But the insinuation that I would be better off with someone else made me _so_ angry I had to go and calm down outside."

Sebastian nodded and opened his eyes to look at Kurt. "I know. I know you want me, Kurt. And I know that if you were going to leave because of this, you would have done so already." He shook his head. "But I have this voice in my head- it's _so_ loud! And it keeps telling me how worthless I am. And no matter what I do, I can't shake it."

He dropped his head again and wrapped his arms around himself.

Kurt's heart broke at the sight of Sebastian looking so forlorn and vulnerable. His brain started working overtime to come up with something that would convince his boyfriend he was worthy of love. He knew Sebastian had said he should stop trying to fix him, but he had to do _something_. Suddenly, it came to him.

He let go of the blanket around his shoulders and took Sebastian's hand.

"Bas...will you marry me?"

Sebastian's mouth dropped open in surprise and he stared at Kurt, trying to process what he'd said. _That_ certainly shut the voice up.

Kurt looked at Sebastian nervously. He opened his mouth to speak, to elaborate when Sebastian cut him off.

"No."

Kurt dropped his hand and stepped away from him, sucking in a breath as the rejection hit him.

The flash of pain passing over Kurt's face hit Sebastian in the stomach and he hurried to explain. He reached for Kurt's hand again. "Not like this, Kurt..." he said softly. "I love you, and I _do_ want to marry you...I want nothing more in the world than be your husband. You have to believe that! But not like this."

He took hold of Kurt's other hand too, hoping fervently that he could make Kurt understand. "When we get married, it should be because we're both ready and it feels natural -  not as a way to end an argument."

Kurt opened his mouth to interrupt but Sebastian shook his head. "I've just spent the last hour trying to convince myself that it was all over and that _that_ was how it _should_ be…" he continued. "I was mentally preparing myself for you to say goodbye. I can't do this, not now. Not yet. "

Kurt nodded, the movement sending tears from his brimming eyes rolling down his cheeks. He understood what Sebastian was saying and yet he felt like everything had fallen apart around them.

He had ruined everything - not just their evening but his own _proposal,_ that he had been planning since Christmas and had even told his dad about. It should not have been done this way, like a band-aid on a wound; it was all wrong and Sebastian had been right to refuse.

But what happened now? How did they come back from this?

"I was always going to come home to you," Kurt whispered. Even if he wasn't trying to change Sebastian's mind, he needed him to know that. "I didn't even really leave. I just sat at the bus stop."

Sebastian felt his heart break at the look on Kurt's face and stepped forward. "I shouldn't have told you to leave in the first place. I'm so sorry." He ran his hands down Kurt's arms and pulled him into a hug. He was a little alarmed at how tightly Kurt returned his grip. Like Sebastian was a lifeline pulling him back to the safety of the shore.

Kurt pressed his face into Sebastian's shoulder, barely breathing to try and stop himself from breaking down. They couldn't keep doing this to each other. The problem with knowing each other so well, was that they both knew exactly what to say or do to inflict pain during an argument.

It was a defense mechanism they had both honed to perfection in their teens. Sebastian's was brought on by the utter devastation of being abandoned and abused, and Kurt's was the result of years or torment and being beaten down - both verbally and physically. They both came to this battle fully armed.

Over the past few months, Sebastian had made great progress in battling his demons...but Kurt hadn't. He had done what he'd always done; squashed them down into a box buried deep inside him, never really facing them, and presenting a strong front to the outside world. Perhaps it was finally time to change that.  "Maybe I should go and see a professional too," he said quietly, voicing his thoughts out loud.

Sebastian tightened his grip on his boyfriend and nodded. "It would make sense," he said quietly. "I hated it at first, but it really has helped me...with everything. And with the stuff you've been through, I think it might help you, too."

Kurt pulled back a little and looked at his boyfriend.  "Then I will. I want you to have the best version of me, Bas. You deserve that."

Sebastian smiled sadly and pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's lips. He let out a deep breath and held Kurt close.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Kurt's stomach started to rumble. In an attempt to diffuse the heaviness of their talk, he said : "You know, I think that the best version of me is very good at ordering food. Are you as hungry as I am?"

Sebastian grinned at him. "I am." His hands found Kurt's and he laced their fingers together. His fingers were still throbbing, but he hardly felt it.

Kurt felt the welted skin of Sebastian's fingers and palms and looked down. He was shocked to see the raw skin blistering. "What happened?" he whispered.

Sebastian shrugged and offered him a sheepish smile. "I think we may need a new pan."

Kurt shook his head a little. He could just imagine the stubbornness with which Sebastian must have tried to scour the pan if it made his hands look like this - and knew he would probably have done the same. "New pan, fresh start?" he offered, raising Sebastian's hand to his lips to place a kiss over the welts.

Sebastian nodded and kissed Kurt softly again. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too, Sebastian. And I will always come back," Kurt promised. Then, the corners of his mouth twitched a little. "Maybe someday we'll have a place large enough that we can cool down in different rooms of the same house after a fight, so neither of us has to catch a cold."

"I look forward to that," Sebastian said, sealing it with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used is https://youtu.be/MkElfR_NPBI


	45. Balance Issues Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things between Kurt and Sebastian are still on thin ice.

The following morning found Kurt and Sebastian at the Rockefeller Ice Rink with their friends. The group had chatted animatedly whilst pulling on their skates. Alice shared tales of her first Christmas with Brody's mom and Steph made them all melt with photos of Bonnie opening her presents. ****  
** **

Sebastian put on a smile and teased and laughed appropriately. Both he and Kurt avoided saying too much. The previous night hung over their memories of Christmas like a dark veil. With a few words here and there, Kurt and Sebastian skilfully encouraged their friends to talk some more. For a while, their cheerful stories helped them to forget what had happened between them.  ****  
** **

Once they were on the ice however, it all came flooding back. Suddenly, hearing how happy the other couples were together became too much for Sebastian to bear. Not wanting to spoil their mood, Sebastian isolated himself from the group and skated around the outside of the rink. ****  
** **

He watched the others as he glided across the ice. Alex, who was surprisingly agile, was having a race against Brody, weaving in and out of the throng of people with ease. Sam and Giorgio had just arrived and were still putting on their skates. ****  
** **

Steph wasn't all that steady on her feet, so Kurt and Alice kept her company. She was skating in between them, trying desperately to keep her balance. Every time she managed to stay upright, she'd get excited and try to skate off after Alex, resulting in her slipping and grabbing hold of one of their arms for balance. ****  
** **

Kurt was putting on a good front, laughing and teasing lightly when Steph slipped, or when Alice had almost been steamrollered by a couple because she'd been staring at Brody. But in the moments when the girls' attention was off of him, Kurt grew pensive and sad. Every now and then he would look up and they'd catch each other's eye, causing Sebastian to look away. ****  
** **

Following their fight, they had spent the rest of the evening on the couch. With the enchiladas ruined, they had ordered in Thai food and binge-watched _Ru Paul's Drag Race_ on Netflix. It was a good excuse to lose themselves in mindless TV and bitch about the contestants without really talking to each other. ****  
** **

Sebastian felt awful. He loved Kurt more than anything, and wanted nothing more than to stand up in front of their loved ones and make their bond official...and yet he'd turned down Kurt's proposal. ****  
** **

He knew he'd made the right decision; his reasons for saying no at the time were still valid...but it made him feel like crap, and he knew Kurt was still hurting as well. Seeing Kurt like this made Sebastian want to give himself another concussion. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"I'm really okay, you guys don't have to babysit me," Steph assured Kurt and Alice, and right after, overbalanced and nearly crashed into them. ****  
** **

"That's what friends are for, Steph," Alice said, her cheeks glowing red with cold. _"Lean on me_ , and all that. Right, Kurt?"  ****  
** **

Alice looked at him, but he didn't reply. She followed his eyes, and saw he was watching Sebastian. With a sinking feeling in her stomach, she realised it wasn't unlike the way Sebastian used to watch Kurt...before they were together. Kurt's eyes were filled with sadness and unrequited longing. ****  
** **

Sebastian had been behaving strangely ever since they arrived, or so Alice thought. Maybe, so had Kurt, though he was a little better at masking it when he thought someone was looking. Then again, he did go to theatre school, she reminded herself. Something was wrong between them. They were short with each other, almost perfunctorily, and so far had interacted more with their friends than each other. ****  
** **

Alice felt torn. Sebastian had made her promise she would keep her nose out of his and Kurt's relationship; to not automatically assume the worst, especially not about Kurt. But what kind of friend would she be if she didn't at least _ask_ _?_ She decided to wait until they took a break. Maybe there was a discrete way to figure out if they needed help. ****  
** **

"SCOOOOORE!" Alex said coming to a halt in the centre of the rink, causing people to glance his way. ****  
** **

"How the hell did you get so good, man?" Brody asked, stopping in front of him and shaking his head. He was breathing hard and clutching his midriff. ****  
** **

"I grew up in Minnesota, dude," Alex replied. "I spent most of my childhood skating around frozen lakes!" ****  
** **

"And he was on his schools Ice Hockey team!" Steph said, stumbling over to them. Alex took her hand and helped steady her. ****  
** **

Sam and Giorgio made their way over, coming to a halt in front of them with a spray of ice chips. ****  
** **

"Nice!" Brody said. "Is everyone here from Minnesota or what?"  ****  
** **

Sam and Giorgio shook their heads. "I've just always been good on my feet," Giorgio said. ****  
** **

"And I used to take my brother and sister for lessons before my dad lost his job," Sam replied.

"Sweet! I wanna race you!" Alex declared, pointing at the newcomers. "Kurt, you in?" ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head quietly. ****  
** **

Thinking nothing of it, Alex, Sam and Giorgio skated off, but Alice once again felt that something about Kurt felt _off_. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"Okay, I need a break," Steph declared after a while. "Anyone fancy a hot chocolate?" ****  
** **

"Oh! Me, me!" Alice said, eager for the opportunity to grill Sebastian. She immediately started waving for their friends to skate towards them. Brody, Alex, Sam and Giorgio headed their way. ****  
** **

"What's up, beautiful?" Brody asked, gliding up to her.  ****  
** **

"So c-c-coooold," Alice let out, faking an exaggerated shudder. Brody took the hint and wrapped his arms around her. ****  
** **

"Yeah, we need something hot," Steph said, winking at Alex, who gave her a sly look. "Like chocolate," she added teasingly, and he deflated. Steph chuckled and looked over at Kurt. ****  
** **

"Kurt? Drink?"  ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head a little as if to clear his thoughts, and blinked. He was looking very pale, with bright red splotches on his cheekbones and nose. "Sure," he said, his breath coming out in a small cloud. ****  
** **

"You're on stand-by today, man," Sam remarked, nudging Kurt's shoulder. "Too cold for you?" ****  
** **

Kurt shrugged. "Yeah." His eyes wandered to Sebastian again, who was still skating. "It's pretty cold," he mumbled. ****  
** **

"I'll catch up with him," Alex said cockily, and skated away after their friend. ****  
** **

Alice watched Kurt but didn't say anything.  ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

They were all couples, and there were too few seats. Alice remembered a time when Kurt and Sebastian would use _any_ excuse to sit on each other's lap, but not today. Maybe they were showing solidarity with Sam and Giorgio, who were also choosing to stand. When even seating arrangements were a way of coming out to the public, she could understand it was sometimes easier to fly under the radar. But was that _really_ it? ****  
** **

"How about a tag team race next?" Sam suggested after they had finished their chocolate. "First team to complete ten laps wins!" ****  
** **

"I'm in," Giorgio said right away. ****  
** **

"Me too!" Brody said, high-fiving Alex. They looked at Kurt and Sebastian next. ****  
** **

Kurt shook his head. "I'll stay with Bambi here," he said lightly, nodding at Steph. He briefly caught Sebastian's eye and offered him a hopeful smile. ****  
** **

Sebastian looked back at him, something fluttering in his chest at the memory of carrying Kurt over the snow. But it faded as soon as it had come, the dull ache of the night before pushing every happy memory to the back of his mind. "I'll return the mugs," he said decisively. ****  
** **

Alice quickly volunteered to help and told the others to go up ahead. ****  
** **

"I kind of want another," she said as they were alone. "How about you?" ****  
** **

Sebastian was staring out at the ice, watching Kurt walk away from him. The cold feeling in his chest had nothing to do with the ice. He sighed and rolled his right wrist, wincing slightly as it cracked. It hadn't hurt this badly in months. ****  
** **

_Stupid,_ the voice whispered in his ear. ****  
** **

"Seb?" Alice asked again, placing a hand on his arm. ****  
** **

"Hmm?" Sebastian pulled out of his thoughts and glanced at her. "Sorry, what?" ****  
** **

"I said: I am leaving the States to join a circus in Madrid," Alice said drily. "No. Do you want another drink?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head.  ****  
** **

_It's now or never,_ Alice told herself. ****  
** **

"Seb...what's wrong? You and Kurt seem kind of...out of it today," she tried carefully. "I'm not trying to butt in!" she assured him quickly, taking away her hand and showing him her palm. "I'm just a little worried." ****  
** **

Sebastian bit his lip. It was between him and Kurt. He shouldn't really be spilling their private business with their friends...but he felt so guilty that he thought he might burst if he didn't. ****  
** **

He sighed and flexed his wrist again, massaging it with his other hand. ****  
** **

"Kurt asked me to marry him last night." ****  
** **

Alice gasped and stared at him. Then she smiled and squeaked. "Oh my god, Seb! That's amazing!!" ****  
** **

Suddenly the vacant stares made sense. They probably stayed up all night _celebrating_. It explained the longing look in Kurt's eyes as well: forced socialness, when they'd much rather be- ****  
** **

Sebastian swallowed and fought back tears. "I said no." ****  
** **

"I can't wait to tell Steph- ...wait. _What?"_ Alice stared at him. Nothing added up. He said _no_? "Why?" she whispered, his expression bringing tears to her eyes as well. "I thought…" ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed and closed his eyes. "Because we'd just had a massive fight and the way he proposed...like...it was the only way to make things better! To _appease_ me...and that's not what I wanted." ****  
** **

Alice opened and closed her mouth a few times like a goldfish. She didn't know what to say. They loved each other so deeply - what could have been so bad that Kurt felt he had no other choice? He had told them about how Blaine proposed, and the messed up reasons he had accepted. Why would he ever want to do that to Sebastian? ****  
** **

To force herself away from thoughts about blaming Kurt, Alice decided to focus on Sebastian. ****  
** **

"Did something happen at Christmas?" she asked timidly. ****  
** **

Sebastian stared at the empty mugs on the table. His eyes glazed over a little. Christmas had been perfect - so perfect it hurt, now that he had fucked it all up. ****  
** **

"Christmas was...amazing. Alice, it was perfect. Everyone got on well, we had presents and food and games...it was one of the best Christmases I've ever had." ****  
** **

Alice frowned. "Then what?-" ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed. "I got a call on Christmas Day. They caught the other three guys who raped me." ****  
** **

Alice breathed in sharply. "That's... _good,_ isn't it? I mean..." She frowned. She understood how anything that reminded him was bound to bring him down, and yet…Maybe it was about having to re-tell his story yet again, to strangers. She vividly remembered him telling them. Had Kurt pushed him into testifying? "Are you worried about the trial?"  

Sebastian shook his head. "No...I mean, yes, I am worried, but that's not what this is about." ****  
** **

"Then what is it?" Alice asked a little desperately.  ****  
** **

Sebastian took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking. "That night, at Christmas, after we'd gotten the news...Kurt and I had sex, and I-" He broke off and paused for a moment. "I let him top for the first time since the attack last summer..." He sighed and shook his head. ****  
** **

Alice let him take his time. They'd never had problems talking about sex before he got together with Kurt, but since then, he hadn't shared any details with her. She knew about Sebastian's preferences, but nothing about Kurt.  ****  
** **

Given the circumstances, this sounded like a big deal. She couldn't imagine what it had to be like to give another person access to his body after going through what Sebastian had. ****  
** **

"...but?" she prompted gently. "It wasn't like before?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. "No, that's just it! It _was_! It was amazing and it felt like everything was back! Like it was all finally over and we could be _us_ again." ****  
** **

He slumped his shoulders and looked at his feet. ****  
** **

"So, last night, we were cooking dinner and flirting and...things...escalated. We started making out, we couldn't keep our hands off each other..." He swallowed. "I got cocky. I thought I could do it again, right there in the kitchen. But when we got down to it... I had a flashback and it all went to shit. I freaked out and we had a massive fight." ****  
** **

Alice clasped a hand over her mouth. "Oh no..." she whispered. "So how...why...You wanted to stop and he didn't? He didn't push you, did he?" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked up at her and she quailed under his glare, hating herself a little. ****  
** **

"No, he didn't! As soon as I said no, he stopped...he _listens,_ Alice." ****  
** **

Alice winced. "I'm sorry. I'm just not getting the full picture. Please just tell me, Sebastian. You _know_ you can talk to me. Whatever it is…" ****  
** **

"It was _me,_ alright? I got angry because I thought things were getting better. I was angry at myself for being so damn weak, at my brain for not being able to handle a simple quickie anymore. I've had sex like that a hundred times, Alice! But ever since the summer, I _can't,_ and I hate it. I hate constantly having to _plan_ our love-making like a date, and lay out ground rules and safe words just in case my brain freaks out..." ****  
** **

He shook his head. "It was like Christmas raised the bar on what was normal and I let both of us down when I couldn't do a repeat performance."  ****  
** **

"Kurt was understanding as usual... _too_ understanding. I was already angry at myself, and him being accepting and supportive pissed me off more, so _I_ picked a fight. I told him to get out of the apartment and to-" He winced. "To find someone else to fuck," he added in a whisper, embarrassment glowing in his face. "Someone who could actually _do_ it." ****  
** **

"Oh, Seb..." Alice sighed. "And he reacted by proposing to try and make it better?" ****  
** **

It was clearly a wrong move, but in this context, she understood where he was coming from. Maybe he had wanted to show Sebastian that he wanted to be with him even if they couldn't have sex the way they wanted to. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. "He was angry, and he left to cool down. I thought he'd left for good! But then he came back and…" He trailed off and stared at the floor. "I did exactly what we promised we wouldn't do, and pushed him away, and then when I said ‘no'...I dunno." He trailed off and let out a large gust of air. "I just didn't want it to be like that. I didn't want a ring on my finger reminding me of all the horrible things I said to him on the night we got engaged!" ****  
** **

A tear slipped down Alice's face and she sniffled a little. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed. "We made up and spent the rest of the night cuddled together watching TV...but it wasn't the same, Alice. I think I've ruined it." ****  
** **

Alice briefly closed her eyes, then looked at Sebastian again, her expression a little softer. "Did you tell him _why_ you said no?" she asked. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. ****  
** **

"Well...if anyone would understand that, it's him," Alice said, pulling up her shoulders. "And if you made up...maybe you just need a little time. A fight is not the end of the world." ****  
** **

Sebastian scoffed. "The last time we fought like that, we didn't talk for a month..." he said quietly. He thought back to their fight about Blaine. "We were even standing in almost the exact same spot," he added."What are the odds?" ****  
** **

Alice shook her head. "You weren't together, then. This is different. Sebastian, you _love_ each other. You can work this out." She put her hand on his arm and squeezed. "You waited so long for him...you're not going to let him slip away because you lost your temper, are you?" ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head. "I don't want to ever let him go...but what if it isn't up to me? What if he's decided that I'm more trouble than I'm worth and he wants out?" ****  
** **

"He asked you to marry him," Alice replied. "That does not sound like a man who wants out." ****  
** **

_I'll always come back_ …Kurt's words from the night before reverberated around his head. Sebastian bit his lip and nodded. Deep in his heart, he knew Kurt wanted to be with him.  ****  
** **

Alice took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. So now you've realised things might not be as bad as you thought...what are you planning to do about it? Apart from, you know, this self-pity thing you got going on?" ****  
** **

Sebastian thought about it for a moment. Alice was right. He _was_ wallowing a bit, wasn't he? Kurt wanted to be with him. He had proposed - not in the heat of the moment, but after he had calmed down. Sebastian knew he had meant it, even if the timing had been bad.  ****  
** **

He sighed and shook his head. "I'm going to fix it." ****  
** **

"Of course you are," Alice agreed. "The both of you need to put this behind you and figure out how to go on. There's _bound_ to be more fights in the future. You're not robots. Bad days happen. But what matters is how you deal with them." ****  
** **

Sebastian let out another breath and nodded, smiling at her. "Thanks, Alice." He squeezed her hand. "I've missed you." ****  
** **

Alice pressed her lips together in a little pout, then quickly wrapped her arms around him. "Me too," she said, the sound muffled against his jacket. She held on for a moment, then pulled away. ****  
** **

"Now go get him," she encouraged him. "If I know Kurt at all, he wants to be swept off his feet, if the right person does the sweepin'. He loves that ‘movie ending' stuff." ****  
** **

Sebastian let her go and grinned. "That's true. He _is_ a hopeless romantic," he said. ****  
** **

He sighed and  offered her his hand. "Come on, I doubt Brody would say no to a little Alice lovin'." ****  
** **

"He never does," Alice said smugly, taking his hand. They walked up to the rink and spotted their friends; Brody was still racing with Sam, Giorgio and Alex, and Steph was skating arm in arm with Kurt.  ****  
** **

Alice waved her hands over her head. Sam caught her eye and shouted something at Brody. He cut a corner and came skating towards her. ****  
** **

Sebastian released her hand as Brody approached and slid smoothly on to the ice. Kurt and Steph were skating slowly in the middle of the rink, staying clear of most of the traffic. ****  
** **

Sebastian caught Alex's eye and nodded in their direction with a wink. ****  
** **

Alex looked confused for a moment before realising what Sebastian wanted and nodded back, changing his course of direction to head over to his girlfriend. "Mind if I take her for a spin, Kurt?" he asked, offering Steph his hand. ****  
** **

"Go ahead," Kurt said, letting go of Steph's arm as she took Alex' hand. "Hey, who won the race?" ****  
** **

"Psssh!" Alex scoffed. "Team Brolex, of course." ****  
** **

"Of course," Steph agreed, chuckling. She kissed his cheek.  ****  
** **

Kurt watched them go with a smile that slowly faded the further they skated off. Would he and Sebastian ever get that back? ****  
** **

Sebastian saw Kurt's smile drop and felt something clench tightly in his chest. Determined to put things right, he skated smoothly around the other people on the ice and headed directly for his boyfriend. ****  
** **

Kurt glanced up as Sebastian approached and Sebastian saw the confusion and raw emotion pass over his beautiful face. ****  
** **

"Wh-" Kurt began to say as Sebastian came to a smooth stop in front of him. ****  
** **

Wordlessly, Sebastian stepped closer, sliding an arm around Kurt's back and curling his other hand around the back of his neck, and kissed him full on the mouth. ****  
** **

Kurt only hesitated a split second. Then he was kissing Sebastian back, burrowing his gloved hands into Sebastian's jacket to pull him closer. All of his worries and _Plan B'_ s melted away. Sebastian still loved him, and they'd be okay. ****  
** **

Sebastian held the kiss for as long as he could, soaking in the touch, press, _feel_ of Kurt. He never wanted to give this up, ever. ****  
** **

Eventually the need to breathe and stability issues of being on ice took over and Sebastian pulled away, though not by much. He pressed their foreheads together and breathed deeply. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I pushed you away." ****  
** **

"I'm sorry I let myself be pushed," Kurt replied. "You were right. It's a habit of mine that dates back to Blaine. I promise to work on it." He kissed Sebastian once more to seal the promise. He would stand his ground and speak his mind - Sebastian deserved nothing less. ****  
** **

Kurt smiled against Sebastian's lips. "So the _old_ Kurt and Sebastian messed up. The new us will do better," he whispered. Then, an idea came to him. ****  
** **

"There's something I would like you to do for me tonight." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and raised an eyebrow at Kurt's words. "Anything," he whispered. ****  
** **

"I want you to build us a pillow fort like you did last year," Kurt said. "And then we can break out your dads' Christmas box. I think we both need that." ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and closed his eyes, pressing his forehead to Kurt's again. "I can do that," he whispered. "I love you so much!" ****  
** **

"Not as much as I love _you,"_ Kurt replied, smirking a little at the saccharine line. Sebastian had just kissed him right in the middle of an ice rink in NYC like they were in the last ten minutes of a rom com, so he might as well throw in a corny line. Sebastian would know he meant it, underneath. ****  
** **

"Want to see if we can catch up with Alex now he's distracted?" he suggested, taking Sebastian's hand. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and squeezed Kurt's hand, curling their fingers together. "Hell yes! I think we can take him!"


	46. Happy New Year, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many people can say they look forward to going to work on a holiday?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a two-parter, split for length.

"You almost ready babe?" Sebastian called to Kurt in the bathroom.

"Almost," Kurt called out, running a lint brush over his new shirt. He'd hand-washed it right after Christmas so he could wear it for New Year's Eve.

Kurt looked at himself critically in the mirror. He knew the crowd would be vetted tonight, and yet he caught himself policing his outfit. What was his look trying to _say_ _?_ In school, he'd taken several factors into account: season, cut, _edge_ \- and avoiding white or dry-clean-only on days when the cafeteria served red sauce. He had grown into a more comfortable style at NYADA, saving his more intricate pieces for Vogue days, but since summer, he caught himself factoring in a new criterium: was his outfit too inviting?

He let out a sigh. 

 _It's fine,_ Kurt told himself. _You look amazing and the bouncers will see to anyone who has problem with that._  

He relaxed his shoulders and lifted his chin up, his confidence setting back in. 

Sebastian walked passed the open door and Kurt smiled. Their first New Years Eve together. Well, before midnight anyway. Technically, they had spent the first hours of the current year together as well, but as he had spent most of it crying, it didn't count. He still couldn't believe it had taken him until Sebastian's birthday to see what should have been obvious then and there: they were meant to be together. This year had started with Sebastian accepting him in at his very lowest; hopefully they would start the new year on a high. 

Their evening in the pillow fort had helped them get back on track. Kurt suspected Marc and Paul had known an evening would come that they'd need something like that - a couple that had been together as long as they had would have had their share of fights too. The fact that they were still together proved they knew some tricks about working things out. An evening with no distractions had turned out to be just what they needed. 

 **[2 nights earlier]**  

"I never knew we had so many pillows and cushions," Sebastian said, laying back against the padded mound he had constructed under a roof of draped sheets and strings of fairy lights. He reached out an arm to Kurt, silently gesturing him closer. Kurt took the hint and settled back in his arms. "Yeah, well, as much as I like to claim I am _not_ a delicate flower," he mused, taking a sip of his wine, "I do like sleeping comfortably..." He looked up at the twinkling lights. "I guess this is a lot more stars than we'd get to see on Marc and Paul's balcony…" 

Sebastian tightened his arm around Kurt and kissed his forehead. 

"Downside to living in the city," he said. "Light pollution..." 

"I'll take these over real stars in Ohio any night," Kurt said. "New York is our home now. And hey, this way, we can make our own constellations! Look - that loop over there?" He pointed at the corner of their sheet tent. _"Eggs Benedict_. A _very_ popular star sign of New York city." 

Sebastian snorted. "That one there," he said pointing at a line of lights in a vertical line. "Is the _Swan Dive."_  

"Hmm. Very poetic," Kurt agreed. Then he grinned. _"_ _Boring,_  though. Over there, those little dots. _Sebastian's Freckles_. _"_  

Sebastian laughed. "Oh yeah?" 

"They're my fave," Kurt joked. 

Sebastian shook his head in mirth. He never did understand why Kurt was so fascinated with his birthmarks - but he was consistent about it so it had to be a thing. He took a sip from his wine and let the taste linger on his tongue, thinking about all the times Kurt had insisted on kissing every single spot on his skin. Then, he smirked. 

"There," he said, pointing at a row of lights. "If you follow that line all around to there-" He squinted and circled his finger. _"Kurtus Maximus_. Favourite constellation to make a wish on, for all _little_ boys hoping to be _big_ boys some day." 

"Oh my god!" Kurt let out, poking his side. "I'm scandalised!" 

Sebastian chuckled. "What? You can have your freckles in the sky - I'd rather lay back and look at your dick." 

Kurt clasped his hand over his face and shook his head as he laughed. "My dick...is _not..._ in the sky!" he hiccoughed in between laughs. "I thought we were being romantic here!" 

"I was!" Sebastian countered. "I happen to think your dick is _very_ romantic." He schooled his face into a more serious expression. "Okay, okay. No more under-the-belt constellations, I promise...unless it's Orion's." 

"Good," Kurt said, trying to sound stern, but still smirking. He took another sip of wine. "I see another one," he announced. 

"That bright one," he said softly. _"Kurt and Sebastian's Victory."_  

Sebastian paused. 

"It's already up there," Kurt said. "It's written in the stars." 

"I can see it," Sebastian whispered. He let his eyes wander over the linen ceiling and pondered for a moment. "It says we're going to be okay." 

Kurt turned his eyes to look at up at Sebastian's face. He looked hopefully optimistic and Kurt felt a lump form in his throat. He pressed a kiss to Sebastian's jaw and nuzzled his face into his boyfriend's neck. "The stars are always right," he whispered, breathing in Sebastian's aftershave. 

They were quiet for a moment, but the silence no longer felt the same as it had at the ice rink. 

- 

Kurt blew himself a kiss in the mirror and stepped out into the living room to show Sebastian. He vogued a little, striking a few poses. "Acceptable?" he asked playfully. 

Sebastian's eyes travelled over Kurt's body, taking in the smooth lines and planes of his torso. _Really,_ he thought to himself. _It should be illegal to be that attractive._ "Perfect," he replied. 

Sebastian looked down at his own outfit; leather boots, dark blue jeans and a deep purple long sleeved button down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

He'd decided to forgo his contacts tonight and wore his glasses instead. It was bound to be a long night, and he didn't want to risk his eyes drying up halfway through. "What about me?" he asked, turning on the spot.

Kurt cocked his head and pretended to look at him critically. With his best poker-face, he said: "Well...you've _almost_ got it...but there's _something_ missing..." 

He stepped up and slowly leaned forwards, pressing a light kiss to Sebastian's lips. "There," Kurt whispered, staying close. "Perfect." 

Sebastian smiled at him and lifted a hand to stroke Kurt's cheek. "I can't believe how much has changed in a year," he whispered. "This time last year, I never would have believed you'd be mine." 

Kurt closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on Sebastian's touch. "And I never would have believed I could be loved like this," he confessed, opening his eyes again. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to work up the nerve to try and find out." 

Sebastian smiled at Kurt and leaned down to kiss him. "You were worth the wait," he said against Kurt's lips. 

Kurt let out a soft huff of breath. "I'm not sure Joe will feel the same way if we are late. We should go," he whispered, pulling away reluctantly. "Off to the new year." 

- 

The subway was a lot more crowded than usual. Well-dressed people on their way to dinner parties, half-intoxicated businessmen and women on their way home from festive end-of-year celebrations at the office, last-minute shoppers and tourists on their way to Times Square. Kurt and Sebastian found a spot by the door, directly under the emergency alarm. Though there was hardly any space to stand, they held hands between them. 

Sebastian gripped Kurt's hand tightly, his back against the wall of the carriage. This was the most crowded subway he'd been on since his attack and he could feel his nerves standing on end. Kurt's reassuring grip and the presence of him as a shelf against the crowd was helping to keep Sebastian centred.

"We're almost there," Kurt said quietly. He wished some of the party-goers wouldn't be so loud, but supposed that making their quiet down would only call attention to themselves, and they weren't harming anyone. The doors opened, and they were the first to get out. Kurt could feel Sebastian's grip on his hand relax and smiled. They'd go the last few blocks on foot.

- 

"Ah, the auxiliaries are here!" Marc announced as they walked into the club ten minutes later. "I really need a smoke." 

"Auxiliary means _help,_ not replace," Kurt said. "And weren't you going to quit?" 

Marc grinned. "I am. New Year's resolution. New year, new me. So I have to finish my pack before midnight." 

"...or before Paul gets here," Danny said, grinning as he walked up to them from the back with a crate of fruit. "So whipped," he said as he set the crate down on top of the bar. 

"Aha ha," Marc let out without mirth. "Says the guy growing a goatee for his _boyfriend_. _"_

Danny narrowed his eyes and his hand went up to his chin. "That's not- I like it this way! It's _my_ choice! It has nothing to do with Elliott!" 

"Whatever you say, Danny-boy. I'll see you guys in five minutes. Kurt: ice. Sebastian: pineapple," Marc directed, and pulled a cigarette from his pack. 

Sebastian stepped aside for Marc so he could pass through the bar hatch and then slid through, grabbing two aprons for himself and Kurt. 

"Boyfriend, huh?" Sebastian asked Danny with a grin, wrapping his apron around himself. 

Danny avoided Sebastian's eyes and busied himself with the sink. "Yeah, well...maybe. I guess." He shrugged and stared ahead for a moment. Then he looked up into his friend's eyes. "Yes. I hope so," he decided. "I mean, we've been hanging out...but we haven't actually…you know-" He rolled his eyes. Sebastian could fill in the blanks. 

Kurt smirked. Danny was usually a lot more direct about his sex life. It really seemed like this was something else. 

"I really like him, though. And I think he likes me too?" Danny continued, smiling self-consciously. "I'm _way_ out of my depth, but I'm trying. Maybe you guys can give me some tips." 

Sebastian smiled at Danny and felt a warm feeling blossom in his chest. "Sure," he promised. "My number one tip is to lay off the hook-ups." He winked at him. 

"I am!" Danny said immediately, "I haven't- Oh." He saw the grin on Sebastian's face and realised it'd been a joke. "Doh," he mumbled. 

Sebastian chuckled. "I have to warn you, though," he added, suddenly stern. "If you hurt Elliott, I will hurt _you."_  

Danny mustered his friend and his smile faded a little. Kurt was pretty sure if it went by pure strength, Danny could out-wrestle Sebastian within seconds, but not everything was about the physical. 

"I will do my best to avoid that," Danny promised solemnly. 

Sebastian nodded. "I really _am_ happy for you, Dan," he offered in conclusion, wanting to take the edge off his threat a little. "Elliott is a great guy." 

Danny returned the smile, showing him there were no hard feelings. "Thanks, Seb. I'm happy for you, too. And Elliott will be here later, so you can keep an eye on us." He winked at his friend. 

"Bas might be busy," Kurt added, smiling too. "In the VIP area." He gestured at the space between his arms. 

Danny barked out a laugh and shook his head. He tossed Sebastian a pineapple from the crate on top of the bar and he caught it. "Enough chit-chat. Let's get to work, we've got a lot to do before the doors open later." 

- 

They worked in an amiable atmosphere, preparing the bar and setting up extra cocktail tables and two displays for their champagne towers. Marc walked their temporary waiting staff- two of Paul's interns from the hospital eager to boost their education funds- through the security measures and fire safety instructions, and Joe kept the dj busy with checking and double checking the screen for the Times Square coverage. 

Soon enough, the doors opened and the place filled up in no time. It was completely sold out, and as expected, everyone wanted their complimentary welcome cocktail at the same time. The ones they had managed to prepare beforehand were gone in no time and Kurt, Danny, Sebastian and Marc were in constant rotation: fetching fresh ice, fruit and crates of liquor. It was clear why Joe wanted all hands on deck for tonight. 

Paul arrived a little after opening, wearing a loudly patterned shirt and matching vest. 

"Evening gents," he greeted them cheerfully. "Danny! I like your new look. Edgy. Yes, it suits you." 

Marc rolled his eyes a little. 

"What?" Paul asked. "Just because I'm married, doesn't mean I am suddenly blind. And, well, I'm glad you have such handsome men around to take the attention off you so you'll come back to me in the mornings," he added teasingly. 

"Ha fucking ha," Marc said handing Paul a glass of whiskey. "Why don't you just go sit in a booth and drink your drink? I have work to do." 

"Love you, darling," Paul replied, blowing him a kiss. He held up his glass in a salute. "Top this off every now and I'll behave." 

"You'd better, if you want me to top _anything_ off," Marc grumped, but the corners of his mouth and the sparkle in his eyes belied the tone of his voice. 

Kurt made an exaggerated 'oh!' face at Sebastian, who just shook his head, clasped his hands over his ears and mouthed 'no!' with a pained expression. 

Paul chuckled and sauntered off. 

Kurt was still grinning as he watched him go. He wondered what he and Sebastian would be like in 15 years. He hoped they could be like them. 

Two expectant faces broke him from his reverie. They were Tim and Nick from NYADA. They were waving their vouchers at him. Kurt grinned. 

"Hey boys. I hope you had a hearty dinner, so you can try some of our New Year's Eve specials!" Kurt said. They had a few special cocktails on the menu for the night, but those were definitely not for lightweights. 

"Will you save a dance for us, Kurt?" Nick asked eagerly, Tim nodding at his side. 

Kurt smiled. "Sure," he promised, knowing Sebastian would be okay. He had mentioned them in their fight as a knee-jerk reaction to the situation, not because he actually distrusted Kurt.

Tim and Nick saw him glance over to his boyfriend. 

"He's a lucky man," Nick commented fondly. 

Kurt shook his head. "I'm the lucky one," he corrected. "Excuse me, boys." He set their cocktails down on napkins on the bar and went over to Sebastian. Sam and Giorgio had just come up to greet him. 

"Seb, how are you doing, man?" Sam asked. "The place is _packed_ tonight." 

"I'm good, thanks," Sebastian said honestly. 

"Well, if you need us to do anything-" Sam started. 

"I think he needs us to have a good time," Giorgio said, reeling Sam in a little. They both felt protective of Sebastian after having been there when he was hurt last summer, but if Sebastian said he was okay, they didn't need to make him nervous. He had managed well at the Benefit as well. "The place looks great." 

"And so does Bas," Kurt said proudly, joining them. _"_ _I_ added the finishing touch." He winked at Sebastian. 

Sam chuckled. It was good to see the old Kurt back - the way he had been when they met in school, long before Blaine. The boy who had opted to sing a duet with himself had finally found his equal - and so had _Sam,_ and that was all thanks to Kurt. 

Sebastian put their welcome cocktails in front of them, and Sam raised his in a toast. "To Kurt and Sebastian, and their great taste in friends," he said, beaming at Giorgio. 

"I'll drink to that," Giorgio agreed.

- 

Kurt and Sebastian joked and laughed their way through the first part of their shift. Despite it being crowded, the atmosphere was light and it seemed like everyone was just a little more patient and generous. Every single guest gave them a little extra "for the new year" and it easily rivalled their performance nights, probably trumping it by the end of the night. 

"Look, it's mister Sex on the Beach," Kurt said, nodding at the dance floor. They had named a few of their regulars after their favourite orders. "He's dancing with Designated Driver! Think they're together?" Kurt cocked his head and looked at them. Adorable. 

Sebastian looked over. "If they're not already, they will be tonight." 

Kurt sighed happily. Love was in the air tonight. Isabelle had made her entry too, with her friends and Tristan in tow. They were easily the best-dressed clique at the party, and Kurt had steered them towards Paul’s booth to talk fashion and platform heels. 

"Hey Kurt!" Tim and Nick had arrived back at the bar. "How about that dance?" 

Kurt looked around to see how many patrons were at the bar. There was a small lull in orders, and Kurt figured he could use a break. Marc nodded at him. 

"Sounds good," he told the both of them. "But first - some fuel." 

He set out three shot glasses on the bar, filled them to the brim, pushed two across to Tim and Nick and carefully raised one to his lips. "To the new year!" 

"Cheers!" the others yelled over the music, and downed their shots. 

Kurt rounded the bar, kissing Sebastian on the cheek while he passed him, and joined his two friends on the dance floor. 

The mood was different from that first time they'd danced together; more relaxed, and with less sexual tension - but somehow just as sensual. Tim and Nick were both good dancers and attractive men, and even if Kurt had no intention to take them home, he couldn't deny that dancing with them was very hot. 

They had sandwiched him between them again, moving their hips to the rhythm. Kurt let his head fall back to rest on Tim's shoulder, and had his arms around Nick. 

As Sebastian finished mixing a drink for a customer, Marc walked up to him. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, with a small nod to Kurt. 

Sebastian followed his gaze to where Kurt was dancing with Tim and Nick. Sebastian remembered the feeling of regret and jealousy he'd had the last time he'd seen that. 

"I am," he said honestly. "They can dance with him and flirt all they want. I know that, at the end of the night, _I'm_ the one that gets to take him home, and I'm the one that gets to spend the rest of my life with him." He felt something glow in his chest."Besides," he added to assure Marc, "I know _them,_ too. They're good guys. They would never step over the line I know that Kurt has drawn with them." 

Marc clapped him on the shoulder. "Good," he said. _"I_ know that it's just an innocent dance, but there are plenty of guys who'd be uncomfortable with it. I just thought I'd check in case I'd have to talk you out of that." 

He looked over to the sitting area, where Paul would be somewhere. "I'm pretty sure Paul gets plenty of flirty interns and nurses at the hospital every day, too. I can't worry about stuff like that. Sometimes he even flirts without intending to! Back there with Danny, I know Paul was just honestly giving out compliments without thinking about it. He sees something he likes, he says something, regardless of whom he's talking to or how they might take it." 

He grinned. "As you can imagine, it confused me a little when I was still with Isa." 

Sebastian grinned. He could imagine how it must have made Marc feel. He had probably never heard a man give out compliments so freely, particularly to another man. 

"Paul has a way of making people feel good about themselves," Sebastian agreed. "If you've never had that, it can take some getting used to...I know Kurt still finds it difficult to accept compliments sometimes." 

"Yeah, I noticed that too," Marc said, nodding. "Which is weird because he's _so_ talented! You know, the theatre kids at my high school were all incredibly arrogant." He shook his head with a grin, thinking about it. "All they wanted was to be in music videos. God, I'm _old_. Do they even _make_ music videos these days?" 

- 

After a few songs, Kurt told the boys he needed to get back to work. The truth was, he needed to get back to _Sebastian_. He hugged each of them in turn, thanking them for the dance, and hurried back to the bar. Once he was behind it, he went straight for his boyfriend. 

"Never have I ever wanted to kiss you more," he whispered playfully. 

Sebastian grinned and leant in to Kurt's side a little. "Save it for midnight," he said quietly, his eyes fixed on Kurt's lips. "I'm trying to be professional here." 

"When you boys can stop making eyes at each other," a voice said, breaking Sebastian's focus. "Some of us would like a drink before next year." 

Sebastian looked up and saw Elliott standing at the bar, grinning at them. 

Sebastian returned the grin and turned to face his friend. "Hey!" 

"Kurt, Sebastian," Elliott greeted them. Kurt thought he looked more like Starchild tonight; decked out in a sequined jacket and with metallic blue eye shadow matching a blue streak in his hair, Elliott had really glammed up. 

"What can I get you?" Kurt asked. 

Elliott licked his lips and looked at the poster behind Kurt's back, listing the night's specials. "I'll have a Silver Daisy, please." 

Kurt nodded and collected his voucher. 

"Have you seen Danny around?" Elliott asked, his eyes searching to the back of the back of the bar. 

"He should be out there somewhere collecting empties," Kurt said, looking up from the citrus press. "I'm sure he'll swing around in a minute." 

"Good," Elliott said, shifting around on his bar stool with a pleasant smile. "Then I'll keep you company until then. How's your night so far?" 

"Rewarding," Kurt replied, grinning and nodding at the tip jar. Despite the complimentary drink the patrons received on their entry ticket, they were making a lot of revenue tonight - and a lot of tips. 

"Yeah, Danny said New Year's Eve is always like that," Elliott said, a soft smile on his lips as he thought about him. 

Sebastian smiled at his friend. "So...you and Danny huh?" 

"Yeah," Elliott replied. "So far so good. We've been on a few dates…" He paused. "Well, when I say 'dates'...it's mostly been me coming here to hang out with him in his breaks. You know...in public, and everything." 

He rubbed the cuticles of his thumbs with his fingers, a nervous habit Sebastian had seen him practice in group as well. "He's been really sweet about it," Elliott continued, and sat up straight. "My resolution for 2016 is to take him on an _actual_ date, like the cinema or dinner or something. Fortune favours the brave, right?" 

Sebastian nodded. "Definitely...I'm really happy for you, Elliott. And, for what it's worth, Danny really is a great guy and will never force you into a situation you're uncomfortable with." 

Elliott smiled. "So you said. Your opinion of him as a... _friend_ -" he glanced at Kurt, who had ducked under the counter to retrieve a bottle from the fridge under the sink, "...was what made me talk to him, actually. And I made sure _he_ knows that too, so if you ever need him to bail you out of a shift, Danny knows he owes you one." Elliott winked. 

"Here you go," Kurt announced, placing his drink in front of Elliott. He wiped his hands on his apron. "Ah, there's the man of the hour!" He nodded at Danny, coming up to the bar. 

"Man of several hours, sometimes," Danny replied, grinning, heaving the crate with empties over the bar for Kurt to take so he could greet Elliott. "Hello gorgeous, I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long?" He snaked an arm around Elliott's waist and kissed his cheek. "You look amazing." 

Kurt couldn't help but notice that the smile Elliott gave Danny was quite different from the one he'd had for them. As it should be, he mused. He recognised a bit of his Starchild persona shining through. 

"You don't look half bad yourself," Elliott replied, stepping away to observe Danny and cocking his head. "I told you a bit of stubble would suit you." 

"Yeah? You don't think it looks like I'm compensating?" Danny asked, running his hand over his shaved scalp. 

"No. It's kind of sexy," Elliott said, his eyes glittering. "Like the rest of you." 

"I'm gonna take a break," Danny announced, keeping his eyes on Elliott. 

"Mm-mm," Kurt agreed. "Keep track of time, though. We need you to help set up the champagne tower before midnight." 

Kurt watched them go. Danny was making sure people stepped out of Elliott's way, all the while talking to him. Elliott was laughing freely. Kurt looked at Sebastian. "I've never seen Danny like this," he commented. 

Sebastian smiled softly, his gaze following his friends as they walked away. "Me neither. I always kind of suspected that he had this side to him...it it's nice to know I was right. They could both do a lot worse." 

He looked back at Kurt. "That's everyone paired up now. No more single bartenders at Satire." 

"Well, they do say bars are a good place to meet someone," Kurt joked. "Not sure they meant the staff, but...whatever works."


	47. Happy New Year, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The New Year's Party at Satire, continued.

"Garçon, service!" Sam said, slamming his hand on the bar jovially. Georgio was by his side. "I think a round of Jäger bombs are in order, and you two have to join in!"

Kurt scrunched up his nose. Jägermeister. But the customer was always right.

"Coming up," he said, setting up five pub glasses and pouring four shots while Sebastian took out the cans of red bull. Kurt waited for Sebastian to pour the cans, then carefully balanced the shot glasses on the rim.

"Alright boys," he said, "let's get this party started!"

He knocked the first shot from the brim of the empty glass, toppling it into the first red bull. It knocked over the others until all four shots had sank into their respective drinks. Kurt did a little internal cheer that the little bar trick worked. His record was about 60-40.

"To the new year, boys," Georgio said, holding his glass up.

"To the new year!" They chorused and chinked the glasses together before downing them in sync.

Sebastian screwed his face up at the taste and shook his head. "Wow." He gasped.

"Mmm-mm," Kurt agreed, his lips pressed into a tight smile.

"Wooo!" Sam let out enthusiastically. "Let's do another!"

"Ah, why don't you hang back for a bit and wait for our midnight special? It's got a kick in it, and I wouldn't want you two to have to pass up on it. We'll be setting them up when Danny gets back from his break," Kurt advised them, feeling a bit sorry for Joe, but he was probably making enough revenue tonight anyway, and Kurt really didn't want to drink any more of the syrupy shots.

"Thanks, Kurt," Georgio said. "Sam can hold his liquor but I should watch it a little."

Sam snorted, and Kurt wondered if it might not be the other way around and Georgio was just trying to be gentle about it.

-

Tristan came to pick up a large order of shots for the 'fashion booth', and Kurt used the opportunity to catch up with him a little. He looked amazing - not that he hadn’t before, but he no longer had bags under his eyes and that drawn look of stress and constant pressure from his boss. Tristan complained a little that Gabe had made him quit smoking (Paul had immediately bonded with them on this subject) but he didn’t seem _too_ put out. Kurt wished he could take a real break to hang out with him, but they had too much to do. He promised Tristan they’d come and visit him in San Francisco soon.

Danny came back just after eleven and they started the preparations for the midnight countdown.

The bar would be closed for forty-five minutes between 23:45 and 00:30, to give the staff time to celebrate a little with their loved ones. During that time drinks would be set up on the displays for patrons to help themselves.

"Right, Seb, if you help me carry in the crates of champagne, Kurt and Danny can start building the towers."

"Sure thing dad," Sebastian said, throwing his dishcloth down into the sink and following Marc out the back.

Danny was still looking a little flushed when he joined Kurt, and it was so unlike his usual smooth self that Kurt couldn't help but grin.

"Good break?" he asked innocently, opening a box of glasses and starting on the base.

"Yeah," Danny said sheepishly, staring towards the crowd on dance floor, where Elliott was dancing on his own.

"Are you gonna help me?" Kurt suggested.

Danny cleared his throat. "Yes. Yes, sorry. You know how it is…"

"I do." He smiled fondly.

"Who would have thought, huh? After last year? But when you showed up in your shirt I knew Seb was a done deal."

Kurt paused. "What do you mean?"

Danny shrugged. "Well, he showed up for work the next day and told me our raincheck was off..."

"Your...?" Kurt blinked and suddenly connected the dots. Sebastian and Danny had been leaving the bar together when he showed up...Vaguely, Kurt remembered Sebastian apologising to Danny after deciding to take Kurt home. Kurt had never really given it much thought until now. He had been planning to take _Danny_ home?

Danny stared at him, suddenly looking mortified. "Shit," he muttered. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew and were just really cool about it."

 _I've heard that before on New Year's Eve,_ shot through Kurt's head.

Danny saw the look of dawning comprehension pass over Kurt's face and squirmed. "I hope this won't make you uncomfortable about us working together. I promise you, as soon as Sebastian told me he didn't want to hook up anymore, I stayed away. I would never want to come between you two, I swear."

Kurt nodded and watched Sebastian walk back in with Marc, pushing a large trolley between them that was loaded with boxes.

Sebastian looked up at them. "You guys not done yet?" he joked.

Danny opened his mouth and closed it again. "Dude, I'm really sorry!" he spluttered. "I thought he knew!"

Sebastian felt a chill run down his spine as he glanced between Kurt and Danny.

_Oh._

Kurt looked at the two of them, and smiled. "You and Danny, huh?" he teased.

Once upon a time, the thought would have made Kurt feel very insecure. He was nothing like Danny. Danny _passed_. If _he_ was Sebastian's type, how could Kurt ever stand a chance? But now, Kurt thought about what Sebastian had said at Christmas.

_I don't remember anyone before you._

Sebastian was _his_ , and Kurt was pretty sure Danny was head over heels for Elliott. He believed Danny when he said nothing had happened since last year, and he trusted him that nothing would in the future. There was nothing to be jealous of.

Sebastian bit his lip sheepishly and walked over to help Kurt build the tower.

"It was never anything _more_ ," he explained. "Neither of us was harbouring secret love or anything. It was just an arrangement we had, that if neither of us picked anyone up after a shift...we'd pick up each other..." 

He looked at Kurt with wide eyes. "I'm sorry I never told you. I guess, despite everything I used to say about casual sex, I felt embarrassed about it. But, as soon as I knew you and Blaine were over, I stopped everything...I wanted to be someone worthy of you."

"It's okay," Kurt assured him. "I always knew I was bound to run into an ex of yours at some point here..." He pulled up a corner of his mouth into a smile. "And like you said about Elliott, you could have done a lot worse. I _have_ done a lot worse." He winked.

Sebastian bumped his hip against Kurt's and smiled. "You're pretty awesome, you know that, right?"

"I do," Kurt said airly, pecking his cheek. "But feel free to tell me a few more times this side of midnight, I haven't quite reached my quotum for this year yet."

Danny and Sebastian. Kurt was glad he was finally able to replace the horrible picture of Whittle's mugshot with a more pleasant one in his head. He could easily accept Danny as a part of Sebastian's past. If he was honest to himself, it might even be a little hot. Still, he was glad Sebastian was all his now.

Danny seemed to be trying to read his mind. "Are we good, Kurt?" he asked hesitantly.

"We're good," Kurt confirmed. "But you can't have him back. Finder's keeper's."

Danny grinned. "I can live with that...I have my own catch." His gaze travelled to Elliott who was dancing just a little way away from the bar. As if he could feel Danny's eyes on him, Elliott looked around. Their eyes met and Elliott flashed him a wicked grin and winked.

"Yep," Danny said, not taking his eyes off Elliott. "I'm good, too."

Feeling warmth spread in his chest at the sight of them, Kurt turned back to his job. He was glad Elliott had found someone who obviously adored him, and seemed patient with his boundaries. Joe had already talked about booking Elliott to sing at the club more often, and Kurt could already imagine the sparks flying when Starchild heated up the room for his bartender boyfriend. With Kurt and Sebastian's performances on halt, they could be the new Satire power couple. It worked.

Champagne tower one was set up, and they moved to number two. Marc and Danny went behind them and started adding splashes of creme de menthe and angostura bitters to each glass in the tower.

Every now and then, Kurt snuck a glance at his boyfriend and felt his heart flutter. He was good too - Sebastian was _his_. Nothing before _them_ mattered.

Sebastian placed the last glass on top and smiled at their handiwork. It was all ready to go. He waved at Joe, who nodded and headed for the DJ stand to get a microphone.

"Alright guys. It's fifteen minutes till midnight. The bar is temporarily closed," Joe announced. The crowd rang with good-natured _boos_ and Joe laughed. "Now now, I didn't say that we won't take care of you. If you'd all cast your eyes towards the bar, our _fabulous_ staff have a bit of a show for you." 

There was an excited cheer and every eye turned towards the four men.

Sebastian and Marc grinned at one another, each holding a large bottle of champagne. They released the corks in sync with each other and carefully tipped them over the top of the glass towers, letting the sparkling pale liquid trickle down and fill each glass, mixing with the liquor.

Danny was opening more bottles so they could keep the pouring going until each glass in the tower was filled.

Kurt took a few snaps with his phone. Sebastian looked so professional doing that, it was giving Kurt butterflies like the first time he had watched him mix a drink. From the corner of his eye, he saw Paul walk up and do the same.

Kurt put his phone away and walked up to him.

"We _are_ the lucky ones, aren't we?" Paul mused.

"Yes, we are," Kurt agreed.

Joe spoke through the mic again.  "Please help yourselves to a glass of bubbly but be mindful and only take one per person. The bar will re-open at half past twelve."

Sebastian relaxed as the microphone switched off and he turned to smile at Marc. "Party time."

"Indeed," Marc said with a grin. They each grabbed two glasses and made their way over to Paul and Kurt.

Sebastian handed Kurt a glass. "Cheers," he said to the three of them.

"Cheers! To Marc's tenth consecutive year of trying to quit smoking," Paul teased. "May he last longer than a week this time."

Marc narrowed his eyes. "Somebody tell me why I put up with this old man."

"Because you love me," Paul replied.

Marc let out a long-suffering sigh.

Kurt grinned and looked at Sebastian. He _really_ wanted this to be them; together, in love, for better and for worse.

Sebastian stared back at Kurt and grinned. When he looked at his boyfriend now, he didn't just see the present - He saw years and years of possibilities, of planning and doing, their whole lives stretched out before them with nothing and no one standing in their way. Blaine was gone, Chad was gone. It was just him and Kurt against the world...and they'd always win.

"Let's dance," he said, draining his glass and offering Kurt his hand.

"Sure," Kurt agreed, setting his own glass down and taking Sebastian's hand.

Everyone greeted them on the way to the dance floor. It made Kurt feel like they were famous. Their patrons hadn't forgotten them, even though he and Sebastian hadn't performed on the bar since the summer.

For a moment, anxiety rose in his throat as people pushed in on them, but he relaxed as they just wanted to toast with them or shake their hand. More than a few commented on seeing them together as a couple, congratulating them. It felt a bit weird, given that they'd been together for months already, but they had kept their private life and work separate for a long time. _Not tonight_ , Kurt thought happily, and he kissed Sebastian's cheek.

"I want to start the new year being kissed by you," he whispered in his ear.

Sebastian grinned as he pulled Kurt close, letting the rhythm of the music flow through him as they began to move. "I think I can do that," he said in a sultry voice.

He smoothed his hands down Kurt's back, coming to rest on his hips.

Kurt felt his heart flutter at the promise Sebastian's eyes held. The new year couldn't start soon enough.

A lot of couples on the dance floor seemed to have the same idea, and to oblige them, the dj started a slow, romantic song as the clock started to count down into the last minutes.

_When your legs don't work like they used to before, and I can't sweep you off of your feet;_

_Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?_

_Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?_

Kurt stepped into Sebastian's arms and rested his temple against Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian smiled and held Kurt tightly as they swayed to the music.

_Darling I will be loving you till we're seventy…_

Sebastian looked over the top of Kurt's head and saw Marc and Paul dancing together nearby. Seventy was a lot closer for them than it was for him and Kurt, and yet he felt confident that they'd make it that far, too.

_People fall in love in mysterious ways...maybe just the touch of a hand;_

_Me, I fall in love with you every single day - and I just want to tell you I am..._

It was odd to him now to think that there was a time when he believed he'd never want to find love. So much of who he was now derived from the love he felt for Kurt. He fell in love with Kurt more and more each day; he needed Kurt like he needed air to breathe.

_So honey now - take me into your loving arms...kiss me under the light of a thousand stars-_

Sebastian closed his eyes and thought about their night in the pillow fort. Kurt and Sebastian's Victory. _The stars are never wrong._ They'd make it - they would make sure of that. He knew Kurt would never leave him, no matter how hard Sebastian pushed - he'd fight for their relationship with the stubbornness of a Hummel...and so would Sebastian.

_I know you will still love me the same - 'cause honey your soul can never grow old, it's evergreen;_

_Baby your smile's forever in my mind and memory…_

His eyes still closed, Sebastian listened to the lyrics of the song and thought of  Kurt's many beautiful smiles. The first time he had seen Kurt laugh freely, when Sebastian had picked a dirty-sounding cocktail for him. The sparkle in Kurt's eyes after Sebastian found out he spoke French. The way he beamed from ear to ear after their ride on the roller coaster at Coney Island. His proud smile the first time he caught a bottle in mid-air, and when he bowed off on stage after Wonka. That sleepy smile in the morning after the first time they had made love. The tender smile in his voice when he sang to Bonnie in Canada or to Poppy and Lola at Marc and Paul's apartment. His shy smile as Sebastian unwrapped his Christmas presents. His breathless smile at the ice rink.

It was dazzling.

Sebastian opened his eyes wide, an idea forming in his head.

_I'll just keep on making the same mistakes; hoping that you'll understand_

_But baby now - take me into your loving arms…_

"Kurt?" he asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

Sebastian pulled away a little, and Kurt lifted his head from Sebastian's shoulder, opening his eyes to look at him.

Sebastian took a deep breath and said, "you know that thing you asked me the other day?"

Kurt blinked. For a moment, he was confused. Then, his eyes grew wide. "Yes?"

Around them, the song faded out and the countdown to the new year started.

"Ask me again?" Sebastian prompted nervously.

Kurt's heart skipped a beat. He took a deep breath.

"Sebastian," Kurt said, looking into his boyfriend's eyes. "Will you marry me?"

"3...2...1…"

Sebastian grinned, his whole body filling with so much happiness it felt like he could fly.

"Yes."

Kurt's whole body flooded with joy and he surged forward to hug Sebastian tightly. Everyone around them clamoured and cheered and, for a moment, Kurt felt confused. How did they _know?_ Then, he realised the world had, in fact, _not_ stopped turning while Sebastian made him the happiest man alive - and it was the new year. Kurt laughed loudly.

 _Auld Lang Syne_ started playing and people pushed past to clasp hands and sing along. Kurt tightened his hands on Sebastian, not wanting to be torn away by the moving throngs. Kurt did not want to let Sebastian go, not for a minute or for a lifetime.

"I think we just missed our cue to start the new year kissing!" he shouted over the singing.

Sebastian grinned and pressed forward to kiss Kurt again. Maybe they hadn't rung in the New Year kissing...but what they had done was even better. He cupped the back of Kurt's neck with one hand and slid his other hand down Kurt's back, sliding it into the back pocket of his jeans.

"I love you," he said into the kiss. "Fiancé."

Kurt's first and second engagement could not be more dissimilar if one had taken place on the moon. After saying yes to Blaine, Kurt had felt like crying, in a strange mix of emotions ranging from excitement to embarrassment, hope, disappointment and guilt. Now, all he felt was an overwhelming sense of completion, like coming home after a long journey. _Fiancé._

"I love the way that sounds," Kurt replied honestly, feeling confident with that title for the first time in his life. "I love you, too."

They kissed again, and for a long time, despite a faster paced song starting up and everyone around them dancing. At some point, Marc came up to them, dragging Paul along by his hand, and tapped Sebastian on the shoulder. "Happy new year, boys!" he shouted. "Are you going for a record?"

They broke apart, slightly breathless and grinned at each other. "No," Sebastian said, looking at his dads. "We're celebrating...Kurt just asked me to marry him, and I said yes!"

"Ahhh, that's amazing!" Marc shouted happily, beaming at them and pulling them both into a hug. Sebastian almost toppled over and Marc pulled away laughing.

Paul looked between the two of them, visibly moved. "Well done," he offered, "I'm - this is wonderful!"

He stepped forward and pulled Sebastian into a hug. Sebastian dropped Kurt's hand so he could respond and hugged Paul back tightly.

"I'm so happy for you, Seb," Paul said, his mouth close to Sebastian's ear.

"Thanks dad," Sebastian said quietly.

"We have to tell Joe!" Marc said happily. "Maybe he'll buy us all a round."

Kurt laughed. "He already did - two towers of it!"

"There's always room for one more," Marc joked. "God, I wish I could have a celebratory smoke break. Couldn't you have done this before midnight?"

Kurt chuckled and shook his head.

"Can I have him back, now?" he asked Paul, taking Sebastian's hand. "We still have about ten minutes left before the bar opens again and we're not done breaking our record."

Sebastian grinned. "You know I'm all for the epic kissing marathons, babe, but don't you wanna call your dad first?" he suggested. 

Kurt shook his head. "It can wait. He already kind of knows. I told him at Christmas I was going to propose soon. And besides, he's probably busy exchanging old people kisses with Carole, anyway." He faked an exaggerated shudder and Paul frowned, offended on his generation's behalf. 

"So _that_ was what Burt's good mood at Christmas was all about!" Marc said, connecting the dots.

Sebastian was also doing the math. If Kurt already told his dad about his plans at Christmas...that meant his first proposal wasn't as spontaneous as it had seemed. He _really_ wanted this, and it hadn't just been a consolation offer. 

If it was possible to feel even happier than he already did before, he did now.

Paul and Marc watched them, Marc sliding his hand around Paul's waist.

"I think he's gonna be okay," Paul said quietly to his husband as Kurt and Sebastian kissed each other again.

"He will," Marc agreed. "There's just one thing I'm worried about…" He paused for dramatic tension.

"With two dads, which of us gets to walk him down the aisle?" He laughed heartily at his own joke and kissed Paul on the cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cocktail trick referenced in this chapter can be seen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt3nLr4bvBw  
> Link to the song : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA


	48. With Sprinkles On Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good news travels fast.

Alex looked down at the last address on his list. Eighteen cupcakes, to be delivered...to the park? He frowned and picked up his cellphone. ****  
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"Is this a legit order?" he asked his colleague Michelle, reading her back the address. ****  
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"Yeah, some kind of picnic I guess?" Michelle replied. ****  
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"In January?" Alex let out. ****  
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"Don't ask me," the girl replied, "rich folk are crazy." ****  
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"Did they pay in advance?" ****  
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"No, it says 'cash on delivery'." ****  
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"Right," Alex mumbled, and hung up. "They'd better tip is all I'm saying." ****  
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He parked his delivery truck on the sidewalk and took out the large box. A new year's picnic, what would they think of next? ****  
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He locked the truck and walked up to the entry of the park. At least this was his last order. Next year, he definitely would not take the new year's morning shift - it sucked. But every dollar he made went into his and Steph's wedding fund, and that thought consoled him a little. He wanted Steph to have the best wedding their money could buy. ****  
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Alex heard someone whistle between their teeth and looked up. "Oh, come _on_ ," he cursed, as he noticed a familiar group sitting on an array of blankets on the frosty ground. He sighed and began striding faster towards them. Brody, Kurt, Sebastian and the girls were beaming smiles at him. ****  
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"This is _not_ funny, guys," Alex called out as soon as he was within earshot. So much for a legit order. "I could get fired for this! I brought actual cupcakes!" ****  
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"I should hope so!" Brody said. ****  
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"You can't have them," Alex protested. "That's eighty bucks they'll take off my salary!" ****  
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"Eighty? Really?" Kurt asked innocently. ****  
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"Seventy-two plus delivery," Alex grumped. ****  
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"Wait, they take _delivery_ off your salary too if _you're_ the delivery boy?" Sebastian teased. Then he relented. "Relax, Al. We're good for it. And since a little birdie informed us it's your last order of the day, you can come and have one with us. Or two. Or three." ****  
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Alex let out a breath through puffed cheeks. "Uh...now? Here? Because I'm illegally parked." ****  
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"Just give us the box, return the truck to work, come back here and you get first pick," Steph promised. "I made Sebastian order Red Velvet." ****  
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Alex stared at them. "You're really paying?" he asked Sebastian incredulously. "Did you rob a bank or something?" ****  
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Sebastian shrugged casually. "We got some good tips at the bar last night." He took out his wallet and handed him the money, plus a tip. ****  
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Slowly, Alex broke out into a grin. "Alright!" He pocketed the money and handed Steph the box. He bent down to kiss her cheek and whispered, "what's this about?" ****  
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"I don't know," she whispered back. "Seb and Kurt called and told us to meet them here." ****  
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"Hmm." Only half-satisfied with her answer, Alex let out a sigh, kissed her again and stood up. "I'll be right back, then," he said. ****  
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Sebastian and Kurt looked at each other and shared a grin. Winding Alex up was one of their favourite things. ****  
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The group sat and chatted amicably until Alex came back. ****  
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"I don't think I've ever seen him move so fast!" Kurt commented as he watched Alex sprint back towards them. ****  
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"If there's food involved he's worse than a pack of starving wolves," Steph said, shaking her head fondly. ****  
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Alex plonked himself down next to Steph and took his Sprinkles cap off. ****  
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"Alright, show me the cake!" ****  
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"Don't you want to know why we got it, first?" Kurt teased. ****  
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"I listen better on a full stomach," Alex replied. ****  
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"That's certainly true," Steph confirmed. ****  
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Kurt flipped his wrist in a universally understood gesture of "so be it", and Sebastian opened the box like an offering. ****  
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"Okay so one of the Red Velvets is mine," Alex announced. "What else have you got, let's see...mmm, good, yes, okay...YES! Peanutbutter Chip, dibs." He reached inside and took out two cupcakes. "Good choices, guys. Except the vegan one, that tastes like ass." ****  
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Brody glanced at Sebastian, pressing his lips together to stifle a bad joke. ****  
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Sebastian smirked and blushed a little, remembering Christmas Night. He coughed. "What we have is better than cupcakes, Alex!" he brought out, recovering as smoothly as he could. ****  
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"Then tell us already," Alice complained good-naturedly, taking the vegan cupcake. "Did you win the New Year's Lottery?" ****  
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"In a way," Kurt replied, beaming at Sebastian. "I asked Sebastian to marry me." ****  
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"And?" Alex asked with his mouth full, looking at Sebastian expectantly. ****  
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"I said _yes_ ," Sebastian replied fondly. He was still not over the butterflies it gave him every time he thought of it. ****  
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" _Of course_ he said yes!" Steph protested, nudging Alex. ****  
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Alex shrugged. "What? It's not such a dumb question." ****  
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Sebastian caught Alice's eye. She offered him a small personal smile.  "No, it isn't," Sebastian agreed.

Alex, still chewing, pointed at him while glaring at Steph as if to say 'see?'. ****  
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"That's so awesome, you guys!" Steph said, bouncing a little and beaming at them. ****  
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Kurt and Sebastian both grinned back. ****  
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"So how did he do it?" Alice asked. Going by Sebastian's smile and the fact that he'd said _yes_ , she was assuming Kurt's second proposal hadn't followed another fight.  ****  
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"Well, actually...we kinda asked each other," Sebastian said. "Just before midnight." ****  
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He looked at Kurt and took his hand. ****  
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"Oh my god, that's so romantic!" Steph let out. "Though not as romantic as Niagara Falls, of course," she added playfully. ****  
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"Yeah, you basically asked him _at work_ ," Alex teased, licking crumbs off his fingertips. ****  
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Kurt laughed. "Satire doesn't feel much like work," he said. "But you _are_ right, Alex. We didn't want to steal your thunder." ****  
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"Yeah, to outshine the falls you would have had to propose on top of the Eiffel Tower or something!" ****  
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"I'm sure we'll get there too some day," Kurt said, glancing at Sebastian. ****  
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Sebastian felt his heart flutter. _Paris._ Maybe for their honeymoon...if he didn't chicken out. He wanted nothing more than to take Kurt there,  but he was terrified of going back to the city where he'd grown up and seeing everything he'd lost. ****  
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"Maybe, one day..." he said softly. ****  
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Kurt noticed the slight change in Sebastian's posture and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "There's no rush," he whispered, so only Sebastian could hear. "We've got the rest of our lives to go." ****  
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Sebastian smiled a little at Kurt and kissed him. "I know," he whispered. ****  
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"So, have you picked a date yet?" Steph asked eagerly. ****  
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"Ooh, maybe Valentines' Day?" Alice suggested. ****  
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Sebastian looked up at Alice's words and shook his head. "Way too soon! It takes _time_ to plan a wedding..." He paused. "Besides, I wanna wait for the trial to be over with first." ****  
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Sebastian's words subdued the others a little.  ****  
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"Anything new on that?" Brody asked carefully. ****  
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Kurt shook his head. Even though they hadn't talked about it yet, it was clear to the both of them they needed to get the trial over with before they could completely relax and rejoice. Not yet having any further details on how it would continue was uncomfortable, like something was brewing - but the joy of their engagement helped. ****  
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"Well, I certainly won't mind another visit to the wedding cake shop with you, Kurt," Steph said, hoping to lighten the mood.  ****  
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"No way, it's my turn next!" Alex protested. "You already picked _our_ cake! Kurt, can I go? Pretty please?" ****  
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"Pretty please with sprinkles on top?" Kurt teased, nodding at the logo on Alex's shirt. ****  
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Brody chuckled and put an arm around Alice. "So where does this put us, hmm? We're the only non-betrothed couple now…" ****  
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Alice grinned and shrugged. "I'm happy with being the bridesmaid for now...I don't need a ring on my finger to know you love me." ****  
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Brody smiled at her and nodded, though as she looked away from him, Sebastian could see that Brody's eyes dimmed a little. ****  
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_Hmm,_ he thought to himself, and made a mental note to talk to him about it when the opportunity offered itself. ****  
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"So...speaking of rings...you're not wearing one?" Alex asked. ****  
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Sebastian smiled. "No...I'm not." ****  
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"Why? I mean, I don't know how it is with two guys, but I always figured who ever does the asking is the one who puts a ring on it? Didn't Kurt wear one when he was engaged to Blaine?" ****  
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Kurt scrunched up his nose a little. "In retrospect, that always felt a bit one-sided," he admitted. "Like I had to wear one to show I was taken - and Blaine was _free_." He looked at Steph and Alex. "I know that's not how it is for _you_ guys. But to me, it felt like either the both of us should wear one, or we just wait until the wedding." ****  
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Sebastian nodded. "I agree. I look forward to picking our wedding rings, but I don't need one on now, only to get another almost identical one when we're married?" He looked at Kurt, who nodded. ****  
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"And anyway, Kurt got me this for Christmas." Sebastian held up his left hand to show them the bracelet, and clipped it open to show them Kurt's initials on the inside of the clasp. "K.H.," he read out proudly.  "That's good enough for me." He snapped the bracelet securely around his wrist again. ****  
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"For Christmas?" Alex asked. "And a proposal at New Year's Eve? Nice. Testing the waters first, eh Kurt?" ****  
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Kurt blushed. "A little, yes. I wasn't completely sure he would want to wear it..." He smiled. "But he did." ****  
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"Maybe I should get you a matching one, though," Sebastian suggested. "With _my_ initials. Would you wear it?" ****  
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"Yes, I would," Kurt said immediately, with no reservations about having it match his outfits or other accessoires. ****  
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"Hmm mppf woo do!" Alex said. ****  
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Kurt raised a curved eyebrow. ****  
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Alex quickly chewed and swallowed. "Sorry, peanut butter," he mumbled, and cleared his throat. "I said: his initials are gonna change, though. When you get married, I mean." He nodded at Sebastian. "You said you were gonna be a Hummel, right?" ****  
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Kurt paused and looked at Sebastian for a moment, then back at Alex. "What?" he asked. "When did he say that?" ****  
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Kurt hadn't given it much thought yet - Blaine had never asked; he had just slipped a ring on Kurt's finger and started calling themselves 'the Andersons'. Kurt wondered if he had subconsciously assumed he'd be _Kurt Smythe_. Maybe they'd hyphenate? ****  
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Alex shrugged. "Couple of weeks before I proposed to Steph," he said. "You know, we were talking about how-" He broke off when he saw Kurt had stopped listening. ****  
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"You want to take my name?" Kurt asked quietly, unable to mask all the emotions he felt. Sebastian had known this _more than seven months ago?_ ****  
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Their whole group had gone quiet, and Sebastian felt his cheeks burn. "Yes? If...that's okay with you?" He hurriedly began to explain. "My family name means nothing to me, and I just want-" ****  
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"Yes," Kurt said, cutting him off. "Yes, that's okay with me. _Oh my god, Bas, I love you so much."_ Kurt switched languages mid-sentence and wrapped his arms around his fiancé, squeezing him tightly. Tears were stinging his eyes. He couldn't even explain to himself why this made him so incredibly happy. ****  
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"Aw, you two are just adorable," Alice let out, resisting the urge to join their hug. "I'm so happy for you!" She quickly raised her phone and took a picture of them. ****  
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Sebastian smiled, his eyes crinkling and a warm bubble of happiness rising inside him. He kissed the side of Kurt's face and pressed back into the hug for as long as Kurt needed to reign his emotions back in again. "Thank you, we're happy for us too." ****  
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Finally, Kurt let go. ****  
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_"Are you okay?"_ Sebastian whispered. ****  
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Kurt nodded. "I need a cupcake," he announced, his voice still a little rough. Alice held out the box for him. ****  
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"I'm still on board with _your_ planning too, of course," he promised Steph as he peeled at the wrapper of his cupcake, hoping to distract from himself. "I can multitask. And I promise not to steal any of your ideas!" ****  
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Steph grinned. "That's okay. I'm pretty sure none of us will end up wearing the same dress." ****  
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Sebastian laughed and reached for his own cupcake. "I dunno, Kurt's Vogue friends have rubbed off on me. Maybe I'll shock you all and turn up in a full-on ball gown." ****  
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Everyone laughed and Kurt shook his head.  ****  
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"You have _no_ idea how refreshing it is that none of you automatically assume this joke's on me," he admitted, thinking of Sue Sylvester and his old Glee club, and paused before adding: "While we _all_ know Sebastian has the better legs to pull that look off." ****  
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"Ha!" Alex let out. "Challenge accepted. Maybe _I'll_ win this contest. My legs are awesome." ****  
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"So is the rest of you," Steph said. "Though you may need to borrow my ladyshave…" ****  
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"He should get a wax," Alice chimed in. _"Much_ softer. I'll text you the brand Brody uses." ****  
** **

"This just keeps getting better!" Sebastian said. "And my legs are _fabulous,_ Alex. Good luck beating these." He lifted one of his legs up and kicked it into the air. ****  
** **

"I can see a stag night theme developing here," Kurt said, his eyes glittering.  ****  
** **

"Wooh! Yeah! Two stag nights!" Alex said, suddenly realising that there were now two weddings to plan for. "Or _three_? Does each of you get their own? And does the other get to go? I'm confused." ****  
** **

Kurt chuckled. "Maybe we'll have a combined one to save up for the wedding," he said. "We're already 80 bucks down in our funds, after all." He winked at Alex. ****  
** **

Sebastian smirked and put on a spoilt voice. "Baby, I have daddy's credit card. The cost is covered."  ****  
** **

"Mmm..." Kurt hummed. "I'm marrying _up_ in the world..." He batted his eyes at Sebastian.  ** **  
****

Sebastian screwed up his empty paper wrapper and threw it at Kurt playfully. "And don't you ever forget it." ****  
** **

Kurt caught it in one hand and blew him a kiss.  ****  
** **

"Oh my god, you guys," Alice let out. "I just realised...Brody could actually marry you!" She looked at him with wide eyes. ****  
** **

Brody pulled up the corner of his mouth in a lopsided smile. "Uh, yeah, technically I could," he admitted. "I got ordained online a couple of weeks back. Just for fun, you know? I thought I could maybe offer it for the couples that come to learn how to dance, make a few bucks…" He suddenly looked unusually shy. "I haven't done it before, though." ****  
** **

"Neither have we," Kurt said. He laced his fingers with Sebastian. "What do you think?" ****  
** **

"I think that would be perfect," Sebastian said. ****  
** **

Brody looked visibly moved. "Thank you! I won't let you down," he promised. "And you won't have to pay a thing!" ****  
** **

Kurt sighed happily. "And you ladies? 'Grooms' maids? Mercedes will be there, too." ****  
** **

Alice and Steph grinned at each other and bounced up and down excitedly. ****  
** **

Then Kurt nudged his head towards Alex, reminding Sebastian that he still had something to ask. ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded and lost the playful smirk he'd been wearing. ****  
** **

"Alex, will you be my best man?" ****  
** **

"I already am, dude," Alex said, though he, too, looked a little emotional. He quickly bit into another cupcake. ****  
** **

For a moment, all of them just enjoyed their food in silence - and then, a cell phone chimed. All of them reached for their devices. ****  
** **

"I think it's you," Kurt said, looking at Sebastian. ****  
** **

Sebastian pulled out his phone. His heart skipped a beat. One missed call. ****  
** **

"It's Agent Flores." He looked up at Kurt. "She left a voicemail."


	49. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't escape your past.

"And how old were you on the night in question?"

Sebastian swallowed. "I was sixteen."

He could see members of the jury shuffle uncomfortably in their seats. A hushed whisper went through the gallery. Some were looking away, but most of them were staring at him. With their eyes bearing down at him, Sebastian felt very much like a goldfish in a bowl. Or worse: like the _accused_.

"Sixteen, I see. And you were aware that this was, in fact, an establishment for adults?"

"Um...Yes."

"I see. So at sixteen years old, you were able to gain access to an adult bar? How did you accomplish this? I would think that even in Lima, Ohio, they'd have security?"

Sebastian sighed. "I had a fake ID," he said quietly.

Discussion in the gallery was louder this time. It sounded like a swarm of angry bees. Sebastian shivered.

"Please repeat that?" The defence attorney asked.

"I used an ID that was _fake_. A fake ID," Sebastian said, a little snappy.

"Do not use that tone, Mr Smythe." 

Sebastian bit his lip. 

"How did you come by this _falsified means of identification?_ "

"I...got it from the internet," Sebastian admitted.

"And you bought it to enable you to go into an adult space, buy alcohol...buy drugs?"

"I wasn't going to buy drugs!"

"Then what about the Rohypnol you took? The dating drug?"

"I…I didn't _take_ it. I mean, I took it, but not on purpose. I didn't even know. My drink was spiked!" Sebastian cried.

"So you _say_ -" One look at the judge made the defence withdraw their insinuation, but they quickly changed tactics. "But you did go inside that bar to buy alcohol and meet older men - and you did so by pretending to be older than you were. You were, in fact, _lying_?"

Sebastian's mouth dropped open. "Yes. I...I guess."

"Did Mr Whittle ask your age? Do not nod you head, Mr Smythe."

"Yes, he did," Sebastian said through gritted teeth, starting to feel sick. It was clear where this was going.

"And how old did you tell him you were?"

"…Eighteen." 

"So, more lies. Do you think he believed you? ['Objection!'] Withdrawn. So after you _lied_ about your age to the bouncer and again, to Mr Whittle-"

Sebastian closed his eyes. It went on and on, question after question, each of them designed to wear him down and bring him to his knees.

 

_"Were you attracted to him?"_

 

_"How often did you meet with him?"_

 

_"Did you ever send Mr Whittle provocative texts or pictures? Did you promise to have sex with him if he'd buy you alcohol?"_

 

_"Did you come to the bar that night with the purpose of having sex?"_

 

_"How much did you drink?"_

 

Sebastian could feel Whittle's eyes on him. Whittle grinned and winked at him in the way that, once upon a time, had made Sebastian swoon.  It had taken Sebastian only a split second to remember that feeling, even though it now made him sick. He felt bile rise in his throat.

Whittle took the stand.

As much as Sebastian wanted to look away, he found that he couldn't.

 

_"I thought he was into it. We were dancing...he was getting pretty close to me. Flirting. Teasing-"_

 

_"I asked him if he wanted to come to the back with me. He said yes."_

 

_"He said he'd done it before, what was I supposed to think?"_

 

_"I didn't know someone was filming us-"_

 

_"It was just a game!"_

 

It felt like it lasted forever - while at the same time, things went faster than Sebastian's brain could keep up with. Suddenly, the jury was filing back into their seats. Sebastian shivered. The gallery was completely silent.

"Has the jury reached a decision?"

"We have, your honour." 

Sebastian sucked in a breath. 

"In the case of Sebastian Smythe versus Charles Whittle, we the jury, find Charles Whittle not guilty-"

Charles Whittle looked him straight in the eye, winked, and blew him a kiss.

 _Not guilty. Not guilty._ The words echoed in Sebastian's mind, growing louder and louder, and under the knowing leer of his abuser, Sebastian tried to scream, but no sound was coming out of his mouth. He couldn't breathe. The courtroom was empty - it was just him and Whittle now, and he was getting closer.

_Hey, Killer. Long time, no see…_

 

-

 

"Sebastian! Sebastian! Wake up! Wake up, Bas. It's me. It's Kurt."

Finally, sound was coming. Sebastian screamed, his body thrashing against the hands that were holding him. _No, not again-_

"Shhh, it's okay. Bas, you're home. It's okay, you won. We won. _Kurt and Sebastian's Victory_ , remember? C'mon baby, please wake up…"

Sebastian gasped for breath, and tore his eyes open. He blinked rapidly as he tried to take in his environment. He was breathing too fast to take in oxygen and his body was shaking. 

"Bas," Kurt repeated, his heart beating wildly in his chest. "Listen to me. You're awake. Whatever happened, it wasn't real. Look at me. Look at me, Bas, focus. I'm here."

Sebastian followed the sound of Kurt's voice and finally found him. He fixed his eyes on him. Things finally slotted into place and he felt his panic subside. 

"Kurt?" he whispered, his voice ragged - how long had he been screaming?

"Yes baby, it's me," Kurt reassured him, trying to untangle his fiancé from the bedsheets. "It's me, you're okay."

Sebastian closed his eyes and sank into Kurt's embrace, letting out a relieved sob. "It was a dream…" he muttered into Kurt's shirt. "Just a dream."

Kurt held Sebastian close and started rocking him slowly. He closed his eyes too. "Yes, just a dream," he confirmed. 

He could feel Sebastian let out a shaky breath, catching on a sob. "Shh baby, it's okay," he soothed. "You're okay, just breathe."

Sebastian sobbed again and tried to follow Kurt's instructions.

"That's it, in and out, " Kurt praised him softly. 

Sebastian sighed weakly, feeling his head spin. He sucked in a breath, trying to match his breathing to Kurt's, who was letting his out audibly in slow counts like they had practised in therapy. 

Kurt pressed a kiss to Sebastian's sweaty forehead and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back.

Eventually, he felt Sebastian relax against him.

"What was it?" Kurt's question came out in a whisper. "Scandals, or the courtroom?"

Sebastian kept his eyes closed and replied. "The courtroom, but it was all messed up - they acquitted him and he was _free_ , and he was coming for me-" He shivered. 

Kurt kissed Sebastian's head again and rubbed his hand up and down his fiance's back. "The mind...is very cruel with the tricks it plays. You know he wasn't acquitted."

Sebastian nodded.

The day before, Charles Whittle had been found guilty on all charges; contributing to the delinquency of a minor for supplying alcohol and illegal substances; rape; production and distribution of child pornography. He had been sentenced to twenty years in prison without the possibility of early release. His associates were given seven and fifteen years respectively, the reduced sentence as a deal for helping bring the others in.

Three other witnesses had testified in the case - all of them young men around Sebastian's age. Different states, same story; young, isolated, unsupervised - and ultimately disillusioned. Their testimonies had broken Kurt's heart. Two out of three had tried to take their own lives after what happened to them, and Kurt could only count himself lucky that Sebastian hadn't been able to remember anything until he had a support system around him to keep him from such a desperate act. 

Unlike in Sebastian's nightmare, Whittle's defence had not questioned Sebastian's motives or tried to shift the blame on him- between his age at the time, the other victims' testimonies and the video material, they knew they did not have a case for acquittal. All the defence lawyer did was try and insinuate a mental illness on Whittle's part, to get him to serve his sentence in a mental health facility. It was denied.

Nonetheless, Kurt and Sebastian had anticipated the return of the nightmares, and in the weeks leading up to the trial, had intensified their therapy sessions, both individually and together. It wouldn't stop the nightmares from happening, but it helped them deal with them as they came. Up until this night, stress and fatigue from their days at court had knocked Sebastian straight out, but now that it was finally over, Sebastian's body had been able to relax, and his mind had taken over, replaying his fears of the last few months. They both knew this wouldn't be the last time.

Now that he was calm, Sebastian realised something.

"You woke me up," he said.

"Of course I did," Kurt confirmed. "I promised you I would. I will never break that promise again."

Sebastian let out a loud sigh and looked up at Kurt, offering him a small smile.

"Okay?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian nodded again. 

Kurt handed him a bottle of water from the bedside table and Sebastian took it, soothing his throat.

"Why did it have to feel so damn real?" he whispered.

Kurt shrugged. "You never do anything half-cocked," he said lightly.

Sebastian snorted a little. "Yeah. I guess so."

Kurt kissed his cheek. "Now that we're both awake, we should get up. There's work to do." He offered Sebastian a small smile. "You and I have a wedding to plan."

-

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't escape your past.

...And sometimes, you can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait. Is this the end? 
> 
> In a way, we feel it is - the end of the darkness (there's been enough don't you think?). We do however, have 3 chapters left to give Kurt and Sebastian all of the light they - and you - deserve. So stay tuned!


	50. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the evening before the wedding, and Marc and Paul have something they want to discuss with Sebastian.

"That was great dad, thanks," Sebastian said setting his cutlery down on his empty plate and leaning back in his chair.

"You're welcome," Paul said with a smile. "It's your last meal at home as a single man...it had to be special."

And special it was. Marc and Paul had pulled out all the stops. Calamari for a starter, perfectly cooked fillet steak with steamed vegetables for main and a mouth watering chocolate gateaux for dessert.

"I may not fit in to my tux tomorrow...Kurt'll kill me."

"Nonsense, you'll be fine," Marc assured him. "It'll all work out when you're too nervous to have breakfast tomorrow."

"Pfft, when have you _ever_ known me to skip breakfast?" Sebastian asked.

"So, is _that_ what it was at our wedding? Nerves?" Paul teased. "I thought you were just too hungover..."

Marc shrugged. "Well, that _too_ ." He closed his eyes and groaned. "Oh Seb, I was _so_ drunk, I'm telling you; it was pure luck that I managed to get there on time!"

"Luck, and a strong dose of hair of the dog," Paul said with a fond smirk. "You should have seen him, Seb. Or _smelled_ him."

Sebastian grinned. "What happened?"

"Isabella!" Marc said bluntly. "She was my 'best man' and turned up at my hotel door with a bottle of tequila..." Marc shook his head. "Honestly..."

"Yes, and _after that,_ you moved on to the minibar." Paul grinned at his son. "I almost had a heart attack when I saw the bill! _And_ the phone bill from all the prank calls! _Really_ , it was like they were twenty again-" Paul added.

"Now _that_ I remember!" Marc said, grinning. "That was hilarious! And Paul was really pissed off..."

"I was tired! I wanted to sleep and you two kept calling me pretending to be the pizza place!"

Marc chuckled. "And yet you still married me."

"I took pity on you," Paul said in a straight voice. "You looked so fragile, I couldn't bear to break your heart...though you passed out on me as soon as we got into our room that night!"

"Isa's last revenge on you taking her husband," Marc teased. He took a deep breath and let it out, nodding to himself. "You two will have some good stories to tell later on, too," he promised Sebastian.

Sebastian grinned. He couldn't wait.

Marc got up. "Speaking of booze...Cognac?" He took out three large snifters and held them up. "Just one, to celebrate? We won't over-do it. I'm not sure Kurt will marry you if you puke on his shoes."

Sebastian nodded "Sure. One won't hurt."

"Famous last words," Paul mumbled.

Lola whined next to him and Sebastian stroked her head. "You can't have any of this baby, it's chocolate." Sebastian pushed his plate further onto the table in case Lola decided to have a lick after all.

Marc filled three glasses and handed Sebastian the first. "Shall we move into the living room?" he suggested. "Paul and I have something we'd like to talk to you about." He shot his husband a small smile.

Sebastian glanced between them and felt intrigue ignite in his brain. He followed them both into the living room and they all settled down on the corner sofa. Poppy and Lola followed suit, laying themselves at their feet.

Sebastian sipped his drink and then rested it on his leg, hand clutching it tightly.

"What's up?" he asked.

Paul took Marc's hand. "Well, uh, do you...?" he asked Marc.

"No, go ahead," he replied, smiling a little nervously.

"Okay. Alright," Paul agreed. "Sebastian. Son..." He straightened up. "Before we begin, we want you to know that no matter what, you'll always have a place to stay here with us-"

Sebastian frowned. "O-kay...?"

"Not that you'd need it, I mean, we know you and Kurt are living together and you'll be fine-" Marc added.

"Of course you will be," Paul agreed. "What we meant to say is: you're our son, and nothing will change that."

Sebastian's eyes flitted between the two of them. They both looked extremely nervous...but, also a little excited?

"I know that," he said softly. "You've proven that ten-fold over the last two and a half years." He let out a clipped sigh."What's this about?"

They looked at each other and took a breath. They had practiced what to say many times over the last few weeks. Should they ease in and slowly build up to it, should they drop the news like a bomb and hope it didn't explode? Until they had met Sebastian, they didn't think that they could feel the unconditional love of a parent. It was never something either of them had imagined for themselves - but knowing him had opened their eyes, and their hearts.

"Remember that really cold weekend we had at the end of January?" Paul asked.

Sebastian nodded. "Of course, Kurt and I got snowed in and couldn't get to school or work!" He smiled a little at the memory. They hadn't felt _too_ sorry about it.

Paul nodded. "I was stuck at the hospital and couldn't get home, and it was kind of a blessing in disguise." He glanced at his husband who smiled and nodded. "A young girl came into the ER at about two o'clock in the morning - how she'd managed to get herself to the hospital through all that snow I still don't understand, she had a broken ankle and a bruised hip!"

Sebastian winced a little, broken bones were not fun - he'd learnt that the hard way. Something Paul had said ticked over in his brain.

"Wait - she brought _herself_ to the hospital? How old was she?"

"Thirteen," Paul replied, his tone a little somber. "To start with, she refused to give us her name. She had no identification on her and wouldn't tell us anything. We had one of the hospital's child therapists come and talk to her and eventually she told us who she was."

Marc squeezed his hand and sighed a little.

"She was a foster kid and had run away from home," Paul continued.

Sebastian's mouth dropped open.

"W-was she-" he started to ask, bile rose in his throat.

"No! No, nothing like that. Our therapist didn't find reason to believe she was abused or molested," Paul reassured him. "She just...hated it. We managed to contact her foster family and it turned out the police had already been looking for her for days. Apparently it was the third time she'd run away."

"Oh god," Sebastian said quietly. "W-where are her biological parents?"

"Her mom died when she was ten and her dad had a very hard time adjusting to being a single parent. He applied for help and was going to find a new job and different housing while she stayed in foster care. Originally it was only going to be temporary, but he recently filed an appeal to put her up for adoption. That's when she first ran away." Paul shook his head. "It was a difficult situation."

Sebastian made a noise in the back of his throat. _Poor kid,_ he thought. _Her dad probably realised he didn't want to be a dad after all. Kind of like mine._

"Is she okay? Where is she now? Is she back with her foster family?"

Marc and Paul looked at each other again and then turned to look at him.

"Well, that's what we wanted to talk to you about," Paul said gently. "Her foster parents admitted that her disappearances were putting a lot of strain on their family-"

"They have three other kids," Marc added.

"The first time she ran away they found her at a friend's. They took her back in, and tried to help her. She started seeing a counsellor and they tried to accommodate her needs as best as they could. But then she ran away again and was gone overnight." Paul paused. "She turned up on her own, but they'd already contacted the police and their social workers, they had to follow correct procedure." He shook his head.

"It was a lot for them to take. So when she ran away _again_ and was gone for even longer - it was the last straw. They had set ultimatums and she had broken them. And with their other kids to take care of...they asked for their caseworker to disrupt her placement and find her a new home."

Paul let out a deep breath. His face looked stricken. "It broke my heart, Seb. The thought of her being sent away to another house or a group home was...unbearable to me. She's such a funny, clever girl - sure, she has problems, but being cast out was how it all started and sending her on to another, potentially temporary home, would only make it worse. Then I thought of _you_ , and-"

He gestured helplessly at Sebastian. His meaning was clear. They all knew what had happened after his grandparents had sent him away.

Paul cleared his throat. "I felt like I had to do _something._ I talked to Marc, and then I took him to meet her and he felt it too."

Marc nodded in agreement.

"Because of her home situation, we kept her in hospital for as long as we could - it put less strain on her foster family and gave me, gave _us_ the chance to get to know her - and for her to get to know _us,"_ Paul continued.

"She's really something, Seb," Marc said with a smile. "She has a wit that rivals Kurt's, she's funny and talented - honestly she can _draw_ , I bought her a sketch book and some pencils and she _filled_ the book in a day!" Marc and Paul shared a smile. "She's beautiful."

Sebastian felt something catch in his throat and swallowed.

"When her injuries had healed well enough for her to be released, she confessed to me that she didn't want to go. She said…" Paul broke off and had to start again, which was quite unlike his usual eloquent storytelling style. Sebastian could tell he was struggling.

"She said that she'd been shown more kindness and acceptance in the hospital than she'd had since her mom died." A tear rolled down Paul's cheek and he frowned, shaking his head a little.

"Her foster parents are good people, and I think they genuinely wanted to help her...they just weren't equipped to do so - not long term. So, Marc and I discussed it, and then we discussed it with her. She agreed and then we took it to her case worker and her foster parents and after a _long,_ drawn out process; meetings, training and lots of red tape…"

Paul sat up, straightening his back. "She will be coming to live with us. A trial period at first, but then...hopefully on a permanent basis."

Sebastian's mouth dropped open.

"She had to go back to her foster family for a while," Marc said. "They are still her legal guardians and the adoption process is rather…" he trailed off and shook his head. "But we were allowed to spend time with her and we've taken her out a couple of times, introduced her to the girls."

Sebastian looked down at the dogs and half-smiled. Lola had her head resting over Sebastian's foot, her tail wagging across the floor.

"Poppy and Lola didn't want to leave her side," Marc said. "It was love at first sight. I think _they_ already adopted her and it was that that solidified our decision."

Sebastian nodded slowly, taking all of the information in. It was a lot to process.

"What's her name?"

"Jade," Marc said smiling. "Her name is Jade."

Sebastian nodded again. "...and you've known her since _January?"_ It was now July.

Marc and Paul exchanged another look. "We wanted to tell you sooner," Marc pleaded. "But you've had so much on your plate, Seb. With the trial and therapy and wedding planning and your schoolwork on top of that, we didn't want to burden you with this - especially as we weren't even sure it would be approved."

Paul nodded. "We did this for both your sakes'.  Jade has a _lot_ of abandonment issues to work through. We thought it best to keep it within a small circle at the beginning."

"Yeah, we didn't want to wave a brother in front if her nose only for her to lose him again," Marc explained. "Though, of course, we _have_ told her about you. And now that we can offer her more than just a 'maybe', we'd like for you both to meet."

"Completely in your own time though, we don't want to rush you," Paul added quickly. "We understand this is a lot to take in. And like we said, you're our son and your happiness and wellbeing matters to us."

Sebastian sat and processed the information for a moment. The knowledge that Marc and Paul had kept him out of the loop on this for the last six months still hurt a little, but with their explanation, he understood. He was in a better state of mind to meet someone new _now,_ than he was before the trial.

Jade. Sebastian's heart went out to her. Her mother dead, her father giving up - they already had something in common. He wondered what would have happened to _him_ if his grandparents hadn't taken him in when he was a baby. Would he too have ended up as a statistic in the foster system?

He looked back at Marc and Paul. He knew without doubt they were up for the challenge. They had already proven they could be good parents - they were _great_ parents....and if Poppy and Lola had already chosen her, then it sounded like a done deal.

He smiled at them.

"It sounds amazing!" he said honestly. "I'm really happy for you! She is going to get the best parents in the world." He put his drink down and reached out to them, taking both of their hands. "I'd really like to meet her."

Marc and Paul smiled in relief. With everything that had been going on for Sebastian, they hadn't been sure what his reaction would be.

"A sister, wow…"

"It's crazy, isn't it?" Paul let out, half laughing. "At first I was like, _what am I thinking? I'm too old to be a dad!"_ He gave Marc a fond look. "But Marc reassured me I'm young enough."

"I could tell he really wanted this," Marc said, his eyes on his husband. "And the more he wanted it, the more I wanted it too." He turned back to Sebastian. "It's insane! We'll have to learn so much! I have no idea what teenage girls even like. Do we need a pink room?"

Sebastian laughed. "With thirteen? I'm not sure! But I'm sure Kurt will help you decorate." He sighed happily. "I can't wait to tell him! Or do you want to?"

Marc shook his head. "You can tell him, it's fine. You should have seen the look in Jade's eyes when I told her you two were getting married! She's already so happy for you and she hasn't even met you yet! She said she wanted to get you a present."

"That's adorable," Sebastian said. "Tell her we'll bring her something from Paris...maybe some drawing material - you said she's an artist?"

Paul nodded. "Yes. She's so talented! I have one of her pictures up in my office - right next to the copy of your article."

Sebastian smiled. He was already thinking about the little art shop that he and his friends used to go to, tucked away from the tourist spots. What was its name again? Kurt would love it too. And Jade!  Somehow he was already sure that she and Kurt would get along.

Paul sighed happily, letting all tension release from his shoulders. "Okay," he said, nodding. Time for the next bit. "Marc?" He could feel his heart flutter and a new, different set of nerves rose up inside him.

"Yeah, so...There's more," Marc announced. "While we were gathering all this information about Jade's adoption, we also heard about this formality...concerning the adoption of _adults_."

He offered Sebastian a smile that was unusually shy. "Apparently, all it takes is the adult's consent, a few signatures..." He trailed off. "We know you're about to wed into the Hummel family, but we were hoping you might consider officially joining ours too."

"It would make some things a lot easier," Paul quickly added, "hospital visits, family insurance...uh...inheritance..." He shrugged a little awkwardly.

Sebastian felt like all the air was sucked from his body…They wanted to adopt _him_ too?

"F-for real?" he asked in a whisper.

"For real," Marc confirmed. "If...if you want that."

Paul squeezed Marc's hand. "We understand it's not an easy decision. It would mean giving up any birthright of your biological family, such as your grandparents' estate-"

Sebastian scoffed. He was pretty sure he was already wiped from _any_ record of that kind - not that he cared.

"I don't want anything to do with any of them ever again," he said firmly. "You and Kurt, and Burt and Carole - _you're_ my family!"

He looked at them incredulously and, as it sunk in that they were being serious, a grin broke out across his face.

"So...that's a yes, then?" Marc asked, just to be sure.

"Yes," Sebastian said, feeling tears well in his eyes. "I-.... _yes!"_

Marc let out a choked up noise before turning to Paul, hugging his chest. For a moment, he had been afraid they had gone too far, overstepping the bond they had formed over the last few years.

Paul put his arms around Marc and kissed his forehead, whispering something only the two of them could hear. Then he turned to Sebastian with a bright smile.

"So, uh...a husband, new parents and a little sister...not bad for a week, huh?"

Sebastian grinned at them and stood up. They did the same and stepped towards him. With an arm around each other they held the other out to Sebastian who stepped in and hugged them both tightly.

He felt tears rolled down his cheeks but he didn't care, he felt incredible.

"You know, this means you'll get to decide when to put us in an old folks' home when we're old and senile-" Marc joked.

Sebastian laughed. "Please...you'll outlive all of us!"

"Ha! I'll remind you of that in fifteen years," Paul said, clapping his shoulder, "when you and Kurt can't wait to move in here..." He chuckled.

Sebastian shuffled a little uncomfortably. "That's not...I don't want...that's _not_ why I'm saying yes, you know?"

"We know that, Seb," Marc said kindly. "Paul is just teasing. That's what dads do - we learned it in the training, you know! Lots of dad-joke material..."

"But in all honesty," Paul added, "Of course we _did_ think about providing for you and Kurt - and Jade - in the long run, when we are gone. It's for _our_ peace of mind."

Sebastian bit his lip and nodded. "Okay...I just...I don't want you to think that's what I'm interested in...I would still want you as my parents if you had nothing at all."

"Well, that's good to know! I If we ever blow our fortune in Vegas, we'll just all move in with you two," Marc confirmed. "So get a dog-friendly place."

Paul cleared his throat. "So, um, Sebastian...we took the liberty of setting up the necessary paperwork. All it takes is your signature. If you're really sure..."

Sebastian felt butterflies in his stomach. This was really happening. "I'm sure," he said. "I want to be your son...officially."

"And so you will be," Paul promised. "I can call our notary to come and arrange it in the morning." He raised his hand to his face, softly tapping his lips as a million emotions shot through him at once. "I wish my mom was still alive to see this," he finally said.

Marc stroked Paul's back soothingly. "She would have been proud of you," he said to his husband.

Paul nodded, for a moment too moved to speak. 

Sebastian smiled softly. "I'm sorry I didn't meet her."

Paul looked up and smiled. "She would have _adored_ you Seb," he said tenderly. "She was such a good, caring woman and she loved us unconditionally-"

"One of the original PFLAG moms," Marc added, tearing up a little too. He rubbed Paul's shoulders. "Why don't we go take care of the dishes?" he suggested, recognising the signs of one of his husband's trips down memory lane. He wasn't sure if Paul was ready yet to do that in front of their son. "Sebastian has to get his beauty sleep."

Sebastian took the hint and quickly nodded. "Yeah, it's time to sleep. See you tomorrow, _dads._ Come on, girls." He patted his thigh and Lola and Poppy came up, sniffing his hands. Sebastian looked at his new parents a moment longer and added "I'm actually marrying Kurt tomorrow, aren't I?"

Poppy barked, having heard 'Kurt'. She wagged her tail happily.

"You sure are!" Marc said. "Now off with you. The sooner you're asleep the sooner we can start our pre-party." With a twinkle in his eye, he winked at Sebastian and moved his hand from Paul's back to his hip. 

"Yeah, that's definitely my cue to leave," Sebastian agreed. "Goodnight!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to elledelajoie for telling us about the adult adoption possibilities in the US!


	51. A Beautiful Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian's wedding day is here.

Still half-asleep, Kurt stretched out his arm to side, feeling around for Sebastian. The sheets were cold. He sat up with a start, his hands flying up to his face to tear off a satin sleeping mask. ****  
** **

His sleepy eyes searched the room, blinking. They came to rest on a black suit bag that was hung up in the open closet. Inside it was a magnificent, custom made tuxedo. Designed by Chase and made using the best materials from Gabriele's shop. Kurt had tried it on for the first time in its completed form the day before and had been blown away. The left sleeve and shoulder were white, the colour  cutting diagonally over the chest to fade to black. A pair of brand new white ankle boots sat at the foot of the closet, wooden shoe stretchers inside ensuring a perfect fit for the long day ahead.  ****  
** **

Suddenly, Kurt remembered why Sebastian wasn't in bed with him. It was their wedding day. Sebastian had spent the night with his dads, and Kurt had spent the night with his own parents. ****  
** **

His and Sebastian's apartment was far too small to accommodate the three of them - it only had a single room, and there was no way he could stay in such close proximity to his dad's snoring without committing murder - so they had booked a suite at The Langham. ****  
** **

Butterflies rose in his stomach and pushed away the last of his drowsiness. It was finally happening. He jumped out of bed and took off his shirt. He did his push-ups and crunches twice as fast as usual, impatient to shower and get ready. His dad and Carole would probably be up already, too. ****  
** **

Twenty minutes later, he came out of his bedroom in a fluffy hotel bathrobe. As expected, his dad was sitting at the table, already in dress pants and a white shirt and tie. He looked very handsome. ****  
** **

"Morning," Kurt greeted him. "Have you seen my dad? About this tall, flannel, baseball cap, black cuticles?" He winked. ****  
** **

Burt huffed a laugh and shook his head, looking up from his kindle."Yeah, he left about half an hour ago...I'm here to be his replacement. There's coffee if you want." ****  
** **

He indicated the pot on the table. ****  
** **

"Carole just popped out to get her hair and make-up done in the salon." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled and walked up to his father. He sat down and reached for the coffee and a clean cup from the tray. ****  
** **

"You look great, dad," he said honestly.  ****  
** **

Burt looked down at his shirt and shrugged awkwardly. He took compliments about as well as his son."How are you feeling?" he asked. ****  
** **

"Good," Kurt said promptly. "Excited. _Not_ nervous. I planned everything to the T, but even if nothing of it works out, I know he'll say _I do_ , and that's all that matters." ****  
** **

He could hardly believe how much pressure he had put himself under just _thinking_ about his wedding to Blaine; as if anything going wrong would be a bad omen and curse their marriage. _I should have paid more attention to the omens about my ex-fiancé instead of worrying about the wedding_ , Kurt thought, then banished Blaine from his mind. There was no room for him today, or any day in the future. ****  
** **

Burt smiled at Kurt."I'm happy for you, buddy," he said."You've got someone special there, and I'm so proud of you and the man you've become. I wish your mom was here to see it. I know she'd be proud of you too." ****  
** **

Something inside of Kurt grew a little warmer. "Thanks, dad," he whispered. ****  
** **

He looked out of the window at the skyscrapers. In his teenage years, he'd had a million ideas about the ideal place for a wedding (most of them abroad), but in the end, New York, where they lived, where they had met and fallen in love, was perfect. ****  
** **

"I'd like to think she's out there somewhere watching," Kurt added shyly. "You know I don't believe in all that stuff, but...some days I wish it was true." ****  
** **

Burt pressed his lips together into a thin smile. "Me too kid. I don't think I believe in all the mumbo jumbo...but I like to think that she can see us, and that she's happy." He paused. "I sometimes wonder what she thinks of me and Carole. I hope your mom can see how happy Carole makes me." ****  
** **

"People can see that from the _moon,_ dad," Kurt replied gently. He didn't mind thinking about his mother, if her death wasn't being used as a pawn to force him in a direction he didn't want to go. He already knew where he was going. He looked at his dad with a warm smile. ****  
** **

"Do you remember when she helped me sew you a tie for Father's Day? And you wore it to the workshop all week over your coveralls…" ****  
** **

"Remember? I still have it!" Burt said, then hesitated. "Did you want me to wear it today? It's in Ohio..." ****  
** **

Kurt quickly shook his head. "No, no. I haven't thought about it for years. I didn't even know you kept it." ****  
** **

Burt frowned a little, and the look in his eyes told Kurt he would have tugged his cap down if he'd been wearing one. As it was, he couldn't hide his emotions from his son. "I kept _all_ the stuff you made for me, Kurt. I know I may not have always seemed appreciative of it, but-" ****  
** **

Kurt waved it off. "It's okay, I know the sequined 'B' was a bit much-" He laughed lightly. ****  
** **

"That's not the point," Burt cut in. "You're my son, and I love you. I am proud of you and all the things you can do. I always have been. And your mom...Kurt, she was _so_ proud of you too… I'd get home in the evening and the first thing she'd do was tell me about your day, all the insightful things you said, how well you were doing with your reading...how you once kicked that kid Tommy's ass for making fun of your lisp-" ****  
** **

"He had it coming," Kurt said darkly, giving Velma Kelly a run for her money. ****  
** **

Burt chuckled."You were such a smart, talented, incredible little boy. The things you used to come out with...god, they made us laugh!" ****  
** **

Kurt grinned. ****  
** **

Burt's face fell. "...and then she died, and a part of both of us died with her. I was _so_ worried about you. It was like you vanished overnight, you became reserved and quiet. Between your issues at school and that horrible ex-boyfriend of yours…"... He held up his hand."I _know_ I was partially responsible for that!" he added."But it felt like you were gone for a long time."  ****  
** **

"Dad, let's not-" Kurt started, but Burt shook his head. ****  
** **

"Please let me finish, Kurt. When you showed up with Sebastian last year, and I got over the lies Blaine told me, I could see how happy you were. It was like you were a phoenix born from the ashes. You danced and sang and joked. You had found someone who brought out that funny, sharp-tongued little boy that I remembered...and I couldn't be happier for you." ****  
** **

Kurt pressed his lips together in a thin line as he listened to his dad. He knew what he meant. Thinking of the time he had wasted not being himself hurt a little, but it was over now. They had to look ahead. ****  
** **

"So you're saying you want me to sass you off more?" he teased. "I can do that. But I should probably grab something to eat and get dressed...even though we all know the party doesn't start till I walk in." ****  
** **

Burt grinned and handed Kurt a hotel menu."I recommend the bacon," Burt said."It was perfect with my pancakes." ****  
** **

"Dad, you should watch your cholesterol!" Kurt chided, shaking his head a little. "But I guess maybe we can make an exception today…"  ****  
** **

He glanced at the menu and automatically wondered what Sebastian would be having. Would he be up already? His thoughts trailed off, thinking about his fiancé and how he'd always tear off the corners of his croissant and eat them first, and how Kurt had once accused him of doing that on purpose to make people notice his gorgeous hands and slim fingers - and today he would get to put a _ring_ on those fingers, and by this time tomorrow they might be having a _real_ croissant in Paris - although he wasn't quite sure about the time difference… ****  
** **

"Kurt? _Kurt?_ Helloooo...." ****  
** **

"What? Sorry, I-" Kurt blinked and cleared his throat. To cover up his absent mind, he quickly took a sip of coffee. It had gone cold. ****  
** **

"It's okay, just checking," Burt said, chuckling a little. "I said I was gonna put the tv on, if you don't mind. Nothing much else I can do dressed up like this." ****  
** **

"You look great, dad. Really. I love that you went all out with the shirt and the tie," Kurt assured him. "Sebastian's dads will have nothing on you." ****  
** **

Burt blushed self consciously. He was much more comfortable in jeans and flannel, but it was Kurt's big day and he wanted to show up for him. ****  
** **

"Like I had any choice in the matter!" he said deflecting. ****  
** **

"You didn't," Carole said entering the room. Her hair was freshly coloured and blow-dried and she was wearing subtle makeup that accented her best features. ****  
** **

Burt whistled. ****  
** **

"Carole, you look beautiful," Kurt said, taking in the sight of her. ****  
** **

Carole preened a little. "And _you're_ not even dressed yet, what's going on?" ****  
** **

"The party doesn't start till my son walks in, honey," Burt said proudly. ****  
** **

"You mean _our_ son," Carole corrected, winking at Kurt. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Marc opened the front door and almost tripped over as Poppy and Lola stormed into the apartment, making a beeline for Sebastian's bedroom. ****  
** **

He shook his head and chuckled as he threw his keys into the bowl by the door. They were so excited about the wedding, it was adorable. _Poppy and Lola are dogs_ , he reminded himself, _they don't know today is a special day - they are just excited that Sebastian is here_. ****  
** **

Marc hoped they would treat Jade with the same enthusiasm. She deserved all the love they could give her. ****  
** **

He heard Paul's voice inside and he headed in that direction. ****  
** **

Paul was walking around the living room, still in his sleep clothes, and talking animatedly to someone on the phone. ****  
** **

Marc learnt against the archway and watched him for a moment. After all these years, his husband was still the sexiest man he knew. ****  
** **

"Oh, and Carl- you can park below the house," Paul said, "we reserved all the extra spaces for today." He paused. "Yeah, we're having a little party later. He turned around to look at Marc, his smile growing. "Our son is getting married." ****  
** **

He couldn't have sounded more proud if he'd announced he had solved World Hunger. ****  
** **

Marc felt a little flutter and grinned at Paul. _Their son_...and with in a couple of hours, that would be official. Realistically he knew it would actually take a couple of weeks for the paperwork to file through, but as far as he and Paul were concerned, once the three of them signed that piece of paper, that was it. ****  
** **

He felt a little giddy. ****  
** **

Paul saw Marc's expression and made quick work of his call. "Gotta go, Carl. At my age, it takes a while to get pretty." He chuckled at the reply and hung up. He put the phone down on the coffee table and walked over to the doorway. ****  
** **

"Hello _daddy_ ," he said in a sultry voice. "Carl will be coming over at ten." Their notary was an old friend and had agreed to come at such short notice to confirm their signing of the adoption papers. He knew how important it was to them. ****  
** **

Marc smirked and leered a little, pushing off from the wall to stalk towards Paul. ****  
** **

"You usually only call me that when you want something," he said, his tone matching Paul's. ****  
** **

"Who says I don't?" Paul asked, crossing the distance between them. He leaned in close. "But it'll have to wait," he added in a whisper. "I wouldn't want to embarrass Sebastian." To belie his own words, he kissed Marc passionately. ****  
** **

Marc moaned into the kiss. It felt like all the blood in his body was rushing downward and he had to pull back before lust took over. His hands had found their way to Paul's hips and he gripped them tightly, his forehead pressed against his husband's. ****  
** **

"You play dirty, old man," he said in a low voice. ****  
** **

"Can you blame me?" Paul asked, his own voice a little hoarse. ****  
** **

"No...but you're right, today is about Sebastian and the last thing we need is to traumatise him. Which is exactly what will happen if he comes out of his room to see me fucking you against the wall." ****  
** **

"Then let's save that thought for later, hmm?" Paul reluctantly pulled away. The dogs barked loudly in front of Sebastian's closed bedroom door. _Too late now anyway,_ Paul mused. _No one could sleep through that._ ****  
** **

_-_ ****  
** **

Sebastian writhed in his sleep, bringing his hands up to his face to cup them over his ears. He didn't want to hear any of it anymore. They barked questions at him, insinuations, hounding him like feral dogs.  ****  
** **

Sebastian shouted and sat up with a start. His heart beat wildly in his chest. He raised his wrist and clasped his hand over his bracelet, counting down from twenty slowly, visualising the times he had done just that with Kurt. ****  
** **

"Girls, calm down," Marc chided the dogs. He knocked on Sebastian's door. "Sorry Seb, they really want in. Is that okay?" ****  
** **

Sebastian turned his head to the door as he heard Marc through the wood. ****  
** **

"Uh, yeah..." he said, letting out a long breath."That's fine." ****  
** **

The door opened and the dogs bounded into the room, jumping up on the bed. Lola sniffed the air around him and growled a little. ****  
** **

Marc poked his head around the door. "You okay? Paul said the notary will be here in an hour." He offered him a small smile. "There's still time to change your mind..." ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head as he tried to shake the last of his dream. "Bad dream..." he mumbled, finishing his count. He could feel his heart rate slowing. ****  
** **

Marc frowned and stepped inside. "The courthouse again?" he asked carefully, sitting down on the foot of the bed.  ****  
** **

Sebastian nodded. ****  
** **

Marc's expression turned grim. Even though the case had been closed, Marc knew Sebastian still sometimes had flashbacks and nightmares about seeing his abusers again. Since the police station, he and Sebastian had a new understanding between them, and had sat together several nights, sometimes talking about it, sometimes just sharing silence and dark thoughts. ****  
** **

If anyone asked Marc (which no one who knew him dared), the four rapists had gotten off easy. In his darkest fantasies, Marc envisioned waiting outside the prison when they got released, and running them over with his bike. Repeatedly. ****  
** **

Sebastian saw the look in Marc's eyes and tried to reassure him."I'm okay. Kurt and I...we've trained for this. Calming me down, I mean." He let go of his bracelet and stroked Lola's back."It's good to know it works on my own too." ****  
** **

"Carl's on his way!" Paul called out from the living room. 

Marc glanced at Sebastian. He looked calm, but his skin was still clammy with sweat. ****  
** **

"We don't have to do this now if it's too much," he offered."It can wait-" ****  
** **

Sebastian looked at him and shook his head, reaching a out a hand to cover Marc's. ****  
** **

"No! I don't want to wait! I want to be your son...officially. Just give me a few minutes to shower and I'll be there. He smiled."There's no getting rid of me now dad, you're stuck with me." ****  
** **

Marc grinned. "Good. Just checking." He rose to his feet. "Then, if you'll excuse me- I've got to change into something a little more festive...and less covered in dog hair." ****  
** **

Poppy barked, sounding a little insulted. ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at him and nodded.  ****  
** **

A knock on the door caught their attention and they both looks around to see Paul walking in carrying a tray. ****  
** **

"Breakfast in bed for the groom," he declared.  ****  
** **

Marc shooed the dogs off the bed as Paul laid the tray over Sebastian's lap. ****  
** **

Sebastian felt his stomach flutter and he grinned. "I know what this is…" he said slyly. ****  
** **

"Waffles?" Paul asked.  ****  
** **

Sebastian shook his head."I saw you two eyeing Burt's _World's Best Dad_ mug at Christmas...I can tell you now, he won't give that up without a fight!" ****  
** **

The three of them laughed loudly, and Sebastian could feel the last of his nightmare fade into the light. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"Thank you again for coming on such short notice, Carl," Paul said, clapping his friend on the shoulder as he walked him to the door. ****  
** **

"The pleasure was all mine," the notary said, "and thank _you!_ " He held up the bottle of champagne Paul had pressed into his hands. "I wish you and your son all the best. And congratulations on the wedding too! It's not every day you get a son _and_ a son-in-law in one day." ****  
** **

"I know," Paul said, beaming. "We are very blessed." ****  
** **

They shook hands, and as the elevator opened for him, Alex, Steph, Brody and Alice stepped out. Paul was still standing by the door. Carl passed by them and stepped into the elevator. ****  
** **

Alex looked back at Carl as they headed towards Paul. "Wrong way, dude," he called after him, "party's this way!" ****  
** **

Carl turned and raised the bottle in salute. "I know! Have a great day!" ****  
** **

"That's our notary," Paul explained. "We had some, uh- family business to take care of. Come in, come in. Steph, Alice, you look magnificent!" ****  
** **

Alice beamed and hooked her arm around Brody's elbow. "And I brought the man of the hour!" she announced proudly. ****  
** **

Brody shook his head indulgently, looking like he had been warding off her praise all the way from their place. He didn't think what he was doing was that special - it wasn't like they couldn't have gotten someone else to officiate the wedding. Still, he was honoured to be a part of it.  ****  
** **

Paul smiled."Got a bottle like that for you too," he promised Brody, and stepped aside to let them in."Seb and Kurt told me about you offering your services for free but, as the kids say these days, that shit don't fly in our house, right?" ****  
** **

Poppy greeted them happily and Alex paused to bend down and ruffle her ears. ****  
** **

"Where's Seb?" Alice asked, looking around. ****  
** **

"Getting dressed," Marc replied, walking towards them. He kissed both women on the cheek and shook hands with Brody and Alex. ****  
** **

"What would you like us to do?" Steph asked. ****  
** **

“The chairs need to be set up with an aisle between two sides. They got delivered last night and are stacked up on the terrace...you don't realise how many people you know until you start planning a wedding! Oh, and the flowers are being delivered soon and they need to be fed into the archway on the terrace," Marc said. ****  
** **

"Alright, ladies: flowers. Brody, chairs!" Alex commanded.  ****  
** **

"And you?" Brody asked. ****  
** **

"I'm the best man, I'm in charge," Alex said, puffing out his chest. "Duh." ****  
** **

"I'll help," Paul offered. "It'd be good if we got it set up before catering arrives." ****  
** **

"Ooh, did you tell them to get those little chocolate croissant thingies?" Alex asked, his attitude forgotten immediately. "Those were the bomb at Seb's birthday party!" ****  
** **

"...for those who got some before Alex scarfed them all," Alice muttered. ****  
** **

"We used the same caterers," Marc said."And yes, I think Kurt and Seb put them on the order." ****  
** **

Alex fist pumped the air.  ****  
** **

"Alex, you can help me set up the bar," Marc said. ****  
** **

"I'm your man!" Alex announced, then did a double-take and shot a look at Paul. "In a manner of speaking," he added sheepishly. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

They worked well for the next half an hour or so. Paul and Brody took off their jackets while they carried chairs around, and the girls focused on arranging the flowers into the trelise archway. Steph had slipped off her shoes and was balancing on a chair so that she could pin peonies and roses in amongst the vine.  ****  
** **

"Next," she said, holding out her hand to Alice, who was supposed to be handing the flowers to her, but when she didn't feel the press of a flower in her hand she looked down. Alice was gazing out over the city with a dreamy look in her eyes. Steph frowned a little and climbed off the chair.  ****  
** **

"Is everything okay?" she asked, glancing at the boys, who were busy enough not to overhear. ****  
** **

It took Alice a moment to hear her, lost in her thoughts. When her brain finally caught up she looked at her friend with a dazed expression. ****  
** **

"Hmm?" ****  
** **

"I asked if you're okay...you've been staring at that building for almost a minute." Steph said. ****  
** **

"Oh...yeah I'm okay, just thinking," she replied. ****  
** **

"Care to share with the class?" Steph asked gently. ****  
** **

Alice sighed. "I dunno...I never really thought about marriage. I mean, I get why people do it...but it never really appealed to me you know? I always said I don't need a piece of jewellery or a signed bit of paper to prove my love for Brody..."  ****  
** **

She looked down at the peony in her hand and brushed one of the delicate petals with her finger. ****  
** **

"But now…?" Steph prompted. ****  
** **

Alice sighed again and looked up at her. "Now, having a party with all of my best friends and family, the way Kurt and Sebastian are doing today, and _you_ will be doing after graduation...sounds really great, actually." ****  
** **

Steph smiled softly at her friend. "It does, doesn't it?" she said. "And you know what? None of us would force you to give it more weight, more gravitas than you'd be willing to carry. We already know you two love each other. You have nothing to prove." She paused, taking Alice's hand. "And you _know_ that no one here will think you're any less a feminist if you want to wear a pretty dress for a day." ****  
** **

Alice let out a soft sigh of relief that sounded like a huff of a laugh. "Thanks, Steph. I'll...keep that in mind." Suddenly, her face lit up. "Oh, I can't wait to see what Kurt will be wearing!"  ****  
** **

Steph raised an eyebrow. "Um...you know it's not gonna be a dress, right?" ****  
** **

Alice rolled her eyes and slapped Steph lightly on the arm."Of course I know that! Though, he does always say fashion has no gender." ****  
** **

"Whatever he wears, I'm sure it'll be fabulous," Steph said dreamily. "He said one of his Vogue colleagues was going to help him." ****  
** **

Alice grinned. "Maybe he should also take Alex shopping…" ****  
** **

"Oh, I'm already planning that," Steph agreed, climbing back up onto the chair to continue placing flowers. "I've been casually mentioning Kurt's fashion sense here and there for months. You know, making it feel like it'll be _his_ idea..." She winked. ****  
** **

"There's nothing wrong with the way Alex dresses," Sebastian said, stepping out onto the terrace. He was fully dressed in a sharp Dior tuxedo. Shiny black pointed shoes clicked as he walked across the wood and he adjusted his bow tie slightly."It's what he's comfortable in." ****  
** **

"Yeah, of course, I just meant for the wedding," Steph replied as she laced a white rose into place. "You know I love that red hoodie almost as much as-" She turned around to face him, and her words stuck in her throat. "...oh my god." ****  
** **

"Uhuh," Alice agreed, staring at Sebastian in his suit. He looked like a dream. ****  
** **

"Yo! What are you doing out here already!" Alex shouted, walking up to them.  ****  
** **

Sebastian blushed a little at the girls' praise and turned to look at Alex."I'm was going crazy staying in that room by myself so I thought I'd come out and help." ****  
** **

"And stain your suit?" Alex let out. "Take out your back? Get _abducted_ by giant mutated pigeons? No! We can't risk it. Kurt will _kill_ us if something happens to you. And it's bad luck for us to see you before anyway," he added as an afterthought. ****  
** **

"That's just for brides, dude," Brody said, walking up. "Hey Seb, looking _very_ fine. Almost tempted to marry you myself." He winked. ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned."Sorry dude, I'm a one-man kinda guy!" ****  
** **

"Sebastian! What do you think you're doing!?" Paul asked walking out on to the terrace carrying more chairs. ** **  
****

"Came out to help," Sebastian said, seeing his chances to be allowed to do so dwindle with every new opinion. ****  
** **

"But what about-" Paul started. ****  
** **

"The mutated pigeons? I already told him," Alex supplied. ****  
** **

"-me telling you to take it easy," Paul continued. "We've got this, son. This is your day. Why don't you just sit down somewhere and let Marc fix you up a drink?" ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed. And glanced at the archway."Fine...just...don't clump the flowers together so much. They need to flow!" He wanted to feel a _little_ involved, at least. ****  
** **

Steph turned back to the flowers and cocked her head. "Okay...like this?" She pulled the stems a little further apart. ****  
** **

"Yes, that's better," Sebastian said."Thank you, Steph. Now please get off that chair before you fall!" He offered her a hand, and Alice quickly stepped up to give her a hand too. ****  
** **

"You look so hot," she whispered to Sebastian once Steph was on solid ground again. "Last chance to change your mind about being into girls...I'm still ready to elope..." She took his arm and lightly kissed his cheek, making sure not to smear any lipstick on him. "Just kidding. But you _should_ tell me I look pretty too, it's only polite."  ****  
** **

Sebastian smirked and turned to kiss her forehead."You look beautiful," he said dutifully."So do you, Steph." ****  
** **

"She always does," Alex said, looking at his fiancée with little hearts in his eyes.  ****  
** **

"Catering said they're unloading downstairs," Marc announced, putting away his phone. "The tables are set up so we timed that well, I think." ****  
** **

"Self-congratulations can come when we have _everything_ set up," Paul reminded him. He looked around the terrace. As soon as they heard the news about Kurt and Sebastian's engagement, they had offered their apartment for the reception - the idea to have the ceremony there too came from Kurt and Sebastian themselves. ****  
** **

"Seb, why don't you go sit down. We all know Kurt will kill you if you scuff those shoes," Marc said gently. ****  
** **

Sebastian sighed, giving up before the catering came up and _also_ told him to take it easy. "Yes, yes. Just, make sure the chair covers hang properly and don't bunch up on the ground."  ****  
** **

Marc placed an arm around his shoulders and squeezed."We promise! It will look perfect. Now, do as you're told."  ****  
** **

"Yes, _dad_ ," Sebastian said pointedly, smirking a little. The others didn't know about his adoption yet. He looked forward to telling them - after. For now, all he could think about was marrying Kurt. He walked back through to his room, sitting down on the chair in the corner. ****  
** **

He pulled out his phone and opened a new message. ****  
** **

**To Kurt (13:12)** ****  
** **

**I can't wait to see you! The waiting is driving me crazy! No one is letting me help. I love you xxx** ****  
** **

The reply came almost instantly. ****  
** **

**To P. Martini (13:12)**

**Same here. Maybe we should have eloped to Vegas after all!**

**To Kurt (13:12)  
  
I'd marry you anywhere babe! I can't wait to be your husband** <3 ****

 **To P. Martini (13:!3)** **  
** **  
** **Did you sleep well? Our hotel room was amazing but I missed you :(** ****  
** **

Sebastian smiled at the text. He paused for a moment before replying. He didn't want to worry Kurt, but he also didn't want to lie. That wasn't a very good basis to start a marriage. Besides, he was rather proud that he had managed their exercise on his own. ****  
** **

**To Kurt (13:15)**

**Had a nightmare this morning, but I'm okay...Did the count. All good, nothing to worry about!** ****  
** **

Kurt felt a soft pang of regret not having been there with him, and quickly typed: ****  
** **

**To P. Martini (13:15)**

**No more sleeping alone after today! xxx** ****  
** **

He hugged his phone to his chest, and then looked at the display again. With a small smile, he opened up Sebastian's contact, and edited the name to _Mr. Hummel._ ****  
** **

Sebastian closed his phone to the home page and smiled at the picture of Kurt staring back at him. He kissed the screen and sighed happily.

- ****  
** **

"Okay, you just stay put and I'll scout ahead for groom number two," Burt said importantly as they reached Marc and Paul's apartment. ****  
** **

"Dad, I _told_ you, it isn't bad luck to see him before the ceremony. That's a superstition about dresses," Kurt said, trying to sound disapproving but failing. He was happy, and maybe that tradition was just another way of building up suspense - it was working. He felt a little giddy, wanting to see his future husband _so_ bad, to see what he was wearing, to show off his own outfit, and to have the best pictures taken to break the internet. ****  
** **

"My family," Paul greeted them warmly at the door, opening his arms wide. "Come in, come in. Carole, you look radiant. Please save a dance for me later." ****  
** **

Carole beamed at him and stepped inside, followed by Burt. ****  
** **

Paul and Kurt sized each other up for a moment. Then, the avalanche of compliments started. ****  
** **

"Seb said it was going to be fabulous but I couldn't have imagined-" ****  
** **

"I need to know where you got that shirt-" ****  
** **

"Classy shoes too, the best in town-" ****  
** **

Carole waited indulgently at the door while Burt hurried up ahead. There couldn't have been a more welcoming and loving family to marry in to, except the Hummels. She was remembering her own wedding, carrying the memory of Finn's smiles with her. ****  
** **

"Burt!" Marc said, walking towards him. He had just finished showing the catering in. ****  
** **

"Hey man," Burt said shaking Marc's hand. ****  
** **

"You're looking very dapper!" ****  
** **

Burt's cheeks tinged pink a little."Ah well, big day isn't it? Got to look the part!" He looked around the room and could see out onto the terrace. The chairs had been set up and there were already people sitting down. He didn't recognise them. Burt had never really comprehended how many people his son must know in New York. He had always just pictured the old kids from his glee club - the only point of reference he had - but it suddenly dawned on him just how much Kurt's world had changed. He really was finally where he belonged.  ****  
** **

"The place looks amazing," Burt said. ****  
** **

"Thank you, the elves arrived early this morning, we've hardly had to raise a finger," Marc replied.. ****  
** **

"I hope you're not referring to my height, Marc!" Alice teased as she walked passed with an empty flower bucket. ****  
** **

"I wouldn't dare, darling," Marc replied. "Seb told me if there's _someone_ to look out for, it's you." ****  
** **

"That's right," Alice said, looking very pleased. ****  
** **

Burt thought the small girl in the pink dress actually looked kind of harmless, but wasn't about to argue. "Anything left for me to do, then?" he asked. ****  
** **

"Just relax and enjoy the day," Marc said, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. "Want a drink? I know I do. I know it's weird, but I'm actually a little nervous." ****  
** **

"Why, afraid your boy's gonna bolt?" Burt teased. ****  
** **

Marc chuckled. "No chance. He knows he's found someone he should hold on to." ****  
** **

Burt nodded, averting his eyes a little towards the bar. He didn't remember feeling this touched at his own wedding - how come everything seemed even _more_ emotional when it was his kid going through it? ****  
** **

They walked through to the kitchen and Marc pulled out a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers.   ****  
** **

"Nice!" Burt said as Marc handed him a glass."Cheers." ****  
** **

"Cheers," Marc replied clinking his glass against Burt's. ****  
** **

"Where is Sebastian anyway?" Burt asked."Can't be having them see each other beforehand." ****  
** **

"In his room with the dogs...he tried to help but the Scoobs sent him away." Marc grinned. ****  
** **

"The...who?" Burt asked confused. ****  
** **

"Sebastian and Kurt's friends...I'm not sure when it happened, but it's an affectionate name for the group...you met one of them just now." ****  
** **

"It was actually Brody that came up with it," Kurt said, walking into the room. Burt sputtered a little before he realised Sebastian wasn't here yet and Kurt couldn't very well wait in the hallway. ****  
** **

"My son in law!" Marc said, hugging him. "Kurt, you look fabulous!" ****  
** **

"I always do," Kurt said, preening a little. He looked ahead at the terrace and took a deep breath. This was really it. Some of their friends were already there. And somewhere in the apartment...Sebastian was waiting for him too. ****  
** **

"I have to go and show Isabelle and Chase my suit," Kurt said, smiling. "I mean, they've seen it, of course, as Chase designed it, but...you know. On _me_ . Today. I'll just..." He gestured towards the terrace and skipped up ahead. ****  
** **

Burt watched him go. "He's not going anywhere either," he said with a chuckle."This is definitely happening today." ****  
** **

Marc looked after Kurt with a fond smile.“They have the strongest relationship I've ever seen." ****  
** **

"Are you talking about us, darling?" Paul said, leading Carole into the kitchen. ****  
** **

"Kurt and Seb," Marc said smiling at his husband.  ****  
** **

"Ah yes," Paul replied reaching for a bottle of champagne. ****  
** **

"We're a close second," Marc added. Then his eyes took in Carole. "Carole, you look beautiful!" He kissed her cheek. ****  
** **

"Thank you. Kurt helped pick this out," she replied, beaming. "And I got my hair done at the hotel salon. It was amazing, they made me feel like a princess." ****  
** **

"You're a queen," Burt said, taking her hand to kiss it. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

"I really wish you'd reconsider a modelling career," Isabelle said, running her hand down Kurt's arm. "I have connections, you know." She was wearing a hot pink dress with a big bow, and matching half-palm gloves. ****  
** **

"It's just the suit," Kurt waved her off. "Chase is a miracle worker." ****  
** **

"I'm really not, this is all _you_ ," Chase replied modestly. "I could not have wished for a better model to display my work." He himself had chosen a very subdued suit in pale grey, though he looked dashing in pretty much anything. ****  
** **

"He's right," Isabelle agreed. "You look amazing, Kurt. Sebastian is such a lucky man." ****  
** **

Kurt beamed. "Your words are balm to the soul of my fourteen year old self in the self-altered sweater-vest," he replied, "but I have enough on my plate with my NYADA finals coming up." ****  
** **

"If you ever change your mind..." Isabelle said, and Kurt had no doubts that she meant it. So far, his fashion fairy godmother had never let him down. ****  
** **

"I'll let you and Tristan fight over who gets to book me," Kurt promised."Speaking of…" He looked towards the side of the terrace, where Tristan and Gabrielle were having their picture taken. Gabrielle was wearing a stunning white gown with bright red poppies embroidered all along the trail, and Tristan was wearing the actual flowers as a buttonhole." _Wow._ " ****  
** **

"I think their exact words were: _There's no rule against white dresses if there's no bride to outshine_ ," Isabelle said, smiling as she followed Kurt's eyes."They really make a lovely pair." ****  
** **

"They do," Kurt agreed. He couldn't get over how relaxed Tristan looked...and how that made him even _more_ attractive. 

"And I have you to thank for him, Kurt," Isabelle added."Getting rid of Roy and promoting Tristan was the best thing that happened to Vogue since I hired you." ****  
** **

Kurt blushed happily. ****  
** **

"Hey, Kurt, can I steal you away for a minute?" ****  
** **

Kurt looked over his shoulder towards the sound of the voice and saw Sam walking towards him. ****  
** **

"Sure, Sam." Kurt noticed the nervous expression on Sam's face and excused himself to Isabelle and Chase, before following Sam to where Giorgio was waiting for them."What's up?" he asked as Sam turned to face him. ****  
** **

"Well, um...I know it's your wedding and everything, but, I just saw you talking to your boss and I didn't know she was gonna be here, and I just thought…" Sam looked at Giorgio, who nodded reassuringly.  ****  
** **

Sam let out a deep breath. "Back when I picked up Blaine's stuff from your place, you said that maybe you could try and get me a job at Vogue. And I was okay for work back then, but my agency closed a few months ago and..." ****  
** **

Kurt smiled. "Are you asking me for a modelling job? We were literally just talking about that-" He paused as a thought struck him. "Is everything okay? Are you in money trouble? Is your family okay?" ****  
** **

Sam quickly shook his head. "We're all fine, just..." He looked at Giorgio. "Me and Gio are looking for a place together and I really want to put in my share of the rent." ****  
** **

Kurt let out a sigh of relief. "That's wonderful! Of course I'll help! I'll talk to her and then I'll introduce you two, okay?" ****  
** **

Sam beamed a smile at him. Giorgio nudged his arm. "See, I told you he wouldn't say no. Now, on this, the day of his own wedding-" He did his best Marlon Brando impression and Sam cracked up. ****  
** **

Kurt couldn't believe how right they were for each other. ****  
** **

- ****  
** **

Sebastian  was trying to read a book when someone knocked on the door. He'd already read the same page four times. "Come in," he called softly. ****  
** **

Marc opened the door and entered, carrying two glasses of champagne. "Kurt's here," he said.  ****  
** **

Sebastian felt his stomach turn nervously and a grin spread across his face. "And?" he asked expectantly.

"He looks fantastic!" Marc replied. ****  
** **

"I dunno why I feel so nervous," Sebastian confessed, taking a breath. ****  
** **

"Because generations of cultural baggage are putting pressure on you to consider this the _most_ important day of your life?" Marc asked, arching up an eyebrow. "It's not your fault. But you can relax- any day of your future with Kurt can be as important as you want it to be. This-" He gestured in the direction of the terrace. "Is just one of many parties and family gatherings you'll get to celebrate together." ****  
** **

Sebastian relaxed a little and smiled."Thanks dad. You're right! Thank you again, for letting us do it here. I can't think of a better place to marry him." ****  
** **

Marc checked his watch. "Not long now. Paul said he'd let us know when everyone's here." He grinned. "Wanna take some penguin suit selfies for your instagram?" ****  
** **

Sebastian grinned and stepped towards Marc with his phone. "Hell yeah!"


	52. A Beautiful Day, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of Glad You Stayed...Kurt and Sebastian say 'yes' (with no surprises...right?).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the dance song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0s7ycdUcHk  
> Link to the rings : https://image.brilliantearth.com/media/product_images/3C/BE222S_white_top.jpg

Kurt looked out over the terrace. The beaming faces of his friends, co-workers and family looked back at him. It was an amazing feeling knowing they were all there to celebrate with them. Marc, Paul, Burt and Carole all sat together in the front. Just behind them sat Marc's ex wife Isabella and her husband. Kurt had been briefly introduced to them just moments before and he was looking forward to talking to them more later on. They hadn't made special seating arrangements, seeing as most of their friends were shared and (a joke Alex had left no opportunity unused to point out) both sides were "the groom's side". 

Mercedes stood next to Kurt, her hair intricately braided into a high bun, and wearing a gorgeously cut pantsuit - with no bride in need of bridesmaids, she had agreed to be Kurt's 'best man' and they had gone outfit shopping together. She'd be wearing a dress for the party later on, but they'd agreed on this look for the ceremony simply because Mercedes looked good in just about anything. 

On his other side stood Alex, looking very important. He gave Kurt a reassuring nod. Kurt smiled. 

Sebastian stood just inside the apartment with Alice. He smoothed his hands down the front of his jacket whilst she ran a roller down his back and sides, collecting lint and dog hair.

"You look amazing," she said for what felt like the hundredth time. "I'm so happy for you, Seb." 

Sebastian smiled at her. "Thanks," he said quietly. 

"You ready?" 

"Definitely." 

Alice put down the roller and leant up to kiss his cheek. "Then let's get you married." 

She hurried out on to the terrace to her seat next to Steph, waving excitedly at Brody who had joined Kurt, Alex and Mercedes in the front. 

Sebastian took a deep breath and stepped out into the late afternoon sun. 

The sight of Sebastian in his suit nearly took Kurt's breath away. He looked even better than he had at the Winter Showcase. This was everything Kurt had ever dreamed of since he found out marriage didn't have to involve marrying girls. 

Kurt smiled, unable to keep his eyes off Sebastian as he came to the front. From the corner of his eye he saw Alex give Sebastian two thumbs up. 

Sebastian had eyes for no one but Kurt. He could sense other people around him but it was like they didn't exist. Kurt looked _amazing!_ Sebastian had heard Kurt talk about the suit Chase was making him, but the image he had pictured was _nothing_ compared to the vision in front of him now. 

He grinned at Kurt and it was the pull of his gaze that guided Sebastian down the aisle. 

"You look so hot," Sebastian mouthed as he joined Kurt in front of Brody, their hands finding each other like magnets. 

"I couldn't resist a splash of white," Kurt whispered back, nodding at the ombre fade on his jacket. "You make me feel shiny and new." He winked and squeezed Sebastian's hands. 

Sebastian smirked. 

Brody looked at them and after confirming they were both ready, started his speech. 

"On behalf of this beautiful couple, I would like to welcome all of you here today, parents, friends, and  co-workers. Thank you for being a part of this special day." Brody paused and smiled. 

"Kurt. Sebastian, welcome to you too, of course. You both look amazing! The weather is perfect for an outside wedding, and what better location than right here in New York, where the two of you met and fell in love?" 

Kurt nodded. They had discussed the location of their wedding at great lengths; Ohio, Paris or New York. In the end they had decided on New York, for all the reasons Brody had said. It felt right. 

Brody directed his attention back to the gathering. 

"I have the honour of standing here today, to make official what all of us already know to be true: that these two people love and belong to each other. And on a personal note, I would like to add that when I first met Sebastian, I already thought they were a couple...they tried to deny it, but even back then I knew that this day would happen eventually." 

He winked at them and someone cheered in the audience. Laughter followed the noise and Kurt suspected Steph or Alive were the culprit, but he didn't turn to look. He was still captivated by Sebastian's eyes. 

"Also, on that very same night," Brody continued, "I had the pleasure to meet the love of my life, Alice. We've been together ever since. It took Kurt and Sebastian a little longer to see the light..." He grinned. 

Kurt rolled his eyes a little thinking about how silly _that_ had been. _Sebastian 'not the boyfriend' Smythe. Who had they been kidding, really?_ He squeezed Sebastian's hands softly. 

Sebastian grinned at Kurt as if he could read his thoughts. He'd already had feelings for Kurt back then and had _hoped_ it would happen. Despite it taking almost a year after that for anything to develop, Sebastian had no regrets. 

"Kurt and Sebastian have decided to write their own vows for today, both feeling that no one else's words would be enough to explain how they feel." 

Brody turned to Sebastian and continued. "Sebastian, as we discussed your plans for today, you said you would like to go first, giving Kurt - and I quote - 'the better performance slot'." Brody paused until the laughter quieted down. "When you're ready Sebastian, the floor is yours." 

Sebastian grinned and nodded at Brody in thanks before redirecting his attention to Kurt. His heart beat in his throat, and he was certain his hands would have shook if Kurt hadn't been holding them. 

"Kurt," he began. "For a man who reads many words...it was surprisingly difficult to decide on what I wanted to say today. There are not enough words in the English - or French - dictionaries that would be enough to sum up my feelings for you. Honestly, there was a time that I never thought this day would even happen. Finding one person to settle down with for the rest of my life was such a foreign concept to me. It never interested me in the slightest." 

He grinned as the memory flashed in front of his eyes. "And then one random Tuesday evening _you_ walked into Satire; sharp tongue, impeccable fashion and a smile that lit up the whole room, and my whole perspective changed. I didn't know it at the time, but it did. You challenged me to be a better person. You called me out on my bullshit and made me realise that I _do_ deserve to be loved and happy." 

Kurt smiled and nodded. 

"I am a better man for knowing you, Kurt. Your love and compassion make me want to be the best version of myself." He swallowed. "It's not been easy. We've been through a lot this last year, and I still have a long way to go. But your love and strength is what gets me through. You stood by me through it all and proved to me that you'll love me no matter what," Sebastian felt the words catch in his throat and he added with a whisper, "even on the days that I can't love myself." 

Kurt breathed in sharply and nodded, starting to feel overwhelmed by the images flashing in front of his eyes. 

"You're incredible, Kurt," Sebastian continued, his voice thick with emotion. "And I want nothing more than to be yours. There isn't a single cell in my body that doesn't already belong to you and I feel so _honoured_ to be standing here today, declaring it in front of our friends and family. And if you're _really_ willing to do this with me, I will spend the rest of my life striving to be the man that you deserve."

Kurt laughed through the tears that had gathered in his eyes. "Of course I am," he whispered.

Brody gave them a moment and then drew the attention of their audience back to their vows. "Thank you, Sebastian. That was beautiful." He paused and looked out at all of their friends. 

"Now, Kurt wouldn't be _Kurt_ if he didn't think of something _special_ for his part," Brody introduced him, "and so he decided to write his vows in _French."_

Kurt blushed. 

Sebastian looked at Kurt with wide eyes and felt the tears resurface. 

Brody smirked and turned to look at Sebastian. "Of course, they are just for _you_ and you _speak_ French, but for those of us who need subtitles - myself included! - we prepared little flashcards with a translation. They're under everyone's seats." He waited until those who wanted had reached for the cards. Then, he nodded at Kurt. "The floor is yours, Kurt." 

Kurt's hands on Sebastian's tightened. "Sebastian," he started. "Even long before I met you, I considered French the 'language of love'. Of course, whenever I heard it back then, I thought about Jean-Paul Gaultier, Paco Rabanne...maybe Audrey Hepburn in _Sabrina_. It was a beautiful language for beautiful clothes, art and people." 

He paused, allowing people to catch up with their reading. "I never expected it to become _our_ language. From the moment we started using it for personal jokes, conversations, or to just be rude and judgemental about people without them noticing!" 

Sebastian chuckled. 

"I felt us growing closer and closer, even before we were together," Kurt continued. "It is a deep part of you and of who you are, and connecting with you on that level was something I had never shared with anyone else." 

He smiled. "There is no better language to express how I feel for you. I love you, Sebastian, with all of my heart and soul. You showed me what it was like to be loved, _really_ loved, for everything that I am - not despite of it - and, call me selfish, but that's what I want for the rest of my life! I want everything you promised me the first night we talked about _us:_ including the ugly matching sweaters, the house, and the dogs. I want _you,_ forever." 

Sebastian grinned and felt the tears escape his eyes and roll down his face as he listened to Kurt's words. 

"Anything you want baby, I'm yours," he whispered in French, not caring in that moment that the other people couldn't understand. His reply was, obviously, not on the flashcards. 

"I _think_ he just said yes," Brody joked cheekily. Kurt nodded so hard his hair wobbled. People laughed and applauded. 

"Then, in the presence of all of your family and friends as witnesses, you may make it official and 'put a ring on it'," Brody declared. 

Mercedes stepped forward and handed Kurt a white gold ring, a thin line of tiny sapphires set into the metal. Kurt took it and waited for Sebastian to hold out his hand. 

Sebastian watched as Kurt slid the ring down his finger and something warm and heavy settled inside him. He squeezed Kurt's hand before reaching for the nearly identical ring (Kurt's had emeralds instead) in the box and reaching for Kurt's left hand. 

Kurt felt like he was in a fairy tale. From the corner of his eye, he saw people rise to their feet and take pictures, and Carole had taken a handkerchief from her purse to give to Burt, but it was all scenery. Their hands matched, and Kurt entwined his fingers with Sebastian, pulling him closer to kiss his lips. Loud cheers went up all around them. 

Sebastian smiled into the kiss and stepped closer, bringing his free hand up to cup around the back of Kurt's neck to draw him in. They kissed like they had a thousand times already, and yet it was new - their first kiss as husbands. 

Kurt wasn't sure how long it lasted, but no one interrupted them. It was hard to stop, but at some point, they broke the kiss and pulled apart a little. "I think our guests are waiting for champagne," Kurt whispered. 

 _"And_ those chocolate croissant thingies," Alex helpfully supplied from the side. 

"No one's eating _anything_ till they're done," Mercedes said sternly. 

Kurt didn't see Alex' face, but the lack of argument painted an amusing picture. He stole one more quick kiss, and then turned to face the gathering. Feeling a little light-headed and, most of all, _victorious,_ he raised their linked hands into the air in celebration. 

Sebastian laughed, happiness swelling inside him. The congregation stood up and applauded as they stepped away from the archway, walking hand in hand back into the apartment. 

Their parents and friends would now change the terrace around so that tables and chairs replaced the rows of chairs, a space being left clear for a dance floor. And Sebastian, well, he really wanted a moment alone with his husband. 

He led Kurt into Paul's study and shut the door. 

"Someone's eager..." Kurt teased. "But I'm not sure your dad would approve if we consummate our marriage on his desk." 

Sebastian laughed and turned to face him, holding his arms out to draw Kurt into them. 

"No time for that, babe," he said pressing their foreheads together. "There's a lot of people here and I just want you to myself for a moment." 

He ran his hands down Kurt's back. "You look incredible!" 

"So do you...husband," Kurt said, basking in Sebastian's admiring looks and his caress. 

Sebastian closed his eyes and felt a flutter in his chest. "Mmm, say that again," he whispered. 

"Husband," Kurt repeated. "My husband, Mr Sebastian Hummel." He felt his heart swell with pride. 

Sebastian sighed happily and opened his eyes. Kurt's eyes were staring back at him, wide and shining with happiness. "I love you," he whispered. "Husband." He grinned. "We're _married."_  

"I know!!" Kurt squeaked, his voice rising a few octaves. He hopped on his heels. "It's amazing!" 

"It is!" Sebastian looked down at his left hand and saw the band sitting on his finger. Engraved on the inside of each band was the other's name. What an incredible twenty four hours he had had. 

"I've got something to tell you, too," he said, calming down a little. "It's about adoption-" 

Kurt frowned. "We've literally only been married for minutes - _adoption?"_  

Sebastian laughed lightly. "What? No! God, no, not for _us_! I want us to be married for a while before we consider that! I still have a year of school left!" 

Kurt huffed out a laugh. "Okay! Good!" He schooled his expression into something more serious. "Then what about it?" 

Sebastian's smile softened. "Marc and Paul..." And he explained about them finding Jade through the hospital and then looking into if it would be possible for them to adopt _him_ too. 

"Apparently, all they needed was my consent and so we signed the papers this morning and that's it, once the paperwork is approved - officially they're my parents."

"Oh my god!" Kurt let out.  He put his arms around Sebastian and hugged him tightly. 

Legal practicalities aside, he knew why Marc and Paul had done this. It was for the same reason that Kurt had asked Sebastian to marry him. They wanted to show Sebastian that they really, _really_ wanted him in their life - to show Sebastian they were different from the family that had cast him aside. He already knew that, of course, but if a piece of paper or a ring made that more obvious, all the better. 

"And you're getting a _sister_ , too?" 

"I know, right!!" Sebastian smiled and buried his face in Kurt's neck, holding him close. They stood like that for a while as Kurt tried to process it all. 

"I am so happy for you," Kurt whispered, his voice a little rough with emotion. 

"Thank you," Sebastian replied, pulling back a little so he could look into Kurt's eyes.  "And I'm happy for you too...they're legally your fathers and sister in law now." He grinned. 

"I'm a brother again," Kurt said, slightly in awe, as it sank in. 

Sebastian shook his head. "You never stopped," he reminded him gently. 

Kurt nodded, swallowing against the lump in his throat. 

"I promised Marc and Paul we'd bring her something from Paris," Sebastian said, offering Kurt a little distraction. "Because we'll be doing a lot of shopping, right?" 

Kurt took a deep breath and nodded again, smiling. "We will," he said, his voice a little rough. "I should ask Marc and Paul for a picture of Jade in case we see something for her to wear. Don't want it to clash with her hair or her eyes…" 

Sebastian looked at him with soft eyes. Jade was going to love him. Whether she liked pink or not was still to be determined, but she already had her personal stylist. "I'm so proud to be your husband, Kurt. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." 

"Well, you don't have to wait any longer," Kurt said, his emotions sorted and put back into place for later. "It starts _now_. And I believe there's a party about to get started outside in our honour. Shall we go and see...before Alex eats all the _petit pains?"_  

Sebastian smiled and nodded, closing the gap to kiss Kurt softly. After a few moments he pulled away and took Kurt's hand. 

"C'mon husband," he said happily. "Let's go party!" 

-  
As soon as they came back out onto the balcony, Alex hurried up to them. "Do you wanna do it now?" he asked Sebastian. 

Sebastian nodded. He had told Alex he wanted to speak to all of them after the ceremony, as he wanted them to be the first to hear about his adoption. 

Eagerly, Alex went to round up their friends, even going so far as to take Alice's arm when he felt she wasn't walking fast enough. 

They grinned at the indignant look on Alice's face from being man-handled by Alex. 

"You didn't have to _drag_ me, Alex. I can walk perfectly fine on my own!" She straightened her dress and pushed up her corsage a little. 

Sebastian chuckled. 

"Watch it, Hummel," Alice said, pointing a finger at him. 

For a brief moment, Kurt was confused and wondered what _he_ had done - and then an intoxicating warmth spread inside of him, making him almost light-headed. Kurt and Sebastian _Hummel._  

Sebastian couldn't help the grin that spread over his face. He looked at Kurt and saw the same dazed, happy look on his husband's ( _husband!_ ) face that he knew must be on his too. They continued to stare at each other until Brody cleared his throat. 

"Um guys...Alex said there was something you wanted to tell us?" 

Kurt and Sebastian wrenched their eyes away from each other to look at their friends. 

"Right, yes," Sebastian stammered. "Um well...basically, as of this morning Marc and Paul have officially adopted me, and I'm getting a sister." 

Their friends just stared at them for a moment. 

"Um... _what?"_  Alice said finally. 

Sebastian took Kurt's hand and started explaining everything, bringing them up to date with what he had told Kurt - and what he himself had only found out about the day before. As he talked, all of their faces lit up. 

"Oh my god, Seb, that's amazing!" Steph let out, stepping up to hug him tightly. As soon as she let go, Alice engulfed him in a hug. 

"I am so happy for you," she whispered. 

"Congratulations," Brody said, clapping his shoulder as soon as Alice let go. "And you too, Kurt. New dads-in-law, huh?" 

"I know," Kurt said still a little dazed, but grinning. "They're the best." 

"Wait...does this mean you're gonna own this place?" Alex asked, looking around at the terrace and back towards the apartment in awe. 

Sebastian looked around and shrugged. "Maybe, I dunno. Honestly I don't really care about that kind of thing." 

Alex shook his head. "Best man or not, I really don't understand you," he teased. "But hey, now that we're all gathered here, I have an announcement too!" 

Steph glanced at him, biting her lip a little. Alex caught her eye and subtly shook his head. He straightened his back and looked at his friends. "Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce, that... _wait for it.._.I, Alex Hartline, have chosen a major." 

"WHAT!?" Kurt shouted, clapping his hands together in front of his mouth. "You did??" 

"I sure did," Alex said proudly. 

"Well fuck me!" Sebastian said, his eyes wide. "What did you pick?" 

"Psychology," Alex announced. 

"But...why?" Alice was staring at him. "That doesn't match your other classes...You'd have to start all over. You don't even-" 

"I want to help people," Alex cut her off. "And yeah, I'll have to start over. But this time, I know what I want." He exchanged a glance with Sebastian. "I want to make a difference, and there's a shortage of people in that field." 

"I think it's wonderful," Steph added. "And I know he can do it." She took his hand. "So anyone with dumb jokes answers to me." 

"We wouldn't," Kurt assured her. "I think it's great!" 

Sebastian smiled at his friend, feeling pride fill his chest. "I think you're going to be amazing!" he said honestly. "You're right, there aren't enough people in the field, and, they need more people like you. I know from personal experience that you have the right skills." 

"Thanks, man," Alex said softly, almost looking a bit shy. 

"So, if this is like, Announcement Hour," Brody jumped in as a distraction so Alex could pull himself together, "I have some news too. I got cast for the chorus of _Wicked._ Just a Munchkin, but...it's Broadway." 

"What!!" Kurt's jaw dropped. "I didn't even know you auditioned!" 

"Yeah, I kinda kept the callback under wraps because I didn't want to jinx it," Brody said. "You know how it is, Kurt..." 

"I do, actually," Kurt replied. "Because I got cast as well. Palace Guard!" 

Sebastian beamed with pride and wrapped his arm around Kurt. They had already had a little private celebration when Kurt found out, but they had decided to keep it to themselves until after the wedding. 

"Oh my god! That's amazing!" Steph said jumping up and down. "Congratulations to you both!" 

Brody grinned at Kurt and shook his hand. "It will be great working with you, man." 

Kurt and Brody had their moment, telling the others about the gruelling process of auditioning and the nerve-wracking callbacks, but as their story went on, Alice noticed Steph and Alex had started up a private conversation on the side. 

"What's going on?" she asked. 

"Come on," Alex urged Steph, ignoring Alice. "Please? You heard Brody. It's _Announcement Hour_..." 

"That's not even a real thing- oh, alright," Steph agreed. She turned towards the group, looking a bit nervous. 

Alice gasped. She quickly shhh-ed the men and hopped on the balls of her feet. 

"Okay, so," Steph started, "I have some news as well." She paused. "I'm pregnant." 

Alice and Kurt both squeaked, and it was hard to say which of them reached the highest note. They both dove forward and hugged Steph tightly, talking over each other excitedly. 

"Oh my god, I am going to be an auntie!" Alice said happily. "I need to learn how to knit!"  
  
"Forget knitting, I'm getting it little Vogue outfits!" Kurt countered, "it'll be the best-dressed baby in town!" 

Sebastian and Brody looked at Alex. He was watching Steph with such adoration that it felt like they were intruding on something private. He felt their eyes on him and blushed, turning to look at them. 

"A dad, huh?" Sebastian said. Alex's face flushed with happiness and he nodded. 

"Congratulations," Brody said clapping him on the shoulder. 

"Thanks, it's still early days...we weren't sure we were going to tell people yet you know?" Alex shrugged awkwardly. "With her mother's medical background...But you guys are family...and we wanted you to be a part of it." He hesitated. "So if it doesn't-" 

"It will," Brody assured him, but Alex shook his head. 

"Yeah, I know, but, _realistically_ it's too early to assume...And if it doesn't work out...We could really use your support. I already love this baby so damn much!" Alex let out, tearing up a little. "I'm afraid that if-" 

Wordlessly, Sebastian wrapped his arms around his best man and held him tightly. "We'll be there either way," he whispered. "Okay?" 

Alex nodded, holding on to him a little longer. 

"Don't get snot on my suit," Sebastian teased him, and he felt Alex crack up. A moment later, he was ready to let go. 

Alex cleared his throat and turned to Alice. "You know, it's your turn now, Al." 

Alice blinked. "For what? I don't- ...I'm not...we-" She gave Brody a questioning look. 

"I mean for Announcement Hour!" Alex explained, chuckling a little at how flustered he had made her. 

Alice frowned. "I don't really have anything new..." she said hesitantly. "Oh! Maybe I do, but-" She shook her head. "No, forget it." 

"What? What is it?" Kurt asked. "You can tell us." 

"But it's _nothing_ compared to you guys- adoption, Broadway, a baby...!" 

"We want to know anyway," Steph assured her. 

"Our local supermarket now stocks Bionade," Alice said, blushing. 

They all laughed and cheered jovially, causing Alice to blush even harder. Brody wrapped his arm around her and kissed her bright red face. 

"Excuse me ladies and gentlemen." The sound of Paul's voice rang through the PA system they'd rigged around the terrace. "If they can tear themselves away from their friends," he continued teasingly. "I'd like to call the newly-weds forward to the dance floor for their first dance."

Everyone around them started clapping, and Kurt felt that warm feeling bubble up again. The _newly weds._ That was _them!_ He had a feeling it would not get old for a while yet. He extended his hand to Sebastian, aware of the sunlight catching his ring, and asked: "Mr Hummel, will you do me the honour?" 

Sebastian grinned and took Kurt's hand. "Yes, Mr Hummel, I will." 

"Are they gonna be calling each other that all day?" Alex whispered to Steph, and she just nodded. 

They walked through the pathway the group around the dance floor had made for them. The music started playing softly around them and they pulled each other close. Sebastian placed one hand on Kurt's shoulder, the other clasping his husband's hand tightly. Kurt's free hand settled in the dip of Sebastian's lower back. 

 _I am colour blind, coffee black and eggs white..._  

Kurt rested the side of his face against Sebastian's shoulder and closed his eyes. He knew everyone was watching, but he felt no pressure to perform. He didn't need to worry about his face showing the appropriate emotions or showing off his steps. He was there, in the middle of all of his friends and family, close to the man he wanted to be with. It was easy. 

_Pull me out from inside - I am ready, I am ready, I am ready I am..._

Sebastian closed his eyes and pressed his temple against the top of Kurt's head, drinking in the warmth of his partner. He couldn't believe they'd done it, they'd actually gotten married. He couldn't keep the grin off his face at the thought. He pressed a kiss to Kurt's head. 

"I love you," he whispered in French. "I can't believe we did it." 

"Believe it," Kurt said, smiling. "You're stuck with me now." He raised his head and looked at his husband. "I love you too, Bas." 

"You know," Burt's voice sounded over the microphone, "I don't wanna be the old guy here, but in _my_ time, people spent more time _in the moment_ and less time on their phones recording it." 

Kurt snorted. He knew people had been filming their dance, as he would have too. He knew his dad was just trying to get the party started, but he was also glad he'd have plenty of videos and pictures of this moment. 

Around them, people put their phones away and started taking to the dance floor. Kurt and Sebastian's parents lead the way. Kurt looked at Marc and Paul, wrapped up in their own moment in each other's arms. 

Kurt remembered the first time he had slow-danced with a boy. When he and Blaine danced at prom, it had been a provocation; defiance of the norm, a protest rather than a dance - and as much as he had wanted to enjoy it, he had been very aware of the fact that they could have been torn apart at any moment, their prom outfits slushied, their hair pelted with gum. And yet he had been grateful, thinking it was still better than not dancing at all. 

Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined there would come a day where he could enjoy a dance for what it was, in the company of his loved ones, without having to be afraid. 

Men danced with men, women with women, women danced with men - some of their friends danced by themselves, in groups or three, and others didn't dance at all. And importantly, the DJ wasn't trying to make them - at their party, everyone should do what they are most comfortable with. 

The music changed around them, and some of the pairs changed partners. Kurt didn't want to let Sebastian go just yet. He'd dance with his mom and Mercedes and all of the others later. For now, this was still too new. 

Something caught his eye and hid his face in Sebastian's shoulder to stifle a laugh. "Oh my god, look," he whispered. 

As per tradition, the in laws had switched partners - Marc was now dancing with Carole, both beaming and chatting animatedly, and Paul, with a very serious expression, had asked Burt to dance and was letting him lead. 

Sebastian grinned as Burt twirled Paul around the dance floor and chuckled, thinking back to when he had first met Burt. Kurt had told him about their little talk concerning gender roles and how confused it had made Burt to see Sebastian cooking- or to _hear_ him enjoy Kurt's lovemaking. He had come a long way. Seeing Burt confidentiality and unashamedly lead Paul around the dance floor (albeit a very simple two step), made his heart swell and he held Kurt closer. 

"I'm proud of him," Sebastian said nodding at them. 

"Me too," Kurt replied. Then he smiled. "Finn would have danced with you too. I taught him." He squeezed Sebastian tighter. "Our family is the best," he said softly, and in his heart he felt it included everyone on the terrace, and a few that would have been there if they could. 

"They really are," Sebastian said. "And so are you." 

Kurt looked up into his eyes and Sebastian smiled at him. He let go of Kurt's hand and slid it around the back of his neck, drawing him into a kiss. 

Cheers went up around them as Kurt let himself be dipped back, accentuating the move by lifting one of his knees and hooking his leg around Sebastian's. He broke the kiss laughing as he heard the DJ smoothly mixing in a song from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Clearly he wanted to see more of that kind of action on the dance floor. 

As the dancers took the hint and turned things up a notch, Kurt spotted his dad trying to be be inconspicuous about switching back to Carole. Paul let him go good-naturedly and reeled his husband in close. 

Kurt looked up at Sebastian, who was watching them too. Sebastian rolled his eyes in a 'our parents are so lame' kind of way, but Kurt could tell he was pleased. 

He saw something pull Sebastian's focus and turned to follow his gaze. Kurt grinned. Dani, in a very snazzy tuxedo, had just asked Joe's daughter Kate to dance. Kate, blushing profusely, accepted and the two of them waltzed onto the dance floor. The party had started! 

- 

Kurt sat back in his seat. Their flight to Paris had taken off on time and they were now at cruising altitude. The sun had gone down just as they breached the clouds, and for a while, he and Sebastian had just enjoyed the view. Now, with a glass on champagne in front of him, Kurt leisurely went over the events of the day in his mind's eye. 

"Isa did a great job on the cake," he mused. "I almost ate all of it myself."

"Alex wouldn’t have let you," Sebastian replied. "But you’re right. It _was_ absolutely delicious."

"I can't wait to see the pictures of the party," Kurt said, smirking. "I wonder whose idea it was to get those _hats?_  And where did those feather boas come from?"

"I think Nick and Jeff brought them," Sebastian replied. He grinned at the thought. "At least I didn't see them before their Elton John medley." 

Kurt nodded. "Oh, right. That was amazing!" 

With so many of their friends in the arts, it hadn't come as a surprise that there were a few planned (and spontaneous) performances at the party. Elliott's in particular had been fabulous, and when Kurt had talked to him later on, Elliott told him that Joe had approached him for a Queen Tribute Night at Satire. 

"I can't believe they are moving in together," Kurt mused, thinking of Elliott and Danny. 

"I know!" Sebastian replied. "I guess Dan's finally found someone to pick out curtains with." He chuckled to himself. "But the best performance of the night was your dad doing Beyoncé!" he added, shaking his head. "That _hip_ action. Now I know where you get it from!" 

Kurt laughed. "Yes! Oh my god! And he's gotten _so_ much better since high school..." 

At Sebastian's incredulous look, Kurt laughed even harder. "Welcome to the Hummel family, baby," he said. "We have hidden depths." He waggled his eyebrows. "Though I have to say, _your_ dad needs a bit of practise being a Single Lady," Kurt added teasingly. "But he gets points for enthusiasm." 

Sebastian grinned and covered his face with his hands at the image of Paul donning a gold sparkly blazer and joining Burt in the middle of the dance floor. "I don't understand how a man who loves listening to Jazz and soul music has no rhythm?" He groaned. 

"Yeah, you'd think that a surgeon would have better eye-hand coordination," Kurt said, chuckling. "His speech was very moving, though." 

Sebastian stopped laughing and his smile turned fond. "Yes," he said softly. "It was...so was your dad's." 

"Alex's speech was...very Alex," Kurt said. "I'm so happy for him. He'll be a great dad." 

Sebastian turned to look out of the window for a moment and let out a happy smile. "Yeah, he will be." 

He turned back to Kurt and took his hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the spot over his ring. 

"I think we will too, someday...We have some good role models." He thought about his dream the first night they'd spent together. One day, they might need _three_ tickets to fly to Paris... 

Kurt smiled. "And we can totally let Alex and Steph figure out what _doesn't_ work before we do it," he joked. 

He sat back and looked at the clouds. They sat in silence for a while, both consumed with thoughts and memories from the day. As the sun set along the horizon, Kurt thought back to the start of the day and the conversation he'd had with his dad. He turned back to Sebastian. 

"Hey...what did you have for breakfast?" 

Sebastian looked at him with a raised eyebrow, the hint of a smirk in the corners of his mouth at the random question. "Waffles," he said. "Paul made me breakfast in bed...why?" 

Kurt rested his head against his seat and trailed his fingers up Sebastian's sleeve. "Just wondered..." he said softly. "I thought of you when I was having mine..." He yawned. 

Sebastian smiled and leant forward to kiss Kurt's forehead. "Sleep babe, I'll wake you up if you have a nightmare." 

Kurt paused. It was the promise he made to Sebastian every night they went to sleep. "Okay," he said softly, making himself comfortable against Sebastian's shoulder. "I know I'll be safe, then." 

Sebastian nodded and kissed Kurt's forehead again. He looked out of the window over his husband's head. The sky was getting darker and stars were starting to appear. Sebastian thought back over the song lyrics that had become a fundamental part of their story. A song he had sung so long ago in a different climate, now resonated through him. It was their song, their story. 

_The sun goes down, the stars come out;_

_And all that counts is here and now._

_My universe will never be the same,_

_I'm glad you came..._

They had been through so much, more than two people should ever have to. But amongst the hurt, they had found each other and held each other up. And the universe, _their_ universe, would never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. We've arrived. It has been an emotional ride. As we started posting GUS, several of our long-time readers told us they had to opt out of this installment due to its themes. We fully understood this, but decided to share the story anyway, with trigger warnings along every part of the way. The response has been overwhelming, and personal. Readers shared their own heartbreaking stories with us in PMs and comments, and the thing we heard the most was 'this hits home' and 'your approach is very realistic'. Taking this theme seriously was our nr 1 goal up till the end- and yet realism in fiction can only take us so far. Realistically/statistically speaking, Sebastian's attackers would probably not have been found (or convicted). We felt we owed it to him anyway- and to all of you, to give them a happy end.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and all of your feedback! We shall be taking a short break and then sift through our drafts / cut scenes to see which of them might be fun to post as extras. After that, we'll be done with this universe for now…but not to worry, we still have more stories to tell!
> 
> If you liked this series, please give us a rec / share / reblog...the more we feel appreciated, the more we are inspired to write ;)


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